Wrinkles, Birthdays, & Other Fables

<v Speaker 1>This program was made possible by a grant from the 3M company <v Speaker 1>and was produced by KCET Los Angeles, which is solely responsible <v Speaker 1>for its content and method of presentation. <v Child 1>[Music playing in background] I think an old person should be 33 when <v Child 1>they're older. <v Child 2>When you're old, you don't have to work. <v Child 3>When you get old, you shrink. <v Child 4>I think that old people should be with young people. <v Child 5>When you're old, the government pays for everything. <v Child 6>When you're old, you could have grandchildren. <v Narrator>Wrinkles, Birthdays and Other Fables. <v Narrator>With your host, Flip Wilson. <v Flip Wilson>You know, I once knew this guy, and every time we'd be on the elevator together and there

<v Flip Wilson>were some old folks on the elevator, he'd hold his breath. <v Flip Wilson>I could tell he was holding his breath because he'd turned blue. <v Flip Wilson>[Laughter] Now, holding your breath in an elevator to me seemed pretty weird. <v Flip Wilson>Then he'd nudge me with his elbow and he'd whisper, "Hold your breath" One day as were <v Flip Wilson>getting off the elevator. I ask, why do you hold your breath in the elevator? <v Flip Wilson>He said, Because I don't want to catch it. <v Flip Wilson>Catch what? He said, old age. <v Flip Wilson>[Laughter] I said, look, buddy, don't look now, but <v Flip Wilson>I think it's gaining on you. [Laughter] You know what? <v Flip Wilson>It's gaining on all of us. And, well, that's what this show is about. <v Flip Wilson>Old age. The problem in our society today is you go to school, you learn <v Flip Wilson>reading, writing and arithmetic. The four most important things they don't teach you <v Flip Wilson>how to be married, how to raise children, how to make love, and how to grow <v Flip Wilson>old gracefully. Tonight, we're going to talk about how to be old. <v Flip Wilson>First thing you got to do is face it, it's fact and it's got to be faced. <v Flip Wilson>I'm going to face it. I'm going to get old and I'm gonna love it.

<v Virginia>What time will he be here? <v Carrington>I told you 11:30. That's just 5 minutes and they are always punctual. <v Virginia>Why are you whispering? <v Carrington>I always whisper when I'm doing something sneaky. <v Carrington>[Laughter] <v Virginia>What's so sneaky? It was your idea to invite your son and his wife down here to meet me. <v Virginia>So stop whispering. <v Carrington>I didn't tell Martin that you've been living with me for the past three months. <v Carrington>And that's sneaky. [Laughter] <v Virginia>Well, if you're going to tell your son about our relationship, why are we hiding it? <v Carrington>You don't know Martin. Trust me, it's best to take things in stages with Martin. <v Carrington>Let me put it this way for all of his bluster, Martin is not very sure of himself. <v Carrington>You can see he'll boom in here and tell me how great I look. <v Carrington>And then he'll ask with great concern, "How do you feel, Pop?" [Laughter] <v Virginia>All right. But still, I think it would have been simpler by just gotten all my stuff over

<v Virginia>to the storage room and that recreation hall. <v Virginia>Mr. Bemis has always been very sweet to me. <v Carrington>Mr. Bemis is a letch. <v Carrington>Besides, he had to just start the old gossips buzzing about how we'd broken up. <v Carrington>Do it my way. Just this once. <v Carrington>And don't call me Cane in front of Martin. <v Carrington>[Laughter] <v Virginia>I've always called you Cane. <v Virginia>Carrington is a ridiculous name <v Carrington>But Martin'll think we're awfully familiar if you call me Cane right off Virginia <v Virginia>Virginia? What became of your good ole bedmate, Ginny hmm? <v Virginia>[Laughter] <v Carrington>Just be Virginia until he gets used to the idea of our living together <v Carrington>out of wedlock. Then you can be Ginny, gradually <v Virginia>Alright Carrington [Laughter] <v Virginia>Here, tuck these in some place. <v Carrington>We don't have to hide the flowers. [Laughter] <v Virginia>You never had a bloom in the place till I came aboard. <v Carrington>That's true. <v Virginia>Ha ha. [Laughter] Now he'll smell a rat if it suddenly looks like a wedding reception. <v Carrington>Well, we'll just tell him I have an admirer.

<v Virginia>Oh wouldn't you... mwah. <v Carrington>Ginny, don't mention wedding. Martin likes to spring into action and he'll <v Carrington>have us in front of a justice of the peace before sundown if we give him a chance. <v Carrington>[Laughter] So don't. Or your widow's pension or fly right out the window. <v Carrington>[Laughter] Now, skedaddle out of here before they show up. <v Virginia>Aren't we being silly with all this pretense? <v Carrington>Please. Just do it. [Car honking] My way. [Laughter] Use the rear door. [Shuffling and door buzzer] Oh, <v Carrington>[Laughter] Mavis, so nice to see you. <v Martin>Hey, Pop. Oh, <v Martin>you look great. Doesn't he look great Mavis? <v Mavis>Oh, you look just great. [Laughter] And your place is just darling. <v Mavis>You've done wonders with it since you've moved in six months ago. <v Martin>Yeah. I can tell that life here in Hemet really agrees with you, Pop.

<v Martin>It sure does. [Laughter] How do you feel, Pop? <v Martin>[Laughter] <v Carrington>Fit as a fiddle. I find life here most agreeable. <v Carrington>Let me put it this way. Life in Sunny Slope Park is salubrious. <v Carrington>That's from a Latin word, salus, meaning. <v Pam>Hi, grandpa. <v Carrington>Oh, Pammy. Oh, how nice to see you. <v Pam>There was a lady peeking through the window at the back door. <v Pam>I think she was selling flowers, but she hurried away when she saw me. <v Pam>[Laughter] <v Carrington>Oh, that my m- uh, That's uh Mrs. Stokes. Well, <v Carrington>listen, I want to show you something. This is a new chair...[continues talking] <v Martin>See, you were dead wrong. <v Martin>He has no intention of moving back in with us. <v Martin>So will you just relax and let me handle it? <v Carrington>Oh, here, let me take that [Laughter] the closet it is a mess. <v Carrington>[Laughter] Sit down <v Martin>Hey, you know Pop what you've got us playing a lot of games there with that call of <v Martin>yours. Very mysterious. <v Martin>Mavis here thought that you might not be happy here in Hemlet and you might want to move <v Martin>back in with us. But I told her that there was no way that you would do anything like

<v Martin>that. Is there, Pop? <v Martin>[Laughter] <v Virginia>Good morning. <v Virginia>I just picked some fresh flowers. I thought they might brighten up your lu- Oh, <v Virginia>you have company. <v Virginia>This must be your family. <v Virginia>I'm a Carrington's friend, Virginia Stokes. <v Virginia>How do you do? And you must be Martin, his son. <v Virginia>You have your father's eyes. <v Virginia>You really has your eyes, there's no doubt about. <v Martin>Oh, this is my wife, Mavis. <v Mavis>How do you do? <v Martin>Carrington didn't tell me how pretty you are. And who might this be, this <v Martin>grown up young lady? Surely isn't Pam. <v Carrington>Yes, indeed. This is my granddaughter, Pammy. <v Virginia>Charming. <v Virginia>Oh, Cang. uh ?inuadible? <v Virginia>You haven't given your guests any refreshments. <v Virginia>I'm sure you'd like to have something after your long journey. <v Virginia>I can highly recommend Carrington's cream sherry. <v Pam>Uh, Dad there's a coke machine at the recreation center.

<v Pam>It's just down the street. Can I get one? <v Martin>No. Now you just sit down and behave like a lady. <v Martin>You don't have to have a coke every five minutes. <v Virginia>And here we are. <v Martin>Thank you. <v Carrington>Thank you, Mrs. Stokes. [Laughter] <v Pam>Thank you. <v Virginia>Cheers. <v Virginia>Well, have you told them? <v Martin>[With Mavis] Told us what? [Laughter] <v Carrington>Let me put it this way. It's been eight years since your mother passed away, Martin. <v Martin>Yeah, yeah, I know, Pop. <v Mavis>You must miss her terribly. <v Carrington>Very true. <v Carrington>But life goes on. <v Carrington>I know, I know.

<v Carrington>She would would have agreed with what I have to tell you. <v Carrington>That uh, Well, let me put it this way. <v Carrington>Life is for the living. <v Martin>Could you speak up a little? [Laughter] <v Carrington>What I'm tr- trying what I'm trying, what I'm trying to <v Carrington>say is that. Well. <v Carrington>Virginia and I have developed a meaningful relationship. <v Martin>A meaningful relationship? <v Martin>Poppy, you mean that you in Virginia are? [Laughter] <v Mavis>Ohhh <v Martin>Pop that's terrific. Isn't that terrific Mavis? I mean Pop and Virginia are. <v Martin>When's the big day, huh? Hey, we should have brought some champagne a little engagement <v Martin>party. <v Martin>Pop, you sneaky guy. <v Martin>We didn't know about this. <v Martin>Are you gonna be a June bride or can you wait that long? <v Virginia>We're not waiting at all <v Martin>Yo- You're not waiting at all?

<v Carrington>Well, let me put it this way, <v Carrington>Virginia's coming to live with me. Posthaste, you might say. <v Mavis>You mean you're not getting married? <v Carrington>Plenty advantages to not getting married. As a matter of fact, young people are doing it <v Carrington>all the time nowadays. <v Martin>Pam, why did you run down to the rec center and get yourself a Coke? <v Martin>[Laughter] <v Pam>Do I have to? <v Mavis>Do as your father says [Laughter] <v Martin>Here ya go. <v Martin>Pop. I don't mind telling you that. <v Martin>Mavis and I are shocked, very shocked. <v Martin>[Laughter] Now, we we think in a modern way and we've <v Martin>adjusted to the times. But but for you and Mrs. Stokes here to be living <v Martin>in naked sin, what kind of examples is that for young <v Martin>people? <v Carrington>That aren't many young people around here. [Laughter] Let me put it this way.

<v Carrington>I think the management of Sunny Slopes Park welcomes the idea. <v Carrington>You see, the sale of Ginny's mobile home to new people means more residents. <v Carrington>More residents mean more profits. <v Carrington>They encourage doubling up. [Laughter] <v Mavis>Doubling up? <v Martin>Well, why don't you get married? <v Carrington>Well, we're both kind of set in our ways and we thought we'd give it a spell <v Carrington>to see if we can adjust. Let me put it this way, economics. <v Carrington>You know, it's true. Two people can live cheaper than one. <v Carrington>I've been keeping careful track. The past three months. <v Carrington>And what with Ginny's pension, my Social Security, those old railroad bonds, <v Carrington>I think we can get along fine if the inflation doesn't get worse. <v Martin>Pop, you don't understand. <v Martin>It's a moral question. <v Carrington>Well, Martin, it isn't as if we were planning a family. <v Carrington>[Laughter] <v Martin>How can this be happening to me? <v Pam>Guess who I saw? <v Martin>The Hells Angels? [Laughter] <v Pam>Remember, Mr. Armstrong, who used to be our bank manager?

<v Mavis>Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong living down here? <v Pam>Mrs. Armstrong died. But Mr. Armstrong is living here with Mrs. Shanks, <v Pam>who used to be the vice principal at our school. <v Pam>[Laughter and applause] <v Interviewer>Who is the oldest person you know? <v Child 7>My grandma. <v Interviewer>Yeah. Do you know anything? Anything interesting about her? <v Interviewer>Is your- is she an old grandma? <v Interviewer>What? <v Child 7>She has wrinkles all over her. [Laughter] <v Interviewer>Is that how you can tell? <v Child 7>Yeah. <v Speaker>[Song performance: When I'm Sixty-Four] [Applause]

<v Flip Wilson>Oh, us, poor us. <v Flip Wilson>I've been learning some scary things that are happening to us. <v Flip Wilson>Did you know as we grow older, our lungs aren't as efficient, our kidneys <v Flip Wilson>are declining. Our muscles are shrinking. <v Flip Wilson>Our skins are drying out. Ew. [Laughter] Did you know that our brains <v Flip Wilson>are losing one hundred thousand cells a day that could make you lose your <v Flip Wilson>what do you call it? Ah, memory. <v Flip Wilson>But I hear that Michelangelo was working on the last judgment after he was 80. <v Flip Wilson>And Picasso kept right on enjoying his life until 90. <v Flip Wilson>De Gaulle didn't even begin to run France until he was 67. <v Flip Wilson>Winston Churchill was retired at 64 and a hero at 66

<v Flip Wilson>after having lost all those brain cells, they were still too smart to give up. <v Flip Wilson>And you know something else? <v Flip Wilson>They still like girls. <v Granny>[Whimsical music playing] I don't care what you say, Emma. <v Granny>In Picasso's second period, the implosion was splintered and lost all its dynamic force. <v Emma>Now, that's just misinformed. <v Emma>During that period, he was clearly involved in the dynamics of cubism. <v Granny>Well, that's according to Phelps and the Saturday Review. <v Granny>But The Atlantic Monthly tells it different. <v Emma>Well, I know how we can solve this. We'll just go down to the museum and check it out. <v Emma>We'll do that tomorrow. <v Granny>Well, all right now, just let me check tomorrow. <v Granny>Oh, no. Tomorrow's bad.

<v Granny>I've got my psychology class in the morning. <v Emma>Oh, teaching or taking? <v Granny>Oh, this one I'm taking. And then at three o'clock, I'm teaching the pottery class. <v Granny>And then it's six. I've got the. Oh, um. <v Granny>No, no, no. Tomorrow's bad. <v Granny>How about Wednesday? <v Emma>Well, let me look at Wednesday. <v Emma>Oh, no, no. My goodness. <v Emma>Wednesday mornings, my exercise class. <v Emma>And then in the afternoon, I've got my piano lesson. <v Emma>No. Wednesday is definitely out. <v Granny>Well, we'll just have to wait till next week then. <v Emma>I guess so. <v Granny>Weren't we gonna paint today? <v Emma>Yes. You know, we were and then we got all caught up in the theory of dynamic <v Emma>interchange and we just frittered away the whole morning. <v Emma>[Laughter] <v Granny>Well, it's too late now. <v Emma>Why? <v Granny>Because Sarah Anne is coming. <v Emma>Oh, darn. Not again. <v Granny>Yeah. <v Emma>Have you told her about you and Fred yet? <v Granny>Well, no, of course not. <v Granny>I wouldn't want to upset her. <v Granny>She thinks I died from the waist down years ago. <v Granny>[Laughter]

<v Emma>That's the going propaganda, I guess <v Granny>Here we are living proof. <v Emma>Almost. [Laughter]Now, listen, you've <v Emma>got to tell her sometime. What if you and Fred want to get married? <v Granny>Well, now. Who's going to get married? <v Granny>One of us would lose our Social Security. [Laughter] The government pays you to commit <v Granny>adultery and then doesn't believe that you can do it. <v Granny>[Laughter] <v Emma>Well, I think you oughta tell her anyway. <v Granny>Well, you can't change people, you know that. <v Emma>No, I guess you're right. <v Emma>My goodness. I remember when I was 30, I was pretty set in my ways, too. <v Emma>I thought it was all going to add up to something if I followed all those rules <v Emma>that I'd finally get there. <v Granny>Yeah, and isn't it wonderful to find out that if you don't follow any of the rules you <v Granny>finally get, they are only the trips a lot more pleasant? <v Granny>[Laughter] [Doorbell]No laughing, that's <v Granny>her. Now, she'll just get very depressed if she thinks were happy, come on. <v Emma>Stop that. Are you going to make me hide in the kitchen again? <v Granny>Unless you can keep your mouth shut.

<v Emma>But there's nothing to read in there. <v Granny>Which I wouldn't expect you to do. [Laughter] <v Emma>You're not going to do that old number. <v Granny>Shut up or I'll kill ya. [Laughter] <v Sarah Anne>Oh, granny. <v Granny>Sarah Anne <v Sarah Anne>How are you feeling? <v Granny>I feel fine, just fine. <v Sarah Anne>Now, Granny, this is Sarah Anne you can tell me. <v Granny>I feel fine. <v Sarah Anne>Oh, come on, you are so proud. <v Sarah Anne>Admit it. <v Granny>I feel terrible. <v Sarah Anne>I knew it. <v Granny>I knew you did. <v Emma>Liar <v Granny>You shut up. Sh Sh Sh <v Sarah Anne>What dear? <v Granny>Oh, God. I was just brushing away the flies. <v Granny>Shush shush shush <v Sarah Anne>Well, you come right over here. I brought you something to cheer you up.

<v Granny>Oh, how nice. Oh, for heaven's sakes. <v Granny>What is it? <v Sarah Anne>Well, they're extra strength support hose to give those tired old legs <v Sarah Anne>a rest. <v Granny>Oh, how nice. <v Granny>Excuse me a minute, dear. I just want to check on some cookies that I'm baking for you. <v Sarah Anne>Oh, now, you didn't have to do that. <v Granny>I told you to keep your mouth shut <v Emma>Well I can't stand it. You're an Uncle Tom, a grey Uncle Tom. <v Granny>That's the way she wants it. Now listen, you go get those cookies I told you to pick up, <v Granny>put them in the oven, break a few and then wrap them in that old wax paper. <v Sarah Anne> How are you getting along here, dear? <v Granny>Well, I'm just fine here. Just fine. <v Sarah Anne>Are you, dear? Really? <v Granny>Yeah, I'm fine. <v Sarah Anne> You can tell me. <v Granny>Well, it's lonely. <v Granny>I'm very old. <v Sarah Anne>I knew it. [Laughter] <v Granny>I knew you did. <v Sarah Anne>Is your new TV working? <v Granny>Well, I think so. Of course I haven't used it very much. <v Sarah Anne>Well, why not?

<v Granny>Well, I've been busy. <v Sarah Anne>Busy? Come on. <v Granny>Eyes bad. Very very bad. [Laughter] My eyes <v Sarah Anne>Which reminds me, I brought you some eyedrops. <v Granny>Oh, how nice. Well, why don't you just put them right here in my hand where I can find <v Granny>em. <v Granny>[Gasps and yawns] <v Sarah Anne>Oh, you poor dear. <v Sarah Anne>Our little visitors just warn you. <v Granny>Well, yes, I usually take a two hour nap <v Emma>From three to five. [Laughter] <v Granny>If you'll excuse me, my dear. I just want to see if the cookies are done. <v Granny>?inaudible? <v Emma>You are a disgrace to your age, you are a wrinkle phony. <v Granny>I am telling you, it's what she what she wants me to be a traditional ole granny. <v Emma>Stop, I don't believe that. <v Granny>Oh w- Give me those cookies. Watch this. <v Granny>Here are your cookies, dear. <v Sarah Anne>Oh, now, Granny, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble. <v Granny>Well, it wasn't any trouble. <v Sarah Anne>Now tell me, is there anything else that you need or want that I could bring you? <v Granny>Some burnt umber 24.

<v Sarah Anne>Is that a medicine? <v Sarah Anne>[Laughter] <v Granny>It's a paint color. I've been doing a lot of painting lately between working at the <v Granny>clinic and teaching at the Y <v Sarah Anne>Now Granny, are you sure you're feeling all right? <v Granny>I'm fine. I'm just very busy right now. <v Granny>Oh, well, would you be interested in a lecture series at the Y? <v Sarah Anne>Well, darling, I would, of course I would. <v Sarah Anne>Maybe some other time. <v Sarah Anne>Have you been having dizzy spells, Granny? <v Sarah Anne>How's your blood pressure? I know what I'll do. <v Sarah Anne>I'll I'll get Dr. Fletcher to come by and see you. <v Granny>Oh, you think he might be interested in the lecture series? <v Sarah Anne>Have a nice nap, dear. <v Granny>Goodbye, Sarah Anne. OK, Emma? <v Granny>Are you satisfied? <v Emma>Well, I admit it. You've proved it. <v Emma>And she took up half our afternoon with that dribble <v Granny>Cut right into our naps <v Emma>You know something? I don't feel right about this. <v Granny>About what? Hey B- Hey, Barbara, come on.

<v Granny>Well, they're shooting here. <v Emma>Yeah, I know. I know. But it just doesn't seem right to me. <v Emma>That's all. <v Granny>Well c- Yeah, but couldn't we talk about it and, I mean, couldn't we finish the scene and <v Granny>then we could talk about? <v Emma>Do you know, what we've done? We've just arbitrarily decided what it's like to be old. <v Emma>I mean, we have no idea what it's really like. <v Granny>I know. But, boy, I really like the idea of portraying the ladies that way. <v Granny>I mean, it was so much better than doing the old, helpless, feeble old woman cliche. <v Emma>Yeah, I know. But that it's our idea. <v Emma>I mean, it's the way we'd like it to be. <v Granny>Certainly the way I would like it to be still be interested in things and have a sense of <v Granny>humor. <v Emma>I know I would, too. And I love the idea of just really <v Emma>being alive. I mean, it's as alive as you can be for as long as you're alive. <v Emma>I'd like to think that's possible. <v Granny>I have to think it's possible. <v Emma>OK. We will think it's possible, at least for now. <v Emma>[Laughter] <v Granny>Alright it's a deal <v Emma>I'll talk to you in 40 years. [Laughter] <v Granny>Well I certainly hope so <v Emma>Come on, you cranky old fool. Don't know when it's time to get off.

<v Granny>[Singing with Emma, music playing in background] Oh, we're so glad that we're not young <v Granny>anymore. [Laughter and applause] <v Interviewer>Would you like to be a hundred? <v Child 8>No <v Interviewer>Why would you want to be a hundred? <v Child 8>Because <v Child 8>then you don't get to play toys. <v Doctor>[Knocking] Come in. Oh come in, sit down I'll be with you in a minute <v Patient>I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

<v Patient>Can I use your ashtray? <v Doctor>I don't have one. <v Patient>That's all right, I'll use the floor. <v Doctor>What's the matter? <v Patient>I don't want to talk about it. <v Doctor>OK, we won't. <v Doctor>What aren't we talking about? <v Patient>Old age, I'm getting old. <v Patient>My face is falling. <v Patient>I'm going to die. <v Doctor>That's true. <v Patient>My face is falling? <v Doctor>No, but you're going to die eventually. <v Patient>Well, I don't like that. <v Doctor>Neither do I. But that's the way it is. <v Patient>But can't you stop it or at least slow it down? <v Doctor>You can slow it down, but you don't want to. <v Patient>Yes, I do. I want to. <v Patient>I guess this will have to go. <v Doctor>It should have a long time ago. <v Patient>Oh, does it really matter? <v Doctor>Yep. <v Patient>But stopping smoking is boring. <v Doctor>Being dead is boring too. <v Patient>But to stop aging, I mean, there must be things you can do. <v Patient>I mean, pills you can take or injections.

<v Doctor>We're working on that. But unfortunately, money for research is slow coming in. <v Doctor>And as soon as we have something why, you'll be the second to know. <v Patient>But there is nothing now I can take to stop it? <v Doctor>Nope. <v Patient>Darn. <v Doctor>You're ready to listen now? Because it's not up to me. <v Doctor>It's up to you. <v Doctor>Now, there is something you can do, if you will believe me. <v Doctor>I can tell you what you can do in two minutes. <v Doctor>If you listen very closely, maybe even take notes. <v Doctor>In two minutes, I can give you all the magic that we have. <v Doctor>And it really works. <v Doctor>Now, is it worth two minutes to you? <v Doctor>Now, the idea isn't to get younger. <v Doctor>The idea is to get old as long as you can and enjoy <v Doctor>it. Every expert agrees that if you eat right, relax <v Doctor>and exercise, you can do something about how you age. <v Doctor>So let's take it in three steps.

<v Doctor>Exercise. Why? <v Doctor>39 percent of deaths are caused by heart attacks. <v Doctor>Three times as many heart attacks happened to sedentary persons. <v Doctor>Survival is four times greater for those who exercise regularly. <v Doctor>The chance of a stroke is decreased. By exercising, the general youthful <v Doctor>tone of the body is preserved. <v Doctor>How? Or some kind of rhythmical exercise, such as jogging, <v Doctor>swimming or bicycling done consistently. <v Doctor>Now, the first sensible thing you've done is check with your doctor to see what <v Doctor>suggestions I can make for an exercise program specifically suited for you. <v Doctor>And when I do follow it. <v Doctor>Eat properly. Why? <v Doctor>Because high cholesterol contributes to heart attack and stroke. <v Doctor>Two thirds of the new cases of coronary heart disease develop among those who have high <v Doctor>cholesterol levels or high blood pressure.

<v Doctor>Why eat properly? To protect yourself against the very real possibility of <v Doctor>for example, diabetes, a major killer among the aged. <v Doctor>You know how to eat properly. <v Doctor>A well-balanced diet. <v Doctor>Fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, concentrate on lean meats, <v Doctor>fish, chicken, protein. <v Doctor>Avoid saturated fat like the plague. <v Doctor>And that's for sugar give up once and for all, your favorite dessert. <v Doctor>Eat cantaloupe instead of cookies. <v Doctor>Don't overeat. You need less calories as you get older and those <v Doctor>extra calories will kill you. <v Doctor>That doesn't mean starve yourself. <v Doctor>For some people, it's sensible to eat five meals a day instead of three, but make them <v Doctor>five little meals filled with a variety of healthy foods. <v Doctor>About stress.

<v Doctor>Understand what causes it and learn to cope with it directly and simply <v Doctor>because stress causes high blood pressure and in general wears out the body <v Doctor>and makes it harder to get well if you get sick. <v Doctor>How do you cope with stress? <v Doctor>Don't take life so seriously. <v Doctor>The more you worry about it, the less of it you'll have to worry about. <v Doctor>Remember last week when you were so upset because dinner was 20 minutes late? <v Doctor>Remember? <v Doctor>You don't remember? <v Doctor>See, it wasn't that important, was it? <v Doctor>Well. <v Patient>That's it? <v Doctor>That's it. <v Patient>That's not what I expected. I mean, that's too hard. <v Doctor>Too bad. <v Doctor>It's the only magic we have. And it really works. <v Patient>Well, what about my butter crinkled sugar toffee mocha cake with the hot <v Patient>fudge sauce? Just this once? <v Doctor>Sure. Eat it. <v Doctor>It's your life.

<v Doctor>Or not. <v Flip Wilson>Oh, they you are. Your eyes are just starting to go on me and keep what he said in mind. <v Flip Wilson>I believe him. And I don't like him. [Laughter] Did you ever hear about people call the <v Flip Wilson>hunters? Many lived to be over a hundred. <v Flip Wilson>The ones that lived. You know why? <v Flip Wilson>Because their lifestyle demands that they climb up and down hills every day. <v Flip Wilson>The eat very little animal fat. Less than twelve hundred calories a day. <v Flip Wilson>And they have to scratch for a living from the soil by hard physical labor. <v Flip Wilson>And then there's the village of Vilcabamba. <v Flip Wilson>And the people who live in the Caucasuses in Russia. <v Flip Wilson>They all live to be over a hundred. <v Flip Wilson>And they do the same things as the hunters. <v Flip Wilson>You know what? I don't think they'd live to be 100. <v Flip Wilson>The way they live. They just look like they're a hundred. <v Flip Wilson>[Laughter] The thing that amazes me is. <v Flip Wilson>They still like girls [Laughter] <v Dave>Hey Myrna this clam dip is great. What do you call it?

<v Myrna>Hot chili, con chili. <v Myrna>Hey, hey save some for the party, <v Dave>Since when are Dick and Patty a party? <v Myrna>Oh, I invited the Browns, you know, the new couple who moved in down the block? <v Dave>The Browns? <v Myrna>Yeah. <v Dave>Are you crazy? You know Dick feels about them. <v Dave>They're old. <v Myrna>But Dave, integrated parties are so chic. <v Myrna>Remember last year we invited the Lopezs and the year before that, the Washingtons and <v Myrna>the year before that, the Cohens. Well, this year old people are the in thing. <v Myrna>[Laughter] <v Dave>Not to Dick. He's a nut when it comes to them. <v Dave>What if he starts a fight? <v Myrna>Oh, he won't. <v Dave>Well, I guess it's up to us to make sure it doesn't happen. <v Dave>[Door bell] <v Myrna>Oh, I'm sure we can. <v Dave>Well, don't worry, Myrna. I think he's got enough good sense not to say anything. <v Myrna>Oh, I hope so. Hi [Talking over each other] <v Dave>How are you? How are you? Good to see you. <v Myrna>Hi. Oh, hi. <v Dick>Hey uh Dave. Guess what I just saw hobbling down the street? <v Dick>A pair of your Geritol generation looks like the golden oldies are taking

<v Dick>over the neighborhood. <v Dick>Hey, you hear the latest oldest joke? <v Patty>Well, it doesn't matter, you're going to. <v Dick>What has an IQ of 180? <v Dick>Give up? 3 60 year-olds [Laughs]. <v Dick>Hey You gonna offer me a drink. <v Dave>Yeah. What do you have? <v Dick>Anything but an old fashioned, <v Dave>Look uh, Dick. Those people that you saw walking down the street were the Browns. <v Dave>And they're on their way here. <v Dave>And I would appreciate it very much if you wouldn't say anything to them about old <v Dave>age. <v Dick>No, don't worry. I won't say a thing. <v Dick>Besides, by the time they get here, at the rate they're walking, I'll be gone. <v Dick>That's what I mean. [Doorbell] ?inaudible? <v Dave>[Talking over each other] Hello, Hello. <v George>Hello. I'm George and this is Martha. <v Dave>Yes, I know. I'm Dave. And this is, you know, Myrna <v George>How are you, dear? [Talking over each other]

<v Dave>And these are our friends, Dick and Patty Young. <v Patty>How do you do? <v George>How are you? <v Dick>Yeah <v Dave>Ah well, can I get you something? <v Martha> I'd like [interrupted. <v Dick>Why don't you get him some nice warm milk. <v Dick>The love warm milk [Laughter] <v Martha>I'd like a scotch on the rocks, please. <v George>I'll have the same with the lemon twist in it. <v Dick>I can't stand an old drunk. [Laughter] <v Myrna>Oh, you know what I just love about you people? <v Myrna>You make wonderful grandparents [Laughter] <v Myrna>and we just adore your ?inaudible? <v George>He died. [Laughter] People do that a lot. <v Myrna>Isn't anyone going to have my dip? <v Dick>Oh, I don't mind if I do. <v Dick>You better tell them what's in it first. <v Dick>We don't want them breaking any special dietary laws. <v Dick>[Laughter] <v Martha>Mmmm, chili sauce, chili pepper, <v Martha>onions and green peppers and chili peppers [Laughter] <v Dick>Sour cream? <v Martha>And sour cream. <v Myrna>How did you know that? <v Martha>Oh, I make it myself and George all the time.

<v Martha>Except when there's only the two of us. I put Tabasco in it. <v George>The trouble with some people is, they don't act their age. <v Dave>Dick, could I have a word with you for a second? <v Martha>Well, perhaps we'd better go. <v Myrna>Oh, no. <v Dave>What's happened to you? You used to just be unreasonable. <v Dave>Now you're a ?inaudible? [Laughter] <v Dick>What do you mean by that? I told you, I'm the same as I ever was. <v Patty>Now, Dick, if you don't tell them what's wrong, I will. <v Dick>Oh, no, don't. Patty, uh. <v Dave>Oh, come on, Dick. You can tell me. I'm your friend. <v Dick>You know what my company just did? <v Dick>They've pushed the retirement age down to 55. <v Dave>Well, that's ridiculous. <v Dick>I know, that only gives me nine more years. <v Dick>They're putting me out to pasture and I'm only 46. <v Dick>[Laughter] <v Dave>That still gives you 9 more years. That's a long time.

<v Dave>And after that, you can do something else. <v Dick>Yeah, I can? <v Dave>Of course, people do it all the time, you know. <v Dave>I mean, isn't there something else you you've always wanted to do? <v Dick>Well, yeah there's. <v Dave>And what is it? <v Dick>You'd laugh <v Dave>No, no, I won't, I promise. What is it? <v Dick>Ballroom dancing. [Laughter] <v Dave>Well, there aren't too many ballroom's left, Dick. <v Dave>But that's what I really want to do. <v George>Then you go right ahead and become a ballroom dancer. <v George>I did. <v Dick>You think I could? <v George>Aw, do it, son. Just because your company is foolish enough to cut <v George>you down in your prime. That's no reason for you to give up. <v Dick>Ah, well, I. Well, you're alright, For an old person. <v George>Thank you, Son. You know, that's a real compliment coming from you. <v George>[Laughter] <v Myrna>More dip? <v Dick>Oh, no, that's too hot for me. But give some to George and Martha than they can handle it <v Dick>better. [Laughter] Can I talk to you for a minute? <v George>Of course

<v Dick>It's just something personal. <v Dick>Well, do you really? And I mean, is it true? <v Dick>Well, what I mean, look, is there really sex after 60? <v Martha>Now, did you hear the question that he asked of me? <v Martha>They seemed to have a most familiar ring, if you ask <v Martha>me. So very, very clear to see. <v Martha>He seem to be concerned with just one thing. <v George>[Singing in unison with Martha, music playing in background] Do we? Do we? <v George>That's why you want to know isn't it? <v George>Do we? Do we? That's what <v George>disturbs you so, isn't it? <v George>You sit there wondering. <v George>Ooohoo what are those two all about? Do we? That's for us to know and you to find out.

<v Martha>[Singing] He looks ancient chewing his ?Gelacel?, doesn't he? <v Martha>[Laughter] <v George>[Singing] She was famous nursing at Bunker Hill, <v George>wasn't she? [Laughter] <v Martha>[Singing in unison with George] You sit there wondering if we really ring <v Martha>that bell Do we? <v Martha>Eat your heart out, kids. Cause we'll never tell. <v Martha>[Tango music playing] <v Martha>Would they? <v George>Could they? <v George>[Applause] [Singing] Well sir, there are certain things that we'll never tell.

<v George>Do <v George>we? Do we? <v George>Doesn't that make this turn <v Martha>Interesting? <v George>With no ?towel? <v George>How does the candle burn? <v Martha>Interesting. [Singing in unison with George] Do his pajama tops compliment her <v Martha>negligee. Well, sir there are certain things. <v Martha>Well, miss there are private things <v George>Well son, there are personal things that a lady and a gentleman <v Martha>That a lady and a gentleman <v George>[in unison with Martha] won't say. [Applause] <v Flip Wilson>Oldsters of the world. You're not.

<v Flip Wilson>Gray is beautiful. <v Flip Wilson>Did you know that one out of every 10 Americans is over 65? <v Flip Wilson>And that they accounted for 12 million votes last year? <v Flip Wilson>How could they find the time to vote between their hobbies, social affairs, jogging, <v Flip Wilson>naps? [Laughter] Friends, great power means getting together with <v Flip Wilson>your friends and talking about what you don't like in your life and what you can <v Flip Wilson>do about it. Great power means writing to your Congressman, Senator, <v Flip Wilson>and asking him for the things that you need. <v Flip Wilson>Letting him know that you're there alive and kicking. <v Flip Wilson>Slowly maybe, but kicking and voting. <v Flip Wilson>And let him know that you won't rest content in these skinny arms of Social Security. <v Flip Wilson>Try to find out what Ralph Nader is trying to do and see if you can help out. <v Flip Wilson>Gray power means insisting on car fare or transportation, <v Flip Wilson>insisting on doctors who care. <v Flip Wilson>And don't be frightened by those people who tell you you'll spend your life as a <v Flip Wilson>vegetable. Only 5 percent of the elderly population is in institutions.

<v Flip Wilson>That means 95 percent of y'all on the street. <v Flip Wilson>[Laughter] Grey power is the power in you, individually <v Flip Wilson>and together to insist that your life can be better. <v Flip Wilson>So make your life fun and fulfilling. <v Flip Wilson>Don't be fooled by all those magazines and movies and songs. <v Flip Wilson>Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's no fire in the furnace. <v Flip Wilson>Friends. Gray is beautiful. <v Flip Wilson>Wrinkles are beautiful. Life is beautiful. <v Flip Wilson>And girls, are beautiful. [Laughter] <v Narrator 2>[Music playing] Sometimes young and middle aged couples think they are the only ones who <v Narrator 2>have marital problems. It's believed that after a married couple have lived together for <v Narrator 2>40 or 50 years, their marriage is probably settled down. <v Narrator 2>There are no more major adjustments to be made in such a long standing marriage. <v Narrator 2>However, that is not always the case.

<v Counselor>Well, I'm sure that if the two of you need any marriage counseling at all, <v Counselor>it'll be a minor one. <v Counselor>Oh, my secretary tells me that in three days you'll be celebrating your diamond wedding <v Counselor>anniversary. Isn't that wonderful? <v Counselor>Married. 75 years. <v Ruth>Now, we'd have gotten a Mexican divorce years ago, but we were both afraid <v Ruth>to fly. [Laughter] <v Counselor>Let's let's not exaggerate. <v Counselor>I mean, after all, you must have been fairly happy together. <v Henry> Hmm. You know why I've stayed married to her all these <v Henry>years? Just to frustrate her. <v Henry>That's why For 75 years, she's just been looking for <v Henry>a chance to toss me aside so she can marry her grade school <v Henry>sweetie. [Laughter] <v Ruth>How many times do I have to tell you I haven't thought of him in 76 <v Ruth>years. <v Henry>Pretty clever, isn't she? [Laughter] For 75 years, she's been <v Henry>completely faithful to me, trying to lull me into

<v Henry>trusting her. [Laughter] Well, don't you count on it, baby, I'm on to you <v Henry>and don't you forget it. <v Henry>You and your long false gray eyelashes. <v Henry>[Laughter] <v Ruth>And, man, I want a divorce. <v Ruth>Do you hear me? I want a divorce. <v Ruth>I don't want any alimony and I want custody of our three children. <v Counselor>But your children are all in their 70s. <v Ruth>Well, they're in their early 70s. <v Ruth>[Laughter] Besides, they're my children. <v Henry>You hear that? You hear what she said. They're her children. <v Henry>She never let me be a father to them. <v Henry>They were always her children. <v Henry>I am just a stud. <v Henry>[Laughter] Well, you can have the children. <v Henry>I never did like their looks anyway. <v Henry>They say babies look kind of funny when they're first born. <v Henry>Well, our dummies have looked funny for 70 years [Laughter] especially <v Henry>that idiot who keeps licking his teeth all the time. <v Ruth>Stop picking on Harry. Harry, he's been good to you all of his 71 years.

<v Henry>Of course he's been good to me, cause he's scared of me that's why. <v Henry>I told him that one day I was going to give him the spanking <v Henry>in his life. <v Henry>And for 65 years now, he's never been quite sure <v Henry>when it's coming. [Laughter]Harry is nothing <v Henry>but a full-denture-wearing scaredy cat. <v Henry>[Laughter] <v Ruth>Man, I don't want a divorce on grounds of incompatibility or anything soft like that. <v Ruth>I want a divorce on the grounds of pure hatred. <v Ruth>[Laughter] <v Counselor>I'm afraid there are no legal grounds for divorce, on pure hatred. <v Ruth>Well, there ought to be. I don't think we're living in a civilized country until we can <v Ruth>walk into a divorce court and say under oath, I hate his <v Ruth>guts, I hate her guts, or if it's a bigamist, I <v Ruth>hate their guts. [Laughter] That's for 76 <v Ruth>years. Even when you were away at war fighting for our country and our

<v Ruth>flag, I've hated your guts. <v Ruth>[Laughter] But <v Ruth>we did have some good times, didn't we? <v Ruth>Hmm? <v Henry>Yes, we did. We did have some good times <v Ruth>Well, I hated your guts through those good times too. <v Ruth>[Laughter] Now what do you think of that, buster? <v Henry>Man, you're a marriage counselor, you ought to know a lot about marriages. <v Henry>So I'd like to ask you a question that's been bothering me for a long <v Henry>time. <v Counselor>Well, go right ahead. Ask me the question. <v Henry>I married this woman 75 years ago. <v Henry>And I've spent 75 years of my life with <v Henry>her. <v Henry>And my question is why?

<v Henry>[Laughter] <v Counselor>I'm <v Counselor>afraid you'll have to answer that question yourself. <v Henry>Well, I guess I married her for the <v Henry>same reason we all married our wives. <v Henry>Cause I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I respected, <v Henry>admired and loved. <v Henry>And she wouldn't have made sure I married her. <v Henry>[Laughter] <v Ruth>And the one I wanted didn't want me, so I married him. <v Henry>So now it comes out. <v Henry>Who was it that wouldn't have huh? Who [interupting each other] <v Ruth>Alright, alright, I'll tell you who it was. Oh, it was. It was. It was uh, uh. <v Ruth>Oh, I forgot. [Laughter] Well, who was it that you wanted instead <v Ruth>of me? <v Henry>It was the greatest woman I ever met in my <v Henry>life.

<v Ruth>Oh, it was. Well. Oh, who was that? Who was that? <v Henry>Oh, I'll tell you who it was, it was. <v Henry>I can't remember her name. [Laughter] <v Ruth>Come on, Henry. <v Ruth>Let's go home. <v Ruth>Come on. Come on. <v Henry>I can't understand how I could forget her name. <v Henry>Oh, well, it'll come back to me- Ruth. <v Henry>I think it was Ruth. <v Ruth>Henry, I'm Ruth. <v Henry>Maybe it was you [Laughter] <v Ruth>Oh, dear come on. [Music playing and applause] <v Interviewer>What do old people do?

<v Child 9>They work <v Interviewer>No, when theyre real old. A- <v Child 9>They die <v Interviewer>No, before they die and after they finish working, what do old people do? <v Child 9>They stay home. <v Interviewer>And? <v Child 9>They don't anything. They ju- They just sit down and watch TV. [Laughter] <v Lawyer>Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. <v Lawyer>I would like to discuss the pathetic situation my <v Lawyer>client finds himself in today and perhaps. <v Lawyer>Help you to understand and excuse him. <v Lawyer>Now, here is a person who was living in a single <v Lawyer>room in an unpleasant and even hostile neighborhood. <v Lawyer>He has no radio, television, no money for transportation, so he can't even <v Lawyer>take a ride to see a friend or visit a free park. <v Lawyer>His meals, now get this, his meals consist <v Lawyer>of dog food, literally.

<v Lawyer>I mean that literally. <v Lawyer>That's a researched fact. <v Lawyer>People in this country today are eating dog food. <v Lawyer>And if, God forbid, his rent is raised by as little as five dollars, <v Lawyer>he must move to some cheaper place. <v Lawyer>Now what is his crime? <v Lawyer>What has he done to come to this? <v Lawyer>Ladies and gentlemen, his crime is old age. <v Lawyer>How much more of this kind of time are you going to sentence my client to? <v Lawyer>Hasn't he suffered enough? Yes, it's true he could've have ?saved through? <v Lawyer>his old age. But a mitigating circumstance might be <v Lawyer>a struggle to raise a family. <v Lawyer>Support them throughout a lifetime of moderate paying jobs. <v Lawyer>And yes, it's true, his family could probably support him now. <v Lawyer>But in this unique society that we live in, they may not be living anyplace <v Lawyer>near enough to know.

<v Lawyer>They may not even care about his situation. <v Lawyer>Perhaps one day they'll inherit his place in the park bench. <v Lawyer>What about his pension? <v Lawyer>Well, perhaps he had a pension and perhaps he was one of the many who suddenly, after 15 <v Lawyer>years in one job, had to take another job only to <v Lawyer>learn that his pension didn't follow pension sometimes are not transferable. <v Lawyer>So now he watches the time go by on a gold plated watc they gave him and he wishes. <v Lawyer>How he wishes sometimes that he could eat the watch, it'd be a nice change <v Lawyer>from the dog food. <v Lawyer>What about his backache? <v Lawyer>And his kidney problems? And his heart disease, not fatal, just chronic. <v Lawyer>Ladies and gentlemen, my client is old. <v Lawyer>He's gonna die. <v Lawyer>My esteemed opponent scream Social Security. <v Lawyer>Yeah, but you all know, because you've heard it 100 times, that the rise in Social <v Lawyer>Security benefits does not match the rise in the cost of living.

<v Lawyer>The same is true, of course, with medical care for the aged. <v Lawyer>Now, don't. Please don't misunderstand me. <v Lawyer>My client does stand guilty of one of the charges. <v Lawyer>And for that, he finds himself sentence to this dismal life. <v Lawyer>He was apathetic when he was a young man. <v Lawyer>He refused to face the idea that one day he was going to be old. <v Lawyer>He didn't say to himself, how would I like to spend Saturday night when I'm 72 years <v Lawyer>old? He didn't check out his pension plan and he didn't insist on legislation <v Lawyer>to insure, insure money and health care for his <v Lawyer>old age. Problem is too big, it's too <v Lawyer>overwhelming. And he didn't want to be bothered. <v Lawyer>He didn't even know how to be bothered. <v Lawyer>Yes, he was apathetic and irresponsible. <v Lawyer>But can't we learn? <v Lawyer>From his mistakes and in the process, perhaps <v Lawyer>forgive him maybe even take care of him.

<v Lawyer>Can we help him maybe face this new situation that we perhaps might <v Lawyer>face ourselves in the future? <v Lawyer>We live in a culture that doesn't admit there is an old age. <v Lawyer>Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. <v Lawyer>Forgive him his apathy. <v Lawyer>Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. <v Lawyer>Ladies and gentlemen of. [Music playing] <v Flip Wilson>[Music playing in the background] You know, that really gives you something to think about. Generally, we sleep the first 50 years of life away, <v Flip Wilson>looking out for yourself is not a new idea. 60 years ago, it was Bert Willaims who said. <v Flip Wilson>[Song: Nobody]

<v Flip Wilson>[Applause] Scientist friends are trying to discover what causes aging and hopefully

<v Flip Wilson>to prevent it. Right now, there are only two people who can do something about it. <v Flip Wilson>You and me. <v Flip Wilson>And if we do, life will be good to the last drop and that last <v Flip Wilson>drop of a good to. <v Flip Wilson>Goodnight, y'all. [Applause and music playing] <v Narrator>This program was made possible by a grant from the 3M company and was

<v Narrator>produced by KCET Los Angeles, which is solely responsible for <v Narrator>its content and method of presentation.