Tell Me a Story

This program has been funded by the National Endowment for the Humanities. Tell me a story. I'm Herbert goal to take you to segue a panic part of Long Island where the woods are thick and the fields are white. Part of the country where some of our most famous writers and painters live. It's been said that if you poison the guacamole dip at a cocktail party out here you'd wipe out half the literary population of the United States. We've come to meet the author of The Snow Leopard at play in the fields of the Lord killing Mr. Watson a lot of good books. Peter Matheson was also an eminent environmentalist a founding editor of Paris Review and an ordained priest. When we arrive he's out pacing his land deciding where to plant some trees.

His wife Maria calls him in and steep some tea for us in a beautiful old Blue Willow teapot. The atmosphere here is a comfortable blend of rusticity and formality. Old World and Third World folk art from Africa South America the mountains of Asia. Stand next to classic European paintings and furniture. Peter Matheson tells us how he got to this territory before the rest of the writers. I grew up really in this county and the sense I was as one of New York City by immediately went to visual Island which is here in Suffolk County just off the coast. And I was in college I began seriously writing short stories in my first story was taken last June caused by the Atlantic. And it won the lottery prize that year. Peter Matheson is known for his interest in the whole earth for taking his readers to exotic parts of it for tying his explorations of the world to pursuits of the Spirit. In one of his most famous books the snow leopard he starts simply with the names of

specs on a map and builds a gradual shiver of wanderlust. In late September of 1973 I set out with a GSM journey to the Crystal Mountain walking west under an appoint to the north along McCullagh on docu river and western north again around the DA Geary peaks and across the county Europa two hundred fifty miles or more to the land of dope on the Tibetan plateau. Yes is the zoologist of George the story he's going to read today is an early one written in one thousand fifty nine. I was starting out in my explorations around the world and I went on this long forty two day freighter trip which is wonderful because I was working on something else for two days and cost me three hundred bucks in all meals you could go and buy. Because of those days they had faded cabins they were never used and so you get them almost cost

the cost of your food. You could have the time yourself and I'm assuming nothing pinching on you. I try to do it again. Peter Matheson horse latitudes. Our ship of British fader to hold Christmas trees and small machinery from New York Harbor down through the Antilles South America and up the Amazon has scarcely left appear to be in Red Hook in an amusing fight broke out between the occupants of one of her two cabins. Since it was I who occupied the other at the behest of the travel associations I was composing a brochure on freighter travel. And since I like things to myself I had no wish to alter our arrangements nor was I. I'll be candid in the least anxious that these natural enemies escape each other since the forty day voyage that lay ahead promises little enough in the way of entertainment. Horace it's filled with good cheer in the Lord. There's a Baptist missionary returning to

his glum flock in the jungle. The Moros has seed a Lebanese merchant who should constantly resign Italy and awareness of the whole world's weight on his soft shoulders. I was impelled by a shallow destiny Toward Bedlam at the river's mouth where customers required that he appear in person with his wares. Television sets and small refrigerators together with two gigantic outboard motors. It was fluent in four languages having travelled widely in the world. The sure mark of a fly by night in the eyes of Horus would travel scarcely anywhere beyond Matto Grosso and East Tennessee. In response to the missionaries brash inquiries regarding his religious affiliations if any mention of Protestant grandmother freemason father and a lingering acquaintance with the Church of Rome Horace referred to the suspicious figure as the Turk making it a point never to use a name. Well ha seed used his tormenters name at every opportunity deeming this

sufficiently insulting. The Baptist was a Spike Lee boy or sort of the Snap-On pink bow tie for hours at a time he hunched over his new shortwave radio awaiting orders from on high. His roommate said well all he was doing I discovered was crooning accompaniment the latest tunes from Finland and Cambodia enjoys music I should have. He's quite harmless. He is very harmful to me. How seeds are he's cabin mates one common bond and placed him instantly in competition and our first meal was a sorrowful affair. Just recently the Lebanese had suffered the removal of an abscess from his nose which he strokes continuously as moist brown eyes appealing for commiseration. The missionary not to be outdone described in detail to the table where sat at that moment in addition to ourselves. The first mate and the chief engineer observing the new passengers and some alarm the even more recent

excision of some pesky hemorrhoids. A triumph over the forces of darkness for which he gave full credit to the Lord Horace had an odd squawking voice and a sudden shrieking laugh perhaps more pleasing to the anti-christ than to his Maker uttered now for no apparent reason. It confounded the poor leaven teen who took his slighted nose into both of his soft hands and peered through his ring fingers at his shipmate. Why is it you call yourself the turd kissed finally horse size whore ass said Horace and upright Christian with a W.. I said inquired archly directing this question to me. He winked. Just about level Horace. Knowing the mission I would not acknowledge such a joke even if you got it from that point on. As a friend of these two enemies I serve them as both referee and foil tossing in small provocations just to keep things lively.

Turk views Horus chewing carefully whore ass seed murmured here and there during the meal shaking his head in Noumea wonderment while the two Britons huddled over their food. Our ship sailed out that evening in the North Atlantic storms and my next day house he'd soiled complection and turned sexually propped up at the mess table. He looked at the noon meal Horace informed him. He looked poorly I was has he put his whole face in his hands. I noticed another Len little beads of sweat on the upper lip. Flora's continued just before his seed bolted from the table. Smell that fish. Horace complained about the fish smell in the galley. He could not bear the sight or smell of fish. The Lord ate fish. I reminded him stirring things up to rally how seed was losing that struggle by default. But Horace put me nicely in my place. He probably liked it Horace said. And how seed had been in gratitude to

smile the turkey it is best to appear at meals since the chief had told him that food was the best cure for seasickness the long days of rough seas had knocked us back a bit in the chief's phrase the slow pace exasperated housey when he was well enough to feel emotion since he'd already missed a sister ship or into the operation on his nose. If he got indisposed Even once again he'd quit the ship of fools at the next port and fly to Belgium. How to kill this time. I see you beg each day rolling his soft eyes heavenward and supplication. How to kill this time. He was the only man I ever knew who tore his hair. I thought this habit of going out of fashion in fair weather he crouched up in the bow staring away toward southern destinies and hope of nothing. The chief responded to his ceaseless plaints by saying that a man had best be patient about arriving anywhere.

What is a day a week even a month after all he once inquired. An old sad touching observation that the Turk misconstrued and his great misery as an affront. The chief was an amiable old Scot gone bald and a bit bleary with hard use a scarcely garrulous. He doubtless was considered so by the first mate. We never saw except across the table. The first was a Rufus blocky man who detested everything not known in Liverpool but happily he talked little while he dined. Having stuffed his gob with red goblets until a superset before him he proceeded doggedly through the little menu taking all choices in the order listed plate after plate like somebody packing a bag. The one dish he would not consume was American-Muslim weekly on tray which meant our menu it's one hint of international cuisine. I asked him once what distinguished American mutton. Different down altogether off the forest in Bermuda our first

port of call Horace passed the day at a small white table and ice cream parlor writing sappy postcards to his wife and drinking soft sweet drinks. I seated sat with him head in hands in the newly it would persist another fortnight all the way in fact to Porto Prouse. Got your sea legs yet Horace would ask him every little while and wink at me. I suggested reading is a cure. But the Turks sold interests where young girls and commerce reading he said made him nervous. And as it happened a dislike of books was the one thing he and Horace would agree upon despite the enemy. He had acquired a taste for Horace his company having doubtless perceived his dark dream of an undoing this man's moral superiority was all that stood between him and his monstrous boredom. For his part the missionary clung to some fond hope of redeeming a sybaritic Turk whom he preached to nightly and so to amuse myself I set one upon the other confident that both secretly

enjoy this clause as someone once remarked was somewhat more suspicious pair were set so deep into each other that if they pull apart they would soon bleed to death. Bound for Haiti our freighter trailed smoke south in the horse latitudes where other times dead horses were heaved overboard from ships becalmed in the Sargasso Sea. Horace still cheerful to a fault had held the upper hand on the bounding main of the North Atlantic. Then the pewter columns of the Horse Latitudes his companion began to stare into dull life and ashore in Haiti with sea sickness no longer stayed in. I see to move very quickly to the fore. Scarcely had a slippered foot touched land and land Moreover where his favorite tongue was the official language. When he stood to full blown before us a true bone the Vong whose delicate French unnerving manner made him a natural leader of our little party who then if not the bold Turk dismissed part of Proust's as unworthy of our custom. No no no

coffee. We would hire a conveyance and escape the sea I like umpiring I want done so enchanted was he by this in prospect that he waved his arms in fine Gallic abandon inadvertently inciting to near hysteria the hordes of jobless Haitians who rushed along with us desperate to attend to every need. If a human did in the forceful smells the Ribble colors of the waterfront juxtaposed with the grinding poverty and filth drove Horace to condemn the Roman Church which he blames with bitter looks at how a seed for the plight of this beautiful unhappy country politically oblivious HASI ignored him having commends dealings with the sober suited native would persevered so with his winks and his ass commend himself at last to the Turks attention. Even now a new Haitian acquaintance was revealing the existence of another friend almost was due to him.

As we were who knew more about Haiti than anyone since Toussaint move it as luck would have it the same friend was the master of a splendid car designed perfectly for whatever purpose the Yom might have in mind. This friend said he might be engaged upon short notice and sure enough a spavin Ford came forward even as he spoke honking in back firing along the curb. Its clairvoyant chauffeur turned out to be none other than Charles. Two mes m e m a can not tell. Shall I lead the international authority on Haiti who swore he would paces also expertise at our disposal for a pretty damn me. It was nothing short of laughable and proof of this he lived more or less merrily rolling his car door wide to show us in. Go tooth and fragrant and the many colored shirt Charlie was as festive as Pierre was somber and his black skin Sean in the very places where Pierre's old Hyde looked gray and adjusting his tone from the first instant to the whims of Hasi. He said Yes

yes we would make a tour to visit naturism to TC's you out of the compain Yeah I'm on time yeah yeah play here Charlie permitted himself a discreet pause and elevation of the eyebrow recognized at once by the worldly Turk who fetched poor Horace a whack across the back and now it transpired that Charlie's rate had been set so ludicrously low owing to his confidence that I pray his new friends would refresh themselves with a private clue of his acquaintance where nice clean girls of 18 were awaiting us. Clue. Horace whimper. He's on her own Dave I see exulted and barking at once on a spirited discussion of what lay before us. They don't call you a whore ass for nothing you told the missionary for my benefit since Horace would never in a month of Sundays understand the subtle Gitmo. Well it's boys not wrong even want to know durn club are as hard going to

rendezvous right back to that durned boat fearful as I thought at first of losing his advantage. Turk assured the highly agitated missionary that this talk approves meant nothing whatsoever. I'm suppose I'm used to folks who speak the truth at harvest with a sniff of pinch nose sanctimoniousness the collapsed house in silent Hyrum earth. He had not seen Horace wink at me goshi ations concluded we set off in Charlie's car accompanied by the glum Pierre who wished to keep an eye on his investment banking his way up the main street. Our guide stopped at every shop to extol its ethnic wares. Only Horace bought a few peculiar odds and ends to perk up his mission. Brazil and Charlie's repute must have suffered in these places. Relieved to escape from the city he drove off in a scattering of dogs and children for picking up in the mountains at a quaint hostelry decked in poinsettias. Charlie disappeared into the kitchen hoping we would decide to

eat while we awaited him. He did not bother his head about Pierre who purchase his cadaverous frame on a kind of Dunces stool just by the doorway. The better to watch our consumption of lean steak in local Greens. Even the hard heart of his seed was touched by Pierre's mournful demeanor but offer of sustenance was declined with dignity. He required no food for himself Pierre intoned. But if we wished he would accept a monetary offering which he might hope to feed his hungry children. Charlie emerged wiping his mouth and we drove on burping a little. He discoursed freely on the subject of the ex-slave saline as well as PTO only Krzysztof to sound a bit to diet. He's my hero I want said Charlie pointing out himself and other champions of Haitian independence. I don't frequently during our journey this enterprising man with a gold incisor would shout power power power. And while a patriotic fervor to demonstrate how Haitians

o shot down the French why modern nations did not do as much for their modern day spots. He would not say from atop a mountain we gaze down upon Port-Au-Prince and the great gulf of Gonaives the sail of the wild by five musicians who stepped from a bush to coax hideous sounds from hollow goods and other and promising implements. Our freighter loading a cargo of grain meal across the bay was a mere white speck in the blue distance at a shop which enjoyed our guides unqualified approval. The curios though more costly were otherwise identical to those in Port au Prince Cecil and mahogany. Real voodoo fetishes real voodoo drums can be an inscribed souvenir of Haiti stuffed hawksbill turtles crafted sea shells and other useful Caribbean Google Glass. The whole display was in shrine on film by Horace made the tortuous journey down the mountain more exciting by shouting at Charlie to stop on each blind turn so that he might

snap the bright cloth native women the fruit baskets and flower bedecked Barros swaying down against the sky and distant sea. Since Charlie had thought of us a steep sporty if we permitted him to transport us to cockfights which were held on Saturdays and Sundays in a rickety arena on the city's outskirts. The vivid image of cock and man was intensified that afternoon by the tropic sun came pouring like gold air through the slats and through a stained glass window or so at least I read aloud to house seed. From what I was writing on the local color page in my field notebook Horace diverted momentarily from the fights. But that's the reek of Cain liquor that wicked happy louse of fallen women denounce my irreligious simile and no uncertain terms as he changed film. Should a missionary witness such things as Taurus blood sports and gambling starlet women.

Or Jesus did us inform him just in his pink bow tie the cocks shorn of combs and tail plumes were angel Roosters of starved and hard bitten demeanor. Prior to the fight their leg horns or Spurs have been rotten to sharp points and water was now spat copiously upon them as they expire of heat prostration before winning money for their owners. The first suspenseful moments the two birds circled beak to beak and taut as arrows. Then the doomed things jumped and fluttered pecked and spurred until one dropped the loser never learned from hard experience. They've been right on flailing at the stronger bird and finally it dropped from exhaustion and loss of blood. The victor itself close to death squatted down and blinked. Feeling ran high at the cock fight each telling who. Being greeted of the steps and hoots or loud cries of nice peace again. Again another round of

reckless betting. Between fights the bird owners crowded pell mell into the tiny ring insulting one another the top of their lungs as if to invigorate their charges. The cocks which were wedged meat their arms facing backward missed no chance to go at each other on past song. The crowd of senators made a glorious spectacle most of these poor souls your fellow Catholics Horace told has seed not bothering to come out from behind his camera will tie less when the Soloman go Mara. You seem to be enjoying this as much as they are not heartless. Have mercy Lord. Click. They know not what they do. I hate you I said with a sudden feeling. Forgiveness is divine said Harz. And I forgive you. The cock fights we repaired once more into the countryside the coastal villages and bright green rice paddies along the southern shore of Largo. The Haunted appearance of then country folk the

strangled graveyards on the Silver Bay made me ask Charlie if any real good who is still practiced after some muttering about way back in the mountain tried to change the subject. Not because I had struck a hidden being of native Folkways but because he had been distracted from this purpose which very shortly came to light without warning he ran the old Ford off into a rugged side road nearly killing an old woman who was trying to cross. Ignoring Horace's frantic queries he drew up smartly to a villa on the shore where a large group of lightly clad young ladies members of the cube. I was sure Horace were taking the air of the afternoon under the palms fry mondragón cried Horace gaze averted. I shared I assured him that there were colors shapes and sizes for even the most spiritual tastes all wearing the most in-jokes smiles imaginable. A few now rose and sashayed forward as Hussey had flared his nostrils in

anticipation. Horace you have come to the right place. He gloated poking the forefinger of one hand through the fist of the other. Horace implored him please try mom just in a girlish voice rose above the dulcet climber. Hey Joe. The siren called I Am a village in an unpardonable insult to the Turks intelligence of the period since immediately frowned turned away at what he had he did I realize later was the anguished yelp of a soul about to be cast down into a pair Ed. was that that or was it Horace his use of his first name. Please seed. Horace had whispered leaning forward and pressing his brow to the back of the seat. I seed stared straight ahead and did not speak. Then shrugging his shoulders an apology he asked me gently writes My friend what is a day week.

A month after and to our astonishment he folded his arms on his chest and sat back with a lordly sighing. Drive on he said. Poor Pierre have turned in the front seat shook his bony skull and unashamedly grief failing to avail ourselves of these young women whose expression said might prove a mortal blow to his four children. As for Charlie he gave vent to his outrage in a furious burst of speed and nearly wrecked his car in deep ruts pursued by a large and savage dog. Nowhere to be seen as we drove up. We hastened away to the coast road in the harbor. Our entire sojourn having occupied less than a minute Horace by his own fervent statement I never had carnal knowledge of a woman other than her to whom he had cleaved in holy matrimony to his dismay that we could Turk were getting perhaps as kindly gesture spoke lightly of a carnal caper in the morgue. These revelations which came to light in the

high excitement that followed our departure from the private club engaged our attention all the way back to the ship under hard lights in the steaming air soft sacks of meal tumbled by stevedores to raise the fine dust from the freighters hold the day aboard ship. The chief confided in an uneventful save for one thrilling event. The first mate intoxicated had attempted to descend the rope boarding ladder without troubling to secure it properly beforehand and had descended farther than he might have wished in the day. Domenica St. Lucia Barbados St. Vincent Grenada Trinidad Horace no longer went to shore except to mail letters to his wife and pay calls on the local missionaries. He had produced a thin mustache which did not suit him and a pair of shorts which suited him still less and perhaps his accoutrements dissuaded his peers from offering him the opportunity to preach that his heart desired. The nearer he drew to a wife and

children the more he gave way to abject homesickness. Try as he would to tease him out of it by promising young girls at Port of Spain he did not rise up to nonsense as he once had but only complained dispiritedly of the smell of fish which had escaped his unknown source and trailed him everywhere. And still he wrote daily to his wife. Even when our journey was so advanced that no daughter would reach her before he did. Why do you tell her I see the yellow tearing and said Excuse me I don't get your reason you know how many pieces of meat you ate up at your dinner. I want to see what happened to you on the stinking ship between yesterday and now what can you possibly be saying to our wives. You would know that hussy if you'd ever found a wife. Horace said pityingly. He winked at me. But how she did. I felt an unexpected twinge of isolation. We

left the Woodwards in our wake. Cleared Port of Spain day after day down the long empty coast of the wild continent freighter rode south eastward through an isle of sea against the might of the equitorial current long meals were Purgatorio the white sun mute the cargo gave off a sweet reek the warm air thickened once again. Hosty was seasick and depressed and took such comfort as he could from reviling Horace and the iron bow hands fluttering like birds. They shrieked their love song to the wind stick figures lifted toward the far light of heaven plummeting again on the oily clouds of the vast tropic horizon. We'll find this story horse latitudes in Peter Matheson's book of stories

on the River Styx. Also look for killing Mr. Watson by Peter Matheson and some of the older ones like the snow leopard and at play in the fields of the Lord. In fact look for that one coming at the movies by Herbert gold thanking Peter Matheson for Tell Me a Story. Tell me a story has been conceived produced copyrighted in 1901 by Marjorie Leach and David lit with. A list of tapes you can get send a card or a note. Tell me a story one two three four Filbert Street San Francisco 9 4 1 0 9. Tell me a story. It's funded by the National Endowment for the match.