Le Show; 2008-05-04

From deep inside your radio. Ladies and gentlemen from New Orleans, Louisiana, where we're just finding out that the gold standard for ethics reform has been undermined by the insertion of three crucial words into the into law, which is being bragged about all over the country, including on the tonight show, Jay, you might want to look into this, that any ethics question has to be resolved by the provision of, quote, clear and convincing evidence, which is higher than the standard under which O.J. Simpson was found liable for the two killings in the civil trial. Just one notch below, beyond a reasonable doubt, and a standard of proof, which an ethics board is unable to determine, because it doesn't have prosecutors and investigators and blah, blah, blah. Hello, from the buried lead department, this is from the new book

by General Ricardo Sanchez, named, may, may ring a distant fuzzy bell. He was the commander of U.S. troops in Iraq during the good times back in Abu Ghraib days, when, you know, it was cool to pile prisoners in a naked human pyramid and send some snaps back home to the folks. Well, let's gentlemen, you know, the, the real surge is beginning, the surge of books by people who've left and want to tell their version of the story. Already we've had Paul Wolfowitz's book and Doug Feith's book. Now here comes Ricardo Sanchez's book as the surge continues. And this is from time magazine's websites, coverage, excerpt from the book, dig where the lead comes, dig where the money sentence comes. So here's

Ricardo Sanchez ticked off because then defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld, I told you this was the good old days, has called Sanchez in to read and review a memo that Rumsfeld has had generated. The kind of makes it clear that whatever got screwed up, Rumsfeld didn't know about it. Specifically, the decision to start pulling American troops out of Iraq right after the toppling of the statue and of the, and of the guy the statue was depicting. So here's Sanchez. I'd never seen any approved sent comm that central command campaign plan either conceptual or detailed for the post major combat operations phase. The phase that's called phase four in the military. When I was on the ground in Iraq and saw what was going on, I assumed they'd done zero phase four planning. Now three years later, I was learning for the first time my assumption was not completely accurate. In fact, sent comm had originally

called for twelve to eighteen months of phase four activity with active troop deployments. But then Sanchez continues. Sanchez had completely walked away by simply stating the war was over and phase four was not their job. That decision set up the United States for a failed first year in Iraq. The year Sanchez was there. There's no question about it. And I was supposed to believe that neither the Secretary of Defense knew anything about it. Impossible. Rumsfeld knew about it. Everybody in the NSC knew about it, including Donald Lisa Rice, George Tennant and Colin Powell, Vice President, Cheney knew about it and President Bush knew about it. Says Sanchez. There's not a doubt in my mind that they all embraced this decision to some degree, the decision to pull the troops out when the war was declared over. And if it had not been for the moral courage of General John Abusei to stand up to them all and reverse the troop withdrawal order, there's no telling how much more damage would have been done. In the meantime, hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars were unnecessarily spent and worse yet too many of our most precious military resource, American soldiers

were unnecessarily wounded, maimed and killed as a result. The last sentence ladies and gentlemen, in the article, the excerpt, quote, general Sanchez, in my mind, this action by the Bush administration amounts to gross incompetence and dereliction of duty, unquote. You just have to get to the end to read that, don't you? With a farewell to Al Wilson, hello, welcome to Lucho. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. From Spent and Distance from the Mississippi River in New Orleans, Louisiana from the French quarter, I'm Harry Scherer. Welcome you to this edition of Lucho.

Ladies and gentlemen, the inspectors general have been added again. A new report now warns that traveling through Yosemite, specifically the 74-year-old tunnel to see the views of the granite peaks, might literally take your breath away. Carbon monoxide can accumulate to hazardous levels in the busy summer months because aging tunnel fans don't work properly. Some experts also fear a disastrous fire could ignite. This is just one of several dozen safety hazards in dire need of repair according to the interior department's inspector general, who found risky conditions at work sites, schools, dams, and for-popular national parks. Auditors said they also found a pattern of department managers repeatedly putting off fixes for long-standing public problems, long-standing safety problems that threaten both the public and employees. We believe the department must take immediate steps to prevent existing hazards from escalating into deadly ones. Says Inspector General Earl Devaney, he released his report late last month, found shotty conditions at 13 schools and investigators spot-checked among more than 180 of the agency runs for American Indian children on tribal reservations.

That's a nice touch. Couldn't you get any blankets while you're at it? Nearly 60 dams managed by interior were found to be at high risk of giving way or overflowing. Well, that's easy, just calling the core of engineers. Interior employees themselves were often at greatest risk. Staff members of the Fish and Wildlife Service and the Geological Survey continued to work in a condemned fish hatchery near Jackson, Wyoming, until the auditors warned the secretaries of interior's office last year. Building had been close to the public for seven years because of dangerous structural flaws, but employees continued to use some of the facilities to restock endangered trout. Interior department employees' accident rates are among the highest in the federal government. The audit says the agency has far too few safety employees for its mission in size. The Secretary of Interior says he's made a personal commitment to his employees to improve health and safety agency-wide. The auditors' heightened concerns had heightened concerns about three problems they noticed

early on, the Wawona tunnel in Yosemite, the schools on the Indian reservations and the Fish hatchery. In the middle of the audit, they urged the Secretary, Dirk Kempthorn, to address them quickly. I am alarmed at the potential for a catastrophic event of massive and deadly proportions in the tunnel at Yosemite, one park service official wrote anonymously in a safety survey. Auditors also determined that Yellowstone's water systems are significantly deteriorating, and that they now close dinosaur national monument was literally falling apart of a top-shifting soil in Colorado putting irreplaceable fossils at risk. At Grant Teton, an office headquarters building located on an earthquake fault is not built to code for earthquake protection. The Bureau of Indian Affairs inspected all tribal schools reviewed in the audit and began making lists of repairs. Your inspector general and work, ladies and gentlemen, this is a special edition of the show. Although

as I say, I'm in New Orleans, Go Hornets, the main body of this show is going to be about Los Angeles and specifically one particular person in Los Angeles who has just passed away and who got a little obituary. But the passing wasn't widely noticed. I don't think. Although he had a profound effect on me when I was growing up and I wanted to share some of that with you today. His name was Brian Clueer and for about four decades he had a radio show in Los Angeles called Sinek's Choice. The title of the show doesn't give you really much clue of what he did. What he did was to introduce that segment of Los Angeles that might have been listening to him to the great world of British comedy. And he actually succeeded in his career in being on more radio stations in Los Angeles than I have, which is saying something. He moved this show basically about every six months

as stations decided, well, that's too cranky. That's too weird. That's too out of format. And every once in a while, I had realized where he'd moved to and catch up with the show. But it was during the time I was growing up that it just had the most profound influence on me because it was this other world of comedy that Brian Clueer, I Brit himself. His day job was he had a little shop first in the ambassador hotel, which you could go see if the city hadn't colluded in its destruction because it was historic. Why would you want that around that place, the ambassador hotel. And then he moved it out to Santa Monica just because I guess he thought the homeless people had money and a taste for British comedy. But he had the shop was not just stocked with British comedy records and later videos. It was stocked. And I think this was its main stay with the foods that expatriate Brits in Los Angeles missed. For example, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know if you know this.

The Hines baked beans that they sell in Britain are not the same as the Hines baked beans that they sell in the United States. And a guy builds a business around that. Anyway, one day a week he'd come in and play most amazing British comedy on record, because in those days it was put on record. And I'm going to share some of it with you today starting with where it should start, starting with Peter Sellers. I wasn't keen on the assignment when my editor first handed it to me. Do a feature on Major Ray Fruff. There's been so many stories about Major Ralph, the colourful horse dealer who'd gone into the business of managing rock and rail stars. I mean, he personally discovered such disc names as Lene Brons, Clint Thigh, Matt Lust, and such vertical groups as the Fleshpots, the Macriakers. There were always five or six up and coming rock stars living with him in his luxury flat in Main Street. So it was naturally there I went to

get my interview. These rock and roll boys are big business now. But it must be very different, gang from horse trading to rock and roll singers. Well, of course it is. I mean, horses who've got a better laugh of music. Have you ever seen a rock and roll singer? I mean, have you ever seen one up close? Well, no, I'm, I'm mostly on book reviewing. Well, good specimen. He's about 17 or 18 years old. About five foot ten, fully extended, sagging about five foot four in the singing position. Points to look for are the forehead. It shouldn't be more than about half an inch of that. Penty of mouth. The lower lip permanently slacken wear of a possible fall in arches. They shave a lot of trouble in mid-career, you know. I suppose a nice musical singing voice is what you look out for as well, is that right?

I do, yes. First sign of that and arty girls. To me, the most fascinating part is that you always house five or six of these rock and roll stars in your own home. Well, it's not all that eccentric. I mean, some of them can be hard-stained with a little patience. Would you, would you like to see one? Get run by, you're. Ah, ah, ah, Major, Sam Rotten Ernst, Pinser Strings of Marquatala. You've got the guitar on back to front. How many times must I tell you the whole points away from you? So much to learn, so little time. And you should know better than you enter this part of the flat. It's in your contract, where the carpet begins, you heart. Now, which one are you anyway? I'm so a rambo. I'll tell you a real name, the name I gave you. I haven't said I've embroidered on your t-shirt for you. Look there, man. Look there, ah, there. Between the sunset and the coconut palms. Ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm twig Conway.

I'm trying to remember it in future. Come over here, I know. Come over here and meet this. Come on, faster, faster, faster! I can't walk any first now. Each crepe soures, I'm half the gram. Just kill yourself against a wall. What have you done to your blue jeans? I had to cut an e-sup, my joy. I had to cut them out. They were so tight, my kneecaps were all green. Well, you're not going on television, looking like that. You just borrow my fountain pen and ink in, where the flesh shows. I want you to meet this lady sitting in the art chassis from a newspaper. Ah, hello, I'm a journalist. My name is Nancy Lisbon. I should so much like to do a story on you. I mean, you as a person. What is it? Tell me, what does it feel like to suddenly find yourself a teenage idol? Well, ah, it doesn't make much difference, really. I mean, I was idol before I was a teenager. Eh, no, no. What, ah, the lad is trying to say, ah, is that success has not spoiled him. He's still the same, Tweet. He always was. Right, lad?

Ah, yeah, that's what I should have said, yeah. Of course, it's what you should have said. I don't be nervous, lad. Just remember our lessons on how to answer press questions. Just bear in mind what you've been told to say. We are Tweet. Do you want to stay a rock and roll singer all your life? I mean, what is your ultimate ambition? We are just good friends. That is the answer to another question. Remember, the answer to this one is, I want to become an all round. I want to become an all round entertainer. Ah, I ain't a thiner, yeah. My dream is one day, I play Old Vic in Shakespeare. Ah, sweet. You are fond of Shakespeare? Ah, are you fond of Shakespeare? Ah, we are just good friends. It's rather shy, still. Just a sweet lover, lad, natural

fun loving and a good son to his own mother and father. Tell Mrs. Lisbon how you look after your parents, Conway. Your parents, your mother and father. Ah, yeah, I know that I've got some money. I've been able to move my old mum and dad into a small house. I bet they're delighted. I know that I ain't. They was in a big house. It was the Majors, I do see. They said you have victim in our flock. Yes, I think Lisbon has probably had enough. No, Conway, back you go to your quarters. Tell Vincent Donnie I'll be along very soon for some hip twitching practice. All right, sir. Well, goodbye, Mrs. Lisbon. Goodbye, Tweet. And if you think of anything further, he has my card. I think I'd better be getting along too, Major. Thank you, I'll see you to the front door. I trust Mrs. Lisbon.

You won't go and write one of those nasty, dirty stories about my kids. And you saw Conway for yourself. He's just as normal and well-balanced as any other 17-year-old ex-plaster has made suddenly earning a thousand quid a week. Yes, it has made me think. And don't you go making me out to be a sort of profiteering spend galley, will you? I mean, these boys stay here willingly because to them I'm almost a second father. We enjoy a very beautiful relationship, beautiful Mrs. Lisbon because it is based on trust, mutual trust. It's a very rare quality in this modern world, Major. It is indeed. Yes, don't touch the door now, it's got 2,000 votes running through it. Well, good night, Mrs. Lisbon. Good night, Major. Now ladies and gentlemen, the apologies of the week. Well, a Christian pastor has apologized for a sermon. No, it's not what you think. It's been a month since the Reverend Richard

Mark Lee apologized for what he said was the arrogant, judge-metal attitude the Christian church has displayed over the years. During that time he said, fielded calls from Good Morning American producers who considered having him on their show, hey, babe, I know the feeling. It's been interesting, he said, Lee, the senior pastor, it's Sugar Hill first Baptist. And most of what we've heard has been very positive. In his March 30th Apology sermon, he said he was sorry to women who have had abortions, gays, and anyone else the church might have hurt, judged, and dismissed. Lee apologized personally for having picketed an abortion clinic and for having laughed at jokes deriding gay people. So he wasn't apologizing for a sermon, he was apologizing in a sermon. Just those damn prepositions. Ohio Attorney General Mark Dan said this week he had an affair with an employee and three aides were forced out of their jobs in a scandal over sexual harassment allegations. So Ohio, who knew? Dan, a Democrat who was often compared to Elliot Spitzer, said he will not resign even after an investigation scolded his conduct and Republicans called for him

to step down. Two women accused one of Dan's top aides of making unwanted advances in vulgar remarks. Dan would not have identified the employee involved in the affair which he called consensual and said it came during a difficult time in his marriage. He apologized to his wife and three children for the pain and embarrassment. Deadline New Orleans Jim Bennerzani, the former special agent in charge of the FBI's Louisiana operations, apologized to his staff this week for his public flirtation with political office mentioned on his broadcast last week that brought his ouster and told them he would spend two weeks mulling his options. Another apology, another nutty morning team on radio. When people say what role does radio play in the modern digital universe? I say just listen in the morning. Woody and Wilcox, who were on the air in Alaska, had a joke on the air. You're not an Alaskan unless you've made love to the Yukon River and peed in a

native woman. You see the original version of the joke is you're not an Alaskan unless you've made love to a native woman and peed in the Yukon River and they did the old switch room, which publicly revealed an attitude Alaskan natives face all too often says representative Mary Nelson, a Democrat of Bethesda, Alaska. The positive thing about this is it was on the airwaves not a joke between two people. She says not uttered under someone's breath, but in the light of day where it could be heard. Well, or not depending on the ratings. Radio hosts and the stations manager Gary Donovan have apologized on the stations web page. Kanye possibly related matter. Western Australian opposition leader Troy Buzwell had to hold back tears while acknowledging offensive behavior towards a female colleague. He refused to be drawn on an allegation that he sniffed the chair of a female staffer in late 2005. On 13 occasions, he described the allegation as an unsubstantiated rumor, but this week

he admitted the allegation was true. In an emotionally charged press conference had to take a break when tears started welling in his eyes. He conceded that his behavior before becoming leader and sometimes been highly offensive, but said he is committed to changing. There's no question that that's inappropriate behavior. Nobody questions that. And Troy understands that himself says the deputy leader of the liberal party, vouching for the chair's never mind. Miley Cyrus issued a statement exclusively to people magazine apologizing for a series of playfully provocative photos that circulated on the internet last week, as those from a racey as yet unreleased vanity fair photo shoot in which she appears to be nude. The singer 15 tells people my goal in my music and my acting is always to make people happy. For vanity fair, I was honored and thrilled to work with Annie Leibovitz. I took part in

a photo shoot that was supposed to be artistic, and now seeing the photographs and reading this story, I feel so embarrassed. Deadline San Diego Timothy Fuzzy Timz, a 45-year-old member of the Hell's Angels stood up for his first amendment right to freedom of expression this week. He refused to take off a black leather vest with a motorcycle club's death head insignia when he reported for jury duty. His stance got imbooted from the San Diego Superior Court's Hall of Justice because the judge had earlier ordered to defendants not to wear Hell's Angels wardrobe to their trial. It's a misunderstanding of the order by court security, set of court spokeswoman. The representatives of the Superior Court and the Sheriff's Department apologized to Timz and to club member Mick Rush for the misunderstanding. Coming back to Australia for our final apology, Shoal Haven, a little town in Australia, mayor is Greg Watson, made some remarks at a public meeting. He says the remarks have

been misconstrued. He made the remarks in relationship to the discounted sell-off of public land, which the council was proposing, and raised some opposition to the discounted pricing of the land. And his response was, quote, why don't you jack the price up? Why don't you be a good Jew? Why don't you screw the last dollar out of it like public enterprise would? He said at the meeting. And then one of the residents at the meeting had a reaction. Australia's ABC radio picks up the story. Yeah, I came up to him and I said to him, did you make some comments about Jews during a speech and he said, no, I didn't. And then it was sort of, yes, you did, no, you didn't sort of thing. And after a while, I said, well, you did say that. And I found that really, really offensive in that upsetting. And after a while, he says, oh, well, you know, maybe I did might have been a slip of the tongue.

Yeah, well, yes, I did say it. Sorry. He said, if I've offended you, I'm sorry. At which point I said, that's not really enough. I mean, the place was still half full. And I said, but I would like you to make a public apology. There's only people here, most of them are the same before to be honest, but I don't know who, what background those people had, the only new three or four people in the room. And I just said, look, just saying sorry to me isn't enough. I want you to make a public apology. And he just said no. And there admits he made the remarks, but says they've been taken out of context. I apologize to the gentleman concerned when he expressed concern about it later on, but it's a praise, which is in common use. I was a Jewish at home. And there's no offense in tenders. If anyone could convince my apologize, I've explained to you the context of it in relation to creating jobs. And it was not intended as an offensive remark. The remark could be taken as praise.

It could be taken as praise. It could be taken as praise. The apologies of the week ladies and gentlemen, a copyrighted feature of this broadcast. This is Lesho remembering Los Angeles radio personality, Brian Clouer, who introduced at least me, and I think some others in the Southern California area, to the world of British comedy, talent such as Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Two's out, Dad. Thanks for your back, Pete. Nothing like a nice cup of tea. That'd be like a nice cup of tea. Nothing like a nice cup of tea. What's that you're reading, Pete? Oh, this is a wonderful book, Dadditcha. It's steep in history, it's a book's purages. It's a brilliant idea. It's a book which contains the names of the 20,000 most noble people in the realm. Who'd want to read that, Pete? Well, the 20,000 most noble people in the world. First off, it's a superb idea. It all

dates back to the 18th century, Dadditcha, the eight of reason, but of course a clever called reign supreme. And there was this book, you see. What was his name, Pete? What was his name? He was a high-floating book, one of the great sats-experts. He was wondering about his palatial parkland, you see, Dadd, on a fine 18th-century summer morning. A lovely scene, as you can well imagine, the sand dabbling through the trees. Of course, one of his beautiful peatots, flaunting exotic feathers in the sunlight. Possibly. Emitting the strange bird-like cry, which sometimes comes from them. Very similar to the Northeer-Jast-Admitted. And, suddenly. Like, cool boy. No, suddenly, come to him.

What come to him, the peatot? No, this wonderful concept come to him. He thought, why don't I get hold of the names of the 20,000 most noble people in the realm, and flog it for two quid a time? He made a fortune out of it. Of course he did. I could do exactly the same thing, I could not. I could go up Baron Road and knock on every doorside. Excuse me, Mrs Taylor, I wonder if you could give me your name and I'll put it in a book and flog it back to you. You do very well, the Baron Road design. Yeah. Could do very nicely with that sort of thing. Of course, it could clean up, boy. Of course, the whole business of ancestors, it's extremely fascinating. I've been into my past, do you know? Really? Yes, I've traced myself back at Somerset House. And, do you know, in primordial times, my great-great-great-great-grandfather, come over with the Druids. But the Druids of Limington Crescent? Yes, Georgian... Georgian Phoebe's ancestors. Oh, yeah. Well, well, that's well, is it? I'll have a

bit of trouble. I went to Somerset House one morning. It was a nice morning. I thought, you know, go along to Somerset House, pop down and have a look at the birth certificate, you know? Might say, James, don't it? Of course it does, don't it? I went down there. I said to the gentleman behind the counter, I can't have a look at my birth certificate. And so he got it out, and the whole look, and he said, it had my mother's name down there. But where my father's name was, past the period, there wasn't nothing there. So, you know, I thought of myself, uh, Fanny, you know. Mother's name here, father's name not there, you know, I'm Fanny. Mother, no father, birth certificate. Exactly, I need a truth, I'm Fanny, I'm Fanny, yes, yes, yes. So I took my mother on this point, but she was very evasive about it. Well, it's probably a foggy evening, won't it?

Yeah. But, uh, the wonderful thing about the ancestry business is, you know, we've all got a bit of noble blood in our veins. Yeah, it's the best place for it, isn't it? Well, it's a wonderful place for blood, Dad. Let's keep it that way. Let's keep it that way. If it's nuclear age, well, over the whole hydrogen, harvest overs, that's all, exactly. Exactly. And, uh, do you know that we're all in line for succession to the throne? Really? Yes, if 48 million, 200,701 people died, I'd be queen. Where would I come in that, Pete? I think three quarters of the world has to pass away before you get in, don't you? But, uh, what would you do if you were queen, Pete? Well, I'd turn a job down, I wouldn't do it. Really? Too much that hard work, if you ask me.

Now, I'd rather like it, you know. I'd, uh, I'd do what I'd do. I'd give the MBE to Mrs. Wolley, and, uh, I'd, uh, I'd give Aunt Dolly the order of the garter for services rendered to humanity. Yeah. Your Aunt Dolly could do with a bit of decoration, couldn't she? This is La Show, and now, ladies and gentlemen, news from outside the bubble. From the BBC, police in southern China have discovered a factory, manufacturing flags that say free Tibet. The factory in Guangdong had been completing overseas orders for the flag of the Tibetan government in exile. Workers said they thought they were just making colorful flags and did not realize their meaning. Then some of them saw TV images of protesters holding the emblem and they alerted the authorities. This is according to Hong Kong's

Ming Pao newspaper. The factory owner reportedly told police the emblems had been ordered from outside China. He did not know that they stood for an independent Tibet. Workers who had grown suspicious checked the meaning of the flag by going online. See China will let you do that. Thousands of the flags had already been packed for shipping. Police believe some may already have been set overseas and could appear in Hong Kong during the Olympic torch relay protests. Coming up, which reminds me, I've often wondered if you just interviewed Chinese workers and asked them what any of the stuff they're making is for, or means. They might well be bewildered. Or maybe not. And from the telegraph newspaper in England, more than one in four honeybee colonies didn't survive the winter in Britain. Bekeepers want the government to stop the disaster. Bekeepers expect to lose a proportion of their bees every year, but far bigger losses than expected have been reported across the United Kingdom. Inspectors from the national bee unit

found 26% of the colonies dead compared to 18% last year. The British beekeepers' association has been warning the government that bee numbers have been falling dramatically and that a potential economic and ecological disaster was unfolding. The latest figures will renew fears that the mysterious colony collapse disorder, CCD, which is decimated bee colonies in the United States, may now be affecting British bees. News from outside the bubble latest gentleman, a copyrighted feature of this broadcast. This is Lesho saluting the British comedy that formed an audio part of my childhood thanks to Los Angeles radio host Brian Cluer. And this was the comedy that was listened to and watched later on in Britain. I'm reliably informed by the current generation that we're all much more familiar with. I think Monty Python, Ricky Gervais, those folks grew up listening to

the Goon shows, which I'm not going to play because I've never understood them. I mean, I heard people laughing as I was listening to them as a kid and I just went, why? But they were fast moving and great characters. I just didn't understand why the people were laughing. And you may have the same feeling about these. But an interesting fact about the material I'm featuring today, which is as close as I can come to recapturing the original generation of British humor featured by Brian Cluer on his radio show. His long-lived radio show in Los Angeles is a strange thing these these three pieces and many more have in common. Both the Peter Sellers and the Peter Cook and Dudley Moore and the one I'm going to feature next, Flanders and Swan, who were mainly a musical comedy act. They wrote funny and wrote and performed funny songs, but not all the material was musical.

All three acts were produced by the same man. And that fact was pretty much the explanation of why a British rock and roll band, a skittish about going into the recording studio for a major record company, agreed to let this guy produce their records. The band, of course, was the beetle if the man was George Martin and here are Flanders and Swan. Wimbledon, June, ladies singles, third round. Ball boys are bounding all over the ground. Place started at two and we're still on the rack. It's a quarter to five and they've hardly begun. A perfect defense meets a perfect attack. Michelle Hammerfest meets Miss J. Hunter Dunn. Game to Miss Hunter Dunn. Miss Hammerfest leads by

two games to one in the third set, having won the first by 18 games to 16, lost the second, 25, 27. I never liked tennis. Damn silly name of the game with its volleys and lubs and all that. The first time I umpired was June 36. I didn't think much of it then. Just rather fancy it myself in the hat. Since when I have umpired again, then again, then again. And year after year, as I've sat on court after court, I've been struck by the thought they are bashing a ball with a gut of the cat. What a score. You may think it's tedious seen from down there. It's ludicrous seen from above. 15 love, keeping my eye firmly fixed on the

ball, hoping the linesman will know what to call. 15 or does each long drawn out point puts my neck out of joint. What a job set off to set. Oh, the relief when you get the occasional log. Till they smash it. Oh, did you see that? 15. What does it all mean? 40. A 15. Why 30? My 40. 15. What do I mean? Said I just said one, nothing, two, nothing, three, nothing again. Do just the same. Some of the older debenture holders be bound to get shirty. 40, 30. Now the spectators are trickling out as thunder about with luck it'll rain. I don't want to reduce. Juice. Half of me bored. Net God. The other half nervous. First service. Bush it with dinner. Thank God a winner.

Vantage, Miss Hammerfest. Bunk. Bink. Bunk. Bink. Drives you to drink. Sitting up here, I'm obsessed with the fear of getting it wrong. Everyone else will be going, Bunk. Bink. I should be going, Bink. Bunk. Do get it over with. What is the use that we're back again? Juice. Wimbledon June ladies singles third round. Groundsman aroused. How's the state of the ground? Players are photograph jumping the nets. Here's it's a figure, one always forgets. The ampah upon whom the sun never sets. And now ladies and gentlemen, news of the warm. Do you think? Dead zones containing two little oxygen for fish to breathe are growing as global temperatures

increase, according to new scientists. Warmer water dissolves less oxygen. I didn't know that. So as temperatures rise, oxygen vanishes from the oceans. Marine biologists are warning that if dead zones continue expanding, oceanic deserts could massively deplete marine life and fish stocks. Recovery of the ozone hole above Antarctica could warm the Antarctic and cause more ice to melt in coming decades, researchers have told nature. As the ozone hole heals, wind patterns that shield the interior of the polar region from warm air may break down, causing warming in the Antarctic as well as warmer and drier conditions. In Australia, am I? Despite global temperatures rising the interior of Antarctica has experienced a unique cooling trend during its summer and autumn over the last few decades, scientists attribute this cooling to the hole in the ozone layer which alters atmospheric circulation patterns and strengthens the westerly winds that swirl around the continent. Those winds have isolated the Antarctic interior from the warming pattern seen on the

continent's peninsula and throughout the rest of the world. So you fix it, you screw it up. The warming of the Antarctic may have been delayed because of the ozone holes as atmospheric scientists, Judith Perlwitz. But thanks to the Montreal Protocol that banned the release of ozone depleting substances, most scientists agree the ozone hole has properly reached its largest and that ozone levels will recover by the end of the century. You try to do something good for the Antarctic. Parts of North America and Europe may cool naturally over the next decade as shifting ocean currents temporarily blunt the global warming effect caused by mankind according to Germany's Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences. Average temperatures in California and France may drop over the next 10 years, influenced by colder flows in the North Atlantic, said this report, temperatures worldwide may stabilize in the period. Hmm, study was based on sea surface temperatures of currents that move heat around the world in very from decade to decade. This regional cooling effect may temporarily neutralize the long-term warming. Says Richard Wood,

a research scientist in the UK's Meteorological Office. Those natural climate variations could be stronger than the global warming trend over the next 10-year period would said, without knowing that you might erroneously think there's no global warming going on. And climate change is a growing risk to older properties in and southern British cities, including London, and should inform the decision-making of investors in property. According to one of Britain's biggest pension fund managers, so don't buy property in London. News of the warm latest generally copyrighted feature of this broadcast, how are things going in Iraq? Well, you know that the Congress has begun making noises about now that the oil prices have moved sky high. You know, like we promised they were before the war, that maybe the Iraqi government should shoulder more of its financial share of the reconstruction and the other thing. The war thing. Well, here's the reaction of Abdul Basit, the head of Iraq's supreme board of audit

and independent body that oversees Iraqi government spending. Quote, America has hardly even begun to repay its debt to Iraq. This is an immoral request because we didn't ask them to come to Iraq and before they came in 2003, we didn't have all these needs. Unquote. How's the war on terror going? Well, let's ask the State Department, won't we? The U.S. State Department has just released its 2007 report on terrorism. Al Qaeda remains the biggest threat to the United States and its allies, but using the tribal areas of Pakistan, who knew that? It has rebuilt some of its pre-September 11th capabilities, and its top leadership, especially Yemen al-Zawawi, who really has regained some of its control over the group's operations worldwide. The number of what the reported and identified as terrorist attacks worldwide fell slightly in 2007, but the number of people killed in the attacks rose, small percentage, which suggests that people around the world are getting increasingly efficient

at killing other people, as an official from the National Counterterrorism Center, says. One factor contributing to the increased lethality of the attacks increased use of backpacks by suicide bombers that are easier to sneak into crowded areas. There was a 50% increase in suicide attacks worldwide over the previous year. Incidents fell slightly in Iraq, but still accounted for 45% of all attacks and 60% of all terrorism fatalities worldwide in 2007. Pakistan saw a 100% increase in attacks, injuries, and fatalities in our friend quadrupled. There was a 16% increase in terrorist attacks in Afghanistan. Well, over 50% of those killed or injured were Muslims. 2400 were children. We're on terror, ladies and gentlemen. Mission accomplished. And some Los Angeles dog trainer corrections, because, you know, now that the papers under new ownership, I'm sure things have gotten much better on the accuracy level. A review in Monday's

calendar section of Princess Performance at the Coachella Valley Music Festival said that Sheena Eastern performed with him on I feel for you. It was Shaka Khan, who sang with him. The review also said that Shelby Jay sang a cover version of Sarah McLaughlin's Angel. That performance posed by Ledie C an article in Friday section A on Turkish mediation efforts at Israel's border with Syria had been quiet since the 1967 Middle East War. In fact, Israel and Syrian troops battled in the Golan Heights during the 1973 war between Israel and its neighbors. An article in Monday's health section about the hallucinogenic herb salvia divinorum referred to a slogan for the use of psychedelic drugs as, quote, turn on and tune out, unquote, the actual slogan coined by Timothy Liri was tune on turn on tune in and drop out. Well, that's just because it's kids running the paper now. And speaking of drugs, the obituary of Albert Hoffman, the Swiss chemist who discovered

LSD in Wednesday's California section of the Los Angeles dog trainer said he was survived by his wife Anita. She died in December. The story also referred to peyote mushrooms. Peyote is a cactus. Los Angeles dog trainer corrections, ladies and gentlemen, for you. Now, once again, Peter Sellers and this was the the piece that that first alerted to me to what an amazing American accent, at least one British comedian could do. The the meta joke in all of this is that the name of the community being a being profiled in this pseudo documentary is ballam as it's pronounced in Britain, ballam. And it's like Downey, I guess, more than any place else. But it gets transformed. We enter ballham through the verdant grasslands of Battersea Park. And at once we are aware that here

is a land of happy, contented people who go about their daily tasks in truly democratic spirit. This is busy high street focal point of the town's activity. Note the quaint old stores whose frontage is covered with hand painted inscriptions. Every one a rare example of native ballham art. Let us read some of them as our camera travels past. A song to remember at the 10th amounts cinema. A suit to remember at Montague Moth. Emotions conducted with decorum in taste. Fight a night to bring your own paper, rally Thursday, Barclay Square, by Countess Luacherman, Mrs. Gerald Legge, up the ruling classes. This shows the manifold activities of ballham's thriving community. But in quiet corners we still find examples of the

exquisite workmanship that ballham craftsmen have made world famous. Toothbrush holdsmanship. On my forge I carved the little holes in the top of toothbrushes. It is exciting work and my forefathers have been engaged upon it since 1957. The little holes in the top are put in manually or in other words once a year. I recently had the honor of demonstrating Markraft before the only of us. He stopped by one day for a couple of words. I did not understand either of them. So much for ballham's industries. Now let us see a little more of the town. Here is the great park covering nearly half an acre. This is where the children traditionally meet by the limpid waters of the old drinking fountain. A drinking fountain that has for countless years across the vast

ends of time given untold pleasure to man, woman and child. Beside this fountain donated by Abel counselor Quill's as long ago as 1928, the little ones sit around a trim nurse made and listen spellbound and enchanted as she reads them a story. With one bound he was by her side. Nora felt his heart breath on her cheek as he ripped the thin silk from. We are now entering old Balham. Time has passed by this remote corner. So shall we. But Balham is not neglectingly cultural side. This is Eugene Quill's whose weekly recitals are attended by a vast concord of people. He has never had a lesson in his life. Such is the enthusiasm of Balham's music lovers that they are subscribing to a fund to send

Eugene to Italy or Vienna or anywhere. Nightfalls on Balham. From Quill's folly, Balham's famous beauty spot, which stands nearly 10 feet above sea level, the town is spread below us in a fairyland of glittering lights, changing all the time. Green, amber, red, red and amber and back to green. The nightlife is awakening. The El Maracco T-Room. Hey, miss. Yeah, it's much more. Tilted. They're off, dear. Oh, baked beans? Off. Oh, meat, meatloaf salad. That's off, too.

Pot of tea? No tea, dear. We'll just milk this. Milk's off. Roll and batten. No, batter, dear. Oh, just a roll. Only bread, love. I might adjust as well as stay at home. Well, to know, does your good to have a fling occasionally? No. And so the long night draws on. The last stragglers make their way home, and the lights go out one by one as dorn approaches and the bell of St. Quill's parish church, talls 10 o'clock. Balham sleeps. And so we say farewell to this historic borough with many pleasant memories and the words of St. Quill Smith, Balham's own bard, burning in our ears. By country-churchard, ferniffend, and mear, what Quill's mute, in glorious lies buried here.

Oh, stands the church-clock at 10 to 3, and is there honey still for tea? Honey's off there. Ladies and gentlemen, that's going to conclude this week's edition of the show with Dudley Moore,

doing his version of the Colonel Bogey March. The program returns next week at the same time over the same stations over NPR worldwide, throughout Europe, the USN440 cable system in Japan, around the world through the facilities of the American Forces Network, up and down the east coast of North America via the shortwave giant WBCQ, the planet's 7.4 and 5 megahertz on the mighty 104 in Berlin, on serious and XM satellite radios, available via the internet at two different locations on your computer, whenever you want them, it's live at archive, airyshear.com and KCRW.com, available as a free download at www.audible.com slash the show and available as a free podcast at KCRW.com. And it'd be just like us being as funny as the Brits, if you'd agree to join with me then. Would you already thank you very much, uh-huh? No, you're right, I forgot about Larry the cable guy,

a typical a show-shap hoe to the San Diego Pittsburgh and Chicago desks, for helping today's broadcast and as always to Pam Haustead, the website where you can find the playlist for these broadcasts and the email address for the host is harryshear.com. The show comes to you from Century of Progress, Productions and Origins and Astronauts and Facilities of KCRW Santa Monica, a community recognized around the world as the home of the homeless, so long from New Orleans.