Child beyond; Poor little boy

Beyond produced by Radio host the University of Texas under a grant from the Educational Television and Radio Center in cooperation with the National Association of educational broadcasters. The child is there. Beyond the hurt and the handicap beyond the defect and the difference. The problem and it's probing there is how can we reach him. How can we set him free. Radio host the University of Texas rang you that child beyond a series of recorded programs devoted to the exceptional child in our society areas of difficulty. His problems and avenues of adjustment open to him in these broadcasts authorities of national reputation to work with and for exceptional children and parents who have such children in their own homes. Help

us toward a broader knowledge of the exceptional child and his work. They help us to board a keener vision of the rewarding potential which life holds for these children. And it does hold such a potential. But as our series commentator Dr. William G Wolfe tells us. A rich and well-adjusted life or exceptional children can be theirs only if we make it materialize. Only if we see to it that there come to these youngsters the basic things that all children must have acceptance approval appreciation. I say if we see to it we parents or teachers or doctors we relatives or neighbors or people of the community for the exceptional child like all children take for his picture of the world. The view we offer him it can be despair or hope as we paint it. He accepts for his own self portrait the reflection that we hold up to him in our attitudes our opinions our daily contacts

with him. Through what we say and what we do but most of all how we feel he can see a bitter misfit a spoiled tyrant an object of sympathy or pity or tragedy a burden to his family and an object of shame or embarrassment or discomfort to those he knows but he need not see those things for we have it in our power to show him himself as he can so readily be a vital and valuable person loved and wanted in the family group. Important to its members. Necessary to its welfare. Firm and secure in a place which only he can fill. That is a self portrait. We owe it to each of our exceptional children to build for you for her. That is the portrait we want to paint. But now and then we make mistakes as they are made in the scenes to follow. Errors of judgment intrude as they will make themselves manifest in our program situation

or what happens to our children gets us where we live and it is our common failing a reality shared by us all. That where our emotions are involved. Our vision falters where our affections are and our wisdom isn't paired with the best their wills and yours to intent. We all too often fall short in the relation with those we love the best. That is what happened to Billy Boy we are soon to meet. And it is we not Billy's affliction or any child. Not crippled limbs or impaired hearing not blurred vision speak but we know ourselves to determine whether from this youngster Phelim urge a well-adjusted at the lad or up for a little boy. So I guess that everything except making the

big bad yeah some You've got the clothes it's cleaned out and fresh paper and all the drawers. Yes my missed letter there already from Miss Margaret's things. Poor grit. This is all been so dreadful for weighing all folk there was nobody to turn to and little Billy with that awful polio. But we do have a home now. Yes ma'am her and little Barry she will feel better when they're home among their own folks. It's just as I told her in my letters. MARGARET This is your home here with Robert and Alison and me. I declare if your own mother and brother and sister can look after you at a time like this. Yes some That's right. Well anyway it's all settled now and they ought to be here before very long. Mr. Bob called to say the train was on time for Rwanda. I do hope they can get poor little billy o phone right. Yeah some I

reckon they can. Well I don't know. He's a big boy and Margaret says he can. She wrote that he can't Miss Lydia. Don't you worry Mr. Bob he'll get him off all right. We'd better get to this bear. Yes all right Sophie. Where are the sheets you wanted to tested first Miss Lydia. Oh yes so I did. I declare I am so torn up. Sophy you'll lie down there with your head on the pillows like poor little Billy's will be. Yeah some law business. Clearly that's right. Now look out the window sill. Can you see the garden. Yes Miss Lydia. I got a good Florida god poor angel. He loved it. So remember how he used to play in the garden Sophie. Yeah so.

He liked that garden and cram in the pear tree. He got a good look at the pear tree from here. Oh do you. I don't know. Sophie what do you think ma'am. The pear tree. He can't climb it. And the garden. You don't suppose it'll make him feel worse poor Dolly remembering how he used to. And now he can. No ma'am don't you fret Miss Lady your children don't fear like we do things like that don't make them no never man. If we don't hop on all we won't of course and I do hope you'll write it so awful for poor little Billy without our making it worse we better get this room finished Miss Lydia so whack and get down to the kitchen. That's right. They'll be here any minute. Let's see the ball and the toy. He'll have outgrown them I guess. But they'll be something else. Oh Sophie I hope I don't cry.

No ma'am you won't Miss Lydia. It makes little Billy feel bad if you wish to cry. I know I mustn't. But just thinking about it I get all teary just thinking that when I see him he won't be our little. Yes I'm here. Not like we knew he would be. Oh I don't know how he will be but that horrible old polio. It does dreadful things to children. He can't use his legs Sophie hardly any at all and even his hands Margaret says are affected. And maybe they'll be all withered or twisted or something I don't know but it'll break my heart every time I look at him. I know it will just break my heart. Ah poor poor little boy. Yes that was the soil in which the seeds abilities were to be planted.

The climate in which you must learn to live with this new handicap and as the days went by and the family offered its help. There will be other influences to help those seeds grow to more of the potatoes belly dear you've hardly touched them and Allison likes to see boys eat whole but that's a second helping Allison he finished the first helping everybody but two helpings of potatoes are gone you think for a ten year old boy and fried chicken. Remember how you used to say more chicken and hourly and don't count the poems I write to pieces to pieces and after and I came home tired from work and went straight to the kitchen so you could have fried chicken for stuff. Allison you shouldn't really. Sophie could have cooked most of Billy's fried chicken. Not on your life. MARGARET Why do you always play nobody could fry chicken like you Santa Allie and mashed potatoes. So she knows that at least that's the way it used to be. I guess you don't drag down these chicken

mashed potatoes anymore. I want to get this far. Course he does. Robin I don't see one. He just picks Billy is there something wrong. Oh my stars Al of course there's nothing wrong with the chicken. Leave the boy alone. Don't badger him. Well really Bob I'm not badgering. I simply asked me when I spent two hours in a hot kitchen after a hard day at the library just to fix things the light was wonderful of you Allison and we appreciate it don't we Billy Boy. Yeah us well and you've got to remember Ally this boy isn't as active as he used to be. He used to be a real live wire. He's tired poor and that old fork you taught for him to handle with that poor little we ought to get him a smaller fork and listen. Maybe that will be the Lindens still though. You mean this fork. Would he like his granny too. Would you eat some more. Angel

give me hell. Mother really can eat by himself. But it ties him operate. It's bound to. He even looks tired. See how he is when he looks thin. Well if you just eat I mean the food here. I take a special pains to get in the kitchen and fix it just the way he just doesn't feel like you do now just let grandmother put a pilot on your phone. I need Bama say barely speak a little more courteously to your grandmother. He doesn't feel well door to sweep. Grandmother can tell when the little boys don't feel well. Does Joy. CARNEY Not that no ma'am it doesn't Eric. No merriment. He's perfectly alright mother really. MARGARET He doesn't talk right out of the archives you can always tell by the hour. Do you hurt anywhere. No ma'am.

OK. Maybe he has. Listen sometimes when they happen to feel what he feels cool now cause he does our boys all right or he would be if you women would quit clucking over him and cuddling him. But we're just concerned for his welfare. After all he's a mighty sick little boy and he's still a long way from hell. Well he doesn't need cuddling. He needs toughening up. And speaking of toughening up did you do your exercises today Bill. Yes he did and everyone just like the doctor said. Yeah you know not. Yeah Bill. Yes Uncle Bob. Yes or yes. How about the ball. Did you play pitch yesterday with a glove on your left and you caught the ball. Yes or so to me we did back in full. How much so how much did you play. How many times. Oh I don't know if you do. How many is a few. Oh I guess seven or eight maybe.

Our kids 7 8 10. What kind of a game is that. Let's not play. Let's do. Piddling but he gets tired rather than poor little thing. Remember he's not very strong. Tired. You don't get tired lying in a bed all day or sitting in a wheelchair. He's weak that you are years and he'll never get stronger he doesn't use those muscles you hear that Bill. Yes or you can't build muscles up by just letting him live there. You can teach your hands and arms to work by just tossing a ball back and forth a time or two. You have got to work at it boy understand. Yes I wonder if you do. I don't mean pitching it back and forth a selfie seven or eight times. I mean 70 or 80 or maybe a hundred eighty 190 twice a day. But Bob the doctor said he must know over strong strain that's not going to overstrain him why we've got boys all over the neighborhood who don't think anything of playing pitch all day every day all the lucky boys across the street or in the Bennetts. Thousands up

why there's not a day during the summer there are out side yobs throwing that ball back and forth back and forth. They're out there today they were all right then. You sure I should do what I asked I said I shooed him off told him to go play in their own yards if they had to play. Why on earth mother those the boys they've always played in the side yard. Not anymore they won't. Not where our poor little lamb can see him. It's not him lying there not able to get out and do what other boys do. Poor little thing not able to run around like the others but Mother we've talked about that just because Billy can't play like that just yet it doesn't mean other children should be alarmed they hammered out all right they can play as they please. Where ever they please but not in this yard not where our poor little Billy has to see and you'd better let him say it.

Let him see what it means to give yourself a real workout because you know what mother Margaret responds getting lazy on sense. Yes that's right. I watched him doing is that society's sloppy. He doesn't. Sloppy. That's not fair to him every day. Every single word every day I hold your tongue young man. I say you don't half way to a man you don't or anything else. Seven or eight times. Pitch the ball seven or eight times and you. He does the best he can. He does not do the best he can. Nor anywhere near the best he can. Bill knows I'm right don't you Bill. He's getting soft spoiled no account. Mark my words Margaret. If that boy doesn't snap to if he doesn't straighten up and fly right he's gonna wind up to say this but he's going to wind up just plain ornery. That's boy's family. Nice people good people who love this.

This grandson this nephew really love him and I working toward his best welfare according to their own lights. But Billy the outside Billy Billy has changed for them as a post-polio case he's brought new problems into their midst. New complications new demands. And their emotions and their affections take each member of the family into new and confusing conflicts with himself or herself with other members of the family and which is vitally important in the new conflicts with with really conflicts you say. And they'd say it too. For this boy is dear to them. And if you should suggest even slightly suggest that they are rejecting barely harming him storing up grief and unhappiness for Billy as well as for themselves. If you should intimate that they've refused to accept Billy and his handicap they would turn upon you again asked his mother. Can you say such a thing. Why Billy is my whole life. I eat

sleep and breathe for Billy. Just ask his grandmother. I haven't loved him haven't gone out of this house since we came home have our mother not one is grandmother. Nobody can say I haven't accepted the poor little He's the dearest thing I have. I'd wait on him hand in Fort if they'd let me. Poor sweet little angel. His aunt actually ridiculous. You couldn't be more mistaken if we hadn't accepted Billy if we rejected him. Do you think I'd spend every spare cent I have bringing him books and toys. Or cook myself blind in that hot kitchen fixing the things I know he life and even his own cloud around. That's what you're talking. You think I don't accept that part because I'm strict with him because I make him do. Well his father is dead and he needs a firm hand except him. If I didn't accept him do you think I'd put out the money you take for his food and his medical bills. Do you think I'd welcome him and my

sister into my home with all the added fuss cost or an expense or spend the time I'd like to be spending some other way working with him making him do his exercises helping him to build up his strength. You call that rejection when all we're doing for Billy. And just what are they doing for Billy. What are they doing to Billy the inside Billy. What is happening to this child for for whom each feels that he or she is doing so much to find some of the answers to our questions. Let's talk to a Psychologist Dr. Philip war show who works with children and families and their ways of living together and who sees down what wrong paths are best intentions and can sometimes lead us. It's certainly it's certainly a privilege to have you as our consultant Dr. Warshel. And I'll start right out by throwing you a real straight

question. Phil. What just why is Billy a poor little boy. Well I think in this case hear the bell. We don't have to be psychologist really done the stand. And what's wrong with a family situation. I think it's rather obvious that here we have a family quite torn up about what to expect of Billy. Each person seems to have another idea. And it's heart of the boy too. Sort of satisfy all these people. You have the uncle who sees Billy as a physically perfect specimen the athlete the great man the football player you know the type. And that's of course on realistic. We know that Billy can never attain to that kind of perfection but unfortunately he begins to criticize and heckle Billy when he doesn't reach this kind of perfection. He calls them lazy and sloppy and spoiled and no account and that of course

raises some serious problem which is quite obvious. Then we have the grandmother. Of the poor little grandmother sort of wants Billy to stay a baby given the little baby spoon once again. She emphasizes weakness sickness and she's worried about him over concern that he gets all cold and you know the kind that we see quite frequently. So if we had only one of these attitudes let's say the grandmother ni uncle he wasn't even around. The kind of self-portrait which you described earlier that Billy could develop is one that he's a week. Sort of passive inadequate individual helpless and naturally you look at the world in the same lie that he is a helpless person he has to be weighed upon and in what film all these scenes were about the post-polio child it certainly isn't meant that these problems that we can discuss here are reserved for just the polio child there are typical of all children are very and or EVH Oh

yes they're typical of the so-called physically normal child and I myself can mention in many cases I had time of say the blind of the deaf child. For example if you take a blind child you say lose aside the age of 5 or 6 or even born blind. The parents may wait hand and foot upon the child never give the child a chance to move around to develop a feeling of independence of self-confidence. I think you are acquainted with some of these children who are almost living on a crutch although of the circle Paul the children's good. There are good examples good examples of this. I feel I'd like to ask you a question. What is your feeling about developing the object of attitude. The the parents getting the objective attitude. Bill it's very important somehow if we could get this data to develop what you and I know from our experience with parents that what we call the objective or scientific or unemotional attitude it's just impossible for parents to develop we should expect them to develop an objective that you mean impossible on their own because they're so emotionally tied to the child that's right.

But we know with guidance on counseling they could come fairly close to it and I think yes I think what we can do and this is very important probably bill that if we can give these parents a knowledge that their attitude their opinions of the child will gradually develop in the child the same kind of an opinion if you will feel somehow the child is a weak. In secure inadequate Persian The child takes on this concept of self portrait. If you have an attitude of rejection and dislike child a nuisance he's always in the way. The child develops a self portrait and naturally this child develops a portrait of himself as a slightly individual and wanted playmates to one of the family doesn't want to be is always criticized. He's going to develop an attitude of lack of self-respect a lack of self liking which is usually reflected in the dislike of other people. A person that really concerns labeling children doesn't it. I mean if you label a person something he's going to

try his best to live up to that label. Yes I think that throughout wife without our realizing it we label the child by what we do to him what we say to him and how we react to it. I think it's more important to emphasize what should be adequate what should be the kind of attitude that makes for a healthy adjustment. I think if we have to give any kind of a principle we should keep this in mind that if we could develop a respect. For the child's opinions forus feelings develop a feeling of confidence in him that we have. Developed also a feeling that is the liked that he's loved that he's accepted. I think that basis in the child self portrait. I think you've laid the basis of a healthy adjustment throughout his life. Well that's a real good point. There are two other points I'd like to bring up here Phil. One is this business many many parents overlook I know I have been guilty of what we're looking at at times and trying to raise my child. That's the idea that the more you do for a child the

less you can do for himself. The story I usually use is the child who sits in the corner and points to his mouth and says why indicating that he wants a drink of water. If the parents or someone around him would rush and get a glass of water for that child that child is never going to develop speech. He's not going to get up and walk and go to that water because he really doesn't have a need for going he can get what he wants with by gesturing. And secondly he just doesn't have an opportunity. Yes you've laid the basis really for a self-portrait of helplessness. Yeah. And why is that important. Very interesting. That it's because as he grows up he as an adult an adolescent is expected to attend to his wants. He must have certain responsibilities and obligations. If on the other hand you have a helpless person. Then we arrived at this particular mature age. He again expects the world take care of them and then we have a serious shot. The child now learns the world is not like his mother. They can't wait on them hand and foot. And that's where we have our difficulties

and maladjustment and problems that usually come into the clinic and look for guidance or for help. Well the second point I want to bring out was the idea about a child not being able to evaluate situations many many people have don't particularly feel that a child of two years of age does not have the ability is not capable of evaluating and I certainly don't agree with that do you. Oh I certainly feel the same way you do the same way you do about it Bill. I also must add this that if we can somehow respect a child's feelings. Given the consideration it deserves. For example the child gets angry gets upset and expresses it. We shouldn't punish him for expressing his feelings as hostility is resentment. His worries we should let him know that we can accept his feelings without criticism without punishment or is a part of the family's ruby heart then his feelings his opinions are very important if we can give him that respect all the time that patience that understanding at the same time guide him into the socially

acceptable channels. I don't mean to say we must respect his behavior say of anti social and social acts not talk about his feelings in his opinion. If we start early in life we don't have to worry about is an acceptable social behavior so we will lay the basis of guilt lack of self-respect or lack of confidence. Then we have to worry about the kinds of of socially undesirable behaviors that we have to control all the time and discipline. You say we have to learn this when we start learning this bill. Or we might start of course Bill right at birth sometimes of course being before birth that is with the attitude that parents have. And of course interesting here too Bill the parents have their own self-respect their own self like there's no real problem in giving the child that kind of respect. The problem we deal with many times in the clinic is that the parents themselves lack the self-respect the self confidence the self understanding which is reflected in their own. Attitude towards a child. This idea that you just brought out about when the parent should start learning this I think was put out very nicely in the first program of this educational series and for

your information and the information of the listeners. I like to say that we're going to bring out many of these problems that affect exceptional children in the next 10 11 pro-US there are many things that should be brought out. Start a war show me I thank you for being our consultant on this program you have done an outstanding job I think in your statements that you have brought up two or three very major points and I'd like to go back over those I believe number one you Lestrade the importance of a family attitude in the adjustment of children. Secondly the need for counseling and guidance and how one should attempt to develop an objective attitude in order to fully accept the child and his problems. Obviously we now understand some of the reasons Billy is the poor little boy. Poor little boy was brought to you by radio host the University of Texas. The third of a special series of programs titled child recorded broadcaster devoted to the exceptional children in our society

problem areas of difficulty in the avenues of adjustment open to that special consultant for this program was Dr. Philip or shall I sort of psychology and director of clinical training at the University of Texas. Our series commentator in Dr. William G. Professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas director of the Austin cerebral palsy center and a well-known lecturer in the field of special education. Poor little boy. Prepared for broadcast by the summer meal from a script by the Durham twins with special music by Eleanor Paige Adkins was Project Coordinator. Your announcer Bill captures the child beyond was produced by Radio house of the University of Texas under a grant from the Educational Television and Radio Center. This program is distributed by the National Association of educational broadcast. This is the end E.B. tape network.