In Black America; Bishop David G. Evans (Author and Minister)

From the University of Texas at Austin, KUT Radio, this is In Black America. The other problem was women had been to become victims and come shut in the role, but they also, you know, they love men. And next to God, a man is a primary concern for women and women have a hard time understanding them because they either try to convert them into the girlfriends which does not work or they become frustrated because they haven't quite figured out how do I operate with this man. So I wrote a guidebook for men to become as successful as they want to become and a translation of a man's mind, actions, emotions for every woman that we do. Bishop David G. Evans passed the Bethany Baptist Church in Illinois, New Jersey, an author of Dare to Be a Man, published by Putnam Books.

Dedicated to transferring one life at a time by ministering to the loss, edifying God's people through biblical teaching and anointed preaching, and through down to her practical community work, the Bethany Church is a model for contemporary evangelism. Evans is deserving of a claim for implementing and orchestrating a modern day response to contemporary Christian living with believers facing spiritual, social, psychological and economic adversity on every side. In Dare to Be a Man, the truth every man must know and every woman needs to know about him, he addresses what it means to be a real man and its effect on society. Evans points out that the definitions of masculinity have changed. It's the real man, the strongest guy around, the one with the most money, cars and possession, the man with the most respect, the hard rap of who call women the beword, or the sensitive guy he wants to be a woman's best friend. In the book he also shares with women stuff your daddy should have told you about men.

Just the son of a substance of using father and the Christian mother, Evan struggled to resolve his own identity as a man, but he found a blueprint in the Bible, ancient truth about what is right concerning relationships and responsibility. I'm John L. Hanson Jr. and welcome to another edition of In Black America. On this week's program, Dare to Be a Man with Bishop David G. Evans in Black America. This is part of what God has created every man listening to us right now to become. He's created us to be weight bearers, he's created us to be consistent, he's created us to be revealed in relationship, he's created us to master whatever environment we're in and be productive, he's made us with the potential to be a safe place for everyone assigned to our life as well. So manhood as we're singing in the medium is not the manhood that God has designed for us to be.

That particular design makes sense because of God created us that he ought to know what would maximize our potential. And because of that, I want Dare to be a man to give every man every young man the ability to find out who he is early in life and not make the same mistakes some of us do. In his book Dare to Be a Man, Evans offers insight, enlightenment and empowerment to men and the women who love them. Does being a man mean being the biggest, strongest guy around? The man with the most money, cars and possessions? The man with the most power and respect. Many men think so and many women are frustrated as they try to figure it out. Exactly what that means for them and their relationship with those men. Women have long been misled about what a real man is. Unsure what to look for and expect in a partner. They have unrealistic expectations and unmet needs. They demand what men can't and should give them yet don't allow men to abide the role that God has called them to do.

In Dare to Be a Man, women learn to identify a man who lives up to God's design and to foster a spiritual growth of the men in their lives. As a child, Evans grew up in Philadelphia in a home with a mother who was a Christian and a father who was an alcoholic with the encouragement of his grandfather in 1973. He graduated from Lincoln University with a degree in economics and education and pursued a career in corporate America. In September 1976, Evans accepted Christ into his life and found himself called him to the Fivefold Ministry. In 1999, he accepted the pastor of Bethany Baptist Church in Illinois, New Jersey, with 29 members. Today, more than 27,000 men, women and children attend Bethany. Recently, in Black America, spoke with preacher teacher and bestselling author, Bishop David G. Evans. And as I continue to counsel people, I realize that not only will we have in problems with individuals, but relationships are extremely important to us, but relationships can be

very difficult for us. And there was no school, there's really no guidelines. We usually do trial by error. All of us, including me, we have had relationships that didn't work out. This is where we chose incorrectly, relationships that we got sure they've gotten out of before we did. And to let me know that as grown people, the thing we're not expert at is the thing that concerns us the most. And that is relationship. And that's relationship with God, relationship with one another, with our parents, with our siblings, extended family, and chiefly, the romantic interest in our life, the man and woman in our lives. And so I thought it was time for, I saw two problems. A lot of men had never been taught their potential. The other problem was, women had become victims and come settling in the role. But they also, they love men. And next to God, a man is a primary concern for women.

And women have a hard time understanding them because they either try to convert them into the girlfriends, which does not work, or they become frustrated because they haven't quite figured out. How do I operate with this man? So I wrote a guidebook for men to become as successful as they want to become. And a translation of a man's mind, actions, emotions for every woman that reads it. Ironically, you say that this past Sunday, from his interview, I interviewed Hill at Hopper. He was in Dallas talking about his new book conversation and it has to do with relationship between men and women and how men and women need to talk, to converse. But bringing me to your introduction, the hidden life of man, the definition of man, do we understand what man is? Well, I think the expectation, and the reason I say that is because number one, this macho saying is nothing but a cover for a lack of commitment, a lack of responsibility, and

a lack of confidence. So if we look at the media and look at what is celebrated, manhood has been misdefined. And many of our younger men are emulating examples of manhood, which are not productive. Now one of the things I like about the fact that President Obama has been elected is a heated guy who's intelligent, educated, articulate, loves the people assigned to his life, loves his family, interacts in a diverse group of people, which is part of what God has created every man listening to us right now, to become, he's created us to be weight-bearers, he's created us to be consistent, he's created us to be revealed in relationship, he's created us to master whatever environment we're in and be productive, he's made us with the potential to be a safe place for everyone assigned to our life as well. So manhood as we're singing in the media is not the manhood that God has designed for us to be, and that particular design makes sense because of God created us, then you

ought to know what would maximize our potential. And because of that, I look dead of being a man to give every man, every young man, the ability to find out who he is early in life and not make the same mistakes some of us see, but for every man that's mature to get on the right track and maximize the rest of his life. How do you go about self-discovering who you're supposed to be? Well, being a pastor, I believe, and coming from to my dad, if you look in the dictionary for the word trifling, my dad's picture will be right next to the illustrated dictionary. My dad was an alcoholic, he fought my mother, did all the wrong things as an example for others as boys, my brother, myself. At the same time, I learned that I did not want to be like him, so his negative example showed me what not to do. I think we would just lay hold to the fact that we have to be taught who we need to be and get in the company or get a book like dead of being a man that lays it out, chapter

by chapter, step by step, how a man can discover his maximized potential, but also for the chief women in our lives who, often times they have a problem loving us because we're not sure who we want to be and it's difficult to follow a leader who doesn't know where he's going. So we kind of give a man, every man that reads the book a chance to find out who he is, and then give the woman not only a translation of a man, but also give her the ability to help him become the man that's going to really bless her life. Do you buy into the notion and it's been said over and over again that a woman cannot raise a boy to become a man? I absolutely agree. I think she can tell him what he needs to be, but she cannot show him nearly as well as another man can. Now I came from a single month, a single parent house on my mother raised this. She did an excellent job doing all that she could do, but what she did, she exposed us

to my grandfather very strong man. Some of my uncles sent me to places where I would be around the kind of men who were industrious and full with thinking and did all the vision casting that she could do as a woman to try to at least try to shape who we might become. Now we all hear the dire stories about the fate of African-American male and African-American young people. What do we do as a society and a community when there isn't a man present in the household to show these young men how to become real men? Well, what we've done in our community and in our region is offer them incubators where they can be around strong, professional, articulate, goal-oriented, socially conscious men. We add things like data be a man, the book, to that exposure, and it shows a young man

a different paradigm, a different atmosphere, shows them that there is another way other than the way it's being introduced to him in his community, if that community is negative. That community is really up to us to undo the generational damage that we so loudly proclaim has been done. I was talking to an individual yesterday and I had gone down to the anniversary of the March in Chelms and at one of the museums they showed a film and there were black people being interviewed. There were men being interviewed, women being interviewed. They were maids, butlers, pullmen on trains, janitors, guys that are collected trash, but what I noticed they were extremely articulate, very well spoken, and knowledgeable of the social and historical perspectives of their presence. What amazed me was these were not educated people, so I realized that those people from

those generations had committed to transferring from one generation to another, education, knowledge, whatever it needed to be to make their children articulate and socially relevant. If you got to get back to the church being the place and our own homes being the place where we privately motivate our kids to better things. Seeing our generation, education was seen as a stepping stone. This is something that you're going to do. There's no option in this discussion. Absolutely. Intellect was something to be proud of. Nowadays Intellect is being white. What has changed and how do we break that paradigm? I think that, once again, with the election about president, the reservoir of highly intelligent, articulate, minority men and women is being rediscovered.

It was actually one of the greatest things. Now, the hit thing to be is not a guy with your head around backwards and your pants down around your butt, the hit thing to be now is a guy that's articulate that could possibly be president of a corporation, CEO of a conglomerate, or president of the United States. You mentioned earlier in the conversation, and it was something that Hill Hopper had said when I spoke to him and excused me for making those comparisons, but when a relationship begins, the thing that attracted, either way, the individuals to each other, is how they were when they met each other. Once the relationship develops and they get married or whatever, individuals try to change each other.

What happens? You attract it to this individual for this reason, and then once the relationship has been submitted, now changes once to take place. How does this affect a man and a woman in continuing a relationship that's going to be for the good? One of the things that I noticed is that, and this is going to make people laugh on the hit, is oftentimes in the relationship, the very thing that attracted you to that individual becomes a threat to you after you get committed, for instance. If a man or woman is the life of the party, very social, when we're going together, or when we're not that serious, when the beginning of the relationship, we see that one partner will see that as an asset, because if they're not the life of the party, there's elevation by association. But what is happening unconsciously is that the individual who likes to fact that the man or the woman is very energetic, very outgoing, and is the life of the party, secretly

wants all that energy applied to them. Personally. Yes, personally. So, the deeper the relationship gets, I covet what attracted me to you socially. I want you to keep that, but I want you to turn all that energy towards me. Well, the person who's energetic says, well, I was like this when you met me. And this was a good thing. Now, I do think that when there are negatives, your spouse, your love interest has an absolute right and obligation to try to help you grow in the area. But when there are good things that happen, and oftentimes we become threatened by the good things, say, for instance, if we think our spouse, our girlfriend, or boyfriend is very attracted, we're attracted to that. Once we get into the relationship with them, we become threatened by that. And start saying crazy things like, I saw someone so looking at you, well, what the heck were they supposed to do?

It gets crazy. So, what happened is, if we wouldn't start making choices and not taking chances with our heart, which means we take our time in relationships, see if a person knows what commitment is, see how a person reacts in a crisis, see what kind of family situation they come from, so you can estimate what kind of difficulties you're going to have. Find out some things about the history through conversation with them, see how they handle responsibility, all things that you need to know before you choose to love an individual. I submit to you today that most people fall in love and fall in love sounds like an accident to me. I think you need to choose to love after you're going through a period of getting to a normal person and discover it, yes, these are the characteristics that I can live with, know these are the characteristics that I can't and make a decision, make a choice, don't take a chance for your heart. Bishop, how did you come to the 27, dare to, which was the 27, dare to, how did you decide

on those areas to cover in the book? During the time I've been counseling men and women, and we have a very strong men's ministry at our church, thousands of men attend Beth, and I found that these were the areas of challenge for me, and these are the areas that he needed to shore up and strengthen for his own personal success, but also for the security of those people that have been assigned to his life during his lifetime. And we began to look at very practical things that I think men struggle with, no, I don't think any man struggles with all of them, but if they read the book, dare to be a man, they will strengthen their strengths and strengthen their weaknesses also. Over time, you know, Ed, when one speaks to his friends and colleagues to a certain extent, having that nurturing and foundation of faith and God, and one cannot explain it, all you can explain that it works, how do you convey from your ministry, and through this book

that there has to be some faith foundation for all this to come together as far as being a man? What we've discovered is that God brings balance to any individual's life. I had this buddy that was real overweight when I was a little kid. And in order for us to operate the sea saw efficiently, it would take three of us sitting on one end of the sea saw and him on the other. Now, what would happen? We'd get on the other end first. And the sea saw's usefulness would be absolutely nil because we were all at one end and we were all down, the other in the sea saw was up in the air. It wasn't until my buddy got on the sea saw and balanced out the three of us that the sea saw's original purpose and its use was realized and I realized then that God is the heavy God. It's down on the other end of the sea saw, brings balance to your life, but also allows you to start to function in the capacity that you need to.

The Lord will bring balance to any man or woman's life and is absolutely mission if you don't have a relationship with him and I say this because if he created us, then he knows all about it and knows what we can become because he has created us to be fruitful, to add to our lives, to subdue things or out of controls and to restore those things that need restoring in our lives. He's given us that equipment, but we have to have him in there energizing those abilities in order for them to be a reality in our lives. Why is it important that you have in the book for women, you articulate your thoughts and ideas of what men should do as far as addressing certain actions, but also in that book, you have what women need to do to augment what man is doing. Well because male female relationships are so key for all of us, I mean from our parents to our siblings to those people that we have love mentors with on up until the point

that we married and the interaction between men and women is key to our happiness in life on several levels and what I found I had to do was include the ladies' perspective to help them understand because their biggest frustration in their life is understanding the man they love and this book is a, it's almost like translating a foreign language. This is what he's thinking when he's thinking it, this is why he acts like he does, this is why he reacts the way he reacts lady to what you say, what you do. This is how to talk to him, this is how you get the most out of him, this is how you can help him become all he needs to be, so he can become all he wants to be to you. I mean over and over again, we reiterate and translate and give women really a guide as to how to interact with the chiefs men in life, they'll begin to understand their fathers better, their brothers better, their husbands better, their work better, it absolutely a system, I'm getting mail from women all over the country that are saying two things,

I'm so glad I got this book or I needed you 20 years ago, I'd still be in my relationship. Mr. Bevins, you said you have a large number of men in your congregation but by and large and from my experience over the years that men have been reluctant to attend church or have some similar of faith in their life, is that tractable back to childhood or something that they develop later on in life? I think an issue with church, I think in a lot of churches and I'm a pastor so I can say this and it might get me a little trouble with some of my paternity brothers that are in the pastor but here's the real, I think a lot of times in church men have been beat up on, I think that it is a female dominated society church is but if you understand that in regular society there are more female than men so in a church or any other organization

there will be more female than men so that's a bogus objection. The reality is that churches historically have not really given men what they need and been very practical with them. What we do is recognize who we are as men, recognize that there's a potential we haven't reached and teach men positively. What I do is if you show a person male or female but mostly men, we'll talk about it right now, be sure a person what he can become or who he's created to be, in most men it will correct what he's not. What we've done is take a positive vein, take a positive approach, this is who God created you to be, He created you to be prosperous and this is how you can become prosperous. He's created you to be a leader and this is how you can be a leader and this is how you should lead. He's created you to be a voice in your home and your community and this is what you need to do to get your voice back and this is how you can express yourself in a way that's going to build those people around you.

So what we've done is taken another approach and it hasn't been historical in the church. There's no sense criticizing an individual just what he or she is not. If you're not willing to tell them what they need to do to become bad. Before we run off time, Bishop Evans of the three or four dead two, which ones would you suggest that we'll get a young man or a young boy on the way to becoming a real man? I've got to have a voice, dare to reflect the image of God, dare to be what I've called dare relationships because all those things, those three dares will help a man become who needs to be but nothing happens until he dares to get in the face of God. How important and you mentioned the reaction from women from the book but taking a step further, how important is for a man and a woman married or unmarried or in a relationship

to sit down together and read this book? It is the interview man when couples read it together or read it separately and then come back when each of them gets a copy and comes back and discuss it during the quiet times. They are discovering so many things about one another that they want to wear but also each of them is getting an explanation for instance. A woman may have a point of view about why her boyfriend is doing a certain thing. He may have a perspective on her reactions to why he's doing a certain thing. They come to a discussion and understand because in the book it becomes real plain. This is what he's thinking when he does this, this is how he feels, when this is happening, this is how I can help him. For her it's okay. I haven't been relating my feelings to her correctly. I have not been discussing things with her in a way that would make her secure. I haven't been consistent enough so she can feel secure in her relationship with me.

Those are the types of takeaways that you get from reading dead a bit man as it relates to a couple. We'd be recommending to all over the country. I was in Houston on Sunday at Kirby Jump Carpwell's Church in Windsor Village. I think we took somewhere around 350 or 400 books with us. It was not enough. Couples were walking up. I was autographed for couples and just from my brief summation of the book they were saying this is really going to help us and I need this for understanding. I've always started reading it online. I didn't know this. It's going to help me. I'm going to go home and talk to my husband. My boyfriend about this. It was really an eye opening for every couple that was in line. Any final comments, Bishop Evans? I appreciate your time today. Asking all the people in Austin Techers to run out to the bookstores, the Barnes and Noble Boyders and Amazon.com and pick this book up. I believe it is a serious discussion and serious help for every man and boy that reads it. The earlier your son reads this book, the quicker your man get this book, the sooner the

turnaround begins. It's a serious talk with women. It really explains to you, ladies, everything that you've been saying to yourself, why did you do this? Why did you feel this way? It gives you a real good understanding of how men are wired and how you can help that chief man become all he is. But also, if your man's got a problem, you can help him help himself. Bishop David G. Evans, pastor of Bethany Baptist Church, an author of Dare to Be a Man, published by Putnam Books. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, ask your future in Black America programs, email us at lowercasejhansen at kut.org. Also, let us know what radio station you heard us over. The views and opinions expressed on this program are not necessarily those of this station or of the University of Texas at Austin. You can get previous programs online at kut.org. If you have the opportunity again for a technical producer, David Alvarez, I'm John L. Hansen Jr.

Thank you for joining us today. Please join us again next week. CD copies of this program are available and may be purchased by writing in Black America CDs, KUT Radio, one university station, Austin, Texas, 78712. That's in Black America CDs, KUT Radio. One university station, Austin, Texas, 78712. This has been a production of KUT Radio.