Turning Points; No. 107; Best of Turning Points; Part 1

<v Salesman>?inaudible? You're looking good ?there? <v Robert Foxworth>[music plays] Transitions, milestones, new beginnings, and final ends.

<v Robert Foxworth>Moments that mark the changing course of our lives, turning points. <v Robert Foxworth>Hello, I'm Robert Foxworth. <v Robert Foxworth>It's been said that life is change and it's the process <v Robert Foxworth>of changing that defines who we are, what we care about, <v Robert Foxworth>and what we want to be. <v Robert Foxworth>During the next 90 minutes, we'll explore the experiences of some people <v Robert Foxworth>whose lives are in transition. <v Robert Foxworth>Our stories will be presented in a special way, not simply told, but offered <v Robert Foxworth>as shared experiences. <v Robert Foxworth>The events you're about to see were captured as they happen, sometimes evolving in <v Robert Foxworth>unexpected directions over periods of weeks and even months. <v Robert Foxworth>Our storytellers, ?other? people themselves, creating and responding

<v Robert Foxworth>to turning points in their lives. <v Robert Foxworth>[music plays] <v Robert Foxworth>Childbirth is usually a time for celebration, but for Stephanie, a 16 year old unwed <v Robert Foxworth>mother, her unexpected pregnancy was cause for confusion and concern. <v Robert Foxworth>Rejecting abortion, she now faces the biggest decision of her young life, whether to keep <v Robert Foxworth>her child or give it up for adoption. <v Robert Foxworth>Whichever she chooses, it will be a major turning point for 2 lives, hers <v Robert Foxworth>and her unborn babies. <v Stephanie>Most people, they just figure I'm going to be having a baby and going to keep it. <v Stephanie>But for me, I'm going to be having a baby and I'm never going to see it. <v Stephanie>First time I thought about adoption seriously, I was about

<v Stephanie>5 months pregnant. <v Stephanie>My life isn't ready for a baby. <v Stephanie>I couldn't take care of it right. <v Stephanie>?Del? wanted me to have an abortion. <v Stephanie>That was the first thing that came out of his mouth when I told him the test was <v Stephanie>positive. And we got in really bad arguments about that because <v Stephanie>I don't believe in abortions at all and after about 2 weeks, he gave up. <v Doctor>Is it sort of a dull ache? <v Stephanie>?inaudible? <v Doctor>All day long? <v Doctor>?inaudible? all the way up to here so it's measuring at 36 centimeters. <v Doctor>Okay, why don't you sit yourself up. Okay, and I'll push <v Doctor>this in. <v Doctor>Last time you were here, you commented that you met you were able to meet the adoptive <v Doctor>parents. How did that go?

<v Stephanie>It went really good. <v Doctor>It went really good? <v Stephanie>It made things a lot easier. <v Doctor>A lot easier ?inaudible? <v Stephanie>Like before, you know, they were just people on a piece of paper. They sounded good and everything, but you can't really, they're not really real people ?inaudible?. Then I met <v Stephanie>them and they're really real people and they're really nice people. <v Doctor>You said that I I know this is the best thing to do and I know this is the right thing to <v Doctor>do, but I don't want to do it. <v Doctor>What are your feelings still? <v Stephanie>Same. <v Doctor>Same. <v Stephanie>I don't ?inaudible?. <v Stephanie>Because I always think I'm going to miss them, you know. Even though they're going to be <v Stephanie>sending me things, and pictures, and ?progress reports? <v Stephanie>and stuff, I'll still miss them. ?inaudible? be with me or anything, I won't really see how ?he's? growing up. <v Stephanie>I'm 16, Del's 22. When I was very first with him, I didn't even think we'd stay together for a year. <v Stephanie>You know, I was wondering what this guy who's 21 years old was even <v Stephanie>doing bothering with somebody who was only 15.

<v Del>I was in high school for 4 years and I never used any kind of contraceptive. <v Del>I've probably made love like thousands of times and never had any problems. <v Del>And then like, I've only known her 3 weeks and she gets pregnant. <v Del>But I didn't really feel any regrets because I've tried to use the condom and it bothers <v Del>me. It bothers me a lot. <v Del>What time did you- ?inaudible? It's on Saturdays and Sundays? <v Stephanie>During the week, I'm at Del's dad's house. <v Del>What time did you get out? <v Stephanie>My days are really boring. <v Stephanie>I'm either cleaning the house or doing the laundry or cooking something <v Stephanie>for Del. <v Stephanie>When I first started going with Del, I wasn't sleeping with anybody and I wasn't going to <v Stephanie>sleep with Del either. And then I went drinking and were having <v Stephanie>strawberry daiquiris and I got a little bit too drunk. <v Stephanie>And then just kind of we just played around a little too much. <v Stephanie>And then after that, I went down to get birth control pills. <v Stephanie>And they wouldn't give them to me 'cause my migraines. <v Stephanie>They they say you get a stroke or something like that.

<v Stephanie>Del seriously didn't think that I would get pregnant, I don't think. <v Stephanie>'Cause every time I talked about it, he would just kind of <v Stephanie>joke about it and say, oh, well, you know, you get pregnant. <v Stephanie>No big deal. <v Stephanie>He he didn't take me seriously. <v Stephanie>Jumpers are those things, you know, the little kids sit in and it goes up and down. <v Del>She said to just get them blankets and stuff. I mean, uh, what are they called? Sweatshirts for the summertime? T-shirts. <v Stephanie> I know you got to get, you gotta get t-shirts and you gotta get um-. <v Stephanie>Came here today to buy receiving blankets and little pajamas and t-shirts <v Stephanie>for my baby to wear in hospital for his new parents to take <v Stephanie>him home. <v Stephanie>Wanna look at this stuff. The cute little things. <v Speaker>This is a new item, well it's not new, but it's a good item. <v Stephanie>Yeah. <v Speaker>And you can put this in your uh. <v Stephanie>In the car seat. <v Speaker>Car seat or-. <v Stephanie>There's a little infant, there's a little infant one already. All that's stuff already, got everything. <v Stephanie> I saw these little things I can buy and I just picture having <v Stephanie>my little baby and having my little baby with somebody else instead of with me.

<v Stephanie>That's hard. <v Speaker>I have all these problems with my emotions all day long, every single day and it wears <v Speaker>me out. <v Del>Stephanie is not actually my girlfriend. Chrissy is really my girlfriend. <v Del>When I met started first meeting Stephanie, I already knew Chrissy. <v Del>I had known Chrissy for 3 or 4 months and we had been going out long before I met <v Del>Stephanie. But Stephanie ?having? <v Del>To get pregnant, that's what changed everything right there. <v Stephanie>He makes her perfect, the way he talks about her. <v Stephanie>She is just the perfect person. <v Stephanie>And here I am. You know, I'm fat. <v Stephanie>I'm just not pretty anymore. <v Stephanie>You know, I'm not the same person that he went out with at first. <v Stephanie>I'm just this roly poly thing that hangs around him, you know? <v Stephanie>I'm not Stephanie anymore. <v Stephanie>I'm pretty definite about the adoption. <v Stephanie>I don't want to bring him into my life. <v Stephanie>Almost everybody that knows about me giving it up for adoption

<v Stephanie>has they try not to, you know, but they really pressure me a lot about <v Stephanie>keeping it. It's depressing because I want to keep it. <v Stephanie>You know, I wish I could. But I don't want to, I don't want him to grow up <v Stephanie>with no home or anything like that. <v Stephanie>He wouldn't have a home because I don't have a home. <v Stephanie>You know, I don't have anywhere to live. <v Stephanie>I can live with my parents, but I don't want to live there. <v Stephanie>I don't like the way they live. <v Stephanie>Friday mornings or afternoons, once in awhile every Thursday night, we go to my mom's <v Stephanie>house and come back Monday afternoon or night. <v Stephanie's Mom>Early on in her pregnancy, it was assumed <v Stephanie's Mom>by all of us that she would keep the baby. <v Stephanie's Mom>But then several different things happened. <v Stephanie's Mom>We were having a very hard time financially.

<v Stephanie's Mom>It was difficult to keep enough food in the house and utilities <v Stephanie's Mom>were getting occasionally getting turned off, which didn't help. <v Stephanie's Mom>We had to move in with some friends for a while and it was a very tough, <v Stephanie's Mom>stressful point in all of our lives. <v Stephanie's Mom>That would be the time when she started thinking of adoption. <v Stephanie>After Del brings me here, after about a couple hours at the very most, he'll he'll go <v Stephanie>to his girlfriend's house. <v Stephanie>I hate his girlfriend ?inaudible? and I hate him. <v Stephanie>I don't know what's in Del's mind. Probably relief. <v Stephanie>I feel like I put all this pressure and stuff on him and he doesn't like to be <v Stephanie>around me, so he goes over there and he's like, oh, God, I'm finally away from her, you <v Stephanie>know. <v Stephanie's Mom>I was pretty shocked the first time she mentioned adoption. <v Stephanie's Mom>I had always wanted another child.

<v Stephanie's Mom>I have 3 and I lost one after my son was born. <v Stephanie's Mom>So I was pretty ?adament? <v Stephanie's Mom>that day in telling her how I felt that I didn't want to have <v Stephanie's Mom>anything to do with it. I didn't want to see her or the baby. <v Stephanie's Mom>It was unfair. It was very hard on her. <v Stephanie's Mom>It upset her a lot. It upset me. <v Stephanie's Mom>I still can't understand how someone can carry <v Stephanie's Mom>a baby for 9 months and give it away. <v Del>I woke up this morning and Stephanie said she was having a little bit of contractions <v Del>and that her mucus plug had passed. <v Del>That means usually that you're gonna have your baby in about 48 hours. <v Del>So I told her I was gonna go to the beach for a few hours and I'd call her when I got <v Del>there and if she had any problems, I'd come home. And on the way home, I stopped and <v Del>called her at the phone and she said she was having contractions every 5 minutes.

<v Del>So I came home and rushed her to the hospital and they said it's too early. <v Del>Too much dirt, but I got it up. <v Del> <v Del>She's right down the street now and I'm sitting here hitting some golf balls, relaxing. <v Del>[laughing] As ?inaudible? as it gets? <v Stephanie>This morning, I called Fran, my social worker to tell her I was in labor so she could <v Stephanie>tell the adoptive parents. <v Stephanie>I like Fran a lot. She's really nice. <v Stephanie>She cares a lot. Instead of just just trying <v Stephanie>to push me into giving up the baby, she tries to make sure that's the right thing for me <v Stephanie>to do. [TV show plays] <v Stephanie>It's frustrating waiting around, waiting for my labor to get worse. <v Stephanie>Del doesn't have any idea what it's like for me right now.

<v Stephanie>He should be with me, but I didn't expect him to be with me. <v Stephanie>Del's so ?immature? I figured that he would, it would hit him, you know. <v Stephanie>And he he wouldn't be able to handle it like he thought he would. <v Stephanie>It's been about an hour, hour and a half since my contractions got a lot worse. <v Stephanie>Del left me at his sister's about 2 or 3 hours ago, <v Stephanie>so he's just gonna be getting to his girlfriend's house and I gotta call him back. <v Del>An hour after I got there, the phone rang. <v Del>My mom was on the phone. <v Del>You better get your butt back here. She's going into labor. <v Nurse>C'mon, into your nose. Big cleansing breath. <v Del>You gotta start breathing more. <v Stephanie>Sometimes it makes me feel like he really does care about me. <v Stephanie>You know, maybe this other girl, just just because of her looks is why he's with her, you <v Stephanie>know? And then soon as I'm back to normal, he won't want to see her no more, or anything

<v Stephanie>like that. And then sometimes I feel like it's just because he feels it's his <v Stephanie>responsibility, you know, and he has to do it. <v Nurse>You might want to sit up a little bit or no? Is that good? <v Stephanie>My mom got pregnant really young, and that was with me. <v Stephanie>And she never, ever let me forget it. <v Stephanie>She she doesn't say it anymore. But a lot of times when I was growing up, she would say, <v Stephanie>you know, how she could've did this and this and this if she didn't have <v Stephanie>her daughter so young and everything. <v Stephanie>And she says she doesn't regret me. <v Stephanie>You know, she loves me and everything. I know she does, but I still she could had so <v Stephanie>much more without me. <v Del>I'm going to leave my thing in here. I'm gonna go get something to eat. <v Stephanie>I think I changed a lot from a year ago. <v Stephanie>I was always, I always felt like I was old. <v Stephanie>I always felt like I was older. But now I feel really old. <v Stephanie>I feel like I'm in my 30s or 40s. <v Nurse>?inaudible? <v Nurse>She is? All right.

<v Nurse>She's 8 to 9 ?centimeters?. So it's not going to be long. <v Nurse>OK, shoe covers. <v Del>When I left over to Jack in the Box to get something to eat, she was she said she hurt a little bit like a mild toothache. So, when I came back, I didn't even know who she was. <v Nurse>So what do you think about that epidural? Better, huh? <v Nurse>What were you feeling when you were having the contractions before? <v Stephanie>My my back ?inaudible? <v Nurse>Your back. And now your back doesn't hurt at all, does it? No. <v Del>Her contractions were so close together that it was like it was never stopping. <v Del>It was just contraction after contraction after contraction. <v Nurse>?inaudible? OK Stephanie, deep breath in. Push, push, push. That's it. Keep going. <v Nurse>Come on, Stephanie. Come on, baby's head is on its way out.

<v Nurse>That's it. Keep going. Quick breath in. Keep going. <v Nurse>Hey, Stephanie. Guess what's out? Come on. OK, take a quick breath. Don't push. We have to check the baby for a minute, OK. The head's out. <v Del>Relax, relax. ?inaudible? <v Nurse>Pressure, yeah that's the baby. Give <v Nurse>us a push. One big push, one big push so we can get this baby out. <v Nurse>OK. <v Nurse>We got a baby at 7:19. It's a little girl. <v Del>Told you. <v Nurse>Give me one second here now. OK, Stephanie, here's the baby. <v Stephanie>?inaudible? [baby crying]

<v Stephanie>I decided I'm going to keep her. <v Stephanie>I decided for sure this morning. <v Stephanie>When I was in recovery, I figured I would be changing my mind <v Stephanie>because I had such a hard time with her. <v Stephanie>I don't know what it's going to be like. Probably will be hard, <v Stephanie>especially since I'm young. <v Stephanie>I hope it will be a lot different from how I grew up. <v Stephanie>I'll try real hard. I'll tell Del when the social worker gets here. That way he'll be nicer. [laughing] <v Stephanie> <v Del>Am I holding her wrong or something? <v Stephanie's Mom>Put her up on your shoulder for a minute. <v Del>I could tell as soon as I walked in here that something wasn't right. <v Stephanie's Mom>Stick her up on your shoulder and pat her little back. <v Del>How high? Am I too low or too high?

<v Stephanie's Mom>No, you're fine. <v Del>I don't know what I'm doing, now pat her little back? <v Stephanie's Mom>Yeah. ?inaudible? She's had a little air under there and it makes milk come out. <v Del>Like I said, you know, that family was really counting on having the kid and all that. B <v Del>ut she goes I know, but I just can't give it up. <v Del>And I tried to explain to her that she probably shouldn't have ever <v Del>held the kid. She should've just left in the nursery. <v Stephanie's Mom>Spitting all over yourself like that. <v Del>I thought she threw up. That wasn't throw up? <v Del>That was just air? <v Stephanie's Mom>That just spitting up, babies spit up sometimes. <v Stephanie>I've had no second thoughts about keeping her. <v Stephanie>?inaudible? in the morning when I wake up with her. I still think she's perfect. <v Stephanie>Nothing changed in my life when I changed my mind about the adoption. <v Stephanie>I just thought about it really hard and tried to see if I could make something change in <v Stephanie>my life. You know, if I did keep her, if I would be able to take care of her or not.

<v Stephanie>I looked ?at her? and I thought about it all night long in the hospital and the whole day <v Stephanie>in recovery and stuff. <v Stephanie>And I figured, you know, as long as I worked really hard at it, I probably could. <v Stephanie>I'm going to stay here <v Stephanie>until I get enough money to go and rent someplace else, because I don't want to stay <v Stephanie>here that long. Just as long as I have to. I'm going to start looking for a <v Stephanie>job, probably after my 6 week check up. <v Stephanie>My mom will probably take care of my baby while I'm working since I'm already here and everything. She said she would. <v Del>I don't know, I don't know. I'm not really into it yet. <v Del>I've been sick all week. <v Del>I like the kid, but I don't know. <v Del>Still a lot of ?inaudible?. <v Doctor>So you feel like a burden or? <v Del>No, not really.

<v Del>See, I haven't- my girlfriend doesn't like this baby at all. <v Del>[laughing] Now Stephanie's acting like, "don't touch me" ?inaudible? <v Del>I'm on one of these trips now. <v Doctor>?Seems? like a lot of tension between you two today. <v Doctor>Maybe you feel like you're getting further and further apart? <v Stephanie>No. 'Cause I don't want him to be with me, and I'll his friend and everything because <v Stephanie>I want him to come around and be her father because he is. <v Stephanie>But I don't want to be with them and be with this other girlfriend, too, <v Stephanie>you know, because I had to put up with him while I was pregnant. <v Stephanie>I Had to, I didn't have a choice. Now, I have a choice and I don't want to do it. <v Doctor>Sure, and that's your right. <v Stephanie>It's kind of sad to me 'cause we've always got along really good. <v Stephanie>You know, we could always talk and say things. <v Stephanie>And then all of a sudden it just kind of flip flopped and is practically like we hate <v Stephanie>each other. <v Stephanie>I know about regrets. <v Stephanie>I regret ever meeting Del. <v Stephanie>He put me through so much and he's still putting me through too much for me to handle.

<v Stephanie>But without him, I wouldn't have her. So, can't really talk about regrets ?inaudible? <v Stephanie> I don't want to forget how I had the choice to <v Stephanie>either give her away or keep her. <v Stephanie>I'll probably feel weighted down when she gets older. <v Stephanie>Right now, that's still a new thing is like a new toy, I guess. <v Stephanie>For her, it'd be so much better and so much easier for her if she could've went with <v Stephanie>that other family, you know, she'd have what she needed. <v Stephanie>She'd have a place to live, a nice place. <v Stephanie>She'd have really nice parents and stuff. <v Stephanie>And with me, she doesn't have home. <v Stephanie>She's doesn't have parents, really. <v Stephanie>She has me and she has Del, whenever Del decides to come around. <v Stephanie>She doesn't have anything that she would have with the adoptive family. <v Stephanie>I guess everyone likes to be greedy once in awhile. <v Stephanie>And I want to keep my toys to myself. <v Robert Foxworth>Stephanie's sudden change of heart may have been unexpected, but it is far from unusual.

<v Robert Foxworth>Every year, more than half a million unwed teenage girls give birth <v Robert Foxworth>and only 4 percent give their babies for adoption. <v Robert Foxworth>It's been almost a year since Stephanie made the choice to keep her young daughter. <v Robert Foxworth>It's not been an easy year. She and Del have drifted apart. <v Robert Foxworth>Stephanie's attempts to get a job and go back to school were interrupted when her parents <v Robert Foxworth>were evicted from their home. [baby crying]. <v Robert Foxworth>Since giving birth, Stephanie has been living on welfare. <v Robert Foxworth>Now the welfare has run out and Stephanie's new life as a single parent is more uncertain <v Robert Foxworth>than ever. <v Stephanie>I named my baby Stephanie Rae. <v Stephanie>Times when there's nowhere for me or Stephanie to go <v Stephanie>or there's nothing for her to eat, I do just about

<v Stephanie>anything possible. <v Stephanie>Like I sent her over to her Aunt Wanda's house a couple of times to spend <v Stephanie>the night. And I slept in my car or I borrow money from one of my neighbors <v Stephanie>or from a close friend and tell, you know, the next time I get money <v Stephanie>or the next time I work and get paid. <v Stephanie>My whole life right now is baby. [laughing] Everything I do <v Stephanie>in my life leads to something for the baby. <v Stephanie>I go to work so I can take care of the baby. <v Stephanie>I go to school so I can get a better job so I can do even better for the baby. <v Stephanie>Um, my entire life is baby. <v Stephanie>[music plays] <v Robert Foxworth>Not all turning points are matters of private choice. <v Robert Foxworth>Some are public affairs. Birth, adulthood, marriage, death. <v Robert Foxworth>All have public ceremonies proclaiming our personal progress to society as <v Robert Foxworth>a whole. In our next story, we'll share one of the most ancient of these

<v Robert Foxworth>rites of passage. [music plays] <v Robert Foxworth>Bar mitzvah means son of commandments. <v Robert Foxworth>According to Jewish tradition, it is the occasion when a boy becomes a man. <v Robert Foxworth>13 year old Craig Alexander's bar mitzvah also represented a turning point in the lives <v Robert Foxworth>of his parents. A reaffirmation of their religious roots. <v Robert Foxworth>Rituals may vary from congregation to congregation. <v Robert Foxworth>This is how the Alexander family celebrated this ancient ceremony of men. <v Craig Alexander>[singing] [recording plays] [tape rewinds] <v Craig Alexander>I've been preparing for my bar mitzvah for about 5 years, and I

<v Craig Alexander>started in Hebrew school in fourth grade and then I had a tutor. <v Craig Alexander>I've had a tutor for about 6 months ?studying? <v Craig Alexander>And practicing um an hour a day or <v Craig Alexander>until I knew the what I was supposed to do. <v Craig Alexander>[tape rewinds] <v Speaker>A lot more to do? <v Craig Alexander>No, I'm almost done. <v Speaker>Coming up pretty soon. <v Craig Alexander>For my bar mitzvah, I have to write a speech. <v Craig Alexander>And there's the introduction, the body, and the conclusion like everything else. <v Craig Alexander>And I think the rabbi is going to help me a little more with my speech and tell <v Craig Alexander>me what else to put in. But that's basically what it's going to be. <v Rabbi>Well, what does bar mitzvah were mean to you? <v Rabbi>Not to me, to you. <v Craig Alexander>?inaudible? OK, um.

<v Rabbi>Well, let's look at the word. What does bar mean? <v Rabbi>It's not a place you go to have a drink. Son of-. <v Rabbi>Yes. And mitzvah is? <v Craig Alexander>Good deed or commandment. <v Rabbi>And so the story is told of Abraham who gets up and he leaves his father's house and he <v Rabbi>goes to find the promised land. And what he's going on is a journey. <v Craig Alexander>Well. <v Rabbi>Going on a journey like that, when you hear an inner voice that takes a lot of <v Rabbi>courage, it takes a lot of independence, it takes a lot of the things <v Rabbi>that now as you become a bar mitzvah, you need to think about. <v Rabbi>You need those things to make this journey into manhood. <v Rabbi>You're leaving your childhood behind you. <v Rabbi>You're never going to be a little kid anymore. <v Rabbi>You're only going to get more and more mature, more and more grown up, and <v Rabbi>you're going to have more privileges. <v Rabbi>Great things that you can do. But also important responsibilities. <v Rabbi>And I want you to look through the Torah reading and see about the journey of Abraham <v Rabbi>and relate it to the journey of Craig. <v Rabbi>?inaudible? <v Craig Alexander>I know it's not going to happen overnight and not going to be one minute, a boy and the

<v Craig Alexander>next minute a man. <v Craig Alexander>Supposed to be. But um I think after my bar mitzvah, I'm going to ha- I'm <v Craig Alexander>already starting take on more responsibilities. <v Craig Alexander>Um, not necessarily because I just became a bar mitzvah, but, because <v Craig Alexander>I'm 13 now and I'm supposed to be mature and I think I think <v Craig Alexander>I have matured a bit or more. <v Craig Alexander>I don't know I just want- I I just can't wait to get it over with. <v Craig Alexander>I'd do it today if I could, but um I can't. <v Tennis Coach>Really nice balls today. You using this kind of to relax for your bar mitzvah as an <v Tennis Coach>outlet a little bit? <v Craig Alexander>[laughing] No. My mom is doing a great job of planning the bar mitzvah <v Craig Alexander>and the party. She really is taking charge of it all. <v Craig's Mother>We're not doing an extravaganza. Um, I really believe that <v Craig's Mother>that Craig is is uh an accomplished 13 year old little boy

<v Craig's Mother>who has worked hard for this day and studied and really prepared for <v Craig's Mother>it. But I still think he's a 13 year old little boy. <v Craig's Mother>And for that reason, it should be an appropriate party for a 13 <v Craig's Mother>year old. <v Craig Alexander>Hi, Mom. <v Craig's Brother>Hi, Mom. <v Craig Alexander>How many responses did I get today? <v Craig's Mother>Got 2. <v Craig's Mother>Mr and Mrs. Rosenfeld. <v Craig Alexander>The Rosenfelds are coming. <v Craig's Father>At least you got tennis shoes on. <v Craig Alexander>I love my dad. He's a great guy. <v Craig Alexander>I think my bar mitzvah means a lot to my parents. <v Craig Alexander>Neither of them either had a bar or bat mitzvah. <v Craig Alexander>And I think it makes it all the more meaningful to them. <v Craig's Father>Whoa, there you go. I'll tell you what, I'll make you a deal. You help me with my prayer and I'll help you the ?math?. How's that, huh? <v Craig Alexander>That's good. <v Craig's Father>So I had no upbringing in the Jewish tradition and in our house we had no <v Craig's Father>there was no traditional Jewish family life.

<v Craig's Father>Um, I certainly recognized I was Jewish, but it was really um not <v Craig's Father>an integral part of our lives, and in fact, when I uh I didn't identify <v Craig's Father>myself as a Jew, really when I was growing up. <v Craig's Father>[speaking Hebrew] <v Craig's Father>To me, it's it's disappointing that the the words don't mean as much as uh <v Craig's Father>I would like them to me. <v Craig's Father>Because I am simply going through the phonetics and you don't have the meaning. <v Craig's Father>It's very meaningful to me and to Joan that Craig <v Craig's Father>uh is having a bar mitzvah. And that's something I really wish I had. <v Craig's Mother>It's on my mind all the time. It seems that the closer you get to the bar mitzvah date, <v Craig's Mother>the more urgent things become. <v Craig's Mother>You just there there are so many details. <v Craig's Mother>Because we're just doing green and white, it is sort of a tennis theme.

<v Craig's Mother>So we're using this color green to look um-. <v Friend>Then just do green and white, yeah. <v Friend>And the foil that we have will go fine. <v Craig's Mother>OK. And I I can do maybe do more green than white. <v Craig's Mother>My parents are first generation Americans. <v Craig's Mother>My father felt uh strongly that it wasn't <v Craig's Mother>necessary to have a religious Jewish education if you were culturally <v Craig's Mother>Jewish. And this was all part of his trying to integrate himself <v Craig's Mother>as as an American. <v Craig's Mother>I as a teenager always felt that I did want the religious education. <v Craig's Mother>I did want to attend services, go to synagogue, and participate <v Craig's Mother>in that part of my heritage. <v Craig's Mother>Craig, in having a bar mitzvah, he is reinstituting into <v Craig's Mother>my life something that had been cut off for a while. <v Craig's Mother and Father>[singing]. <v Craig's Mother>I can do it, so. <v Rabbi>Alright and then you can give him a kiss. Handshake. [laughing]. <v Rabbi>He got it on both ends, okay. ?inaudible? lipstick.

<v Craig's Mother>I did that on purpose. <v Craig Alexander>Ow ?inaudible? <v Craig's Mother>Wait, I just wanna see-. <v Craig Alexander>No, I want it off. <v Craig's Mother>?inaudible? backwards. We need to hold it towards that. <v Craig Alexander>No, get it off. Is it off? Please? <v Rabbi>Yeah, it's off. <v Craig's Father>Don't get it on your shirt. <v Craig Alexander>Do you have a bobby pin I could borrow? <v Rabbi>We'll get Elmer's Glue for you, okay? <v Craig Alexander>I'm getting nervous now because my bar mitzvah so close less than 2 weeks. <v Craig Alexander>But um and when I get up there, I know I'm going to be really scared and everything. <v Craig Alexander>But I've heard that it's hard it's hard to do the first part. <v Craig Alexander>But once you get started, it's it's pretty easy. <v Craig Alexander>I hope that's the same with me. But I think after my bar mitzvah, I'm kind of going to <v Craig Alexander>miss it. Miss all the worrying and all the training and everything. <v Craig Alexander>I feel pretty nervous. ?inaudible? Everybody is starting to get ready. It's kind of funny. My mom is more nervous than I am. 2 and a half hours, 25 seconds.

<v Craig's Father>Now is there anything around here we have to do? <v Craig's Mother>Yeah, we got to clean all of this stuff. All this stuff up. <v Craig's Father>Well, I've got- OK. I'm going to put the light in, I'm going to put a new light in on the porch. Craig, <v Craig's Father>are you all ready? You feel all ready? Have a little something to eat. <v Craig's Father>You want to practice at all, Craig, huh? <v Craig's Father>No. <v Craig Alexander>No.

<v Craig's Father>Okay, just relax. <v Craig Alexander>I know. I'm trying. It doesn't help when everybody keepss talking about it. <v Craig Alexander>[music plays] <v Craig's Mother>[speaking Hebrew] <v Craig Alexander>I know millions of people have gone to the same thing I'm going through

<v Craig Alexander>and being nervous is just a part of it. <v Craig Alexander>So no matter what happens in there, hopefully it'll be good. <v Speaker>[singing] <v Craig Alexander>[speaking Hebrew]. <v Craig's Mother>Once Craig started and he began to read, I started <v Craig's Mother>to cry. But I was just overwhelmed. <v Craig's Mother>I just had so much maternal pride. <v Craig Alexander>[singing] <v Craig's Father> I felt a great deal of pride <v Craig's Father>in uh in Craig. And also, as I sat there, thought back

<v Craig's Father>on the on the on the tradition in my family and in Joan's family. <v Craig's Father>And uh I'm going to be very proud when all 3 of my boys have been bar mitzvahed and <v Craig's Father>perhaps I will someday as well. <v Craig's Father> <v Craig Alexander>Shabbat Shalom. <v Craig Alexander>I would like to thank you all for coming here this evening. <v Craig Alexander>According to the Jewish religion, I now am a man, which means what? <v Craig Alexander>It means being more responsible. <v Craig Alexander>It is also a time of change. <v Craig Alexander>For instance, at this age, many people begin to grow fast. <v Craig Alexander>I hope I'm one of them. [laughing] <v Craig Alexander>I like to thank my mom and dad for allowing <v Craig Alexander>me this day. I have seen how hard it is to prepare. <v Craig Alexander>Part of the process in becoming a bar mitzvah is becoming more responsible. <v Craig Alexander>Even though sometimes I didn't want to do it, I didn't really argue with it because I

<v Craig Alexander>knew that the day would come when it all paid off. <v Craig Alexander>It's not only tutoring about Judaism, it's tutoring of life. <v Craig Alexander>I'd like to thank Janet, my tutor, Rabbi Baron, Cantor Fox, Gábor and <v Craig Alexander>all my friends and relatives for coming here tonight. <v Craig Alexander>Thank you all very much. <v Rabbi>Bar mitzvah is a turning point. <v Rabbi>It's a turning point in a person's life. <v Rabbi>It's the beginning. It's not really manhood, but it's the beginning of the road to <v Rabbi>manhood. And you started it very beautifully today, Craig. <v Speaker>[singing]. <v Speaker>[music plays] <v Craig Alexander>Now that I look back at my speech and I did it while ?inaudible? <v Craig Alexander>the right stuff. The right stuff dealt a lot with doing new things <v Craig Alexander>that had never been done before and breaking the ice, space technology.

<v Craig Alexander>It's kind of like my bar mitzvah now that I'm having my bar mitzvah, I now supposedly am <v Craig Alexander>a man, now I'm a bar mitzvah. <v Robert Foxworth>Mazeltov. <v Robert Foxworth>Now, if becoming an adult is accepting new responsibilities, taking <v Robert Foxworth>responsibility for our own health is one of the most important things we learn to do. <v Robert Foxworth>Sometimes the simplest choices can mean life or death. <v Robert Foxworth>Our next story concerns such weighty matters in more ways <v Robert Foxworth>than one. [music plays] <v Robert Foxworth>For many Americans, losing weight is no joke. <v Robert Foxworth>In September 1985, Lee McLaughlin weighed 400 pounds. <v Robert Foxworth>As an actor and stunt man, typecast as a fat guy, Lee's poundage paid off. B <v Robert Foxworth>ut there were costs to his health he couldn't ignore. <v Robert Foxworth>8 months ago, Lee decided to radically change his life. <v Robert Foxworth>His goal, shed 150 pounds.

<v Doctor>OK.Lee, you're uh you're at the crossroads here. <v Doctor>Pressure's too darn high. <v Doctor>To put it very bluntly and plainly, you're like a keg of dynamite <v Doctor>just waiting to explode. <v Lee McLaughlin>Well, I tried different diets, they just don't work, Doc. <v Lee McLaughlin>What what should I do? <v Doctor>Well, let's get you on a program. <v Lee McLaughlin>Well. <v Doctor>Can you do it? <v Lee McLaughlin>I have to go on a program. You know, I don't wanna die. <v Lee McLaughlin>I have to come up this way because I'm big and fat.

<v Lee McLaughlin>And I'm ?anchored? <v Lee McLaughlin>I've just accepted being fat. <v Lee McLaughlin>You know, that was my character. <v Lee McLaughlin>And I thought, you know, if I could just make people laugh. <v Lee McLaughlin>You know, that's really all I wanted. <v Lee McLaughlin>I hate to give up the idea of quit being an actor, 'cause that's my whole life. <v Lee McLaughlin>But uh you're not alive, you know. <v Lee McLaughlin>I'd rather be alive. <v Lee McLaughlin>Hi. Hi. <v Receptionist>Hi, Lee. How are you? <v Lee McLaughlin>Good, hopefully. <v Receptionist>I'm sure you are. <v Lee McLaughlin>I've started this weight loss program at I. <v Lee McLaughlin>H.M., the Institute of Health Maintenance. <v Lee McLaughlin>I go to the clinic once a week. <v Lee McLaughlin>I weighed 400 last week. <v Lee McLaughlin>I've lost another 6 pounds this week. So hopefully I'm down about 380. <v Lee McLaughlin>I want to lose 150 pounds. <v Lee McLaughlin>375. <v Nurse>140 over

<v Nurse>90. Came in at 148, we'll watch that ?inaudible? <v Nurse>to lose the weight. <v Lee McLaughlin>I'm going to write that down, if you don't mind. So I keep track of it too. <v Lee McLaughlin>The program that I'm on right now is strictly a fast. <v Lee McLaughlin>?inaudible? just no food, just the supplement that I'm drinking 5 times a day. <v Lee McLaughlin>And that's it. I I don't eat anything. <v Lee McLaughlin>This is it. <v Lee's Wife>How's that? <v Lee McLaughlin>Pretty good. <v Lee's Wife>Longer? <v Lee McLaughlin>No, that's alright. <v Lee McLaughlin>Chocolate milk's chocolate milk. <v Lee McLaughlin>My wife's been a big support. <v Lee McLaughlin>You know, going from food to just chocolate drink. <v Lee's Wife>Is it thick enough? The hardest thing for me to deal with with his diet <v Lee's Wife>is just making sure that I I give him support. <v Lee's Wife>And if he's not feeling real good about himself, just try and make sure <v Lee's Wife>that I feel good about him and I want him to do really well. <v Lee McLaughlin>That's great stuff.

<v Lee McLaughlin>I've had 2 dreams about food. I was dreaming that I had a sack <v Lee McLaughlin>of maltballs, that's the candy, and I put one in my mouth <v Lee McLaughlin>and I just crunched it and somebody yelled, "But you're on a diet. <v Lee McLaughlin>You're on a diet. You can't eat that." And I spit all of it out into like a paper towel. <v Lee McLaughlin>And I said, see, it's all there. Every piece is there. <v Lee McLaughlin>And then I woke up. I woke up. <v Nurse>Lee? Hi. <v Lee McLaughlin>Hi. How you doing? <v Nurse>Good. You need blood today. <v Nurse>So we'll have you go to the lab first. <v Nurse>How you feeling this week? <v Lee McLaughlin>Good, good, good, good. Let's see what the old scale says.

<v Nurse>346.5 ?tonight?. All right? <v Nurse>Let's go back and get your blood pressure. <v Doctor>Hello, Lee. <v Lee McLaughlin>Hi, Doc. <v Doctor>How are you doing today? <v Lee McLaughlin>Good, good to see you. <v Doctor>Good. Good to see you, too. <v Doctor>Well, how did the week go for you? <v Lee McLaughlin>I had a little bit of craving for some hotdogs at a football game, high school football <v Lee McLaughlin>game, but uh that's all. I mean, everything's been fine. <v Lee McLaughlin>I didn't eat any. I'm still on the fast. <v Doctor>You've gotten uh 54 and a half pounds off now and we're going to <v Doctor>move down week by week. <v Doctor>And I really would probably like to see around another 75 to 100 pounds off as <v Doctor>as your goal. That will be realistic for you to achieve and also to maintain. <v Lee McLaughlin>It's really uncomfortable sometimes, you know, walking in the malls. <v Lee McLaughlin>There's always people that look at you because you are big and fat and they make fun of

<v Lee McLaughlin>you. A lot of kids. <v Lee McLaughlin>This is- The majority of the shirts that you buy, you you always wear outside <v Lee McLaughlin>your pants because you don't think it makes you look quite as fat. <v Lee McLaughlin>I say it's going to be nice to be able to get in these clothes right off the rack. <v Lee McLaughlin>It'd be nice to walk around and nobody notice you. <v Salesman>How are you? <v Lee McLaughlin>Good. Good to see you. I brought- <v Lee McLaughlin>Yeah, I lost 65 pounds. <v Sales>OK. <v Lee McLaughlin>I was talking to Ira. <v Salesman>Yeah. <v Lee McLaughlin>And uh what I did was I brought these pants back. <v Lee McLaughlin>I never have used them. <v Salesman>OK. <v Lee McLaughlin>But they were size 60. <v Salesman>OK. <v Lee McLaughlin>And this was the same pair I bought the same day and it's size 60, but uh <v Lee McLaughlin>anyhow, I was talking uh to Ira. And he said that I might be able to swap <v Lee McLaughlin>a smaller size for this. <v Salesman>No problem. <v Lee McLaughlin>They're a little big.

<v Salesman>Well, I got ?inaudible?. <v Lee McLaughlin>I don't know if he can do much with this. <v Allen> If you wait another week, they can alter it into 2 pair. <v Lee McLaughlin>Alan, I don't <v Lee McLaughlin>?inaudible?. [laughing] ?Tony? just said 8 and a half inches in the waist already, uh 65 <v Lee McLaughlin>pounds. <v Lee McLaughlin>Pretty soon will be able to shop in the store for some clothes <v Lee McLaughlin>that are normal. <v Friend>To the two of you, 9 down. <v Lee's Wife>Many, many more happy years down. <v Lee McLaughlin>I'm not eating food. Everyone else is. <v Lee McLaughlin>I enjoy looking at their food, smelling their food. <v Lee McLaughlin>And it doesn't bother me. <v Lee McLaughlin>It would bother me if I didn't. <v Lee's Wife>Even though he says he doesn't mind. <v Lee's Wife>I feel more comfortable if when I eat a meal, it's not right <v Lee's Wife>in front of him. <v Lee McLaughlin>There are times when the ?least? ?little? thing will set me off a little bit.

<v Lee McLaughlin>I have to be careful. It doesn't take much. <v Lee McLaughlin> <v Waitstaff>[singing] Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. <v Waitstaff>Happy anniversary. [clapping]. <v Friend>1 and a 2 and a 3. <v Lee's Wife>Sorry. I don't think this is the raspberry tart. <v Lee's Wife>I'll eat it. <v Lee McLaughlin>Good. Yep. 3-. <v Nurse>318. OK, very good. <v Counselor>What would happen if you went somewhere and had a bite of something? <v Counselor>What do you think would happen to you if you had a uh a piece of cake? <v Lee McLaughlin> I'd be ruined. <v Counselor>What does that mean? <v Lee McLaughlin>I'd probably stop. I'd probably stop the program because I'm <v Lee McLaughlin>probably weak. I don't know. I just.

<v Lee McLaughlin>once I start something I'm just going to stay on and that's it until I get to my goal <v Lee McLaughlin>weight. And that's it. <v Counselor>For most people once they take that first bite of food, it's very <v Counselor>difficult to get back on that fast. <v Lee McLaughlin>When we started the class or about oh, maybe 15, 16 people, <v Lee McLaughlin>and there's only about uh 2 or 3 of us left. <v Lee McLaughlin>I mean it's a tough program. <v Lee McLaughlin>So anybody call? <v Lee's Wife>?inaudible? called and you have an interview tomorrow. <v Lee's Wife>So you lost 5 pounds? <v Lee McLaughlin>Yeah. That's uh 82 pounds in what? <v Lee McLaughlin>13 weeks? <v Lee McLaughlin>It's coming off. <v Lee's Wife>How's your headache? <v Lee McLaughlin>It's good, it's alright. <v Lee McLaughlin>The hardest time of the day to be on the fast is at night. <v Lee McLaughlin>When I watch TV sometimes when I get the food commercials, they're they're tough. <v Lee McLaughlin>Probably the food that I miss the most ?are

<v Lee McLaughlin>Biggie? is In and Out burgers. <v Lee McLaughlin>In and Out burgers are great. [laughing] [music plays] <v Lee McLaughlin>I can feel it. <v Trainer>Can you? <v Lee McLaughlin>Yeah. It's been a while since I've felt anything physical. ?inaudible? <v Lee McLaughlin>We're about uh 3 or 4 weeks that they said losing 5 or 6 pounds, <v Lee McLaughlin>I lost 3 pounds, 2 and a half and uh 3.

<v Lee McLaughlin>This last week was 4 and a half. It went back up a little bit, but it was very depressing <v Lee McLaughlin>because when you're losing 5, 6 pounds, then it seems like it's all worth while. <v Lee McLaughlin>But when you only lose to 2, 2 and a half pounds. <v Lee McLaughlin>You're looking for an out, you know, you're looking for some reason to uh to eat. <v Lee McLaughlin>297. I'm losing it. <v Lee McLaughlin>It's taken 18, 19 weeks, but it's losing it. <v Lee McLaughlin>The diet affects my work. <v Lee McLaughlin>I've been acting for 24 years and I've always been cast as a big fat <v Lee McLaughlin>guy. And when I read for this part, I mean I read for a cowboy. <v Photographer>I'd like you to go to the left if you could walk around the set. <v Lee McLaughlin>I didn't know what the job was about, but I needed work and I wanted it. When <v Lee McLaughlin>I got down there, I found out that I had actually got the part of a fat cowboy

<v Lee McLaughlin>and I had to stick out my stomach uh as much as I could. <v Photographer>Stick that stomach out. ?Chin up? <v Speaker>?inaudible? <v Photographer>Stick that stomach out. Nice and tall in the saddle. <v Photographer>Stick that chin out. <v Horse Trainer>Good boy. <v Photographer>Good. <v Photographer>See if we can accentuate that double chin a little bit. <v Lee McLaughlin>You're either damned if you do or you're damned if you don't. <v Lee McLaughlin>I have to do it. <v Lee McLaughlin>274. I am now able to lean over <v Lee McLaughlin>and to tie my shoes myself, which is remarkable <v Lee McLaughlin>when you consider that before it was hard to even see my shoes <v Lee McLaughlin>when I was in my car or truck. Now I can actually turn the steering wheel without <v Lee McLaughlin>uh trying to suck in my gut. No marks on my t-shirt from the steering wheel.

<v Lee McLaughlin>[laughing] <v Lee McLaughlin>My wife says that she can hug me easier now than before. <v Lee McLaughlin>Beginning to wonder if she likes a strange man in the house. <v Lee McLaughlin>Like been married twice, you know. <v Lee McLaughlin>Wonder who she liked? The big guy or me? <v Lee McLaughlin>I think she likes me. <v Lee's Wife>We've known each other for nearly 20 years. <v Lee's Wife>We've gone through a lot of changes and this just seems like one, but <v Lee's Wife>we're still the same. <v Lee's Wife>And the relationship is still basically whole. <v Lee's Wife>Our relationship isn't based on just how someone looks. <v Lee's Wife>We seem to enjoy doing things together more <v Lee's Wife>because he enjoys doing things. So that's made that <v Lee's Wife>made us happier, I think. <v Lee McLaughlin>It's been 7 and a half months and I'm closing in on my goal weight.

<v Lee McLaughlin>It's scary. <v Nurse>But you're not up to 157, but you're 256 and 3 quarters is <v Nurse>probably somewhere between those two. <v Doctor>Hi, Lee! <v Lee McLaughlin>Hi. Doc. <v Doctor>How are you today? <v Lee McLaughlin>I feel real good. <v Doctor>Good. Any problems this week? <v Lee McLaughlin>No. <v Doctor>You've lost 150 pounds. <v Doctor>That's really great. <v Doctor>Couldn't be better, Lee. A perfect 120 over 70. <v Doctor>There are no irregular heartbeats, the pattern is normal. <v Doctor>It doesn't show any heart enlargement and it doesn't show any stress and strain on <v Doctor>the heart. That's one of the things we really tried to accomplish by getting you to lose <v Doctor>that 150 pounds. <v Doctor>You move better, you're not short of breath. <v Doctor>No chest pain. None of those things anymore. <v Doctor>That's really encouraging. And we're gonna watch you every week. <v Doctor>And when you have graduated to food alone and no supplement, we're going to ask you to <v Doctor>enter our weight maintenance program. And that's absolutely vital.

<v Lee McLaughlin>I feel a lot different. <v Lee McLaughlin>I feel good about myself. <v Lee McLaughlin>I just know that since I've lost the weight, that my wife uh <v Lee McLaughlin>is a lot happier for me and she knows that I <v Lee McLaughlin>feel better. She's pleased that maybe I'll live a little longer. <v Lee McLaughlin>You know? <v Lee McLaughlin>I feel like going places and taking her places. <v Lee McLaughlin>The weight loss uh in my career, it's going to be tough. <v Lee McLaughlin>Being big, I really got to do a lot of work. <v Lee McLaughlin>Uh, but by not being big, it's like going to be starting all over again. <v Lee McLaughlin>I'll do it. It's all there is to it. <v Lee McLaughlin>[music plays] <v Robert Foxworth>Lee achieved his goal, but the odds are still against him.

<v Robert Foxworth>Fasting brings rapid weight loss, but it's a sad statistical fact that without permanent <v Robert Foxworth>changes in eating habits and exercise, most people will gain back everything they lost <v Robert Foxworth>and more. <v Robert Foxworth>Since returning to a diet of solid food almost 3 months ago, Lee has put on 20 <v Robert Foxworth>pounds. Not unusual, but is it the start of a steady climb back <v Robert Foxworth>up the scale or a minor course correction and a healthier new direction for the rest of <v Robert Foxworth>Lee's life? <v Lee McLaughlin>Well, first of all, uh I'm not going to gain my weight back like I like I have in the <v Lee McLaughlin>past because I've made up my mind for the for the really probably the first time that <v Lee McLaughlin>the ?words? I know that if I keep going up and down, that this is going to kill me. <v Lee McLaughlin>I mean, being overweight will kill you. <v Lee McLaughlin>And uh I just finally made up my mind that I've got rid of majority of <v Lee McLaughlin>all the big clothes that I wore before. <v Lee McLaughlin>And so I'm not going to have those clothes. I'm not going to go buy any more clothes. <v Lee McLaughlin>I mean, I'm going to keep going down, not up. <v Lee McLaughlin>[music plays]