Le Show; 1998-08-30; 1998-09-06; 1998-09-13

It comes as a matter of pride to me that after only now two years of bitching and not just bitching, but pointing out to you, the listening audience, all of the, let's be generous. Let's say possible reasons why digital TV is, first of all, let me, let me backtrack because I don't know if I've ever given you the background on why we're in the digital TV, let's be nice mess that we may well be in starting in a couple of months. I know we're in a lot of other messes now, but this program relentlessly looks forward. About ten years ago, we used to be afraid of Japan. I know the kids will find that hard to believe, but it's true. And one of the things aside from the Japanese buying up all of our cherished landmarks like Rockefeller Center, imagine Saturday Night Live coming from a foreign owned building. One of the other things that scared us was that the Japanese were developing this new

technology called analog high definition television that was going to sweep the world and of course, sweep in, rake in all the profits to the home islands. So American companies, well, they didn't exactly snap to. They went to the government and said, help is what they did because that's the market in action. And so the Federal Communications Commission ultimately decided that the way to help was to require broadcasters to switch over from analog to digital because in the meantime, high definition TV had become a technology going nowhere. And American firms had come up with digital high definition TV. So the FCC said, all right, we're going to help American companies by forcing all the other American companies to, that is to say, the TV stations and companies like you and

me to buy digital televisions because we're going to cause the medium to switch. We're going to force the medium to switch by giving them a deadline date and by giving the broadcasters free digital frequencies. All right, now we're up to date with how we got to this point. Anyway, as I say, I've taken some pride in banging this drum for a while now. I take even more pride because apparently it's finally come to the attention of the chairman of the FCC that this boat is leaky, the chairman of the FCC is worried that a small technical problem will impede the transition to digital television, which is scheduled to begin ladies and gentlemen in just 10 weeks. He's written a sharp letter to industry leaders demanding that the problem be solved by November 1st.

So you know that that's going to do it. He wrote a letter. That issue is the special cable that is needed to carry a digital television signal from your set top converter box to your television set. Ten weeks before debut, the technical work on that new cable is not done. This means that cable subscribers who buy the costly new sets, by the way, that's the other thing that's become known in the last couple of weeks. Those fabulous new digital sets capable of receiving high-definition pictures, assuming anybody ever transmits any, will be coming on the market, not at about $3,000 to $5,000 as originally estimated, but at $8,000, now how much will you pay? Cable subscribers who put out the $8,000 will be unable to receive any of the digital programming that broadcasters have scheduled to begin showing in just 10 weeks. So now how much will you pay? says the FCC Chairman's letter. These compatibility problems must be resolved quickly to ensure that American consumers

are able to enjoy the benefits of digital television. Give me no benefits right now, will you? Two-thirds of the nation's television viewers are cable subscribers, and the transition to digital television will be hobbled if these people are unable to receive any of the new digital programming. I see no reason why this should not be complete by November 1. The FCC Chairman wrote, well, of course, since cable systems haven't yet committed to carrying digital TV, as we've discussed before, I see no reason either. The letter was addressed to Decker-Anstrum, President of the Cable TV Association, and to Gary Shapiro, President of the Consumer Electronics Manufacturers. So far, neither of them has answered the letter. The letter was written in early August, mid-August. Shapiro says the work was proceeding at a rapid pace, but neither he nor a cable associate from the Cable TV Association spokesman committed to completing it by November 1. After receiving the letter, though, Shapiro's group created an internal committee to concentrate on solving the problem.

You got the cable, thanks, all. Those, sir? How about you? Not yet. The research work has underway at an industry-supported laboratory in Colorado. The laboratory's president says he expects to have draft specs complete by October 1st at that time manufacturers could crank up. But approval by national standard-setting bodies probably won't come until late November. And world standards bodies won't be able to approve the new device until early spring. Yes, there's a lot of standard-setting to be done in the world. Even if the deadline is met, the first digital TV sets with the new Cable Jax probably won't go on sale until a year later. What was that be? That would be spring of 2000. So come on, line up for the new ones in November, please, because other... So the FCC Chairman urges the industries to find some sort of interim solution, some temporary cable perhaps.

Several TV manufacturers say they may have their own solutions, but the FCC Chairman says in his letter, I call on your industries to communicate to the American public that these solutions will be available and to redouble your efforts to enable the American public to receive digital broadcast programming over cable on first-generation digital television sets. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, count the generations until it works. That's the good news. Time to listen to the show. Open door, look around, don't know what's wrong with you right now, hardly see or know.

Can't believe it. Oh yeah, almost see it. Is it just a to sing higher, further, far away, oh, no, can't believe it. Oh, yeah, almost feel it. In a dream in the blue, in a dream in the blue,

sun, it's a wonderful thing, is this what's this? Oh Welcome My It's a list of my strut on my head And I might be lost in a dream or low

Can't believe it Oh yeah, oh no, see it Oh no, can't believe it Oh yeah, oh no, see it Can't believe it Can't believe it They call me Dr. Warren

Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Warren I'm interested in things I'm not a real doctor, but I am a real world, I am an actual world I live like a worm I like to play the drums I think I'm good at it But I can handle criticism I'll show you what I know And you can tell me Have you think I'm getting better On the drums? I'll leave them from the mark Cause I can hear the doorbell When I get into it I can tell if you are watching me twirling the stick When I give the signal

My friend, rather, we'll play the solo Some day, somebody else besides me will Call me by my stage name They will call me Dr. Worm Good morning, how are you? I'm Dr. Worm I'm interested in things I'm not a real doctor, but I am a real world, I am an actual world I live like a worm I like to play the drums

I think I'm getting good But I can handle criticism I'll show you what I know And you can tell me Have you think I'm getting better On the drums? I'm not a real doctor, but they call me Dr. Worm Once again, hello, my fellow Americans You know, in recent days, there's been much speculation about the necessity for me to make additional comments about the recent controversy that's been so divisive for our country I thought in my last speech to you that I bared my heart on the subject of my

inappropriate relationship But it appears that many people felt that I also had an inappropriate relationship with the American public Many of my advisors have urged me to make a new speech More contrite, more apologetic And believe me, all of that is in my heart tonight But it just seemed after introspection and talking prayer with my family and religious leaders that words just weren't sufficient to communicate to you what I need to In a way, music has always been my best way of communicating When we were elected, our theme was don't stop thinking about tomorrow Tonight, I'd like to offer this from the pan of the super talented Mr. Paul McCartney And of course, it says, I believe in yesterday Thank you

And good night I never see the sun go down I never, no I never, I never, I never see the blue of the sky The moon and stars down on us name

If I never live a day, believe me when I say I never, I never love a dude Sweet heart, when I'm with you I'm not a foolish pretender Baby, you love me too All I possess, I'll surrender Me, I never, feel your tender lips no more May you never keep my love in vain Darling, you the answer to my prayer Your love is a day, I never, no I never love a dude Sweet heart, when I'm with you

Sweet heart, when I'm with you . . . . .

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . back. I'll repeat it now for you. New oldies kissed FM is back. Now does that mean that new oldies kissed FM left went away or that old oldies kissed FM went away and the new oldies is back and see what I'm saying? No way to penetrate that. It's like a Rosetta stone of billboards and that would cue me to read the trades for you if anything would

be as if I need a cue. I need none, of course. All I need is my music. You, you will be my music. And LA will be my lady. Ladies and gentlemen from the New York Times, marketing Diana, Princess of brand names I will read it for you. As the first anniversary of her death, Nears, Diana, Princess of Wales has become a powerful princess of sales. Nicely done there. The merchandising of Diana's memory has grown rapidly into a multi-million dollar business for scores of companies that are busily turning out items at all prices, bearing her name, likeness, or affectionate supercans, supercans, describing her as the people's princess or England's rose. Those products of varying taste levels, taste, I thought

we were talking about Diana, are being promoted in advertising campaigns that have run almost continuously since her death last August 31st, appearing most frequently in mass media outlets like Sunday newspapers and women's magazines. Hi, Gels. Says Nick Shore, ow. Let's all drop something when I say the name Nick Shore, partner at a New York consulting company named Nick and Paul, the brand agency. This is his quote, she is the consummate brand available to everybody. He adds there are a lot of iconic aspects to what she was all about, the name, the hair, the dress, the eyes. And she's been in our living rooms more than our

own family members. And they don't have, needless to say, I'm adding this now, they name the dress, the hair and the eyes. That's what she's got, the name, the hair, the dress. Okay, that's Nick Shore. The deluge of Diana Bilya includes dolls, coins, stamps, collector plates, books, jewelry, candles, music boxes, videotapes, flowers, and compact discs. Still more collectibles are on the way. Says J Coleman, president and chief executive of EMCI, a company in Stanford Connecticut, desperately needed a name change. As popular as Diana was alive, the outpouring since her death has been mind boggling. J had his mind boggled, obviously. There's a whole industry out there, and it wouldn't surprise me if we see an

ongoing Diana presence. By one estimate, sales of products inspired by Diana Bilya are running it $200 million annually. That would be for the first years. There are no other years to measure by. That's already equal to the yearly sales of licensed merchandise associated with Marilyn Monroe. And Marilyn's been dead a lot longer. I didn't have to have that, did I? But the New York Times did. The estimate of a Diana brand sales does not include the revenue derived by television networks, magazines, and newspapers. The demand for the Diana brand is also evinced by efforts to cross merchandiser with other pre-scent commercial properties, as if she were a McDonald's or Pepsi being linked with a Star Wars. For instance, Thai incorporated brought out a beanie baby devoted to Diana, a purple bear with a white

rose over its heart. Come on, altogether now. And a necklace by Espray London inspired by the heart of the ocean, the gem worn by Kate Winslet in the film Titanic, was auctioned at a benefit for the Diana Memorial Fund. What does that have to do? It's right here in the paper. I'm reading it for you. Right here. The reasons for the promise of the Diana brand extend beyond the abrupt and well-publicized nature of her death. People identified with Diana says, Jeffrey Lothman, Lothman chief executive at Global Icons in LA Company. Hello, Jeffrey, that handles licensing and merchandising for James Cagney, Sammy Davis, Jr., and WC Fields. These would be dead celebrities. She was the first member of royalty in my time that

you felt you could touch. He added. No indication here whether he ever touched her. Says, Mr. Rosler. I don't know. Did we mention Mr. Rosler before? He's of CMG Worldwide. If you want to call him up, his quote is, she was known as a glamorous figure and glamour sales. J. Coleman of EMCI listed several attributes that he said were, burnishing the lustre of the Diana brand, her identification with fashion, charities, social causes, music, and musicians. Specialized two would be separate categories, J or music and musicians. Indeed, Mr. Coleman likened Diana to Elvis Presley, although I might interpose the observation that she did not die, straining its stool. Like other brands, Diana has not been immune

from business problems that Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fund, which was formed after her death, sued the Franklin Mint. We've already covered that story. I expect there will be a market for a long time, says Marty Brockman, executive editor of the licensing letter. For those killed at an early age, their images are frozen in time, he added. In Bo King John F. Kennedy, who hasn't gotten older in people's minds, he's still the youthful vital president. So where are the Franklin Mint plates of him uniting with an East German spy? Where would those be? Question I ask you, ladies and gentlemen. As I read the trades for you, copyrighted feature. So ladies and gentlemen, it may not have escaped your attention that we are fast coming upon the first anniversary of the death of the

aforementioned hot brand. And we will commemorate that anniversary the way all of television is, with a rerun, moments from now here on the show. If you insist on going on, my behavior of anti-musical, I, at the same time, have to increase, that this is your new, that this is not going to last. What you don't know is that the challenges are in heartseeing as well. Photographer Paul St� at my

reference, revealed his new applaud, I'll just give him my words like that, my love. you can find you with your love and I want to forget you and I want to forget you because I don't think I've ever finished in the background of the song it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished and I want to forget you

because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished

it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot

because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot because I don't think I've ever finished it's also very hot

it's also very hot it's also very hot it's also very hot

it's also very hot it's also very hot it's also very hot

it's also very hot it's also very hot it's also very hot

it's also very hot it's also very hot it's also very hot

it's also very hot it's also very hot it's also very hot

for years he has been to me the last word and yet also the first interesting about the world of men's fashion himself for was to the men's fashion newsletter hobby Bristol welcome we have not had you strictly from blackwell before and it is so good to see you it's good to be seen Mr. Blackwell thank you but you know interesting listening to you there interesting from the standpoint of what I do which is try to maintain some of the bastions of the idea of style for men which frankly is quite quite a bit more of a thankless job dealing with the other half of humanity

I can't at all feel as optimistic about this this year to come what I'm seeing is basically the entire idea of style fashion for men I mean yes the the shows are wonderful and the designers are being imaginative and so forth but it's like singing to a deaf man you know when you talk about the designers you see this is the point I keep trying to stress that the New York East Coast we know fashion best gang you know it poses their ideas tries to impose their ideas and misses and in this case mister smart fashion consumer just says no I'm not having any of that thank you what else is there I know what you're saying but Mr. Blackwell and you know living where we do and inhabiting the universe that we do you may not be aware of casual dress Fridays and this whole movement in companies to just say we give up

there are no rules you come as you are and God forbid you should do some actual work while you're here thank the Lord you know I mean that's the attitude these days and I think that is an attitude that just says because there is no authority there is no fashion because there is no fashion there is no style because there is no style to be blunt the business is about to go down the tour okay we will you cannot wait to see when you say that whether you mean the fashion business or the men's fashion business or your newsletter business or show business or what but we have another wondrous guest who we must rush to meet because I cannot believe it is taking this long to bring you here too strictly from Blackwell one of the finest astrologers astrologists astrologers known to man and she is working we think I don't think we can say this in the air in some way

with some part of the OJ Simpson trial jewel cosby welcome thank you just strictly yes Mr. Blackwell I have not seen you looking so well and of course I told you last year yes you did from a personal appearance standpoint the forthcoming months were very positive for you you did and this was before I even had a glimmer of getting another talk to what is an astrologer a astrologer a astrologer I have trouble with that many people do and more real I feel simply Mr. Blackwell rather than do the ordinary work of examining charts looking at the influence of planets and astrologist is involved in the study of the history of astrology and the application of astrology and in the current case of the implications of astrology

that is to say if one were to be and I cannot as you say more frank about this one we would for one of the sides of the OJ Simpson trial it would involve the study of not just single no charts and characters but in the case of a trial this sort the charts of the jurors going in and at this point after that process is concluded the calculation based on jurors charts the charts of participants and the charts of witnesses when would be the most propitious time for those particular witnesses to testify so you would be saying to the prosecution there in this case the defense this witness should come on a Thursday in the afternoon because that based on what well based on our computerized and we have we have copyrighted a software program Mr. Blackwell this is the 90s

to collate large numbers of charts from people in a related project such as a trial this is basically what I have been working on for the last five years is incredible not the influence of one set of astrological implications about the intersections of many in a social process and therefore when let's say Mr. Kardashian is better off on a Wednesday or not at all Joel we must have further good conversation about this but Harvey Bristol is just sitting there bursting like he's going to burst on the subject of casual dress Friday's highway we knew this was a trend or an anti-trend the making but we did not realize it had gone this far how far has it gone

well Mr. Blackwell you probably saw this week that IBM has said we will have no more dress code and you can wear to IBM whatever you like and I just heard you know that there was what Ross Pro calls this giant sucking sound we just heard the sign of men's retailers all the country is just to say well why don't you just buy two t-shirts and a pair of khaki slacks and we'll see you later I mean you know to say that no longer is going to be a requirement that men pay four five six seven nine hundred dollars for a fine piece of tailored clothing is just to say to the tailored clothing business go and scatter yourselves go scatter your own ashes I think that is so great yes do we not think that maybe you know never there's going to be ninety percent of anything but that maybe there is still even without the

rules those men who say I want to pay nine hundred thousand twelve hundred dollars for a fine piece of tailored sooting and this is an investment that I will get back a hundred times over in the way I feel about me Mr. Blackwell if I may this is the kind of question that an astrologist is uniquely equipped equipped answer okay good because if we can all respect take the charts of a significant sample of consumers interesting we can see without ever talking to them bothering with the research that that gets all kinds of biases and just interest the talking and the research and the feelings that go back and forth but just to see how these charts intersect in terms of desires and destinies and then I think that our friends the men clothing manufacturers might find the answer that seems

to be looting them right now well respect Mr. Blackwell I don't think the the retailers particularly or even the manufacturers having been hit the the body blow by this kind of I mean orders I hear are down something like forty fifty percent I don't think that's the time that they're going to go investing in in let's be kind a a baby science but the big fair I don't think you're always suggesting doing this with babies I wish we knew where there could be more time maybe we could go buy some because this has just been such good conversation such good fun seeing two good friends together maybe for the first time certainly for not the last two cars be doing the work that must be done to find out what is in the stars and Harvey Bristol whose whose fashion publication worst it is for the trade Harvey some street distribution soon please from

Beverly Hills 4-H Club next time I promise you the American music awards game bad music for the ice till then strictly for Blackwell by monday first ride to play you to see his way never meet to keep my hopes alive such a comfort that know is got no place to go it's always there it's the one thing I've got a huge success My good old desk

My old desk never needs a rest And I've never once heard cry I've never seen it teased It's always there to please me from nine to five It's such a comfort to know it's dependable and slow But it's always there It's the one friend of mine And trying a lot of times It's my good old desk Oo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-hoo-a-oo My old desk isn't good to rest It's happy as a desk being We never say a word

But it's perfectly alright with me For when my heart's on the floor, I just opened the drawer of my favorite guest. And what do I see? But a picture of me working at my good old dance. Vua, vua, vua, vua, vua, vua, vua, vua, vua, vua. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who are keeping track, it was a... It was a two-rear-on-show today. Plus me and I'm out of town. But I'll be back in the home of the homeless next week at the same time over these same stations. Over NPR worldwide throughout Europe.

On the U-SEN 440 cable system in Japan around the world through the Armed Forces Network. And on your computer whenever you want it at www.HarryShera.com. Emailable at lashowatinterworld.net. Well, it would be just like more Diana products flooding the market. If you'd agree to join with me then, would you? Alrighty, thank you very much. By the way I want to take this opportunity to join the banks that are flooding the airwaves to all the listeners of our home station. KCRW for giving more than a million dollars in the latest fund drive.

I've already gotten my check for 250,000 so thank you so very, very much. And keep it coming. The show comes to you from the Century of Progress Productions and originates through the facilities of SAS the satellite service of KCRW Santa Monica. A community recognized around the world as the home of the homeless. We call it lacma, don't we, Chris?

Always. Yeah, what do we call what's on today at five here on KCRW? Five o'clock National Public Radio's weekend, all things considered. Don't we call it wats? No, I don't, do you? I think I'm going to start. Well, whatever. Thanks, Chris. Thanks for the freedom to be me. You're welcome. And 10 seconds, ladies and gentlemen, it will be 10 a.m. Pacific daylight savings time still. That'll be time for a show still. So I take a few days off, you see. And next thing I know, I'm in Ketchikan, Alaska. Ladies and gentlemen, going with some friends to the totem museum. We're by, we're by the way, they don't sell totes. You cannot get a totem museum tote bag. It's ironic, isn't it? It's outrageous. That's what it is. But anyway, that's what it is. And I'm walking back from the totem museum along this creek where salmon are spawning. I mean, you think you're disgusted by what's going on in Washington.

These are salmon spawning. Children have to watch this. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is walking down the main dragon, Ketchikan, Alaska. And my wife, the lovely and talented Judith, comes up to me all of a sudden. She says, hurry up, hurry up. Now this alone qualifies as exceptional behavior because it's usually the other way. Anyway, walking down the street, there's a, a gift store, gift shop, I guess, run by the local public radio station, KRBD. And they have a little loudspeaker broadcasting onto the street and waterfront of Ketchikan so that you can hear the fine public radio programming just as you're strolling around looking for totem souvenirs or totes. And whose voice is coming out of the radio speaker, just as my wife says, come on, come over here quick. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the car guy.

No, no, it's mine. It's, you know, I so often have to endure the humiliation of being in a town, actually doing this program from a town where this program can't be heard. So imagine the thrill of not doing the show and being in a town where the show is heard. So I am today in honor of that serendipitous occasion wearing my KRBD sweatshirt purchased on-site for full retail price. And, and sitting here to tell you in the latest digital television update, Zenith may miss the November 1st launch of high definition broadcasts and postpone the sale of its 64 inch wide screen rear projection set until next spring. So early, even early adopters can't, can't adopt. Sony is planning an introduction of a 34 inch set which will come out supposedly in October and set you back a mere $11,000. Hello, is this thing on?

No, it's, is it your thing still on? $11,000 for TV. Get me some of that. A set top standalone decoder box, just a little box that sits on top of your regular TV set and will decode those all important high definition transmissions that are going to begin this November supposedly. That will be on sale in December, a little box, just a little set top box. One grand, ladies and gentlemen, just a grand for a box. The digital revolution is on. Samsung will also miss the November 1 debut date, but it's planning to have a 55 inch rear projection digital TV receiver on sale by some time during November, $8,000. Hey, Christmas is coming. Don't forget me on your gift list.

Nice $8,000 TV. Sure. And finally in the digital TV roundup, there remains, and a little thing, see to broadcast the digital signal on the new frequencies that we the taxpayers have given them. All casters are needing new, higher antenna towers. Hence problems in a lot of city with people complaining. That thing. But in New York, the problem is of course different. This is New York, by the way, reminding you where they still don't have garbage disposers and their sinks. There's an antenna problem. CBS has a digital TV antenna on the Empire State Building, but CBS has no contract with the Empire State Building for transmissions through that antenna. Says Levitt Pope in charge of finding DTV digital TV antenna space for New York broadcasters. Quote, it's hard to get anybody at the Empire State Building with the authority to sign a piece of paper. Now, those of you who may ever have been caught and trapped in an elevator in the Empire State Building know that it's hard to find anybody there.

It's hard to find anybody there to do anything. So that's the latest on digital TV. Now, as for radio, digital or analog, this received by the show office this week. Quoting, how about Steve Forbes as your national news commentator? Five fresh two-minute commentaries every week on hot current issues. Forbes is one of the country's best known citizen observers. Now, that doesn't, unquote, that doesn't mean he's observing citizens. Although it could, could be surveilling. It means he's a citizen and he's a citizen. He owns a magazine. What kind of a citizen could be? It's like citizen Rupert. That, that kind of citizen. Say, Forbes now can be reporting for you on an exclusive basis in your market. How about Steve Forbes as your national news commentator? All right. Well, could you use him here on the show, I guess? Because, ladies and gentlemen, there is a time, this is a time of, in case you haven't noticed, intense distrust. When the United States bombed purported terrorist camps and in Afghanistan and the purported terrorist chemical weapons plant in Sudan last month.

Of course, the, the cynics were immediately suggesting a wag the dog scenario. Now, this week, things have gotten so poisonous in Washington that, of course, there's been some distraction this week from the Monica Lewinsky scandal by the attempts of Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa to erase Roger Maris's home run record, which is being discussed whispered about in Washington circles as the wag the bat scenario. And this week, the unfortunate, well, the tragedy in which the Swiss Air plane plummeted to see is is even being rooted about in Washington as the wag the plane scenario. They, they, they're, they're, they're cynicism, ladies and gentlemen, just, there's no limit. This week is, is a Labor Day weekend and when I returned from my trip to Alaska, I returned to some very unfortunate news that a, a long time partner of mine, Richard Beebe in the Los Angeles based comedy group, the credibility gap had passed away from lung cancer.

And so this week on the program, I, I've rounded up some of what I thought were, Richard's more memorable performances with the credibility gap. And I'll share them with you today here on La Show. When your own little girl betrayed you boy, what did you do with your wisdom? Well, you love that girl again, love that girl again, the whole you got to blame for your trials and tribulations. What did you do when you found the man, what a story or good girl, where you cutting up and down, who'd you cut him all around?

Now who you got to blame for your trials and tribulations? Well, I tried to tell you about your run and hide, down by the river bed, stay drunk all night, don't worry no lady, let's go beyond. I could just another rabbit all around. When your own little girl betrayed you boy, what did you do when you found the man, what a story or good girl, where you cutting up and down, who'd you cut him all around?

Now what did you do when you found the man, what a story or good girl, where you cutting up and down by the river bed, stay drunk all night, don't worry no lady, let's go beyond. Now you're just another rabbit all around. You're just another rabbit all around. In the 1960s when AM Radio had its rock and roll heyday, there was a station in Southern California called K-R-L-A owned by Jack Cant Cook.

The same guy that later went on to own the Washington Redskins and he wanted the news on his station. I guess I was just a listener at the time and it was scary sounding news. There were guys with big, big voices just sounding like Doom was right around the corner and I guess he thought that was the way the kids wanted to hear their news. One of those voices of Doom was a guy named Richard Beebe and a few years later when I joined a comedy group that was headquartered out of that same station where the news had changed a little bit. The news guys now wanted to have fun just like girls and one of those newsmen who wanted to have fun with the news was Richard Beebe.

And a group coalesced myself Richard Beebe, Michael McKeon and David Lander, we became the credibility gap. And within a year or two there was a major news story in Los Angeles radio because a famous disjockey here by the name of Humble Harve had killed his wife. A DJ murder case and of course only one news organization, a lot of news organizations covered this story only one actually made fun of it. It was a chilly rainy kind of wet Friday morning when I saw the sun sneak through the Venetian blinds of my office window. I don't always sleep in the office but the night before I had this furious rendezvous with a dime store novel straight out of vassal and by 3 a.m. in the morning I was sorry I ever had matriculated. Anyway I fell asleep on my desk expecting to pile up enough z's to last me through the happy hour at the Allegro. That's this bomb where I hang out. But at approximately 6.45 a.m. my ration of winks was cut short by a head splitting ring from the only princess I know that doesn't play with queens.

Yeah this is my ex wife calling I'll tell you again honey you can't get blood out of a turn up right it down this time. Mr Janet this isn't your ex wife well then who is it my bookie no I'll give you a hint it starts with a anonymous huh. That's right and I've got one of my tips for you Mr Janet something that's going to blow the top of the boss 30 boss 30. Well go on such more blown what does the name Norman Melmitz mean to you. I just know he's nimble norm top rated boss Jack on the top rated boss station behind his dues to the union and ahead on his payments for a catalog.

That's the one Janet you'll find some messy business at his house not pay over. Oh no the the FCC frowns on that this was murder. Funny I frown on that. That anonymous phone call from my ex wife became the first entry in a fat little file I call boss city confidential. I was still feeling kind of groggy from the Mickey was it Mickey from the groggy anyway I put my nookie in a baggy and made myself a jugger coffee. Ten minutes later I was as alert as a day in a department store on dollar day trying to get her gums fitted for a pair of nylons. I made a mental note to get the clutch fixed on my excuse for a thunderbird which I cleverly stashed in the driveway.

He says Norman nimble norm melmitz when I didn't realize was that I had company. After two hours of getting a teabird's eye view of the winding roads of Highland Park I realized the inspector was putting me on. So I high-tailed it back to the polatial Highland Park melmitz home and guess who was waiting for me. Back so soon Mr. Janet sure now you've come to see how the pros do it. That's so fast flat foot. Who are you looking for Dr. Shoal? Well there's nothing to see now they've already taken the body. Who's body? You mean you don't know. Of course I know it's melmitz.

But did you know it was Mrs. Milner? You mean nimble norm's mother? No I mean his wife and there's no sign and nimble dawn. Thank you very much inspector that's all I need to know. I don't know you don't dick. That's classified information now. No one's to know about the murder for another half hour. Oh yeah why? We promised 20s wanted to use they'd get it first. I left the inspector at the melmitz house where he was dusting Prince. Prince was the melmitz's German shepherd and he had a free problem that wouldn't quit. Wow I had some questions to ask and I had a hunch who just might be able to answer them. This is Bobby Jimmy and here it is the number one song on the bar study. So you're dick Janet private eye. Hey you know the last time I saw you you were telling my wife with a nickel. Oh by the way we found out the tuba player was gay. She wanted to save her or something. Well that's the way the broad jumps. Listen Bobby I figure you owe me a favor and I'm here to collect. Pay to the order of nimble norm information on same. What do you mean buddy. I mean somebody shot his wife at approximately 6.30 am this morning. Wow what a drag right in the middle of a double golden sweep. You know that's criminal. You got any leads.

Well let me put it like this. I roll with the hunches. Oh yeah that's that mean motorcycle gang the cruise of the valley isn't it? I know it's a mean figure of speech that hangs out in my mouth. Groovy. Listen. Tell me what you know about nimble norm. Hey what's to tell you know he seemed like an ordinary guy. Fresno San Diego then here never played records that weren't on the list you know not a trouble maker. Just your run of the mill heavy groovy cat. I remember when we had that Kahuna Cockatoo contest he dressed up in that bird suit and did his show for two days from the top of the transmitter tower. He's a great sport. Yeah well how did he feel about his wife. He hated her guts. What do you kill her? Not in a million golden years. Why not. Are you kidding he's one of the good guys. I could see that between the time and the temperature Bobby Jimmy had his hands full next door to the radio station was a little ice cream poly that I happen to know was a hangout for boss jokes. I never did believe that old unwritten saw about a criminal returning to the scene of the crime. But I figure there might be a chance he'd return to the sign of the cream.

But the place was empty except for a certain program director. So nimble norm killed his wife huh. I didn't say that you did. I didn't kill her he did. I didn't say you did. I said he did. Did he? Who? You? Yeah I killed. I mean he killed her. Okay let's say he did. I did. You did what? I killed. I mean I said he killed her. Listen the program director had a big station like that. Well he knows we're all the 45 RPM spindles are kept at all times doesn't he? Oh whatever. If I didn't they'd be playing album cuts all over the place. You don't know these people. They're monkeys. Anyway why did you ask about a thing like that? Oh nothing I just the fact that a 45 RPM spindle lodged in her throat is what killed nimble norm's wife. I wonder if there were any fingerprints on the spindle. Well it couldn't be it's lodged in her throat. That's very interesting only the murderer knows that.

No you you just told me. I'm not the murderer. Don't look at me I've got a perfect alibi. I was with Mrs. Darwin Millenitz all last night and if she wasn't dead she could vouch for him. Okay okay pal you want to level with me now? Why'd you do it? All right all right. He did. I mean I did it. You could have done it too if you were my shoes. There he was one of my highest rated jocks with marital problems. Oh lots of people have marital problems. No you don't understand he wasn't married. Besides every time he'd have a fight with her it affected his air work last night. It took him 14 seconds to do the weather and there wasn't even any small. Okay pal I'll finish the story from here. See you kill a guy's wife to try to help his ratings. But the part I don't understand is why'd you try to frame him? I thought I could turn it into a contest. That program director had picked his last hit bound. He traded in the world of hot rock for a world of rock piles.

Oh yeah. What happened in Nimblemorm you ask? Well he changed his name shaved off his beard and does the weekend weather now on a Cleveland TV station. He paid a high price but finally he doesn't have to squeeze it into 14 seconds. Well that's about it. I've got an early morning date with my ex-wife's lawyer so I've got a bone up on my mental cruelty. Meanwhile it's time to close that fat little file I called Boss City. Confidential. Well have you been a New York City on the 125th and 8th Avenue?

Have you ever been a New York City on the 125th and 8th Avenue? That's where the girls will make you do things. That's your swore you never would do. Yes New York will make you do things. Do things that nobody understands. New York will make you do things. Do things that nobody understands. New York will make a man out of a woman and make a woman out of man. New York will make you do things that nobody understands.

New York will make you do things that nobody understands. Well now would you believe I stood only next Avenue? Well would you believe I stood only next Avenue? Yes and there's nothing there. That one of the squares can do. Not only to have a new. And now New York is my home. Not really. In the era when the credibility gap was on the radio all the time one of the major controversies sweeping American cities, including New York, was whether students in schools should be mandatory bust to achieve school integration.

It was a question that wrenched American communities far apart. Mom is my tie on straight. For the last time Lance you look fine. You're going to be the prettiest boy in school today. All the girls are going to envy you. Mom golly mom if they notice me. But I don't care. Look at my new loosely. I just love the paper when it smells so fresh. It's like you're writing the pole processing plant smelling the cellulose as the vet's extruded boy. Lance you haven't touched your tunic ache. I'm sorry mom. It's just that I'm so excited I can't even eat. I wonder who my new home room teacher is. Not that it matters. I hear all the teachers at Carver Hire swell. Well you just be careful Lance. It's a rough school. You tell anyone who tries to beat you up. Your father is the police chief.

Okay. Gee I bet the buses here already. Goodbye mom. Lance it's only 615. The bus won't be here for another 2 hours. Oh hour and 40 minutes mom. But for the first day of school I'm sure they'll come early. Lance where are you? Oh dear. Good morning pop. Lance Lance what are you doing up this early? Lance what's going on it's the middle of the night. Well dear Lance was so excited about today. He couldn't sleep so he got me up at 5 to make him an early breakfast. Yeah it is the early bird that gets the worms hot pop. I suppose so Lance. Anyway I've got good news for you son. You're not going to school today. So put on your pajamas and go back to sleep. Sleep holy cow. You're pulling my legs pop. Nope. Of course I'm going to school. Oh that's a marvelous joke. Lance. Pop me. Miss the first day of school. Oh I have to tell that to Robbie Krieger. He'll crack. Lance. He said he's going to be my friend this year. Lance it's no joke. Go back to bed you're in a boycott. Brad what's going on this is the first day of school. You know how much that means to me.

This is the first day of Liberty Madge. You know how much that means to me. More than life itself damn it. Now come on enjoy your freedom. Everyone back to bed. I don't want to see anybody up and about until 9. We're sleeping late this morning. But the bus pop. Don't you ever say that word in this house again young man. You'll go to school again when you can take your bike to springdale high. Where you belong. But I don't go to springdale high anymore. My school's cover. I'm a carver coyote. See ya ya ya. RVVV. E-R-R-R-R-L. Lance. Carver. We're low. We're high. We're. Carver high. We lost. Stop that boogie. That's disgusting. That's part of the cheer. They dance to it. They dance to all their cheer. Lance is finally dancing. Those lessons at the White really helped him. What's going on? Doesn't anyone in this family understand English? I got an eight plus in English. Listen to me, young man, and listen good. As long as you can't go to the school of your choice, you're staying home. Yeah, but I don't mind going to Carver. They have eight periods. It'll be a whole new bell schedule.

Lance, didn't you hear me? I said as long as you can't go to Springdale High, you're not going to school. But Pop, I had to wait through a whole summer vacation to go to school. I bought my own comb this year and a new hair tonic. And besides, it's the law! You don't have to tell me about the law, young man. I know more about the law in a day than you'd know in a year. And no law says you have to go to a nigger school. Man, Brad, it's integrated now. Yeah, Pop. Even Jolie, the Chinese boy is going to be there. Well, I've got some news for you, young man. Jolie isn't going to be there. His father just happens to be Vice President of the Pabs. Brad, you're not in the Pabs, are you? I happen to be President of the Pabs. Oh, Brad, I'm so happy for you. Let's have some coffee to celebrate. What's the Pabs, Pop? Parents against the bushing scheme, and every concerned parent on this block is in it. Can kids join?

You stay out of this. It's for your own good, Lance. Okay, I'll get it. It's probably the bus. If it is, you tell them to keep on going. Brad, don't you? Yeah, I wonder what's eating, Pop. Mark, good morning, Lance. Here's your father. Hope for father home. Oh, Dr. Theobal, golly. This is the first time I've ever been taken to school by the President of the school board. Are you driving the bus? No, no, no. No, Lance, I'm not. Here's your father home. Who's going to be my new home-room teacher, huh? I don't know. I'm sure somebody very good. That's what I thought. Well, Lance is your father home. Yeah, and is his lid got steam on it? I'll get him. Pop, it's Dr. Theobal. Well, hello, Horus. I figured you'd be by. Well, Brad, those are just nasty rumors. I could still be teaching in New York if I wanted to. No, no, Horus. Well, look, Brad, I promised mayor that this thing would go smoothly. You know, you know, you're not in people who are in town. And they said the way we handle this will affect their decision whether to build a deluxe motel complex downtown near Theobal Park.

No, no, that means, Brad, that we have to forget our emotions, you know. And we business like about this. Well, this is not my concern, Horus. I run the police, not the schools. Well, that's just it, Brad. We want some police in the schools. Horus, with this element in Springdale flats, so I'll head up right now. If I take the police off the streets and put them in the schools, there won't be any streets or any police by nightfall. And then where will that fancy motel be? Brad, Brad, the whole tristate area is watching Springdale today. We've just got to look good. Well, Horus, if you were to delk, I wouldn't say this, but I'll make a deal with you. Well, you assign my son Lance back to Springdale high and believe me, there won't be any trouble. Lance back to Spring. Brad, Lance, he's assigned to Springdale, he always has been. Well, I heard everybody on this block was being bust a carver. But, carver, everybody else is.

But, certainly, nothing, nothing, something to some of the police, do you, Brad? What? I mean, if you were stabbed or something, I don't think our friendship could survive it. Well, Horus, old friend, I knew I could count on you. I keep telling marriage, let's have Horus and Bertha over to dinner. Oh, Brad. They're not that much older than we are. You kids' bold, don't you? Well, Bertha does. I've got some versites with the wrist. This is great news. Great news. So long, Horus, thanks for stopping by. Well, Brad, Brad, you wouldn't know. No, you won't take every other carver. Sure, sure, sure. Everything will be fine. Horus, don't worry. All right. My son, the Springdale Spaniel again. Lance! Lance, time's a waste. Brad, Brad, be quiet. I finally got him to sleep. Sleep! Yes, dear. He cried so much, his pillow was soggy. So I gave him yours. Well, get him up, Madge. What? You don't want him to be late for the first day of school, do you? But Brad, I thought... Our son's a Springdale Spaniel, Madge, and a Spaniel never cries. You mean he's not going to carver?

Well, let's put it this way, Madge. That egghead, Thee of all, back down fast when he got away for the old Peoples' blather. Oh, Brad. Brad, I'm so proud of you. Don't kiss me while I'm in my bathroom, Madge. It's bad luck. Hello again from the Ear Witness News Desk. It strikes not with the forbidding power of a hurricane, nor with the sudden assurance of a tornado, nor with the refreshing, moistulating burden of rain. Yet, in its own way, it puts its peculiar stamp on the lives of the millions of people who call Ear Witness News home at dinner time. A natural disaster that dwarfs in its wake, the mishaps of yesterday. Call it a heatwave, a hot spell, an overdose of old souls, scorches,

a string of record highs, as well as a string of record high lows, or a string of high lows records we're in it. Heat is the name of the game, and it's been hot, hotter, and hottest. As Southern California has been moved to the front burner of what one man I know calls God's stove. Rich, imagine the heat put a damper on your weekend. Well, Harry, I assign myself a swimming pool beat around our family home, and I covered it the way I cover any beat. I dove into it a lot. No, of course, the wife and I, tipped a few coolers in the throat direction. Honestly. Honor those last fortunate. Had to give up a good golf game to boot. Well, that's what you end up doing the most of them. And little wonder that the crew calls Rich, one bull shark who likes to bowl. Well, I know I get my lump from the guys in the booth, but our Ear Witness News team has crossed the muggy metropolis today, examining the lifestyle

of a city squirming under a blanket of hot air staining the sheets beneath. Our own Robert Shapiro began the day a little early this morning when it was only in the high 80s. Incredible by paying a visit to the Los Angeles produce mart in South El Monte. And here's his report. Keepin' a cool dry place. It says on every fruit or vegetable you see. But what do you do when the place where the fruits and vegetables are stored? Can't be either cooler dry. That's the dilemma that faces Milan Cupanello who's here every morning of the year, heat or no heat. Well, it's not only affected us, but it's affected everybody who deals in fruits. I saw a peach actually covered by sweat beach walls. Now, I'm not saying that a peach can sweat, but in this weather, anything is possible. No, I wouldn't say that the housewife should change a fruit buying habits none, since we no longer rely on spice air strikes for the cooling process of fruit.

Everything now is done mechanically to refrigeration, so the heat leaves us ineffectual. So, from at least one part of town, where it's hot enough for you, this is Robert Shapiro, Ear Witness News, at the produce mart. Where will it end this whirling swirling cyclone of warmth? Well, one man who knows his weather from his armpit because his armpit smells worse, is our own weatherman, Bud Lindell. And Bud, after those predictions of rain for the past week, Harry and I are beginning to think that maybe you're a craphead. What do you say, Bud? Well, not a craphead, no, but maybe an optimist perhaps. It'll be another beautiful day in Southern California tomorrow, and for the next five days with a T.W.I. reading of 46. Now, we have had some phone calls and letters asking us to explain the T.W.I. once again. What it is, in fact, is the temperature weather index, which gives you a climate reading for every day of the year.

It's arrived at by simply dividing the temperature of the day by the weather. Once it's put in index form, of course, it can be read over the air. Looking over the national map, the lowest point in the country once again yesterday was our own death valley, with an elevation of some 285 feet below sea level. And the highest point was the Empire State Building with over 100 floors. Now, these don't change much from day to day, but we do like to keep you posted. Now, looking ahead to tomorrow, a splendid day for beach comers. So I suggest that you take the day off and swim a lot. In the city, it'll be in the high 90s with bright sunny skies and in ozone count in the basin of just 49 over the alert stage. And then, of course, means a kiddie activity index of zero. So keep the kids near, but not in that old refrigerator. Well, sir, just before a rich and harry return, here's tonight's weather poem. Heat. Ocursed heat.

Of many morns, many morns, the scorning ray of your bleached blonde light and your lipstick sunset. Yes, I have seen Marilyn Monroe rise and set in the sky. And I have wept the sweat of kleptose. God damn you son of sons. God damn. Harry? But here are a case for the basket. One man who feels the pinch of heat in the pocketbook where it counts is Morris Naboff, the head king of Beverly Hills. For over 30 years, his hats have been on display in his Wilshire Boulevard Shapo Shapoes. Do we ask Morris Naboff how he beats the heat? Now, I say this, and this is the same thing I tell my customers. You know, it's something I don't say to just everyone. The only way you can beat the heat is by putting on a hat which cools your head. When you're very hot, you should never want for shade. And I don't say this because I sell hats.

I say this because I make them. I haven't sold one in a long time. So I bear hat even when it's not hot because I get them for free. Hats off to a man who knows the heat's on, Rich. Harry, our own Robert Shapiro hasn't been exactly cooling it either. Earlier last week, he took the Ear Witness News-O-Bike up to rugged El Stalegmito Canyon where 20-year-old Danny Vanilla Waffer, a retarded youngster from the San Gabriel Valley, was lost for the past two years. The Shapiro was on hand after the boy was found. If you think it's hot where you are, imagine how it would feel to be a retarded youngster wandering through a rugged path for 26 months here in the rugged Sierra Foothills, much of them during the day. But now, safe in the hands of the proper authorities, little Danny has time to reminisce about his harrowing but retarded vigil. And I asked him what he did to beat the heat.

He flashed a simple grin and told me he stayed in the shade and often yelled, help. Well, little Danny Vanilla Waffer may be retarded, but he's no dummy. Robert Shapiro, Ear Witness News, where the retarded kid was found. Incidentally speaking of heat, Danny's parents have been arrested and charged with raising and then losing a retarded boy, a violation of the state anti-littering law, Harry. Nice rich. Well, you know they say that everybody talks about the weather, but who does anything about it? Well, that may be true, but tonight we at least have tried to talk about it. Tomorrow night, part two of our documentary on heat and prostitutes. Until then, from Ear Witness News, good night. How about the retarded boy story? Well, almost as perennial as that news story was, and it is, is of course,

a story that first broke when the credibility app was on the air, ladies and gentlemen, and is breaking yet to this day and still has not broken completely. Of course, it's the story of the invasion of America by killer bees. . . . Swarm of terror. Starring Dick Warton and Lisa Veeces. And introducing the marquee bees. The Seed. Seed one. The place lovers lay. The time. All too soon. Gee, Kathy, sure is a nice night. How about that moon, huh? Gives you ideas.

Yeah, I was just thinking, why can't they harness the power of ocean waves for hydroelectric energy? Yeah, that's a neat idea, all right? Mine was a bit more primitive. How would you like to have your field count? Oh, Blake, there's a time in a place for everything. You said we came here to listen to the radio. What's that, static? Oh, Kathy, it's just an O.B. That's a relief, Blake. Blake? That's strange. What is? This is the same brie I always wear. No, no, not that, that B. What about it? He was flying. So, it's nighttime. Blake, if you tip your hat, you're not making sense. Oh, it's probably nothing, Kathy. But throughout recorded history,

bees have never been known to fly at night, except when they feed on human blood, and well, that hasn't happened in 12 years. Ugh, that's creepy. Hold me, Blake, I'm scared. I can't now, Kathy. I'm thinking. What the... What's that, Blake? Oh, it's probably just a car back firing. It sounded more like a man screaming. Almost, almost human. Kathy, look, look over there in those bushes. It is a man, and I think he's hurt. Blake, he's coming this way. Oh, help, help, you must help me. What happened? My car back fired. It was stung by the... The beetles? No, the... the... the... the... the... the... beaver and crowds? The bees! Oh! Kathy, he's... he's dead. What do you think killed him, Blake? The beaches?

God, I wish he was still here. It's so hard to find an old guy who likes our music. Quiet, Kathy, you're beginning to wear thin. Look at this man's face. Oh, my God, no. I've never seen a complexion problem like that, Blake. No wonder he digs our music. Kathy, this man has been stung. Stung to death by bees. Yes, Mrs. Fletcher, this is Sheriff's Siddons. Yes, that's right on the Potter County Sheriff's Office. Yeah, that's the one across the street from the bank. Okay, goodbye. What was it, Sheriff? Oh, just another identity crisis. Well... It's a slow night. What do you say we close up the jail and send everybody home?

I don't know, Sheriff. It's a little too quiet for my taste. Well, how's this? Hey, now you're talking. Let's go. Sheriff's Siddons. Blake and Kathy. Sheriff's Siddons. Blake and Kathy. Oh, hi, Murrell. Please, a little late for you kids to be paying a call on us pigs. We're not really pigs, you know. Sheriff, are you sitting down? No, what's wrong? You kids are usually so shabby. Sheriff, have you ever heard of Beas, Afrikanas? Ain't she the belly dancer down at the cup of coffee pie in your mouth, Kathy? I don't think so, Murrell. Is she, Blake? Sheriff would Blake's trying to tell you as a man was just stunned to death. Horribly killed by Beas up in lovers. Kathy! You hear that, Murrell? Ha-ha-ha! You kids better get home or I'm gonna go to your roast. You kids are too young to win this murder. Go on now. It's no use, Kathy. I knew no one would believe us.

But, Guy, Blake, it's so scary. Oh, my kids are stinging me to death. Gee, Kathy, maybe we could go see your father. He's a noted endometologist. He'd know what to do. Yeah. But I wonder if he believes us. We're gonna say help somebody. The Beas are killing us. Oh, he's just gotta believe us. I'm getting an A in his class. Yeah. Well, I'll try anything once. That's not what you told me in the cards. Oh! What was that? I don't know. It sounded like it came from the sheriff's office. Don't look, Kathy. Blake! Look! Where? Oh, no! Oh! Hmm. Bees, you say, how Blake?

That's right, Dr. Foster. They stung for no reason. It's if out of pure evil. Sounds like BSF a keenest to me, Blake. You say, Kathy. I told you he'd believe me. Hold your horses now, young man. It's not as simple as that. Bees, Afrocanus has never been further north in Brazil. How would they get up here, Blake? Fly? Don't make me give you an F. But daddy, we saw it with our own... Oh, heck. I've got it. Let's turn on the news. They'll know. Well, all right. I would speed the Phillies five to two. That sports for a while. What is Bill with a smile? Well, wrapping up tonight's news, if you didn't have enough to worry about, here's something new to frazzle your nerves. A potter county housewife claims she saw a swarm of bees. Carry off her prized cow. You see, it's true. Well, I don't know if it's true,

but if this is the land of milk and honey, I'd be utterly surprised. Till tomorrow night, it's sick. What's happened? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've just been handed a bulletin. A swarm of vicious and deadly African bees is carried off and killed a rare potter county ox. Authorities, including Sheriff Bill Siddons, are dead. Apparently, victims have repeated unpleasant bees things. The potter county health administration has declared pottersville a disaster area, advising residents to stay in their homes but get their homes out of pottersville. Stay tuned for further. Further what? Never mind that. I've got to make a phone call. Who are you calling? Hello, operator. Give me the United States Army. This is Dr. Felix Foster. Thank you. Golly Cathy's Army. Sorry, I doubted you, kids. Hello, General Livingston. Oh, you've heard. What? Stung a whole regiment to death in New York? Oh, my God. Denver wiped out? Cleveland.

What are your plans, General? Oh. Ayrka, yes. It might be pretty this time of year. Well, uh, goodbye. What did he say, Daddy? He said they didn't want to get involved. That's the trouble with your generation, Dr. Foster. They don't. A bee. Oh, no. Don't pull that glass of water on it, Cathy. You'll kill him. You'll kill it. That's it, Dr. Foster. Kill it. Blake, I think you've bumbled under something. Kids, round up as many friends from school as possible. You bet. Tell them to pick all the flowers they can find and to meet us at the armory in half an hour. And for God's sake, wear shoes. Guy, look at it down there. It's like a lovin' therose parade. Yes, Cathy.

I just hope this works. It's our last chance. Maybe the last chance for all mankind. Certainly the last chance before the freeway. Those bees will never get to the freeway, Blake and Cathy. As soon as the flowers have attracted the entire swarm, we'll dump these sparklets bottles on them. They'll never know what hit them. Yeah. Ah, here they are. All right, my little friends. Are you ready for your bath of death? But I took a shower this morning, Doctor Foster. Not used to put the bees. Okay, here it goes. Look, it's killing them. It's working. Ah! But many of them are getting away. Look, look, there goes the queen. Do you mean? Out of water and they're not half out of bee. I'm afraid we've failed, kids. But doctor, our friends. I'm afraid only America could say them now. No man could pour enough water on these fiendish insects to wipe them from the earth. Oh, no. Now it's raining. There goes the big game. Wait a minute, Blake.

Don't you see? The bees. They're dying. It's a miracle. Ah! Let's go home, kids. We've been seen. Oh, what do you think did Doctor Foster? The miracle? Help me put it like this, Blake. I'm a scientist. I don't believe in God. But the man upstairs sent down a storm of mercy to wipe out that swarm of terror. There's a swarm of terror in my heart. But my eyes, they see a brighter day. With my love here with me. Then I know my life will be. A swarm of terror, no more. Hello.

Little girl. Little girl. Little girl. Hello, little girl. Little girl. Where have you been? What did you go? Little girl, hello. Little girl, hello. I shouldn't have to tell you was wrong.

Little girl, little girl. You know that was wrong. For you to live a happy heart, oh baby. Little woman, hello. I am. Follow right now. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh, oh. How long would you stay? This time, little girl. How long would you stay? For you decide to go away. Little girl, hello.

You don't know how it's been without your baby. Come on in, sit down. Let me tell you how it's been without your baby. Oh, it's been so long, yeah. Oh, it's been so long, yeah. What did you have to go? Can't you see, can't you see that I love you? And now a credibility gap editorial for you. Here is Samuel W. Ashkenow's Evice President and General Manager of the Credibility Gap. It was just a week ago, or nearly two weeks ago, that our new sources in Africa, the dark continent, reported to us that Dr. Christian Barnard,

the famous doctor, was having difficulty obtaining heart transplant patients. The story seemed to us particularly ironical, since Dr. Barnard had pioneered the difficult heart of our transplants. So to bring greater public attention to bear on this matter, we wielded our satirical scalples and wrought a minor masterpiece of sardonic surgery in the form of a spoof commercial for Dr. Barnard. Today, I am gratified, as well as humiliated, to report that our skit-type playlet has, at least for the moment, saved at least one man's life. As a direct result of our program, a patient was sent to Dr. Barnard, wherefrom he received a lively handsome transplant. A life-enhancing transplant. Proof that satire, as performed by the award-winning credibility gap, can help the people of the world live richer, fuller lives, in a funny kind of a way.

Incidentally, the donor of the transplanted heart was a 24-year-old black man who fell out of a tree. We like to think that perhaps his fall was induced by a fit of laughter while listening to one of our jokes. So the next time someone tells you, satire, ha, what good is that? They should use the money instead for cancer research. You tell them to drop dead, because satire saves lives. Thank you. These editorials, in behalf of the satirical point of view, are presented solely in our interest and do not reflect the opinion of you or anyone you know. One Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has come to ring down the curtain on another edition of your destination music program. This is your host and announcer, Dick Beebe, saying until we meet again, while you wonderful listeners out there.

Bye, Richard. The show returns next week over these same stations at the same time. Over NP are worldwide throughout Europe. On the U-Send 440 cable system in Japan, around the world through the Armed Forces Network. And on your computer, whenever you wanted at www.HarryShirra.com, where there's also some other credibility gap material archived. Email Lusho at lameilatinterworld.net Lusho comes to you from the Century of Progress Productions and originates through the facilities of SAS, a satellite service of KCRW Santa Monica,

a community recognized around the world as the home of the homeless. Credibility gap material is written and performed by Richard Beebe, David L. Andrew Michael McKean, and yours truly. Now stay tuned for the car, guys. Next here on KCRW Santa Monica at 89.9 KCRY Indio Palm Springs at 89.3 in KCR. You, Oxnard Ventura at 89.1 FM. KCRW is a community service of Santa Monica College National Public Radio for more of Southern California. Palm Springs area at 89.3, Oxnard Ventura Carpentry at 89.1, the Antelope Valley at 88.1. On Santa Paula More Park at 102.3, Ohio at 102.1, banning at 90.9 and 29 palms in Yucca Valley at 90.7. KCRW is National Public Radio for more of Southern California. Chris what what might we be here on all things considered today at five do you think?

That will be many things will be because I know I haven't had a chance to read the paper last few days. Is there any particular news happening at all? I think there's a report of some kind. Is there might hear dissected and you know regarding regurgitated. Oh it's all things regurgitated. I see today at five. Thank you Chris. They're not. He's right. Ladies and gentlemen in 10 seconds it will be 10 a.m. Pacific Daylight Savings time and will regurgitate a new edition of the show for you. Unemphasized. Of course every every single aspect of the star report will be endlessly emphasized in the days to come. But I'm unemphasized so far. In this parade of I think it's fair to say. Basically unheroic figures can we get a quorum on that basically unheroic figures course that describes life itself. But unremarked so far is the fact that yes, he lied and that Ken Star is a lunatic

zealot, but also she lied. It's a nice symmetry there because repeatedly during the stages of the affair she promised him that she wasn't telling anybody and of course she told 11 people that's one person for every sexual encounter plus just a bonus person. There's only 10. So all about 10 BJs ladies and gentlemen that's all it that's it and she told 11 people so it's one for every every job and then as I say just a baker's a baker's 10. On the other hand she is honest and at least one thing she said she testified she Monica Lewinsky testified to the grand jury that quote I never expected to fall in love and unquote and of course we know that's true because she told

her then boyfriend when she left Portland I'm gonna upon hearing that she'd been accepted for a White House internship quote I'm going to get fitted for my presidential knee pads unquote which doesn't sound like an expectation of love so any more of course wallow you bet but ladies and gentlemen we we you know it has been the mantra for several days and weeks now we must we got to get back to the real issues to the issues the American people care about serious problems that be set us in this post Cold War era as we approach the millennium for the change of the millennium so let's do that and it because well we could you know the collapse of Russia we could discuss that terrorism Bosnia Kosovo these are all good but they say you know that all politics is local so let's let's spend a moment here for we go any further on an issue that

is creating fault community wins this broadcast originates Santa Monica California the home of the homeless a community that prides itself on its progressivity and the welcome that it lays out for business you think there be a conflict there and there is because a business wants to come to town and set up shop and many of the city fathers and mothers are saying oh no no sir the business would be a eating and drinking establishment by the name of hooters that's right hooters comes to Santa Monica it sounds like an earnest movie sounds like a fairly brothers movie actually hooters comes to Santa Monica and the city fathers and mothers announced that there although there's no legal way to stop hooters the chain from setting up shop right

near the city is very popular third street promenade that city will make their lives miserable if they try which they will and they will this is it just to give you the the geography here ladies and gentlemen this is a very popular tourist area a lot of shops and restaurants and stuff you know the deal it's an old area that was dying and so they made it look like an older area and it brought it back to life how did that happen and so it's so popular now that hooters wants in this is an area a block away from a street that until I believe a year ago was home to a pussycat theater a pussycat theater which for a while experimented with gay porn and then went back to because of disappointing results I guess went back to straight porn and then shuttered only a year ago so no and nobody may just think about that it was there for

years pussycat but hooters you know because of the thing because of the lie because the hooters people say well it's about whatever you think it's about see it all does tie-in hello welcome to the show hooters are hooters you know I love you baby yeah but you don't even know my name listen to me baby I'll tell you what I'm going to do when I'm wrong it's still I'll kill somebody to get back home to you ne

you don't know my name Y'all know you don't sound like it's true They're meant to run me in the ocean I swim to the bank and crawl home to you I ain't not a lovin' you babe I ain't not a lovin' you babe I ain't not a lovin' you babe I ain't not a lovin' you babe I ain't not a lovin' you babe

I ain't not a lovin' you babe I ain't not a lovin' you babe Remember my news tongue? Forget what I just said My call of a broken glass If we could start again Before our plans were made When the world was young The house was falling down Because of my new story. Shouldn't say so much.

Shouldn't talk so loud. I'm sooner around your lips. It's all over town. And all I'm giving. It's how many gone to waste. Command has been home. Because of my loose tongue. The skin is changing. It's you. Your god is coming down fast. Looks like someone I knew. Covered happiness alive. And all the wagon times. Too much information.

In the future now. Under my sit down. The papers on the street. Can't travel under feet. And they settle for a priceless son. No, no, no, no. Could we listen? Command on. When it rains. No, what is wrong? Shouldn't ask you. Shouldn't ask you. All the news goes. Shouldn't ask you. Can't find someone else. Can't ask you. No, no, no, no. You know what man's holding on to every time. Don't give no news, please go. You've got some time.

Give much information. Don't give no news. I go to the land. Now's good enough to get to the end. Covered happiness alive. That's not enough anymore. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. It's all this. That way, that way. It's like. It's all this. You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time You used to have a lot of time

According to today's New York Times, there's discussion already about the Clinton Library Several prominent presidential historians say that if it's to maintain any credibility, you don't want a presidential library with a Bimbo Hall of Fame, a historian at the University of New Orleans, Douglass Brinkley. Brinkley's suggestion could depict Clinton's extramarital relationships as part of an exhibit on the breakdown of family life in the latter half of the century portraying him as a generational figure, but says the director of finance for the City of Little Rock where the library is to be built,

and this is maybe the most emblematic quote of the whole period in our nation's history. Here's Harold Bolt, the director of finance for the City of Little Rock, talking about the questions swirling about the Clinton presidential library. Quote, for us, this is an economic development issue, pure and simple, and you shouldn't let politics get in the way of it. And of course, it being Little Rock and Arkansas, there's controversy surrounding the land deal, the deal for the land on which the library is to be built. Little Rock plants donate the land, buying 10 parcels with $11 million generated by a sale of revenue bonds. The bond sale is inspired a lawsuit by residents concerned that the bonds are secured by revenues from the zoo and golf courses of the city, which receive only a small fraction of the income.

How typical and yet, how interesting. Ladies and gentlemen, we're all up to speed, are we? There was a report sent over quickly, with unexpected speed by independent council, Kenneth Star, complying he said with the law under which his office was created. A report, a referral, strictly speaking, numbering some more than 400 pages, which delineates some 11 grounds for possible impeachment of the president of the United States. The report was voted by the House to be put on the internet immediately, after which many House members had second thoughts saying, well, wait a minute, we're just discussing a law to prevent pornography in the internet, and then we did this. But they did. The report has been digested by many people and regurgitated by some. It's for those of you who have not well, we'll get to that.

But suffice to say that it's the focus of great attention this weekend and for the days to come. And constitutes more than enough, I don't know if it constitutes grounds for impeachment, but it's constitutes more than enough grounds for another episode of Clinton something moments from now here on the show. When I was a little boy, and the devil would call my name, and I was just a boy, I'd say who do, who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When somebody calls my name, try to think of all that I've gone through and hang your head in shame.

Someone came along and took my place, then you gave me all the blame. You should go somewhere and hide your faith and hang your head in shame. When you said I was the only one, was it just your little game? Now look back at all the harm you've done and hang your head in shame.

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully?

When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? When I was a little boy, I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?

I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully? I'd say who do you think you're fully?