A Gay Men’s Chorus Experiences Loss, Grief, and Anger (1993)

and they have chosen gays and or people with AIDS to have that anger. Now, there's a good one. It's okay to feel anger toward the person who left. And it's okay to feel anger toward social conventions or customs that may have contributed to your loss. And it's okay to be angry at God or the fates. But it's not okay to be angry at yourself. There's so much of my experience that was being invested in how things appear. Imagine that. You're so strong. You're so together. How can you be doing so well? And Jim and I had planned to take a skiing trip in February of last year. The plans were made and I

thought at the time since I was doing so well. And I was doing so wonderfully that I just get packed and go. Until I pull the suitcase down from the attic to get my ski clothes out of it and open it up and on one side, very neatly packed were all of my ski gear, my pants and shirts. And on the other side were all of his clothes. And he should have been taking that trip with me. There's not a reason in the world that he shouldn't have been. And I lost it. I screamed and yelled and ran into the furniture. I tell you, I felt like Glenn close at the end of dangerous liaisons. But I just didn't have a choice. I angry about people that I know that I care about, that I see waste away. I'm also angry.

I want to have to go to another memorial service and say goodbye to somebody else. I'm tired of saying goodbye. This life has been one big goodbye. I'm also angry at people that don't understand. I'm angry with people who won't honestly look at life and suffering and death that they can't love the way I feel like I love. My anger covers up my pain, my loneliness, my fear that I'm going to have to do it again.