KCET Journal; Expecting Miracles

<v Edwin Greenberg>Our problem doesn't show. <v Edwin Greenberg>You know, we don't limp and we don't have canes with red tips at the end of it. <v Elaine Gordon>Some people, their parents don't even know. Their best friends don't know. <v Terri Phillips>I don't like to admit it or say it, but I feel a lot of jealousy. <v Terri Phillips>I feel real jealous. <v Maxine Mocca>And you get the comments like, oh, gee, just go on a vacation and then, you know, it's <v Maxine Mocca>your own family and you just want to, you know, shake them and say you don't understand <v Maxine Mocca>what I've been through. <v Candice Hurley>It does warp you, though. You, you do just desire <v Candice Hurley>a child beyond anybody else. <v Candice Hurley>I'm sure no one wants 1 that's that has had 1 easily <v Candice Hurley>as, as a person who is infertile. <v Narrator>Edwin Greenberg and Elaine Gordon are both psychologists. <v Narrator>They started trying to have a baby in 1978. <v Narrator>Terri Phillips had a miscarriage in 1983. <v Narrator>She and her husband, Maurice Sanchez, assumed that she would get pregnant again, but she <v Narrator>didn't.

<v Narrator>Maxine and Chris Mocca met at work. <v Narrator>They've wanted to baby ever since they married in 1981. <v Narrator>Candace and Brian Hurley are in their early 30s. <v Narrator>They have been trying to have a child since 1982. <v Narrator>We are about to share 3 years in the lives of people who want babies and <v Narrator>can't have them. <v Announcer>This edition of KCET Journal is made possible in part by a grant <v Announcer>from the Goodman Family Foundation. <v Narrator>Having a baby, it's easy for most people. <v Narrator>Too easy for some. But for an estimated 2 to 3 million American couples, <v Narrator>it's the hardest thing in the world. <v Narrator>They are infertile. The life of baby showers, nursery schools, family gatherings <v Narrator>with children, that normal and ordinary life, becomes for them something painfully

<v Narrator>remote and unattainable. <v Narrator>They feel cheated, isolated, often bitter. <v Narrator>Sometimes the reasons for infertility are clear. <v Narrator>Sometimes they are mysterious. <v Narrator>Until quite recently, very little could be done to help. <v Narrator>But now medical science is grappling with infertility. <v Narrator>It still sometimes relies on improvization and serendipity, but it's successful <v Narrator>and perhaps half the cases. <v Narrator>We hear a lot about its miraculous achievements, the multiple births and the test tube <v Narrator>babies, but not about the failures or the emotional casualties along the way. <v Narrator>This is the story of the events of 3 years in 4 couples battles with infertility. <v Narrator>There are complex and costly medical treatments, delicate surgeries, hopes pinned <v Narrator>on the newest technologies, soaring expectations and plunging disappointments. <v Narrator>This is a portrait of people at war with their own bodies. <v Narrator>For some, as it turned out, therewas a baby's cry at the end of the tunnel. <v Narrator>Our

<v Narrator>story begins in 1985. <v Narrator>6 years earlier, Candice Hurley had pelvic inflammatory disease which left <v Narrator>her ovaries and fallopian tubes scarred. <v Narrator>3 years ago when she and her husband, Brian, were unsuccessful in trying to start a <v Narrator>family, she sought medical help and eventually had major surgery. <v Narrator>When there was still no pregnancy, she and Brian began a monthly ritual of infertility <v Narrator>treatments. <v Candice Hurley>We continued on trying inseminations, Clomid, <v Candice Hurley>about everything. And also my husband went through a sperm count <v Candice Hurley>motility test and had a phenomenal one, was <v Candice Hurley>always called Superman or superstud through the whole thing.

<v Candice Hurley>So I always felt that it was due to this problem <v Candice Hurley>that I'd had 6 years ago. <v Narrator>After Candice had undergone months of treatments, Brian took the newly developed hamster <v Narrator>egg penetration test, which roughly assesses the ability of a man's sperm to penetrate <v Narrator>a human egg. <v Candice Hurley>We didn't expect anything to be wrong because of always the praise <v Candice Hurley>of Brian's sperm. <v Candice Hurley>We were surprised to find out that Brian had zero penetration <v Candice Hurley>in the first test. We were shocked, in fact. <v Candice Hurley>So we had the knowledge then that <v Candice Hurley>after 3 years of surgeries, inseminations and horrible <v Candice Hurley>emotional trauma, that Brian essentially was sterile <v Candice Hurley>and that I may have had many chances to be pregnant over that time, <v Candice Hurley>but that- not with him. <v Narrator>Though at first they feared they would have to use donor sperm for Candice to become

<v Narrator>pregnant, the Hurleys soon learned that Brian's situation might be less discouraging than <v Narrator>they thought. They have just now become patients of infertility specialist and researcher <v Narrator>Richard Mars. <v Brian Hurley>The doctors introduced another idea, which was, as far as I know, kind of our last <v Brian Hurley>card, and that is something called Pecoll. <v Narrator>Doctor Mars and other researchers are looking for ways to improve sperm function in <v Narrator>men who fail the hamster test. <v Narrator>1 approach is to wash the sperm in various preparations. <v Doctor Mars>Percoll is just another type of media to wash sperm with, but it has a <v Doctor Mars>distinct ability in some men, a small number of men to <v Doctor Mars>improve the ability of the sperm to penetrate. <v Doctor Mars>So it's something that we'll use when when all else fails. <v Candice Hurley>We're starting from scratch. <v Candice Hurley>It's a brand new ballgame. You know, we- it's- everything we've done before means <v Candice Hurley>nothing. And now we're starting over. <v Narrator>Today, Brian and Candice are seeing Dr Mar's associate, Bill Ye.

<v Doctor Bill Ye>Based off the ultrasound finding, I think it'd be a good idea to do a Percoll separation today. <v Narrator>Brian will be among the first men in the country to have his sperm washed with Pecoll. <v Narrator>It's a relief for Candice to feel that she is no longer the sole cause of their fertility <v Narrator>problems. <v Candice Hurley>Going through medical treatment and always being <v Candice Hurley>told that it's just you is a terrible, <v Candice Hurley>terrible guilt trip. I've many times told Brian that he should <v Candice Hurley>just leave me and find a fertile woman. <v Brian Hurley>I know for a long time she had an unnecessary but a guilt feeling <v Brian Hurley>about her lack of being able to provide. <v Brian Hurley>And it is a little bit closer knit now, I think, because she doesn't have <v Brian Hurley>all the weight on her shoulders. <v Doctor Bill Ye>Slightly-. <v Narrator>Brian's sperm has spent the last 90 minutes in a Pecoll wash. <v Narrator>It's now concentrated in a small volume ready for an intrauterine insemination.

<v Doctor Bill Ye>We took very good care of it. It looks like a very good specimen. <v Doctor Bill Ye>The mortality is good. And the concentration is very good. <v Candice Hurley>I went to my last shower about 9 months ago and <v Candice Hurley>I don't go to them anymore. <v Candice Hurley>Having a child is is so far off in the future <v Candice Hurley>to me, I really looked to the getting pregnant. <v Candice Hurley>And so that's the part that I longed for so much and that makes me so depressed when I <v Candice Hurley>see a pregnant woman. <v Doctor Bill Ye>You may feel a cramp as I'm inserting a catheter, <v Doctor Bill Ye>or you may not feel anything at all. <v Candice Hurley>How many inseminations do think that we'll try? <v Doctor Bill Ye>I would recommend, at least 4. <v Candice Hurley>4? <v Doctor Bill Ye>Okay, it's all done. <v Doctor Bill Ye>Now you're talking as though you're not gonna get pregnant during this cycle. <v Doctor Bill Ye>Give this cycle a chance first. <v Doctor Bill Ye>All right? <v Candice Hurley>I always talk like I'm not going to get pregnant. <v Doctor Bill Ye>I know. <v Candice Hurley>That's the best way.

<v Doctor Bill Ye>So we've got to see how this cycle goes first. <v Candice Hurley>Okay. <v Narrator>It will be 2 weeks before Candice and Brian know whether or not she is pregnant. <v Narrator>Elaine Gordon and Edwin Greenberg were married in 1977. <v Narrator>A year later, they started trying to have a baby. <v Narrator>Elaine was 32 and Edwin was nearing 40. <v Narrator>In the 7 years since then, Elaine has undergone countless medical procedures, <v Narrator>including surgery to repair damage probably caused by an IUD she had used <v Narrator>for birth control. Now, Elaine and Edwin have adopted a baby girl, Lindsay. <v Narrator>But the desire to bear a child themselves has not left them. <v Edwin Greenberg>I'll remain with a feeling of incompleteness <v Edwin Greenberg>forever, I believe, for as long as I live. <v Edwin Greenberg>Maybe after if I don't have my own biological children. <v Edwin Greenberg>I think I'll have an ache forever. <v Elaine Gordon>Intellectually, you know that you're no different than anybody else. <v Elaine Gordon>I'm a woman, I'm a competent woman, this and that.

<v Elaine Gordon>And yet emotionally, I think way down deep, you think there's something wrong <v Elaine Gordon>with you. You're defected on some level. <v Elaine Gordon>Something's wrong. You're not quite the woman you think you are, you <v Elaine Gordon>would like to be. <v Narrator>For the last 2 years, Elaine and Edwin have pinned their hopes on the most advanced <v Narrator>technology available, in vitro fertilization. <v Narrator> <v Doctor Bill Ye>Here you may be able to see <v Doctor Bill Ye>the dark structure in the middle is your bladder. <v Doctor Bill Ye>The ovoid structure in the center here is your uterus. <v Narrator>Like Candice and Brian, Elaine and Edwin are patients in Dr. Mars' practice. <v Narrator>And today, Dr. Ye is examining A to see whether she has produced enough eggs for <v Narrator>an in vitro procedure this month. <v Narrator>In vitro means in glass. <v Narrator>Hence the nickname test tube babies. <v Narrator>In an in vitro cycle, ovulation drugs are used to cause a number of eggs <v Narrator>to ripen rather than the normal 1 per cycle.

<v Narrator>Then fluid is drawn from the egg bearing follicles on the ovaries with a needle inserted <v Narrator>through the belly. <v Doctor Mars>This ?inaudible? of fluid, you can see there's a vial of maybe <v Doctor Mars>6 cc's. And in that there's a tiny little speck, which is what we need to locate. Like panning for gold. <v Narrator>The <v Narrator>eggs together with the husband's sperm, remain in the lab for 2 days. <v Narrator>As many as 4 embryos are then placed in the patient's uterus. <v Narrator>The odds of success are low. <v Narrator>Only 1 procedure in 10 will lead to the birth of a baby. <v Narrator>Nevertheless, in vitro remains the last hope of persistently infertile <v Narrator>couples. <v Narrator>For Elaine, this month, there is another disappointment. <v Narrator>She has just learned that she has not developed enough eggs to make completing her <v Narrator>current in vitro cycle worthwhile.

<v Elaine Gordon>I really did not expect her <v Elaine Gordon>to react the way I did. I thought I could just you know, it happens and I know it <v Elaine Gordon>happens. It happens to lots of people and I can to sort of move on. <v Elaine Gordon>And it just really bothered me. <v Edwin Greenberg>I'm starved. <v Elaine Gordon>Doesn't look that good. It's a funny color. <v Elaine Gordon>But having a child to me is really important. <v Elaine Gordon>Some of it may have to do with losing my mother when I was a year old. <v Elaine Gordon>So in some ways, I would like to be the mother that I never had. <v Elaine Gordon>And yet I can do that with Lindsay and I am doing it. <v Elaine Gordon>And yet I just really want to carry <v Elaine Gordon>a child and be pregnant. <v Edwin Greenberg>I think a lot about life and I think a lot about my life. <v Edwin Greenberg>And there's not that much meaning to my life without me thinking of <v Edwin Greenberg>my death and what happens after I'm gone. <v Edwin Greenberg>And I mean, I've got to feel like I'm leaving something of value,

<v Edwin Greenberg>something significant, something during, eternal, <v Edwin Greenberg>if at all possible. And so reproducing is a very <v Edwin Greenberg>fundamental way of of my seeing myself <v Edwin Greenberg>being eternal. <v Narrator>Compared to Elaine and Edwin, Terri Phillips and her husband, Maurice Sanchez, are <v Narrator>relative newcomers to infertility. <v Narrator>Terri had in fact, been pregnant in 1983 and she and Maurice had been delighted. <v Narrator>It had happened right on schedule. <v Narrator>His career as an attorney was underway. <v Narrator>They had just bought a condo. They were ready to start their family. <v Narrator>Then there was a miscarriage. They hoped Terri would become pregnant again right away. <v Maurice Sanchez>It didn't work out that way. It'll be 2 years. <v Maurice Sanchez>We haven't been able to get pregnant. At first, I would hardly ever think about it. <v Maurice Sanchez>And as time goes on now, I'm thinking about it more and more. <v Maurice Sanchez>And they'll see a child and I'll think, gee, you know, our kid might be that age by now.

<v Terri Phillips>I feel like I'm fighting every day. <v Terri Phillips>I'm fighting whoever is doing this to me, <v Terri Phillips>you know, like someone just ding me on the head and say, and said it's gonna be you. <v Narrator>Theire difficulties having a baby have led to frictions. <v Maurice Sanchez>It does create some problems because often I will want to go to a certain <v Maurice Sanchez>function, for example, where I work, they had a firm picnic, <v Maurice Sanchez>everyone was going to have their family and children there. <v Maurice Sanchez>And as it turned out, I knew Terri wouldn't want to go for that very reason that <v Maurice Sanchez>there were going to be children there. It would make her feel depressed. <v Terri Phillips>The reason I knew I didn't want to go is because I went last year and it was very <v Terri Phillips>emotional for me. In fact, I don't know what happened, <v Terri Phillips>but the tears just started coming while I was there and I had to walk away. <v Terri Phillips>And that's very emotional.

<v Terri Phillips>It's very upsetting. <v Terri Phillips>And it hurts and you feel different and you don't feel good about it. <v Narrator>Today is Maurice's second visit to urologist Fred Wolke, a specialist in Maylin <v Narrator>Fertility. Months earlier, his wife had already sought medical help. <v Maurice Sanchez>Terri started going to her doctor to her OBGYN, <v Maurice Sanchez>and I looked upon it really is not my problem, <v Maurice Sanchez>but when they started eliminating most of the factors with her, then I started thinking, <v Maurice Sanchez>oh, maybe, you know, maybe it is something that I should take a look at. <v Maurice Sanchez>And it was kind of hard for me to to get into that. <v Narrator>On Maurice's earlier visit, Dr. Wolke had found serious problems. <v Narrator>The motility of Maurice's sperm was 0. <v Narrator>They were simply not moving. <v Narrator>Dr. Wolke suspected that heat from a recent jacuzzi bath could have been responsible. <v Narrator>He also found what he thought were white cells in the ejaculate.

<v Narrator>A possible indication of infection. <v Doctor Wolke>The problem of white cells in the ejaculate is a difficult problem to <v Doctor Wolke>treat. First, you have to recognize the white cells and in Maurice's case, we're not sure <v Doctor Wolke>all the time what we're looking at are white cells or immature cells. <v Doctor Wolke>Male infertility is mainly the art of eliminating variables, <v Doctor Wolke>variables which may or may not be germane in any 1 particular case. <v Narrator>Dr. Wolke prescribed antibiotics for both Maurice and Terri and asked them <v Narrator>to use condoms until they completed the antibiotic treatment in order to avoid passing <v Narrator>any infection back and forth. <v Doctor Wolke>Have you been using condoms? <v Maurice Sanchez>Again no, because- <v Doctor Wolke>Vacation. <v Maurice Sanchez>Vacation and well, we've been and we've been trying to conceive and- <v Doctor Wolke>I know your wife is anxious, but if that means missing a couple of cycles of intrauterine <v Doctor Wolke>insemination to get this resolved, I think it would be better. <v Maurice Sanchez>It's kind of tugging at you from both sides.

<v Maurice Sanchez>You think, well, if I may be stop now, my chances of getting pregnant in a month <v Maurice Sanchez>or 2 might be good. But yet you're always thinking maybe this is the month <v Maurice Sanchez>that I'll get pregnant or Terri'll get pregnant, you know? <v Maurice Sanchez>So it's kind of hard to give those months up because they're going by. <v Doctor Wolke>For them I think it's the stress of missing one more opportunity <v Doctor Wolke>where they need to have the chance to become pregnant. <v Doctor Wolke>And of course, I sometimes tell people to take an infertility vacation <v Doctor Wolke>and have sex, for example, just for fun this <v Doctor Wolke>month, just so they get away from the stress of infertility while we can do our <v Doctor Wolke>treatment. <v Doctor Wolke>Now, go ahead and bear down. <v Doctor Wolke>And, you know, as we discussed, you had this fullness there and I just can't decide <v Doctor Wolke>whether that's a varicocele or not. <v Doctor Wolke>My suspicion is somewhat low. <v Narrator>Dr. Wolke is examining Moreese for a varicocele, a varicose vein in the scrotum, <v Narrator>which is sometimes implicated in male infertility. <v Narrator>It's 1 more possibility that he has to eliminate.

<v Maurice Sanchez>It's like being a guinea pig. <v Maurice Sanchez>You feel like you're, you know, being prodded and poked and they're trying <v Maurice Sanchez>all these different techniques on you and you're not sure what's going on. <v Maurice Sanchez>And a lot of times it doesn't even seem that the variables that they're <v Maurice Sanchez>trying to eliminate are necessarily applicable to you. <v Maurice Sanchez>It's just that, you know, they haven't tried it yet. <v Maurice Sanchez>So they want to try it on you and see whether or not it'll work. <v Narrator>Dr. Wolke decides that varicocele is not a factor in Maurice's case. <v Narrator>If it had been, the treatment would have required surgery. <v Doctor Wolke>?inaudible? clips please. <v Doctor Wolke>All we do is we find the varicose veins separated away from the artery <v Doctor Wolke>that supplies the testicle and then tie it off and take out a piece of the middle so <v Doctor Wolke>hopefully it doesn't recur. <v Doctor Wolke>This is a piece of varicose vein, do not send ?inaudible? <v Narrator>Exactly how very vericoceles affect fertility is not known, but at least they can <v Narrator>sometimes be successfully treated.

<v Narrator>Many other male fertility problems are even less well understood. <v Narrator>And no treatments for them are yet available. <v Doctor Wolke>Male infertility is an infant science. <v Doctor Wolke>Most of the major advances in the last 10 years and male infertility have come <v Doctor Wolke>out of advances directly related to technology and in vitro fertilization. <v Doctor Wolke>We're in the 1800s of male infertility compared to our gynecologists who are <v Doctor Wolke>really in the 21st century. <v Emcee>I give you Dr. Wolke. <v Narrator>Today, Dr. Wolke is addressing a seminar sponsored by the Orange County chapter of <v Narrator>Resolve, a national organization that offers infertile couples emotional support <v Narrator>and information. <v Doctor Wolke>Hot baths and jacuzzis. Now I get people all the time, I see people who tell me, <v Doctor Wolke>well, we know that hot baths or jacuzzis are bad for us, so we don't do it the week <v Doctor Wolke>before she ovulates. And this is a point I really want to drive home, that <v Doctor Wolke>if you get in a jacuzzi once, you can wipe out your fertility potential for the next 3 to <v Doctor Wolke>6 months. And so- I see people doing.

<v Doctor Wolke>The reason the testicles are on the outside in the scrotum is because 98.6 <v Doctor Wolke>is too hot for them. And if you get in a jacuzzi at 104, 105, <v Doctor Wolke>the sperm count will drop. The motility will drop. <v Doctor Wolke>And if you look at them under the microscope, they'll be like, you know, they'll be- <v Narrator>The women have traditionally been held responsible when couples have been unable to have <v Narrator>children. In 10 to 20 percent of the cases, the man and woman both have a problem <v Narrator>and half of all other infertility is due to men. <v Doctor Wolke>2 semen analyses, at least, should be part of any fertility workup, it is a <v Doctor Wolke>couple's problem. And if the semen analysis is abnormal, <v Doctor Wolke>most men will acknowledge that it is their problem. <v Doctor Wolke>I've had and seen patients where the male will not give a semen analysis because he knows <v Doctor Wolke>it's not his problem. That's obviously wrong. <v Maurice Sanchez>I know what's in the back of a lot of people's minds that, gee, you're <v Maurice Sanchez>not really a man if you can't have a baby, if you can't father a baby.

<v Maurice Sanchez>And it is traumatic because, you know, it really questions who you are and <v Maurice Sanchez>what you're all about. <v Doctor Wolke>But you can see that there's there's-. <v Narrator>In Maurice's case there is cause for some optimism. <v Narrator>The motility of his sperm has gone from 0 to 48 percent losing forms, perhaps <v Narrator>because he has stayed away from jacuzzi baths. <v Narrator>Now, Dr. Wolke hopes he and Terri will follow the prescribed treatment for the white <v Narrator>cells in Maurice's ejaculate. <v Narrator>If male infertility often baffles doctors, the causes of female infertility <v Narrator>are sometimes obvious and treatments are direct. <v Narrator>Val Davejan is a gynecologist who specializes in infertility. <v Narrator>Today, he is about to perform surgery on a 33 year old woman whose fertility <v Narrator>is threatened by tumors on her uterus. <v Doctor Val Davejan>The surgery is known as myomectomy, means moving smooth muscle <v Doctor Val Davejan>benign tumors of the uterus. They're a very common finding in women <v Doctor Val Davejan>throughout the world.

<v Doctor Val Davejan>And that's what it looks like. This is all fibroid. <v Doctor Val Davejan>This is her, right? ?inaudible? width is normal. <v Doctor Val Davejan>Here is a follicle on her left side. <v Doctor Val Davejan>The indication from myomectomy here is to preserve her childbearing and <v Doctor Val Davejan>to get the fibroid off the uterus before it damages the tube. <v Narrator>To be sure the fallopian tubes haven't already been damaged. <v Narrator>Dr. Davejan injects dye into the patient's uterus to see if her tubes are open <v Narrator>and presumably able to transport an egg. <v Doctor Val Davejan>There goes the left tube spilling blue dye. <v Doctor Val Davejan>That's coming right through the opening right there. <v Doctor Val Davejan>Even now, in many places, the United States people just look <v Doctor Val Davejan>at this and say it's too big and let's just go ahead and take <v Doctor Val Davejan>out the uterus. And we think that's wrong. <v Doctor Val Davejan>Can I have the ?inaudible?, please? <v Doctor Val Davejan>Patients should always ask.

<v Doctor Val Davejan>They should never be intimidated or think that they're hurting someone's feelings <v Doctor Val Davejan>by asking, are you a specialist? <v Doctor Val Davejan>How many cases have you done and what are your success rate? <v Doctor Val Davejan>That's a normal size uterus. It was like this, and <v Doctor Val Davejan>now it's like this. <v Narrator>Maxine and Chris Mocca have been patients of Dr. Divison for the past 2 and a half years <v Narrator>now. <v Doctor Val Davejan>Now that's this cycle? Have you had a period yet? <v Maxine Mocca>Yes. My period started yesterday, so I'm not pregnant. <v Narrator>Despite a long series of tests and treatments, Maxine and Chris haven't been able to have <v Narrator>a baby. they have never found out what is wrong. <v Doctor Val Davejan>Now that puts you in the 10 percent category, unexplained <v Doctor Val Davejan>infertility. <v Doctor Val Davejan>And that's probably 1 of the hardest categories to be in. <v Doctor Val Davejan>You've now ?inaudible? We have run out of tests and we've- if <v Doctor Val Davejan>we're going to talk about failure, you haven't failed, it's really, our knowledge has

<v Doctor Val Davejan>failed. We don't have all the answers. <v Maxine Mocca>Knowing that I'm still unexplained. <v Maxine Mocca>That's the hard part. And I just, you know, I want to have a baby. <v Doctor Val Davejan>This is very common. The patients just don't achieve a pregnancy, but they're <v Doctor Val Davejan>battered. They're a battered group of people that have been through a lot. <v Doctor Val Davejan>And all they wanted was something that's so natural for most people. <v Doctor Val Davejan>They're not asking for something that's really unrealistic. <v Doctor Val Davejan>They just want to be parents. You've really done everything. <v Doctor Val Davejan>And the issue is, what are we going to do about it? <v Narrator>Maxine and Chris want to try in vitro fertilization, which Dr. Davejan does not perform. <v Narrator>He agrees that the time has come for them to move on and just referring them to Dr. Mars. <v Narrator>Most of the 4 years of Maxine's married <v Narrator>life had been dominated by infertility. <v Narrator>When you get your period, you know, you go way down, it's probably as low as you can, <v Narrator>you know, every month hoping that that you don't get it.

<v Narrator>And then you start right back up on the rollercoaster, you know, mid cycle. <v Narrator>You're just real hopeful that everything's going to work out right this month. <v Narrator>As Maxine has become more and more caught up in her infertility, she has become active <v Narrator>in Resolve. <v Maxine Mocca>Resolve helps you or helps, has helped me <v Maxine Mocca>realize that there's other people out there that are feeling the same way and it's okay <v Maxine Mocca>to get upset because you get your period and it's okay to <v Maxine Mocca>want to run down a pregnant woman with your car when you see her crossing your crosswalk. <v Narrator>For infertility specialists like Dr. Davejan, the emotional trials that patients <v Narrator>go through are never far away. <v Doctor Val Davejan>I think the word fear of not having this <v Doctor Val Davejan>pregnancy, the fear of being barren is a biological need. <v Doctor Val Davejan>I don't know what the answer is, but it's so real, so powerful <v Doctor Val Davejan>as an emotion wanting to be a parent.

<v Doctor Val Davejan>I think fear of not achieving that is the overwhelming emotion that I run <v Doctor Val Davejan>into. <v Narrator>Today Dr. Davejan is attending a conference in Santa Barbara called Reaching for <v Narrator>Parenthood. <v Adopting mother>I mean, I realized when my son was a month old and I had a chance to think about <v Adopting mother>it, I was very satisfied with this adopted baby and still terribly <v Adopting mother>upset about being infertile. <v Doctor Val Davejan>This over all gloom that takes over has to be dealt with <v Doctor Val Davejan>and pushed aside once awhile. <v Doctor Val Davejan>We're destroying youth and good times of life for <v Doctor Val Davejan>the one aspect of this life process. <v Andrea Shrednick>You just brought up the aspect of obsessional qualities in <v Andrea Shrednick>fertility. Val and I went to Minneapolis a couple of months ago <v Andrea Shrednick>and I brought up the fact that I thought that infertility was also an addiction <v Andrea Shrednick>by every DS- <v Narrator>Andrea Shrednick is a psychologist who counsels some of Dr. Dalvejan's patients on <v Narrator>infertility and adoption issues. <v Andrea Shrednick>What do you do with it? Where do you go?

<v Andrea Shrednick>How do you cope with it? <v Doctor Val Davejan>To the pusher, that's what you call the doctor, the pusher. <v Off-camera woman>The ?inaudible? care unit. <v Andrea Shrednick>And we hope that it will work and there- you give statistics and we all believe <v Andrea Shrednick>we're going to be in that 20 percent statistical number. <v Andrea Shrednick>What do we do with that? <v Adopting mother>See, I resent calling it an addiction because I think that I have a right to <v Adopting mother>feel bad about being infertile and maybe someday I won't. <v Andrea Shrednick>I don't necessarily mean it as a negative. <v Adopting mother>No, well, [crosstalk] addiction is a negative. <v Doctor Val Davejan>Maybe you can call it habituation. <v Woman in circle>But I think an addiction in the sense that every month you have to take your temperature <v Woman in circle>every day. And yes, you're not addicted in the sense that you could stop, <v Woman in circle>but I remember people telling me, why don't you take a month off, why don't you stop? <v Woman in circle>And I was obsessed. <v Woman in circle>I couldn't stop. <v Doctor Val Davejan>There was a withdrawal. <v Woman in circle>Because I felt like I'm missing another month. My goodness, I won't be pregnant this <v Woman in circle>month if I don't do it. <v Labor coach>OK, so we're in early labor. <v Labor coach>All right. And we remember our picture of early labor. Early labor is usually not an <v Labor coach>uncomfortable time. Relax.

<v Narrator>While Maxine and Chris are still pursuing medical treatments, they have also been trying <v Narrator>to adopt a baby. 1 adoption fell through at the last moment, but now <v Narrator>they have met Leslie, who has agreed to give them her baby. <v Narrator>Maxine will be Leslie's labor coach. <v Leslie>I was shocked when when Maxine and Chris were telling me about the things that they'd <v Leslie>been going through being infertile, why me being single and poor and, <v Leslie>you know, and needing to do something with her life. <v Leslie>Why should I be getting pregnant just like that? <v Leslie>Why is it so easy for me and so hard for other people? <v Maxine Mocca>Are you nervous? Me too. <v Narrator>Leslie is having a cesarean birth and Maxine is with her. <v Narrator>For many infertile couples, adoption becomes a solution. <v Narrator>Today, the majority of baby adoptions are independently arranged. <v Narrator>Though adoption agencies have traditionally wanted couples to have put aside medical <v Narrator>treatment before adopting, many couples do pursue medical treatment and adoption <v Narrator>simultaneously.

<v Maxine Mocca>So I think it's really presumptuous of an agency to to think that it has <v Maxine Mocca>to be focused 100 percent on adopting a child and 0 <v Maxine Mocca>percent on ourselves. <v Maxine Mocca>Oh, I see its head. <v Leslie>Do you? <v Nurse>Here's the head coming out. <v Maxine Mocca>Okay. <v Nurse>It's a boy! <v Maxine Mocca>It's a boy! Oh! <v Nurse>Are you emotionally settled want to go see him? <v Maxine Mocca>Yeah. <v Nurse>You can go over and around. <v Leslie>Go ahead, he's yours. <v Maxine Mocca>When women are pregnant, I think that sometimes they lose track <v Maxine Mocca>or lose sight of how actually blessed they really <v Maxine Mocca>are. Pregnancy is a gift. I honestly believe that. <v Maxine Mocca>It's, it's, it's a gift. The life is a gift. <v Maxine Mocca>And it's not something that should be taken for granted.

<v Maxine Mocca>That's a real experience, that's a real experience. <v Maxine Mocca>Leslie's doing really good. She did wonderful. <v Maxine Mocca>She really did. I'm going to go down there with the baby. <v Narrator>It's now 1986. <v Narrator>4 months after she began intrauterine inseminations with Brian's Percoll washed <v Narrator>semen, Candice Hurley became pregnant. <v Candice Hurley>I did the home pregnancy test and instantly turned blue. <v Candice Hurley>I had 2 days of total elation and <v Candice Hurley>then I started spotting. <v Candice Hurley>And, of course, it was so frightening. <v Candice Hurley>I've had so many people tell me that already. <v Candice Hurley>Well, at least, you know, you can get pregnant. <v Candice Hurley>Well, it took us 4 years to get pregnant. <v Candice Hurley>You know, who knows if I will ever get pregnant again. <v Candice Hurley>No one knows that. So we had so many odds stacked against

<v Candice Hurley>us in the first place that, you know, this really true is miracle pregnancy. <v Narrator>Now, Candice is 6 weeks pregnant. <v Narrator>And today, she and Brian hope to find out whether the pregnancy is viable. <v Doctor Bill Ye>Well, congratulations. The pregnany is inside the uterus. I'm going to demonstrate the heartbeat. <v Candice Hurley>Oh please do. <v Doctor Bill Ye>I thought I saw it for a minute there. There it is, right there. <v Candice Hurley>That's the heartbeat? <v Doctor Bill Ye>There it is. <v Candice Hurley>That's it, really? <v Doctor Bill Ye>Very difficult to see. Can't be absolutely sure, but I'm very confident. Right there. <v Candice Hurley>I guess I don't probably feel as pregnant as some people do who assume

<v Candice Hurley>they're going to carry, assume that they're going have a normal pregnancy, because I <v Candice Hurley>don't assume that at all. I'm, I'm ready for anything that comes along. <v Candice Hurley>I think that's the infertile person's way of dealing through the years <v Candice Hurley>with all the disappointments. <v Narrator>A week later, Candice's doctors could find no heartbeat. <v Narrator>The pregnancy was not viable. <v Narrator>9 months have passed. As Elaine has waited for enough follicles to develop to make an in <v Narrator>vitro cycle worthwhile. <v Narrator>Now she has 2, and she and Edwin have decided to go ahead, even though Dr. Mars <v Narrator>prefers to have a larger number of eggs available. <v Doctor Mars>We take ?inaudible? both folicles first, and then- <v Narrator>Dr. Mars is among the in vitro pioneers. <v Narrator>In 1982, he was responsible for 1 of the first in vitro babies born in the United <v Narrator>States. <v Doctor Mars>I got into this area because it was, it was a difficult area.

<v Doctor Mars>It was a challenge. It was- people said it couldn't be done. <v Doctor Mars>Well, I kind of like people telling me things like that because <v Doctor Mars>it just makes me a lot more aggressive in approaching those problems. <v Narrator>Today, instead of performing traditional in vitro fertilization with Elaine, <v Narrator>Dr. Mars will be attempting a procedure that has recently been developed as an offshoot <v Narrator>of in vitro. The new method is called gamete intrafallopian tube transfer, <v Narrator>or GIFT. <v Narrator>In the GIFT procedure, eggs will be recovered in the same way as for in vitro, but <v Narrator>rather than fertilized them in the lab, Dr. Mars will immediately placed the eggs <v Narrator>together with Edwin's sperm in Elaine's 1 good fallopian tube. <v Narrator>The hope is that having fertilization occur in its natural environment will improve the <v Narrator>likelihood of a pregnancy. <v Elaine Gordon>You're always given hope because they- like a new medical treatment comes out, a new <v Elaine Gordon>discovery, new medicine, new something.

<v Elaine Gordon>And you're willing to try it because all of a sudden have another chance. <v Doctor Mars>There's a, here's the top of your uterus. <v Doctor Mars>We'll place the aspirating needle in to <v Doctor Mars>this large follicle first and drain it. <v Doctor Mars>You see the follicle collapsing on the screen as <v Doctor Mars>the fluid is draining out. That's <v Doctor Mars>the first one. <v Doctor Mars>There's only 1 other one, so let me know as soon as you can <v Doctor Mars>about that one and we'll see. Turn on the intercom so we can talk to Jodi. <v Jodi>I'm grading, and this is a 2 plus in our grading system, <v Jodi>2 plus is a mature egg, this is a mature one. You can tell that by the dispersement of <v Jodi>the cumulous mass, the radiating effect of the corona. <v Jodi>There's a 2 plus. <v Doctor Mars>Good. Music to my ears. <v Edwin Greenberg>The 2 most difficult times for me center around

<v Edwin Greenberg>the in vitro procedure, the beginning of it and the end <v Edwin Greenberg>of it, there's a certain optimism, but also a certain futility <v Edwin Greenberg>that I feel as I sit there. <v Edwin Greenberg>It's a very difficult time for me emotionally. <v Jodi>There's only one piece of cumulous mass in that second folicle. <v Doctor Mars>That should have been a good, good aspirate. <v Doctor Mars>I'm re-aspirating it now. <v Narrator>Though Elaine's second follicle looked good, no egg was found inside. <v Narrator>And so only a single egg is placed with Edwin's sperm in a catheter and brought <v Narrator>back to the operating room for transfer to Elaine's tube. <v Doctor Mars>Let's grasp the tube behind its fimbriated end. Attempt to put this catheter into the <v Doctor Mars>opening of the tube and then transfer the egg and sperm <v Doctor Mars>into the fallopian tube. Can't seem to get around the angle. That's not doing it either. Can't

<v Doctor Mars>get the damn thing to go around the corner. Try that. <v Doctor Mars>Still not happy with that. Damn it. <v Doctor Mars>She's got some adhesions inside. <v Doctor Mars>It's got to be the only thing that's holding it up. <v Doctor Mars>Can't do it. <v Doctor Mars>We'll put those back in the culture. <v Narrator>Unable to place the egg and sperm in Elaine's fallopian tubes, Dr. Mars sends

<v Narrator>them back to the lab. And what began as GIFT ends up as a standard in vitro <v Narrator>procedure. <v Narrator>2 days have passed, the embryo is ready for transfer to a uterus. <v Doctor Mars>There it is. It's a nice ?inaudible? embryo, it's healthy. <v Doctor Mars>See the 1, 2, 3 and 4 cells are dividing. <v Narrator>With just 1 embryo. Dr. Mars and Elaine know the chance for having a baby <v Narrator>from today's transfer is not very great. <v Doctor Mars>I don't know if you can see it but that little drop of water right there. <v Doctor Mars>That's where your embryo is. It's all in there. <v Doctor Mars>You're gonna feel a little pressure. <v Elaine Gordon>The idea of not continuing or pursuing trying to have a biological child <v Elaine Gordon>just has never crossed my mind. I don't know. There's something about me that I need to <v Elaine Gordon>keep going, to keep trying. <v Elaine Gordon>I'll always be looking for a new medical procedure until my own body says I just can't do

<v Elaine Gordon>it anymore. <v Narrator>This is the third time in 3 years of trying in vitro that Elaine has reached the embryo <v Narrator>transfer stage. <v Elaine Gordon>You feel pregnant for that moment in time. <v Elaine Gordon>I mean, they've transferred fertilized eggs into you. <v Elaine Gordon>I think it's the closest I've ever come to becoming pregnant or being pregnant. <v Elaine Gordon>And you're like, you're so close and you just don't quite make it. <v Narrator>In 2 weeks time, Elaine and Edwin will learn that once again she is not pregnant. <v Edwin Greenberg>We try to keep a damper on our hopes, but <v Edwin Greenberg>when either I get a phone call or just <v Edwin Greenberg>being here and, you know, Elaine will say that <v Edwin Greenberg>she's gotten her period. <v Edwin Greenberg>Well, it's a real blow. <v Maurice Sanchez>It's a year and a half since Maurice Sanchez last saw a Dr. Wolke.

<v Maurice Sanchez>14 months ago, he and Terri adopted a baby girl, Marissa. <v Terri Phillips>It wasn't that I just decided to stop with the medical and <v Terri Phillips>go for adoption. It was like I was going for anything I could. <v Maurice Sanchez>It was really a welcome break to stop the medical treatment once we adopted the baby. <v Maurice Sanchez>It was such a relief that we actually had a baby there in our house <v Maurice Sanchez>and we didn't feel that she was any less our baby because she was adopted. <v Maurice Sanchez>We're just so happy to have her, and just the added relief of not <v Maurice Sanchez>having to go through these medical treatments constantly, I think took a big strain off <v Maurice Sanchez>of us and allowed us to become a lot closer. <v Narrator>Maurice and Terri still want to have a biological child, and now that Marissa is a year <v Narrator>old, they have resumed medical treatments. <v Terri Phillips>I don't think any couple in our situation ever gives <v Terri Phillips>up unless someone comes and tells you, absolutely, you will never have a baby. <v Terri Phillips>It's impossible. I don't think anybody gives up.

<v Narrator>Maurice's medical situation has improved. <v Narrator>He and Terri have now followed all of Dr. Wolke's recommendations and where earlier <v Narrator>he had failed the hamster egg penetration test, Maurice has now passed. <v Doctor Wolke>I'm optimistic from a male point of view that that I have fixed his variable. <v Doctor Wolke>I feel there are no white cells in his most recent semen analysis, and therefore I was <v Doctor Wolke>confident that he would pass a hamster egg test. <v Doctor Wolke>He did pass, but on the hamster egg test, they caught a lot of white cells, so. <v Narrator>At about the time he was first treating Maurice Sanchez, Dr. Wolke began to suspect <v Narrator>that he himself might be infertile. <v Narrator>He and his wife, Kathy Mallin, had stopped using birth control, but there was no <v Narrator>pregnancy. Tests show that Kathy had no apparent problems. <v Doctor Wolke>So I called the best urologist I know, namely myself, and did a semen analysis and <v Doctor Wolke>thought I had white cells, so I treated myself. <v Doctor Wolke>And finally we just weren't getting pregnant. <v Doctor Wolke>And I think my wife fired the urologist handling the case.

<v Cathy Mallon>I think until fairly recently, the two of us were a little bit out of step <v Cathy Mallon>in our dealing with the situation. <v Cathy Mallon>I think I felt the urgency to have a child before Fred. <v Narrator>Only after Fred Wolke failed a hamster egg penetration test did he begin to share <v Narrator>his wife's concern. <v Doctor Wolke>I've always been sensitive to the fact that infertile couples are stressed by the <v Doctor Wolke>reactions of their, their realitve, relatives saying how come you're not pregnant yet <v Doctor Wolke>by people saying, how come you don't have any children? <v Doctor Wolke>I never thought that would bother me if someone said, why don't you have kids? <v Doctor Wolke>I'd say, I'm infertile. And that wouldn't bother me. <v Doctor Wolke>But, you know, it bothers me to say it. It bothers me not to have children. <v Doctor Wolke>It bothers me to have to go on with this month after month. <v Doctor Wolke>And it bothers me when they ask me. <v Cathy Mallon>It's made me much more acutely aware of things I may have said to people how flippantly I <v Cathy Mallon>said to people before I knew, oh, I'm sure you'll be able to have <v Cathy Mallon>a baby soon. All the remarks, the standard phrases that everybody makes. <v Cathy Mallon>You don't mean to be insensitive, but I realize now how many times I

<v Cathy Mallon>was very flip about it with somebody else. <v Narrator>Why Fred didn't pass the hamster test was never clear when a series of intrauterine <v Narrator>inseminations failed. The next hope for Cathy and Fred became in vitro fertilization. <v Narrator>A week ago, Cathy completed an in vitro cycle. <v Narrator>Now they have another week to wait before learning whether she is pregnant. <v Cathy Mallon>This is probably the hardest 2 weeks of my whole life. <v Cathy Mallon>I was not prepared for how I would feel. <v Cathy Mallon>I go up and down 10 times a day. Yes, I'm pregnant. <v Cathy Mallon>No, I'm not. Have a lot of little fantasies. <v Cathy Mallon>Don't really think too much about what I'll do if the test is negative, though I'm honest <v Cathy Mallon>with myself probably a couple of times a day and realize that there's a good chance that <v Cathy Mallon>it will be. <v Doctor Wolke>We both cried. <v Doctor Wolke>We don't know what we've cried about because we don't know anything definitive. <v Doctor Wolke>We're waiting to see. We're crying under the stress of waiting to find out whether <v Doctor Wolke>there's going to be another period, another sense of disappointment, and another set of <v Doctor Wolke>parties where all of our friends have said, aren't you pregnant yet?

<v Narrator>1 week later, Fred and Cathy received disheartening news. <v Narrator>The pregnancy test was negative. <v Cathy Mallon>To most people. Having a baby is something they wanted, something they planned and <v Cathy Mallon>something that happened. And that was exactly the same for Fred and I. <v Cathy Mallon>It just didn't happen. <v Narrator>It's been a year and a half since Maxine and Chris adopted their baby named Cory. <v Narrator>Looking back, Maxine realizes that the experience of motherhood has not always <v Narrator>matched her fantasies. <v Maxine Mocca>You feel like you're going to be super mother. <v Maxine Mocca>You're going to be super parent. <v Maxine Mocca>You know, you're not going to get upset. <v Maxine Mocca>You're not going to be at 2:00 in the morning when the child screaming and you want to <v Maxine Mocca>sleep. You know, it's kind of like, well this is what I wanted, you know? <v Maxine Mocca>And I remember Cory was about two weeks old and he was he <v Maxine Mocca>would cry every night. And I would just- I was in there rocking him and I was crying <v Maxine Mocca>and thinking, this is what I wanted?

<v Maxine Mocca>This is what I wanted at 2:00 in the morning to do for the rest of my life? <v Maxine Mocca>And I all of sudden this wave of guilt came over me and thought, how can you have such <v Maxine Mocca>horrible thoughts? This is what you wanted. <v Maxine Mocca>This is what you've been striving for for all these years. <v Maxine Mocca>How can you think that you don't want this? <v Narrator>When Courtney was 9 months old, Maxine started an in vitro fertilization cycle <v Narrator>but abruptly backed out. <v Maxine Mocca>I didn't want to face the possibility of a failure. <v Maxine Mocca>And I called, I told Chris that night about 10 o'clock. <v Maxine Mocca>I said, I can't do this. I just can't. <v Maxine Mocca>He said what do you mean can't do this? We've come this far. I said I've got- I have to <v Maxine Mocca>be in control here, and I don't want to do it and I just want to stop. <v Narrator>At the moment, Maxine has no plans to resume in fertility treatments. <v Maxine Mocca>I just want to be mom. I just, you know, I just kind of put in fertility on the back <v Maxine Mocca>burner. And I just want to be like everybody else who has children. <v Narrator>It has been almost a year since Candice Hurley lost her first pregnancy.

<v Narrator>In that time, she encountered another obstacle, ovulation problems, which took 9 <v Narrator>months to adjust. She is now 9 weeks into a new pregnancy. <v Narrator>And today she and Brian will learn whether this 1 is viable. <v Candice Hurley>Once you are pregnant and it <v Candice Hurley>doesn't happen for you, it's, it- I told Brian it took a piece out of my heart. <v Candice Hurley>I don't think I'll ever get back. It was so incredibly devastating after <v Candice Hurley>all those years to finally reach the goal and then have it <v Candice Hurley>taken away from you. <v Doctor Mars>See the heartbeat right there? <v Candice Hurley>I see it! I really see it. <v Doctor Mars>That's probably the baby's head right there. <v Doctor Mars>You're seeing the gestational sac, that's the dark circles inside <v Doctor Mars>the uterus. See the baby moving like that? <v Brian Hurley>I was just asking if it can move, it'sr eally moving. <v Candice Hurley>Is it moving itself? <v Doctor Mars>Yeah it's moving. It's got arms and legs.

<v Candice Hurley>Where are they? <v Brian Hurley>At the arms and legs. <v Candice Hurley>It's going to make Brian cry. He said he if heard about arms and legs-. <v Doctor Mars>That's a baby's head right there. <v Doctor Mars>It's lying on its back. <v Candice Hurley>Are its arms up and its little feet below? <v Doctor Mars>That's usually ?inaudible? <v Candice Hurley>It looks so good to see a heartbeat. <v Doctor Mars>Everything's fine, looks good. <v Brian Hurley>You feel better? It was a long ride up here. <v Candice Hurley>I wouldn't even talk to him. <v Doctor Mars>Everything looks great. <v Doctor Mars>Pretty much gone limit <v Doctor Mars>of everything that could happen to them did. <v Doctor Mars>It's always an emotional situation because you work with patients very <v Doctor Mars>closely for a long period of time and when pregnancy does occur, it's kind <v Doctor Mars>of a family reunion.

<v Candice Hurley>Okay we have a game today that we're going to do on the floor. <v Candice Hurley>Ok? <v Narrator>For the next 12 weeks, Candice's pregnancy continued looking good. <v Narrator>Gradually, she allowed herself to become optimistic. <v Narrator>She started buying maternity clothes and planning time off of her school duties as a <v Narrator>speech therapist to get ready for the baby's arrival. <v Candice Hurley>I had felt kind of little twinges and <v Candice Hurley>I decided that I would call my doctor and tell him that I I couldn't put <v Candice Hurley>my finger on it, but I just had a feeling something was wrong. <v Narrator>Candice soon learned that something was indeed very wrong. <v Candice Hurley>So I was in labor and I was getting ready to give birth basically, <v Candice Hurley>and I was 21 weeks pregnant. <v Candice Hurley>So, of course, I was scared to death. I just thought, no, not again. <v Candice Hurley>How could this happen to me? <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>If left unattended with no supervision, <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>one would see inevitable delivery, and being that she's only 21,

<v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>22 weeks, the baby would surely die because of prematurity. <v Narrator>Candice's obstetrician Peter Anzaldo specializes in high risk pregnancies. <v Narrator>He believes her latest complications are the result of her mother's having been treated <v Narrator>with a drug called DES while she was pregnant with Candace. <v Narrator>DES was thought to prevent miscarriages. <v Narrator>In fact, it caused a variety of reproductive problems in the daughters of women who <v Narrator>took it. <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>We've seen DES-exposed women who get pregnant and have <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>problems all along for miscarriages to premature births to incompetent <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>cervix. <v Narrator>Now, Candice is faced with spending the remaining 3 months of her pregnancy in bed. <v Narrator>Twice a day, she uses a home monitoring system so that her contractions can be followed. <v Narrator>And she takes a drug called terbutaline every 2 hours night and day to relax her uterus. <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>With the care that she's getting my goal is try to achieve

<v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>a a gestation in which the baby would live, i.e. <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>30, 32 weeks. I would say over 95 percent of the babies would do fine if she <v Doctor Peter Anzaldo>were to be born prematurely. <v Candice Hurley>After a couple days, I just kind of get stubborn, which has always helped <v Candice Hurley>me through this. And thought I'm not going to let this beat me. <v Candice Hurley>I'm going to- if they have to hang me upside down at the hospital, I'll do it. <v Narrator>Since the unsuccessful GIFT attempt 2 years ago, Elaine Gordon has gone through <v Narrator>2 more procedures with Dr. Mars. <v Narrator>She finally became pregnant, but the embryo implanted in the tube rather than the uterus <v Narrator>and both the pregnancy and the tube were lost. <v Doctor Mars>Elaine's a veteran of the infertility wars. <v Doctor Mars>She's been through everything that a woman and a man can go through. <v Doctor Mars>And yet they've failed and we failed. <v Doctor Mars>That leads to to the to the bottom line issue.

<v Doctor Mars>And that is that even though these technologies can do certain things for certain people, <v Doctor Mars>that doesn't mean that everybody can accomplish a pregnancy from <v Doctor Mars>in vitro fertilization or gamete into fallopian tube transfer or <v Doctor Mars>intrauterine insemination or surgical microsurgical correction <v Doctor Mars>of the fallopian tube. <v Doctor Mars>They're just not that perfect. <v Elaine Gordon>It's gotten a lot easier for me with time. <v Elaine Gordon>A lot easier. I mean, there's a real likelihood that I will never have a biological <v Elaine Gordon>child and I'm really at peace with that. <v Elaine Gordon>That doesn't mean that I don't want one. But I'm real, you know, my life will go on. <v Elaine Gordon>It'll be fine. <v Edwin Greenberg>Being a father has <v Edwin Greenberg>really eclipsed many of the issues that I <v Edwin Greenberg>initially had before I was really involved in fathering as <v Edwin Greenberg>Lindsay has grown older. <v Edwin Greenberg>I'm just more more thrilled to <v Edwin Greenberg>be able to be a protector and nurturer and someone who plays with her

<v Edwin Greenberg>and teaches her and does all those kinds of things. <v Edwin Greenberg>And, you know, when she says, oh, daddy, I love you so much, it <v Edwin Greenberg>tends to make everything all right. <v Edwin Greenberg>It's not as I don't feel any twinge. <v Edwin Greenberg>I still have that twinge. <v Edwin Greenberg>That, that feeling of discomfort. <v Edwin Greenberg>But, I mean, I can live with it. <v Narrator>Elaine is considering another in vitro attempt. <v Elaine Gordon>I don't think it has the tremendous negative impact on my life, so it's not a big <v Elaine Gordon>deal to do it anymore. The infertility experience seems to grow way <v Elaine Gordon>out of proportion and it's consuming. <v Elaine Gordon>And there is- and you can't see anything else but infertility. <v Elaine Gordon>I always talk to people about something being second choice and second best. <v Elaine Gordon>Lindsay, you know, was a second choice in terms of how we got <v Elaine Gordon>her. She's certainly not second best. <v Elaine Gordon>I mean, there's nothing better than Lindsay as far as I'm concerned. <v Elaine Gordon>But you can't tell anybody that. I didn't know that until after she came into my home.

<v Elaine Gordon>Everybody has to come to that in their own way. <v Narrator>Terri Phillips resumed medical treatment, intrauterine inseminations with Maurice's <v Narrator>sperm a year ago. She soon became pregnant. <v Narrator>Now Terri and Morris have a new baby. <v Narrator>3 week old Kenzie. <v Terri Phillips>We went into it the second time around with kind of a different attitude. <v Terri Phillips>Since we had Marissa, it wasn't so intense like this <v Terri Phillips>month, I have to get pregnant and if I don't, I'm just going to feel like dying. <v Terri Phillips>I mean, I felt like that before for like 2 years every <v Terri Phillips>month. <v Maurice Sanchez>I don't think I'll ever forget that because it was such a such an important <v Maurice Sanchez>experience to us. And now that we have the kids, I think that that it was all worth it. <v Terri Phillips>I feel more a part of what's going on out there. <v Terri Phillips>You know, I'm sure people didn't look at me and think of me as being different, but I

<v Terri Phillips>just felt that way. And I feel like I found a part of me <v Terri Phillips>that was missing. <v Narrator>A year after their failed in vitro attempt, Cathy Mallon and Fred Wolke will <v Narrator>be having a baby. <v Cathy Mallon>This is the first ultrasound. This is the first time we saw our baby. <v Cathy Mallon>And it doesn't look very exciting. But it was it was the most, I think, 1 of the <v Cathy Mallon>most wonderful days of my life. The little arrow is showing it has the uterus in this <v Cathy Mallon>tiny little blob at the top there is our baby. <v Doctor Wolke>I had this tremendous sense that my life had changed, that I had been let off this <v Doctor Wolke>somewhat cruel merry go round where everyone in the world seems to be able to <v Doctor Wolke>get pregnant at the drop of a hat and it just wasn't happening for for us. <v Birthing coach>We don't want to curve the back down, 1 2 3 and then straight. <v Cathy Mallon>Normal people, you know, have babies and they go to the ?inaudible?

<v Cathy Mallon>classes. It's nice just to be able to be a normal person, getting fat like <v Cathy Mallon>everybody else and getting prepared. <v Narrator>Though he is a specialist in male infertility, Dr. Wolke was in the end <v Narrator>dependent on a gynecologist and an experimental technique to overcome his problems. <v Doctor Wolke>At the time of in vitro fertilization, the doctor <v Doctor Wolke>took some of my wife's follicular fluid and refrigerated it and saved it. <v Doctor Wolke>The cycle of insemination that we had, the semen was prepared using my wife's human <v Doctor Wolke>follicular fluid. And so my sperm was incubated in her follicular fluid and then <v Doctor Wolke>inseminated and it worked. <v Narrator>Maxine's son, Cory, is now 2 and a half years old. <v Maxine Mocca>I knew he was there. I've been around a lot of women that <v Maxine Mocca>have their children in preschool with Cory that are pregnant or have just recently had <v Maxine Mocca>children. And it's surprisingly it hasn't bothered me at all.

<v Maxine Mocca>And I think because now I'm it's I'm almost validated <v Maxine Mocca>as a parent now. I'm really you know, I have a child I raised till 2 and a half. <v Maxine Mocca>He's now in preschool. I mean, doing all the things that I would normally have done if I <v Maxine Mocca>had had a biological child. There's no- the the adoption versus biological. <v Maxine Mocca>There's no there's no difference. And I guess I can finally see that. <v Candice Hurley>The minute I saw him I knew I was going to be okay. <v Candice Hurley>Even though it was scary how early. It just looked like a little healthy baby. <v Candice Hurley>Just tiny. And they put him up on me right away, which was like <v Candice Hurley>they do normal people, you know. <v Candice Hurley>And that was so nice. All worth it. That was the first <v Candice Hurley>thing I said, it was worth everything. <v Narrator>5 and a half years after Candice and Brian began in fertility treatments, Kelan

<v Narrator>Hurley was born. He came 6 weeks early, weighing 5 pounds, 10 ounces. <v Narrator>At 32 weeks, Candice had contractions that couldn't be stopped at home and so spent the <v Narrator>final 2 weeks of her pregnancy in the hospital. <v Narrator>By the end, she had developed gestational diabetes from the medication to hold off labor <v Narrator>and an inflammation in her esophagus from lying in bed so long. <v Narrator>But she and Brian had their baby. <v Candice Hurley>Brian hasn't stopped crying the whole time. <v Candice Hurley>He loses it a lot. <v Brian Hurley>I know, I'm trying not to start crying again. <v Brian Hurley>It's just inconcievable that- <v Announcer>Expecting Miracles on KCET Journal was made possible in part

<v Announcer>by a grant from the Goodman Family Foundation.