Come Together; 15; Young People and Marriage, Part Two

fb and to come together and come together the program on and for metropolitan you with your co hosts tony nash and sheldon levy as we come together represents a continuation of last week's discussion on young people and marriage this week tony and children are joined by an all youth panel in an uninterrupted and provocative discussion to begin the discussion and introduce the campus here's sheldon levy era this week we're continuing our discussion last week about young people and there are young participants from last week are here to delete jr

smith as marlin steel used to brew schaefer and we have two new bridges prince ms valerie shay colette and mr john gibson and as tony nash in my social media good evening thank you for coming back i thought we had a very stimulating conversation last week and i'm really glad to come back and take a second look at it i'll let me open up by asking you how much effect has your parents' attitude colored your opinion of marriage jr smith would you like to open a competition tonight that will walk in my case particularly of their attitude towards marriage to not have as much in effect is the outcome of the merger i come from a broken home and it's more nice thing it was something of twenty years fall apart i call it my attitude what's right it's cause i feel that people should be linked together out of mutual need more than anything else and that emotional part it's possibly stimulating for the

first couple years but after the kids in that worries an idea money and all the other stresses coming to picture the ability to meet each others possibly more advantageous only love thing one thing my parents' attitudes about marriage had quite a definite effect on me mainly because when you go under a certain set of values of principles you can reject all of them entirely with that but i can't get much respect for mary jan much respect for relationship between two people and i feel i it also would want to follow the common example cause i feel like i would have respect for marriage and respect for relationship between two people dr schafer you had a comment before an outcome versus opinion and to get to hear different drastically and you can observe some of his opinion and the outcome will often be quite different from what they expected to be for

instance people can can claim no no the wonderful benefits imagine we're still observe the reality of the national bee one of the acrimony in and hatred and i think it's it's that reality that that actually affection not locked in the past it so much i think in my my brother's case course his divorce for one thing and now he went to it you know incredibly idealistic noticed this marriage is going to be a fantastic thing and came out of it with with the idea that you wouldn't want to be married again and it was it was i think about that poem i know i would that's correct ask a question do you feel that your parents unfortunately deal on marriage on marrying and on that melody by it was you know we've been talking about the attitudes the what do they say to you i'm either they tell you to go head right on into marriage you know that

a fight against you know you're already occurred well i myself i feel a malaise is it's a beautiful thing i feel that two people can make it but that hasn't today i feel that they own they speak you against it and i know why i'm using from my own point of view it might be a model us he tells me they just always wait because of romantic it was broken in early and ceo says no she herself has no walk in your field for she cannot see what two people can have together we're pinching and see what they can at the gare de she feel it you need to be older in order to really recognize but she feels that she'd you need to be older when i myself i think that if a personals their mind and have this stable minded enough to go ahead and i would think i feel if you know what you want and you show yourself you can go into it but i would i really would like to know

why the majority of parents speak against it you know honestly i really don't think the majority of parents didn't speak against it if anything i'll be quite believe that they speak for us because they are the sort of afraid that your children will have intercourse but before marriage right there they're afraid that the older traditions will be broken and if anything at least from my experience in and making it much i can really generalize from my own experience my parents who would be inclined to say you know get marriage that's really not that also say you know to make sure that you really love a girl julie snook get marriage though we weren't here oh i think that i agree with bruce that most parents want their children to get married but they see all these young marriages falling apart and stuff and they want their children to be sure because it their primary objective is their children's happiness but like in my own case you know my my parents never really spoken to me about marriage and eight the whole thing is up to me because my relatives you

know who my grandmother's in the old country and everything in like every time i come home it's that binds the boys bring i can get married and everything and i think they know that you know with people that have parents know like second generation stuff like that these attitudes are more prevalent know that they want their children to get married young and everything and raise a healthy family this is the topic of matt marrying young and to me and hands on telling you not to marry young there was given to war because they don't want to see many of them i think perhaps given the divorce rates recently have decided that perhaps if they had a chance to do it over because there are many second world war marriages now that were very young marriages perhaps they feel that they did rush into it and i would like to see youngsters take more advantage of the things that are available and not rush into a total situation says sending coordinates not because of they've got a box of goodies and they don't want anybody else to get into it now i think that that

question many times they open pandora's box so i can understand that a fire big they wanted a child take the advantage is why they are stick to the traditional views about premarital and of course are living together because it seems to me that two people can make together for five or six years just living together could very easily make it much longer after that period time in a marriage willis this was something i was hoping to go into from both levels just how you do feel about sex and marriage and how much of a part it plays in a successful marriage and what do you think your parents are honest with you in their attitudes let's go into that a little bit to think that they are able to be honest even with the new needs i want to pose a question that might bring that out a little more of do you tend to think that parents

your parents seem to have forgotten what it was like to be young i know this is a common accusation that many young people bring out against their parents is do you think that they forgot now has to be a young and and feel the full thrust of their youthful really need it i've forgotten what it is to be young i just think that what it was to be young to them as completely different than what it is to be on the itinerary entirely in advance that's the question not to be forgotten what it was to be young and what their attitudes were when they were young publicize the premier of factors can say i think parents too often are judging you by the standards that they had imposed upon them unfortunately and that because of these standards they want to prohibit you from doing such a thing or encourage you to do and that's another thing and i'm very interesting is that so many other cultures the sexual relationships between men and women are still vastly

different in the eye of the united states and what we consider to be taboo is natural and i think if you look at it from a different perspective you don't have to feel guilty and ashamed and do you feel that most parents still have a tendency to make you feel that success geordie unless you're narrating as a value on it that it is not irrelevant but that of that they intend to put a value on that the chain's more than it does to you the values are not the same and they can be transposed from one generation and one time to another generation another time do you do the rest of the veil that the actual that your attitudes toward sex ah we're not talking romantic love or another just having you know intercourse before marriage the maryland courses have changed he really had a totally different picture toward this is for my

mother of course it's very difficult to brooke to break morality or to admit that i'm wrong that one had and was young is wrong and my mother my mother was taught very strictly that premarital sex was an evil it was just that not there was no there was no question to ask me about you who had it because before they were married with was was an evil person or that person and now known people you know begin to doubt that or ask questions about it she chooses a guest visit is actually she just can't see it should have can admit it and well i was just i was a part of him and you know are already leased just i i learned differently from from reading from you for my father for that matter doesn't happen to agree with her and because because lot of problems because we think it's a job one thing you and conflicts a wildly but that it is experimenter <unk> drizzle of the law probably your

dowry you know well my parents like their third special like they've they've never opposed any taboos on me like that in fact you know the young age my mother said you know fight if i feel so i can handle premarital sex you know that it's up to me that i have to consider my own what would my own mind can handle because of the socially imposed taboos and i know with a lot of my friends like their parents would would be you know i'm appalled to think that their children we're indulging in pre marital sex because no religion has a lot to do with it and society and things like that and these people have strong feelings of guilt about it you know like and in fact that they established a double standard within themselves that they don't go so far you know within you know so close to having intercourse but then they'll stop and nine they hurt themselves they heard the people would go with but they still can't bring themselves to come come over the barrier that have been imposed upon them by their parents

weren't let's say that that is they give an attitude of most young people will know if if that is your opinion of course you can question me your challenge that i'm at what age do you feel as young people that adults should start thinking of you as young adults with a right to your own views on six i would be a deeply medicines that are reaches puberty because at that point it becomes dangerous here and not in the army to become physically hurt but you can hurt yourself mentally ill socially you could hurt your life how you know nate of girls taking a job with the security it and on it i think that is the earlier you start teaching job the better off i mean teaching and the fact what i mean is that changing your attitude and acknowledging the fact that they are young

girl adults are young adults you know with with the religiously be gentle yeah and so and i wonder i feel it depends on the individual the costs how could you say that the one person it'll be the same as for another and somebody may be extremely mature fifteen while other person indeed moral infant or physically and perhaps even even if they're physically develop good at being physically doesn't necessarily imply that somebody is going to be over its accept the fact that they're physically developed and i think that a lot people still need guns one of fifteen sixteen was may not have an individual the pad has to recognize in the qualities of their own trials and recognize whether another aunt tells mitchell just really difficult because as soon as just objective you will you know i think in my case it i feel that i was wasn't given the opportunity or the credit for being as mature as i feel i wash which is probably in most cases

and that a fact i mean i'm sure it off faster than many people in that my friends were doing four years older than me which could mean a different category than they should have had some effect on their viewpoint with england actually it doesn't just and when you when you come to handle sittin situations and certain problems and you can have really proven that you can handle and immediately knew and basically i feel that i was sheltered because i had no one honestly to sit down and really talk with and nobody of explained to me well this is this and that is that i had to learn things the hard way he might say by hearsay and also for friends on the hill and this really put me in a bad position because i felt that out whoa like as i was in school you know and i you hear on places you hear billy

telling and john well sally and i went out last night and so forth went on and i fell is a world what went on there but explain anything to me and you know and then when you do find out you find out the wrong way a lot of i can necessarily say the wrong way but i'll say honey is that you shouldn't find out and you go out and you were you know you heard would build told you about and you will find out what bill said and how it was and then automatically this is a reason why parents are coming down on you so hard because instilling come down on you are out there and the reason is that they themselves have not explained anything to why didn't you act it aired five i really didn't know how to say anything i mean was i suppose that i couldn't come up i felt the only ones that i knew would pay what would you say those nasty

four letter words and i have been so monday a soulful house and so and i you know i was afraid he didn't feel free to write and i i didn't i will fall back to go to so on the hill and i thought wow my mother's one when can i say no and this is the list of the environment that i was brought up and you know and six was never talked about him now i wonder do you did you feel that you didn't have any business bringing the issue up when you get an impression you had no business asking about how i was i felt that you just what's also speak about a sex was a bad word and a fellow was a thing will really you know if i hadn't found i myself you know until about ice sails about sixteen and unless i'm fine honestly i would not have known you know what i was basically if i if i had to wait on

what has that selma when i don't know what i was here for and to that what do you think that account for some of the problems that we're having today between young people and paris unfortunately a son dylan is no it does much as you hear this you know a generation the problem say is a generation as communication that and fans cannot really financially and children leave until after he had to talk to their pants on the past were afraid to bring four of the subject of sex and if they do bring up the subject of sex is always don't do this and don't do that it's novel why not off you if you are going to you should do it and this man it's always oh i'm positive you know do you feel that sex plays an important part in a success and in a successful marriage but it's a successful sex and successful enough now it's a very important part in a successful marriage mean it can take

two people have been loving of going steady sensing that there were twelve and they get married they've never indulged in any sexual activities or anything like that besides kissing sector and then they they you know it's the wedding night everything they find is sexually incompatible i mean what happened to that you know like it's a complete blow they thought they were lovers along and everything maybe they really were eleven and they find out that they you know they just are totally incompatible sexually i mean that leaves you you know like you do justice as gerty no no smack in the face and it leads to great frustrations and even my god you've been married for a while and you find that you know like the wife has become prijedor the husband indigenous something like that and it leads to frustrations because i dare natural human desires it have to be satisfied and if the wife can satisfy the husband of the husband can satisfy the wife you know when they do i mean and then it's you know strictly against social mores to indulge in extramarital sexual activities and so it means in

both in a very frustrating situation we're in this case what when you say that premarital sex is good yes i contended is necessary one and how can you then it can use then don't you see the fact that your hands go against you will those villages to sit down and explain to them then you know when they bring this up the dream as a six is necessary because it as you said when i find out that you can do anything for each show he imagines loss i definitely do believe that you know you said that it should be brought out i mean i don't like to get people that have been you know forty fifty years old they have with this way to don't believe that premarital sex you know like it's hard to say all this is what we're talking about this is what it's like and in you know you can't just tell them that they're not going to just believe you know this so what we did in our generation did it so why can't you know we waited you know

and we waited you know more messy i imagine over its great kids know that we love each other and all that no one had even be any evidence that they love each other but it doesn't marry and it doesn't matter because i they say selling carrots voices aren't that i think that the area keep mine with a thing like that they are going to fall behind the last things that have occurred after the year so that's not a very strong point for that come from i mean it was going be in english ships cannot be honest two views about premarital sex was five my mother's consent she says tunisia's as if you're going to premarital sex with a month to plan to marry then it's all right or at least you have some degree of a principle and fall but if you are participating and premarital sex was someone that you haven't got an engagement ring from where you haven't set a date to get married then spy she has concerned you are totally moral us and i catch it you can mail sex apart the narrative

that very beautiful thing and when it comes to the time to be made it's an idea marries a much more natural and i feel would make america much more natural relationship that he hadn't gotten out and vargas of incremental steps before that and that may pose another question which came out apropos word jr said if your parents are conservative come from a background where you know even with the thoughts that you have which are much more enlightened at your age i think and the kids were twenty five thirty years ago if you know that your parents can encompass this new way of thinking this new way of life which involves pills and so on and so forth which takes a lot of the pressure off my sex life would you want them to be honest with you or would you want them to try and change what you want and as you said to come from where they're at and what they represent would you respect them more this way or would you respect them

for trying to understand and change their opinion well in my case my mother was like our see a device you know and she raised this for a long time that self and i was like uh what my oldest sister she just my sister reached it might think you just a corner office for six with concerns she said that if you go and do you know make sure that you have the ability to cope with and my case she surprised me she just walked up one day and no she says well you're young man an ocean going to there's no native natalie from you are going to make sure to the show a least a little respect for the girl and she went to her dissertation i thought that it was a very unlikely thing considering that her father was a backwoods preacher and that there were some like sixteen kids and family were not to go to the show once mom you know and it was extremely strict an observation that i had made and i wonder if

you might tell me whether or not you agree about i sort of tender thing to do is one thing young people today can have over the adult of love today and that is that i find it out of state that gee you people are running criminal sexual not have been a thing left when you get married few people you people get tired of one another and i think what they might be telling young people and this is what happened to them what they're what they're saying is the people are just like us and this is what happened was you have to have an eu commissioner when i say us i don't mean every single out of what i'm saying is this is this has been their experience and i think it has to be the same for all people i think it would be more likely that what they are saying is just the same way i will say to my son you stayed out until one o'clock and went to a discotheque and did so many things that i never did until i was nineteen or twenty one you going to do when you're

nineteen or twenty will you be so jaded with you and he'd been so fulfilled that there won't be anything to look forward on his answer is i'll do more of the same if i liked it or the rootedness that well i might i myself my mother has always known this up in my face you know because i started going out what i was forty in all and go well i don't stay out that late and fourteen because it was will you nicely clamps and when i read about sixteen i was out until one o'clock and was it was huge potty mouths when you were doing it twenty what eighteen or nineteen as far as i was concerned good you know until i like i'm at the point now why don't design a party anymore i'd like to sit around in chat and i'm very content i don't feel as though i've missed anything only twenty five billion of eleven

missed anything but this is always the thought was brought up and that you'll run out of steam everything up you know all of your experience that i feel there's no reason why two young people cannot go out together and enjoy themselves in all you and your companion is no reason why the two of you can go and have a good time if this was not the case why get you and a friend go out you know and i mean there's no aunt is to young people care for each other is because they go all separately that's not going to mean they're going to destroy with a half we juggle this is what you know and so this was always drawn into the jet li yu lawyer strength up and he'll be you know he'll be sure will double and body ages of twenty five and just like us with that question and i do that going to use up your experiences really seems clearly absurd to me and they're just the variety of experiences are almost infinite and today to say that that you're going to use the market is sort of short sighted to happen to

possibly use up all things that one person could do no i know they weren't saying experiences of their sins drives notes it won't have the same value know i think i know i know when i say two to marry if you do this now perhaps by the time youre at nineteen and if you continue on the same level of going out to a three nights and science of what now maybe it's because we had so few things to do and there's so many things to do so many more things accessible version but that experiences hobby to mature and the more experience you have more mature look on a really think that they can hurt her experiences we can only help people that possibly lead coming from secure afraid they might get stuck in the same line of a continuum from listener life and i have seen quite a few people come out like fourteen fifteen and by the time the thirty five his departing

twenty years they're going to be putting it thirty five anyway do it anyway as it was in iraq i've also filed with the parents can't get themselves in this iowa i don't know of anyone else here but i also know that there's always i've always go and destroy my face that you know you tell them would you feel and how you think and you've always been told well i am forty and phrases and forty and you don't even know have things you know i can tell you thousands of things that you don't even know we had a similar experience get up you know you run out the humor around it and still you know an hour oh what is she still contains thousands of things that you haven't been doing it and this is the thing i find this a cash did come together will return after station identification at one all six point seven this is public

radio in new york city double u r b r you're listening to come together presenting a continuing discussion on young people and marriage now let's rejoin our panelists for the second portion of their discussion perhaps a little scared that that the children have really already experienced all things that they've experienced a little bit worried about it so they were at a gala little bit above and out and so that they don't want to do it because they're they're little bit afraid of the trial be as neutral as them but upon their twenties i think those observations little too easy to make and really i think that perhaps what the problem is is that adults just as anybody else have values that they hold on to and that they would like to see their offspring clinton just as the la times doesn't have that much to do with the prison saying that they don't go out partying wonderful achieve the crystal run out of experiences both wondered why doesn't really have too much to do with the values they're not objecting to guide your party etiquette guide your party and forty whereas the valley kind

of way because i guess as you as you grew up innocently was more stressed more pressure put on you because of age at our at at my level there were certain things you could do in certain things you couldn't do a lot had to do with the physical capabilities and sell it and it was more geared to howl much reason you could have depending upon how old are you you know i think we're back to where seldom coming from as far as sex before marriage and we'll be missing out on something when you get married if you have participated and sex before is partly on what my mom's attitude is that you know what this is a sacred thing for mary is her attitude and that that was a gap between immediately and i don't think that because you have sex before marriage is going to

destroy what a married maybe a love relationship i think they feel that if you have city form as you are about the sex as much in a married and if you didn't have that before man because so much value was put on it as the one thing you had to offer when you got married yes that's true that's true there was this tremendous emphasis placed it orders no knowledge didn't you before have not just this thing that was going to happen i always sort of that vicious circle while want to hold on to that vessel marriage really is us only difference does the only benefit fringe or otherwise the rest is really hard to get one of the worst ideas that religion and i think it's pretty much a religious idea what that was it a sexist sacred act that should only be done for procreation a lot of my parents always my mother's attitudes come from this idea that sex should be only for probation offered join and another foot only be a marriage and should always be a little guilt but plenty of assassinated don't really enjoy your writing

that that perhaps a little bit of an exaggeration but i think that you know it is really there i think sex you should be the myth in the volatile as it should be taken down from his pedestal and you sort of search place to work where belong to something that human sentiment that's a part of everybody's life and i think you're not a questionnaire to them and how do you feel they can you take yourself back a few years when you first became aware of sex and end and the fact that it existed and so how did you feel in terms of it in relation to your parents would you know nina i met in other words once you were aware of the fact that there was a sexual act that was done between people could do then related to your parents and were you comfortable with it how did you feel about knowing that your parents made love it when they do participate

in i could not see my parents having sexual relations is because of what they had an admittedly sex life that i had learned from a street and you know you don't think something onscreen apply to your parents and i didn't imagine it and i'm still in my case when i first became aware of sex sells about five years old and his girl says wal mart has to it so so interested and you know that that was just a rational i've grown up with him mr ive known fiscal discipline five six and comprehend is desperate i think as women began to consider the fact that my pastor human beings in it either gotten her demons in there any comparable or anything but the actual human beings that i began to sit in consider them as having sex life and i was happy and i'm on the stack but it was good and howard and point my parents and i were always you know very open about discussing sex and stuff like that

but you know i never really thought about them as having sex until one day i found and i use condoms in the bathroom wastebasket and like i was so shocked out of my mind getting that my parents i mean it was just beyond my comprehension sneaking up and i was a shocker so then i thought about you know i got used to it but i have to sort of you know like breaking in a new show i had to say to get you really do have to get the senate generally you had a romantic movie diet version of marriage without any of a physical aspect walt disney and now like they're holding hands and so on and cellphone jump and fed and all virginia

once you have recognized income through your whole little maturity thing and recognize that sex exists and it affects your lives and your family five and so on and then say that the parents get to the point where they have decided you're nineteen twenty and it's time to talk about the birds and the bees they don't at all you know and then what my question is where do you think parents should tell their children to go at this point what they do know that their will is ready to houses and they don't tell you anything you enough to go on on doing too well one of the other cases you're really weight issue if you wanna said she will wait until mom is a word and still comes across that don't let me get to write an intern and then you wonder and that all of the girls was working you intuit brand well if you if you've heard you know if you've heard it you have all the money we say well this child will tell us something and this to me this is the only you know this is all you can do

because you you know you know your parents have never come to you and say well if you feel you must you know as long to be even as they i mean i was you i wouldn't have so much and others said you know even as long as i don't get to spending is alright but the iranians at this they say nothing about it still leads that connotation of deal that's new well you know you would take a guy home for vacation that you like on steady with and have sex with you know for a number of months or whatever the case and you bring him home and and what you do we're relationship with this guy is totally altered at home and emily tell us mr young the level like it been going like i won't summit for three years and yet after two years it i felt that we have for the fact that my mother my find him kissing me you know and if she did she would lecture me on making out you know and it was a terrible thing but you know you just have a you know you think it's the

guy you know like why the terrible thing is they haven't seen do it it is about making sex something secretive that makes it sort of i mean you know it's that was in some events what that concept of sex acts that something that simple it makes its own and it and that it was some somewhat more on the open or lower good deal more on the open that open it wouldn't be that shameful thing because it is just something so absolutely natural it but to try to make it secret it is really is wrong this wasn't well and the movie is something we haven't disappointed as we really haven't talked about children and where i'd like to see if we can talk about marriage children and sexual together such as bridges cells in the position of parent of children how would you deal with their sex education with your own sex education in mind with the sex education that you got at home unit was nonexistent in mind knowing how it

affected you how would you deal with it how did you get your job you particularly jr member for instance you mentioned the fact that you're as was nonexistent you find out you've found out everything from the outside will with this in mind what would you do as a factor the number one i was feel that when you feel when you see that your son or daughter well mainly i would say sighing i would clinton aside one evening you're going to sit down and say well on the off saying things that you note i i can honestly say was and then you find it hard to tell but i guess i've always felt that a parent or follow mind you or father should be able to speak to his son as a friend at times to do the same i see what i mean in other words it should be able to sit down and

talk to him as though you were talking to his best friend percent of person goes in a rental level right and if you have this relationship with your child you can go right into a conversation and without embarrassing and chow was saying well what do you have six if this would be and if you feel this and ian bassin zealots it was said you could bring up well i know you might have on the birds' for so this young girl you might've seen you outside you see and sell out with this girl and you would bring forth the quest you tell them that well i'm not you know if your opinion what sex is not dead if you're comfortable with that right why you all you before you can say is that if this is what you want to me is i've always felt this way if it makes you feel good to it there was a very end of the trial affected because what about the very beginning

when the world didn't improve question when they say mostly boys first tell me what what you we said that you talked about is people according to use it especially boys and there was a lot of that she has every right now i would feel maybe that would be in the mother's place it i myself was ill because i think the obligation of a bolivian this is joining that that's that's one thing but then on that i think would would lead to a really normal healthy sex life and your child that you that out in front of him you don't you don't pretend that some secret that that on and we can talk about and then if you do that think that kids have a lot of problems it's been decided

that event and i think down one evening we wanted to really do it all know that i bought out of the way and because i myself of dvd will come and it will cause a lot of talk what would as you go about a good point because it should and that i should've been able to say i'm a girl and a boy is there really should be no penguins between a parent and even his son or his daughter to speak on this really should be no hint what i myself i guess it just i was that have to put myself a one a candle flame and that i guess i'll be afraid only know how to go about it be there and work i don't think that he is probably as it is suffering from a total area the ability or inability of the plant

to talk to his son and daughter got up and should be such a drastic thing or such an important thing just because you can talk to somebody has to tell whose daughter not to see if he was just purely parent the house but it's not necessarily an essential needs is a matter of thank you but a wealthy talking together and it didn't seem modern talking into your actions i think it's got so much and in the actions of the person the sort of unconscious attitudes are they expressing their actions that really influences chart those with families it is a tribe that is and secretive as possible and is now actually this i wonder what your attitudes are in terms of a real moralistic think i think would you rather hear parents as young people fighting or making love what could be more exciting play and

we can be comfortable with knowing what you're hearing comfortable with defining a goodyear very awkward position mainly because i found in my particular gait architecture of it my father will say to your mother you know your mother is driving me to do this new mother's dreams and then i found my mother saying to me your father has problems with understand him yet i was a very bad position of the night i'm not comfortable with the fact that they're finding and that the love light does not and if i can't picture because it has never been a part of that they've always kept it completely hidden i'm away and apart from the family life including that still live on family are you comfortable with her i have to do it when you were married i mean i have maybe most uncomfortable with us when my mother did one day meeting her relationship with my father in a sexual way i was

shaken completely i made a motion means do i mean it was in a negative sense the fact that the time had come when they were not able to make love any longer and that it's a rough way to come in and light in it emotionally i mean you you know you know you can't have made love it's in the back of your mind you can picture it but the fact that she would make that kind of statement i'm a fan we thought that was it and that was the only mention you know no longer exists and i feel that the parents children should always see their parents in these i feel it's ours always use more aggressive fall at least once during a lifetime because it would give a child it would have the job or knowledge that when he gets mad that he will feel that they're

supposed to be together and that it should be happiness and that always an argument because as i grew up all i saw was maybe less a moment ago when i mean something omaha be yelling at you know i mean this is this is the fact the fiction or ill and this is what you sing one hour to see what what you hear and i feel that you know a mansion you know if he comes in he said maybe you know this is why for autos why should you notice and what we also stands in front of the children to let them know that when they get all of this is the way things should be yeah but on the other hand you have to watch out for fourteen year because it was at the opposite extreme one is you're not going to do it and for religious issue in the american only eleven in all because that and then again there is no use of two people being that if they have to be folly i've got a question or most of products of marriage in one way shape before i know

what's wrong with america today but if you had to pick out one thing wanted to go over to say that one thing that your marriage it's boiled when america oh i you will see on television there are no i'm going by what i've seen in my life and then visit jewelry and other people's homes and i feel a little present for prisoners the line and his wife was so for this is wrong and it's two people in that trustees of the so a great extent oh this is bad you have to

have their cause i feel and trust is necessary and you cannot you know i cannot fault wasn't the problem that exists with knives today is that it exists as an institution mean that you have to go and get a legal document that says we marinate i mean i get it makes it completely impersonal from the beginning it's an impersonal thing that this slip of paper says you're married and he takes everything takes all the importance of that the emotion and everything because you know like you can love somebody and that was somebody everything and have perfectly you know married relationship shit but if you don't have this piece of paper then you know murray you because couldn't ok that's outage for human couldn't also be for some people that that license a piece of paper as a symbol of a bar i can't say how bond can be so strong of the piece of paper is what it

depends on what the symbols mean a lot of these people weren't simply trying to ask is if you think that this is so wrong i mean it did that have value for some people and isn't about i don't like that that's one of the problems of our society that we depend too much on cymbals an odd tradition and things like that we we're so afraid to change and i believe that you know it's a title i think it's wrong to do that that something as important as the us into loving a person a living person should depend on a symbol of peace and john what is it you are so you know i think that it takes don't you think that it takes a whole thing to be able to live together without that cable binding them i mean they're living together because they want to because they love each other because they need each other all whatever the case maybe get married also black we're together without this papal it to me it would take more than just to go get a table and eventually i had to

me i've i feel into a stadium along the aggression of a company without a little piece of paper that paper doesn't mean anything it just says all we're married it will you know i think that helped the use of nineteen seventy and nineties everyone feel about him but i think if you look at the people want the force don't don't get me wrong i do i'm a whole format do it if people lie and nine years ago they went to the table but i think they taste testers months and even more the state to go without the papal white and perhaps the deed the original reason for marriage was to cement the responsibility for the ensuing children who would come about and also the properties involved in an adult you know what i'm saying that i'm just saying what was your challenge and i think that you think has a little more of a challenge to do it without the paper yes said yeah i would

like to broaden the scope of his argument a little bit by saying that it's simply that marriage to date has to be moralistic standards applied to it if you don't have that within a downpour you know because people understand about mr jo there is living with this is jane enormous again you know whatever the case might be and there are a lot of other more with the things that come in to like the sexes can but you know confined to dayton you shouldn't talk to your kids about having a citizen are given dark to look at sixteen or something like that you know you best man with the problems we might get a song going on much better in the morning you know i mean you you've been sort of you know if he's going to simply too ill and they do it at six is dark it's a debate it's a night and oh i have to leave a lot of sex in three o'clock and they have to

know it's there business know why isn't was it always sounds you in one state in one form and one thousand and eighties saying that their paper is the symbol of it and out of course at the beginning to a couple you know that is sitting there that their bomb but also responded by the same moralistic values that we just not the best thing in the departed was a lot of us there's nothing very necessarily so if it's true though if it's really what people think of that's where their moral values lebanon then it has relevance for them or where you wouldn't negate that it's not that it wouldn't be a detective elizabeth ii that's i'm just saying that it's entirely wrong because that's what was a lack of communication now between parents mitch and because they had to go by that that morally semitic marriage mean you know of course they can change within the marriage

that it's an individual solvers know when a problem because when the saliva league listed on but the marriage itself an envelope that originally was the reason for this bond to be creative is hot now and an authentic pioneer still forced to carry on something which is not just those of a ritual and that that's really when when you have the tragedy of a legal marriage becomes apparent reason summitt do you think that with divorce also with more liberal divorce rulings could also on the same hand come more slaphappy are slipshod attitude toward the concept of land well if they have the feeling that now it doesn't count for that much or say anyway marriage for say does not count that much then divorce wouldn't shouldn't have that much of an importance right you would be happy to see divorce laws that function without this tremendous thing that goes on now there were six libera was to force a loss there

would be no need for the institution that people could simply live together but you but it's not quite that easy mean there are responsibilities there are things that as even you know you can say that you also as young people have a very romantic attitude but eventually perhaps you do want to have children this is a biological urge to their arsenal and you can't really be quite so pie in the sky and not assume that you know there are things that have to be taken care of of course documentation he's not being checked her marriage license to take care of the product and so it gets to be very tricky without it is a great many people to point this out to follow through because verna mentioned this last week she has done a lot of social work and also being divorced herself and there are kinds of problems like you can't get blue cross and medicaid and things like this if you are the father of the child and

you come and say now i have a child in a white i mean i have you know this woman who was mined or my child and i want to quote you can't get it they will get it there are all these kinds of solo that services people shouldn't as the song that led some of the reason was the citation the change that's not a reason why they want actually changes reason why society through june two fifth or nothing is the reality of the world i mean you can say that the people have chosen mission what way from their marriage but the fact is that you can still be married and in some sense or another have already walked away from the matter in a marriage of this whole thing the children know it and you know and everybody else mostly on the navy tickets are still beating portugal still really very conservative it would also probably end with the voice was is they aren't as you know you know in that scene you have to go through if they are i mean still you find that that people with voices that the children are

in the other you know like sixteen dollars a month to support a kid i mean who are you trying to get it's ridiculous but still it's that way i mean as they can still get the rind of the deal now we have the license and we have the big big you know they go through to get it was so so maybe if you change when you make it was easier but you make the parents' responsibility to their children out of realistic one then been the problem that's all you'd seen no net thing about it and saw them in that thing about is a parent should not have to be told that take you of his child oh anything he sent automatically he or she should realize that this is this is their responsibility to follow through with the situation if it's that society changed not unique in the needs of the children it's it's it's not a map it's not a matter

of keeping everything as it is it's a matter of changing society and that new ferocity we should close this segment and i'd like to think this settlement is jr smith miss announced you mr john gibson mr boucher shave this is turning a beach and sheldon levy welcome to you know you've been listening to come together featuring the second of a two part discussion on young people and marriage come together was written and produced by sheldon levy and tony nash with production assistance from barney wragg technical supervision was provided by dan mccarthy and david nott this program was prerecorded barrel we can

thank you general juma fb