Le Show; 1989-09-03

And those of us here are aware of how risky and how fragile life is on the radio here in Southern California. We are 200 telephone calls behind where we were last year, meaning that those of you who listen are not responding. So please, if you listen to KCRW, don't take us for granted, call us at 4503524 with your pledge. If we can lose an institution like KFAC, then all of us on the public dial are also an endangered species. If you value National Public Radio News and KCRW, call 4503524 with your pledge now 4503524. Do it before Monday and thank you. This year we're going to do something extra special. That is in the days of the great variety shows on television. We're going to showcase some of the world's finest variety acts. We have comics and jugglers and magicians even have a talking dog.

Remember, ours is a live show. We'll be up all 22 hours because we don't want to miss anything here in this theater. You know when you get entertainers hanging around together, anything is liable to happen. And on this show, it does. So stay with us around the clock. Hey, I got to go now. I got to go back to the dressing room. It's almost time. The big show is about to start. Ooh, I don't know about you, ladies and gentlemen. Words like that. Even without talking dog, but just the general tenor of those words. And of course, KCK is a tenor, a very specific tenor. But let me get to the point here. Words like that just start my blood racing. Maybe yours too. It's that most special of show business days, a day when just hours from now, a jury Lewis and a Tony Orlando might share a song together. He's so hot.

What are they cooking? It's like a fire. Like a Latin fire. What we've got is the next Messiah though we sing and laugh. And we are really trying to stop. Thank you for the invitation with the lack of reservation in my humble estimation. You're the top, no, no, no, no, Jerry, you are the top, you're the top, you are the top. Well, an orgy of mutual admiration like that is all very well. Talking dog is cool too, but I don't know, ladies and gentlemen, I hear propound the theory propounded here once before, I believe, that the golden age of the Jerry Lewis telethon is past.

It lies in those perkadan myths of years gone by. And while the telethon still does a bang up job and the love network is intact, you may be aware through reading the current issue of spy magazine or otherwise that I'm sort of an archivist, a collector type nut. And so welcome to a very extra ultra special telethon memories edition of Hello, Welcome to the show. Thank you You're gone and I'm hurting so bad

Like a clown I pretend to be glad But now there's some sad things known to me But ain't too much sad at the end The tears of a clown When there's no one around Oh yeah baby Now if I appear to be carefree It's only to camouflage my sadness And order to shield my product Try to cover this hurt with a show of gladness But don't let my show convince you That I've been happy to send you This I get to go Oh I need you so I'm hurt and I want you to know But for all of you I'm not on the show

You're gone and there's some sad things known to me But ain't too much sad at the end The tears of a clown When there's no one around Oh yeah Just like the reality did I'm trying to keep my sadness in Smiling in the blink of an eye But in the lonely room I cry The tears of a clown When there's no one around Oh yeah baby Now if there's a smile on my face Don't let my care expression Get through the wrong impression But don't let this smile out well You can make you think that I don't care

But really sad For the umpteenth time The umpteenth time I introduce to you a gentleman Who reeks with professional know-how Who has a abandon when it comes to his professional expertise What he doesn't ever really have an opportunity to expound on As a humanity aspect of a gorgeous human being And you have to know him But oddly enough the people that watch him in the professional syndrome Know him to be a terrific man And they feel that wonderful chemistry That comes along the most penetrating medium of the world television But I stand here with deep pride to proclaim he is my friend And I am his Mr. Ed McMahon Ladies and gentlemen Thank you Nice to meet with you once again Thank you Ed If you look at that toad board I think you'll see 15,635,024 dollars

And the witch did it again You believe that Ed McMahon called it at 9.30 last night Or this morning 9.30 this morning I think I'll be under load here the way Wait a minute, you said 15.7 And I said why don't you have your head put into a cuckoo factory Didn't I? Right, you call me a banana Life is a book That we study Some of its leaves bring a sigh

That it was written by my buddy Yeah, we must crawl here and I Nice and long since you and away I think about you all through the day my buddy Nobody writes so true Touch of your hand along the door

That you understand my buddy My buddy, your buddy is here Your buddy is here I miss you

I miss you all through the day I miss you all through the day I miss you all through the day Your buddy misses you My buddy I think it's very important to make two disclaimers I have to do this because my instinct usually serves me well

One, the early hours of the morning people that are seated in a studio It's hardly possible for you to be totally energetic and enthusiastic But these performers are coming from all parts of the world to help us They have no way of knowing our appreciation or gratitude They only know and live and survive on an audience's applause So if you would be kind enough as long as you indeed are the audience in this studio If you could just acknowledge that it only takes a moment and I repeat Any good doctor will tell you it's good for the system Because your atrophy is sitting there It would be good for you to applaud And it makes the performers feel good And then it lessens my load of having to let them know that we are indeed grateful Because that's just words who says they really believe that They only understand applause So I would appreciate it if you'd consider that the next time I perform the steps on the stage The second disclaimer is that a VTR or videotape recording of Mr. Kirk Douglas Some people are disappointed that he isn't standing stage center Kirk Douglas would love to be here

He took the time to go to a studio and make that videotape recording for my kids He had to go to Europe or somewhere Therefore he wasn't available for this date He took the time to make that videotape recording just as many other performers do I think they're entitled to the same applause as the performance here live So if you consider that it'll make he ain't going to hear you applaud But I'm going to tell him you did it good Okay? Good Go over there Jerry This for you Oh It's clear Why I'm here I'm here to cheer For Jerry Lewis This clown Who won't let down And every year Brings this show to us He gets it on

This telephone That reaches each And every byway He sees it through For all of you And I thank him My way Earlier in the program I committed to taking some of the press to class And to be completely honest with you I attempted to do that one hour and a half ago One hour ago and then I found myself procrastinating And I am at a point now where there's no further procrastination I have to do what I must do I have to take some of the media to pass

To have to stand here And qualify our conduct and our actions Based on doing what we do So I thought And I wrote on the page I've been seriously thinking about doing some work against humanity Just to see what some of the press would say of that We'll cover it with a scene of indifference This show On empty pants I tell you friends It's never ended A child It's striking down It needs a hand It must be befriended That child can live

If we all give And I mean give And in no shy way They can't get by If you don't try God thank you Thank you my way If that man is indeed a hero to that child And let that child have a hero We need heroes We don't have an appeal or any more The last hero that we work Clue 2 was a dear friend of mine Jack Kennedy When Jack Kennedy died We forgot the word hero If in that child's mind I or whoever plays this role as a hero So be it Don't extract that from that child That child has had enough extracted So put your hero Leave the child alone Adults know that that is a coin phrase And if a phrase that's a little uncomfortable They're not my children

I have six healthy children And because of that My kids have become A part of my breath And my lifestyle I care for them Why am I a criminal? Why is this platform a criminal? What we are doing here is great work It would have meant That gravity bend the world At war For only the entire history Criminal memorial We've only been at peace 557 days in the last 17,000 years Had they had telephones We'd have had peace and sure Is that idealistic? Is that old fashioned mid-dictorian? Is that stupid? Is that rhetoric? No, that's what I believe I am an individual With rights and opinions I think that my theory will be the case For those Who do these shows Some loud bravo Are more than needed

Las Vegas or in white Because stars try It has succeeded Louis has to resort To melodramatic means to cheap people watching Maybe Our resort to any means I did not call this company together And build this structure And demand that we have a full network So that I don't get your attention That we do all of this So that we hope no one could watch Most of the trouble in our world today Is because no one can interpret what the Russian says to the Yugoslavian How do we know the interpreters Indeed saying What the Russian is saying So there's an imbalance And then there's a there's tenuousness There's uncertainty It's like the old joke The lady is in the pool And the white guard says Don't you see that sign? She says what sign?

He says that sign that says no swimming allowed She said that's how you read it The way I read it says now Swimming allowed Well, interpretation changes it, doesn't it? So that when the Russian says Tell the Yugoslav We love him And he interprets They love you Oh, that's terrific He walks right into the trap and his legs come off What must I do? Not the knowledge of that? Jerry is Jerry is what Jerry is He gets it on He gets it on the real show this way And I'm a narrow whoo I'm a narrow who adores that shoe Because he doesn't He doesn't his way Let the press do something with that 30 Let's help this call

For empty down He'll do it his way His way Look what you don't do to me I'm utterly at your whim All of my fences down Your camera looks to me

With its like tray vision And all systems run around All I can manage Pushed up my lips is a scream of absurdity Every word and gender to speak Wines up locked in the sink and tree No way to control it It's up to the odds of that Whenever you're around I'm walking my folded Completely off the mat All of my fences down Up down, down, down Up to the mat Up to the mat What is this madness To make my Lord run My legs to be too sad I go from sadness

Acceleration, like a robot, at your command My hands cross fire, shake life, believe up and down Those are too dangerous I saw my necklace to get some relief But they tell me there is no cure They tell me no way to control it It's totally a heart and neck But if I go around I'm walking my body To bring the earth back All of my pieces on the ground Down, down, down Come on, come back All of my pieces on the ground All of my pieces on the ground

Look what you don't do to me I'm actually at your whim All of my defenses down Your camera looks to me But it's like tradition And all systems run around All that can make I'm pushed up my lips Here's a scream of absurdity And very well And tendin' to speak Wines up loud in a single tree No way to control it It's totally a heart and neck But if I go around I'm walking my body To bring the earth back All of my pieces on the ground Down, down, down

No way to control it It's totally a heart and neck But if I go around This is the Telethon Memories edition of La Show There were other things to talk about this week Obviously this devil vibes thing Which I made fun of A few weeks ago And Dan Ackroyd threatened to hurl all of his devil vibes At the motion picture wired I guess it works But for those of you who feel That there is no such thing as good taste in Hollywood I am pleased to report That none of the Hollywood trade papers Headlined the Quite dramatic failure of the motion picture wired With the headline I expected them to use Which was wired, colon, deader than Belushi Nobody did that I'm pleased to report that But did... I'm as pleased to report that as Pete Rose is full of regret

The lawyer said that Pete was deeply saddened And it takes a lawyer to say something like that Don't you think? Now also this week finished up The big kind of orgy of anniversaries That substituted for news Most of this summer And based on airtime and A amount of ink Devoted to the various anniversaries I think Final figures are not in But I think the semi-final results are going to give it This way that turns out Woodstock was more important than World War II This is Labor Day Labor Day weekend And this is the first Labor Day weekend in my memory That all the Sunday news shows have not resorted to their standard booking gimmick Of having leaders of various unions as their guests For their Labor Day editions

They're talking about the war on drugs instead Which either shows how important the drug problem is or how far Labor has slipped So I would anticipate that the Labor movement would be getting their muscle You should part in the expression behind the war on drugs If for no other reason than to get back on television This time next year This is also a time when we're hearing more and more about As the President prepares to publicize his drug strategy His anti-drug strategy I believe is the more correct way of putting it this coming Tuesday User accountability That the casual drug user will be made to feel responsible for the existence of the median cartel And I guess the very same way that during the 1920s everybody who took a drink had a finger on Al Capone's Tommy gun Similar way

No talking dog yet but telethon memories continues Drunks red nose for the flaws Oh yes, there was a comical breeze with a choke for the flock and a hand up your fleece Drew the drink and the lipstick and grease paint Down the cart bought front of my dirty dog collar Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead And I'm going on to meet my newborn, I was scared, I was scared, I was scared, I was scared

I never, never got comic so there it was on a watch today Drinking a collar of a mystery brand reading an airport tablet Listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber's Recklean. He said before it had really begun. I prefer the one about my son. I've been waiting through all of this unbelievable junk in. Wondering if I should have given the world to the monkeys. Now I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm going on to meet my new one.

I was scared, I was scared, I was scared, I was scared, Ink my Lebanon, God's Coming. I'm gonna tear the little dream Down marath還是 enlist those yards. Travel parts of life, do you think you can't get your head out of bed? I'm sitting here on the top of the world

I hang around in the longest night Until each beast has gone to bed And then I say God bless and load out the light While you lie in the dark, afraid to breathe And you're begging you to promise you're fogging in your plea Sometimes you confuse me, sense a clause It's the big white beard, I suppose I'm going up to the pole When you folks die of cold I might be gone for a while if you need me Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, and you're all going on

I need you to walk, are you scared? Are you scared, are you scared? Are you scared, are you scared? You lie in the dark, God's coming Now for those that were offended because I said the man upstairs goofed I'm not going to cop out and apologize to you Because that's what I believe I'm a very religious man And for those God-seering people that think that I might have put down God by saying he goofed If you are indeed religious and if you indeed believe in God Then you must believe that he's fallible Then you must believe he can in fact make an error You must believe if there is a God And I believe there is He's got to have a lot on his mind too And he just happened to make a little error here

For those of you that were offended when I said the man goofed I apologize for that, but I'm not going to take it back Because that's what I think I hope he's listening and he's not too mad at me because maybe he'll send a few dollars Walk us to please repeat this vocal so I can do this It's like an arrangement You, the brass will take this My lane, no My lane, no Strings just take moment, moment My lane, no Moment, moment, good I just want the sacksis Sacksis Ready? My lane, no Moment, moment Backwards Moment, moment, my lane, no Mankers away, my boy

How do I know why I do that? Are you kidding? I lick wallpaper paste Right now our people are back at Beech Stick Central trying to add up the totals from our great customers And all our people that are out there selling the beef stick and cheese balls The proceeds of which they're totalling up And Bill Pindarvus will be here tomorrow to bring you some money But I'll give you a little something to start us off I'd appreciate it, a cheese ball will do Was that all? No, no, no Come on Larry, don't cock around That's why I'm here Thank you That's why I'm here

Can't seem to get into a groove Ain't that the reason she keeps flying She keeps trying That's why I'm here That's why I'm here That's why I'm here

And coast to coast my baby's flying Flying, flying, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low I think of the magic of this whole thing Is that a man stands before you when he's not ashamed And I'm very lucky that I can do that because that's hard. I don't like to be ashamed, and yet I'm not ashamed that I am ashamed.

And people believe that in anyone. You should try it. You have a lot of friends. It's hard, but for what the odds are on this crap table, that's really putting yourself in a second position. I don't want to see nobody's face. It can give me a break so I can do this, and maybe I I can lay down for it now. Go do one of those one of the fun that made his friends. You know the chorus, would you join it with me? Guess the chorus. Take a joke with home. Your house. I'm not a start again, but I'll never get it. Wall me. If I don't see a river around the world, I'll stay on your right. Start again. Round the top. Three long years do we still want me.

If I don't see a river around the world, I'm going to stay on the bus. Oh, yes, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. I think he liked your line better. Help the children Laughing, running, playing Silent questions show in my kids eyes What to answer? Somehow Somehow my kids trust me Still I can't explain The reason why Help me to help them come Come Come along with me No, not just a few I mean all of you This is the moment now

Now There's no time to wait Soon for some it may be too late It just keeps turning and it's fighting me I haven't got the time to deal with that I can't even confer with it And it's starting to steam me It keeps moving and it's attacking my energy system So if you don't pick up the phone and help me with these numbers If I strike out it ain't going to be all that bad Because that's pretty respectable But it's going to be less than last year If we come up less than last year Here's all of the cop-outs The economy Inflation If we had another president And all of that garbage, that's a cop-out It's your fault And it's mine I missed I struck out I didn't do the job Somewhere I failed Okay, I'll deal with that He ain't going to love me any less My whole ego trip I've been accused of

Ain't going to be diminished Because if I'm on an ego trip Whether you do or you don't Ain't going to change anything I don't care what you think, okay? I know what I am I know what I think I know what I believe If you want to put me down for this impeachment Start Thirty-one years of betting Trying, waiting, trying I rip my feeling bare Hoping, praying, I made you aware Help me to help them now I should realize that

A long time ago When you told me that you loved me But you didn't anymore You ran around with anyone Well, we have my back When you asked me to forgive you I went to keep back And I know I even learned you had something left But now I see heaven again And I've been a fool too long I had you bring it all to me I've been a fool too long I ain't going to be fooled no more I should've seen the signs made And right know the world When all of those other guys Started coming round ago You told me that you changed

But that was just a lie When you said I was your only I was just another guy Well, if I'm the one who pays the rent I've got to have a heart with the plan Because I've been a fool too long I had you bring it all to me I've been a fool too long I ain't going to be fooled no more So is that you changed But that was just a lie When you said I was your only I was just another guy

Well, if I'm the one who pays the rent I've got to have a heart with the plan Because I've been a fool too long I had you bring it all to me I've been a fool too long And I ain't going to be fooled no more I've been a fool too long And I ain't going to be fooled no more I've been a fool too long I've been a fool too long I've been a fool too long And I ain't going to be fooled no more So is that you changed I've been a fool too long

And I ain't going to be fooled no more By the emperor's side Then I'd want to be the favorite I've also got to have a heart with the plan Woooow, come down here! I would like to call your attention in the studio, and the attention of the viewers.

at home to please watch this actor and listen to what he says for 21 and a half hours day in and day out. Never will there be words as significant and as revelant as the words you're about to hear through the eyes the heart and the soul of this man that you're about to see I hate people I like to sneak up on them when they're only two or three or four years old when their bodies

are straight and healthy and full of bounds and fun full of life and joy when they're saying look at me look at me see how high I can jump and look at me mom watch me catch the ball look at me dad see how fast I can run those are the little ones I like to pull down because I hate people especially children it makes me laugh when they can't stand up let man hurl himself into the galaxies and take snapshots of the moon but down here on this earth where I prowl he is still unable to find a cure for the scourge of little children for I am muscular dystrophy the hater of people especially children and I dare you to stop me it will take more money more time more science and more love than you have yet been willing to give yes I am muscular

dystrophy I hate people especially children and I dare you to stop me I dare you the actor was Steve Franken a good friend and a man who I really had to beg to do that material written by bud shulberg helping us make our point we feel it is the most meaningful piece of literature written about my kids ever since the inception of this organization we thank bud shulberg and mr. Steve Franken for doing a most superb performance for training a disease it's hardly easy

out

because I'm the one that won your love but if it's Steve you're talking that way they're laughing my face listen to me it's gonna stay mine I can't have my feelings I got out of my mind I'm gonna chew down you can't do that I'm the one that won your love but if it's Steve you're talking that way they're laughing my face I got out of my mind I'm gonna let you down

I'll leave you behind because I told you before oh you can't do that oh you can't do that I therefore wrote something and I would just like to let you hear what it says I didn't want to put it on cue cards and I couldn't memorize it in time but they're the words that I hit with my fingers at the typewriter well ladies and gentlemen the all-new labor day telephone against my mosquito discovery is just about over is just about over Louis that's a cue and while my heart is happy

and I hope to feel a deep sense of pride thanks to your response and your support there's also a feeling of sorrow and I think that sorrow stems from the fact that we have to do a telethon in the first place I suspect if I live another 100 years I'll never understand the why of what's been perpetrated upon my kids and I know the good Lord says we shouldn't question but I've always been a man filled with curiosity and wonderment about life and the human condition and so now I will spend the next year curious again anxious again full of prayer again that our labor of love this day will be the beginning of the end of this muscular history telephone and if that is to be you all have my deepest gratitude and my love for helping me have that happen

if it isn't to be then I must start questioning again but with the questions will come the same dedication same hard work hope and continued hate of this vicious killer muscular discovery and I swear by all that is holy I will not stop my attack on it until it has no one to attack anymore and just has to vanish from the face of the earth if I have to come to you again my hope is that your hearts and your concern will be in the same place they were this day I pray I never see you again under these conditions good night course there's no pretense that this was encyclopedic

just some of my favorites I'm sure you have some of yours and of course there is no editorial comment either expressed or implied as is so very usual on this program meet personally I'm looking forward to the talking dog and in case anybody wonders it is the policy of this program to recommend helping all worthy causes one more time in just a moment ladies and gentlemen

that concludes this special telethon memories edition of Lesho Lesho returns next week at this very same time over a vast majority of these same stations if you'd like a copy of Lesho anyone you desire please specify the date and close a check for $10 made out to century of progress productions and send your request to Lesho 1900 Pico PICO Boulevard Santa Monica California 90405 that's also the address for any other mail one more time Lesho comes to you from century of progress productions and originates to the facilities of sats a satellite service of KCRW Santa Monica happy labor day everybody

now stay tuned for cafe Brazil with Roberto Lestengi that's coming up next after a special message for you here on KCRW Santa Monica and here's a reminder the repeat broadcast of Lesho has now moved it can be heard every Monday evening at 10 pm here on KCRW Santa Monica community service of Santa Monica College at 89.9 FM national public radio for most of southern California good morning good afternoon depends on when you got up this morning how he shares a hard act to follow i'm going to see what i can do with it just remember this is real not part of