Front Street Weekly; 707; Special Parents

[theme music] Good evening, I'm Jim Swenson. Good evening, I'm Gwyneth Gamble-Booth. Welcome to this edition of Front Street Weekly. Tonight we're devoting our entire half hour to one subject. Our reporters call it special parents. [Swenson]: To social workers these families are called M.R.D.D., mentally retarded or developmentally disabled. They are headed by parents whose intelligence is far below average. A couple of key definitions: retarded is a term that refers to specific low IQ levels. Developmentally disabled is a newer term that broadens that definition to include people with slightly higher IQs. [Gamble]: And we're not talking about the severely retarded here, but people who are truly capable of caring for themselves. These families are all but ignored by their communities and social service agencies, but their numbers continue to grow. Tonight we'll meet four of them.

Reporter Marilyn Deutsch has our story. [music-box music] "I am a little red fire engine. Firefighters hang on tight to me." It is hard to say who enjoys the story more, three year old Anthony or his 35 year old mother Marjorie Sawmee [?]. "I sound my alarm" [makes alarm sounds] Marjorie reads only as well as a fourth grader. She is borderline retarded. Her son Anthony is normal. "Everyone hears. Everyone hurries out of my path." "Hurry, hurry."

There are just the two of them. Marjorie and Anthony are mother and son. They are playmates too. No one could doubt Marjorie's love for Anthony but some question just how well she and other intellectually limited parents can raise their children, provide safe, nurturing environments for growing bodies and developing minds. "I know I love you. Do you know I love you?" The average IQ is 100. Marjorie Sawmee's IQ is just 72, which makes her a member of a growing class of mentally handicapped citizens who are also parents. This new class is a social phenomenon across America and here in Oregon, a direct result of legal and social reforms from the 1960's and '70s. Deinstitutionalization brought the mentally retarded and the developmentally disabled into the community.

Special education is providing them with advantages they never had before, and the end to routine sterilization guarantees reproductive rights to the mentally retarded. More and more they are having children. In the Portland area alone, there may be 900 such families. "He saved the deer, Anthony." Marjorie and Anthony don't know it, but they are at the center of a controversy concerning the retarded's right to have children versus their childrens' right to grow up in a good home. "With these families, you know the parents just dearly love their children and it's just for lack of cognitive ability that they're able to not carry out the task, they're not able to carry out the task." "The fact is, is that, you know, people with developmental disabilities can raise children but they are going to have problems. They need resources, they need some help in that process."

Despite common belief, mental retardation is rarely genetic, and like many, perhaps even most children born to retarded parents, Anthony himself is not retarded. Not now at least. But that could change. Anthony could fall victim to what is called environmental retardation. Simply put, if Anthony fails to receive the intellectual stimulation that most children get at home, he will be unable to keep up with kids his own age. "A, B, C, D, E, F, G" [Singing] Each week Anthony and Marjorie attend Head Start, a preschool. Both come to learn. Anthony learns to explore, Marjorie to

parent. Marie Moreland runs the program. "She needed to be taught what was appropriate at what age. You know, what sorts of activities Anthony should be doing and what's appropriate at what age. I know specifically last year, the staff worked with Margjorie on how, um, to give Anthony some more freedom, how to, how to let him be a 2 year old without the sort of grip on his arm everywhere that he went, which is difficult for a two-year old. [Is it hard for you as he is growing older and getting more independent?] A little. [In what way?] "He seems to want to do too many things right away that are a little over his head." Think that's.

Comfortable for her. But not necessarily good for Anthony. [child fusssing] You, Stop. Stop. With two young sons, Diana Johnson, just 23, has her hands full. Jeremy is not yet one. [Diana] Jeremy's easy. I don't see no problem. [Marilyn] Nick is three. [Diana] Nick's the one I have the trouble with. He's just hyperactive..he doesn't listen. [inaudible] Sometimes. Like when he's showing off, you don't. [child fussing] Stop it. [Marilyn] Like Marjorie,

Diana is a single mother and also, according to social workers, she is borderline retarded. For anyone raising children is a tough job. For Diana Johnson, it can be an extraordinary burden. Even daily routine is a challenge for Diana. Nutrition and cleanliness are new skills. Until recently the state's Children's Services Division had to send someone in to show Diana how to clean her home. I've garbage laying around the kitchen and stuff, it use to stink in here and stuff. Physical child abuse among the developmentally disabled is not considered a problem, but neglect is, whether unmeaning or accidental. Parenting often requires you to do at least two things at once.

That's almost impossible. Experts say the majority of the retarded can be taught to parent, but as a rule the retarded think concretely, not abstractly, so it is hard for them to apply what they've learned in one situation to another. It's hard to know what to do if their children develop. Diane is worried about her kids getting older. Kid's work is easy. [Marilyn] What about when they get older, when they get to be teenagers or something? [Diana] I don't know, I think some I could. At age 21 Diana Johnson received her special education high school diploma. For her two boys,

Diana has even higher expectations. I don't know, just wanna be smart, go to college. So you do want them to go to college? Have better. Social workers believe both children were born with normal intelligence, but so far Nick at age 3 is barely speaking, his words not recognizable. [child babbles] It is not clear whether Nick is truly hyperactive or simply lacks a firm hand. Jeremy, the baby, is unusually quiet. [baby sounds, music playing] Mother [inaudible]

with reading and math.. momma.. mom..I know some are working. Yes, but you get fired off of three jobs! [Marilyn] The Kilpatrick family is getting ready for church. It's early Sunday morning. Mother.. Anita and Leonard Kilpatrick have been married 21 years. My mother, my brother, my stepdad was all telling me get married get married you're too wild. Anita is retarded. Her IQ, perhaps just 55 . [inaudible] Leonard is was considered borderline retarded. Together they are raising a full house. Five of six kids still live at home. There's Leonard Jr., Anita Jr. and Ruth, Willie, Louise, and Louise's boyfriend Vincent who recently moved in with the Kilpatricks. You were uh, a little nervous about having children because you're retarded. Yes that's true. What were you thinking about?

Ok, everybody was telling me I should not ever have children because I'm retarded. Mother.. ..dropping her..mother. Did you want the children? There was a couple I might get one. But I ended up getting them anyway. I tried to kill, I tried.. I did manage to kill one bunch but I did't manage to kill the other one. What Anita means is that she's had several miscarriages. It's not clear whether she meant to cause them. Mom.. Were you worried about your children being retarded? Three of them are retarded. There's three of them that are retarded? Leonard Jr., Willie and Louise are all retarded. Would you like to have children? No no way. My my my my. Are you happy that some are retarded and some are not happy about

happy about. But that's the way God made em If someone had told you before you had children that you would have three retarded children and three normal children, Would you have not had children? Yeah, I would still have children. Because the ones who isn't, that's the ones [inaudible] At the Association for Retarded Citizens, Bill West is Leonard Kilpatrick's caseworker. The normal kids in the Kilpatrick's family, they're going to get stimulus from other areas, not just from their home but from other areas. There's no doubt about that. But because the home lacks resources, unfortunately they're going to lack some abilities. They're giving up something to be in that home. One of the Kilpatrick children felt the sacrifice was not worth it. With their parents permission, sixteen-year-old Esther Kilpatrick left home.

I wasn't really unhappy. It's just I got in a lot [inaudible] I started skipping school and just staying home and then I was [inaudible] For the past two years. essther Kilpatrick has lived in a foster home. Her father Leonard explains why. She would [inaudible] [inaudible] in the Roosevelt school and they said there ain't nothing you can do about it. They said she [inaudible] Why did Esther leave home? Well if that was your [inaudible] so then.. What was [inaudible]? These teachers they put the pressure on you [inaudible] lettin them go to school and [inaudible] all they could do was call her [inaudible] and I felt at her age there was nothing I could do.. Your parents didn't make you go to school? No. They tried to make me but I just had excuses. I put

my clothes in the washer and said my clothes are in the washer and I can't go, just find different ways to get out of going. Esther does not quite know why she was both an unable to live at home and go to school. But her foster mother Marie Helbush has some idea. What can you give her that her own family doesn't? Well, maybe stability, or, uhm a home where she can go away from and feel like she's.. Somebody. Reporter: I gather you're pretty bright. Is it hard, maybe to be smarter than your parents? Ester: Well, like if we go to a restaurant and Mom will stick a napkin in her shirt and won't put it on her lap, and I'll try to tell her those aren't quite manners. Or instead of spilling food on herself she should maybe wipe the spoon on her [inaudible]

little things like that. She doesn't..I try not to boss her around, or tell her what she should or shouldn't do, because she's my mom. [background noise]It is painted over now but once neighborhood vandals scrawled the words retard house on the garage door. Without that label, you might never notice the Mars family. They live in a modest neighborhood on the outskirts of Eugene, Oregon. Wayne and Conny Mars are a striking example of the developmentally disabled, who for the most part, fit into mainstream

America. They met more than 17 years ago in their special education classes. Of four children, only 15-year old-Christina is mentally retarded. Christinia: Oh cool! You gave me my birthday, Mom. Mom: Can you say Thank you? Yeah. Where's your daddy? [inaudbile] Daddy? When we visited the Mars family their 16 year old son Jonathan had just moved out after a bitter and violent fight with his mother. Jonathon is very bright and apparently learned he was smarter than Mom. Reporter: Are you glad he's out of the house? Connie: In some way, yeah. Why? Well he thinks that I don't know anything. You know, I'm dumb. I'm stupid. You know. And like I told him, I says...Hey, if I was dumb, and I was stupid, how can I manage paying bills, taking care of a house,

having a family, being close with them, and do all sorts of stuff like that? People couldn't do it if they were dumb. I mean, if they were really..[child interrupts] ..out. So, I told him, I says, there ain't no reason why I should be dumb or stupid. Reporter: Did he call you names? Yeah, he called me names. He called me a bitch, he called me a slut, you know, and a few other things. I marched right here Just before the Mars family sat down to dinner, Jonathan did stop by, but he did not wish to talk. Connie: He called me stupid, retarded. Didn't know a darn thing. He said I didn't have no authority over my kids. [dog barking] The lives of the developmentally disabled are further complicated by the burdens of poverty.

For those who do work, it is usually at minimum wage or in sheltered workshops. Many live lives of dependency off government programs. Both Diana and Marjorie are welfare mothers. [background noise] Disability payments and Social Security benefits help keep the Kilpatrick family solvent. But for years, Leonard Kilpatrick did work, as a dishwasher for Fred Meyer stores where he now shops. [background noise] A heart condition, Leonard says, retired him four years ago. Weekdays, Anita Kilpatrick volunteers her mornings at Loaves and Fishes to serve lunch to the elderly. Despite this job experience, Anita, like many other retarded adults, has been unable to hold down a paying

job. In Anita's case, there's a particular reason. Anita: I have not been able to get a job. Leonard: She got fired from Goodwill. Anita: Well that was because of you kids. [kids talking, Mom, your hair's messed up] What happened there? Oh, they had a special do and stuff . They had some kind of [inaudible] and stuff. And I was kind, I was kind of nervous and upset because my kids was late arriving. It was for a special dinner, and the kids was late arriving. And I thought maybe they got lost because they [inaudible] by themself. And I thought they got lost, and I went and left a compressor on. I caused a compressor on. And I caused about 20 or 30 thousand dollars worth of food damage. Reporter: Oh, so they fired you for that? [laughs] Anita: Yeah. Reporter; But what amuses Anita one day does not sit well with her one month later. Today, Anita is frustrated by her inability to get off government assistance and to bring home a

paycheck. Reporter: Did you ever try to go find another job? Anita: Yeah. Reporter: Why don't you do that? If they won't pay you? Why don't you find a job that pays? Anita: I have tried to find another job but they bring that St. Vincent de Paul shit up. I try to give them as a reference. Oh, well she caused twenty or thirty thousand dollars worth of damage and broke a compressor. Reporter: So who are you angry angry at? Huh? Who are you angry at? Anita: I'm angry at the people who don't want to let me work. I could do just as good as anybody else. I might be a little slow. But I can do just as good as anybody else. And I can't see no sense in kicking me out of work just because I'm a little slow and I can't go like a Speedy Gonzales. Wayne Mars does much better. he supports his family and $600 a month working two jobs Weekends, he's a staff sergeant with the National Guard. Weekdays, he installs

furniture. [background noise] Wayne Mars IQ Like you did below average and he is a thoughtful man it is a very real connection between his mental deficiency and his earning power. I would like to have it better but I wasn't born with, I wasn't born with the uh, with that in my system so there is nothing I can do about it other than just keep on driving on, For the mentally retarded and the developmentally disabled having a family is often the final step towards living a normal life. Yet these parents remain markedly below normal intelligence. During late 1986 in Multnomah County, roughly one-third of those parents who lost custody of their children were mothers and fathers with developmental disabilities.

Deputy district attorney Keith Meisenheimer handled some of those cases. Keith: I don't think it's, it's anything but a cruel kindness. Sort of like holding a carrot in front of somebody that they can't reach. To say to a person who would like to be a parent but doesn't have the wherewithal because of intellectual limitations, to allow them to continue to have children. Reporter: Do you want more children? Margery: No. I give a little baby up because he has a case of cerebral palsy. Reporter: Too hard to take care of ? Margery: Uh-huh. I got myself tied, last baby. Reporter: Oh, so you're sterilized now? Mother: Uh-huh. Do you wish you had gotten sterilized before? Margery: Before this last one. I don't think he should have had cerebral palsy. Pardon me? Margery: I don't think he should have had cerebal palsy. I think he should have been born to another woman without

faults. I got no cerebal palsy. Reporter: Eight years ago while married, Margery lost custody of two other children, two daughters. Reporter: How did you feel when the courts decided to take them away from you? Margery: I skipped town for a summer. Reporter: Is having one child enough? Margery: Yeah. Sometimes I think he's a little too much, sometimes too. But I try. For Margery and parents like her, society offers little special help. Some, like advocate Holly Robinson, believe we should broaden the scope of services to retarded parents. That might even include group homes or foster care for entire families. American society is not very good at maintaining the notion that we can have more than one or two or three primary caretakers. Keith: I don't think society can either afford to provide 24-hour mutual foster care until, you know, from birth to 18 years old.

Nor do I think it can work. I think what, what that really involves is allowing the parent to play their parenting. And in terms of money that could cost a lot over a long period of time. But medical ethicist Dr. Michael Garland argues it's unfair to give people privileges without giving them the support they need. Dr. Garland: I know that, that if you, if you say, assert that somebody has a right to a better education, to better housing, to whatever it might be and then you don't back it up with resources; One, you're either fooling yourself as a society or you're engaged in a cruel joke. Where are you going? Come back here. Those who work with Marjorie [?] say they do not think she'll be able to care for Anthony much longer, either because of her own inabilities or because there is little outside help. Reporter: Do you worry about him becoming smarter than you are?

Margery: Sometimes. But I can still read children's books Reporter: Anthony is almost four now. In roughly four more years. Anthony Somney will be the same mental age as his mother. Margery reading: That means there is a fire. We have to hurry. So they hurry to the post. Everyone down the post. grabbing their fireman gear. The firefighters don't run down the the stairs. That takes too long. They slide down the brass pole. Anthony: Brass pole. Margery: Then they rush to put on their coats and boots and hats. And then they're off to the firetruck [laughs] You're getting tired of this? You're smiling..

And thanks for joining us tonight. Front Street will not be on next week because of special programming for our winter festival, but we'll be back in two weeks on December 8 with an encore showing of Wards of the Street. I guess I'm what you call a throw-away of society. I mean my parents really don't care. When you're on the streets, you basically do what you have to do to survive. It's an up-close look at a very disturbing trend. Young people trying to survive on their own, often victimized by crime and neglect. Again, that's December 8th for Wards of the Street. We'll see you then. Good night. Good night.