Mark Russell Comedy Special

Funding for this program is made possible in part by a grant from the government and Mickey Shaffer foundation the foundation honors the memory of Kermit Schaffer creator of radio and TV Bloopers and serves as a testimonial to his appreciation of comedy on public television. Additional funding is provided by this and other public television stations. Model that they act upon the public I shy away from concepts such as verbal specificity and always violent morning. Listen to me. I believe that I can speak with your what do you tell them as a gentleman that I'm for anything but the last storm grows up and someone gives up and that's why I simply say I'm sorry that is not what I intended for my response is often Mr. Gold. It's best to be gone and Shawn replies to go on both sides of a question I can speak with that I can sing a different song and he say what pleases every differ gonna read for me as president

because I bear in mind that when it's that regret I don't want a memory model of a kook. We have had a Republican president for eight years that deficit seems out of control. One of the Democratic candidates had been clouded by adultery and quick on the draw a Robert Dole had to register as tongue with the police. 1988 Nole 1976 the first election year of the Mark Russell comedy specials the year that gave us Jimmy Carter but I gave away the ending. Jimmy said I'll never lie to you.

And to prove it he admitted that he had lusted after other women but only in my heart. That's right. In the famous Playboy interview. His running mate was an OB skewer senator from Minnesota named Walter Mondale who had campaigned in California where they thought Mondale to be the name of a little town near Pasadena. Incidentally that was my first Mondale joke. It was also the year of our first unelected president Gerald Ford tripping his way through a bitter battle for the nomination against Ronald Reagan. And for added laughs on the show there's always my vintage suits and haircuts. So let's go back 12 years when as always it helped to laugh our way through an election. If you're too young to remember what happened. I'll give you a hint. Reagan does not get the nomination. Remember it's only 1976. I predict in 1976 as far as the Democratic race is concerned I believe that around March Terry Sanford will pull out of the race and it will not be noticed

until September was I predict that Hubert Humphrey will campaign on a promise that he will stop the bombing in Vietnam. The I predict the Sargent Shriver it will fall out of the race and throw his support to John John. The I predict that President Ford will continue to defend J Edgar Hoover until he finds out in the secret file that Mr. Hoover actually spent a secret weekend at a ski resort with the Lennon Sisters. The more I think that was the first time you saw a Ronald Reagan tape now way back the first time you saw Ronald Reagan remember in the 5 and 10 was on display in the picture frame section was. Thank you.

He was always between George Brandt and Katherine Grayson as I was what I thought of Reagan's announcement it was his finest performance and he made the movie Bedtime for Bonzo it might be what. So if he is nominated that will mean that the Republicans prefer bombers all over Bozo no hour but I will say that for a screen star is certainly lacking and flamboyant. I can imagine what a wild Hollywood orgy dropping las de getting a vision of Des Moines was. But we all share as you know that there's too much big government we've got to deflate big government now he came up with the idea to transfer all of the welfare programs to state and local governments now if that works you know the other candidates are going to get on the bandwagon and come up with their own ideas of how to take the action out of Washington and spread it around the rest of the country and they'll have

ideas you know they'll have like disbanding the armed services and that way each city could have its own air force and then Buffalo can attack Detroit without some wiseguy having Washington howling about it oh well you know the idea of a buffalo Air Force is ridiculous. Think of a Kansas Coast Guard right now. Did that not be an honor mile that what a lighthouse right the middle of downtown Wichita was every election year I never fail to take the opportunity to poll the audience no matter who I am speaking to all over the country and I want to do that right now I want to poll the audience on some of the political candidates not all of them because I know a lot of you have breakfast plans but what I'll do is pretend that the election is tomorrow. All right the general of the November election is tomorrow and I will list

off the candidates and when we come to the one that tickles your fancy you may a vote to buy applause or a yelling screaming whistling be as emotional as you want because remember as Buffalo goes so goes Rochester was to eat. How cool. Let's see what we come up with right now and are you going to cooperate Archer. All right. OK. If the election were to be held tomorrow how many in here right now what are your all that. Very good thank you and all those of you who just applauded. How many of you voted for him the last time was wrong. How many in here would vote for your

couch. Looks always in there you know he's never at a loss for words I remember a couple years ago humor had a little bit of hostility in the audience somebody threw a tomato Adam didn't bother you or the tomato struck and he said speaking of agriculture we thank you. The eagle you are sure to be home tomorrow. How do you know for George was. What part of the way one of your friends are was the. Yankees are taken over are they all telling. You lies are to be held tomorrow already vote for Jackson. I actually have a more I don't vote for more you all. Up ther. First by. Jimmy Carter. And what Carter said. What's good for Skippy peanut butter is good for the country. Not.

Like we have a model for our. Nope and shot. Was. Sargent Shriver. None of the A BAD. Job. You know one of the big issues in the campaign the president and the first lady Betty Ford. She's doing a great job campaigning she's a definite asset to him in the New Hampshire primary. And they disagree on an issue that's got to be a rather major and it's very confusing nobody is really clear and I'm not as I get it. President Ford is against abortion except in states where the major primary is that the. Board seems to favor it. And that's a very convenient way to campaign because he can speak to the right to life first. She can speak to the women's libbers. And if you don't like one you can vote for the other one. A recent survey reveals the fact that

most pro-abortionist are people who have already been born. Another major issue in the campaign are the medical records of the candidates they've all gone public as far as their health is concerned. And I think they ought to have their medical examinations at one time like an army physical. Right. Mr. Stryver What do you mean you lost your sample. Ah no you can't use Teddy's. Was. Jimmy Carter's seems very healthy. All I worry about a man whose teeth look like chiclets. Was what. Reagan is very healthy looking although don't you get the idea that beneath that youthful appearance and physique is an old man trying to get out. But. The most interesting primary we've had so far was in North Carolina.

North Carolina is now known as the holy land because Ronald Reagan rose from the dead. Only performed an even greater miracle one that Reagan in this campaign has performed the greatest feat known to man. Making Jerry Ford look like a leader. Was. Better the campaign song to the president. I don't know if he'll use it or not but right now our leader. Our one board that is what I see are. You know not a lack of favor the job back.

I each Well weve had what about six primaries or so and in Florida Carter got the conservative vote and Jackson did get the Jewish vote and Hubert Humphrey carried Walt Disney World. Will. And Milton's shout your recall did not do well because most of the voters thought Milton shap to be a bond issue. George Wallace didn't do well in Florida nor North Carolina he said well after all Florida North Carolina are not southern states and that he yearns to go back to his native Massachusetts. Now President Ford won the new Massachusetts primary which didn't surprise anybody because he didn't visit there. Then the Illinois primary was this it was described as being a beauty contest with

Mayor Daley in the role of Bert Parks. Right. Now since we're in New York State and the New York primary is tomorrow I thought we'd take another one of our famous polls and find out how the studio audience feels on the Democratic candidates and how many in here right now plan to vote tomorrow. Far more of your god. Ah thank. God that now Utah along with the others at this point they have to broaden their base of power in other words a lot of them can make it with who they have you see they have to change their image their their labels Utah has to start calling themselves sort of liberal. See he's very strong out there in the lily white liberal middle class suburbs but weaker with the blue collar crowd in town know how to appeal to both groups I don't know. And you have to know how to do the hostel and the polls at the same time. Will. How many here vote tomorrow for school Jackson.

Ah right again Jackson has to change his image the SS are calling himself the formerly Dall. As they used to be a dull speaker for a while they once gave a fireside chat and the fire fell asleep. Was. Already the plan to vote for you know Bart hopper. Thank you. Yes we need a fresh face. We'll. Because everyone's getting sick of Jimmy Carter and that's why I don't read about for Jimmy Carter or the ear. Alice Carter says that after the election they will have minor surgery to have the smile removed. Was. Hard. As a. Sandy Haran and a close up. I.

Don't know where we came from. Says he's not a lawyer so welcome that as a plus. I will hurt my eyes. That's the truth. Every time I roll on not there. Was. On that route watching John. And John's done with me when I'm in the White House. When addressing me. Mr. President won't do me. Thank you Governor Brown Jerry Brown is there with that they describe him as being a

mystic or an aesthetic in the way that he's an ex Jesuit seminarian of course there's no such thing as an ex Jesuit or anything that. One summary always original. And he's also into Buddhism. And yet he still retains his traditional Catholicism. I have known people like that they're called you know got Catholics. And among other things they practice making the sign of the cross with their feet. Mm. That's just him. Burke's body has just released his one delegate the Fred Harris. Had. This thing isn't over yet folks no no no. And the National Office of the stop charter movement is now a Burger King. Had. I guess you know we maybe should get used to the expression of President Carter. Maybe you know what happened. You have saw decades from now tourists will go to Washington to visit the Carter monument a 200 foot high

marble Moeller. God. A little up something happened several weeks ago that we can now tell you about that can only be described as mystical. Jimmy Carter was making a speech and the light reflecting off his teeth. Gave off such a great and glorious glow that three wise men showed up very little. Touch. I never thought I'd see the day when I would be in New York. You're going to go to Kansas City where the action is. Little. I think the only way you're going to get any excitement at the Democratic convention if Jerry Brown ever got the nomination and then he would announce his running mate. His own inner self.

A little while at sea of a running man. Frank Church is the man Jimmy he won three primaries when Nebraska Ontario and Manitoba. Legal. Will I get a kick out of Brown with the austere lifestyle imagine a Brown was never elected president. Imagine his inaugural parade as he backpacks down Pennsylvania Avenue was up there. As the Marine band plays Hari Krishnas So the chief. Was so he went back to California just spent the weekend at his weekend retreat now Brown you know of the austere lifestyle. For example Reagan has a ranch out there Ford has the lodge at Vail Brown has a mattress in Malibu. The only stunt to Mr. Carter is please everybody at the same time and I was going wrong with that that's politics just he already was the only candidate who would order a hop a straw man raisin bread with ketchup. Was Will. Will wants to please everybody that's all everybody.

The rich person up poor person. The farmer the urban dweller. He's the only farmer in Georgia who wears bib overalls with a little alligator on the fatwas. Will it OK now it's you in the studio audience your turn now to let me know and let the nation know how you feel about the three candidates that are left over to take another one of our famous pauses. If the election were held tomorrow how many in here right now. Would vote for our job. Thank you very good. You By the way are in the same company with a job job job or Fred Astaire and Sonny Bono was the last meal tomorrow how many voted for Ronald Reagan. Ah.

I. Had to think about it. Will you are in the same company with John Wayne and Pat Boone. Will they are backing Reagan and don't think it was easy running the last two guys in America who still think Nixon's Allison. Was will be out tomorrow I'm going to vote for our Jimmy Carter thank ya. Ah you are in the same company with Johnny Cash Burt Lancaster and Percy Sledge. Was the. Will. But Ragan start to pull ahead there you know they he. It bothers him when people still refer to him as an actor and everything well I have the same problem I still keep thinking of him as an actor I suppose it was because when he was governor he would sign all the bills. Best wishes Ron that.

Was. What I started to turn around for Reagan in the Texas primary. He obviously did so very very well in Texas having promised the voters of that state that if elected he would move their southern border down to Panama. And install an exact change the lane in the canal. Will. Hmm. You know I remember in the debates the debates you remember the debate. Yeah there were there were four of them. It's funny because everybody only remembers one thing about every debate you know what's the only remember the first of a year what it was we all slept through until the sound went off when everybody woke up and said What was that. And then the next one was out in San Francisco last where old Gera really that he not only tripped over Poland Romania and Czechoslovakia as well. Resulting in the fact that in Poland they started telling Ford

jokes. Home. Ah. Ah heck if it was between the running mate the vice presidential candidate Robert Dole and Walter Mondale Jack the Ripper in the Scout-Master. Will the. Rubber dog enter drama school better late than never and he. Will know what he said at the debate he said. Now Democrats are to blame for the war. Now you know that's true. I don't when the Greeks jumped out of the Trojan horse they yelled out LBJ all the way. Ah one of my old it was down here in Virginia at the College of William and Mary and the winner of that one obviously was married but. In the dbase did they discuss the real issues of the campaign. I mean the real issue is sex law still that Alfre. And Nelson

Rockefeller's contribution digital communication or let your fingers do the talking you know on. All Rob he was doing with that obscene gesture of his was demonstrating how they turned down a loan that chased man of God. Ah. I. Was you know looking back I remember is about a month before the election Jimmy Carter and finally decided not only to grant two more magazine interviews the Popular Mechanics and Field and Stream. From the guys as you know in playboy who came out in favor of adultery on demand. Take seven cases where the life of the ledger is in danger. Will was all he was doing in the Playboy interview was demonstrating his fiscal responsibility. Because to commit adultery only in your heart is cheaper. I. Will. Remember the Bible says that to merely look lustfully

means that you've already sinned. There are for Mr. Carter in the White House for the past six months. So people would say they said well why did he read the Playboy interview in the first but I didn't heard about if he had lost or they say well because of Playboy. Well why did he grant the interview he didn't know was Playboy he was tricked. And I'm here to tell you exactly what happened now that the election is over with the never horror story of exactly what happened. Store bought a gun or a bar I swear it's the same one bamboozled by Adam. Hefner was his name and he said I'll make you famous in the magazine. Well I don't know. Tell me more about this magazine. Have you know what I call it U.S. News and World Report.

Right I mean I just got out. Why am I gonna be. Well you understand a lot of magazines. They got pictures of women who have never been. What you asked were all reporters a joy compared to the devil's own command and their leaders being lame. And I'd be proud to appear in your fine magazine. On any matter Mr. Gard going after know. That he picked up the phone quite dry said Jerry at some of our eyes. Ah

and thought that. With the wrong way the Mark Russell comedy special was produced by W.. Ne d Buffalo which is soley responsible for its content funding for this program was made possible in part by a grant from the comet and Mickey Shaffer foundation. The foundation is the memory of Kermit Schaffer creator of radio and TV Bloopers and serves as a testimonial to his appreciation of comedy on bubbling television. Additional funding is provided by this and other public television stations

for an audio cassette of tonight's program. Send a check or money order for $7 to Mark Russell campaign 76. Post Office Box four thousand Buffalo New York 1 4 2 4 0. Please do not send cash. Allow six weeks for delivery. Good.