Leo Buscaglia "Alive With Love"

I really am grateful that you are willing to spend an evening along with Channel 7 and myself of celebration of love and I wish really that you had all been with me. I arrived here only a little over 24 hours ago and I've been hugged at airports in bookstores in Huggy Bear shops. I mean it's been absolutely phenomenal. And I just thought I would assure any skeptics that a love love is alive and well and living in Utah. Another thing you know is that I cannot I'm a passionate Italian and my arms work like windmills and so on and I can't work with this crazy equipment on. So if you don't mind I have to strip it off. You can do the same if you like. You know how I love to start lectures and talks about with stories about

my name. And when you have a name like Fenny children now the Buscaglia you never run out of stories and he used to be that I used to tell you stories about Buscaglia because nobody could ever pronounce it. And I was satisfied to hear it pronounced by Scalia but algea BUSCA lose the best Gagliardi even spaghetti. And once some of you've read my books. No they called me boxcar So I got used to being called anything. Then I started using my first name which is really on my birth certificate each day as you heard it's spelled FDL I see. And it means love and peace in Italian and I love that. So I decided I was going to use it until I went to apply for a visa. And I was in this large room in Los Angeles writing out these little forms you know and giving them to a woman behind the little cage. And then she was announcing your name when your visa had been granted. And so we waited we heard all these names and finally I heard her say Phyllis Buscaglia. And I thought

oh no I didn't you know I'm not going to answer to that. She waited for a while she said is Phyllis here. And I thought well I'd better answer so I got up and I heard somebody say look I need that man's name is class. So I decided no more fellas you know. So I call myself Leo assuming that nobody in the world would have any problem with Leo. But recently I had a problem with Leo that I want to share with you because I think it's such a wonderful story. You know mama used to always say she was a very wise lady and those of you know my work no I really could have hardly written anything if it hadn't been for mama. She was a great big Italian mama with a big husky voice whose favorite expression was I shall you know you'll learn a lot when you hear that sort of thing you know. At any rate Mom always used to say be humble be humble. She said When you get too big for your trousers they split and they always expose you where you're most vulnerable. You know. And when we forget about being humble crazy things happen

to remind us. And I once heard a story of Enrico Caruso the wonderful Italian singer you know when he was driving through New England and he had a flat tire and he drove into this station and asked the man to repair it and he said pleased I'm in a very great hurry said I'm after all the great perusal. I mean he had a real ego and and the man said All I know you is your man my wife liked so much. He said Would you mind if I took just a minute went in and called her and told her to meet you you know come on Meet you and boy he swelled up he said all right but do it in a hurry you know. She goes in and he shouts to his wife Honey come out and meet that man you like so much that great explorer Robinson Crusoe. Learn fast and so did I you know people go to New York City and they're always afraid of mugging. Well I go to New York City and it's wonderful because I'm so hot in New York City it's fabulous. I was walking down the Avenue of the Americas with my publisher and his wife

and a friend and every three minutes somebody would say oh you know we'd get a taxi cab drivers that aren't supposed to have any love at all in New York. But stop and run out. You know we didn't embrace on the street. I was really you know my ego always had to look at had I'm famous in New York you know this is something I forgot about Mama you know because I was you know I anyway we were going along we're going to breakfast. And when I every time I go to New York I look for Jewish delicatessens because I'm mad about something called lock's eggs and onions and a you know Nova Scotia salmon that is called lox lox eggs and onions and I like it because they saute the onions to where they are slightly burned. And then they scrambled eggs lightly you know and then they put these pieces of Nova Scotia salmon. It's phenomenal. I love it it's like the closest thing to paradise. And so we were going to get this and we sat down and there was a waitress that came up the typical kind of efficient new york waitress where you know a monster could come in and sit in the

chair and ask for three eggs up easy and she'd give them to woman you know without batting an eye. She said well I have and my publisher said I'd like a well toasted bagel and my publisher's wife said she'd like some cereal. And I said Oh I said No question. Lox eggs and onions. So little by she came back and she threw all these things happened and how they get into your really fish chamomile. And she said Here's your bagel and here are your cereal. And then she threw mine in front of me she says and here's a little. And I said wow you know my name. She said honey I don't know you from Adam. I said but you said Leo. She says that short for lox eggs and onions. Mama is always right. You know I really want to talk to you tonight about an extension of the things I've been talking about and that is giving giving your love away. Such a nice phrase and high sound. Giving your love

away. And I think at one point in my life where I most realized the value of power of giving your love away was many many years ago when some of you know I sold everything and I went around the world at that time. It was very popular to go around the world in search of yourself. You know I I can't imagine where I imagined I'd find me. You know on a mountain or somewhere in the valley where I was you know. But anyway I went in search of me. It was wonderful it was I wouldn't have missed it for anything in the world. But the real value came from realizing that there was me in everyone and it didn't matter if the folkways and the mores and the clothing were different. When we got behind that facade there I was. There was a human being who knew loneliness and who despair who cried who laughed worried who was confused who didn't have all the answers and it's so wonderful to know that we are a universal family and that was the greatest

value. But one of the things that happened there that was of real import in my life was I was in Hong Kong and some of you that have been there know it's it's a spectacular city called oftentimes the jewel of the Orient. And you get everywhere in Hong Kong by little ferry boats and all the ferry boats have names like rainbow ferry and moonlight ferry and there's one called a star ferry and I used to go down to the Star Ferry because it was the busiest. And I'm a people watcher. I learned so much by sitting in airports. I never bored because I loved to watch people. You know here's the hassled One racing. And here's the nonchalant line sort of wanting. Well if I make it I'll make it if I don't I'll get the next one. And here's my carrying the kids you know one on a leash. All of these wonderful things to see and different behaviors to study and to look at people the best things ever created. It's

marvelous. I love watching them and they never cease to surprise you. And anyway I was sitting there watching all these just millions of people going across the Star Ferry one direction and the other with all these variations. And for the first few nights that I was there I missed the fact that there was a young man sitting on the same bench by the starfaring and he was reading a little book one evening came to me and he said in very broken English. He was a little Chinese boy he said would you pronounce this word for me. And I did and then we struck up a friendship and I found out that his name was Wong and that he was there because of the light because in his home he didn't have a light to study by. And he was memorizing the Chinese English dictionary and he was doing that because he knew that if he learned English he could get out of poverty because he could find a job and get his family of 11 out of the refugee camp and he could begin to develop as a human person. So we

struck up a wonderful friendship and we went everywhere together. He acted as my guide and I acted as his English teacher. And we say you know this is a table this is a fork. This is good. You know that kind of thing and we were really having a wonderful time and finally the time came when I had to move on. And so as a gift Towong I put him in a school to learn English. And even though I didn't have a big budget traveling I was really on living on nothing. I felt this would be a good thing to do. And so I'd rolled long in that school to learn English and then I took off two or three years after hunting for myself all over you know only to come home and realize I was in my own backyard. I got a letter from wrong and it was written in his own hand and he had written it in English. And he said I now have a good job. I got my family out of the refugee camp. Two of my sisters are in school and it all started because of the fact that I was able to learn English. And

I'm sending you a few dollars to pay you back. And so I instinctively took those dollars and put them in an envelope and sealed it and sent it back and I said go to the Star Ferry and find the little kids sitting under a lamp light memorizing a Chinese English dictionary and give it to him with love from Leo and Wong. And then maybe they would do it to someone else and someone else and someone else and they knew he could do wonderful things in just this little passage way. So I really realized then more than any any time in my life that you know love is just a beautiful sounding word and a magnificent concept unless it's acted on and given away. And I believe really that given adds meaning to your life and I'm always asking my students which they hate. What is your purpose for being. And you know just for fun. I'd like to throw that out tonight. Have you ever thought about that. What are you here for. To take

up space to live. You know between birth and death that at 60 or 70 or 80 and that's it to go to work from 8 to 5 to cook a pizza. It really does change your life when you decide what it is that you're here for and the marvelous thing is that you are certainly here for a reason. I'm certain of it. That's why you're all so different. That's why there are no two of you will like. That's why there will never be any two of you alike. That's why I need none of you perceive the world or life in exactly the same way. That means that you have something that you see and hear and feel that nobody else in the world hears or sees and feels. Find out what it is express it and share it with everybody. That's our salvation. Do it. It's wonderful. So I asked my students what is the purpose of life or what is the purpose of your

life. And they will say now let's see what kind of answers students are so smart what kind of answers Justice Scalia want to hear. And so you'll get an answer like the purpose of life is to be happy. And I say great and I feel happy what then. I don't know. Oh and one that's really popular now. All this is really the in thing is the purpose of life is to get all I can frown at. And after you've got all you can get then what I don't know but you better know. Because it's pretty meaningless if you don't to grow to be the best me possible. And after you are the best you then what are you going to do with it. And if the answer is I don't know. I warn you. Funny how we never extend it beyond ourselves and our lives need to have some

meaning outside of ourselves. And I'm sure that loneliness and unhappiness comes from floundering without meaning. Manager of the great psychiatrist said to know joy. You have only to find a mission and to take it seriously. You know there's a wonderful Chinese proverb that's rather cynical but there's a lot of wisdom in it. It says this If you want to be happy for an hour take a nap. And they get it adds If you want to be happy for a day go fishing if you want to be happy for a month. And here's the cynicism. Get married. And here the wisdom if you want to be happy for a year inherit a fortune.

That wears thin. You might think not. I wish everyone had that experience. Just once thinking that money is the answer and it ends with And if you want to be happy for life help somebody else. Tell. Colton. Who is a wonderful researcher in the concept of giving him the dynamics of giving says this. This is the crux of our families. Few of us have a mission to make us feel that our lives have a purpose that someone out there perhaps lots of someones cares that we exist. And you know how you can measure that when you come walking into a room. Do people cheer and jump for joy. Oh this is great. Or you come walk into the room they say oh my god. Honey run for cover. She goes on as more people rebel against the dehumanization and mechanization

of living in our society. A major way perhaps even the major way in which we can achieve a higher quality of life which means having more good feelings about ourselves. Isn't that a wonderful thought. I think that's about. Reaching the zenith when you get to the point that you really do sincerely like you and I think one of the great releases of our society is that there aren't very many people who really do like themselves. And remember you're all you've got. Avoiding avoiding the terrible pain of boredom we may well find ourselves deriving from what we do for others. We have peak feelings of well-being when we've done something for somebody else and we like ourselves for it. You know what we're finding out simple activities like in homes for the

elderly where people are just sort of allowed to just sit and stare at the ceiling. Death and misery and despair comes early. But even giving them plants to take care of and making them their responsibility gives them some incentive to get out of bed in the morning. Having a pet that depends on you makes all the difference. If that's true. Think what we can do for not bedridden. Helen COTAN suggest we have missions in life she says. Trying to find ways of offering periodic vacations for people in poverty areas that will never know a vacation. And she has one that I would love to see made real and that is putting the elderly in college dorms. Wouldn't that be great. Young kids today don't know about agene and that's a pity. You know when we had extended families. You used to see people

getting old and that was nice because you knew that one day you would do and then you had a certain respect for age. But we live in what they call them the Pepsi generation. And you've got to look just like them and they're on real. They don't look like anybody I know. And they're always so giddy you know over a Pepsi Cola. You know I never see a woman with fat thighs on a Pepsi Cola commercial. You know I never see a man that looks like most of us on a date always looked like they came from another planet. But but it would be wonderful if we could put the elderly with the young because they would give each other so much.

And the elderly have a need to tell their story. That's what keeps them alive and immortal. And we don't listen anymore. You know I remember one of the wonderful things of pre-TV now that really dates me. I remember living in a house without a television set and can you imagine what we did. We talk. Honest. Mamma would tell us the story about coming from Italy you know and I had Vincenz So in my arms and he was sick and I couldn't speak English. I didn't know what the word for milk. You know we'd you know. Papa would say about how he had to fight on Ellis Island to keep them from changing Buscaglia to Smiff. You would have saved these stories. But people need to hear the stories. You know there are some people that whose parents will die and they won't really know them.

I mentioned earlier in another talk that there was a book out now and you don't need it called Mama was quite a woman and dad was quite a man. And what it is is just empty pages that they asked you to fill out and leave it with your will because it will be far more important than anything else you lead. And it tells your story it ask questions like What was your first date. Mom. Think about it. Do you remember your first date. I hope that wasn't too long ago. You know was it fun. Where did you go. Who gave you your first kiss. Yes kids vomit kiss. It asked papa what was your moment of greatest joy. And what was your moment of greatest despair that tells you a lot about people. Do it. We need to know your story.

And we talked so much about love and loving. And yet I'm constantly getting getting letters from people that men who say you know my wife had better behave yourself because if she doesn't I'll kill her. But I really love her. You know that's the kind of love you can do without. And and the most wonderful one of all is a woman who wrote me and this was just last year. It was fabulous She said she has a dog that is just she loves that dog so much that dog gives her so much satisfaction. Just a wee wee little dog you know. And she says her husband hates that dog. And he finally made an ultimatum get rid of that dog or you get rid of me. You know. And she wrote in her letter she said every time I walk into a room the dog wags his tail. You know my husband never does that. When I work hard and feed the dog. The dog will lick my hands my

hands I murdered my husband say thank you in 20 years. So just for fun she took out an ad in the newspaper and that's what she sent me. I want to share it with you. She says My husband says either he goes or the dog goes the dog is adorable. Psyllium lobbying and pedigree. My husband is rude and a mixed breed. Take your pick. You know I never let any students get out of my classes without insisting that they do something for somebody else. And you wouldn't believe that 22 and 23 year olds will say what's there to do. What's their todo. I remember one time of the whole class was to come together and we were going to go to Spassky children's foundation in Los Angeles and there was one girl and she was

she was honest at least and she she. She talked about what she felt and she said Oh Dr Scalia I can't work with the handicapped she said every time I see a handicapped person I get sick and I wouldn't be able to. I just can't do that. And I said well look give it a try. If you get sick I'll clean it up. I promise you. But at least come with me and let's see how it works. You know you can't tell me there are greater powers than us because we walked in we weren't there for 30 seconds for the cutest little girl in a wheelchair came up and she was drooling and you know and she walked up to this girl she hadn't seen anybody is pretty at all. She said you were so beautiful. Will you feed me. You know this girl three she said. I said How old are you. She said 21 have you ever eaten. What do you mean you don't know how you get a little small. Dip it in. You shove it in her mouth. You know why a napkin.

And then you go for the next one. What do you mean I don't know how. The last we always wrote an analysis of our experiences and they were the most beautiful papers I ever received. And I remember hers ended with a statement that I kept over the years that said I woke up one day when I felt a little girl who needed me. You know recently I also heard from the man who runs home for the aging and there was a woman in that home that was the bane of everybody's existence. She complained from morning till night she woke up and everyone would run for cover. Actually she complained about the food she complained about the other place people in the place she complained about the help and the nurses and all it was just horrible. And my friend was going crazy trying to think of some way that he could help this woman and consequently helped the whole place. And then he thought of a brilliant idea he put her in charge of mental health. There's genius.

On a broader range and he said. You are responsible for keeping everyone in this place happy. Guest who is the happiest of them all. You know there's a beautiful lady I know who work very hard with her husband to raise enough money and keep a family going and so on. And finally they hit it big. And then he started looking elsewhere for his entertainment. And when you do you find it generally you find what you're looking for and he found this young lady and he left her after all those years of marriage and all the things that experience it was as simple as that. He just walked out. Well you know of course were ego involved in a devastating injury and it took her you know months and months and months to get over the shock. She wept a lot. She wanted to be alone a lot. Nobody could help her it seemed until finally

one of her girlfriends came in and said Enough of this nonsense. You know the sad part is that we forget that if one leaves open the other door another one comes. You know little children know that instinctively Sally walks in and she sees Peter and she runs up and gives him a juicy kiss and Peter says yuck. She's Sollee doesn't kill herself. She goes to Joe. Joe's delighted. Something to think about. But you know this our girlfriend said look you've got to get out of the house. Enough of this morning. He left you and he's having a blast and you're at home dying. Good sense. And so she said Come I want you to help me out at hospice. I want you to help me with people who are dying.

You know what she learned how to say goodbye how to open her arms and let go. And she did. But also in the process of opening her arms she welcome new things. And guess what. A doctor walked in. She just recently married again and her husband a denim has now become a bore to this young lady who is looking for someone else. You know. And now she says how sad he really did need me didn't he. She feels sorry for him. That's pretty wonderful Brian. Wolf a psychiatrists says this to find happiness we must seek it in a focus outside of ourselves. If you live only for yourself you're always in immediate danger of being bored to death. What you do matters little for psychological purposes whether you interest

yourself in making your town a little cleaner or in the campaign to rid the city of illicit drugs or whether you help out with people who are hungry. Choose a movement which presents a distinct trend toward greater human happiness and align yourself with it. No one has learned the meaning of living until he or she has really surrendered their ego to the services of their fellow man. And you know we still. It amazes me. I'm always looking at the latest research and we're still doing research and negativity. You want to know about the latest research anxiety they're studying guilt fear anger pain. You know there's also a sunny side of life like Joy and giving and celebration and happiness and responsibility and voluntary commitment. Why don't we study those behaviors so we'll understand better why be those people behave that way too. We know a little bit about people who give their love away.

One thing we know is that it is they are healthier people as a population. They really do love other people and they get back. Enormous amounts in reinforcement and nurturing behaviors. And we know another thing is that children are not naturally selfish which is what we're told all the time. If they live in a home where the family has shows pro-social behavior they become pro-social individuals. They'll look at us. You know it's like parents who say to their children. Really it's the most important thing in the world. And then they never pick up a book. You want your kids to read you read. You want your kids to turn off the television you'll turn it off. Watch what happens. It's amazing. You are a model whether you know it or not. And a very important one I

had. I had some wonderful bottles in my life for behaviors. You know my dad would give away anything. I mean if you said I like your tie you take it off and it would be the most joyous thing for him to give it away. He used to have a summer garden that was just incredible. And that summer garden was always of course like all summer gardens full of zucchini. Poor mama. When I think back she had to use them we never wasted anything. We were very poor zucchini pie zucchini lasagna zucchini soup zucchini bread zucchini pudding. You know all the kids began to look like a little zucchini. And then my dad would always do something that I also remember and he would separate the zucchini and always take the little tender wonderful ones and he'd bring those to the neighbors. We'd eat those gunboats.

The ones that get lost under the leaves you know when you find them they're big enough for a family. I don't think I ever tasted a attenders zucchini until I was 20. But we see him going from door to door you know we knock on the door and he'd say I've got some zucchini you want some of that. Then he bring a me and you know. And the kids in the neighborhood hated me. And your dad doesn't stop had enough balls Yaki green things. I wanna smack you. You know pop up please don't give away those of Caylee. Why everybody like zucchini. No not everybody. But he always did. You know Obama's happiest thing was sit down and eat. It was a great pleasure to read even if we had little there was always enough to go around and it was always happy. And I remember as a kid I used to think that was way everybody behaved. I used to give away my toys. People used to say go see Leo. He's a creep. He'll give

you all the toys. But still we find obstacles to giving so many people find so many reasons why they can't be giving to others. I don't know how you don't know how well the first thing you have to do is just do it and then you'll learn how. It's the easiest thing in the world. I'm not the aggressive type. You're heard that so therefore I will only write a check and mail it in. Well that's nice too. You should write checks and mail them in if you want to do it. But actually you get so little in terms of feedback the check just disappears and somebody cashes it and then you don't know what happens. There's a wonderful woman in Honolulu that I know her name is Dorothy and she was wandering one day and in a section of poverty in Honolulu that we never

see when we go to Waikiki. But it's there. And she found that there were a lot of elderly people on fixed income there that had really nothing. They were they were just living from day to day and they had outlived which some of us will do all of our friends and relatives. And so she decided that she was going to find out when it was their birthdays and mail them a birthday card and she did. She'd sent a 30 a month. And these people were just overjoyed. Just somebody remembered my birthday. And then she started gathering them up and bringing them in her backyard and having a big luaus. She's not aggressive. She just felt some great need in a big void and she wanted to fill it. I don't have the time. That's another good one. You know what I just heard and I'm sure you know it that most the average person in the United States spends six hours every night in front of the television set. Watching other people have fun.

You know just turn it off and try having fun yourself. It may be awkward at the beginning. You know what do we do now. And then it may be wonderful You may discover all kinds of new ways of entertaining yourselves. And besides by sitting in front of the television for six hours every night the only thing I'm sure you get is bored and fat and you deserve it. Just giving up one evening means six hours of making somebody else happy. That's incredible. And then our ability to forget our own suffering. You know some of us that have had nothing in the past forget that other people also now have nothing. And we forget our despair. Some of us have been lonely in the past. Forget what it means to be lonely and we're impatient with lonely people some of us who have

cried in the past know how important it is not to cry alone and yet we let people cry alone. You know I remember when I was growing up we all had to do something because we were really in dire poverty and I decided to sell Liberty Magazine. Most of you don't even know what Liberty Magazine the Saturday Evening Post and Liberty Magazine. And as a little kid they give you one of those cloth things that you'd wear here. And I was really tall but it hung way down and it was packed with magazines and you had to sell your quota or they took your bag away. And I was always the worst sales person in the world. I was the only one that sold Liberty Magazine. They used to approach every house and prayed that there was nobody at home. You know please God make them be gone. And then I knock on the door. They were always there and I met all kinds of interesting people. You know they were people who used to scream at me. A little kid with

long gangly legs and a big bag around his neck or. Your body or you're bothering us were a bit you know and I had my little spiel already. You know you had to memorize a little spiel would you like to buy Liberty Magazine. It has a good article on Greta Garbo you know. You want to be arrested. But there were also really great people I remember there was a woman who had me come back every Tuesday which was her payday. And she by Saturday evening post on Liberty Magazine and then bring me in and give me Tollhouse cookies and milk and asked me how business was going. I'll never forget her I can conjure up in my mind. I also remember one once on a rainy night when I was out because I hadn't sold my quota and I didn't want to lose my bag. And she had me come in and she bought every single magazine I had left and

said Now go home and dry off kid. Those are the things I want to remember. And really our lack of understanding about what it means to give. For goodness sakes I'm not asking for a million dollars. In fact you don't have the wherewithal just be there when you're needed. Recently I lost one of my dearest friends and something like 30 years. I went to the hospital to see him and they had put him in one of those tents and he had tubes coming out of everything. And there was no hope for him. What do you say to somebody like that we're all awkward. I didn't want to say how are you. How are you feeling. For goodness sakes. And I just went up there and put my hand against this tent and he took this bone that was left called a hand and put it against mine. And for a moment we made beautiful warm calm and it was the best goodbye I've ever had with anyone without a word being spoken.

I recently walked on an airplane and one of the stewardesses and oh doctor I'm so glad I did train you to be on one of my flights and I'd love to talk with you. Can I talk to you after my service. And I said Oh sure. So she came up and. Oh goodness. She had been storing up an avalanche of pain. You know her husband was fooling around and her son had brain damage and she didn't know where to turn and there was nobody to help. She went on. Tears were fine. I didn't say one word. After 20 minutes she turned to me and wiped her tears away and said Oh you've helped me so much. You know in the past few years we've been together through so many things. I couldn't believe it when I was making this list. You know we we've experienced together the drug culture the generation gap the trauma of Watergate the sexual revolution the gender revolution the energy

crisis the greening of America. Remember that future shock the me decade the you decade the US decade the megatrends co-habitation the Yippies the yuppies the jogging craze the workout craze the Jazzercise craze and down watch out the control culture. They want to control you know. The one minute crazy or the one minute manager the one minute Father the One Minute lover. And now you don't believe it. But in the next the next books that are coming out it's going to be the 30 second craze the 30 second manager. You could do it even faster. The 30 second mother that's a 30 second lover. You know why bother.

What would be fun if we started a movement at long last away from egotism and competitiveness to sharing and interdependence because certainly the helpers help the most in helping. Mike Farrell whom all of us know from Nash recently gave a talk in Los Angeles and I'd like to quote just a couple of paragraphs in that part because it's such a lovely one. He says I've come to realize lately that if you do look deeply into life you will find that there is a secret. It's a secret that's maintained by a conspiracy of sorts. It is a secret that we keep from ourselves as well as from others. A conspiracy of silence and the secret is I love you. It's based on the premise that we're all lovable and I'm afraid that we're not allowing that to be in our society. We're so busy competing and coping and dealing and delegating and punishing and stopping that we've confused our values and our priorities. We need to stop and sort them out again.

Each of us has to again to discover our own values. And the answer to all these monumental problems of our society in the world today is really very simple. It's simply I love you all people really want you know is a little love. A little attention and a little respect. I love that. And that is not asking a lot. A little love a little attention and a little respect. And the solution to our problems will flow from that understanding. There are seems to be two choices left two choices at large in the universe. They are love and fear. Fear is the stopping force the negating the restricting the condemning but no love is responsible for all that's nurturing in the world and positive in existence. It's yes. It's then up to us to

make the choice and explode the secret and to finally be able to say that simple and yet powerful phrase I love you. And I think we can start if we just put up on our mirrors. Every morning a couple of activities for us to do. And I would say that number one would be that each day of my life I'm going to strive to make somebody else happy. Now that's easy to do easier than you think. I think by life did a flip flop on the day that I understood that by Joy really came in my wonderful days were not days where everything went my way but went through some power of mind. I was able to make the day better for you. It made all the difference. And then each day of your life and this is equally as important do something to make yourself happy. You know walk in front of the mirror

and say hi sweet thing. What do you need today to make you happy. And the very well answer that wonderful coat you saw at the department store. And you all say you're so right mirror. And then I get it. You deserve it you're pretty nice. Some of us deny ourselves and deny ourselves and deny ourselves. Go buy it. You'll be so happy you'll worry about paying for it next month. And then each day of your life promise yourself that you're going to do something you'd rather not do. But that needs doing you know clean out that garage. I've been meaning to clean out that garage it's driving me crazy. Well you know don't let it drives you crazy. Go in one day and clean it out. Then you can get crazy over something else. Write that letter make that phone

call have that dinner do it. It makes you feel so much better. And then every day of your life challenge your mind. You know what we know physiologically that what you don't use falls into disuse and that includes your brain. Learn something new every day and share it with somebody. Do you know what I learned today that the population of Lane Idaho is eight thousand four hundred and seventy six. So what. That's not important. Well it is to the people in court Elaine. And you never know when you're going to have that question on a trivia test. And each day of your life find something to be thankful for and express it. I remember I had a second grade teacher that we used to think was a real candidate for the loony bin. Every morning we would after we salute the flag.

And then we'd have to get up and say one thing that we were thankful for and it didn't matter if we'd said it the day before the day before. It was always important. So she get up and get things started and then you get up in the class and crack up. You get up and you'd say trying to suppress a laugh. I am thankful for my ears to hear. It on the way that you see people stuffing books that are about the team. And she'd say all Leo that's so important your wonderful ears. And did she say now you Sally up. I'm thankful I I still say Oh wonderful. You know. Then we'd walk out and die. We'd roll on the sidewalk say. Wait you get Miss So-and-So she's crazy. But you know as I get older I know what she was talking about. I am very grateful every morning that I can still have a little residual hearing. And I'm grateful for the fact that even though I have to hold papers out here I can still see a

little bit. And I am grateful for the fact that I still have enough mind you know because I'd get worried about the fact that I walk into a room determined and I get to the middle of the room and I forget what I came there for. And also lastly each day of your life for goodness sakes if you're having a negative thought shut up. I didn't disappear I just went for water. But if you have a positive thought when you leave things express it. We have great need in this world for positive thoughts so that if you see somebody

that looks lovely What do you tell them. I know it may kill them but will you risk it. Sally you look so lovely tonight instead of saying Well Sally never tells me I look lovely. So the heck with her. It could change things between you and Sally. You know that you have beautiful times. You're a very tender looking man. And guess what. Your tongue doesn't fall out. What a difference such a simple thing. That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about monumental things. You know in the business world and there's a lot to be learned in the business world there's something called the rule of 250 and a good businessman knows that and that is that every time you have pleased someone that will be about 250 people that

will hear about that being please because each person has a constellation of about 250 people in their environment with whom they come into contact. So if you like that enchilada 250 people are going to hear about that place that has that keen enchilada. Well that's really wise to know. I wish social sciences would learn about the rule of 250 because think of the ripple effect. If everybody in this audience and I understand are almost 6000 people which is overwhelming if each one of them carried home some kindness to someone else tomorrow that would ripple effect into somebody else and to 250 we could change the world. And I mean it. You don't end up changing the world. You have been sitting kindly for a long long time and it's time for me to be silent. But you know and it's I

remember always hearing that after you've talked to people for an hour. We've talked for an hour and five minutes or so that it's always wise to end by quoting some very remarkable figure like Shakespeare or Cicero. That's a sure fire one. All the intellectuals love that Cicero or Dante at least. Well I'm going to really shock the intellectuals because I'm in a close with Ann Landers. I don't know about you but I get a big kick out of that lady because there some really homespun wisdom in what she tells people and she's so honest it's amazing. But this is something from Ann Landers that really is I think terribly important and terribly profound. And I'd like to just close with the statement. She says if you have love in your life. It can make up for a great many things you lack. And if you don't no matter what else there is it's never enough.

Thank you very much.