Le Show; 1992-11-22; 1992-11-29; 1992-12-16

Well, ladies and gentlemen, what in fact have we to be grateful for? Well, a metallic trash receptacle, I guess, would be number one on my list of blessings to count this year. But I start over or just ignore that or just go home. I don't know, ladies and gentlemen, to me, the thing to be most grateful for at this most blessed time of the year is that the Malcolm X movie was not directed by Oliver Stone. Hello, welcome to the show. This is

And I'm just me Just me Give me steam And how you feel the baby real Feel the change that you see Get along With the dream of the stream You know you caught you from your trash You know you're plastic from your cash When I've decided to try You know the way back And I know you You know you're stripper from your paint You know you're silver from the sand

When I've been having stars and shadows You'll get them up and run I know you Give me steam And how you feel the baby real Real is any place you'll be Get along With the dream of the stream Stay back Stay back If you see a lost control I'm getting this green You're moving in so close Till I'm picking up Picking up this heat Just me

Give me steam And how you feel the baby real Real is anything you see Get along With the dream of the stream You know you're creeped from your air You know you're creeped from your air So much better than the rest You took your weakness And I know you You know you're leather from your snake You know the trouble from the break You know you're straight line from a curve You've got a lot of love But I know you Give me steam And how you feel the baby real Real is any place you'll be

Get along With the dream of the stream Everybody knows that Hold your bed Come to buy a pack Sad to be trapped Cover it up in bubble wrap Room shake Earthquake Find a way to stay away It's gonna blow It's gonna break This is more than I can take Oh yeah I need steam Feel the steam around there Are you turning off the heat Then I start to feel the light Feel the baby Won't you step into this power of steam This is steam

Give this steam And how you feel the baby real Real is any thing you'll see Get along With the dream of the stream Cover it up Ready to see you Let it all down It's gonna break This is more than I can take Won't you step into this power of steam This is more than I can take Won't you step into this power of steam This is more than I can take Won't you step into this power of steam

And how you feel the baby real Real is any thing you'll see Get along With the dream of the stream Well the landlord rang my front dog bell A let it rain for a long, long spell Went through the window He threw the blind Asked him to tell me what was on mine And he said mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it If you wanna stay here with me Well I was clean and streamed and so hard to breath I call the woman and I love the bed Mine and mine are baby

Got a cornered bridge I don't know what you want with me And I said mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it If you wanna get along with me Well she screamed and said What's wrong with you

From this same point I'm gonna mess it through And I said tell me baby Face to face I call another man Take my plane She said Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it If you wanna get along with me Well I've learned my lesson And now I know The nature When they go When they come And when they go When they go I tell them that I love and so I want it on it Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it If you wanna get along with me Well I've learned my lesson

And now I know I'm on it Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on It's on it Mine is on to me But mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on Mine is on it Mine is on it Mine is on It's GPU It's GPU It's GPU Mine is on Here come the hand-made, it's all been time Lost treasure from a primitive race

All your lives written on your face Can't build the canyons of your mind The binders in your blood You follow the signs of love Where the map is one, and hang on Now you change, don't jump over pieces you've changed You're better off before you talk The roof was shaking too Here come the hand-made, it's all been time The binders in your blood You swallow the signs of love Where the map is one, all of your stars before And all of your spells will break

So look at what's now gone Where the sea will fly Well, hello ladies and gentlemen Happy anniversary of the Kennedy assassination and Thanksgiving Day Week They're twins now, you know, forever, I guess Unless they move Thanksgiving Welcome to Lesho Yeah, yeah, yeah From coast to coast ladies and gentlemen From virtually coast to coast Just think about it, no, don't It's not worth thinking about it, it's a cliche That's why we say them, so they don't have to think about them For anybody, you know, I don't solicit this kind of thing But for anybody who was thinking of sending cards, gifts, cakes The ninth anniversary of this program on the air Of course, I've been doing it in my mind all my life But the ninth anniversary of it on the air

Will be two weeks from today, which will coincidentally Be the first day of our broadcasting in New York City Just, you know, just for your wizard From daily, I had to check whether it was daily or weekly Daily variety, you know that To be the Bible of show business Get ready for something complete This was a little behind the curve on this But you'll see why it's worth, it was worth waiting for Get ready for something completely different from Steven Segal's latest film The movie still features many of the things Pyrotechnics, fights, and shoot-em-ups For which the action stars, pictures are famous What's different about this one Is that it's the first Not to feature another well-known Segal trademark The three-word title While Segal's first four films above the law Hard to kill

Marked for death And out for justice All featured catchy three-word monitors His latest is titled Under siege Segal admits it's been an uphill fight getting the studio executives To change their minds and let him do things his way Quote I always hated the fact that the studio insisted on using three-word titles Unquote said Segal from his office on the Warner's lot Quote, it was always their idea Unquote, Segal notes that his last film for Warner Brothers out for justice Was originally titled The Price of Our Blood Until the Warner's marketing department decided to change it Quote, my original title was a real mafia title And related to the film he said of the 1991 pick Then they decided to put the other title on it Which didn't have much to do with the film Rob Friedman, Warner's president of worldwide theatrical advertising and publicity Refused to comment Imagine that a publicity director refusing to comment Sounds like politics

However, a source close to several of Segal's films explains that marketing execs at both Warner's And Fox, which released his third film, decided to stick with a successful formula All of the titles had that certain Stephen Segal ring to them, says the source As soon as you heard the title, you knew what you were getting Studio marketing people always felt this was one more way to sell one of his films Unquote, for his latest endeavor though, Segal decided to break the mold Oddly enough Under siege, which star Segal is a Navy cook, forced to battle terrorists who hijack a battleship Let me just share that with you one more time Because it's so damn good Which star Segal is a Navy cook, forced to battle terrorists who hijack a battleship Thank you very much, this is my pleasure Was originally called Dreadnaught, a term that refers to a heavily armed armored vessel According to the film's writer and executive producer Jonathan Lawton The original title didn't test well And Warner Brothers marketing department went to work overtime to find a new title

True to form, they came up with last to surrender Which the studio started using as the film went into production Segal and others were less than thrilled Stephen and I both hated the title, insisted Lawton Who says Segal fired off a harshly worded letter to marketing executives Saying he wouldn't stand for the three word title The marketing department felt that Stephen was always in movies with three word titles And they didn't want to change, said Lawton We really wanted to try something different And in the battle with Warner Brothers over the title changes Segal, as he has in all his movies, emerged victorious Segal, Stephen really battled him on that, said Lawton And the next thing I heard, it was called Under siege The burden the artist must bear ladies and gentlemen in modern day Hollywood For the right to have a two word title And speaking of the arts actor director Alan Thich has put a Hollywood Hills home

He is used as a Pietater Canadian term, no really, just French On the market at 1,785,000 For a Pietater Imagine if you were actually planning to live there, how much it would cost Thich who ended his seven year run as the father in the ABC sitcom Growing Pains Played Dr. Jonas Carson in the Disney Channel's comedy adventure Still not quite human, which aired last May Maybe you cut it His main residence is in Toluca Lake But he also owns a home in Matacito and some land Overlooking Beverly Hills It's not easy to overlook He bought the Hollywood Hills home, so wait a minute Well, Pietater when he's, that's usually when you come in from out of town He lives in Toluca Lake, which is the over the hill Like 10 minutes from Hollywood And in Matacito, which is an hour away to be fair So, you know, it's Pietater He bought this home a couple of years ago and recently leased it out Until it sells The home has four bedrooms, a pool, spa

And some fine city views And they like, they enjoy them I know I did And also from the hot property column Because it ties into the rest of the world Don't you know Designing women producers Harry Thomason and Linda Bloodworth Thomason Apparently will decorate in-house by the studio Their new Santa Barbara County home Which president elect Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary are expected to visit frequently That's what a century city decorator says she was told When she phoned the producers to see if her company might design the interiors Quote, I thought they might like to use some real designing women She said of her female-owned firm Whose celebrity clients have included Piazzadora, Don Drysdale, and Brett Saber-Hagen That is a very, very pushy publicist who got that item in I just have to say that ladies and gentlemen Now, please help me with this Two things that, you know, I don't get on my crusade horse all that often

Because look what happened to David Horowitz When he tried to just be on the little man's side But help me with these two things Help me understand, if you will I know I wrestled with this earlier And it's just come back to haunt me again So I must ask you to just help me clear this up Here in California they put in a new sales tax A while back And it applies for the first time to printed material In defiance of the first amendment, some of us think But anyway, it applies to printed material Published, printed matter, things you might want to read If you go to a news rack, you know, one of those machines around Los Angeles The price of the Los Angeles Times is 35 cents You put in a quarter, and a dime, and assuming that the machine hasn't been Gimmied So that you get nothing in return, you get a paper for 35 cents

The other day I wasn't near a news rack I made the mistake of going into a human-manned facility A liquor store I picked up the Los Angeles Times and plunked down a quarter and a dime And the guy, in Best's 1990s Los Angeles tradition, said in barely comprehensible English It's 38 cents, because there's sales tax on it Why is there sales tax on it when you buy it in a liquor store? Is this discrimination against humans? Is this the machine lobby? I don't know I don't know, and this one, this one, offends me even more Even though it doesn't affect all that many people in the actual real world In the world of, you know, your Somalias and your Bosnias But, and I don't know if you know this ladies and gentlemen, but if you buy a seat on an airplane Well, you don't buy it, you rent it, of course, unless you're actually going to take it home in the trunk

But if you pay for a seat, pay for the right to occupy Let's be precise about it, a seat on an airplane, an airliner, a jet liner And you are so unfortunate as to get the seat in the back row of any particular section That's first class, or business class, or no class That seat odds are will not recline Now, I know they've deregulated the hell out of the industry But where do they get off charging, you know, like regular price or regular discounted price Or regular, today only, before 4 p.m. unless you cancel in which case will take your car, price Whatever price they want to charge, how do they get away with charging the same price for a seat that doesn't recline The silence is deafening This has been a week, another week of apologies This is becoming a trend Senator Robert Packwood, Republican of Oregon, has apologized

About a dozen members of his staff, female members of his staff, former members, present members have now put in claims of sexual harassment by the senator He originally said denied it, and now he says he's not going to make an issue out of it, and he is apologized And he's offered to take each of them out for a very special dinner Governor Fordice of Mississippi apologized It's Republican apology week, actually, all of the people apologizing Republicans Governor Fordice at a Republican governor's conference this week said that this was a Christian nation And that the more that we ignore that fact, the further we fall into the abyss of poor character and chaos in the United States Then another governor got up and said, well, the values in this country really are Judeo-Christian And he said, I got up just to add that part, Judeo And Governor Fordice of Mississippi got back up and said, you know, if I wanted to put that in, I would have

Today, actually, Friday, the governor issued a statement that said, in part, I deeply regret any offense that any mississippians might have taken at my remarks Forget about the rest of us The governor's office said the statement was intended as a full apology And Rabbi Stephen Engel of the Beth Israel synagogue in Jackson, Mississippi said he was satisfied Oh, to be a Jew in Mississippi today, huh? And Lawrence Eagleberger, hmm, sounds mighty tasty on a cold winter day, doesn't it? Lawrence Eagleberger, the acting Secretary of State, apologized also for that little thing where the people in the State Department rummaged through the passport files This, according to the Washington mavens, is not a big deal But just in case it is, we've got Larry Eagleberger saying, I am so, so sorry We've got the Republicans apologizing ladies and gentlemen, counter blessings

I love to watch the moonlight with arms about you and right from the start, there's love in my heart The sunny afternoon light I know wouldn't do, so darling, please don't run out of my heart tonight I love to watch the moonlight long after the dance, come over the hill I get such a thrill with you a marcher, June night is good for romance Let's put our lips together, give romance a chance Love can be so intense, I touch your hand and feel my heart grow a man's Your lips I adore, but that's because I love you just a bit more than others before A set of metal tune might be thrilling to sing, while watching the stars Especially arms, your eyes are filled with moonlight, my heart's filled with spring I love to watch the moonlight so that the eye plain

So darling, please don't run out of my heart tonight Let's put our lips together, give romance a chance Love can be so intense, I touch your hand and feel my heart grow a man's Your lips I adore, but that's because I love you just a bit more than others before

A set of metal tune might be thrilling to sing, while watching the stars Especially arms, your eyes are filled with moonlight, my heart's filled with spring I love to watch the moonlight so that the eye plain Your eyes are filled with moonlight and my heart is filled with spring I love to watch the moonlight so that the eye plain Thanksgiving Day What better occasion could there be for giving thanks, and of course there's so much for which to express our gratitude Good health, family, and of course the bounty of goodness on our table This year why not express your thanks in a different way, feasting on the pork-tinged goodness of lunch and meats from the famous farmie Brunch while you're in liver sausage for Thanksgiving, well traditionally it is the earliest dinner of the year, and tradition could not summon nor imagination conjure Any better lunch and meats for a festive dinner occasion than these spicy treats

And for good reason, you see unlike most packers who dispatch their porkers to the west coast frozen or in cold storage The famous farmer sends his thanks giving day parade of pigs and piglets out here live, then dresses them fresh locally And then just as the earliest settlers did with the Indians, he smokes them slowly over native western wood So this Thanksgiving Day why not put the pig back in pilgrim, with the wonderfully smoke hearty poor sign goodness of the dinner so easy to prepare And so leftover free that everybody will give thanks, including the cook Brown, swagger, and liver sausage from the famous farmer make it the centerpiece of your holiday meal and give the turkey the day off I've been leaving on my things, so in the morning when the morning bird sings, there's still dinner on my dinner Jacka' till the dinner bell rings, expandin' into the thaw Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing, dinner bell dinner bell ring

I've been leaving on my things, so in the morning when the morning bird sings, there's still dinner on my dinner Jacka' till the dinner bell rings, expandin' into the thaw Waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing, dinner bell dinner bell ring I've been leaving on my things, so in the morning when the morning bird sings, there's still dinner on my things I've been leaving on my things, so in the morning bird sings, there's still dinner on my things I've been leaving on my things, so in the morning when the morning bird sings, there's still dinner on my dinner

Jacka' till the dinner bell does the bell thing, dinner bell dinner bell do the bell thing, I'm waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing Dinner bell dinner bell do the thing, I'm waiting for the dinner bell to do the bell thing, dinner bell dinner bell do The sun comes up in a coffee cup

I've had enough load, I can't believe what I see How could you be alone? You could sit right beside me, girl And make your servant home, I meant to numb face And muscle shows, and I love it one more What I don't know When the sun goes down, it's another time I'm bartender, please, another round load, I can't believe what I see How could you be alone?

When you could sit right beside me, girl And make your servant home, I meant to numb face And muscle shows, and I love it one more What I don't know A shower she had thick ones, a salad had some too But I was unhappy, little ones would hate to go to school And I make my bed, where I lay my head And I wish I heard what she just said, Lord, I can't believe what I see How could you be alone? When you could sit right beside me, girl And make your servant home, I meant to numb face And muscle shows, and I love it one more What I don't know A shower she had thick ones, a salad had some too

And I was unhappy, little ones would hate to go to school And I make my bed, where I lay my head And I wish I heard what she just said, Lord, I can't believe what I see How could you be alone? When you could sit right beside me, girl And make your servant home, I meant to numb face And where I go, I love it one more, what I don't know What I don't know

Well, our Canadian friends are not exactly apologizing after all They're not Republicans, they're just conservatives But they are compensating That's the next best thing, I guess Canada has agreed from the New York Times To compensate victims of psychiatric experiments Carried out mainly in the 1950s And financed in part

Any guesses? No, not the agriculture department No, the Central Intelligence Agency, of course The experiments began, trying to drive some Canadians crazy Now, see? For those of you who think the CIA never did anything good The experiments began after some prisoners returned from the Korean War brainwashed And Western intelligence agencies began studies and experiments on the nature And possibility of mind control An institute at McGill University in Montreal, headed by a psychiatrist who's dead So, can't get him, was one of the centers where such experiments were carried out Now the Canadian government says the 80 or so patients who underwent the so-called Psychic driving treatment They say that's a brainwashing experiment of my own Intended to wipe the brain clear of all trauma Gee, it sounds like a religion I can think of Can receive almost $80,000 each

The decision, which was announced this week, represents an about-face For the government of Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, pronounced Mulroney Several years ago, when the matter came up after a number of suits were filed by victims Ottawa refused to pay compensation one reason for the change was that We're already paying the Canadians Kind of shames the Canadians when we're paying them The patients at the Institute at McGill were put into a drug sleep for weeks or months Have to be paid for that Subjected to electroshock therapy until they were de-patterned Knowing neither who or where they were And forced to listen repeatedly to recorded messages broadcast from speakers on the wall or Under their pillows Yeah Canadians understood such a thing happened in their country And to get the government to take responsibility so it won't happen again Said one of the victims who filed suit Many of them emerged not even being able to read it right

So I guess they were fit for life in this country then as a result Anyway, so we tried to drive some Canadians crazy and we're paying for it now Ladies and gentlemen, it's just another price of the Cold War In addition to all those radiation-dosed people who live in Utah And John Wayne, we killed John Wayne for the Cold War And we drove some Canadians crazy but you know if you're going to make some eggs However that goes Now there are some other oddities into the week's news You may have noticed that in the wake of this state department Fufaro about rummaging through the files, the passport files The White House Council, C. Boyd and Gray, an old yaley pal of his boss, George Bush, has issued an opinion That White House employees are legally entitled to erase and destroy telephone logs and computer tapes Because you know, who cares?

Why would anybody want to know about that stuff? That and more reflected upon in another cassette from the notes for presidential memoirs coming up Just moments, you can just feel it, just next here on the show To James, running along the tracks And we don't want to live this way, ain't never coming back Day number one, this happy-ass can be

Day number two, you work at set them free Too many nights, hiding under bed Too many things, they'll rip it in Everybody knows, they must have been insane So close first day, up to James Just falling down, behind the bedroom door Too many times, I'm banging into walls Too many times, I cry, but one never falls

Everybody knows, they must have been insane So close first day, up to James Day number one, standing at the gate Day number two, as they can be that holds their hand Too many angels, the brand-new silken wings Too many cries for love, but no one hears a thing

Everybody knows, they must have been insane So close first day, up to James Everybody knows, they must have been insane So close first day, up to James Now it's for presidential memoirs Because set AD 35, it's after defeat

I haven't been dictating too many of these With mother passing away in the election And the whole depression thing The media built way out of proportion I loved to have a couple of nights where I thought about asking one of the secret service to tell to shoot me I didn't do it of course, I wouldn't put any of those fine men into that kind of pressure Thing that hurts most, hey, they didn't politics along I don't know, it's big boys game, but man, it is weird how your quote-unquote friends abandon you once the power starts hammering away from you They're just washed away in the flood of lost power Note to ghost writer, there's a whole sentence without the word thing in it But Peggy Noonan for God's sake piling on me in the New York Times for God's sake I mean, gave her all the credit, she gets a book deal out of it

But when you come down to read my lips I just said the damn thing, she's the one who wrote it No time for bitterness of course, but if one of her hooters fell off, it wouldn't break my heart Great time fishing in Florida with some of the fellas, wouldn't you know it? One week when the media couldn't care less whether or not I catch a bluefish I still don't get one Nice call from Ron Reagan said he didn't personally know what it meant to lose, but as an actor he could imagine what we're going through right now But there's a time in your presidency when the big thing in your week is running a summit of world leaders and farming the greatest coalition in the history of modern, whatever it was, we said at the time And then there's a period when the big thing in your week is holding a gracious meeting with your successor God rest her soul, mother, dead teacher, son, how to be gracious

This is the panel where Dick Nixon used to control his little tape thing Oh no kidding Smoking gun central, huh? All disconnected, although the technical people tell me the wiring's still in place Oh God, incredible Andrew Jackson platter in this case over here Is this yours or does it come with the house? Well the legal guys are into that now, so you know, you sit here in the chair It's a lobbyist I guess, but I want to make sure I'm not leaving anything out, feel viscerally about that Want this to be the best transition ever No, me too You guys used to talk about wanting to hit the ground running I want to hit the ground scoring Hey, listen, can't blame you I mean Hillary's delightful woman, don't get me wrong, but man, talk about jaws I tell you one thing, I think she were taught her in this campaign that I did You know, I just lost my voice, that woman gave up her whole face and hair

Couch from the Jackson administration, borrow go through all that with your misses Got some unfinished business we should go over Okay, okay, first should be Bosnian, right? First one is Bosnian What's that little thing? Pro Wizard, three different kinds of encryption No kidding, that's an old toy from the company It finally licensed it to the Japanese, huh? Company meaning CIA? Yeah, Bob Gates used to run around with one of those things in the old days He had a assassination scenario as everything in there Any of those in the pending fight? Companies suspended that product line several years ago So, this Bosnian thing, ugly thing Our people have confirmed death camps Europe just obsessed with a trade thing We're doing some clandestine stuff Arms aid to the Muslims? No, right now we're just helping a couple opposition TV stations stay on the air and Serbia One of the radio marty people running that shop

Stations have any impact, might be a good syndication market for your friend show Is that the designing women? Yeah, but it's real funny in Serbia, Croatian One of the rest of this stuff is inactive really You know, the kind of thing Baker took a personal interest in Yeah, well, gee, speak of the devil, come on in, Baker You know the president, the elect It's a real honor You folks ran one hell of a campaign Thanks, you've run a few good ones yourself Well, I wrote this big fellow over here one time pretty good didn't I sir? Yeah, what's up, Baker? I'm just making sure Maggie and the boys do their little house keeping chores Some little times so much to wipe up You folks want a minute? I'll just walk over to take a look at the Lincoln bedroom or something I can't blame you a bit Look, let's just take a second And the 500s didn't help Well, with house indosage, it's a very individual thing You know, I guess you should try too Okay, and the telephone lawn Everything's getting very clean

Jim, let me get back to briefing the new man at the helm here Talk to you later, huh? Sure thing, Mr. President, Mr. President Elected, distinct pleasure Oh, son, here Jim Tell Jim Carvel, he's the first man who's made me wish Lee Atwater was still alive We'll do Great man, Baker Man's man No, that's a true problem Yeah You got someone like that? Huh, I've got policy advisors up the yin yang I know, everybody does I mean, someone trusted and close has been through the big ones with you You know, I'd say someone who's been in the foxholes with you No, no, I know what you mean I've got a pretty tight group around me to tell you that No, I know, I'm just saying someone that'll walk on fire for you And keep you from stepping in too much due to yourself Tell you, man, you're gonna need that because What's that, the secure phone? Yeah, man, how do you know? Well, see, I have a little plan on the phone setup in this room Great

Yeah, what's cooking? Hi, Mr. President, I have Richard Nixon on Secure Line 2 for you Well, this is Nixon calling me, do you mind if I take it? Oh, what's he on? Line 2? Yeah Yeah, sure, no problem, thanks Hello George would have called you earlier, cars, talked about life in the abyss But I heard you were depressed anyway, how are you? I'm better dick, thanks How's Pat? Oh, you know, she's, she's done old Pat Listen, you're, I hear you're there with Clinton Just take him in it, you know He's a good man, he's, he's no bomb thrower No, it's there I heard you, your people were, were dying the wiping and shredding bit Oh, Jim Baker is personally on it, he says the state department thing is not going to slow as that Well, I've told about a day or so ago, I would have said, that's your top priority right now, you know, screw Russia You screw boss man You screw the freaking world, get rid of those tapes and those computer tapes and all that

But, George, you gotta call it off for your own good What are you talking about, Clinton could name Pee Wee Herman attorney general And their justice department would find enough stuff to hang us on, you know, we weren't, we weren't sitting on our hands sucking our thumbs these last four years Oh, I know, I know, I know, yes, you'll take some heat, the man in the arena always does But you get through it, and just on the other side is something amazing He's all either, he just talks it off of a fragment of a Lincoln manuscript for one million six They're the, with Malice Tord nun speech Yeah, Malice Tord nun speech is right by Carfius to say, the one million six speech is how I think of it Do you know what Christy thinks they can get for the original of the cancer on the presidency tape? I mean, this court decision this week makes it a whole new ballgame charge, think of it Few years down the line after the shake out all your so-called friends are busy lubricating the pretty boy that's exceeding you Like me, you're not a rich man, and you can auction off all those computer tapes to take care of your kids and yourself and Pat But I am a rich man

Oh, well, in a race to dance, things, listen, Jarge, defeat is better medicine But like all medicine, if it doesn't kill you, it can make you better, that's the important part Thank you, sir. I should get back to the president electees He's wandering through the Lincoln bedroom And as for this retirement craft, don't take the Jerry Ford route, you know, just sell yourself to dinner parties Stay active, stay involved, stay in the arena, you know, repackage yourself if you have to But don't ever let the bastards think they've beaten you Yeah, and stick it to them in your library, don't forget that Okay, Dick, listen, I'll talk to you before the holidays Word to the wise, Jarge, three million five for smoking gun Bye-bye I should get Clinton back in here What the hey, if he wants to be briefed, he knows where to find me It's just as easy to be gracious by myself Try not to concentrate on how damned easy it would have been to win the election

Just not give in to that How could they vote for him thing? Just concentrating on how I could spend the whole weekend flower And catch not one bluefish More later One day, one day One day, one day

In reality, they make a mess up a group, y'all know how, they pass it out to the world Yeah, but you must have done this with a career jack-o One day, one day One day, one day One day, one day One day, one day How could they vote for him thing? Just concentrating on how I could spend the whole weekend flower And catch not one bluefish

More later, one day, one day One day, one day One day, one day One day, one day

One day, one day, one day Well ladies and gentlemen, I am advised, I'm reminded actually by a constant listener that in Orange County, California You only have to put down a dime and a nickel to get the same Los Angeles times And I know from personal experience in Ventura County, which is suburb to the North, you only have to put down a quarter

So what's the deal? That's my question, what is the deal? I don't know, I can't figure that out All I can do is go try to perform some of my own experiments to drive some Canadians crazy That is by way of saying that this concludes this edition of the show The later-riving gym would be your best recourse if you want to find out the music played on this program Request a playlist by sending a self-addressed stamp envelope with your request date the request Date gym, if you like, but send it to gym, caravalous show, 1900 Pico, PICO Boulevard, Santa Monica, California, 9, 04, 05 This program will return next week at this same time, a little fatter, a little more full, but over these same stations

And it would stuff my turkey ladies and gentlemen if you would make plans to join me then, would you? Thank you very much The show comes to you from century of progress, productions, and originates through the facilities of SAS, a satellite service of KCRW Santa Monica A community recognized around the world as the home of the homeless Tom Schnabel is here hiding behind the equipment, but now he's emerged at full height to prepare ladies and gentlemen to bring you four hours of fine three hours 11 to three, 11 to three is, oh, all things considered right, three hours, yesterday was four hours Where is my head, yesterday is where my head is, prepared to bring you three hours of the finest in music of all kinds from around the world

That's Cafe LA with Tom Schnabel, it's next at two o'clock, all things considered from national public radio at its new time Three o'clock, the reggae beat two hours of the finest in reggae music at five o'clock news from NPR Immediately followed by car talk, I'll be listening, and at six o'clock radio drama returns to KCRW for four hours followed by Tricia Haller and at ten o'clock with Brave New World All that coming up here on KCRW Santa Monica, a community service of Santa Monica, college at 89.9 FM National Public Radio for most of Southern California Time for late Here's a good idea to read rules daily, ladies and gentlemen, I recommend it for your personal life It centers you, don't you know, in 15 seconds it will be 10 a.m. as Julie flees the scene, that's time for the show So ladies and gentlemen, just to review here, just to go over some things We've all read about the period we read or heard tell about the period before and during the Second World War and wondered

How could those people not know and if they knew how could they not do something? Today we have satellite television and 24 hour cable and digital this and digital that and yet Lawrence Eagle burger And boy, I could go for one of those right about now Lawrence Eagle burger yesterday on CNN explained why the United States is planning to send troops to get food to the starving people in Somalia But at the moment not willing to do something to stop the slaughter of the Muslims in Bosnia He said it's too hard to go into Bosnia so now we know finally after almost the conclusion of the Bush administration what our core value is Do the easy ones, let's do the easy ones Panama, Kuwait, Wambam, thank you Saddam

So he did say you know if they go if if this starts in Kosovo then they got trouble because then you know the Romanian is getting involved But could we be the people that are just standing by watching this happen going we didn't really know we had our minds on the NFL? Nah, happy weekend after Thanksgiving everyone, welcome to the show I went to the doctor and the doctor said boy your body is a temple it's not a toy fill up this paper cup and give it to the nurse Don't spill it now, I went to the doctor, doctor said friend, this should be the middle but it could be the end

You better get better, else you gonna get worse I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor and the doctor said sir we got back the X-ray, everything's a blur But it's all positive, that's what every single test shows I went to the doctor, doctor said kid, it was something that you ate a prank and something that you did and it's all in your head Spreading all down to your toes, spread it around a little bit down

I went to the doctor, everybody does I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor and the doctor said please get on down to the drugstore and pick up some of these after that get on home and get into your bed I went to the doctor, doctor said shucks, that's just about all, you owe me 300 bucks and you can call me in the morning, that is if you're not dead

2-3-4, I went to the doctor, I was checking up on you I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor and the doctor said please get on down to the drugstore and pick up some of these after that get on down to the drugstore

I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor and the doctor said please get on down to the drugstore and pick up some of these after that get on down to the drugstore I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor, I went to the doctor and the doctor said please get on down to the drugstore and pick up some of these after that get on down to the drugstore Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I feel lucky.

Yeah. No tropical depression, going to steal my sun away. I feel lucky today. Now 11 million later, I was sitting at the bar. I bought the house a double, and the waitress on the car. Dwight E.O. comes in the corner, trying to catch my eye. My love is right beside me with his hand upon my thigh. Oh, love the story is simple, but it's true. Hey, the stars, my life, but the numbers never do. I feel lucky. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I feel lucky, yeah. Hey Dwight, hey Lyon, boys, you don't have to fight.

Hot dog, I feel lucky tonight. I feel lucky. I feel lucky, yeah. Think I flip a coin, I'm a winner either way. And I feel lucky today. Let's go. Yeah.

Here lights you up high Oh that lights you up high No, no, no, no! My Lord, I say something that wasn't true I'm asking you, should I hold my life in me? My friends know what's in store How they hear, anyone Up in my veins, keep the floor Watch me walkin', walkin' up the door Believe me, I'll make it make it Notusave you, hey, now beg as free

That much is too, had all I could take Not me, than you You You You Hey Baby Oh, it's so weird Come make it, make it, make it, make it, make it like you I'll make it, make it like you, honey Uh-huh, uh-huh, no Because it's something that wasn't you I'm not giving you new şeyler We got one teammate

No, no, no, no I said something that wasn't cheap And let's give it a shot with a lot of energy My friend, know what to start I won't be here anymore I'm back my back, I'll clean the floor Watch me walkin', walkin' out the yard Watch me walk me, who's dead? Watch me walk me, yes I will Watch me walk me, I'll clean the floor Watch me walk me, I'll clean the floor Watch me walk me, I'll clean the floor Watch me walk me, I'll clean the floor

Watch me walk me, I'll clean the floor Wazing loud Hover soldier Hover soldier Hover soldier Hover soldier Hover soldier Hover soldier Hover soldier The answer to the rhetorical question just as, of course, is yeah, I'm in show business. Hello, welcome to the show. in Lusho business actually. So maybe I wouldn't lie to you quite as much. I am in receipt first of all ladies and gentlemen of a note. And I usually, you know, I don't read these because they're just two, two self-serving. I'm for self-service, but this is ridiculous.

The note says K-A-J-X in Aspen, Colorado is carrying Lusho, they call it to say, they love you. The only reason, of course, I bring that up is because we've got to be sure what kind of love that is now in Colorado. So let's check to make sure that's heterosexual, okay, before I accept their kind message. As if baseball didn't have enough trouble, now they got Marge shot. No, Marge is not Chick-Hern's wife has been wounded. No, no ladies and gentlemen, Marge shot is the woman's name. If you're not following baseball and if not, I know why not. She's the owner of the Cincinnati Reds and has been alleged to have been, have made racist comments, anti-Semitic and anti-black comments and baseball people. They're thinking about what to do.

It's like Bosnia, you know, it's not one of the easy ones. They gotta think about this a little bit. I would say, since baseball's not doing all that well in this country and all the sports here are trying to broaden their international horizons, she'd be the one to sort of open up the whole territory in Germany. See, when you got a lemon, peel it. Speaking of baseball, and you know I don't do that very often because I'd much rather speak about, oh, let's say the Los Angeles Lakers going up to the home of the frail blazers. But speaking of baseball, the, it looks like the entire community of St. Petersburg, Florida, is now preparing to sue one party or another in baseball over the failure of the San Francisco Giants to move to Florida. And it's so darn short-sighted, Florida, don't you know? First of all, the suing thing.

You know, the only people who make money in that are the lawyers, of course, that's who's suing, so who am I talking to? But there's really a win-win solution, I feel, to the whole thing. No, they're not gonna get the Giants for a while, but they could really almost do better. I don't know if you noticed when the last two expansion teams came into the NBA, the Timberwolves and whoever else they were. No, the Charlotte Hornets and the heat. There were four, actually, but in the magic. But the Timberwolves was the most conspicuous example of what I'm talking about. They must have made a mint selling t-shirts and caps with the logo of the team, years before a single Timberwolf took the court.

I'm serious, I mean, there were people walking around with Minnesota Timberwolves, t-shirts and caps, 18 months before the Timberwolves played their first game. You see where I'm going with this? Why do they ever have to play a game? Why don't the people in St. Pete just create a team and sell merchandise and enjoy all the good part of having a team without any of the hassle about worrying about them losing or having to build them a ballpark? It's the nicest thing I've ever done for Florida, ladies and gentlemen, today right now. We got Senator Bob Packwood, you've been following obviously this story, the sad tale of a man. I guess it can just be synopsized as a man packing too much wood. And for the, for the realist, you know, I thought that if there was one page that was sort of sacred, that was reserved for, I don't know, the more interesting celebrities,

the Piazzadoras, the Alan Thix, there was safe, it was the real estate, hot property, page. Imagine my shock and dismay, ladies and gentlemen, the noticed the lead item today. This was, I guess, the last place she needed to get ink, gotten it every place else. Madonna, pop music's wealthiest, woman with an estimated 1991 earning of 48 million has purchased a five million dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills. Actually needed this. Where's Piazzadoras supposed to get her publicity? If Madonna is in the realist, the singer actress blah, blah, blah. Since April the 34 year old pop siren has been testing the limits of overexposure. Yeah, right. That's why she's in this. Her new home, a nine story mansion built in the 1920s overlooking Hollywood was used by a well-known gangster as a gambling den during the 1930s. That's why she bought it.

Probably never even looked at the house. Ooh, gangster, yeah. It has nine bedrooms and six baths and nearly 8,000 square feet. Madonna owns another Hollywood Hills home that has two bed rooms in about 4500 square feet and a 1920s era six bedroom home in Miami, which it purchased in June for about four minutes. She nearly bought a bellair house about a year ago for eight million, but changed her mind. And here's a guy who hasn't gotten enough publicity lately. Greyhall, a Beverly Hills mansion built in 1909 has been sold to Mark Hughes, founder and president of Herbalife. So in case you've been selling that Herbalife stuff, you help Mark with that $20 million house. 22,000 square foot home known in its early days as the spawning house for its owner's sporting goods magnet, Sillsby Spalding. Hey, Sillsby, kick the ball this way. Was renovated for $10 million

in the style of an English country manor. The style of, I guess, the Queen's English country manor. The Queen's going to be 10 billion dollar queens going to be paying her taxes now. Okay. And from some magazine that is not even identified here, but seems to have the emphasis on plumbing, this from a listener, sends a page with a new invention. It's under the design innovation section of this plumbing manual or catalog or something. I don't know if you know about this, ladies and gentlemen. It bears the name of a famous missile from our past, but it's a new idea. It's the peacekeeper. Seat-actuated flush. Are you with me yet?

Designed to solve that age-old dispute over leaving the toilet seat up. Jesus, have they been like... Eve's dropping in my house. The peacekeeper system flushes the toilet when the user simply closes the lid. A desert road from Vegas to nowhere. Some place better than the way you'd be. A coffee machine that needs some fixing. And a little cafe just around the bed. I am calling you. A hot dry wind blows right through me.

The baby's crying and I can't see. But we both know a change is coming. Coming closer sweetly. I am calling you. I am calling you. I am calling you.

I am calling you. I am calling you. A desert road from Vegas to nowhere. Some place better than the way you'd be.

A coffee machine that needs some fixing. And a little cafe just around the bed. A hot dry wind blows right through me. The baby's crying and I can't see. And I can't feel a change is coming. Coming closer sweetly needs. I am calling you.

I am calling you. I am calling you. I have this strange desire to pay too much money to make a long distance call.

Now from the advertising page, ladies and gentlemen of the New York Times, keeping you up to date on the marketing of America's most deadly natural resource. According to a wave of new print advertisements, a filtered version of venerable Chesterfield cigarettes is being brought out by a here to for unknown outfit called the Chesterfield cigarette company in Durham, North Carolina. We take the time and trouble to do things right. The ads assert in a folksy fashion, reminiscent of nostalgic appeals for Jack Daniel's whiskey. The ads go on to say that Chesterfield shuns cheap filler tobacco and removes core stems even though other companies chop them up and put them back in. We reckon it flat out makes a better smoke the ads conclude, try them and let us know what you think.

Those hoping to do so had better not called direct resistance. There's no listing for a Chesterfield cigarette company in Durham. There is, however, a listing for the Ligate group. The senior vice president of marketing at Ligate acknowledges the gimmick to revive the faded brand of cigarettes. It's a nice little advertising humbly, if you will. Full corporate parentage, full corporate parentage is a common ploy in selling image-driven products. The Jack Daniel distillery and tiny Lynchburg Tennessee is actually owned by the giant Brown Forman corporation in Louisville, Kentucky. Yet Chesterfield's comeback bid goes beyond advertising its fanciful origins. Ligate is pursuing the strategy of selling the brand at full price, despite a strong countertrend toward discount cigarettes. About a year ago, Ligate determined discount brands were perhaps not the best strategy for financial growth.

So they resumed advertising, full price brands, and decided to introduce Chesterfield to be promoted as a higher quality product. After testing a number of trademarks, said his spokesman for the company, we found the idea was significantly enhanced by the Chesterfield name. Ross Sutherland, the executive creative director of the ad agency involved. It's good to have an executive creative director. He's an executive, and he's creative. This could be a success because of the concept of selling the Chesterfield brand as a quality product that, on paper, you could justify at a premium price. Smokers don't get many rewards today, he added. You can reward them with better value for the money.

That is to say, by charging them more. Yeah, we're not only killing, we kill him with kindness, and then we kill him. So, remember George Bush? There he was at the White House this week. This turkey must have said some prayers of his own, and we're going to grant him a special presidential pardon. And he's not talking about Casper Weinberger. Nope. He was talking about an actual turkey. But while George Bush was doing that, and deciding not to get into the Bosnian thing, because it's too hard. Bill Clinton was out here in California. Hello, Mr. President-elect. You can call in if you like. Let's give him the hotline number. No, let's not. He's out here, and he spent Friday, part of Friday, just before going to the Glendale, Galeria, and getting mobbed.

Just to help the retail thing. Spent a part of Friday visiting the man who's first year in office, he said now he clearly wants to emulate. I.E. R. R. Ronald Reagan. Weird as that may be. It gets weirder moments from now here on the show. Hello, is this been going on? Hello, is this been going on? Hello, is this been going on?

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