Aware!; Every Child Needs a Home (Adoption/Home Foster Parenting)

They're called waiting children because they need stables, safe, secure places to call home. We're talking about children in need of adoption or who need foster parents and you could be the person who makes a difference in the children's lives. The Aware Show starts right now. Hi, I'm D.D. Sharpen, welcome to this edition of The Aware Show. We're glad to have you right there with us. Nationwide there are over 500 children in foster care and more than 100,000 who are all legally available for adoption. In Florida there are over 1,600 children waiting to be adopted and right here in our local area just to put things into perspective for you.

The numbers are just as staggering. There are 500 children all in need of a loving family and a permanent place to call home. Well today on The Aware Show, we're excited because we're going to show you just a few of the faces of these beautifully gifted children who are right here in our area, in our state, across our country, all in need of loving homes. We'll also share the compelling stories of families who have stepped up and opened their hearts and homes to children who need it, parents. Perhaps if you have ever thought about adopting a child or becoming a foster parent or just want to know what you can do to help in these efforts, or we have some information on this show that will hopefully help you in giving one of the greatest gifts that you can give to a child, the gift of a loving family. Here to tell us more about the need of secure places to call home for our waiting faces that will introduce you to in just a moment are our guests that we've invited here on The Aware Show from the family first network of Lakeview, our guests include the following.

Marie Marshall, she is a foster parent recruiter. We're glad to have Terry Marshall here because she will be showing us and giving us information that will help you, just in case you're on the fence, of adopting a child. We also have for you Peggy Custret, she's an adoption parent recruiter, she'll be shedding some light on information that we can give you about adopting children as well. Next we have Michael Harris, he's a foster parent himself and he'll tell you about his life's experience and what has led him to do this. Elijah and Katie Hicks are here with us as well, they'll be talking with us about their experience as foster parents and as adoptive parents as well. And yes, we have a bonus for you here on The Aware Show, touching your hearts, Megan Banks will do that because she is a foster care kid who has been adopted and get this as a teenager, will be sharing her story and stories like hers, you won't want to miss

this. Hi everyone, welcome to The Aware Show. Hi, glad to have you, each one here because this is so important to us here at The Aware that if by the end of the show someone who has been straddling the fence and thinking about being a foster parent or adopting a child, they'll do like the Hicks and they'll do like Mr. Harris and they'll reach out to the Megan's not only here in our area but across this country to give them a home. All right, we're going to start with Megan, you are up because we're so grateful that you are braving this opportunity here on The Aware Show to share with us your story. And we want to remind you that the information that you're going to share with us doesn't need to be specific to you but to children who are like you, okay? How did this whole cycle begin for you and at what age? I originally got put in foster care a couple weeks before my 13th birthday. I was in foster care for about three years, I got adopted when I was 16 and I got adopted

by a really nice family, they have a four and a five year old, I have two little brothers and they're the bank's family, I met them in January of last year so now it's been a year that I've been into their home and when I first met them I was very nervous because you know I'm a teenager and a lot of teenagers in foster care, especially around the ages of 15 and up, start to lose hope because they think that well we're going to turn 18 in a couple of years, nobody would want us, you know, we're going to move out anyways. And a lot of people don't realize that even though you, if you do adopt a teenager from foster care and even though they may be 18 in a couple of years, doesn't mean that they stop being your family, they're going to be your family for the rest of your life. And you know, you've got to think of it, you as an older person, if you're like 30 or

40 you know, you need help, you call mom or dad, you know, and unfortunately a lot of teenagers in foster care do age out of the system. And foster care does do a lot in independent living, but unfortunately a lot of teenagers do not have places to call home, like when they're 30 and 40 and they say, hey mom, I need help with this, I'm stuck or hey dad, I need help, you know, they don't have any place to call to. And I think a lot of people who don't have children don't know what it's like to be able to call on Megan's either, so it goes both ways. So Megan, you're telling us that for your 13th birthday, you were basically without a place to call home. Yes. That had to be very difficult for you. And did that lead to any emotional problems for you or how were you taking that? I was very confused when I got put into foster care because I only thought that I would be in some other place temporarily.

I was with my biological mom and a caseworker came knocking on our door and my mom said, you have to pack your clothes, you're going to go somewhere else for a little while, but I promise I'll get you back. And I was put into the curry house when I first got put in foster care and it's a group home for teenagers and kids, I believe 12 and up or so, up to ages 18. And it was a group home for girls and boys and I was very, very confused and scared. Gotcha. And so you stayed there and had other kids around you were in similar situations. Do you feel like that was impacting you psychologically to the point where maybe you were having issues or something with that? I believe I gained a lot of anxiety and a lot of depression when I first got put into foster care because there were so many staff workers just coming through, you know? And you don't get to meet the people before you get placed there. And it was just very, I'd say, it was very depressing.

Okay. So you felt like you were just going from home to home and there was no sense of permanence there. Yeah. And that may have led to some issues later on. But you were able to overcome those things because you did get a very precious gift. Yes, I got adopted when I was 16 by the Banks family. I met them in January at Denny's. I believe it was. My caseworker brought me up there and the Banks were explaining for me. We know you're 16 already and we know that you are going to turn 18 in a couple of years but we want you to know that we are your family and we will be here even after you turn 18 and you do not necessarily have to move out as soon as you turn 18. And hearing that information from people you didn't know who are willing to bring you in and become your family. What did that make you feel? Like, very weirded out because it was like the strange people want to help me? You didn't believe it, did you?

No, not at all. Honestly, no. I didn't. And then they showed you otherwise. Yeah. You became your family. They became yours. Yep. And then how did things go from there? Did things level out for you or what? Yes, after that time I met them, I got placed into their home about a couple weeks later. And even though I've only been in their home for a year, it feels like I've known them my whole life because like, lots of times will be me, my parents, my little brothers will have a conversation and my mom will say something as I'm saying it or as I'm thanking it in the same exact moment. And I think it's really funny because there's no blood relation. But it feels like there really is. So you have two brothers, mom and dad, what a great gift for you. It's 16. All right. You're in the 11th grade or now with a lot of big aspirations, tell us about that. We're going to be moving in about a year and a half and there's this college where they offer a really good program.

It's this degree where I can be a social worker, a counselor, and also I can work in churches like a youth pastor all in one degree. So you're going to be giving back then? Yes. Do you have any contact at all with your biological family? No, ma'am. Okay. Is that by choice or part of the adoption? By choice. By choice. Okay. Very good. We're going to come back to you just a moment. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You're welcome. Very great. What a turn to you, Peggy and Terry because Peggy, we know that you deal specifically with adoption children and we know that you do Terry with foster care parents and obviously Megan has come from a product of both of these entities. Tell us a little bit about the foster care system and what she was going through and then Peggy just want you to tell us a little bit about the adoptive process and we're going to get to the parents here who have foster parent parents and adoptive parents but we want to start with you. You know, it really can be a very scary time in a child's life. If you think about how old Megan was 13, you even have children that could be much

much much younger. Think about being in your own home with your own parents, your own family, your own environment, people that you know being familiar and then all of a sudden you do have to leave. You have to go with someone you've never seen before, strangers. You're taking to this place, to this building with a lot of people that you've never seen before that you don't know. That is really scary. With no sense of permanence. No. No sense of real security there. Exactly. It can be very, very scary. Think about even as an adult how we deal with change or uncertainties and then try to put it in the mind of a child. That could be extremely, extremely difficult. It can cause a lot of problems for kids. It can cause a lot of problems. Which makes it difficult for teenagers I think and we're going to get to that in just a moment. Exactly. First Peggy, I want you to talk to us about the adoptive process because this gives children a little bit more sense of permanence I think when we move to you. Well the adoption process starts with a class. It's the same class that our foster parents take.

But we want our families to understand what our kids have been through. Because everybody comes into our system because of some horrific situation. It's not a voluntary situation. Kids come in because they have been hurt. They're survivors of abuse and neglect or abandonment. And we want our families to understand that and understand how our children feel as a result of that. Megan talked about being scared and being depressed. That's very typical of our kids. They've been hurt. They've lost so much. They're angry about that. And so we want our foster and adoptive parents to understand that and understand why our kids sometimes act in unusual ways or ways that we might think are unusual until we understand where it's coming from. And so all of our families go through a class first to understand the kids in our system. And then they can decide, do I think I want to do temporary care? Do I want to be a foster parent and work with the agency to help children go home? Do I want a partner with them to work with the birth families or do I want to provide permanence for a child like Megan? And families decide that and at the end of the classes and they either become a foster

parent or an adoptive parent. We're hoping that a number of families will come forward to adopt kids like Megan because most of the waiting children are teenagers or siblings, children who want to stay together with their brother or sister or older children. Those are the kids who tend to wait. And that's your target. We understand that you all kind of really are working with, trying to get teens into homes, trying to keep siblings together, particularly with African Americans, just trying to find them homes. Tell us about some of the struggles with some of these areas. We'll start with the African American aspect of this. Not a lot of homes I guess available, although the Hicks are certainly going to be our exception to the rule and we'll get to them in a moment. But where's that problem? What we do is we try to look at the areas that we really want to focus on. And so we have targeted recruitment. And that is when we are focusing on more African American foster homes. We're focusing on trying to find more teen homes, as well as focusing on trying to find more Sib homes or sibling homes, shall I say, which can be very difficult. I think a lot of it is attributing to the fact of the economy, but we really need more

homes. We really need more people to say, you know what, I really want to open up my home to a child and care. I can tell you with being the recruiter and going to so many different events and always trying to do this job, the number one reason why people say they don't want to foster teachers because, you know what, I just can't deal with having to give the child back. I'll get attached. And my response to that is, I understand that, but imagine what a child goes to. Imagine what type of attachments, you know, that they have to, or detachment, shall I say, that they have to deal with. And as an adult, we expect the children to be able to go through that, but then we say we can't. And if you really think about that, that is really asking a lot. That is really asking a lot, you know? And I know it can be an uphill battle, too, if you're wanting a child, but you don't want to separate siblings. Exactly. And I know that you all are trying to find homes that will take on the children. Oh, very difficult. So let's talk about that. Very difficult. I remember, once a year, we would actually go to placement.

Placement is the part of our agency where they actually try to find a home for children and care. And we did it for a day. And it was very, very difficult. We had two children, the age three and two, that came into care. Their grandparents dropped them off and they said that they were moving to Alabama. They did not know where their bioparents were. So now they're being dropped up with us. They've never seen us before in their life. Finally, the children, the little girl, which was two, she never spoke the entire day. The little boy, which was three, he finally started to speak. He started to become more comfortable with us and he started to open up. And five o'clock came and then placement came back. And they were going to take them to a home. Immediately, the little boy ran and he grabbed his blanket. He laid on the floor and he said, because we told him, let's go get something to eat. And immediately, he laid down. He said, you go get it and you bring it back. He felt it. He knew it.

He knew it. He knew it. He knew it. He knew it. They had no shoes, no socks. They had nothing on or nothing with them, but they're shirt and they're in their shorts. That was it. Finally, we got the children to go, to go. We got them downstairs. They were very emotional, which we were too. And because of the fact that we didn't have enough homes, that particular night we had to split them up. Now, imagine, you've already lost your biological parents. Your grandparents just dropped you off over a couple of hours you developed a bond with us. Now, you have to leave us. And now, you're being split up from your sister and from your brother. And they had to go to separate homes. Thank God that the next day, we were able to find a home that could take them both. But think about children. And even them trying to comprehend and trying to understand in their little minds, what is actually going on? And they don't understand. There's no way you can actually sit down and explain to a child what they're going through.

Right. Do you have anything you want to add, Peggy? Because we want to get some of these parents. I do want you to go ahead and tell us a little bit about the adoption side of this for teens, African-Americans, and trying to keep siblings together. What are some of your appeal battles or what are some of the gaps that you'd like to see kind of bridged? Well, it is just finding families for older kids because people do think they're going to be moving on. But they're not. We're looking for families for a lifetime for our children. And so many of our kids, as Terry said, have lost everything. They don't want to lose their siblings. That's the most tragic thing when a child has to be separated from siblings for adoption. And then we're also looking for families who understand children who have complex medical problems. Many of our children come into the system because they have had their drug addicted or they've had some kind of their physically handicapped or mentally handicapped. And so we're looking for families who are interested in willing to work with those kinds of challenges too. Okay. And we have. And we have. Thank you, Peggy.

We have some parents who have been willing to open up their homes and their hearts and to become parents to our waiting children as we are talking about today. And that includes Michael and, of course, Elijah. And certainly don't want to get you Katie for joining us on the show. We appreciate it because what we want to do is, is if you are thinking about, or if you know someone who would like to be parents, foster parents and or adopted parents, these are the faces of a mirror for you. We'll start with you, Michael, because you have actually reached out to a teen yourself. That's correct. And tell us about your experience, your biological children, and bringing the adoptive children into your home and how that all came to be. I brought in a teen child last July and introducing to my family and it was like a perfect match. I have a 15 year old and a 7 year old and a 12 year old and the three just bonded extremely well right off the bat and you would have thought they had always been related.

So you have a 15 year old adoptive child now. You have a 12 year old adoptive child. You also have a biological son and a biological daughter. That is correct. I think there are seven and nine, did you tell me? Michaela's seven, Joey's 12, Cody's 14, and- Because they're all kids now. Yeah, they're all mine. I'm glad I love that. And here's a kicker for you, Michael. You're a single parent and you have four children, you have a path that's right on your back. There's your hands, all the two of them are full. So we're full time. It's very structured. We have our chores and the things that you have a person responsible for and we have the fun time and it's functional. So would you do just wake up one day and say, I think I'm just going to adopt some children or I want to be an adoptive parent. I mean, how did you get there when you have your own children?

I've always wanted a large family, but about five years ago when I first got started with foster care, I wanted to help new children. And that just kind of evolved into, you know, getting acquainted with more children and deciding to become an adoptive parent and adopt a child three years ago and then this past year adopted another. And once you get involved and get, you know, and work with the children, you just want to help more and continue to, you know, work with them, you know, and your heart goes out to them because their heart definitely comes to you. That's beautiful. Do you see any more kids in your future or is this super? Okay. Very good. Of course, we also have Elijah and Katie Hicks joining us as well in your foster parents and adoptive parents. Tell us about your experience. How did you get involved in who your kids? Do you want to be one of you? Do you want to start? One can speak for the family. Katie? Elijah? Well, we care for our work. We care for medically complex children.

So this little baby came in one day and that I hadn't seen before and I said, well, where did this baby come from? And the person that had them said, well, I don't know, we have two pieces of paper on him. I said, two pieces of paper and he said, yes, you know, family's first dropped him off and he had nowhere else to go. So I looked at him and he was beautiful. His eyes were so big and he had a bottle that was big as he was. And I said, oh, you are so beautiful. And he smiled at me and that did it. That was it. He stole my heart, still stealing it. And it was Elijah's birthday as a matter of fact, and I- Here's a birthday gift. Here's a birthday gift. Yes. The rector came in and she knows the lady over medical foster care. And I said, if he doesn't have anywhere to go, let me take him home until you can find placement for him.

And that did it. One thing she forgot, though. What's that? I just can't. She didn't need your permission. She knew she was going to have my support. But what was that like in Elijah when you found out you were going to be daddy? Just like that. It was very surprising to me, a matter of fact, she called me over to the job. And I'm thinking, well, you know, this day is my birthday and they're going to have a birthday party for me, you know. So I get there and she said, come here and she hand me this little boy. And all of a sudden, I'm looking at her like, what are you doing, you know? And then the director began to read about it. And I began to look at him and my heart just completely, yes. Y'all going to make me cry. That is a beautiful story. It was really. It was a good experience. Love it first time. It was. It was. So is that just your one adopted child? And you're starting crying too. You're right. You need to get your hands. Is this your first one or what do we do? It's our first one.

I can tell you a story, but I want you to tell it because we saw him when he was eight months old and because he was placed in an emergency situation, they needed a medical home right away. And since I've worked around medical children and my director was behind me and she gave some input on the matter that we were able to get him a week later. We saw him on August 4th and we got him that next week. He had a sibling that we didn't know anything about at the time, but we found out about it. We always say that brothers and sisters need to be together. If you can't have your parents or your grandparents or uncle, you should at least be able to have each other. So from the first, we said if there was any way possible that we would take them both then it was made possible. So you all have taken in siblings, then they're raising them, they're four and five years old now that you stand.

And all these years later, you're looking at these little people and they're looking back at you. What does that make you feel like to know that you open up your hearts and your minds and your homes and look at the product of what you've done? It's amazing. Sometimes it's overwhelming because we look at our age and sometimes I feel like I've cheated them because of my age, but they're safe with me. You know what I'm saying? If I had let them go, you always wondered the back of your mind, are they being cared for? Are they eating? You know? Are they left at home alone? Is somebody beating them? That's always at the back of your mind. So if there's somebody out there that's thinking of their age, you don't think about it. Because if they were my grandchildren, I would have to take them. You know what I'm saying? And then your age was probably a big blessing for these childrens. I don't want you to help you not thinking that anymore because when I'm running around and you know, and they have their pajamas and powders going everywhere and I'm running

after one in a diaper trying to put powder on them and I've got powder everywhere. It's like man, what have I done? But my heart is involved now. Yes, I got you. And that brings me back to you, Megan, our foster and adoptive child that we have here on the set to talk from that perspective. We shared with some information, your mom actually shared with us that she's only 14 years older than you. Your mother is 31 years old. She's a young mom of a 17-year-old daughter. Yes. How's that connection for you and her? You have that, you know, mom, you look just like her by the way. So, but how's your relationship with, you know, your mom, your 31-year-old mom? It kind of feels like my biological mom because my biological mom was 17 when she had me and my biological mom is probably 34 now and my dad is around the same age that my biological mom is my adopted dad.

But it was kind of weird because she is younger and I thought she was older and I hadn't realized she was so much younger and a lot of people keep saying she's so young, she's so young. And it just kind of felt like she just, well, I can tell you right now, she might be young but she's very mature. Yeah. Having talked to her definitely, so I just wanted to bring that out because I know people may have concerns about the age and that sort of thing of getting children and we're talking about that Peggy and Terry about some of the concerns that parents might have dealing with age because it's not just about adopting a teen, it's about how old they may be and what they think that they can give a child and that's why I wanted to make sure that they understood that it would be a blessing. Exactly. You'd be surprised about who you can connect with and how you can become a family and have that bond. I want to talk to you, ladies, now about a little of the criteria involved with being foster parents and adopted parents will start with you, Terry. Well, first I want to say, and even looking at the panel, you don't have to be married.

You don't have to be just a female or just a male to become a foster parent. As long as you're 21 years old, there's no cap on the age. As long as you feel like that you want them and you can do it, we want you to come. And that's the one thing a lot of people, well, I would like to do it but I'm not married or I would like to do it but like, you know, the age or I would like to do it but I don't own my own home. You don't have to own your own home. You don't have to be rich like Donald Trump. As long as you have enough funds that, you know, where you can take care of your family and the child as well, that's fine, you know. You can become a foster parent. We just need someone that has a huge heart that says, I want to make the difference and I want a foster parent. Because you're going to give them the training. You're going to get the training. We do have map classes as Peggy spoke of earlier. You go through the training. In the training, we give you as much information as possible because the training, and I have to say this, you do go through an orientation first.

Once you go through the orientation, then you go to your map class regardless at any time if you decide that, you know, this is not for me or I'm not sure, you can always stop. You can always stop. So you're never totally committed to it or obligated where you cannot stop. We're giving you the orientation and the information because we want you to have all of the information for you to make an informed decision on if this is right for you. Our children have gone through enough and we don't want to place them in a home where parents are not sure or they're not ready to make this type of commitment or not be able to give all of themselves as well. Once you go through that, you do have to have background checks. We're going to come out. We're going to do home studies. We're going to make sure that your home is safe and prepared to take on a child. So there are several different things that you have to do and that have to be in order to take on a child. Is that process taken if you want to be a foster parent? It takes approximately three months in order to become a foster parent. So you do have to be committed then? Yes.

What about being an adoptive parent? What is some of the criteria? The criteria is the same. We're looking for families that like our kids that want our kids who are flexible, who are committed. We don't have a set income requirement, we don't have a set age requirement, we don't have a set housing requirement, we're very flexible. We're looking for families who want to parent the kids that we have and then we want to make it work, our goal is to screen folks in rather than out. We're looking for safe, loving families for our kids, basically. And our families, as I said, go through the same process that we mentioned before the classes, the preparation, then we do the same home study basically that our foster parents go through. We're just trying to find out what kinds of families we're working with, we have, identify their strengths so that we can work with them to make the right match. Right. So many children at the top of the show, we threw out some numbers and that sort of thing. There are a lot of children up for foster care and adoption. When we think of that, why are so many people going out of the country? When we have 500,000 foster care and 100,000 plus up for adoption. Why do people end up going out of the country to get children when we have so many right

here who are without a place to call them, do you have an idea? I think they sometimes think they can get younger children for adoption because most of our waiting children are older, most of our waiting children are teenagers. It may be it's exotic, it may be that's just the way they're led. Okay. I understand. We're talking about waiting children here on the Aware Show and as we mentioned at the top of our program, we said that we would introduce you to some of our waiting children who are on the list and that's what we want to do right now. We want to take a moment to show you some of the faces of those children and we'll share some of their stories. Austin, age 10, up for adoption. Peggy, tell us about him. He's just a delightful, very active little boy, likes the outside, very high strung, very much very individual affectionate and Austin really needs a very strong family to tell him what the limits are so that he will understand them and when he pushes them and when he challenges

a family that's going to hang in there and say, this is the way it is in our family. Sounds like a typical 10-year-old, a 10-year-old who's very strong-willed. Yes. We'll move on to our next waiting child, actually Brandon and Chris, absolutely two, delightful, red-headed young men, love the outdoors, do well in school, one of the boys is having some challenges, very hurt by what he's been through and really needs a family who can help him heal and help him learn that family life can be safe. All of our kids need a family that can teach them that family life can be safe. One of these boys is really struggling with some of those things and needs a family who's very, very understanding and committed and his brother is doing real well, just a typical love the outdoors, as I said, doing well in school, very, very sociable little boys, and we'll move on to our next waiting child, Brianna.

Brianna, absolutely gorgeous young girl, she is, Brianna is kind of a loner, she likes to do things by herself, she is a child who needs a lot of individual attention, a lot of tolerance, she's dealing with a lot of issues herself also and she needs a family who can help her with those and in fact, her family may need to be committed to helping her with those for her lifetime. Okay. Understandably so. For NAND. H.D. For NAND. For NAND is a very bright young man, does well in gifted classes and he is a very articulate young man, loves to carry on a conversation with adults and likes to do the typical things that the teenagers like to do, play video games, he's not totally into sports like a lot of our kids, but he's a real conversationalist. Okay.

We'll move on now to our next child in waiting. Children, again, siblings, siblings who are very, very much want to stay together, James Anthony and Maurice, couple of the boys are very into sports and enjoy participating on a baseball team and football and do well in school and very articulate young men, very bonded to each other. It's extremely important that they're able to stay together because they are very close to each other. Okay. We can just take a break from those waiting children, we'll go back to a few more pictures in just a moment, just want to kind of stop here in the middle of them and just kind of talk a little bit more in depth about some of the issues and things that you've kind of mentioned because I think they're kind of generic of the things that you mentioned as well, Megan. When children have that disconnect feeling insecure because they don't know where they're going to be and where their moms and their dads are and their family, they've been displaced

and in some cases don't know where their siblings are and this is a very traumatic time for children. And people need to know that it's not so much that these children have done anything wrong. It's just that they are dealing with issues that any of us would deal with had these things happen to us. Are we kind of... Absolutely. Are our children talking a little bit about this? And they're survivors of abuse, neglect or abandonment and they all react to it differently. Some of our kids are incredibly resilient and they seem to be doing great, they do well in school and they're very social children and they are well adjusted in every way and they have goals. Some of our children are dealing more with the pain and they're hurting children and they're not achieving as much as perhaps they're going to be able to achieve when they get settled and when they really feel safe when they are in a loving foster home or perhaps a loving adoptive home. Okay. Let's turn it out to you, Michael, because again you've actually adopted a team yourself.

Have you had any of these issues that you've kind of dealt with and how have you worked through them being a parent? Well, you're going to have issues just by bringing in an older child. You're going to have issues just dealing with teenage, I'm just going to tell you that off the bat. It's a test of boundaries so you know where he does stand. A lot of it is his test to see just the quality of love you're going to give back to him. Make sure that you're going to be there for him. The problems we've had have been very minimal, luckily. I've been extremely lucky with all the children that I've adopted and fostered. They've all been great kids, you know, they just mainly want to smile and listen to them and talk to them and treat them like a child and give them lots of hugs. Megan, would you agree that this is kind of like where you were at this age? Yeah. Still, now just maybe able to work through that just some degree knowing that you have a permanent place to call and a wonderful mother and a father and brothers. Yes.

What was that? I know early on in the show we talked a little bit about your going through something and what was that like for you? I could definitely say once I finally got settled in a permanent place and I knew for sure there was no way these adopted parents were going to walk out on me. There was nothing I was going to get them away from me. And they've really helped me deal with a lot. And you know, there was this commercial on TV that I saw, it says you don't have to be a perfect parent to adopt a child from foster care but when you do adopt a child from foster care just being there makes all the difference. And I love that commercial, I'm right on for that commercial every time I do that commercial huh? Every time I see that commercial, I'm looking back when I was in foster care and when I really wasn't in stable places where I was staying for more than a year, six months, you know, I was only there. There was one foster home that I stayed about a year and a half. I had a really good foster mom there. And once I finally got put in a permanent place that I knew there was no way that they

were going to walk out on me and there's definitely no way I could walk away from them. I started developing more and I started to mature more and I started to set my goals right and want to do something for myself and I started fitting everything into place and growing up. And they were always there to listen to me like lots of times I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd have something on my mind, it'd be 11 and 12 o'clock, you know, I could go and wake them up and say, hey, there's something on my mind, I'm thinking about something, I'm struggling with something, can I talk to you about it? And even if it is that late and lots of times my parents do have to get up early like at 4.45 or 5 o'clock in the morning, they're still like, yes, we can talk about it, see how you feel after that and the next day we can talk about it again if you'd like to. How many foster moms and dads did you see before you got to your parents now? At least 4 or 5.

We're talking about over a three year period, you were in four or five different homes that had to be very difficult because you got to meet all these different families and then their family units and their friends and your neighbors and then not knowing that that was going to be it, that had to be very, very difficult. Did you make you angry because you didn't have your own at that time? Yes, lots of times I did get angry because I was in a lot of really good foster homes and a lot of the foster parents were really, really good and you didn't want to leave? No, I got very, very attached and so it was like pulling you away and tearing you away each time. That had to be very difficult. Yes. I'll stress and the depression that you talk about earlier on the show, thank goodness all of that's behind you. Yeah, you're looking ahead now. Yes. All right. We try to have, we're children do not have to go to more than two placements and that

is what our goal is to make sure that our children do not have to go to more than two different placements. But of course that's why we're here today because of the more foster homes that we have that can definitely help to reduce to make sure that our children do not have to constantly be in place in multiple foster homes. What's the average time for a child? Well, it actually depends. We tried to do 12 month to permanent see, you know, but it just depends on the circumstances. It depends on how long it takes for the parents if they decide to in order to get their children back. Okay. We always try to find other relatives that would be able to take the child so the child doesn't even have to be in the foster care. So it just really depends on a lot of different circumstances. Okay. I add to some children in foster care very brief time, just a few hours overnight because at that point where you were able, excuse me, to return them or place them with relatives or a family friend. So it's really very hard to say exactly how long a child's experience is going to be or the average experience is in foster care.

Some is very brief. Some is very long. Okay. Sure, go, come on in there, Elijah. Let's talk about, Megan, how she was talking about her experience, how she had to go to different homes. And our oldest child, son, he had to do the same thing when we met him, we made a decision that this is it. He's not going to go to another home, he's going to stay here with us and it's been a great experience for us. Well, that's good. I'm glad you chimed in too because we all in some way will have some information that we can give and I don't want you all to think that you don't because as foster parents yourselves, your experience in going through things that the four and the five-year-old go through and what the siblings go through when they're separated and when they're together and you see that. And I know that by you opening up your home to the two children that you have, the brothers that you're offering them a very special gift and we certainly appreciate you for that. Want to go back to some of our children who are waiting as we are calling them here on

the Aware Show. We have a few more faces that we want to show you before we close because these children are just like any other. They're looking for a place that they can feel secure and grow up and be productive like the makings of the world that we have here on the set this evening. We'll start with James, who's 17 years old, Peggy. James is 17 and still wants a family to be a part of for his life. James is a child who a young man who loves sports, he's very artistic, it's my understanding he recently made a collage out of cans, very creative young man, very creative fun, easy going young man. Now at 17 years old is there some worry there because as Megan mentioned, he may age out of the system. What do you think? When children age out of our foster care system and there are thousands of children who do age out of the system nationwide without anyone. Some of them do very well, they're resilient, we've put them in the independent living program, we've given them and we continue to give them training and skills and support.

Many children don't do well though because we all need families to help us and unfortunately we know that many children who age out without someone to be connected to are going to end up homeless or they're going to end up in jail or in some kind of not good situation or drift back to the dysfunctional, dangerous families that they were removed from. We know children need families even after they're 18 to help them. We all do. We all do. All right, yes we do. Our next waiting child. Joshua. Cute as a button. Joshua is a child who may also need a family that is going to last the lifetime. You can see he's wearing braces, he's learning to walk with a walker, he has a lot of complex medical issues. And so for him we're looking for a family who's willing and able to deal with those problems for him. He's a happy little guy, loves cartoons, loves to play, plays chase me around and is just a delightful little guy.

All right, happy little guy, Kiana. Also a beautiful little girl who also has some very complex medical issues. You can see she's in a wheelchair. She is a child who's also going to need a family who's going to last a lifetime who can help her with her different kinds of medical problems. She is learning to walk, cannot walk, has a lot of medical problems. Okay, Keisha, 17 years old, Keisha, Edward Keisha is 17 years old. She also has some very severe medical problems and she needs a family who's going to be able to help her with almost everything that she does for the rest of her life. Tell us about how you all are able to help with special needs kids. Well our children all have Medicaid to help with their medical expenses. Our families are eligible to receive a subsidy to help with some of the financial expenses and we're there to support the families, give them counseling or plug them into whatever

counseling resources might be appropriate. We like to connect our families with other adoptive families through our support groups so that they can learn and support each other. Very good. Learn from and support each other. All right. And Nicholas. 13 years old. 13 years old. Delightful, outgoing little guy, love sports, needs some support with his schoolwork, needs a family who's going to really encourage him, like a lot of little boys, that may not be his favorite place to be in the classroom. But they love lunch. Love lunch and recess, I was going to say, right, and so he needs a family to support him and encourage him to blossom and enjoy him because he's a fun kiddo. He's a fun kiddo to be with. Okay. Ty. Ty. Ty. Ty. 15 year old. Ty. You look like a model, just a handsome young man. They all do. Oh, yes.

He's pretty proud of Mike might be able to make some comments about Ty because he met Ty also. Okay. He was an exceptional young man. We've done pictures down on the back front for the adoption show. Typical 15 year old. Typical. Very. Exactly like mine at home. I told him as much. Oh, that's wonderful. I think Ty sometimes feel like he's a kiddo who's never had a break. He really wants a family that can help him have the kind of life that he deserves. Okay. I just want to take the time to thank you all for sharing those pictures with us because we know that this is a part of the art of the adoption process that you're sharing with us and tell us more about that campaign. Well, it's part of a project called the Heart Gallery in which professional photographers take pictures of children and then we use the pictures on television or we, we, we display them different places and our photographers have taken wonderful pictures. You've seen it today and people see them and they connect with the children through

the pictures. In fact, if I may say it, I believe Megan's family saw her picture, her art of adoption picture, her heart gallery picture and connected with her through that. And it's just been a wonderful adoption recruitment project nationwide for families to see the pictures in the best light possible and see the kids in, in the best light possible and, and start to, to connect with them. Okay. And we had one more child and we're going to go back because we want to certainly put her in. We don't want to forget any of our children that we've put up here on the art of the adoption process as part of this project. We have Victoria who's 16 years old, tell us about her. Well can I say typical teenager likes to hang out at the mall, likes to be with her friends. I would like to be a police officer I believe. Oh really? She's very goal oriented. She's a child who typical of our kids just likes doing typical average things. Okay.

And that's typical I think of all of the children that we've talked about. Absolutely. What else can you expect from children who are going through what they're going through? And is a Michael's case and even in the Hicks's case, we're all saying that these children are basically children who are just looking for love. Pat on the back, out of girl, out of boy, and then they just grow up and do what they do. And they blossom. And they blossom. And they blossom. Absolutely. They blossom. And when they are feeling safe and secure and stable, we see wonderful things happen. Kids who weren't doing well in school, who were having attitude problems, who were running away, finally say, I can do this. I can have a normal life. This is what I want. How do you know that you want to be foster parents? And how do you know that you want to be adoptive parents? And I'll go to the people who are doing that. How do you know? Tell us, someone who may be straddling the fence right now with what they may or may not want to do in this process. How did you know Michael? And how did you know Elijah and also you as well, Katie?

When I saw the ads on TV, you know, it kind of reached out to me and I prolonged it a little longer than I should have, but I was glad I started when I did, and I would encourage anyone. You know, if you can't be a foster parent or an adoptive parent, you can be a mentor. You know, there's lots of avenues that you can reach out and help the children and give them, you know, positive enforcement. Okay. What about you? The Hicks. Honestly, I didn't know at first, but after meeting now, kids, like I say, it's a great experience. And I encourage anybody, you know, they're out there and they need somebody to love them. And I recommend them to do it. Give it a try. We were looking forward to the emptiness syndrome. And you're going in that, yes, but it's true because it's true. You might think that, you know, this is my kids are up and out and I'm looking forward

to visiting with my grandchildren and sending them home. But if you are a mother, you're just a mother until you can't mother anymore. And I think that's what I was made for just to be somebody's mother for the rest of my life and for the rest of their life. And I just fell in love with that little boy and with the bonus of another little boy and we're still in the foster system, want to help children, whether they're just need regular foster care or medical foster care. Just going to say this, a Southern is, I can't, y'all are so great. It is so wonderful to know that there are people out there who are doing what you're doing because you're making the lives of Megan's and the waiting children that we're showing here so fulfilled by what you're doing, you know, just sharing the love and your family. So on behalf of a we're, I just want to thank you all for being here. And thank you for opening up your hearts and your homes too because it's a beautiful thing you're doing. And I want to talk a little bit more about the African-American part of this because

I mean, or may not be, I would say it's easy to find homes for maybe that sector. Tell us about that. It's not necessarily easy and that's why we are doing Target Recruitment. We have a campaign out now where we are working with Sion Griffin Evans, which is a local artist. She's actually designed a beautiful, beautiful poster for us. And it's a mother with like a teen boy that's just lying his head in her bosom, just holding. And she's just holding him. And I think a lot of times when we think about fostering, we think about babies, but like we've already stated over and over, it's not just babies, but we have children of all ages. And she has done that. And we're putting up the posters everywhere in the entire circuit to make people aware that we do need more African-American homes as well as teen homes. And if people would like to even get a poster to put up in their business or just their churches, we're definitely trying to get them up in the churches as well.

And we do heavy recruitment in churches. Peggy and I were both even state that even if we can come to do presentations at anyone's church, any business, any meetings, it doesn't matter, we would jump on the opportunity to be able to do so. And if people would like posters to place up for us, you know, they're beautiful posters, then we would greatly appreciate it. We know that one church, one child, does what it can as an organization as well. Do you want to talk a little bit about that, Peggy? Well, this is a program that started out as a recruitment project in the Black churches, where the pastor who came up with the idea looked around and saw that there was almost a Black church on every corner, and I believe it was in Detroit. And he said, if each church could produce one family who would adopt and the church family would be their support system, we could get families for all of these kids and get them out of foster care. And from there, the idea of one church, one child evolved, and it's now part of our,

in our legislature in Florida, that we have this one church, one child project. It's no longer, the focus is no longer just in the Black community now. It's taken off in all communities, where if, and it's a recruitment project, not just in the Black community, but throughout their whole state, to find churches that will identify or family in a church who will come forward to adopt and everybody else be their support system. Because it is hard to adopt a child or to foster a child without a good support system. And so our families do need to rely on the community to help them. All right. Want to ask you a little bit about same-sex couples and that sort of thing. How is that regarded in terms of them being able to be foster parents and or adopting here in the state of Florida? They can foster them, but they cannot adopt. That's correct. Okay. Well, I didn't know, I've talked to you Peggy about that, and you might be able to tell us a little bit about what's going on with the legislature and that sort of thing here

in the state of Florida as far as that's concerned. Florida is the only state that does not allow same-sex couples to adopt or homosexual individuals to adopt. And there is, I believe, a bill in the legislature to address that, to change that, whether it will go through or not, I don't know. And I'm not exactly sure exactly what the status of that is, but at this time, it is not allowed. Okay. All right. Want to talk a little bit about foster parent appreciation month because that gives us a chance to thank people like these here on our set, our parents who were reaching out and opening up their homes. Tell us a little bit about what goes on during that month. But Terry, talk about that. Well, May is National Foster Parent Appreciation Month, and we are so excited. We get excited about it every year. We spend several, several months planning on it and even having meetings with our foster parents to get their input, their input. And what we do is, basically, we try to have a huge event to really thank our foster parents

for everything that they do. Not only that, and I'm also asking community on businesses and the community to help. Since we have one main event for our foster parents, foster parent month consists of multiple weeks in that particular month. So we have started to reach out to the community to ask them where they sponsor events so that we can have events every single week for our foster parents. We have had the NES Officers' Wives Club. What they've done for a week, one particular day, they had a day where our foster families could come out and they got their nails done. They were able to watch movies to fish, just a whole day of different events. We've had people to donate tickets to the skating rink and they were able to go skating. So we're asking the community because we do realize that fostering is not for everyone. It is not, it is definitely a calling. So if you feel like, you know, well, fostering may not be for me, but I have so much admiration and respect for the people that do state it is for them.

And I want to give back even though I can't foster. This is an excellent way to do something. Please help show our foster parents appreciation and just give me a call and we can just figure out how you can help for that month to make it a great even-door prizes for our foster parents. We want to make sure that just about every family walks away with something. Tell the children that who may be watching or a family out there who may be kind of on the line of whether to adopt or foster parent children like yourself. I can say for older teenagers do not lose hope even though you are going to turn 18 and a couple of years or so doesn't mean anything and your family, your adopted family can be your family for the rest of your life not just until you turn 18. And I can say to people who are kind of weighing, being adopted parents or foster parents or anything, teenagers look a little scary, but I can say it would be more like having your own if you had children before and it would be more like you being a teenager.

And I would say just pray about it if you are a Christian and think about it, weigh it out, do whatever you can. Okay, all right, well thank you so much for that. All right, before we go we certainly want to take our time now to thank our guests for being here, but we also want to take some time to share some resource information. Just in case you were someone you know may be interested. Let's post that information for you on the screen. There is information on the family's first network of Lakeview adoptions 1-800-307-8874. And we also want to give you some information on foster parenting if you're interested in doing that. Family's first network of Lakeview offers up this number for you, 850-453-7777. That's all the time we have for you now. Thank you so much for joining us for the Aware Show. Until the next time I'm D.D. Sharp saying, stay informed and stay aware. I can cast a spell.