Rex Stockton: Psyc -- Skits 1-8

And not just the male part of it but all the different wars we've been and saw in the war. Veronica tell me about what's been going on with you. Well I'm I'm a graduate student now and I'm pretty concerned about how I've been feeling before I take tests and I notice your hands you're kind of for you feeling a little nervous nellie there. Actually I'm I'm a little anxious. And how long have you been bothered by testings I.D.. I would say anywhere from five to six months. And what are the feelings that you have associated with that. I just become overly anxious I before I take a test I really think about it a law and then when I get in there I freak out and I panic and.

My stomach starts to hurt and I just feel really nervous. And are you aware of what you say to yourself when you're feeling this way. I would say I probably think a lot about failing the test and what would happen if I were to fail and things like who's on and do you feel this way in any other situations. Usually it's it's just revolves around school and test and being overwhelmed with everything that's going on. OK. Give me an example. Is there a situation this semester for instance where you have felt this way about a test actually a couple weeks ago I I had about three exams in in one week and I didn't really know how to study before hand and I I was really concerned about not being able to focus

on one specific exam I buy when it does take all of my time and study but I didn't know how to do it and really concerned me. So you can't concentrate and you have physical symptoms that make you feel anxious and you tell yourself that you're going to fail. You know I do that a lot. We have a way of helping people that have test anxiety. It's called systematic the sensitization and it's partly a behavioral strategy. And we we try to teach you how to relax. Do you notice if you have trouble relaxing. I do I tense up a lot. I think I'm pretty tense right now. And so it might be helpful for you and not just for tests but in general if you could learn how to relax and possibly I would think so.

And you've probably learned to feel anxious around tests and just as you've learned to do that you can learn to relax. And we asked we asked people who have this to learn how to relax and then how to associate relaxation with situations and images that had been anxiety provoking for them such as tests classrooms teachers. So how would you like to try to learn how to relax about tests instead of being anxious. I would I would really want to like to learn how to relax before testing. I had to do this. Why don't you tell me what it's like when you when you go in to take a test. What are some of the things that you see in some of the ways that you feel when you go into to the

room to take a test. Well I start to sweat a lot with my hands I start to fidget. My stomach I have butterflies in my stomach. I just sit down and I'm just kind of overwhelmed with just the idea of actually taking a test. OK let's go over that. You come into the room and you start to fidget fidget. My stomach gets upset I start becoming really anxious K. you start to fidget and you're you're so you start to feel your stuff stomach get upset. And what are some other things that might happen. I just kind of panic I just sit there and I just I don't know how to focus in on one thing. OK and then what are some of the the worst things that happen happen to you when you're feeling like that.

What are some of the worst things that had happened I felt like I was going to have to leave the room and get home and get sick so anxious. OK so let's say you come into the room and you start to fidget and maybe play with your hands or feel some tension in your hands and then you may tell yourself that you're you're worried you're not going be able to do well in the exam and then you might actually feel like getting sick. Mm hmm. OK what we're going to do is. Take each of those images from ones that aren't quite so anxiety provoking all the way up to the ones that are the most anxiety provoking. And with each stage at each level in that hierarchy I'm going to ask you to try to relax.

And what we're going to try to do is get you to relax while you're imagining yourself in those anxiety provoking situations. OK. And then when when it actually happens. What we hope is that each of those situations will actually be a cue for you to relax instead of feeling anxious. We also need to teach you how to relax and so I'd like to help you do that too. We we use a process called deep muscle relaxation and to do that you need to relax from your feet all the way up to your body. So why don't we just practice that for just a moment. Why don't we start with your feet. Can you just feel your your muscles in your feet. And let me ask you to tense them up just for a little bit and

then let them go. You feel a difference and then tense up your knees and see if you can feel a little more tension there then relax those. OK. Can you feel the difference. Well that's the process that we're going to use. So our teacher to learn how to relax and then we'll go through this hierarchy of images and with each image. I'll ask you to imagine yourself in that situation and then to relax and then we'll go to the next image and if you can feel relaxed then we'll go up to the the little a little more anxiety provoking situation. And if you can relax then they will proceed. All the way to the most anxiety provoking situation. And as you learn to relax each time you'll be able to control the experience that you

have felt what used to be a cause of anxiety. It will now become a cause of of of relaxation. So tell me is does this sound like it so a workable proposition. I think so. OK well we'll try it will first get you to feel some tension and then to relax and I hope it helps you. OK. So Bob tell me what brings you in today. Well I have to be here on the too thrilled about being here. They tell me I have a problem with anger. So once I get in an argument with my wife and then we got a little bit of pushing and shoving and you know so I have to be here. Did your argument end

with pushing and shoving. Well you know what I mean I walked around a little bit but it wasn't any big thing you know. Just when you say any big thing what is your idea about well I mean what is you know I don't I can't understand why they blame me. I mean I I warned her 10 times at least. That's just it's the same old thing like I tell or do something and she just doesn't listen. And I want to and she just keeps on until. Then we usually end up fighting and when you say fighting you mean physically fighting. Well yeah you know sometimes it's a lot but you know I mean it is it's not a nothing major and she's never had to go hospital or anything and when you engage in physical fighting with your wife does this alleviate

the situation do you get what you want well is to say man I can't you know I mean I start getting anxious and Mr. get just all tensed up you know and she just keeps on and on and you know tell him like the last time until this you know one of the door shut. She just you know she knew it. She can see it. And so sometimes the disk you do is loose control when you say lose control. What what does it feel like for you to lose control. Well I just get I get so mad I can't you know I just get real tense. I've got to go out somewhere. She didn't want to provoke it so let me ask you when you warn your wife to stop. She doesn't stop you know. So it's fair to say that you can't control what your wife does said true.

Yeah but if she would she would just listen we went to the polls. OK but up until now she hasn't listened. So I'm wondering if we can work together to find a way to change the way you interact with your wife. So this point your wife is in here and we can't really get her side of the story. I'm interested in what's going on with you and maybe changing how you deal with my wife and how you're doing this just like to just even be in here you know this is the type of thing. When I leave here I feel like you know she put me here. I mean that's the reason I'm here. And so it's just I mean I feel like I can just leave here and just go home. And and show her you know this. OK so you're really angry and agitated now. Tell me tell me what you're feeling. I want fidgety. Yeah. Yeah I feel I feel like I could if she was here it's a good thing she isn't here now because it's the type of thing that happens you know. You know what are your are your muscles tense I want to get your

shoulder you can feel just you know if you like to punch somebody. And are you breathing. I don't see yeah yeah that's it. I mean it's just you know and I'm used to you know I just like to say I just feel like kicking something you know hitting me and then that then my hair both ways you know. I mean so it's just the way I deal with them. She knew that she knew that coming out. That's the way I deal with them. OK that's the way we've always dealt with or always always that's when my dad dealt with its way with us way we deal with. OK I know you get a warning that though if you keep pushing with and then you get what you got go to she so you believe that she deserves this and she don't deserve. OK well let's let's talk some more about the kinds of situations that you get into that you feel like you are so angry that you can't control it and you feel like kicking your heading or pushing.

Can you can you give me an example of what it's like to tell me a story of the last time. Well last night we were sitting around the bathroom door we don't know why it was on my door it's going to shut the door and she just ignored me. To the north you know we're sitting right there. Get up and shut the door. She said no. So little she wouldn't get up and shut the door. And I just I get so mad at this and then it is causing me trouble. You know I'll be in the new one be in trouble now. Right. And she just got up shut the door the be no problem. So if we can work together and find a way for avoiding some of this trouble would you be willing to try it yanks next time the bashing no fun for me. I mean the last time they took me away with it.

What are we going to fix it up about what problem. Well we're not going to be able to solve your wife's problem now if that isn't the case. Maybe in the future you too can come in together and we can work from there. But right now it's just you and I talk about what you can do. So when you feel tense Do you feel it building like you get warning signs you know your body it's after I've had a bad day and I come home and you know it's just I mean I know it's just been a tough day and I'm just annoyed going oh I just was without real life a little bit. Yes OK we'll let her get tense. Is there somewhere else at your house that you could go to relax. Do you have a den a basement overrides. Why should I be there. Well again when you've told your wife to do other things she doesn't listen so I

can imagine if you tell her to leave she's going to listen this time so we're looking at ways that you can do things differently. It's not saying that anything is your fault we're not blaming her we're not blaming you. It's a situation that we're in and then we want to avoid again. So is there anywhere that you could go. Sure I can. Several Oh so is that an idea that you can try to separate yourself. And once you're in a safe place I should be the one to get up and leave the patient. I would just be OK. So maybe instead of going to another room in the house you could go out for a walk or run or ride a bike that would burn some of your energy. Is that something that you do. You know this is something right that you have tried that on a day would you be willing to try that you know and when we drive a lot of like oh OK do you want to talk about maybe another way we can start by leaving to mean that energy

you know we can try. Like I notice you're really tense and fidgeting I imagine you know if you breathe. Will that may help you relax. You know what it would feel like a lot of brush will probably get its way. OK well we're going to work on breeding next time you come in first session. OK. And until then I want you to try to separate yourself and do some physical activity maybe and to see if that helps. And we can check in again next week. This sounds like a good idea. Oh no problem. OK. Hi Julie and Matt how are you doing today. All right why don't we get started and first provide like you to tell me a little bit about

yourselves and your relationship. Man I would. Say four years ago now we've been married for about two years and we're just finishing up the masters program here and I you and I want to go on to screw us I've applied to Doctor programs and that is in the process of looking for a job. Lately it just seems like we're not sure we want to head in the same direction. OK Matt how do you feel about what's going on in your life right now. Well I was pretty much set on the in the chicago. And. Now looks like she's got plans to move to Michigan and that I mean. She doesn't. She told me four years ago when we first

met. That you know wherever we would go or wherever I was going to go then. That's where we're you know that's where we do end up and I told her a long time ago in the Congress Chicago but he knows I'm cool for three and a half years I said Chicago. And now it's Michigan. OK one thing I want to do before we go on is if I could I think what you're both saying is very important. And to make sure I get all the information if you can just make sure you don't interrupt one another and that way I can make sure you get both sides of your story because I'm sure. They're both really important guys. Let's continue let me thank you. I pretty much said. OK what I hear you saying. Matt. Is. You felt like Chicago has always been an option. You know Chicago wasn't an option that was the place we were going to go Clay wasn't ups.

And OK and Chicago was an option for you. Now it's not him because she wants to go to Michigan and that's it doesn't even Chicago doesn't even seem to be a good an option anymore it seems like. I think it was an option. But my family just moved back to Michigan and I'm ready to be back in Michigan. And not never had a problem with this. He likes my family gets along with my family. I don't see what's wrong with Missy. It's not her family it's not then what is it. I don't I told you a million times what it is it's every time this comes up. OK I'll tell you what it is it's her boyfriend her ex-boyfriend. He has nothing to do with it. I mean he lives in the same town that you want to go to. It's not that obvious. And it's. Sounds like you're you're nervous to go back to the place where her boyfriend is from. But is that part of the problem.

I'm not nervous about anything and we're supposed to go to Chicago. Three and a half years we've been there. Why what we did we both did. Three and a half years for three and a half years I said. We're going to Chicago. We said we're going to Chicago now it's like all of a sudden you know you hear from your boyfriend your ex-boyfriend and he and now it's like how about Michigan. And then Nash is trying to tell me she's like Well my family's there and yeah I do get along with her parents but. Why Chicago. Ask him why he wants to go. Why don't you ask him why. I have family had the money to buy me a new home. His family is not there and why should I choose my family over him and that's why you can't sound like you feel that your family is very important to you.

Yeah I think you know and so's mine but your family is an established anywhere they're not in Chicago. There you go no I haven't. Like if we stay in Chicago Chicago is halfway in between like her hometown and my hometown but if we meet with dad again right every time I look I really do want to hear you say just once I can so I can hear you saying that we don't miss out on either one. She does it all the time. My sky goes halfway in between. And. If she wants to go home and see her family which she does all the time and then that's fine whatever. If we go if we move to Michigan I'll never see my family. It's like two hour why should she be able to have her. I mean why should she be able to see her family all the time and I won't be able to see much. But if my family's idea stablished in Michigan in then we have a support system in there for they'd have children that we have like the grandparents right there his family is not established anyway they're

not set anywhere. OK I want to address what you said in just one second. That sounds to me like your feel that not only has your family been discounted but what you say is being discounted Is that accurate. Yeah pretty much because she doesn't she doesn't know. That it takes me. She's all right. Three and a half years ago we started talking about moving to Chicago. I was three and a half years ago. Think of all the things we talked about back then and you talk about so many things that was never set in stone. And then says Rose writes a pretty good idea how did your boyfriend those back to your hometown and now you want to. Now you have nothing to do. Dear tour stop. And. Hear what the other was saying. I listened to him I hear him all the time.

Obviously she doesn't Earls. And you feel as if you're heard. When you speak to him. No I don't I think he's been set on Chicago and he won't even consider going to Michigan. Is this this kind of pattern or is this a pattern peer relationships or is it just isolated in this situation. I think men get along very well and I don't think that. Other than this topic. That we have a fight. So this has been a real stressor for the two of you. I just I don't understand how you can go for three and a half years wanting to. I mean she always tells me she wants to go where I go and now I have an opportunity to you know go to go to the city that we talked about for really awesome doesn't even have a job there yet so we go there and I don't have a job

anywhere but we talked about living in Chicago for three and a half years since what I hear the problem being from both of you is that you don't feel like you're getting your point across and I see this in your and your body language too. Matt when you're talking I see you kind of like an office and the same is true when Joy is talking and I see I see you kind of looking up and the look on your face very fresh. As being very frustrated. What I'd like to try is a talking box and instead of talking. To me I'd like to direct the conversation which other than talking to me who does what I'd like you to do is just try this at home and and fit sit in chairs facing one another and talk directly at each other using I statements. And why don't you take that home and try that and come back next

week and let me know about those. Cold cold would show me how things have been since our last meeting. Things have been just so wonderful things are going really great at my job my apartment is clean and I'm going out like dancing with my friends on the weekends. You know what I was thinking about this whole ride I think. I think it's because of you. I think it's because of all the wonderful things that you've been helping me do that. And since like I think about when I was having a lot of problems before and I'm not anymore and I and I think it's because you've been helping me work

on on all kinds of stuff like like like the money management stuff that we talked about like we talked about like don't really concrete stuff. Well since I've been doing that I've been I've paid my bills and I also have money left over for you to like shop. So I've been buying new jewelry and I've been buying clothes although they're used clothes. I'm so buying clothes. And we talked about like other stuff to do with my anger. And so instead of cutting myself I mean I say so myself but it's really not. It's really only like maybe once a day or every other day. But stuff doesn't matter because like with like managing my money I'm I'm buying like Dori in the covers it. And so I guess it's really not a problem. So I don't know I guess I'm rambling but I think I just want to tell you that I'm really glad that you're my friend no more doing this work to make make make my life a lot easier for me to live.

I'm glad you've been working so hard at it. And Sheen approached you know saying I'm work Bobbitt and I think it's just because it's because you're really wonderful. It's like like when I think about like when I was a kid I used to watch Sesame Street and everyone's touch me Street is so happy I just feel I just feel really happy you know. Like there's I think there's even a song out there that tapi like I drive I drive my car and I turn on every radio and there's happy on the radio and and I think and I think about like like coming here every week you know and it makes me happy. Yes well that's good that's good. OK you know and as we have discussed that we have several more meetings that we can help. I'm happy about that too you know. OK but we also have to be looking at when you go on here but I'm glad to see that you're making progress and that's what I think I think you should say that we're making progress. That you continue to use what you've learned and keep it on in the you know.

I mean I know I mean I know I can stuff but I just told you that I'm managing my money. I told you that I like buying new jewelry and you haven't even said anything to me about it. Like what. What's that about. Like why. Why don't you care. I thought you were my friend. I hear it here I'm doing all this really really good work and you sit over there and you look at me like you're all calm and you tell me yeah you're doing good work but you don't and you know I don't believe you. If you cared you would say you would say wow those are really great earrings Michael. And you let me tell you how I had to buy them at they get like it's antique rolling like cut the clips off and by the post was added to the craft store and then I could tell you how because I go to the craft store and I have money to do all this stuff. So you just sit over there and you say you think I'm crazy don't you think you're getting very upset and we can hear you getting upset when you get upset if like your best friend we're like your mom like you came in and no one cared to ask you about what's going on or comment on the things that you're doing.

You didn't say anything to me about the message I left you this week about getting a new puppy. You know that's a really big responsibility and I wasn't even able to be responsible before yeah I'm getting mad. What do you expect me to do. Well it looked like but to discuss let's discuss it. Does discussing mean that we have like a conversation back and forth. I don't see the conversation I see me telling you I'm doing really great things and you go on home home. I see you like behind your eyes you're sitting there because you've gone to school for a couple years and you're going yeah this woman is crazy. Yeah so she can balance your checkbook. I mean that's great is long as she can write a check to pay my bills. You know I'll be OK. Like this is not right. Like and like what am I am I so when you hear about am I like a friend like you're trying to help work through or am I like your paycheck. Can can we triumph is that why we started with money management so I could pay you. Well I think we should work on your own on what we've talked about being angry and you know we can control that anger control my anger.

Tell me please PLEASE FIX ME great Bob. How do I control my anger. I thought we're supposed to like sit with our feelings and express our feelings and I'm doing that and you tell me to control it. You're totally sending me mixed signals. That's something else that we talked about sending mixed signals to people because I make friends with people and then they like think I'm weird and they go away. And that's been a problem for me and I think that some of the we've talked about before I know you're not doing anything but that in the exact same thing that they're doing going you sending me mixed signals. Didn't you know the school not to send mixed signals. No no we're here to help you. Let's let stories around here. Lynn help me thanks me. Do something tell me what should I do. Well you were said you were doing much better. And then let's let's talk about that a little bit all things well things have gotten better for you. Let's see if we can talk about the calls for you a little bit. Call me down a little bit. Just relax. I know people care and I want to relax. I think I think I think you really don't like me.

That makes me mad and I know I don't know why I even come here. Why do you come here. I come here because my parents make me them because like I was put in the hospital and because I was ruining all my stupid clothes because they kept cutting my arms and it was just a big hassle and I wasn't even able to live by myself. And so that's why I'm here. OK. Strain that's what we're going to work on. We're going to work on and we still held for so long she lives home will still have several sessions and will be able to work and we have several more said yes we do. Yes we have several and we'll be able to work on them. You're going to help me and we're going to do our best. How many more sessions or Yeah well we can take a look at that out so well. We'll certainly be together again next week and we can discuss and she'll do we go for you and you're in you're going to remember to ask me like I'm doing with that please you. Yeah. Or you know think about how wonderful I'm doing this week so I think I'm

here next week I'll be able to help me. OK are you planning on having good weeks on this week. Yeah I'm going to have a good week. I went to have a good week I told you at the beginning session I've been doing very you know it's into becoming don't quite a bit. Why would I become so silly but. I have I don't want to come here to you. You know when I when I leave I go to my car. I do think about that Happy song like I have a song from when I was a kid they used to sing they used to make my dad laugh during a scene where they were just about out of time today but I think they would be a good way we can start this next week. OK if we don't. OK OK OK well thank you very much for coming in and I hope the week is good for you. That would be good. I see you next week. OK. For the past few months anything I do I can't make

myself happy. I just felt really down and sad. I don't have any appetite. And this ability for a few months for you know yeah probably a long two months. You tell me you say you don't have any appetite to get a new way launch. My friends say that they've noticed weight loss like this I just don't really pay attention to it anymore. Maybe 10 poems or so. How about sleeping. Oh have you been sleeping. Not good and that's seems weakening more so I have a really hard time falling asleep at night. Maybe try to go to bed like around 10 or 11 and I can't call sleep until 12 or so and then wake up at 3 o'clock and really have a hard time getting back to sleep.

And then all I can think about just how everything's going so bad in my life. What can you tell that more what's going to better know what's what. Well I just can't do anything right anymore. I'm not doing as in schools I would like. My boyfriend is talking about wanting to call things off and that scares me I don't know what it was like to be alone and when things are bad now when I have someone low on when I'd be alone so much with quite a bit going for it right now. And how long have you been with your boyfriend. Three or four months. And you're going to school when you're so your greatest joy didn't drop off or they're not as good as we'd like them to be but they're starting to drop off a little bit. I feel like I no matter what I do I just can't make them

good I can't make anything good. Have you any thoughts of hurting yourself and not hurting myself. When I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes I tend to think about death a lot. I don't know what I want to hurt myself. Can you tell me a little bit more about that you think about that. What do you think. One that I think about me well enough to worry about everything being so bad that I haven't really thought about a play and I'm really wanting to hurt myself. I just think death has me peaceful. You say you haven't thought about it. Well if you do something how you would do it. But do you have anyone that would think it really bad that you can talk to recall a situation like that.

I try to talk to my boyfriend but things aren't going very well. I like to talk to my father not. He lives OK. Well there are several things that I think of that we need to take a look at and one of the things before we leave I would like to make a contract with you if that's agreeable with you that if things get to whether they're still difficult that you can call me that. But then I can be reached I'll give you a number that you can call and I'll also leave you with a couple of numbers of the local mental health services. And that doesn't seem like that's the situation with you right now but I would like to have that agreement and a contract with you in that situation. One other thing I kind of want to touch on is you had said a couple times you said you can you can never be sure you're never happy anymore. Can you think

of any time that your happiness in the last week or two weeks just any one time now. Sometimes when I'm when I listen to music sometimes it's OK. OK show me. I feel a little bit better. If you can see that helps. Anything else. I have a dog. She makes me the happiest. That's right. There are a couple sayings and that we can do. And then I suggest that we try that. That when you when you start feeling just really blowing down the place of the music that you enjoy or even if you're having trouble sleeping you can try putting on some you enjoy trying to get a more pleasant thoughts and think about your dog.

One of the things we do that went into pressures that way without looking at things just never. All this is something that we can work on. There's a number of things that we can do to work with that. In the let's say the one thing that we want to make sure that we do is make an agreement if it gets to tell you you start feeling really upset that you get a call. You also want to help. Yeah. Can I ask. Are you feeling any different now than from when you first started. It's still like you're going to try to help me. It's made you want to feel better and you want to feel happy. And so sometimes talking with someone can help them as well. And you had mentioned that that you can talk with your father. I should just add something else that we took a look at is that having avenues that we can discuss this with share feelings

well well. Well thank you for coming in will schedule another appointment for next week. And also want to take a look and look at the contract. Give me some numbers. Or that you can call if you need any help. OK. Thank you very much. OK so I spoke to you on the phone. You had said that you wanted to maybe come in and talk and I'm really glad that you did. I'm just going to if you tell me what's going on. I don't even really know where to start telling you what's going on with me. I just I just I'm just not a happy day today. I mean I'm not I'm not sad I'm just

I just think there's more to what should be going on with my life and there really is. You could you tell me a little bit about what is going on in your life. Where are you right now. Well I'm a college student so I spend most of my time studying. It's pretty much been that my course of history throughout started very young studying grades were always important grandfather was a doctor. My dad was a doctor. I'm going to be a doctor. So I'm studying biology chemistry. Everything now just like you always do but I don't really do anything right. I just just study and learn about things that I don't I don't even care about really I mean I want to I want to know. I want to know what why this flower blooms without knowing how it was. That's all I could tell you how the flower blooms by one of the water. What was the what was the flower for the thought of your life.

Like do you have a strong family background in high achievers and their doctors and you're going to become a doctor because your dad didn't because your grandpa did and maybe I have had your life so far as books and studying and you want to see if there's more there. There's got to be more I can't I can't imagine any people I see everybody else and they're not doing they're not studying all the time my friends are out. You know playing games having other social events and going to bars and you know clean sports. Can you tell me like What else do you do besides study you've got to do something else with their time to exports music is there some other interests. I read some novels but even now on almost I'm tired of that. I don't I don't I don't know how to pretty much most of your time is spent with books and studying and getting through school time. Does that come easy for you. Oh yeah very very easy I mean I I think it's I don't know whether it's because I just have the ability to do it because I have devoted myself to it so all I know is that the results are

there and that you know the results are there. What about after school. What do you do generally when you leave school. What do you get done with class now heading back to the dorm an apartment. Yeah I'll usually grab a bite to eat I go back and sit down close myself in my room and have a book and just read him. I put on some music in the background some soft music and and just read. Read my studies basically. She spent a lot of time alone. Yeah yeah I do actually. Do you like the presence of others do you like when you're in class and you're sitting there next to some people usually talk with. Yeah for the most part yeah but even that in itself doesn't you know make me happy you know. I guess I enjoy it I enjoy it as much as you know being alone but I just I don't.

OK. And on the weekends like how do you spend your time. What do you do when you're not in class. Friday night comes Saturday afternoon when he attend night pretty much study. Yeah yeah the same thing. Yeah I heard you mention sometimes and you go back and you shut the door and you're in there alone that you listen to music. WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO US. Yeah I like to listen to the classics classic classical music you know. What are some of your favorite bands. Oh yeah Beethoven of course Master. Those types of things. Yes. Yeah Scott Damn I like to engage conversation like and talk to people about this interest you like to just listen to by yourself. I don't know who would want to talk about that stuff with me. Yeah I would love to talk about that would you have some interest in the classics too and I

think I'd enjoy talking about that. All right. Tom you are doubtless when you're in the room. Not studying you know listening to music and the people back home you cause I heard you say you know your family your dad's doctor your grandma a spin doctor. Yeah they they call sometimes they go call me check check see how my grades are I'm doing ok I'm learning everything and you know sometimes my dad will quiz me on medical terms that's kind of nice. Do you ever talk about things other than medicine other than books. Now now I'm anyone. Sometimes my Ossett are in my room and I guess the more I think about it I kind of the watch little bit TV every now and then. Something about TV What kind of programs to discovery. Yeah that's from the Travel Channel. It's kind of nice why the I watch the Travel Channel and I see you know Austria I want to go to Austria I want to find out you know what's what's going on there way

to go there live and different there. They seem different than we are what why are they different. So have you done channeling. No I don't have time so I don't know. And what I'd like and the Discovery Channel. Do you like other than like challenge you like the things about flowers or dimension that you wonder why that father do what makes it what other things they just can't tell me they can't tell me why. They tell me how and I want to know why. But I like to think about why I guess when you're sitting around the Rumanian watching TV do you guys ever talk about these things. You know I don't like anybody stammered out well I don't why why would they understand. They're not like me. You know Chris this is just the first session and I really enjoyed talking with you and I think

that we have a lot of areas that we can explore I think with the travel and the music in T. There's a lot more to you than just studying. And I think if you'd be interested in coming again next week I think there's a lot of things you can start talking about. Yeah. You're on TALK OF US we're going to talk about Beethoven in fact you some of those things. Yeah that sound I hear. OK well thanks for coming in Chris and I'll see you next week. Sir I could tell by the tone in your voice in the. The most frantic nature of your phone call that this is something really important. But you know you really didn't mention what it was but I could really tell that this was something important for you and I'm

really curious. I called you I am free. I just found out that I'm pregnant and I had I don't know what to do I've been through my options. I cannot have an abortion that would like ruin me psychologically I can not give it up for adoption I cannot carry a baby for nine months and then give it away. And I cannot have a baby because it will ruin my future and I don't I don't know what to do and I'm seeing you because you've always always kind of helped in the past and and you know like if you. Just kind of guide me or help me or something that I do because I can't. This is not something that I know how to deal with and this is completely unexpected and so now I don't know what to do. Yeah I sense a lot of emotion in that these are saying I see a lot of fear in your face right now and I just want to start by sort of getting a grasp on what you're saying. Are you sure that you're primed positive I went to the doctor and everything the test was completely positive. Song I'm sure I can and you've outlined some choices. Did you write I mean basically the reactions that everybody has when they're pregnant you can either

have a baby or you can give it up for adoption or you can have an abortion I considered all three and like I said I don't think any of those are ones that I could do myself. Right off I can tell you that really most of us. Yeah. What I haven't told my boyfriend yet either and that's another source of stress because I don't know I don't know if I should decide what I'm going to do before I tell my friends the time when we should talk about it I mean we haven't been dating that long like maybe four months or something and so this is a completely unexpected and I have no idea how he's going to deal with that he told me on my ass for all I know so I'm getting really freaked about this like that's another and my parents they're going to freak out like this as I'm in college I'm not supposed to be having babies. So you're afraid to talk to these people. Yeah the writers write because they are my support system and if I don't have if they get all pissed off and I have them then. Where am I. Your eyesight. That's right. That sounds really scary. Yeah.

I guess I mean can you tell me can you help me. Can you tell me something that that I could. I don't know I mean I don't know what the next step should be and saw you know. I mean I feel like you want an answer from me. Yeah. And I think you feel most desperate right you want to answer right. What I can't do is give you an answer. What I can do is just help you explore how you feel about each of each of your choices. Right. I well I'll tell you I cannot have an abortion like that isat I'm so like like you know I'm pro-choice and everything but for myself that is not something that I could do with my own child and so that's a real issue for me I can't do that. And then adoption I just don't think I could carry a child for nine months and have it be mine and then just give it up. And then if I had the baby I mean I have this whole life course planned out and that's not something that really fits into my plans right now and and so there's I mean I I don't see any options and I I don't know what to do and and I don't know what my boyfriends but I did know that he doesn't want a baby right now we use birth control we did everything this was a complete accident and he's probably

going to think it's my fault or something but I don't. I mean I don't know what there is for me to do. I mean I feel and you know it's not like I have all the time in the world to think about this either. I can't just you know sit in think and go through the options a hundred times. You know every day I have to decide this and make a decision before it becomes too late and then I'm forced into a decision you know. So in that way you would actually be making the decision by making the decision. Yeah and that's not exactly what I want to do I mean I want this to be rationalized I wanted to be thought out but at the same time my head is so messed up that I can't think of what the next step should be. So it's very hard. Yeah. Well you mention one stop already that the abortion you don't feel comfortable with. That's an option. So if at same time I don't want it you don't want the child. No not now. You know like five years down the road maybe a year maybe if I was married maybe if I was ready to start a family but this isn't exactly something that fits into my current plan.

So it sounds like part of your part of the problem here is going to be you know redefining what your current plan is. Yeah. So I mean I guess I could talk to my boyfriend but I bet I'm risking the whole relationship. And I mean there's no way I can marry him right now like that is completely also not in the plan. And so I did. You know I don't know. Like if you have any ideas at all or I you know I mean it sounds like you're coming up with a lot of really good ideas on your own. Such Yes. Well you first if you eliminated the abortion right. Oh another thing to you to mention that you're mine. You're you know you're all messed up because what you said and I think that that's you know that you're probably you're thinking you're so hectic and I think recognizing that's important so you not pressure yourself to make this decision immediately because I recognized as I wanted to be decided. Like I want this to be like not there anymore.

Do you want this to be gone right now. So it seems like what it seems like. You feel pressure to do something right. That I don't know do you think I should talk this over with my boyfriend do you think that would be a good idea because I mean I'm going to have to tell him eventually I can't just pretend I'm not pregnant. And then lo and behold one day I am HUGE or something. So I mean I have to tell him I can't just not tell him. But at the same time that I mean then we I have a feeling that he won't want to be with me anymore. From my previous encounters I know that you have a large support network. All right and in the past you've gotten comfort from that. No is that is that something that you feel like I haven't told any of my friend Jodi there I mean I just I don't really like the whole outcast you know like there's it's not just some something that happens you

know you know I mean usually when girls get pregnant at college or that like they go home they have a baby and whatever this is not you know like this is not something that I want to do I have to give up my whole social scene I have to give up college pretty much because I'd be too embarrassed to stay here I can't I don't know. It sounds like you have a lot of things to consider and that perhaps in our next session you know we can address what the next step for you should be. Can we make that session like soon. Sure. Thanks. One thing that I think we should address with her. You know you should be thinking about as you know how you want to implement your support system into your life and what role you want to play some of the session. Rhonda could you tell me what you're here for today.

Because I'll start. Well I mean that was court ordered to come to counseling basically because of an incident that happened with our son. Abuse was involved. And she called the cops. Well he had slapped our son and our son fell down and hit his head. So I felt that I needed to call the police. It's the first time over my kid. You know what but again. It is the first time and I'm not very concerned about him having him again but I don't know that I'm not 100 percent. Sure that attack will be the case 20 times that night. I was like you know he was fine. You had a little bump on his head. And then she's all bawling her head off. You knocked him down and he had his head up and. OK first of all I realize that there's a lot of emotion going on with the two of you right now. There's joint point and then I hear what both of you are saying. So if we can try and not interrupt

one another she interrupts Male time. He never listens. OK for the session let's just try and run a coin Matt speaking let him finish the sentence and then I'll give you a chance to tell me what you're feeling too. OK so you're here because of a physical incident that went on between you and your son. Right. Could you tell me a little bit about how that came about. Well it was one more time where I had to be the disciplinary and in our family. She never does anything. Our son Chris will do something to piss me off and she'll come into the room and she'll say something like You know I'm out want to do something about that and I'm like why don't you do something about it and then she's like she's searchin yelling at me and pisses me off even more. And so on that particular night he was

I don't remember. He's like I think it was like drawing on the wall right by the TV set. And I was like read the paper. And she comes in and she sees him doing that and she comes over to me and starts yelling at me and then I got all pissed off at her because I'm like well you know your kid sitting right over there why don't you do something about it. So then he starts screaming because mom and dad are in a fight again. And so I start yelling at her and then he comes over and says you know quit yelling at mine and which pissed me off even more because then she stands up for him. And so you know he's been following. And so I just got so ticked off and I back and. And he stumbled back just a little bit in his head and he ate. He got hurt. Yeah well right away I knew that it was wrong

and I apologize. I apologized to him and she knew she had just pushed me too far. She knew it she does that all the time she knows exactly what buttons to. No it's not about not is about how you deal with conflict you don't know how to deal with conflict you know exactly how you say what you say emotionally and verbally abusive things to our son all the time and that's what I'm concerned about and that's why I'm here. But I want you to get help. This is what I hear you saying that number one I hear you saying that you feel like you're the only person in your household. I am doing just fine with your son Chris. And you feel like you don't you know get a support from Rhonda when you do that you know and so on the one. So Chris hates me. So how do you how do you feel. We could work with Monica to help you not taken some responsibility for this for I don't take responsibility because he does too much heat. I feel that our son deals with so much that he can't take any more.

I feel that I need to be the nurturing one because he's always the abusive verbal ie yelling at him telling him he's stupid and he's worthless so money's got its own. That's not how you raise a child. Those are hurtful things he's going to grow up and he's going to remember those things are going to be fun. So that the thing that I'm something between the two of you is there's a lack of communication on how you should discipline your son. I don't see there's any like communication I'll tell it doesn't do what I tell him to do. And I'm supposed to do what you tell me to do. That's that's how it works. It's supposed to be communiqu I'm not talking about everything I'm talking about discipline you never take it you don't take any role as a parent for discipline you're using that you can be all nice and nice and he's going to do what you say he won't. OK we went over this a thousand times but how does that make up for you being the way you are. I see my fault then. But that doesn't make up for you being the way

you are with him. OK a lot of what I'd like to try with you is something called the talk box. I like you you can work on this a home but I'd like you to try here. I want to start talking to each other in telling talk talking to Brahma cub about how you feel about you being the only person in the house doing the discipline and instead of blaming her for it using I statements to tell her how you feel about it. And I want you to do the same thing to Matt to explain to him how you feel about the way that he is verbal with your son. So can you right now talk with each other or talk to each other not at each other about how you're feeling and what's going on. I just feel that it's hurtful it's hurtful to me when you say the things that you do to him. And I feel that that it's really going to hurt him in the long run. And I wish you could work on those things and you've said before you that you've said things to him that you wish you hadn't said.