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jazz pal not married made the love of her life in nineteen seventy two and he was just perfect except when he drank alcohol transformed him from a gentle soul who would bring janice roses to an angry sometimes raging man but love can have a way of working itself out a few years into their marriage made was arrested for robin utility company and was sent to prison for eight years janice now sixty four holds through the memories of those years and she does need stilley letters from prison that this is a letter from nineteen eighty six made was in haymarket virginia is a mad here's why i received your letter expressing a delight of our left we get there should be joy our hearts in remembering shared moment i received a letter every day every day he was a nonstop talker i caught him his deceptive because he talked on and on an ointment on initially when he first went to jail i read all those letters over norm but
then they start to come and so frequent and every day and forth that pages in all of legal paper money we met i would have brought you the best the very thing and taking you around the world you know i was a center i had a desire to give you every pleasure that you had ever dreamed about having as some x rated who were their lustful couple before he went to prison into midtown manhattan think it was weird but obviously it is where tell people will be intimate two and three times a day and so when he went to prison and i didn't know what i was not i was just go bananas and he did too he said i don't know what we're going to do training i had to see him when he was into the rolled can't i was not supposed to meet him but this was something we da he was
able to know where he would be in some tears actually he would get to that location because he was upset and maybe a restaurant or but only on the corner and he would have some change is something he comes to be and down the street from the job can you run down here for a minute or i'm going to be at work tomorrow you think you may become a thing i would always bring whatever i could you know and i'd i would leave stuff in the well whatever was he would immediately form that was beer bring us their words a shirt so whatever you know it's a lot of attitude you see when i pass by two bullets right to worry that as stanley and talk to warn you know like to summit walk in on how we talk to a babysitter remain in a year when arab monitors drug all about me run amman things like that it is we have to do which is where the opportunity presented with
an i was unfaithful wife and have something whenever he was working with the bureau sanitation he was the maintenance man so the crew would go out they would leave him at the office or they have this was like a ten feet at a nighttime affects me talk about you know it's only our time things that don't make sense that he would give his gloves and he was shown out of plantations and i would have a picnic basket with the blanket in it and i would have drinks and glasses and we were golden the voodoo down in the whoops and does that was there when i would visit him in prison in visiting areas that visitors coming in a cough so you should get there early and active back table for julia because the wall or in some package that would be by this away from the guards and they returned with the room can feel like i would wear wide skirt one of those like a
ballerina scared the widest one city caf and no underwear finland argue that to do was to sit really close to me and you know he'd heard me and things that then we'd learn self control way no scream and how you just breathe in you know uk attracting attention off i i was i had bought him a cassette player and i brought the tapes because he would make tapes bring not to picnic area when it would have outlined plans to date he like balloons and has a different dates to do dance of the blue facade dirty dancing for listener nancy wilson as one of two step they cannot really like the last hours are
around me along was very pleased those eight years that names in prison one day anyway was every night and the nice things that i thought that you know i had angered hammond one of those occasions we were having a visit and that he had too much to drink i had brought and they had little aspirin bottle that i had gotten in maine and i would put it in his cellar finally liked the ad was made news and the u out there without he's made in your exes and i know you do and this new dueling nicknames drawn back to this announcement and the violence thing god that it was a positive at his biggest
muslim immigrants would get his ged and his prisoner alcohol anonymous in it enhanced healing an actor and then once they were having an affair for chiat alcoholics anonymous and they had awards and things like that won an award the dance scenes <unk> after the years i went up to visit him and one of the inmates walked up to him he's a congratulation one hustles really met with them because you want to let me know that the release date had come through and that he would become home so i have think about just get the house ready so that he could come only when he had a prison you start drinking again it was just insanely when he was driven by dr jekyll instead he was on ed beans with like i hated to come home because this other person was and i'd have to go on the bedroom and not war but the doctor was a
dresser in front of it and eating insisted on on the bedroom door he didn't hammer and you break and he'd come and at play you a mile wide that paid for you and that is why they use oh my most precious years with him because i didn't have to hear the arguments and even you know if he was drinking and he wasn't drink and he was just the perfect guy is just perfect our relationship blossomed while he was in prison while he was in prison last year and john jemison five more years with made before he died of a heart attack one day i'm at the town no sir crying mama may be a
crying owner cloning volume maybe even over in hong kong what happens when you love someone and you know the best thing for them was to let them go ten years ago jennifer garcia she asked that i not use her real name found herself unexpectedly pregnant she was a twenty year old college student working to support herself and her then boyfriend made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with being a father jennifer felt she had no one to turn to and use it again la county why not have my whole life tell me there is no reason you should ever get pregnant of or like liberia i'm very close to my mom but i i didn't want to tell or because c
had such high hopes for me see sees the whole world and me and i know that and i just you know why make her cry in conveying and you feel you get to the grounds now and i became attacks tonight i assume that if they are partaking as soon as i feel i'm overseas active nfl and what i think was that i just in my head just because he's actually kicking me was always about laying down always another ad go to sleep see always felt a weekend undeniable seal is their flats never or white house down until that they left couple weeks away as having a hard time hiding it and i always carry a telephone in the air member at home like i became a test to think that if i mean vivid but it's weird that i always had to have that even as a child
and so she never thought it was weird today now this month's that as brian ellis island then you know i would look and single mothers well think of my own like growing up with my man now ready for like ten and that was a single engine but when i thought about raising her myself i knew that she would have to come along for this ride that i wasn't prepared for and make a million mistakes do they have any money because i didn't have the people to help because i knew that after a while they get tired i wouldn't be the excitement of her female and a baby suit bee had two year old chu the annoying my family doesn't come from money they couldn't support me and to put that burden on my parents was not fair to anybody every time i thought of or reason it cleaner it was selfish and it was on fire
and in the indian ocean amelia a a gramophone look for an abortion clinic has to find out basically all what i go through if i chose that an f kennan that i knew alison something about them until they carry start to feel him and i didn't have an innate care as much as i was paranoid about my cancer ever anyplace it now this really nice grammophon sees the first one that even gave me the thought of adoption when they tell me about the open adoption is when i made my decision and when they said i could see the families and to the families it is currently and i was so excited i chose this one and you have this family and i like them i feel good about them and i just loved the mother
she was independent and strong and countless yes he was and a house life and when i thought of my daughter and i want her to be proud of her mind a guy tj i'm already try this one then they laughed and i said this is in that they are going to be a family that was in areas like out wrong and a coworker who was a doula and mine why were the women go to is that i didn't forget about the america that this whole time as he has a dilemma south and ceo sees that one day glo and she's like you're praying in area and oh yeah i need your help to see the first one i told and that was four weeks before i had my daughter and see one talk to her own mother she
respected melissa mackey of them find out she new book making its bases they found out that i was south dakota town it was the worst thing to happen to the whole idea now in time to me i see me cry i'm so this was hurt and disappointed and shocked and angry she was angry she was a man in dallas so salmon my man one day she called me and she goes a deal i meet for lunch and i said yes well i the titanic down times when i want to explain that there was that was sorry and that it wasn't anything that she did or didn't do
because there's that was my own doing in my own i'm a charity i feel like a heavy once and we cry and we talked about it and it seems so good right after that speech is why it can mean one you know everything and what she did at that point she just accepted the situation and never ever did she get her own thoughts to iran may twelfth at for twenty in the morning in his mother's day of that year two thousand to and i i just you know it's so weird that it would she be born on mother's day in high end there was and just my mama's immigrant caught a mom and i'm like okay i have this is a steam train hide
and seek a mate away i wear my mom walked in and i don't look at a man like of the diary but unlike those iaea new memoir make fun of people who have their pants and dave brubeck and at one time a man and i needed an nc think i have felt when she harmony and at that time i was fine and they can even discourage it says six pounds six ounces the most beautiful thing and arab emirates seem and and really these you know beautiful thing i ever had to exist on the planet won them and how theyre for the first time since a static pricey and ceiling kind a mutt or over too many things his very very tough setting tv could believe it the way she felt that she how that she loved it just like a grandmother to my mom didn't hold back now so in that time i was getting nervous they can't keep him in the hospital my daughter to leave
my side we would stamp on might i would hold out and i i knew that at any moment i could just pull the whole thing can just say forget it i can't do this and i would just think of course i want to go home but what about the next day and in a month from now and again it was not about me it wasn't about my mom it was about her and her life that her right now in that day that i placed and they started cod to dress or she is leaving a bike record on her and put in a car seat and they all left the room selected to signify and i just how then i taught to write is whatever note that she would always known me and there
was her mother and they are known to take their for me an unknown i ever wanted and i prayed every day that island that she would understand my decision the last thing i said to overstate their loved her more than anything to win going home that night and i just sat on the couch and cried and i screamed and i felt like someone had ran there their hands around my my body and an hour suffocating and my dad likes army or heard me i remember and told me to bed i don't know how it is going to be for me and my
future i've always dreamed of being a mom and now i don't know if i could i feel she would say to me one day how could you have katie didn't keep me at their mommy i do wonder if their guilt and the honorable besides my own pain with dealing with this without seeing my own daughter affected and tonight my mother had grandchild is it's something i live with every day after i gave birth after she saw her powder torrential filthy and there's a while aids ted explained and now as an atlanta part of her life i didn't give her out i just allowed someone who wouldn't make the same mistakes as i worked with her someone who is prepared it was not because i wasn't willing to give her my whole life it was because i wanted her to have more than i could offer her
i fell to the only man jennifer garcia sees her daughter wants a mob and adoptive parents as jennifer and choose their baby's know named jennifer linger after her mother who amy holmes times love is a way of inserting itself in all the wrong places sometimes you can even shake your face it was nineteen sixty seven and father bob mccorry was the associate pastor at the same
sublime a parish on chicago's south side these were tumultuous time for the parish blacks are moving in which are moving out father mccorry oversaw sinks a binder school and you'll learn that the school had been assigned a new principal a thirty five year old dominican nun sister margaret mccomb ish father mccorry wasn't sense what would a nun for more wisconsin know about running an urban school i recall an evening school board meeting and we said we can't have this so i was authorized to send a telegram and they give them please don't serve her sister because this is a delicate situation and we need to keep someone who knows what to do they didn't write back they just said which is that margaret i was called her the mother house and told that i would be assigned to censor miners in chicago i was arguing that i was not able or ready to do this and they said oh don't worry there's a wonderful young trees there and he will be of great help to you father mel clark my only reaction to meeting her the first
time the pastor was interviewing her and i walked into the room and i thought she looked like somebody i could work with i guess i always that elder his job i'll do my job and it stays out of my way everything will be fine but the situation was such that she was new to this incredible upheaval that was going on in the school and in the parish so it was necessary that it was the local priest in charge of the school at that point i had to you know explain things to where i can remember times when i was taking knives away from kids in school and then calling him and saying get over here are we going to do with this another time no one called me up he was very angry with something i had done its going to colleges can call urban league on me i had no idea what the urban league was so then again i'm on the phone without saying without him a poor excuse me are saying what we do next i guess i picked out his enthusiasm for the parish and for the
people and he was so dedicated to these families he was out visiting them in the hall as he was teaching them he knew everybody by name she was just very very sensitive to the people whom i had already been struck that she was really a beautiful person but i would say more by her personality was beautiful and i wasn't you know measuring beauty in those terms at that time when i arrived there we were wearing a dominican habit which was a long wait to the floor down and a black veil and a white headdress that covered everything except europe i see your nose practically catholic kids used to kind of joke that there were three genders of human being stores men and women and nuns all you could see was just the features of their face and that much of that either because they were covered by
and there are a couple of years ago bob took an assignment to go to europe for a couple weeks and i remember writing to him there in europe this going on on about all the stuff that was happening at the school and then i remember waiting to hear back and how excited i was to hear from him and i knew i was over in holland and the air force chaplain who was driving me around we're looking at the beauties of holland and i was thinking you know what would be great if sister margaret was here to enjoy this tune up you know in the past when you go on a vacation or you're someplace you don't say i wish my sister was with me and then we exchanged letters over there and i just remember reading her letter with trembling hand but yeah the years here sixty seven through nineteen seventy four years of great change in the church a lot of priests were affected by that i certainly was so that
my close knit dedication to everything the church said that had been shaken a diminished the second vatican council head removed a lot of the eternity to rules and regulations people were thinking about a lot of different ways of looking at religion and looking at relationships so all of that was part of the mix remember talking about other priests we were absolutely convinced that greece would be allowed to get married within oh four or five years at that time it seemed just obvious i hadn't been that some binders for more than a week and this young man came to the door and an artist himself and he was the reverend bob keller who was the pastor of the methodist church on the street and he came in he decided to do some self he wanted to how welcome me to the area and what we found out and we got to know them very well is that by rosemary color were
married had two children they lived down the street and you can help and noticed that they were doing the same kinds of things in the community that we were doing and they were married and had children and i had never worked with another married couple who were dedicated to religion and it just started things in the back your mind that things could be different my dad was the recent years in hospitals and sweet moments and you know i used to talk a moment about remember one sunday he was really getting second was thought that he was going to die and i was just really down and she was attending a conference of like forest hand i called him a couple of times while i was up there just to see how things were she called or i called color how he was and i said just whisper the moment when images come up and maybe we can get a sandwich some talk about this i felt great and we had dinner and i didn't think a lot about it
but then i found myself getting very nervous as the time came that he was coming and i'm just like what am i doing and what's going on here so i drove up a bitter public forest and we drove around found a little restaurant called the saratoga first time we ever sit down the just the two of us we went to their head a wonderful talk and almost everything was set just reverberated in my school and i just remember there was a very very good deal the last supper and it was it was absolutely overwhelming it was a point where we began to feel that we were moving in a new direction we went to visit of a former sister and we were driving back after talking to her we had just come back from visiting a friend of mine who i had entered the community with and she had left the community and that was very hard on me because she and i had been very close and it was like wait a minute what is she
doing and why am i still here and then on the way home i stopped at a stoplight and i said name a clear my throat and i said you know all i think i'm falling in love with you and there was dead silence just dead silence that almighty god what have we gotten themselves into chris christie there was a lot of talk about relationships than with women in those days was a book written about the third work and that was that the first way was sold this very
second word is marriage than was talk about a third way that men and women could have beautiful celebrant relationships and work together week we know that that something was happening and we also knew that we were both totally dedicated to what we were doing and this third way was sort of a way out i always used to listen to rock and roll songs on the radio ever since i have been ordained just you know to be aware of what kids were listening to then suddenly i'm listening to the lyrics and thinking yeah isn't that beautiful i mean it's corny rock lyrics were speaking to one that it really hit me it's a song i know has been nominated as one of the worst songs something of
an idea that came out and i took so long listen to profile very moving and that stuck with is that this was a time that we might not ever have again but at that point it was very clear that that's what triggered it for most of this was around nineteen sixty nine i got a call from the priest where word of appointment and they said would you consider taking a position at such and such a parish and i remember him calling me and saying that they were thinking of changing into another parish and i remember very clearly on my heart is sinking because i just cannot imagine working there without him being there i think with both started to think
that we got something here thats very very precious and are we willing to just say one to go you're concerned about moving away from the commitment that i made very seriously for fourteen years before that or my parents go to say one of my former pastor going to say it was very difficult to leave this institution that had taken care of me for all these years at that time a lot of sisters were leaving your meringue priests and it was scandalous my father and i told him i was leaving a community he said well that's fine but just don't marry a priest was absolutely terrifying would seem to me like the terror was muted by this kind of soft light what it was was margaret and i remember one priest i talked with and he
said you've got to listen to this this is god speaking to you in a whole new way and you can't just walk away from it and that was very freeing for me because i was struggling to walk away from it and i i knew i couldn't i felt it would be wrong i mean i really came to inclusion it would be wrong to just let this go in the name of the commitment that i had made therefore you know i did everything possible to seek to be relieved of that commitment because i simply thought to just pass this off would be a legal thing to do when i told her sisters and the community that i was leaving i decided it would be very proper of me to go and visit my overly cousin who was dominican out in river forest so i gathered up all my courage to tell her about god and i got there and she was very much into talking about herself and her
problems and so i didn't tell her so i went home and i wrote her a letter and she wrote back and said well i hope you have better luck keeping your second set of vows and you get your first i was devastated in order to local even in order to get permission to be dispensed from your priestly obligations you have to see the cardinal cardinal john cody at that time so it was great fear and trembling i made an appointment went down to his house to see him and members sat me down his very cordial he said well i suppose this is bad news and i said well i may have considered this and thought about it and prayed about it and i am convinced at this point that i need to leave the priesthood and at that point as i recall he said something like well i suppose you're going to get married and you know and i say well let's you know quite likely and it didn't show much reaction and he said no you would say it's a by marginalizing the us and use and how are the collections
going there in iceland you know i we're really wasn't a lot of attention at the consumer collections and he said i think the collections are really opting to me i'm a citizen the other room and comes back with the official record collections in his video definitely they're up i'm really impressed with it and he talked in this vein for a while many said well i suppose if you're leaving and you will be leaving any help young with my overcoat model a single block and i thanked him the purpose be working for the catholic school office and i had told her father clark who was my boss that i was leaving and i was gonna marry father bob mcclaren few days later cardinal cody was in the office and found a car told me later that he was going down the aisle looking into the cubicle saying which one issue
if we could have gotten married and still retain their own positions i mention week we would have you know in no way would i have thought that leaving their religious community was leaving my faith and that's one of the reasons we went through all the proper channels to get all the permissions that we needed to do this it's been very important to us were still both very involved in church affairs and people are certainly in iowa when he did that suddenly the church and i was a i'd never left the church they said well of course you did you were a priest and he left and i said when a person resigns from the army he does not seize to be an american i was still a catholic still believe in the things of the catholic church but i was moving out of the army so to speak of the priesthood and i have no sense of having dropped out of catholicism out of christianity you may be understood in all those years when i was working in the
priesthood i felt i never really knew what the loneliness was until i met margaret and matt and i never knew i was lonely i was involved in all this stuff going on the visit was a kind of a unique sort of pain in there you're so that i never interpreter that his loneliness i just thought all people felt that way all of a sudden it's gone just gone for the fulfillment of that love was just overwhelmed or will celebrate this is and low flow from a connection defined only by lineage
to my show is alina high energy outward bound instructor he was raised by his mother and eventually a stepfather as well both of an adored him peter knew little about his biological father only that he lived in new orleans and that he wanted nothing to do with this i'm a few years ago peter decided to head to new orleans for the jazz festival and to make contact with his father but peter quickly learned that he had died of cancer in just a couple of years earlier when i found out that he had brain cancer and immediately wanted to know more about it and what i really wanted to know is did my thoughts go father something that i should we be worried about that what that could come out of me being related to this man with jeans and i carry that was the original reason the original curiosity and investment income secondly when i found out that my dad had died i wrote was in a state of shock i remember that i was sort of floating
and very disconnected didn't like all of a sudden i'd worked up the courage i think anybody died there was this guy who didn't care for me at all but for some reason i guess i cared about i remember her time as yourselves right and my mom put me in touch with a friend of hers jerry keating was also front of my father air and i called him and he explained that my boss or father had married a woman on his death and that he thought maybe i should meet with her
when the meeting for breakfast one of the first things that he said this is amazing how much body type facial structure all very much just like him she was very upfront with a very straightforward i she told me that my father was an amazing men and at the same time it could be a huge asset and we sort of left with that and she again extended for me to come back to haunt and suggested that may i committee chair funded job at the jazz festival she thought that that would be great i could stay with her for an extended period of time and ended up in the job through jazz muscle it's sort of my father's be happening at arizona area that you'd hang out during the festival he had also somehow managed to create a physician forms of marla was at jazz fest and knew all the people that work there
and they'll name him and i remember sort of that first day where the receptionist is taking me out and to the fairgrounds where they set up and walked up and the guy whose tenets as me it michael foley son know it ever said that before and i never knew what i got myself into you know my father's desk top of my dad and the inner city endured and stories of talk about work that even kids and his energy they call him speak as he was always on the go moving moving moving that sort of fits right in with you am i was starting to realize that i was really part of this guy whose party doesn't sell them a deadly game and i sing to play a fair amount of game where you make a
circle with your index finger and your family have told a w a sudden somebody looks at it you got is he played it in quite a bit i played a game before i met anybody knew my bed and when i met with his best friend he and i continued that we had a conversation where he told me that my dad had known about me and my dad talked about me and that her that meant that he knew everything that was going on he knew it was my birthday every august tenth i never did anything about it actually the first is working to jazz festival i came home for a state and there was a letter for me short typed note and said hi my name is katie foley i think i'd really like to get together it if you want so i figured what the hack and
went to dinner and i basically got our half family history lesson about everybody on that side of the family are rumors same issues what her brother and music we hear that as it sort of validated some of the feelings that this really wasn't getting it done and to hear that from his sister just talked about her mother who lived in chicago who had also heard this information that i was out there and we should very excited to me the solitary and his family was very excited to see me after all these years of feeling like that part of it didn't get into a park the following summer who was overjoyed to meet
me and i really felt like i sort of just let my grandmother and we had dinner on tv and savages chatted she wanted to know everything about me i stayed at her house for night which i don't think was long after her mission and it's a much longer i'm interested anyway why my dad did everything that he did i think i've come a new line is he's scared scared of losing freedom set as a sort of free flowing in to see than me i can see where it came from and starting with death row and i'm taking it slowly and i mean huge rush and cuddle our family that is love me for twenty years ago watermen nominees work which is also something that i learned through this process i think i'm going to fire my
dad's family and all his friends in rooms i learned that there is a lot of that connection that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the physical presence of anyone but it's more of jeans and genetics that i had this family allows me simply because i'm part of their blood is a login the path to peace it's b it
in the early nineteen nineties matilda de la sierra served as the doctor for poor mayan village in guatemala it was important work but the guatemalan government considered such activity subversive and so on a january night in nineteen ninety four to soldiers a customer told a and raped and tortured her for her own safety she fled her country and ended up in a refugee center in chicago where she met an american volunteer benjamin's are though jim took a liking to mathilde a budget that point you believe that love had been taken away from her for ever as the horrors of the january ninth street with that i wanted them to kill me after day of the double bill seems to me i asked them that night to remember why don't the damn thing all we're not quite a kill you because that is not the art there after that they was like i don't want any body just to me
women man nobody i just wanted to be my by mice i think i did you know i wasn't terribly hawking lot of mormon was buried geraghty an estimate now in school to me was like what you know miss something the country you know love doesn't excuse to just a warrant be the first few times that i summoned to lay was a couple ties i tutor kids in the dining room and i remember going down there and start seeing mcilvain the distance and wondering if i would get to learn sort of being jealous of the person that did get to her i didn't know anything about her story but i just couldn't imagine that her story was a difficult one i really tried to make her laugh i remember once he gave the
money he actually ended up my roommate he just showed the bonnie and whenever she smiled her her face lit up seemed to me less many easy to do it in front of him to mae west wow i am asking my friends hanging man the main line in the first time he said we actually had a conversation together does the two of us i asked her call she was in at the time she was thirty three and he said he was forty four years of her age and he didn't say it just artists and i'm four years old then that way i was on that that he would give
find that they say well it's okay if i have a friend actress on that they can talk to that know more than that in january of ninety seven months til they moved back to arizona and that's where she came into the status or arizona so the night before she went beck arizona we're together in my car i asked her if we could be more than friends and he said no there's another man i was like okay this really had never heard talk about another man so yes i say that is the bottom line and that way maybe when the rain and that's a lot of people that i know said well you know it's pretty clear that she's not really interested in or maybe she just kind of like going and just be a friend but something inside amy said no and i think it hurt sharing with me about guatemala well i remember
one day we're sitting in the garden and she is we say we are spoken spanish together and she used the word be allowed which in my mind was i quickly violated usage is violated and i didn't connect right away what she meant it when i looked up in the dictionary that's the spanish word for rape and of course it helped me in a big way also to understand her not wanting me to get too close to her or her not wanting us to be more than france arizona she was hoping that she would be there for a short time and then she would go and work and to rule in a mission as a doctor and none of that really came true and she and busing tables in a casino restaurant and with a hard time for me and wins the same day long and do you want less less and saw it i would call her summer conversations were harder for me
listen to another and just in terms of hearing about what she was having flashbacks and no one was there with her when i had that flies that i am livin the same experience that i have that right during that my visits to her i started realizing also that there were certain things that they call trigger is we're in a grocery store and buy the wine section or something and i said something about the nation by about wine and she just sort of went frozen just sort of had to lean up against one of their freezers or something and then afterwards she told me that the two men had been drinking one evening when outside of the beautiful arizona evening in in january and we sort of put a blanket on the grass and they just kind of laid down to look up at the stars and it was a full moon and we had to turn and look in a different way because it was the night of recharge saws i get a sense meeting her early on even though
she was so tim and so shy that there wasn't like a hidden strength in her i think that's what drove me to continue calling her to volunteer zone and visit her after him until they've been out in arizona for year and two months nothing was materializing so she came back well she came back on mar seventeen on april fourth she was at my apartment and yet we're sitting here sitting on the couch just talking and i just leaned over and mattel they'd yes and she didn't reserves and he she kissed me back then kiss was definitely the beginning of us being together om one of the ways that it time to the law makes its allies when james hahn made that he wanted to carry my painful all with me that people that he's
telling me oh sure and get out all your path and i'll just leave depression and that i could not do that my path is my breath and the fact that they continued having threats batson and to me it's like too and my people my niamh people and he's with me he's not like running no there haven't times or it's been very difficult sharing many many many years with mick foley but there's also been tremendous joy four key in my path was and i mean the patient to tell me yes he loves me wrong jim hi matilda more merry men
whom sometimes the very same forces that septa love from people can restore it several years after her divorce robin o'hara moved to oak park to try to get on with her life her ex husband had found a place a few blocks away to be close to his two daughters their old as fourteen year old lana was an astonishingly responsible child but overwhelmed by the insecurities of adolescence and a new high school later fell prey to the charms of a local drug dealer within a matter of months she became addicted to heroin and so robin an ad for desperately to get their daughter back one morning robin couldn't wake or she had overdosed the outlook was bleak
the doctor suggested dead and robin that they should let lane a dog that she would never recover that she would never even know who her parents were but robin resisted the advice from the beginning you love your child because a mirror they know you you know that and that's what's important i know elaine i'm elaine issues my daughter i want to take your current she doesn't know me it doesn't really rare and i thought like i was fighting off all these people including yet it's a tough situation where at that point with her own child i was really to local so i just was going to launch and my arm i knew that she was responding because the way she was flown to relate which is being cast you know how your child moves and i saw her weight flinching and she didn't like it was hurting her they said that we should remove respirator so i had no problem agreeing with this because there was a part of me that i knew that she was going
to break and it's it was a tough position because were your hopes issue is they shouldn't be in a vegetative state for her whole life they removed or for one hour the first day to ours the second day she was breathing right but still in the back of our minds was her condition brain damage she came to live with me for six months and from this brain injury a lot of things happen to people actually get to uncontrollable muscle spasms which causes a lot of pain so we got our daughter screaming in pain all day an online and that's all i'm not be able to communicate not be able to do anything if you torture should screenplay i want so all of the blame
myself for the situation in iowa's my whole life that there's no way in the world the fiscal ever do trial because she was just a carbon copy of the law solid foundation looks like she was just like but what i really do it was that she wasn't just a card a lot meaner and recovering alcoholic and polly always will be i started using alcohol paul van ai wrestling for thirty years when i got divorced his drinking at this point really escalated and i think that she tried to stop like i think one time she poured your alcohol thomas think any listen to our anchor of a reason to want to stay here because it was one way for a really didn't think i had much to look for him and then she was near salt all of
sudden i'm all that and my daughter is taken my position and now i'm trying to do everything that i can do to try to get back on track to i was very angry and edwin lane and started doing here and i blame for herbie in a household where the streets was going out robin was so angry with me for so long and i was worried what will but once the atlanta get momentarily put together when we found out that she was on the verge of gas all of a sudden we were together again and were not only together again for a few moments a few hours we're together all day and all night we couldn't get her and argue and i could sit there in town what a rotten bombing was always life anymore because we had to put together a mostly because no one lovely as mutts greet you it was extremely generous some really ugly moments suffer need some time to adjust to the idea that this is where i belong
i had my daughter for two months and it was the end of the day it's time to go to sleep those issues won one important that every day and i said prayers with an sos down when he's next to her bed and i i thought of it laughter because you know just have to laugh when people with far the caregiver that i had was standing next me i said did you see that did you see a lamp she grabbed my hand to squeeze my hand we will stand up just like a maze that was having an ally russia before i called robin to tell her i said robin you can't believe this but we've got our daughter back because that was the first real glimmer of hope that my daughter was still there can't move i
can't speak at all she may not be that as much as we like a day but she's here it's the greatest feeling because of disagreements you disarm and i think oh my god he doesn't do anything she doesn't talk like the ones that are the closest to her we all know her and she's their emotions pensions has always wanted us whilst us and like if robin and caregiver ministers talk about something or somebody her eyes just get so big and this is one of the process she starts smile like losing memory loss or if it's really funny the song she's making all a tremendous recovery from i went around crying over you have
a job that for a year and i'd sort of come to the point where the accepted laid out the way he is i feel really been about the dark ages that's what i think you're over the i have no life and i can go out and it's late at night and i don't get my sleeve i do get angry with her you know why did you do this you know why did you put us in the situation our whole lives has completely changed and that i had to stop myself because she acknowledges telling one of all happened i was a really angry i follow i want him the neighbor so they can strangle hear from the wrong thing but on the other hand i always thought i'd just do what i was my daughter you know it was my daughter under any circumstances and maybe that was the wrong thing to do you know i don't know maybe the way she's living now is not a quality of life as they sat but i would rather take care of her then it without her stubborn was a good way to express what we feel for women
because we just won't give up on rock and cares for me and i cared for her and we have a daughter really needs us more now than ever it's just unconditional total acceptance of your family a matter what happens it has been they're very private experience of falling in love can sometimes happen right out in the
open says it helds director of an adult learning programme on chicago's north side runs a writing workshop ordinarily it's a fairly subdued even somber affair but that soon changed with additions of frodo torres and i had rolled out so frida was a former gang member working toward his ged diane as a high school graduate looking to improve her academic skills they met at seasons workshop and soon fell in love susan in the class family sells critiquing poems which turned out to be more than your writing exercises we didn't notice that they were writing to each other a terrorist and let's hope we were critically at like like paul is aware that there were totally oblivious to the fact that there was a deeper communication going on where there's much there's more trains golf was the greatest beauty is to you because the homes were very scared to think that
sometimes like waving from the last of soprano used the phrase soaring above the clouds in beauty and he kept using it every poem sometimes sunshine was added to it and sometimes a birder flour with floater through but he was always a above the clouds in beauty and see picked it up and then it it was like ping pong game with this that phrase combative back and forth between the ability an hour later oh my eyes and say let's write about something besides love until i could take a chair and you can love you can talk about him up to find another way to say you mean you're hired will know how to tell apparently my reaction is part of their love of the father the
american way to happily for me i think of at that all the time you will tell me i've got a new pom pom that i had is that i had this day of theory about the clouds and then they wait for me if i think it's it's almost a ritual now they'll set me up and off of them and then everybody's happy when they produce a tone that doesn't have that and so then they started finding other ways to express the theme each week to writing great idea of a word or a phrase or two and insight holds a fair you have to use these words have to write about something other than the soaring above the clouds message and so one week the phrase his chair and i think you must write about a chair a moment in my chair my sweet and then you're home and when i touch you is so he is i'm from and i really learned about that
he went to mexico in the summer for a month with her mother when she came back we asked her to write about her travels she was born raised in chicago so mexican food has a problem for her and we were all interested in why didn't she like the fruit mexico what was different and so we had to write about it in mexico some people like to eat food with a lot of hot peppers and i like food with only a few hot peppers when i came back home i thought it was happy to see me says he had this little summary of the beginning of the story and then went immediately to see that house she calls afraid of so my house i was very happy with it thank you i'm a case she could not help her sell subscribe and everybody was a little teary eyed and things like grades and
they've survived this awful the case i know that they're perfect attendance has something to do with him being a vis each other here which is a whole new motivation for the lead programme a candidate because he can't just go out it will run he's on probation and it doesn't have the privilege of traveling wherever he wants to go and he has permission to go to school to go to his group meetings to go to his job in that sense so this is this is their relationship and this is where it happens reading as people are coming into signing in getting settled down that people do gather around right outside my cubicle in the evening as for the sighted book is is it's a social time and go they came together and they look like a pair of captivity its embrace canary human urges for something and they stood outside my cubicle and then
he got the little box outage he didn't read her poem he was very formal and just totally loved her and asked for her hand in marriage course all the state isn't the tudors are standing around watching people just frozen watch them except it and burst into tears and then everybody cheered for them so the more sentimental students were crying yeah i think i was stunned this is not what i normally see in donald trump normally we're very granular look we try to be good people have goals may be that it was your job thinking certification or whatever supplies are people trying to make up for things they've lost their lives people come here and they've had hard lives so hardly ever a place where just pure joy blues we have one guy who writes carts to its ship very graphic our stories we have another person who's writing her way through some relationship problems
with a friend on diana being loved and injecting joy on a slow that it's kind of find that have this wonderful little love story jewel where they are and doesn't tarnish sets de stress we get to re people come here and not just focus on themselves potentially clients afraid to be a small part of history now they do a little bit more independent work but it's always directly to each other neither of them writes about anything but their relationship is that they're still writing of poetry and the truth is i don't mind it's wonderful to see the writing it's wonderful see them happy and as a teacher anything mesa right is that he and their right is improving so what else that i asked for her with the help of the group saying no find another way to
say this you don't have to repeat the word above seventy eight times and fifties line poem it's a little more sophisticated and it's changing on diana wrote nine where she just in the course of harm shares the smell in the air of a room with him it's a world away in sophistication from her first home i'll never forget that empty by the smell of tea i hate those long columns of dusty light for what khomeini you and i breathe the same breath susan lambert is but the pain it's been
in the past can you ever come to understand love if the life you live requires it's very denial brenda myers was raised by her grandmother in a rough chicago neighborhood and a chaotic household word goldman came in one freely to party and drank some of these men sexually molested brenda by the age of fifteen brenda had two daughters fathered by boys in the neighborhood and she made manger girl's peaches and prunes but knowing that he no longer could withstand the abuse of her grandmother's she left her daughter is with her favorite aunt and then flipped to the streets to practice the only trade that made sense to her good friday nineteen seventy three i went down i put on my little outfit you with new green is lined remain there
and he's ugly only support stockings with their stockings you know if i'm always lipstick and i went down to know if a mark twain will kill on tv isn't inclined to turn the first date with a white cap and down again a car in europe and he said ok how much an item a one hundred dollars and he said honey by eli just one a date which i'll give you forty bucks they say that having learn who teaches the girls i can't exactly three tricks that my eye moment there that was an extremely nice person ese what without going on here what a delight it helps you love being on stage at hit me what was i don't have been a steady calm you know about a friend wanda going but i come to find you know it often lampooned i mean will he sign to be because i used to look out the window and see beautiful
women in class you go you know what they have to do to be faster like i remember men women swaying chili lights away take it any thought i mean and the money and i cannot connect because the minute you take him up in a cell and i remember saying to myself well do because that's what had been happening to me anyway i've got a name from the streets because our my quickness inability to get money and turn tricks i was very faith and i remember once ran a person's pain you just like a breeze london one million ugandan on sand like the reason you really and his dichotomy brings the guys who won the force families then army i dated at least twenty guys in one night from time you know seeing now here it is press charlie who think he can and rock mambo
that's what they wanted and then he married actress i would tell you and how great they were how i look forward to being with them every time and i just couldn't wait for them to come back and see me it i mean in california a lie fantastic i was a prostitute ok let me have a really down at very close relationship he was always they are for me to cry we used to sneak away and party and wooded area then and he made love and death i loved ball but you can't continue to prostitutes three and have a true and honest relationship a couple more
and i came back where to turn again you see you know what i think a lot of laughter i had abandoned it is by getting into it and i felt that was an abandonment of my children i didn't want to feel anything i'm delighted drinkable first delighted drinking and i drank tea wine to cafes and just out smoking crack cocaine sundays as they just dragged me and me because i look so they both made tense when i really wanted to die in a game
winning duties anymore and i asked col mike you called i can't phone and just hold the phone and listen to them say hello to me and eighties the hello hello who is this and you have that right there what made me feel good you know think because it had a fourth didn't get out today and i want to know how to tell you how you we hear now i want to know their that was on the top and just when they think that i have nothing to talk there are and they're being california and they weigh and identified what have they they're like sci tech mean literally as beer bottles you broke the faces i lost so much blood a car and one thousand die and i ended up in a
shelter after being in the hospital for five days yet in a broom closet in his shelter without any food because they forgot i was there there was some the people in the shelter just go into all of their allotted down i got to the pay phone and i'm damn it it's number and i talked my aunt sylvia she learned how to manage it or actually talk to and i remember with pain and we love you and remember thinking i think they still love and they love and i do love myself i do love myself you know and i remember after that pointed to the first treatment center in mexico it actually then when i came back a first thing is to be a mother and daughter even non anymore anywhere peaches
peaches like it for twenty five years i was known as breezy now i have cousins who comment on a homemade cousin gravity nebraska why am i had a view of a breezy i buried her and i like to be able to go out and smiling people as this novel because i wanted to get my money you know me but today us now because i feel good about myself i didn't intend to get married one day that's a major goal that it hasn't happened that i'm still around and still win for years
as bees in nineteen ninety seven the cable network amy aired a documentary on physical attraction that feature her and flow levy who had been married for sixty three years the longevity of the levy's attraction still remains a mystery it's of the dna of that this is someone that is a necessary part of your life and the south of the lonely war then the rest nearly three and a half years after the show ran
her review died at the age of ninety five flow and herb's love story or friend said at his funeral was a masterpiece consider this than its afterward flow now lives alone i am now ninety three years old and all of the years that we were married if ever i thought about losing him i thought hey i just couldn't face that i couldn't face living with in the sixty six years that we were married we were never separated we have so much in common weird news junkies we have the news on first thing in the morning and then it would always use me because when there was somebody and who was talking nonsense as far as he was concerned and indeed get upset you say to the tv how do you say that and i say you know money
and he meant a great deal if we were both reading a book if there was something particular that we found interesting we would stop the sec just let me read this to you or he would say that it isn't just can't oddly creative ways of the show his subjects her to have a telegraph at home and he taught me how to tap out because i love you and so that when he would tap about sidney one would be sitting at the table i knew immediately what that message my friends all felt that i was just wild and i was there's no question about it because i get the cookie he could get cleaning up afterwards but this is the things away and he did that allowed
to this day i don't hire news i'm washing it was really treated like it and he's really just sensational even twice the very end that we were listening to the symphony and they were playing music and are the sad event that has any gap but in the bedroom that there was very little group and the prancing away and i said please hug me while i do applaud just wonderful yourself graceful and i and i went like this is shortly before he had to go the hospital nothing nothing don't disappear after he's gone the silence shriek of a
higher this was when i turned off the lights and went to bed there was so much conversation even when we go to bed we still weren't finished talking and suddenly i am all alone and the thought of that and the directness is shrieked i leave at home but i nap tried to carry it along with me when i go out with my friends i've got several friends who just lost their husbands and my idol a life together was much longer than theirs and so that i can't ask for them to sympathize with me because i was very lucky i gave myself some wonderful lectures that i knew i had these wonderful grandchildren once he passed away i found i could do
nothing any little thing that i was shattered because i think her by i need you it i don't know what do about this little by little i have taught myself to handle a few of the things that i was completely dependent and then i practically hurt myself by white to pat myself on the back to say you've learned something else in terms of that i am amazed that i've been able to adjust to these nights i don't like it when i do i have certain special programs that i want our watch my favorite newscaster is at nine o'clock and so there's talking a lot of talking because i have the tv going
into science they spent all our time talking on the telephone my daughter probably cost me on the average of five times a day i have lost a lot of weight since he passed away and she's constantly checking me as so what i've eaten and very often i even tried to think up things to sit out what i've eaten because she won't be happy otherwise ms sanchez this is amazing it up get up during the night and then on my way back to bed sometimes i hear a little a rumbling i don't know where it comes from but that hamas stop that night track because it sounds so
real to me that that i almost feel like he's there and i always focus when i'm going back into bed i find myself looking in the direction where he would be and i almost feel like i'm talking to him as a shock to me that is just go to bed and start all over again with albums it's never going to be easy for the rest of my life but i feel that i was one of the most fortunate women in the world and me almost charm a person like her it's very very i can't state one thing i miss the entire care what you do or your days was very pretty confusing very sensitive to her yes
it does together it's been it's been
Love Stories
Producing Organization
Chicago Public Radio
Contributing Organization
The Walter J. Brown Media Archives & Peabody Awards Collection at the University of Georgia (Athens, Georgia)
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Episode Description
In our everyday personal narratives of love - both romantic and familial - lies the source of every clue about ourselves. It is the most universal of emotions, and yet the most entangled, and sometimes the most elusive. It's what we all seek in life. It bumps up against hostility and circumstance, and while it doesn't always conquer, it's what propels and ultimately guides us. In this series of Love Stories, aired in the Spring of 2003 on Chicago Public Radio, writer Alex Kotlowitz, along with co-producer Amy Dorn, offer a window into the unusual ways some of us think about love. Seeking out stories that explore the idea and experience of intimacy, the producers found Chicagoans willing to examine their closest connections: One man searches for his biological father, only to learn that he's died, and then finds a whole family waiting to love him; love blossoms in a woman's marriage after her husband goes to prison; a Catholic priest and a nun find a different kind of calling; a young woman falls deeply in love with her daughter, but realizes she has to let her go; a Guatemalan woman after being tortured and raped loses her ability to love or be loved, and then slowly finds her way back. Given the emotional volatility of the subject, Kotlowitz and Dorn wanted to tell these stories in the sparest manner possible. They culled hours of interviews into short narratives, introduced by Kotlowitz, but told in the subjects' own voice and words. Kotlowitz and Dorn's singular concern was that the narratives reflect the grace and honesty of those whose stories were being told. These 'Love Stories' aired as part of a special public information series entitled 'Speaking of Sex.' An original production of Chicago Public Radio, this series took on the challenging task of exploring a sensitive topic: the place and power of sexuality in our lives. This special series presented a thoughtful, in-depth look at sex and sexuality from a number of different perspectives: from the role sex plays in architecture, to it's meaning in religious texts, to its role in our relationships. A variety of radio programming comprised the six-week series: documentaries, a town hall meeting, feature reports, and personal narratives ? the 'Love Stories'. As part of the series, the 'Love Stories' sought to explore the idea and experience of intimacy, to extend the idea of sexuality to the nature of the closest connections that undeniably define our lives as human beings. These are, indeed, trying and unsettling times. The world has become a more difficult, if not inhospitable place. In this collection, Kotlowitz and Dorn have sought to look inward, to that most essential of human emotions. It's what in the end gives us succor and comfort from the unpredictable, and it helps give order to our lives.'--2003 Peabody Awards entry form
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Producer: Alex Kotlowitz
Producer: Amy Dorn
Producing Organization: Chicago Public Radio
AAPB Contributor Holdings
The Walter J. Brown Media Archives & Peabody Awards Collection at the University of Georgia
Identifier: 2003_2003026_dcr_1-2 (The Walter J. Brown Media Archives &amp; Peabody Awards Collection at the University of Georgia)
Format: Audio cassette
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Chicago: “Love Stories,” 2003-00-00, The Walter J. Brown Media Archives & Peabody Awards Collection at the University of Georgia, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC, accessed June 9, 2023,
MLA: “Love Stories.” 2003-00-00. The Walter J. Brown Media Archives & Peabody Awards Collection at the University of Georgia, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC. Web. June 9, 2023. <>.
APA: Love Stories. Boston, MA: The Walter J. Brown Media Archives & Peabody Awards Collection at the University of Georgia, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC. Retrieved from