City Life; 203; Winning & Losing

The little you will bring you tonight and see daylight. I first came here. They're nice. I named my stay and it took a long time to fall. I'm really like I'm living now but I'm scared that I will find myself right back in

a position to go back to jail. The seizures that we make are the ones that I can tell now come to suitcases and lots of hopes and my life so completely. New York is truly a democratic city.

You know it doesn't matter who you are you still have to relate to Jew to everybody else on the street. This is an incredibly competitive market for everything to succeed here is to reach a pinnacle. It's just really hard and you just don't you don't know if you're going to be able to do it. New York has for so long been one of the few places in the world that has an official credo. You can be whoever you want to be here. New York attracts people who are risk takers people who have the courage to come to a new place and they do wonderful things when they get here because what they carry with them the courage to change. If

there is one place that I want to be more than any other place in the world be like in the studio working. I've known since I was a little kid that art was like my thing. You know that that's what I wanted to do. I'm going to have a show coming up in a couple of weeks and the opening is a great thing. But really it's been a year going to the studio every day and just plugging at it. I want to be successful artist but I don't think that convene a name call. What I really need to focus on is that I'm really doing the best I can do in expressing what I know needs to come out and that the way for me to do that is to be true to myself. When

I heard 24 I was very naive. I had never even seen a city bus subway and I'm a Chrysler and want to be successful and want to be famous and want

I want it all. I was at a bar as some friends of mine and in there said do you want to do some dope. And I said yeah you know what. And so she said well she said just to have a bag because you can gyro is it the first time I was like oh OK. The next day I was born and that the next day. They're away 10 year in my life I lost my apartment and lost my job and lost myself for that and lost my art.

That's probably the biggest thing you know I mean when you lose all that stuff. But why do you have to have a drug habit. That's all you have. It is hard for me to watch that because and that's not who I am anymore. I mean you know it's just not me. That was nine weeks ago that I took my last one lower ground. It's not that I first came here like being an artist you know and it's it's taken a while but once I get back to where I want to go in first place. Oh.

I made a big mistake and it took a long time to learn the right now. I don't have a lot of material things but I'm happy with what I'm doing with my life. You know it's like would I rather be a famous person or would I rather be a damn good artist. My art work seems to be going really well and I've got some great people who believe in me right away. Some collectors have been really standing behind me while I wrote my credit my son to shame him I don't know where I'll be right. I mean that's just the way I know that I'm

doing good work. But if I focus on the success that sell then I lose sight of what I'm doing. I'm not in the Bible. I have to keep myself in check because I have screwed up so bad in the past and painfully aware of what can happen. Learning the limits of who you are it's important that's one way that losing is important. Failure is important. It teaches you what you're not which is almost as crude is knowing what you are. I'll settle for that. Some days I think one thing about New York

is that even though it wouldn't seem like a place that can tolerate you losers everybody loses. Everybody knows what that feels like. But New York moves so fast that it just kind of gets swept along and the next thing you know I mean nobody remembers I guess the way that I would put it is New York is a place where you can have the second act you can have a third act you can have a fourth act the first act can be a disaster it can be a tragedy and you can pull yourself together you can heal you can come back and you can take a whole fresh crack at it. One of 11 children from single parent family my father worked hard to support us all and I would always notice that he was tired. He would sit down to eat is then and fall asleep. Where's the guy on the corner. Wow alligators

shoes and seem like he had an endless amount of cash. What really set a change in my life. One time he walked up to say hey Shawty make some money. Well yeah of course I want to make my own. And so he tells me Listen you take this back it's such a such a long man you give this is such a such. You going to $500 that initially was the beginning of my life. I was 13 14 years old and I was making fifteen hundred two thousand dollars a day. I think came a fascination It's the willingness to use one that power all a whole lot of kind of felt like I was invincible.

Before I was accosted by a pall over individuals because they feared now I have younger individuals looking up to me because of the information I have to give them what I need the safety you in each and every one of you is the citizens that we make the decisions we make all the ones that shape our lives. OK when I was your age I made all kind of bad decisions. Tell with the scissors that cost me a lot of pain in my life. OK I spent 15 years in jail.

I spent five years on the nothern cost ration and I spent 2 want to abolish a total of twenty two years of my life was wasted because I made bad decisions and. How my back in the same community the start of my life. I grew up in the a lot of people who often people saw me commit a tragedy. James knows what's in the back and tell me what is he going to call when is he going to start his stuff. This is something I had to deal with every day. I've been a hard six months of

extremely lonely. It's still hard to get close to people I feel are people are going to believe that I may put on hold this big change much over are kind of leery about opening up getting close to me because one minute I was in the life next minute I was gone. You know my past is something that will never go away. The instance that that I've developed being in the streets and I call it a really life I live in now but I just keep wondering when is it when is it all going to just fall apart. What is this little toothpick house. Well i'm scared i'm scared that this is this dream is going to end and I will find myself right back in a position to go

back to jail again. I'm get the same employment said are you at the same location same location OK same with same saying now the same day. You think you can you can keep the microphone. Yeah the last time I came in saw you was in fact the kind you check if you want this guy. All right so while I'm filling this out you want to discuss it with me for Valentine's Day I was going to say from the motto was this concert at the Beacon Theater and we had that this two performance that it won't it won't be over after more curve. So I wanted permission from the crowd for I know you you've already been contacted Amsterdam not any time please contact since the last time you reported not OK and so I have this information what I would do with out with discuss with my supervisor and he may make a decision to lift the curfew for you to go to this event. All right.

I'm sorry but I have a federal conviction and I got the state conviction passed go straight to jail because he always wanted to be against. I'm just trying to impress upon you that every decision we make holds a consequence. And I'll be ready to pay for the consequences of action for my thoughts. That's all I want you to think about. My past is something that will never go away and I've been 20 25 years being a deviant. It's possibly take me 20 years. The feels totally secure in these new surroundings I made for myself but I honestly feel that if I continue daily to do something right but eventually those old fear is will disappear. That's what I live by.

My definition of losing is not venturing forth because you're afraid to because as long as you live in New York you can have as many chances here as you want. There's no need to look any further. You know you can do anything you want here. People come here to get away from cultures from traditions that don't suit them and they're all here from the very star was it. You're a New Yorker as soon as you get here no matter what you're doing no matter who you are. I love this crazy CD. It's full of

people cars and problems and I want to be part of it. I haven't tuned in and I didn't want to be but I'm afraid that Sunday in June I have a heavy accent and I'm not trained does good as Broadway actors are but two moves. Is America going to surprise us all. I was born in a little town in Ukraine very nice town but has lots of anti-Semitism. I knew it from my childhood that being a Jew is not so by the time I had my son.

The situation became very bad. I didn't want my son. So all of what I went through that was the major reason for leaving Russia with it was when I was younger in Russia in the big band. Everybody told me when you come to America to forget about singing about those who will never be a single hero. Believe me it was you I love you my

man. When I just came into Rasputin. When I saw the stage when they first saw this beautiful leaf I said I'm going to work here. You go out there in the New World. The dancers all of them are from Russia. All of them are professionals and all of them have a story. All Gulf Coast two very sophisticated computer schools leeana. She took classes for computer design lire. She goes to NYU. She's going to be a dental hygienist. Yes that is all of them had their reason to leave Russia. And all of them started a new life here. Nightclubs like this I sound like a mix of Las Vegas

Broadway and Russia. Right now they have such a great show. It's called history of the word. Part one. Good evening ladies and gentleman welcome to arrest Putin. The brokers are all over it. But I support him. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Your last

in Russia. We didn't have this kind of nightclubs because it was bad capitalistic tradition. The spirit is the result. Or the Russian in America like American tradition in Russian way. Laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh. Tell me

the biggest the best the best friend that you were interested in when they came to America is or if you as a political are if you would never imagine that I gonna sing on the Super Bowl does create the be the best. Yeah but. My life changed still completely. I came to

America almost nine years ago. This suitcase was five hundred dollars and lots of homes. I can't see I'm sane myself but still I'm lucky. I wanted to sing. I think I don't want to do you any snail. I think that the perception of success and failure in

this city is dangerous because in the end I hope you don't do what you do because you want to be a giant success. You do what you do because you absolutely have to do that. You do it because you feel that that's what you must do. You have to have resilience. You have to be willing to take your knocks and you have to be willing to come back. You have to know how to hear and know and respond as if they said yes. The big loser from last week is it really don't even remember who he was. This is the 10000 other losers waiting to take his place. And that's really kind of the what with the wonder of this place is a you can lick your wounds and get right back up and get in there before anybody has even paid

attention. Thank you.