New Mexico and the Vietnam War: Ten Portraits

>>Funding for New Mexico by.... and viewers like you. >>I made up my mind to find a way there. >>They told me that they were taking rounds back here. These people are being shot as they're getting on the aircraft. And I'm looking around, I'm hearing all this gunfire and stuff and just waiting, really, to get one (chuckles). >>I stand in front of them, I said, "We lost the country. Just leave every weapon here and go, and Icried. >>I didn't know where I was going, what to do. I didn't know.

>>It was an honor to be there, to be able to hold them and a lot of times I would be the last person they would see alive, and so that's why I wanted to be therefor them and let them know, they weren't dying alone. >>Some people find their God in war. It didn't happen for me. I lost mine. >>50 years, or close to it, it's still like it happened yesterday It doesn't go away. >>I'm just sitting there in the cockpit. I'm thinking, Jesus, I've only got 12 days

left. I couldn'trefuse the mission. but I, that just wasn't me. I was still at Our Lady of Fatima school in elementary school and I saw And I started dreaming about helicopters. In high school at St. Pius, I got my first ride in a helicopter and I was sold, and I said I am gonna go into the army and I'm going to be a helicopter >>Baca: The captain came running out of the bunker and saying we've got a bad situation. Can you do some medevacs? And, you know I had the general's ship. Shiny, brand-new Huey, you know, just beautiful. And I said, "Sure," you know "Heck yeah. where is it?" You know. And the problem was that the battle was still

going on and they were still getting casualties. They were still getting KIAs and the battle was moving. So, we didn't know exactly where to land in this bamboo forest. We could only see the trail. I looked at at the bamboo and stuff and I looked at the blades and I said, "Well if I cankeep that tail rotor in the middle of that trail, you know. If I don't turn the aircraft more than 10 or 15 degrees as I'm getting down into that trail I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna see if those bladeswill hack off that bamboo like a lawn mower." And boy, it did. But it was noisy and it was scary and it looked like, like a power mower on your grass. There was just stuff flying everywhere and I started getting concerned about debris hitting the tail rotor or the engine air inlets getting clogged up with bamboo, because you know

then we'd have compressor stall, engine failure, but I said, "if I can do this once, I can come back and land in the same spot." It didn't work. We went in five more times and each time we had to cut through the bamboo because we were following the battle, the wounded, and stuff like that. You could hear rifles firing. You could hear machine-gun. You could help hear people yelling even though the helicopter was running and you had a helmet on. I mean there was an amazing amount of noise. They told me that they were taking rounds back here, these people are being shot as they're getting on the aircraft. And I'm looking around. I'm hearing all this gunfire and stuff and just waiting, really, They got the wounded, and they got them on board

and then I get back to the camp and we got to go back at least five more times. And, I'm going, "Christ, you know. I could put about maybe 12 to 14 on each time. But each time we went out of there we were over max gross weight limitations and we knew it. The big thing was that last time out of that LZ, I had 22 people on the aircraft, because we couldn't leave five or six there. They'd have been taken out and so we overloaded the aircraft. Fortunately we were getting pretty low on fuel so that weight was going away and it flew. It was noisy. I mean the blades were whistling and when we shut down and looked at those blades, I just could not believe it. But again, I have no clue why I was not shot and why the aircraft was not disabled.

They could have done it. Well they absolutely could have done it, andI just... And, same thing with Jack. We got back and we just, even to this day we just go, "huh?" tell you one thing Jan, without your letters arriving most every day or in bunches, I would certainly have lost my mind long ago. Without your unsurpassed loyalty and infinite love I would be nothing but a mere vegetable. >>Baca: I left Vietnam, and I left Vietnam there, and got back here to Albuquerque and I came through the doors and there was my wife and daughter and that still, to this day,

you think about it everyday but I just didn't have the problems. Yeah, I was patriotic, and I thought it was a good thing we were doing. But, my second year was totally different. I came to the conclusion that we need to get out of here and let these people settle this among themselves. And I don't think we were going to win that war. You know, I really saw no advancement in the cause. I saw too many people dying. I sawtoo much going on in the United States that was disturbing. I never felt betrayed by people back here that were doing the marches and the riots and the stuff. I didn't have any animosity toward them and I still don't. A lot of people came back and said only welcome I got back in Vietnam was being

called a "baby killer" and getting spit on. That never happened to me. Everybody was glad to see me home. >>Reading from letter: Well honey I'll sign off now. I want you to know that I know I could never ever have had a better wife and daughter than I have. I love you Jan more than ever. Your man, Tom. >>Lopez: 50 years, or close to it, it's still like it happened yesterday. It doesn't go away, it doesn't go away. You just see the Sam Pans fishing, the whole family chickens and pigs and everything there with them. And, at night, they'd set up, set up

their M-50s, start firing. Once they fire once, we pretty much blew them out of the water. Sometimes you see feathers in the next morning, andall over, all over the water, and other things. If you're firing at them, then they can very well fire back at you, so you're like a sitting duck really on a pond, you know. You didn't know from which angle they're gonna shoot at you. You don't know if you're gonna survive it. into San Francisco. You get so much money to catch your plane back to Albuquerque, and so I was there getting my ticket and they were yelling at us, calling us baby, "baby killers" and "Mama killers" and, you know, we just kind

of ignored them, but you know, one of them cameup front. I don't know, maybe because I was the shortest, or what, but spit at me. And I was gonna go after him, but I figured it's not worth it. I just wanted to come home. It was just a depressant,in a way, that they would feel that way about somebody who was actually fighting for their freedom.And, I feel, I feel that I did my job. I just couldn't couldn't do it anymore. I'd seen enough. I was glad to be home in a way, but, by the second same token I felt lost. I think what was troubling me was coming back alive. Surviving the war. Knowing how many there was that didn't make it back. So,you kind of feel a guilt, you know. Why

is it, you know, we lost so many, but yet I was able to come home. Of course, I think like anybody else, I think we prayed every day. Every time General Quarters came on,you know, that was, that was an alarm. We could survive this one, maybe not. You're just gonna hold on the best out of it, and without really telling much, either, you know. And of course nightmares. They're, they're pretty intense and sometimes I'd have James Bug, what we saw on the water sometimes. You'd see body parts and stuff like that. It just comes back to you. I don't care how strong of a person you are, how strong of a mind

you have, when you see that stuff it sticks, it sticks to you. And it doesn't go away. >>What do you do? You know, your life is totally up to someone else. You know, you're not in charge anymore. Uncle Sam now is in charge. Sitting one day in a guard shack, just talking screaming came from this man on a moped: "Help me! Help me! Help me!" So he pulls up there and I look and on his back is his daughter hanging on to him. And she had hit a booby trap that was a white phosphorusgrenade and that white phosphorus will burn right through you, a piece of skin. And so, I ran over to pick her up and get her off the bike, hollered at the medivac to get started and the guy the corpsman came over with a stretcher,

so as we lifted her lifted her off to put her on the stretcher, allthe skin came off of her arm and it was in my hands. And all I could see was a bone, or what was left of her arm. Of course, she was in shock. She wasn't... her eyes were this big. She wasn't screaming or crying, because she was in shock. So then, the corpsman helped me lift her and put her in the... and as we did it, the skin on her back came off in our hands. The corpsman dropped down and started puking and I started trying to get her comfortable and then we got her to the helicopter, and let her... It oftendid this, let her father go with her, because he'd get down to Saigon somewhere in the hospital, never find somebody, you know. So, they let the family members go. Never heard if she lived or died, but you know my point was, you know, you forget

about the civilian casualties in war time and they'regruesome, usually, much more so than soldiers wounds, because they're generally not treated. They're generally not expected. They don't have the protective equipment and so here is a perfect example, you know, of a young girl didn't do anything to anybody, but she certainly probably died, or if not she suffered the rest of her life from massive scars and stuff. So, that was very memorable. Something you never forget. Never goes away. (music) >>Once we found the families, the photos, then we had to approach them. And, it was at that time that I realized that there was two Vietnam's, okay, one over here and one over there. The agony of war

and combat ended for the soldier, the day he died, but that torment was passedto the families and we had to live with it for the rest of their life. 398 families, they gave me their full stories. Their very personal stories. At first I was totally unaware what I was going to do. I wasn't ready for it, okay? I just, I didn't expect this. I thought that maybe in 47 years people had made, you know, an adjustment, but when I... The first person I talked to that got emotional on me it was, it was high

emotions, but she waited for me at the front door with a picture of the soldier, but she had tears coming down at her eye. And just for a few seconds I didn't know what to say. But she watched me as I walked all the way to my car and she was still at the screen door, just at the door looking at me. And I just wondered what they went through on that given day. But no matter what, no matter how emotional and those interviews wherever the families they all came back and thanked me for doing this for their son, or their brother. So they were content. There was times in some familiesthat I really thought about it. Should we be doing this? Should we be going into their homes and reminding

them of the 60's, of the 60's on that given day, when a military officer drove up to their home and you know somebody walks out and walks over to their house. And they probably knew what it was already, that their sons had been killed. There was, there's other ones. We gotinto a house and the sister, just, just broke down completely and she wouldn't stop crying. And, you know, those were the tough ones, you know. I sat there and we had more tears than words. (music) >>So what came out of it, is that I think families, these families realized that

somebody was honoring their son. It wasn't lost forever. We gave them the honor they deserved. Because they fought for this country. They died for this country. We realize that there is another part to this, was the returning veteran. Because they felt honored in getting this work done for for the guys that pay the ultimate sacrifice, man. They died in Vietnam. The project was important. It let us talk about it, youknow. You know we were able to talk about our experience. And, of course at the end of all this, you hope it helps us to understand war and hope it doesn't happen again. Hope

we don't have another Vietnam, where we can drive home fifty eight thousand, two hundred and seventy two soldiers in in thatcoffin, hopefully. >>To see a life pass out of these vibrant young, young men... It was an honor to be there to be ableto hold them, and a lot of times I would be the last person they would see alive and so that's why I wanted to be there for them and let them know that I was there with them and they weren't

dying alone. And we just kept on chucking and kept on working There's plenty more and they didn't stop coming. This one night there was a huge push of mass casualties comingin and I went to the emergency room to help them and I said, "What do you need?" And they said, "Go in the back and get some more supplies." Bandages and what have you and so I went back there. I've never forgottenthis young man on the gurney. He looked like he was sleeping. And I went over to him and he had obviously just died because he was still warm

and he had been pushed in the back, because they knew they couldn't save him. when I... I didn't know what to do, other than to pick him up, hold him, you know, for his mother, or his family back home. And his whole back side was just it was just mush. And, it was so... to see him lying there so peacefully, those were some of the incredible things that happened that there's no way anything could prepare you for them. I'd been through all the mass casualty courses, but there's nothing that could prepare

you for that. And why that particular young man at that time, I do not know, but his face cameback to me and still does periodically. Somehow we got a hold of a television. You would see the protesters and all the people burning flagsand their draft cards and blaming the soldiers. They were totally misinformed. Instead of blaming the politicians they blamed all of us who were over there, to include the women. You were all lumped in in one pot as baby-killers and not doing right by the Vietnamese. It was very hard to reconcile that. I finally just had to turn the television off and concentrate on taking care of the soldiers. One day

on the ward I was sitting behind the desk, making out the schedule. And the desks were very high, mainly to prevent shrapnel in case you did get a good direct hit and I saw the screen door open. So, I waited thinking somebody would come up to the desk. And I waited. No one came, so finally my curiosity got the best of me. I got up and looked around and here is this little weensy baby. She's about no bigger than a grasshopper, but she had a candy bar in one hand and ice cream in another. (music) >>The chief nurse had named her Mona and I had just gotten back from burying my mom and this little waif comes in and I think,

"kid, you need me and I sure need you." I adored my mom and when she died so suddenly I was very, I didn't care whether I lived or died when I got back over there. So Mona, in a way, saved my life. I did bring her along with me, but it was not easy. It took a lot of coordination. At least I was ableto save one child's life. >>Some people find their God in war. That didn't happen for me. I lost mine. How could you see such carnage, such

awful things and think there was a reason for that? And I was scared to come back. I was afraid. I was really tired. I was really depleted. And, you know, the thought just kept going through my head I'll never fit in again. And I really didn't. I tried but, I didn't. been in 'Nam. I thought they would know that my patients died, and they wouldn't like me for that. I was really isolated. I guess that's what I felt, isolated. I had... I don't tell many people this... I had thought

of suicide a lot and I had a nurse on the word I was working at and she killed herself, and I thought, "Oh my God. She actually went through with it." And I could too. And I wasn't quite ready to do that. So, I was living in Denver. I bought a backpack and a tent and I went backpacking by myself up to a place called Lake Dorothy. I spent three days and two nights up there and it was complete solitude that's when I decided not to be a nurse and to become a dentist. But the thing that happened is nature came into my life. There was just something healing about it. It was, it could hold the grief I had. It

could hold the faces. I had a patient who came in and said that Glenna Goodacre was gonna be doing the statue, and that I should call her and see if I could watch as she did it. And, I thought, "Oh sure. Right." But I gave her a call and she said, "Sure. Come on Fridays. I'mhere." And I went every Friday for months. When I walked in and saw it the first time I just turnedaround and walked out. I couldn't even talk and she said she thought I hated it. But then I came back, and I kept coming back like a bad penny. And she was working on just some finishing touches, andshe said, "You know Dottie I think these sandbags need some work." So I worked on them for a coupleof hours. I didn't know what I was doing. Aand then I realized later that she had just done that sothat I would have contact with the clay. And I asked her how long it took

her to get them back in shape, and she said just an hour or two (laughs). It wasn't too bad. (music) >>Being at the dedication was really, it was really healing. It's the only word I can have for it. And it was filled with women who had served in Vietnam and I think that helped with that feeling of aloneness, that there were that many of us there. And the ladies, who I feel like are my ladies, I feel real intimate with them, they were so adorned. It was

really neat. It was so nice. They had roses, and it was pretty special. I can't describe it. It was pretty... it was good. That was probably really hugely instrumental in my healing, because that's what made me really talk about 'Nam and then walking down the street with all those people saying thank you. It was hard for me, because the patients that I remember are the ones that died. And so people were always saying thank you, thank you and I'd think thank her. Don't thank me. My patients died. But, it took me a long time and then I realized that they didn't all die. You know some of them lived. And then

this year the weirdest thing, I got a call from a guy who had somehow tracked me down. He was one of my patients on the first ward. He lived. He's had a great life. It was pretty surprising. >>I'm very patriotic I am patriotic to the United States flag. I'm patriotic... I've never gotten emotional like this, but patriotic because we have not only Native American people, but with my tribe as Navajo people we had people who served in the military. I joined the Red Cross to go

to Vietnam. My brother went. My nephew went, their friends. So, I made up my mind to find a way there and just be among my people, be among the soldiers, just to continue a tradition. They sent me the travel orders, so I have all my shots. I have my hair cut. I gave away my good clothes. I had given up my, my Camaro, a beautiful blue Camaro. There are no buses out, so I hitchhiked to Vietnam (laughs). The first thing that hit me, of course, finally made it, you know, from Torreon to Chile. By that

time I'm with a group. We did our researchand prepared our programs. Program is what we took out for the guys. When I say a program, like an outline of different states in the United States. We hold it up and ask, "OK, what state is this?" And the capital. And as simple as that took to feel like they were connecting with something from home, so they were joyful and they just laughed at our little games and they thought it was silly. As soon as our games are over with, we continued talking informally about their hometown. "Where are you from, geez?" You know, I wanted themto feel like that they were real persons. They were valuable

individuals, and that they had a place. I would look for a Navajo GI or even a Native American GI, and they were not out in front, but I could see one way in the back. I would make it a point to go back over there. So, I met this, he looked like a Native American so I, and I said, "Are you, are you, are you Indian?" "Yes." "From where?""From Isleta." "Oh my gosh, it's New Mexico and on and on. He took out pictures of his family and he was so happy that he was able to share those photos, those pictures. And we traveled in Huey's all the time. We traveled in jeeps and trucks and ferry boats. And the Sam pads. One early morning we were going down the road in the jeep and the driver

kept stopping and getting out, and I finally asked why are we stopping all the time and they said, "We're sweeping the road. We're the first ones out." "Oh, what does that mean?" They were looking formines. So, "Geez, the Red Cross didn't tell me about this part (laughs). In visiting the hospitals,I was careful not to look at the wounds. I did not want the wounded to feel self-conscious. There were so many of them. Just rows after rows and I thought, "Geez, how can I meet all of them one by one by one. But, if I'm able to meet one or two, good. So, in Vietnam we were Delta Delta's, donut dollies and I never saw a donut and would love to have a donut, but the only, the first donut I saw that related to Vietnam was when

the city of Chicago had its homecoming parade for Vietnam veterans, and we were just just so welcomed and somebody gave me a donut then. The best thing about having gone to Vietnam is it, is somany things. So, so many things, especially in working with other Red Cross ladies. That was very, very good. We loved each other and we loved our work and I understand there were six hundred and twenty seven of us for the duration of Vietnam. And I was one of them. I was one of them. Not only one of the 627, but a Native

American woman, full-blood, and because of that, the Navajo woman military veterans embraced me as a civilian Vietnam veteran. The Navajo women veterans embraced me. And they told me I was one of them. So, I have absolutely no regrets at all. I am so, so glad I did this. >>We keep fighting. The president gave up at 10:00 in the morning, but we still fight until five o'clock.

You didn't know. At my unit, just only have about 200 left, and I stand in front of them I said, "Now, we lost the country. Just leave every weapon here and go home. You gotta go home." And I cried. They issued a notice, every South Vietnam officer had to report to them and go into the concentration camp, but they said reeducation camp. And they told them, just only bring ten days of food. No more. But not ten day. I spent almost eight

year, and a lot of people spend more than that. Thirteen years, eighteen years. They want to kill us, but they cannot kill a couple hundred thousand people, so that's why they put us in the concentration camp. Concentration camp and they want to kill us by tightening our stomachs. Every meal, we just only have two piece of cassava, that long, five inches. Two pieces. And one very small spoon. Spoon, that's all. In June, 1978 my weight just only 70

pounds. I cannot walk. I just only crawl. So, I took the paper right here, and I wrote some: "Mom, help my wife come to see me. I am dying. And my mom and my wife walked to come to see me. And somebody, you know, helped me, you know, take me to see them. You know how long they left me to see my mom and my wife? Five minutes. I don't have enough power to say anything. I just only hugged my mom and hugged my wife

and got some stuff and go. In 1977 to 1979 inthe wintertime, eight day, one person die. Eight day. From 1980, they loosen it a little bit. They let our family can come visit us, one a year. And every three month, they let our family send a packet about the economy, the Quran, with some, with some food. When you certainly see high mountain, mountain, mountain, mountain around and jungle and you don't have food. And I can say the company,

they organized the local people around. If they see someone else, someone trained you the ??? right away. And if someone escaped then they cut them, they saw right away. They said if you be a very good person, they, so, you will be released as soon as possible. Yeah they say it like that. And after year by year by year, someone says how to be a good people. I learned everything you know, I learned everything now we can do... And they said,

"You know, no. We have to keep you. You know why? Because thepeople out there, they hate you guys because you are very criminal. So if you guys, if we let you out, they will kill you guys right away. So, we have to keep you to protect you. They say it like that. Even now, I don't know how they released us. When I got in in the plane, my wife worried about, you know, the new life in the United States. I told my wife, "Don't worry. I spent seven years in themilitary. I'm not dying. I spent over eight year in the concentration camp. I still alive. So, I still have my hands, so we can make the living in the United

States. Don't worry, I told (undecipherable), Vietnam (singing). >>I help my mom selling >>I help my mom selling

a vegetable in the market. (Music) >>I didn't know where I'm

going. What to do. I didn't know. >>My husband, in 1991, he brought his family, eight

people, lived with me for two years. Right now in 2016, he brought 22 people. (Singing) >>It's wonderful for me.

a feeling my life be better. I love it United State, because the people very kind and they open the heart >>Naranjo: After I got hurt,

when I was conscious enough, long enough, I was just grateful I was alive. And one day this volunteer came along and asked what would you like, and I asked for some water-based clay. And I made an inchworm. A few minutes after I made that inchworm I knew I was gonna be asculptor. The possibility of getting shot was always there. I felt in some way immortal. I was... yeah, at times I was a little scared, sure, of course. It's a natural feeling But it's what you do with it. Some of the lessons I learned was

you always had to constantly look around you. I hate to sayit, but it was kind of like hunting, because essentially that's what we were doing. We were huntingmen instead of animals, which is insane when you stop and think about it. All these shots, automatic weapons fire came out. It was just a flurry of gunfire and there's a strange kind of silence that comes over after a massive amount of gunfire suddenly stops. I got into this little mud depression and just as I let go of my rifle, I felt this ball roll into my hand slowly. Not hard. And I instantly knew what it was and I started to turn towards it to push it away and I never saw it. And there's this explosion.

And I said to myself, I'm going to die because there's no way I could survive a handgrenade exploding within hands reach. And so, I waited to die and I said, "Dear God, don't make it too hard on my parents." And then eventually four guys on a poncho took me back where we got droppedoff, and the gunships had to come around twice in front of the medevac because they were shooting at them now, as well. When I was in the chopper laying on that stretcher everything was so heavy and dark, just dense, the blackest of nights. But, a heavy feeling that goes with it. It's all a suffocating darkness. I thought what am I going to do with my life now? I knew I had a loving family at home. I wanted to be a sculptor, but I wondered would I ever be

a sculptor, with a very severely damaged right hand and no eyes. How often do dreams, impossible dreams come true? And so, this is one impossible dream that came true. Like, I could feel his hair. And I could feel his face and his lips andhad big full lips. (Music) >>And his pupils were hearts. I was shocked. They were hearts and then there were tear ducts in the corners

of the eyes. No one would ever see them and you know but there they were. And the adrenalinerunning through him, you could feel the tension, that something's ready to happen. And he was, he was there ready to take on that moment. Looking at him after all those hours, sure I felt like I could do it. I knew with time I could get it done. As I sit here thinking about where I am now, I have an incredible, wonderful life. I have an incredible, wife, two daughters and life couldn't be better. The main thing is

nourishing something and loving it and if you love something strong enough, the only thing that can come out of it is good. And I think that's what happened here. We made it into these stories. See letters, photos, and other supporting material at New Mexico PBS dot org, slash New-Mexico-Vietnam. (music) >>Funding for New Mexico

and the Vietnam War provided