Le Show; 1989-05-21

AcerW's news from National Public Radio this evening at 5 p.m., it's all things considered. Ladies and gentlemen, I have so many messages to deliver to so many specific targeted audiences. I now understand why newspapers have taken to printing up special sections that they can target various areas because, you know, why waste everyone's time just to say that there's a wedding party in Chicago that may be listening and if they are, hey, hey, how you doing, there are also special messages that need to be delivered, of course, to our listeners in Hong Kong, hello, Hong Kong, and they will be, those messages will be delivered later, but I guess you're all going to have to listen, it's just the way it is. I really don't have anything to, anything insightful or kind of sharp or entertaining to say at the beginning here, but my regret at that is mitigated only by the fact that I know people always tune in late, so for you, early tune renters, your reward will simply be a hearty and heartfelt, hello, welcome to the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have so many messages to deliver to so many specific targeted audiences that need to be delivered later, but my regret at that is mitigated only by the fact that I know people always tune in late, so for you, early tune renters, your reward will simply be a hearty and heartfelt, hello, welcome to the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have so many messages to deliver to so many specific targeted audiences that need to be delivered later, but my regret at that is mitigated only by the fact that I know people always tune in late, so for you, early tune renters, your reward will simply be a hearty and heartfelt, hello, welcome to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I have so many messages to deliver to so many specific targeted audiences that need to be delivered later, but my regret at that is mitigated only by the fact that I know people always tune in late, so for you, early tune renters, your reward will simply be a hearty, heartfelt, hello, welcome to the show. One, two, two, one, four, one, two, one, two...

All right now! — One, two, three, four, one... — One-two, three, four, one, two, three... It's a beautiful morning, it looks like it's gonna be a beautiful day, but where is my baby? Oh, where is my baby? I'm breathing, I've breathed fresh air Oh, but again, I say, where is my baby? Everything seems so right

It's a full morning, it looks like it's gonna be a hot day, singing my life But where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where can you be? Where is my baby? Oh, somebody please, someone's baby back to me Boys told me in three days, I'd be up for a race Oh, but where is my baby? Where is my baby? Gone to look for a new car Like that rain when I saw, but where is my baby? Oh, what went wrong, I couldn't say it yet I tried to breathe out in every way

Where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where is my baby? Oh, yeah, it's coming, gone Since I've been all along And I still know I still haven't seen my baby Oh, I still hope and pray That she returns someday, but where is my baby? Where is my baby? I thought she would lie in case she'd ever decide to be my wife And then the working, you know, back telephone

So you don't want to see your baby She'd bet all of them Said a while in a travel of home Her curiosity Let her into the wrong hands Into a land of fantasy Now she hangs out Well, those folks do With the problem she'll know she Say, your baby's through No, where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where is my baby? Where is my baby?

Where is my baby? Where is my baby? I thought she would lie in case she'd ever decide to be my wife De paixo do sal e te paixo das luas, que são mais de duas Estou adorando antapelas duas, como quem não quer nada De paixo do sal e te paixo das luas, que são mais de duas Porque tem as artificias, e no mais, não tem nada mais Só felicidade, como nevoa brilha, tem cima da cidade Em paz, só felicidade, como nevoa brilha, tem cima da cidade Em paz

Estou adorando antapelas duas, como quem não quer nada De paixo do sal e te paixo das luas, que são mais de duas Estou adorando antapelas duas, como quem não quer nada De paixo do sal e te paixo das luas, que são mais de duas Porque tem as artificias, e no mais, não tem nada mais Só felicidade, como nevoa brilha, tem cima da cidade Em paz, só felicidade, como nevoa brilha, tem cima da cidade

Em paz Estou adorando antapelas duas, como quem não quer nada De paixo do sal e te paixo das luas, que são mais de duas Estou adorando antapelas duas, como quem não quer nada De paixo do sal e te paixo das luas, que são mais de duas Estou adorando antapelas duas, como quem não quer nada The other thing that makes it difficult to sort of get this show going, get some momentum here is that so many things that I'd like to react to haven't haven't quite happened

yet. Hello, welcome to the show. As this show is being broadcast, it's still a couple of hours before the latest deadline in China and one doesn't know whether that's going to be really ugly or just kind of well. And also one doesn't know yet whether the bulls or the pistons of one game won at this point in time. All one really knows is the lakers are still in beaten in the playoffs. So one must stop talking about oneself in the impersonal first person singular. And begin talking about this past week, which we do know, we do know something about this past week. I personally paid my, I guess, now semi-annual visit to New York City. I'm trying to, I'm just trying to cut it back to the bare minimum, which I think I did this time because I flew in to do a David Letterman show, flew in to do the David Letterman

show for no other reason than that they'd been asking me, I had nothing to plug. I was basically there to plug my own existence and then flew right out again. It was, you know, and it was a beautiful spring day in New York, what I could see of it. But you know, I've been reading the papers about, it was a big story in the New York times just this past week about fear and anger on the streets of New York. And they put that in the newspaper. You can imagine, and actually, though I couldn't really discern that much fear and anger on the streets, I wasn't on the streets that much, I just flew in and flew right out. But when I was tuning around the all-new stations trying to find out what was going on in China, their focus is a little closer to home on the all-new stations in New York City. As sophisticated and cosmopolitan of Berg as they like to think of themselves, the words that kept coming out of the radio as I was clinging to it, hoping for some shred of new

information from China were, the words were, unprovoked assault, hatchet wielding assailant words like those. The one sure sign I saw of anger, I think it was anger in New York, there was a part of Park Avenue that tunnels under the Grand Central Terminal Building and the Pan Am Building. And in this section, there's part of it as an actual covered tunnel and part of it is just a viaduct you're going over other streets and there are walls surrounding your passage. Don't you know? These walls make a perfect target for the, not graffiti artists, they stay away, the kids who just paint their names, they don't seem to be attracted to this area, I guess it's too upscale, they don't care if a guy's on their way to Morgan Guarantee Trust Company,

you know, the Taki 186 was there. But sort of a higher grade of street painter works, this particular turf. And you see a lot of painted stenciled messages, you know, where somebody has just taken a stenciled form and painted the same message over and over and over again. So as you drive through this tunnel, you see the same message repeated consistently, persistently, unremittingly. The message this time on that Park Avenue tunnel was your ugly, your ugly, your ugly, just painted over and over again, ungramatically, why you are, but the message got across, nonetheless. The other thing I noticed this time, even albeit a brief visit to New York, is that the pace gets ever faster. I spotted on my way downtown, and a business establishment I had never seen before, on

lower Fifth Avenue, I believe, a Kentucky Fried Chicken Express, like the normal Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't fast enough for them anymore. They got to have a Kentucky Fried Chicken Express. It's all pre-fried. So how fast, you know, how much fast, how can they speed up the rest of it? See there's where the training wage that's less than the minimum wage would come in handy because you got to teach the kids to do it even faster before you pay them the minimum wage. A Kentucky Fried Chicken Express. So that's my New York. One other New York story. We all, I guess, I don't know. This is one of those moments where I tend to think I'm like other people. I may be nuts, but don't we all harbor thoughts of like going back and haunting places that have tormented us in some mysterious way, just going back and haunting them? My theory has always been that the only chances to do this really come when one least expects

them. And so it was this week. I was, as I say, an NBC preparing to do this Letterman show appearance. And part of it involved showing a couple of slides of a mock TV cop show that I was purportedly and called today's Beach Patrol and one of the slides had me on a bicycle pointing a gun and kids please don't try this at all because I fell off the bicycle a lot before we got the shot. And I was in the office of somebody at the David Letterman show just hanging around watching, looking for China footage again and punching around the buttons because you never know what you'll see on the in-house television at a place like NBC. And there was the rehearsal feed of Saturday Night Live. And one of the cast members was sitting at the news desk pretending to be a news person like they do and some through the magic of electronics the director of the David Letterman

show was trying to place the slide in a little box in the corner of the screen and he was using the Saturday Night Live video as sort of his back plate to place the slide. So what you saw, what I saw when I punched up this channel was the set of Saturday Night Live and a little instead of me pointing a gun at it. It's just patience, it's all it's really required ladies and gentlemen. I did arrive in New York City, it turns out though two days too late for this. This will afford people a chance to see great moments in comedy and little, they actually become little videos, a minute here, a minute there, a great take, all of these moments that are lost to a whole generation that doesn't know who Harold Lloyd is, who doesn't know who Busta Keaton is, who doesn't know about Chaplin, a Laurel and Hardy, a WC Fields, or the Ritz Brothers, all of these great comics on television, you can use television clips or any co-vax, people should know about these people.

People should, people do. That was a comedian Billy Crystal, part of a big press conference extravaganza at HBO home box office this past Tuesday to announce it's a nutty world isn't it when not one all comedy cable channel gets announced in a week, but two HBO announced an all comedy cable channel and the next day their competitors, the people who own showtime, not the Laker showtime, the seldom seen cable service showtime announced that they were starting an all comedy channel two, but HBO got the jump as Michael Fuchs, correct pronunciation, the head of HBO explained. This channel has tremendous range, the amount of material and what you can call on and what you can do from home movies to outtakes, the bloopers to whatever, there's a terrific range and I think this channel is in a sense be a little organic, it's going to just grow the way it goes and I really think these comedy jocks, whatever you want to call

them, are going to have a lot to do with the feel of their individual day parts and what goes on. Yeah, I'd like to have a lot of control over the feel of my day part. I know that. Hey, have a nice day part, won't you ladies and gentlemen, that's kind of be my new sign off, I think comedy jocks, see the deal is they're going to show like little tiny clips of comedy, great comedy performances, little tiny clips of people that people should know about and then they'll be comedy jocks, I guess they'll be CJ's, but you know, not just great performances, bloopers, outtakes, home movies, the range, you know, whatever. And in fact, they're having a nationwide talent search for these comedy jocks as we speak. Ooh, gives you goose bumps, doesn't it? Little later, Michael Fuchs, the head of HBO was asked, why, why comedy, why now, why this comedy? Comedy right now in America is the most interesting element of the entertainment business. The biggest movies, the biggest movie stars, the biggest television programs, it's all

comedy. And as we say in the business, funny as money, someone said earlier tonight, HBO would try to laugh its way all the way to the bank, that would be a nice concept. Yeah, it would. So ladies and gentlemen, just to give you a feel for what a comedy channel might be like, I will be your comedy jock, I will control the feel of my day part here for the remainder of the hour, and we'll have just little slices of pieces of comedy that people should know every time you hear Michael Fuchs say. Comedy is money. The only one who could ever reach me was a son of a preacher man, the only one who could

ever teach me was a son of a preacher man, you see what he was, he was, he was, he was a son of a preacher man, you see what he was, he was, he was a boy, and he was a boy, The only boy who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man. The only boy who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man. Yes he was. He was. He was. Yes he was. Now I will iron me apart. The look was feeling his eyes. Feeling good is with me on the slide.

Take it down the big 10, kill him even he's all mad. Learning from each other's knowing, looking to see How much we've grown and the only one who could ever reach me But the sound of a creature man, who's the only boy who could ever reach me But the sound of a creature man, you see what he was Oh yeah, he was gentle music Money is funny Skygang, Scott Lane here. I think I'm gonna be sad.

I think it's the day, yeah. The girl that's driving me mad is going away. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. And she don't care. She says that living with me was bringing me down, yeah. She would never be free when I was around. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. And she don't care. Don't know why she's running so high.

She'll think why she's running right by me. Because she gets to say goodbye. She'll think why she'll do right by me. I think I'm gonna be sad. I think it's the day, yeah. The girl that's driving me mad is going away. Oh, she's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. And she don't care. But don't know why she runs so high. She'll think why she'll do right by me. Because she gets to say goodbye. She'll think why she'll do right by me. She'll think why she'll do right by me.

She'll think why she'll do right by me. Oh, she'll think why she'll do right by me. She'll think why she'll do right by me. And she won't never be free. And I was around. Oh, she's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride. She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care. Well, baby, don't care. Well, baby, don't care. Well, baby, don't care. Well, baby, don't care. The farthest letter, non-contest, won this week by a sculptor in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, who also, I guess, wins the most minimalist letter. Just wrote and said, I'm listening.

Hey, babe, I'm talking. Another listener sent me a very enlightening article from Premiere Magazine, the premiere magazine of the full... full... full... full industry. An article on the subject of why so many scenes that you see in trailers for movies don't show up in the movies themselves. For example, TriStar Pictures TV commercial for Who's Harry Crumb has John Candy disguised as a ballet dancer, a Chinese acrobat, and a choir boy, not one of which he plays in the film. It's not meant to deceive, says David Rosenfeldt, TriStar's executive vice president of marketing. It's just meant to sell tickets. He's got me there. Several people called to say, when will I be in the David Letterman show? I already was. I don't believe in plugging appearances, which merely are for the purpose of plugging something else. Of course, as my musical and humorous taste may be, that offends it. But I will be on the Pat Sajak show this Thursday.

So you have a second chance. And so do I. Boy, now, this series, business here, it's a sobering thought to me. Not that I needed sobering, but my announcer Bill Malone apparently does. This is the, I guess, fifth straight week he hasn't been here. But Bill, all good wishes. Anyway, it's a sobering thought to me that this program is heard in Hong Kong. As you may know, there was a huge, probably the biggest demonstration in the history of Hong Kong on Sunday. Today's Sunday. In support of the Chinese students who have been striking, hunger striking on behalf of democracy. And I feel, even though the United States government feels it has to walk on eggshells on this whole subject, I feel that given that opportunity, the least I can do is sort of pass the word along that a great number of us watching on television have indeed been quite moved, quite touched by the sight of the Chinese students nonviolently demonstrating quoting Abraham Lincoln building replicas of the Statue of Liberty.

Demonstrating for democracy, I would just, you know, and without knowing how this is all going to come out, I would just say a movement for democracy is fine kids, but, but be careful, you know. Make sure you don't take, don't take this thing whole, whole hog, you know. Be a little selective. Um, I, for example, if I were, we're doing what you're doing might exclude 30 second television political commercials, you know, just off the top of my head. You know what I mean? This is Willie Horton. If he were a prisoner in Lee Pung's China today, he'd be eligible for release to reeducation camp. In only 17 years, 17 years from now, this gate could open. And Willie Horton, if he was Chinese, could be sitting in your petty cab.

Is that what we want? Lee Pung seems to think so. Just ask Willie Horton. Paid for by the citizens for a better China committee. Just be careful kids, okay? They all say that it's a lonely town. While open spaces, empty rooms, if the weather holds out, you could get there by noon.

Shadows crawl on the highway line. Don't rush, you got time. Pull into a donut shop and get a couple mud. Ask for directions from a plumber outside. He says, don't go there by. Because they all say that it's a lonely town. And they all say that it's a drag. They all know those people in a lonely town. All those people are lonely and mad.

Now I got my foot on the gas as I'm crossing the Midwest County line. And I think about those mosquitoes on my windshield. How do you don't give a damn about Christmas time? And as the passing trucks all flash their lights just as I top the hill. I'll remember two green eyes and some flower dying on the windowsill. They all say that it's a lonely town. And they all say that it's a drag.

They all know those people in a lonely town. Don't turn and all those people are lonely and mad. They're just lonely and mad. Now we're in a lonely town. Funny is funny money. We lost games. I lost games. Newsy, what's he's been around a bit? I've been around. We will be flies on the wall in a hotel room in Beijing just after dramatic events took place Saturday morning. Moments from now here on La Show.

I'm controlling the feel of my day part. Pretty nicely don't you think? Well, come to your life. There's no turning back. Even while we're sleeping, we will find you right. Sing on your best future, turn your back on my nature. Everybody wants to move on. It's my own design. It's my own remorse. Help me to the side. Help me make your mind stop reading.

And I'm fragile. Nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to move on. There's a room where I don't mind you. For the hands while the walls come, it's hard to wait down. When they do, I'll be right behind you. So glad we both was faded. So sad they had to make it. Everybody wants to move on. It's my own design. It's my own design. It's my own design.

And I'm fragile. Nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to move on. Have some dim sum, Charles? They're really good. Nothing, Daniel. The disconnection of our satellite link has me in a somber, pensive mood. I'd sooner watch Geese Migrate than indulge my appetite.

Brother, if I'm not mistaken, you'd rather watch Geese Migrate than spend the night in the sack with Tina Louise. Maybe a right, brother, brother. Maybe, oh, probably room service. Unless they've cut that off. I ordered a bottle of Stoney. The old Stoney. Like we had in Moscow. Exactly. Hi, Dan. Bruce. Brother Martin. Hello, Charlie. Anything up, Daniel? Blaine's on the phone in the bedroom. Hagling with our Chinese brethren? No, New York. Trying to decide who stays here and who goes back in the new era of satellite silence. Sunday, honey, go. You look like you've been through the ringer. Your collar's all up. Is it? I hadn't noticed. Well, it seemed like we'd all stay here. There's a story here. There are many stories, Brother Martin. There's one I know about a town named Craterville, Arkansas. There aren't any craters in Craterville.

Management might want us to cover that story. Well, obviously we're not supposed to take sides, but they were going to cut off the bird. It seems like they should have done it earlier. Seems like they've got the worst of both worlds now. Good point, Bruce. Not your first one this week. I'll let you know as soon as we know. Thanks. I'm going out of the coffee shop. They have bagels on the menu. Got to have a Beijing bagel. Have it with the octopus tons. We'll see you later, Brother Martin. Right. I should have invited a man. Oh, he'll be back. Maybe so. Yeah. Brother Carl, don't sit on your whole card here. Let's talk some gator breath talk. Is something what? Well, you know, when the gator is so close, you can smell his breath. The man tends to talk straight up. No frills. No fancy stuff. A lot of gators and Dallas back when you were there. Not too many. Charlie, I didn't sleep last night. No, he's the air conditioner thinking hard thoughts. Things I could have done differently to keep this from happening. No, Daniel, I don't think this was about anything any of us did.

Definitely put Charles and perhaps this is dumber than Ned and Nickers, but I can't help thinking that maybe if I'd let Lane handle the negotiations, I mean, I don't regret the journalism we did here any of us. I think we cut Broco's Cahoney's off and headed them to him on a plate just by being here, but man is the list. Put your collar down it back there. Oh, did it creep up brother, Fernando's. I didn't notice Spencer, Morton, rather, Corral, all go. Shane and an extra camera crew stay comments. Business is usual in Beijing, then, huh? No, sir, that particular dog will not hunt. We've got the advantage here every instinct I have as a member of the world's leading broadcast news organization says we all stay here. No? Well, our friend upstairs makes the not inconsiderable point that if we can't get pictures out, then who knows where here?

Where the falling tree in the Buddhist's forest, huh? Charlie, please. Exactly. Our friend upstairs also makes the not inconsiderable point that there's the NATO summit coming up next week. And as far as we know, we can get pictures out of there. Unless I screw that up, huh? Look, I'm sprinkled on the ice cream cone here. What? Why don't you offer me and brother Morton as a compromise? I've been down that road, Charlie. Not us through the street. What time is it there, Lane Saturday afternoon? Let's get a hold of Tish out at the point. Can we please? Sure. You think it's worth it? In for the Jackrabbit? In for the Coon? Huh? Yes. Okay. Maybe we should get some students to blockade our trucks as they try to pull out. I don't know. They never pulled the plug on Murrow. Murrow didn't have satellites. I think maybe when I told Mr. Lee he was acting like the Chief Duraukratus from Third World Island. That might have skinned the snake right there.

Look, my friend. They pulled the plug on CNN, too. True enough. But consider it, please. That was a face-saving move. Faces so very important to these people, Charlie. You saw that piece on $48 about the face? No, sir. I was editing the interview with the toothless old man. Have you tried the TV again? Yep. They definitely pulled the plug on our cable, too. No meds game. Maybe it is time to go home. I guess I should put my collar down. You got the accent. You're with the faculty. Italy and Monday, each and every day. That zone. To the affirmative. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. You got to spread your up to the maximum. Bring the moon down to that middle moon. Happy. Open the moon with the lava to walk up on the sea. To illustrate my last remote. Talking, I can join in a wheel. You know I know what you did to me.

When everything is so dark, they ain't in this age. We better act safe. You'll eat the faculty. Italy and Monday. That attitude. That zone. To the affirmative. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. To illustrate my last remote. Talking, I can join in a wheel. You know what you did to me.

When everything is so dark, they ain't in this age. We better act safe. You'll eat the faculty. Italy and Monday. That attitude. That zone. To the affirmative. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. Don't mess with Mr. Lee in between. Funny is money, money, money, money, nice, funny concept.

People should know. Ladies and gentlemen, this isn't actually a trade I'll be reading from today. But it's about the trade. It's about the advertising business. It's from the Madison Avenue column of New York Magazine. I was in New York, so I went in New York. It affords a wonderful insight into the director of a lot of the most successful television commercials of our time, such as the Levi 501 Blues commercials, gentlemen by the name of Leslie Dechtore. Leslie has a unique way of capturing people's essence. Because a lot of the time he's shooting, people aren't aware of the camera is rolling. Says the head of a New York agency for whom Dechtore shot the little old ladies of Lipton campaign. Even his casting sessions are unusual.

I've seen him ask actors if they came for the Rice Krispies audition when that's not what he's shooting just to throw them off guard. Says one at agency executive. There's been some mistake, but now that you're here, who are you? He says. In some sessions, Dechtore will sit silent for five minutes, while an increasingly disoriented auditioner wonders what to do. Meanwhile, the camera secretly records the actor's mannerisms and discomfort. Leslie consistently achieves the look of naturalness and realness because he pushes everyone indefinitely. Says a group creative director at the Leo Burnett at agency. In one United Airlines spot a businessman spends his day flying from place to place and is heading home for his child's birthday party when the phone rings. He knows he'll have to get on another plane.

Leslie had the actor sitting there bored for 20 minutes to elicit a genuine expression of anguish. Says the executive. Another time to make a football team look as if they'd played a tough game. The men were hosed down and rolled in the mud, then left sitting for hours with the camera running to achieve a look of agony. That agony says the ad agency executive was not faked. In a new commercial for Dupont Fibers, Dechtore overcranked shots of a fireman in a blazing house, so six seconds, becomes 30.

After the fireman emerges, he opens his jacket to reveal a rescued baby. Says a creative supervisor at BBDNO. We knew we could find flame directors and emotion directors, but didn't know if we could find both. Even though the spot required no dialogue and the fireman is in silhouette for most of the commercial, Dechtore had 50 Los Angeles firefighters read in an audition. I look for the little things in people's lives, Dechtore says. That's what life's about. Sweet nothings that turn into big somethings.

Just to think about the next time you watch those commercials, just think about the guys who were hosed down and rolled in the mud for a few hours. That's worth it, don't you think? Money is funny. Open your arms and prepare a change.

Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change.

Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change.

Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change.

Open your arms and prepare a change. Open your arms and prepare a change. Now stay tuned for Sunday Things Jazz with Tim Houser on tape for your listening pleasure.

Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching.

Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching. Thank you for watching.