Rock School; Funny Songs

Oh! School's out for Emma! Oh! I've got a fan, so paid, I'm out for teacher! It's time for school. Rock School! With your host, Dr. Joe Birds. We would open up garages, and just play, hoping girls would come by. And Chad B. The only problem was, is that we had a stone hinge that was in peril of being trumped by a dwarf. Plus, is it? Rock School! Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Joe Burns, and I

am a professor. And the Communication Department, Southeast and Louisiana University. Sitting next to me is my comedic foil. Your name is? Chad B. Chad, I have a quick question for you, if you'd answer it before I go. Let's see if we can get around to the center here. What's the similarity between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a lead guitarist? I don't know, Dr. Burns. What is a similarity between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a lead guitarist? If you plug them both in, they both suck. Oh, that's not bad. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Hey, Dr. Burns, I got a question for you. Well, yes, Chad. What's the question you have for me? What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? I don't know, Chad. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? Hey, guys, why don't we try one of my songs? Say, Chad, let me ask you a quick question here. Well, how many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know, Dr. Burns. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? Oh, 20. One to do at 19 to stand around and discuss how much better Randy Rhodes could have actually done it. Ladies and gentlemen, today is our comedy show. Now, we have chosen, oh, I don't know, 12, 14 songs that are funny. And here's the thing.

They had to be funny on purpose. So you're not going to hear the final countdown by Europe. You're not going to hear Domo Origato, Mr. Rabato. These songs had to be funny. No, you don't. Nobody does. They had to be funny because the people wanted them to be funny. So for an hour today, let's just sit back and put the brain on comedy and see if we can't enjoy it. I have a laugh or two. Dr. Hook. Uh -huh. How do you get on the cover of the Rolling Stone? Well, either you become a phenomenally popular rock group that changes the face of music and you have a monster song that everybody wants to emulate or you write a piece of music. And they made it. Dr. Hook wrote a song called The Cover of the Rolling Stone. They make it. You bet they did. Rolling Stone, number 131, March 29, 1973. However, it wasn't their picture. Rolling Stone did play a little bit. It was a drawing. So Dr. Hook made

it. Hey, don't touch me. It's The Cover of the Rolling Stone. It's Dr. Hook as we do nothing but funny songs right here on Rock School. Don't touch me. Hey, Ray. Hey, show me. Tell him who we are. Well, we beat rock singers. We got golden fingers. And we're the level where we go. That sounds like us. We sing about beauty and we sing about truth. At $10 ,000 a show. Right. We take all kinds of pills to give us all kinds of thrills. But the thrill we never know. It's the thrill that I get you when you get your picture on The Cover of the Rolling Stone. The show that I'm from and I can see it now. Smile. Beautiful. Oh, beautiful. Dr. Hook right here on Rock School. What's that? What? Yeah, you said, hey, I thought you were going somewhere. I thought you had a joke. You don't have a joke for me? That wasn't me talking. I got a joke for you. Okay, what is it? What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig? What does a

guitarist say when he gets to his gig? Would you like fries with that? What? What's the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond? What? Sooner or later a savings bond makes money. Okay, there you go. You got one for me? Yeah. How can you tell the drummers at the door? I'll get a punchline here. I don't know. It's the knock is in beat. The knocking speeds up. You guys aren't laughing before I say the answer. I don't know. I kind of like that one. I love it. Hey, do you know who the first person was on the cover of the Rolling Stone? The very first Rolling Stone? No. John Lennon. John Lennon. How long has Rolling Stone been out? Oh, geez. When was the first one? 60? Well, 67 if I'm not mistaken. I don't know that I've thought my head, but I'm almost positive with 67. You made the cover. You've done something. Oh, you do. Yeah, you have done something. Hey, we're going to go over to Post Seattle. I love these guys. I love these guys to death. I like everything these guys have written. What's that? The Presidents of the United States of America.

Oh, yeah. Chris Blue, Dave Deerterer. They play a bass guitar and a get to bass. Have you ever heard of these two instruments? Never. If you get a hold of a video, go to YouTube and watch it. They take the guitar and they take off two of the strings. So the guitar only has four strings on it. So it's a get to bass. Get to bass. Get it. Yeah. They take the bass guitar and they knock off one of the strings. So it's a bass guitar. Okay. A get to bass or a bass guitar. So they're really weird looking instruments. So six string guitars modified to use four or two strings. Love them to death. Love them to death. They have a song that never got any air play on the radio. But it's wonderful. This song is called We're Not Gonna Make It. And every band, none of my bands were gonna make it. And I knew that. I mean, we had a heck of a time getting anyone to listen to us. We would open up garages. Yeah. And just play. Hoping girls would come by. Sometimes they would. Sometimes they

wouldn't. But we should have written this song because we knew it was never going to happen. And on the comedy show, funny on purpose. We're not gonna make it. It's the president of the United States of America on rock school. Do it again. Do it again. Whoa! Whoa! We're not gonna make it. No, no. We're not gonna make it. It's a million better bands with a million. This is a million better bands with a million better songs. You know. The drummers who sing drum. Singers who can sing. That's right. I was never in. Absolutely never in. See? I'm enjoying this too much. I hit the wrong button. Got any more jokes for me. Yeah, I do. And if you're just tuning

in, this is the comedy show. But if you're listening to us for the first time ever. Yeah. Doc is a guitar player and I'm a drummer. Sure. So we're poking fun at, you know, our own professions of music here. But that's okay. But we have other jokes for other instruments. Like a tuba player walks into a bar. It could happen. I could. Honest to goodness. Not yet. It hasn't happened yet. But it might happen. Great job. Yes. How can you tell when the drummerizer is level? Or the stage. The stage is level. I can tell when the stage is level. I don't know. Because the drummer has drew coming out of both sides of his mouth. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted. That's right. They get it. That's right. Okay. What do you call a drummer sitting in a Volkswagen? I don't know. Far from thinking. Far from thinking. Very nice. Okay. You got anything? You got one more? Give me one more. Give me one more. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know. No. They have a machine that does that now. Very nice. Very nice. I put this show

together. This comedy show off of this song. Okay. The song that we're about to play. It's one of these things when I'm listening to the music in my car or I got my iPod on shuffle. Yeah. Every so often I'll hear a piece of music and I'll go, that's a great song. I should find a show so I can play that song. Have you ever heard of the dead milkmen? Nope. Oh, they're wonderful. They're out of Philadelphia. This is from their album, Beale's a Bubba. Oh. Which has a guy, yeah. Has a guy on the front who's got little horns on him and he's standing next to a tractor out in the middle of a field. It's their fourth full -length studio album. They're a punk band. It's called punk rock girl. And my favorite part of the whole thing is when they go into the California pizza kitchen and attempt to order a hot tea. And the waitress says, but no, we only have it iced. So they jump up on the tables and scream anarchy. Oh, cool. Okay. It's funny songs all hour long. It's rock school. Here's the dead

milkman punk rock girl. Rock school. When Saturday, I took the walk to zipper head. I met a girl there and she almost knocked me dead. Oh, rock girl. Say, how much you pay for this car? And I said, nothing, man. It's stolen. Just you and me, punk rock girl. It's got a great video to it as well. The four people that make up the band, honest to goodness, they're 200 pounds combined, soaking wets. It's absolutely nothing to them. It's a funny show right here on rock school. I mean, not the songs. Fun songs. But the thing about it is they have to be funny on purpose. We're not going to run anything that's funny. We're not going to play achy breaky heart today. I got into an argument today with somebody. Let me ask you the same question. There's nothing to do with the show. I'm going to ask you

the question. All right. And I think people were lying to me this morning. If you knew that the song achy breaky heart was going to be as big a hit as it was, and you knew you were going to make all that money. But you were going to be saddled the rest of your life as the man who sang achy breaky heart. Would you have sang achy breaky heart? You know what? Ask me. How important a success. Would you have done it? Yes. You bet. You know what? I'd have sang every single Barry Manolo tune two. And I'd have worn the stupid big sleeves and I'd held the maracas and sang Copacabana. Because you could easily sit there and say, yeah, I said it. And now I'm going to get into my vet and drive off into the sunsets. Into my giant eye, I own the sun. That's right. Everybody I spoke to this morning, I would never have done that. Oh, yeah, you would have liar. Yeah, you liar. We're going to talk about one of my favorite guys. If you are a fan of Frank Zappa, you know that this guy has everything from true heavy metal to true rock, to true jazz, to true

classical, and then every so often he'll do a song that is pure social commentary. Right around 1983, 1984, videos began to hit. And if you remember, videos all started to look the same. Yeah, they did. They had the same lamp dissolved. Yep. The same dancing, the same girls, the same everything. It was basically like the band doing the song and then cut to a couple of shots of this back to the band doing the song. That's right. What Frank Zappa did was write a 1950s do -op song called Be In My Video, where he makes fun of absolutely everything that videos were doing at that time, where he basically, I don't know, lampoons the whole concept of video and it took an entirely new group of people to take video in a new direction, but it created this wonderful and funny song. Cheers. Here's Frank Zappa. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. Frank Zappa. Be In My Video on Rock School.

Frank Zappa. Be In My Video. On the funny show, nothing but funny songs. Hey Chad. Hey. Did you hear the joke about the bassist who was so out of tune, somebody actually noticed? How do you make a bass guitar sound in tune? What's that? Chop it up, make it a xylophone. Oh. How many bass guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? That'd be, how many? One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Oh, come on, man. And four, we got to take a pause for the cause. We back in one minute here on Rock

School. Programming on KSLU is under written in part by Home Theater, et cetera. With football season and full swing, Home Theater, et cetera offers a variety of big and flat screen televisions for you to enjoy watching your favorite team on. Brands such as Elite by Pioneer, Katachi, Sharp, Toshiba, JVC, Mitsubishi, and many others. They also come in different sizes, such as 50 -inch, 62, and even 72 -inch screens. Home Theater, et cetera, is located on the corner of Morris and Mooney across from Florida Parish's bank. The telephone number is Area Code 985 -340 -7777. Rock School, right here. And we are having fun this hour. We're doing nothing but funny songs, but songs that were funny on purpose. Yes. We will not play the final countdown by Europe. We will not play anything by Barry Manolo here. Do you have a favorite line from the Rockumentary, some say Machumentary, Spinal Tap? Oh, man. Which one should I choose? Every musician has to have one. What's your favorite

favorite line from the movie Spinal Tap? Because I have one. I have numerous. What's your favorite? It's a toss up between the guitar player talking about the amps that go to 11. Sure. And I think my favorite one is the only problem was is that we had a stone hint that was in peril of being trumped by a dwarf. My favorite line is at the end when David St. Hubbins and Derek Smalls have decided that they're going back to London and they're actually going to work on their musical based on the life of Jack the Ripper and the name of the musical is Saucy Jack. So I love that one. If you've never seen that movie, go get it. It's wonderful. Especially get the DVD, the 25th I think it is, anniversary DVD, and look at the outtakes. Even if you've seen the film, if you haven't gotten the DVD, there's at least 25 minutes of outtakes that are absolutely hilarious. I'm not sure there is good as what actually made it into the movie, but they're absolutely wonderful. So are we playing stone hint? We are.

It was your favorite line, so we're going to play Stonehenge. Yes, quick history on that. Sure. What they were doing was in the movie, they were trying to construct this new set for their stage and they were describing what they called Stonehenge, what it would look like. And the guy was writing down the measurements and he wrote seven by five and he wrote the symbol for inches rather than instead of feet. So it was supposed to be a big, huge stone. And when they lowered it, it was the size of a calculator. Sure. Thus the line, the only problem was that we had a Stonehenge that was in trample of being trampled by it all. Parameter by a draw. So ladies and gentlemen, make the secret devil sign. Yes. All hail Stonehenge, its spinal tap on rock school. In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history lived

a strange life. I am not going into a freeform jazz piece in front of a festival crowd. The little people of Stonehenge. Spinal tap. Right here on rock school. You remember when the bass player got caught in the pod? Oh, and they brought on a blowtorch to attempt to get it. He gets out just in time for the end of the song to go back into the pod. You got to get them a lot of it. I'm telling you. You really do. And I saw Alice Cooper interviewed about it one time and he said, I really hate to admit it, but you have to watch a rock star watch the film because when the rock star isn't laughing its spinal tap, that means that whatever he's seeing has happened to him. So it's not very funny. We're at half past ladies and gentlemen. As a matter of fact, we're at half past on the button right now. Tell me. I want to write us an email here at rock school. Where do I go? You go to KSLU Rock

School at gmail .com. KSLU Rock School at gmail .com. Because we produce the show right here in the studios of KSLU, South Eastern Louisiana University. Yes. So that's what we use for our email address. And we would love to hear from you if you have a show idea. If you don't like some. If you do like something. If you want to tell me I'm wrong. If you want to tell Chad, he's right. By all means, write us an email. If you just want to drop us a line and tell us how gosh darn handsome we are. We would absolutely love to hear about it. Now, it's time for the stump. And I just like to point out that I am five in a row. Yes, you are. I have not missed. Every time I say something like that, I start to do poorly. We're going to do the offspring. Pretty fly for a white guy. So here we go. You should be on the verge of getting this one because it deals with your passion. Okay. It's a guitar question. Okay. What is the name of the offspring's guitarist? I have no idea. You don't know. No, I can't actually know him for like a pseudonym. I don't want you to give me his name. Give me what he's known for. No, I'll be honest with you. I don't know. The only two things I know about the offspring is I know they're hits. And

I know that the lead singer was valedictorian of his class. But I understand the lead singer always has these braids in his hair and his name is Dexter. Yeah. But I can't tell you anything. Even if you tell me his name, I won't be able to tell you. I mean, you could make something up. His name is Donald Duck. And I would kind of smile and go, oh, yeah. His name is actually Kevin Wasserman, but he's known as noodles. No, no, I didn't know. That makes sense because when you pick up a guitar and just play around, noodle. It's called noodling. That's his name. Noodles. I hate to see that's what I got to do. I jinx myself when I say that I had yet to bring his. As soon as you brag, you run into drugs on you. Press. This is a song about making fun of somebody who takes on a popular culture just because it's the popular thing of the day. I love this song. Here's the offspring. Pretty fly for a white guy on the comedy show. It's rock school. Born to be even laughing at lovin. Give it to me baby. Oh, oh, oh. Give it to me baby. Oh, oh,

oh. Give it to me baby. Oh, oh, oh. And all the girls say I'm pretty fly for a white guy. Hey, hey, do that brand new thing. think think think think think that brilliant that's brilliant hey hey do that brand new thing now wait whoever wins the Super Bowl I don't care what team it is the next day or within the next week just start looking around all these people are going to adopt whoever the team is I don't care if it's Seattle I don't care if it's as far away from Louisiana as you can get you right these people are going to adopt it and that's what they're talking about this concept of no matter what is hip no matter what is the thing these people will adopt they can have their love it there's a line in there I want to see let me let me quiz you all right try to make up for the stump yeah seeing as I got thumbed in the stump

the very last line he says he's getting a tattoo he's getting ink done he asked for a 13 yeah they drew a 31 why was he getting a 13 that's a drug reference 13 M for marijuana is the 13th letter of the alpha bed it's a reference yeah 31 which didn't even yeah pretty yeah there's no 31st pretty fly for an old guy huh not bad yeah I'm old enough what do they call the day long concert that they put on once a year at K .I .S. radio in Los Angeles and K .D .E .T. radio Los Angeles in Detroit what is the Wango Zitango I'm not your doctor, my baby, she's not your role, my baby, she can dance on my knees,

my baby, I'm gonna roll. It goes on and on and on and on and on and on. Now it just dies like that. When you get the single, it just dies like that. That's Uncle Teddy, right? Yeah, that's a Sweaty Teddy. Get great gonzos in Sweaty Teddy. That's how the single dies. I mean, when I got the thing and I brought the CD in today and I'm listening to it before the show, it just dies like that. I'm thinking, that's really odd because if you get the entire album cut, it goes on for like seven minutes. And he just, he goes on about this whole thing about, he's a Maserati and there's an open garage up ahead in the Hoge Mill. So you pretty much got the general gist of it. Hey Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc. Tell me you have jokes for me. What do you call it? What do you call it? The drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend. Homeless. That's right. How do you know a drummer is knocking at your door? How? He doesn't know when to come in.

Hey, I'm sorry, I looked at your drummer jokes list. I decided to get that one out there. Oh, pushing that out of the way. Scared of me, are ya? It's all comedy songs today on on rock school. Most people can come up with the concept of spinal tap. Yeah. Being the mockumentary, but in reality, it wasn't the first. The first real rockumentary was something by the Ruttles. The Ruttles. The Ruttles. R -U -T -L -E -S. That's the Monty Python. Yeah, you're right. It's the Monty Python thing. They made fun of the Beatles. The name of it was called All You Need is Cash. And they were making fun of the Beatles. Ron Nasty was supposed to be John Lennon. And Dirk Mickquickly was supposed to be Paul McCartney. Stig O 'Hara was George Harrison. And Barry Wombel was supposed to be Ringo Star. And if you get a hold of the soundtrack to the Ruttles, what's really fun about it, you listen to all of these songs that the Ruttles had created. And again, it's some of the members of Monty Python and

some other people that came in. If you listen to each one of the songs, you can very, very quickly pick out which one of the Beatles songs they're making fun of. I picked one that's real easy to find. You're familiar with the song Help by the Beatles? Yep. This is the Ruttles version. Just for fun. Two minutes of fun. This is called Ouch. It's the Ruttles Unrock School. Ouch. You're breaking my heart. Ouch. I'm falling apart. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. When we first met Thomas, I felt for you right from the start. Now when we meet all kinds of things, it seems like Zephy Apple's card. All kinds of things, it seems like Zephy Apple's card. Ouch. Don't let me out. Ouch. Ouch. There you go. There's the Ruttles. And what's wonderful about that is a lot like

Spinal Tap. The music isn't awful. No, they did a good job. They did a really wonderful job. I guarantee you a lot of that is not done by the Monty Python guys. They brought in professional musicians. But even with Spinal Tap, when you look at it, there's a website I go to that basically writes out the music to a lot of rock songs. So we guitarists can very quickly figure out what the chords are. And so it helps us along. And almost the entire album of Spinal Tap, the soundtrack has been listed out. I mean, they're complicated pieces of music. And these guys really went all out to create decent music, even for a comedy bit. Yeah. The songs really stand on their own. And that song, Ouch, really good. Have you ever heard of the concept of a 10 -inch record? Do you know what that is? Uh, vinyl, right? Right. When records were first put out, they spun at 78 rotations per minute. Yeah. And they were called 10 -inch records. Okay. Because they were in diameter. Ten inches. Ten inches. And I have

some original 10 -inch blues records. Okay. Well, a lot of rock stars were really moved by the early blues musicians. I'm a huge fan of this guitarist named Robert Johnson. And I have an original 1937. I think it is pressing of his song. I think I'll dust my broom. I bought it for well over $1 ,800. Nice. Did lots of research into it. AeroSmith is a huge fan of these blues musicians. And on their album from 1975, Toys in the Addict, they put together a song called Big 10 -inch record. Would you happen to have that cute up and ready to go, Chad? That'd be a yes. Go ahead and hit that button. Here it comes. Got these screens won't move. I need my list of chicks no seems. But I'll really get her going. And if you've got my Big 10 -inch record, band plays of blues.

Well, band plays of blues. She just love my Big 10 -inch record of a favorite blues. Now my name. I, uh, it's rock school in his jail. I got a question here. Yes, uh, yes. A funnier student of mine. Funnier songs, right? Yeah. Why is the Big 10 -inch record on the funny songs? I don't know, these things just happen and, you know, who knows why things happen in this world? I think we should think about that. Take a quick break? Yeah. Yeah, probably. We'll be right back. Programming on KSLU is under written in part by Home Theater, etc. With football season in full swing, Home Theater, etc. offers a variety of big and flat -screen televisions for you to enjoy watching your favorite team on. Brands such as Elite by Pioneer, Katachi, Sharp, Toshiba,

JVC, Mitsubishi, and many others. They also come in different sizes, such as 50 -inch, 62, and even 72 -inch screens. Home Theater, etc. is located on the corner of Morrison, Muni across from Florida Parish is banked. The telephone number is Area Code 985 -340 -7777. Rock School, as we take an hour and play nothing but funny songs, well, we think they're funny songs. We're not quite sure about that last day. We gathered our bearings. Yeah, we were. We've re -righted the ship, everything is pointed in the right direction. Let's go to a man who's from Cleveland, Ohio, and of course, all people from Cleveland, Ohio, good people. I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. This is back from 1978, Rolling Stone called this quote, riotous quote, maybe the most important statement on rock stardom anyone has ever made. This was off his last album before joining the Eagles. The album was called but seriously, folks. If you remember the front of it, he's at the bottom of a pool sitting next to a

table with one of those red and white checked table clogs on it. Yeah, and all the cups and saucers are floating up. This is Joe Wall, talking about the fact that life's been good to him so far, on rock school. Oh, I love my life here. Oh, I don't drive. Oh, I

don't drive. It's the comedy show. That is... God, that is a... We're about wrapped up. Popular song. It is. It's still getting played today. Right after that, he left. He split. He took off and he went and joined the Eagles. Oh, kidding. The Eagles just put out a brand new album for the first time in 20 years, not too long ago. I bought it. It's not bad. Oh, I like it. It is not bad. Not bad at all. Let me tell you some of the songs we didn't play, Short People by Randy Newman, which is actually pretty gosh darn good. Well, it's didn't we play Big Balls by ACDC, My Dingling by Chuck Berry, Sick of You by Gwarr. You know what Gwarr means? You even heard Gwarr? I saw it. I saw it. I saw it on a tape show one time. It's hilarious. You know what Gwarr stands for? God, what an awful racket. That's what Gwarr actually stands for. What are you... What did the guitar say to the guitarist? What? Pick on someone your own size. What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? What? You can tune a guitar, but you can't tune a fish. Oh, God. What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

What's that? Took it to dinner in a movie. Okay. He sure did. He sure did. He sure did. When we first put together the show, when I first put together the show, my wife looked at me and she said, are you going to play any Weird Al Yankovic? No. I'm never a big fan of Weird Al Yankovic because he really runs hot and cold for me. To me, that's almost okay, you know, and taking nothing away from Mrs. Burns, but that's almost what you would expect. We're going to do a comedy show. Oh, you're going to play Weird Al. Well, I don't know. I don't know. But what he does is he'll do copies of about 10 or 11 songs and then he'll do something that is his own, but he'll call it a genre parody where he'll do like a 1950s parody or he'll do something like, he'll do a heavy metal parody, but it won't be a specific song. This one, I'm going to play. We're going to finish with this because my wife listens to these shows and I have to live with her. So a Weird Al Yankovic song is going to take us out. Now, this one, he's actually doing a parody of Devo and when you watch

it, well, not quite whip it, but when you watch the behind the music with Weird Al Yankovic, they're doing an interview with one of the people of Devo and the guy says, and I think he's joking, but I'm not quite sure. He says, I was listening to this song, Dare to Be Stupid, and he gets a sound out of that moog synthesizer that my bandmates and I have been trying to get for years. I'm too embarrassed to ask Weird Al Yankovic how he got that sound. I just know that I hate him for it. Oh, wow. That ends the show. We are done. That's the end of the funny show. We should put together a show of songs that are funny, but weren't meant to be funny. Hey, there you go. That's a winner. My name is Joe Burns, who are you? Chad P. The funny songs are done. This is Rock School. Class is dismissed. Tadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad