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Transcribe the minds of many situation and mine alone. Each of us has an undeveloped unrealized capacities for effective living. They await our true understanding of the mental and emotional forces at work within US forces which we share with the minds of men everywhere. It is toward a clearer picture of what goes on in our minds and our emotions that we work in these programs. Not that picture as it appears on the broad canvas of all humankind. But as it is revealed in the small dimensions of everyday in the lives of those very much like. Ours.
Two weeks ago and I didn't even know it. Isn't that the most incredible thing I didn't even know he existed. I walk up and down the same halls and. Talk to the same class and. It was just like another world was a different funny now to think about it. I actually am worried here Terry sparks wouldn't ask me for the kick but I couldn't make up my mind who I like Terry or Jimmie Higgins or Randy Briggs. As if they met or. Hikari Oh yeah here are your books. No thanks I'm waiting for somebody. Where is he. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have waited around like this for any body. Oh I can't care I'm waiting for Warren. Well stupid the bells wrong. We'd
better run you run I'm going to wait all day. You know he really has changed so my life since Warren came. What if he hadn't moved here my whole life would have been different. I'd be sitting in biology class right this minute. All the real chill because Terry carried my books and I wouldn't know I wouldn't even begin to know how it feels to be waiting here for Warren so weak in the sense that process Lee I'm sorry where were you I thought you forgot. No no I didn't forget I went all the way from the annex the banks kept me after clashing. Did you get yours. Yeah but I I got mine. It took all my allowance every day it looks as though How about after school. I'm late to my algebra class or one night to biology but I've got a quiz. I'm not in there when he puts the problems on the board would be there. Where's your bracelet. It's in my locker your locker. I put it in there this morning. I thought I'd get by on an old lady but I think you're horrid.
Well certainly give a guy a bright eyed guru if you didn't really want to exchange Jennifer cation bracelets Why do. And you say so yesterday. I do I do want to and we will right after school after school but that's too late. What's too late about it heck what difference does it make what difference does it make. Well if you don't know Warren everybody knows you're my girl. Do they Terry want to carry my books. Sparks straighten him out. Who's going to straighten out Barber Teasdale and Wanda Greenlee. They don't mean anything to me you know that. Maybe I do but they don't. And I want him to. I want everybody in the post-coup to know that you're mine just mine and nobody else's. Radio-TV the University of Texas presents the minds of many. A series of explorations into effective living. Written by the Durham
twins and directed by R. C. Norris. These programs are prepared by the assistance and counsel of the Hogg foundation for Mental Hygiene. And produce going to respect to a grant from the Educational Television and Radio Center in cooperation with the National Association of educational broadcasters. Their aim. A keener understanding of the forces universally a work in the minds of men. It was. For his fellow man is the golden key life gives to every man. With it he can unlock the bountiful treasures of requited love of reciprocal friendship of the sharing and belonging self. Jealousy is the alloy reserved for the craven few. Those who translate need into procession who fear to have without
holding who use life ski not to seek access to another but to prevent his escape. For jealousy it tries to keep what no chain can bind and the needed eludes the bond even as the need for whispers in urgency be mine and mine alone. The. Right. Anybody home. Oh Carol it's you. Yeah. Yes ma'am. I hope to nobody answered so I just popped on in and we'll of course I was in the kitchen and I couldn't be sure I heard but festive certainly should head in as she whole. Why yes she came in nearly an hour ago didn't she call you No ma'am. Well I told her to add Lee Allison penny to they both call. Yes ma'am I've talked to them. We're all on the decorations Committee for the dance and we're supposed to meet at bitties house he asked his folks can take. But nobody can pick up and I thought maybe
that Cecille could have our car. Let's see this is Tuesday yes I'm sure we can arrange it. All good. Well that's fine and that is taking hours to a meeting. Would it be all right for me to talk to says Lee. I mean. Well she's not feeling better in the film Oh no she's up in a room run right on up Carol. I don't understand why she didn't call you but then I don't understand a lot of things about that daughter. Yes. I said yes it's me Carol. So I asked this and say this your mother says that you can have a car tonight and I wanted I'm not going. How come Warren's coming over where you got a coke. But we all agree we wouldn't have dates. It's a Last night we can get together on the decorations. And you're the chairman of the committee. I'm resigning. Why you mad about something. No. Well I just don't see any point in working on the decorations when I'm not going to the dance. It's not going to the hype or should I say Astley Deland. It's the biggest dance of the year.
It's what we've been looking forward to all through high school. Gosh everybody will think you're crazy or something. I don't care what they think. I don't care what anybody thinks except Warren. You have got it bad. I know I have. Look sass Warren has been sniping at you about Dancing with the other boys or anything on that. No I wish he would. HEY WHAT IS THIS YOU WISH she wound us and then I'd know he cares as much about me as I do about him. I want him to hate it when I dance with anybody else or talk to anybody else or even think about anything that isn't him because I hate it I hate it when he helps me Suggs with their Latin and Amy's Sug she's a creep. I don't care I hate it anyway. I hate it when he talks to the coach about football and when he talks to other boys about cars. I even hate it when he's home with his family. I always say if you don't mean that I do I hate everything in his life that isn't me. Well that's just plain dull. I don't care that's the way I feel and I want him to feel the same way.
You don't. You couldn't. That's a terrible way to feel. The love is terrible it is to have one person so important to you that that you'll just die if you're not that important back. I would die Carol. I couldn't stand it. Love's not like I thought it was it's not because. Because here I am him low. I've. Never been so miserable and I was. Take but just a minute Warren just a Coke. I've been waiting nearly an hour. We didn't have cars today and I waited anyway since I've got football practice you know that. But they don't start right on time they never do. Well they will today we play the Maroons Friday. You can be a few minutes like come on I want to talk to you about something. What I'll tell you over at the drive I can't says how many times Lindsey
will eat me alive if I'm late today. All right all right if you don't want to talk to me about something important I do want to talk to you don't get so assess I can't help it I've got football practice. Then you'll come by tonight for a little while. I don't know I just for a little while this is important. It's always important says My family is chewing me out about running around at night. They say if I don't quit and get my grades up that they don't understand war and they don't know how important it is. Well but I I've got to say you I've just got to. OK OK maybe I can no maybe say you will. All right I will promise. Yes yes I promise. Well you don't have to say it like that. Look how many ways are there to say and you said promise I said I promise I'll be there. Now I got a show of.
And they just will change their mind they just won't. You didn't think they would YOU said so all along I thought if I could make them see how desperate it was how much we want to be together. You do want to be together don't you Warren. Sure sis your parents are so blonde so stupid so cruel. Yes yes cruel. They both went to the silly old university so I've got to go to the university and you go running off to tech got to sis. They gave me a football scholarship I couldn't go anywhere without that. Well but. But I could go to take I don't have a music department at take you're going to major in music. I could major in oh I don't care for it. It wouldn't matter if I could just go where you're going but you can't says face it I can't face it. I can't even stand to think about it and I don't see how you can. If you care anything at all about me don't you care anything at all about me Warren. Course I do. Not as much as I care about you warn you don't I know you don't say yes please I mean it. There's always something
else for you. Football and other people and scholarships and grades in your family look cess. I've got a life to live you know that and I'm just a little tiny part of it. You know you're a big part of it and how can you be so calm about all this. We're going to be separated Warren. From schools miles between us will lose each other no we won't service they'll be holidays and then letters letters. What good are they. You can't hold on anybody with letters. You won't be mine anymore just mine. You belong to to that place and those people and I I will be anything that's all. Did you see how often we do. How can you sit there and say. Face it. Because well because there's not a thing we can do about it. We could get married married and then they couldn't send us to different schools not if we're married are you crazy we can't get married we're just kids. We haven't got a dime. Look says let's not go off the deep end about this goal right.
Engaged in all that screwy what good would that do. You still have to go to the university and I'd still you'd be mine and I'd be yours. We belong to each other not to anybody else. And they'd all know it like the identification bracelets remember. Yeah but that was all that just meant you were going steady. You could you could break that off in a week if you wanted to. But this means that we're going to be married just as soon as we can. I don't I haven't even got a ring. I don't need a ring not right now. Just say it. But I don't say we're engaged. That's all you have to say. We are engaged. If you love me if you really love me. Go ahead Warren say it say it say it. What are you doing here what's up. Nothing Ah well I was shopping and noticed what time it was and
thought I'd meet you here in the coffee shop. You gotta work down have some coffee. I haven't finished mine. I'd like to talk to you just talk to you it seems to me I never get to anymore you're in that office all day. That's a working man I know but well I come home from school period. My family because I won't stay for my degree. Also I can be with you and I'm not with you. Look why don't we have a bite somewhere and go for a drive out to the lake. Maybe I've got to work tonight since I can't work tonight. Again but you've got to help. But that's not your job. Other people help you help them help. Who is other people. Linda Burroughs. Yes if you must know. Only you'd rather I didn't know. Isn't that right Warren. You wouldn't have told me it was Linda if I hadn't made you tell me.
That's not why you know the real reason you feel guilty. That's the real reason why I know about Linda Warren. You know that I had a few dates with movies in an office party. Is that what you know. Yes and all that time you were writing that you love me and that you missed me. Why did you write those things if you didn't mean them. I didn't mean them. But we were engaged and you weren't even true to me. I was true. Technically maybe but not in your heart not in your mind where you aren't. Look at me were you know I guess I was. Why why I don't know. I just don't know except except what I can't move I can't breathe. I feel myself being trapped. It's that every time I'm with you I get frantic like somebody who's going ham going into a
straitjacket for the rest of his life but that's not me Warren that you. Yes you do it to yourself. Don't you see what it really is. It's selfishness and it's immaturity. It's being afraid to grow up and face a man's responsibility. Of course you don't recognize it. We don't recognize those things in ourselves but it's true if you'll just look at it. You don't want to settle down to a grown man's life with one wife and one home and one love. That's why you feel trapped. That's why you feel chained. That's why Linda listen for years ever since but don't you see my darling it'll be different when we are married. When you do face up to what you oughta be what every man your age is meant to be then you won't have all these phobias all these confusions. Let's get married Warren right away works. I'll be married to you and you'll be married to me. Then
we'll know we belong to each other and everything will work out all right. Believe me Warren dearest it will you'll see you'll see. Where is Warren for easy always is like this. He's to call it seven. He doesn't call. I call his office he's not there. It's cruel of him when he knows how it upsets me when I've told him over and over again to make me wait and wait and wait and wonder and more wonder and wonder. Especially when he knows how nervous I am when he knows it will mean another headache see huge. He's so sure
I'll be here. He's so sure that when his office and his work and his meetings and he has his other interests can spare him for a minute I'll be right here. Just once I ought not to be here just once when he comes home to be here. Well it's about time I was half out of my mind. Where were you. I didn't ask what you told me. I asked square you were. You said you'd call it seven. I'm sorry dear I was with Dickens until 7:30. We worked like crazy men right up to the time of the meeting there just wasn't time. There's never time. Not for me. For everything else but not for me. Well you kept me waiting here without any word for five hours. Aren't you even going to kiss me. I'm sorry. I'm tired terribly tired too tired I suppose to ask how I feel. How do you feel settling. Oh it doesn't matter if you have to be prompted to ask. But
even if I hadn't had one of my very worst days I'd be sick now sick with worry over what Sis you knew I had this meeting. What meeting. I called your office nobody answered. I'm not up to Warren. We had the meeting in at your son's office. A likely story. It happens to be true. Does it Warren. Are you sure. Oh come off it says what are you driving at. I don't know. That's just it I don't know what. Would you tell me Warren. It would be much simpler if you'd come right out and tell me then I wouldn't have to wonder and worry and make myself sick sicker than I already am. But I wouldn't have to probe and pry and piece things together. What things what are you talking about. I'm talking about whoever it is you're with when you're not here when I can't find you when there's a meeting going on and nobody answers. You said when we were married that everything would be better that we'd have each other and that's all we'd want. You said I wasn't.
And why wasn't it. I'll tell you why they call you knew you didn't intend to have it that way. You knew I wanted you and only you but you couldn't be just mine. You had to be somebody else's too. It was Linda. Who is it now Warren. Tell me tell me to my face. Who is it now. Thanks. Though to discuss jealousy. Here are Dr. Wayne Holtzman associate director in charge of research for the Hogg foundation for Mental Hygiene and Dr. Henry Bowman marriage counselor and associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas. Boy that's a tough one. I sure would hate to be in worn shoes. What do you think Hank. Well when I'd certainly hate to be in worn shoes to you know there at the end Cicely ask a question that I think we can answer pretty easily. She says Who is it now who
is it now. And the answer is always going to be sesame herself don't you think. There's always going to be someone she projects this thing on to. Yes and there probably was someone before and I'll That's the first we saw especially today. Well there must have been some background to this behavior that we saw incessantly when what do you suppose would lead up to a thing like that. I mean as you know we don't know especially I imagine that goes back to our own childhood some extent in the way that that is quite often we find in people of this sort that they have learned to manipulate others to gain what they want from them by temper tantrums. You know this especially for example used this by pounding her fist on the table and getting worn down on his knees until I promise I promise was the kind of thing that she finally would get from him in the way of a of a word. Are you implying that if Warren had acted differently that Sesame might have been helped by that.
I think so. I think that once specially really had a strong attachment to a war if instead of always giving in. Throwing up his hands and just figuring this was the woman's way and he didn't understand it. If instead of always given in he would have held firmly to his ground. Maybe on small points at first by getting to class on time or the football one of the things of this sort that you could probably do fairly easily. He might have avoided the trouble he's in now and that is really deep trouble. Yes it is. And now you're not saying I hear that anywhere along the line from the first time that we see war and incessantly together until we close this. Observation of them that anywhere along there Warren could have acted as you suggest. Well it became more and more difficult than yes it did when seeking to pitch elated once she found she could manipulate him and gain her desire of possessing him. It becomes very difficult for him to stand his ground and
state firmly that he as a person has certain individual rights certain desires and needs which she should respect just as he respects her and other words we could agree that there is some hope for assessing Lee even at the end providing she has some desire to be helped and providing she has the determination to follow through on it. Yes of course in her case she's getting in deeper and deeper because every day she is a miserable person. She is suspicious. She is constantly wondering if what Warren is doing is against her. No doubt she has just enough sense of Warren's rejection of her and it's natural he would reject her when she behaves this way even though he does love her and certain ways she has enough sense of this strong ambivalence on his part that there are just enough germ of truth in it and one of these days she's going to drive him away which
will substantiate her own fears about him while at the same time throwing their marriage on the rocks. There's one thing that I have noticed in counseling couples on this sort of problem I've noticed something that doesn't help and that is the husband's effort to argue with the wife or to persuade her or prove to her that he has not done what she accuses him of. THIS IS THE WORST THING TO DO IS IT ONLY And yet it's natural. That's why it is the natural thing to do. But it just makes her feel all the more strongly that he's covering up something. I think that a lot of folks Wayne don't realize how self-defeating jealousy can be. Now here's a girl sessile a who apparently very much wants a happy marriage and a loving husband but she's doing exactly the things that would defeat her own purpose and a long run that's certainly true. Yes she as you say she's going to drive him away eventually. And I think that occurs
for a number of reasons one is that as we see with Sesame Jealous people are so very hard to live with the way they express their jealousy is pretty hard to take. And then other people like Warren resent the lack of trust in a person like sesame of course we all would. And I think too that Sesame doesn't realize and many people don't realize this that you cannot force or bind love it's got to be free process Lay goes even a step farther she wants somebody to create all her security for her instead of getting it from the inside. And this is why I think it probably goes back to to our own childhood. The basic insecurity which she has is a neurotic trend in her case where she is constantly seeking reassurance of the affection of others because inside she has an obsessive doubt that they really do love her. In a word or two could you tell us the difference between a neurotic trend and just ordinary behavior in this well all of us get jealous once in a while I'm sure I do I'm sure you do.
But as the situation in which we're jealous which makes a difference and it's the insatiable nature of the jealousy and trim Karen Harned I noted psychoanalyst had a very nice way of characterizing roughly the ways in which one can relate to other people. She speaks of those who move away from people. It is always that. I prefer to be alone. Those who move toward people in other words seeking out the affection of others and those who move against people. Those who are constantly rebelling regressing. Well all of us have all three of these trends within us in different patterns and it's when an individual has developed within him a dominant overpowering need to express his relationship to others in one or another of these three tends to the detriment of the other two that he gets into trouble. Now incest lays case for example what she is doing is
indiscriminately and constantly seeking the reassurance of affection from others. In this case she has focused it on one person. Poor fellow Warren. Yes poor Warren. And when ever there is a blocking of this intense drive she will become extremely anxious upset distraught and will try in a number of ways to control Warren. Now if Warren had understood the problem well enough and really love SEST Lee in the beginning he might have stood his ground. Sessa Lee might have thrown a tantrum but maybe we could have weathered the one storm and then gone on to another and gradually Chesley would have to come to the conclusion that after all warned was of an independent person with his own rights and needs and she should respect him for this just as he respects
her and then they will have reached a much more mature level of adult love rather than just possessing. In other words one could have helped subtly to grow up at her age and she should have grown up seven years before. Mine alone one of a series of explorations into effective living titled the minds of men. A presentation of radio television at the University of Texas taking part in today's broadcast where Dr. Wayne Holtzman an associate director in charge of research for the Hogg foundation for Mental Hygiene and Dr. Henry Bowman marriage counselor and associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas. These programs were prepared for broadcast under the supervision of Robert F. Jenkins. Special Music by Eleanor Paige and of Morrison John McCoy were heard as only Glenn and Warren Holmes. Are No writer moves on Law and speaking. This program is distributed by the National Association of educational broadcasters.
Series
Minds of men
Episode
And mine alone
Producing Organization
University of Texas
KUT (Radio station : Austin, Tex.)
Contributing Organization
University of Maryland (College Park, Maryland)
AAPB ID
cpb-aacip/500-513tz63n
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Description
Episode Description
Jealousy as the evidence of insecurity in a relationship.
Other Description
A series of explorations into effective living, combining dramatizations with commentary.
Broadcast Date
1958-01-01
Topics
Psychology
Subjects
Man-woman relationships--Psychological aspects.
Media type
Sound
Duration
00:29:42
Embed Code
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Credits
Guest: Bowman, Henry
Interviewer: Holtzman, Wayne H.
Producing Organization: University of Texas
Producing Organization: KUT (Radio station : Austin, Tex.)
Writer: Norris, R. C.
AAPB Contributor Holdings
University of Maryland
Identifier: 58-5-8 (National Association of Educational Broadcasters)
Format: 1/4 inch audio tape
Duration: 00:29:20
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Citations
Chicago: “Minds of men; And mine alone,” 1958-01-01, University of Maryland, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC, accessed December 5, 2021, http://americanarchive.org/catalog/cpb-aacip-500-513tz63n.
MLA: “Minds of men; And mine alone.” 1958-01-01. University of Maryland, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC. Web. December 5, 2021. <http://americanarchive.org/catalog/cpb-aacip-500-513tz63n>.
APA: Minds of men; And mine alone. Boston, MA: University of Maryland, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC. Retrieved from http://americanarchive.org/catalog/cpb-aacip-500-513tz63n