Le Show; 2018-12-23

From deep inside your audio device of choice, well it's either the eve of Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve it's own eve as you're hearing this or maybe if it's a podcast you're hearing it after Christmas. Man is this going to be a waste of time for you because this is the now all but traditional and it's the only thing that keeps it for big tradition is that I'm the only person who observes it. Traditional version of the show aired this time of year every year about this time. This time of year this year is I think especially poignant because as as we affect to celebrate a time of peace the nation's capitalist squirreling with among other things outrage at the prospect that some American troops are going to be withdrawn from areas of conflict. How dare

he? I mean not to say that he did it in the right way or using the processes that are supposed to be used but the principle of the thing is how dare he withdraw troops from war zones and in case you're thinking about the curds being left high and dry it ain't the first time we've done that to them this should teach him but this is a time to think about maybe not the best leadership in the world at this time of year it occurred to us here in New Orleans where it's this broadcast originates. Some time ago the one time mayor is now in jail in Texas. Texas is I think where he really wanted to be this certainly after the flooding here which is why we launched this Christmas

edition of the show with a song I wrote for the former mayor of New Orleans called it's Christmas wherever you are I ran hard to be the head of this town now something strange that I'm never around but Houston is nice and it's not all that fun and it's Christmas wherever you are New Orleans is great every once in a while to come in for an interview wave and smile but if I had to stay here I'd live in a bar and it's Christmas wherever you are holiday time brings the warmth and the cheer but time without want and a time without fear a time when I don't really need to be here my business pounds know my e-mail

the phone why I never had to feel all alone the city had made for my planes and my car and it's Christmas wherever you are holiday time brings the warmth and the cheer but time without want and a time without fear one more time when I don't really need to be here one of these days I'll move back to stay there we cramed on the skyline as it likely would send to then I'm content to be a bright distant star and it's Christmas wherever you are yes it's Christmas wherever you are we need no man it's hot

if he wasn't long be done slaying the blues and he could be to tell you but he got them shoes stuck off his heads and like if he had himself a place down in

Destro and and the only story life is from a store ball stand I would have to say that's a real good indicator that what we have is the Louisiana Santa riding through the number just a t-shirt on a Louisiana Santa well the last time I can do it then I'm down and I can fall through the I can't be called a miss by the name of me and we're skinning up and toss I can't be called a miss by the name of me and I can't be called a miss by the name of me

That's the kind of guy I want to see coming down my chin Yeah And maybe we'd have this a little breezy and a center Lying through the night with just a t-shirt Oh, a little breezy and a center Well then love, I know we're in a building Like a ball put on Oh, a breezy and a center Oh, a breezy and a center Oh, a breezy and a center Oh, a breezy and a center

Oh, a breezy and a center Oh, a breezy and a center This is Lesho, the Christmas edition mentioning poor leadership Takes me back to I think the first Christmas song I ever created for this program It was about this time of year in the late 1980s The head of Panama had just been deposed You're welcome And the streets were full of unrest The manual Noriega had not yet been captured by the United States He was our friend until he wasn't Much like Saddam Hussein Much like the Kurds And it was Christmas in Panama When you work with CIA

They don't care about what you say You can write your brain until you go gay And even turn out gay But when they pull the plug You cannot be slick or smug It's the end you're the demo's friend And then squash you like a bug So dream the dream With liberty Until it's sad, it's back Get us on track Who needs police unless you own our store Because it's Christmas in Panama When you want democracy It's very plain to see It's a gift from the colossus Across the Caribbean sea We'll keep our heads afloat Maybe eat some goat And if our luck can hold Before we get old

We might even get to vote If you're wanting Santa Claus Please hold your applause He's hiding too He doesn't want to give the yachts Anymore last straw But don't fret and don't you grieve And don't even try to leave Just wait to see the fireworks We have for New Year's Eve So dream the dream With liberty There's be more bread Because of all that's dead In fact, really I want to bring this for When it's Christmas in Panama He wasn't a leader Exactly, although he led us into A lot of trouble His name was Ahmed Chalabi

In the early 2000s He was a source Relied upon by Dick Cheney Star of a new movie And the rest of the folks in the Bush administration A source of information Of other sources That led us into the Iraq war And for a long time Promoted by the Bush administration As a probable new leader Of the new Iraq And the first time the Iraqis got a chance To weigh in on that In their first election In 2005 He and his party Got 0.35% of the vote Right about this time of year It's Christmas day Securities great As long as you don't mind Your head on a plate Electricity is rare

And nice job is rare It's a good day to share Just don't be The shareer The troops had their turkey The aroma lingers We still have purple ink on our fingers It's a bug that the Christmas Who knew what that meant Until Ahmad Chalabi got three tens upon Percent There is nothing sadder There are three-legged wallabies Unless it's Christmas with Ahmad Chalabi Janey came visiting Romsfield did too Bearing gifts of fine contracts New things To do Some gifts from Iran Also under the tree It's a good day to share Just be The shareer Lation divided Still in there Trust the man

Who'd hang his hopes With such care He's not sure He grasps the message They sent Ahmad Chalabi Three tens of one Percent What might the odds of a Joining in power be A perfect Christmas for Ahmad Chalabi Not even centers Returning his calls He wished for some luck To go along with his bones The eggs will skiddle It's too late to stay Our leaders will guide us The rest of The way They're more religious Than a Christmas Eve Mass Which may be why this wise man Is back on His ass Too late to devout

Newly different Like a fruitcake that's been Completely joked But civil war Only a strong man can prevent Even if he only got Three tens of one Percent So what might the odds of him Standing much taller me A comeback next Christmas For Ahmad Chalabi There was a time when O.J. Simpson Was in jail Serving time, not for that thing But for the other thing It's Christmas time for O.J. The bars make a merry climb He got matching fruit cakes From banter and from slang A fairer pudding from Ferman Prison food's grim enough And O.J. Sing's a jolly refrain The gomans got my stuff

The gomans got my stuff BING DONG BING BONG Tints along the Joshua tree It's Christmas time for O.J. Just like it ought to be Oh, it's Christmas time for O.J. His cellmates made a pact They'd make him sit on the football And then they'd watch him act The boardenies said a candy grand Smells like droppings from the graph And O.J. sings himself to sleep The gomans got my stuff The gomans got my stuff Who's a low face? I forgot to send a gift But you did return a broom Bob Shapiro gave a hand

Made gift a three-year-old legal zoom Bruno Malay sent some ugly ass shoes Prison food wears kind of rough And Santa Claus sings in O.J.'s dreams The gomans got your stuff The gomans got your stuff BING DONG BING BONG The high desert cooler is home It's Christmas time for O.J. Never no more to roam No, never no more to roam Well, it's Christmas time Yes, it's come again And my heart will break

As it must again All those faces from away back when So tonight I'll say Silent night for you I could run, I could hide away But what am I gonna do And this a chance to leave it all again Christmas Eve And my stomach churning We're getting up To my Christmas stocking Down the stairs And my family waiting there For me So I'll dress the tree And I'll light the bow Cause it makes me feel Like you're with me now And the smile will soften this Heavy brown And the dull icing

Silent night for you And I could run, I could hide away But what am I gonna do And this a chance to see All again Hanging off my plate Christmas cake And the world was so safe Miss you cards From our aunties too Made us love How they made us feel blue Everyone And their rightful place Is there With me Now it's Christmas time Yes it's come again And my heart will break As it must again But before I raise A glass with friends will

I'll sing A silent night for you Gonna do something To make you darling Nothing but me so tall

Nothing but high Yeah Been you three plus minutes too Man Love Gonna sing to man And not sister Never So many Oh Oh I know Like nothing Nothing To the way To you Each word needs no trauma We're too malibid Running through the sunlight Like a rugby

The sweet Gonna sing to man And he knows This sweet time No It's such a thing It's a blessing It's my It's my gift to you This gift It's my Oh This little song of mine I must deny The melody is just A champion of point

I'll give it this song And extra Man And But Gonna sing to man And he knows This sweet time And my heart One note's a drag Two and a half Two and a half I'm taking this song And I'm making Making me Like a vocal exercise And he knows This sweet time And he knows

This sweet time And that's my gift To you To you This sweet time And And That's my first Oh Oh Yep Oh Oh Wow Chprise It was during the mid-1990s that Sarajevo, the capital of Bosnia, Bosnia Herzegovina, thank you, in what used to be Yugoslavia, found itself subjected to the longest siege experienced by a capital city.

In the history of modern warfare, no they don't give plaques for that, and that occurred during a two-and-a-half year period, including at this time of year. Two hundred miles away from our city, former East Germans get Mercedes-Benz'd, here where the chattering used to be witted, we're occupied, getting ethnically cleansed. It's a Sarajevo Christmas, Christians and Muslims be of good cheer, there's no ghost

on the table, but fasting for Ramadan will be easy this year. Our enemies want our city divided, we haven't heard lately from our friends, isn't this how one world war started, isn't this how the century ends? We've got more sensual than NATO protection, elves would help more than the good old UN. It's a Sarajevo Christmas, Christians and Muslims be of good cheer, a manger would be

an improvement, but we've got peace to the fullest of the year. It was just about ten years ago that we entered this big financial meltdown that was solved only by bailing out the banks, you may remember that. You may be a bank, you may have been basking in the memory. We are now of course hearing rumblings from some financial analysts that the next recession

is just around the corner, which means this question now gains new relevance. I know bailout for Santa. It takes a gal to Applebees, Santa's dining dutch, Santa Claus can't get financing, he's caught in the credit crunch, he'll fit through a lot more chimneys because the big guy's skipping lunch, why not a bailout for Santa? He feels supremely subprime, maybe JP Morgan will buy you, he's running out of time,

here grasping at straws, at the house of claws, the children are getting black and white cards instead of dolls and toys, and if Santa's not careful they'll be I'll use for the sweet little girls and boys. The urmins been trimmed off his colors, replaced with cheap plastic foam, the north poles warming up anyway, it's no place like home, Santa Claus can't get financing, bankruptcies looking good, it's loose change that he believes in, as he flies through your neighbor's

door. Why not a bailout for Santa? He feels supremely subprime, maybe JP Morgan will buy you, he's running out of time, how about a bailout for Santa? A few billion should do the trick, put away your hangi, email Bernanke, let the fed take over Saint Nick, let the fed take over Saint Nick. The trouble started when we started to talk, my husband Joseph and me went for a walk,

he saw my belly and broke out in a sweat, he said, how can you be pregnant, I ain't touch you yet. I like to think I'm not the gullible type, don't go for male exaggeration or height, so when I tell you this it's gonna sound odd, what do you think, then I'm a portal for the son of God, how can this thing get in me, only God knows if I haven't been with Joseph, but apparently that's the guarantee, so how does this thing get in me? I'm educated as a shepherd's wife, get this, I know where babies come from, I got pets and Joseph spends all his time with the sheep, but you know, I'm told that's a cliche. I don't remember no romantic date, so now I'm thinking it was something I ate, I am a virgin and that ain't no joke, what you said, you know I think my holy water just broke. How can this thing get in me, only God knows if I haven't been with Joseph, but apparently

that's the guarantee, so how does this thing get in me? I know, when I was a little girl, my mother said to me, Mary, if you play with those boys you're gonna get trouble, when do I get to play with the boys, back at the stable now I'm starting to push, the cats all are lowing and there's hay in my tush, they give me frankincense and bones to murder, but you know a good ol' different duels when I seriously prefer, I go and make up more incredible things, this is a trio of the holiest kings, and I believe it's because I'm told that they're wise, because they say that there's a miracle just murder by the light. How can this thing get in me, only God knows if I haven't been with Joseph, but apparently that's the guarantee, and this quite good behavior, I'm carrying a savior all along with the vanity,

so how does this thing get in me? You know, occasionally this time of year, my friends will say to me, Mr. Willard, and they call me Mr. Willard, because most of them of all fell a little uncomfortable around me, they'll say, what is the true story of Christmas, and I said, come on, everyone knows it, and I know we've heard it a thousand times, but I think this is the time and the place, TJ, I think you're right on cue there. So bear with me for the thousands and one first time, and it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed, and Caesar's wife, the evil queen, spent her days shopping and looking in the mirror, saying, mirror, mirror on the wall,

who's the fairest one of all? One day the mirror answered, it's your stepdaughter, the beautiful, made Marion. The queen decreed that a hunter should take Marion out into the woods and cut out her heart, but Marion escaped and a handsome prince found her slipper and followed her. He found her in a manger in Bethlehem, doing the only work she could do, scrubbing floors, and taking care of a baby boy child named Jesus. But whose baby was it? Nobody knew. So, I know you've heard it all, but just you. So the prince and Marion and Jesus went to live in the prince's castle and be happy ever after, but the wicked queen kept searching for them in December 7th, a day that will live in infamy. She captured Marion and Jesus and hid them in a cave.

She left them one candle with enough oil to last for only seven days. This was called the dreidel. While everyone went crazy, the birds were flying all over the place and the Japanese were fighting the Germans, and the Germans were fighting the Russians and Marion's little friends, grumpy and snazzy and groucho. Went to sand his kingdom in the north pole to get him to help. They thought he was dead, but a kiss from grumpy, grumpy awoke him. And it came to pass that Santa called out some reindeer and together, Dasha and dancer and Donda and Blitzen, snazzy and grumpy and groucho and Vixen flew to Bethlehem to try to save them, but low they couldn't find the cave. And you know how the where this goes. If you want to say it with me, please feel free.

And it came to pass that groucho's brother Zeppo had become an agent, and enlisted the aid of Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer to lead them. Now a star shown in the east and the shepherds were sore and afraid. And Franklin Roosevelt, a great man, calmed them saying, we have nothing to fear, but fear itself. They found three wise men and bribed them with gold and Frank's incense, and Murr, which is a drink of milk and honey, like mead, and the wise men pointed to where Jesus and mead Marion were trapped. Well together they huffed and they puffed and they rolled away the stone. And many people don't believe this, but you have to believe. They rolled away the stone, blocking the entrance and saved them. And the baby Jesus came out and saw his own shadow.

I know you've heard it a million times, but and he proclaimed there would be six more weeks of winter, and and to this day that's why the baseball season doesn't start until April. And the seven dwarfs chased the wicked queen back to her castle, and Cupid shot her with an arrow, and she was filled with love and realized that being the second best looking woman in the world wasn't all that bad. At least she believed she was the second best looking, and after all the mirror wasn't about to correct her. And Santa celebrated by going all over the world and giving out presents, and that's why we celebrate Christmas on December 25th. And Santa flew overhead to the North Pole, he was heard to cry, marry Christmas to all, and to all the good night. And everyone's heart from that day forward was filled with love. And that's why on the day after Christmas, department stores throw open their doors and offer great sales. It's a true story of Christmas, thank you.

Mr. Fred will odd people. Well, Panama is not the only place south of the border that Santa Claus gets to, of course. And there's a place that's been operating now for G, more than a decade, was supposed to have been closed, then was supposed to have been reopened, and filled with more people, bad guys, bad homebres. It just seems to exist in its own little world with its own little court system, despite all the waves of change that buffer us. And one of the few visitors that's allowed to enter those walls on the island of Cuba

is good old St. Nick. Got a new bar of soap shoved to the slot in his door. Somebody's driving got a coupon from Sachs and a gift card for lawyers to get him some more. The seagulls were filling a light blue sky, wild drones and choppers

flew lazily by the Cuban sun, showed so brightly that day when Santa Claus came to Guantanamo Bay, to Guantanamo Bay. The old man with dementia was overjumped, he opened his empty box first. The guards had removed ribbon and wrap from the worst, called the worst of the worst. They were fleeing pounded, moon dogs red nose, it set off all kinds of alarms. The party was running, 12 hours late on its scheduled departure from mid-western farms.

Castro was having a fortified drink, not really knowing what he should think, but what he should take, several hours to say when Santa Claus came to Guantanamo Bay, a special environment greeted the crew, it had to make Santa so proud, that on this one night heavy metal was gone, it was Carol's being played way too loud.

Jolly old fella brought a message of light, gifts are mightier than sword, but he couldn't resist, while he was there for the night, putting some elves on the waterboard. The seagulls were filling a light blue sky, one of drones and chopper is flew lazily by the Cuban sun, showing so brightly that day when Santa Claus came to Guantanamo Bay to Guantanamo Bay to Guantanamo Bay. And across the world there's another war going on, another place that at least were led to believe

President Trump is a desirous of withdrawing some troops from which there, the site of America's longest war, one of the major cities, and I said major cities, yes, there is Canada. We've still got Khakani for one day maybe it's okay to be Afghani, the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, with the only place to hang anything there, the gift has been given, the Taliban beaten, no rain deers will visit, they know they'll be beaten, we've made such progress, we've come so far, now it's Christmas and kind of fun.

We fought side by side with those Becky and Toka, we've shaved off the beard and thrown off the burger, it's so reassuring as we sit home alone to hear right above us a predator through. Santa's close to his list, the land where we dwell, we've been northy this year, and must live as well. John Kerry came up in an armored car, must be Christmas and kind of fun. We've mastered the art of dreaming the dream, we've covered it with a fine coat of explosive debris,

there's no way to drive, and no way to call, there's no stuff in the stores, there aren't any stores, and there isn't a moon, there's no little ends, and no Charlie Brown, just 4000 marines out of the town. I get the holiday fever now, every time you walk by my house, yeah, if I'm in a lower cold from this turn in the weather,

if Santa asks me for what I wish, I'd point to you and say hello to you, I'd been a real good boy, do you think we could get together? God, to get you under my tree, my body, my trip, must be, come not to be swaying with me, God, to get you under my tree, I'm under my tree, now you can tell I've been not in you, and I can see you then I need to, and let's celebrate, that you're tired of getting and giving, there will spike, the egg not done, there's a season right here, and we are gonna raise a glass and toast to loving and living,

God, to get you under my tree, God, to get you under my tree, what I wish, I'd point to you and say hello to you and I can see you then I need to, and let's celebrate, that you're tired of getting and giving, there will spike, the egg not done, there's a season right here,

and let's celebrate, that you're tired of getting and giving, there will spike, the egg not done, there's a season right here, and let's celebrate, that you're tired of getting and giving, there will spike, the egg not done, there's a season right here, there will spike, the egg not done, there's a season right here, and let's celebrate, that you're tired of getting and giving,

during this show you've heard from Amy Engelhart, Judith Owen, Sonny Landruth, Wade Tubes, contributing, and Fred Willard of course, contributing, their Christmas efforts, and now finally, this year, are, it seems like a long time ago, that's a cliche now, but it was only beginning of October, remember way back then, when the country was momentarily transfixed by a set of hearings involving a nominee to be, and eventually did become our newest Supreme Court justice, gentlemen by the name of, what Brett Kavanaugh, unless you read his best friends, Romana Clef of their college days together, where he was cleverly disguised as Bart Kavanaugh, but we'll call him Brett, and it was a controversial set of hearings,

a controversial testimony, by both now Justice Kavanaugh and another witness, and it seemed to me that there was only one part left out, which was his memories of Christmas time. I don't remember Christmas, during my youthful years, oh, I recall some gifts, some laughter too, I know I remember the beers, I liked beers, the guys and I would sing carols, so loud it could cover the screams, but I don't remember Christmas,

except for in my dreams, I don't remember Christmas, I know it sounds strange to say, I never really fully blacked out, but I browned out for much of the day, now every thing's nice at new years, the girls like beers, so it seems I still like beers, but I don't remember Christmas, except for in my dreams, I'm wearing a robe, this Christmas, at home, and on the job,

I might hoist a beer while still be robed, just to spite the mob, I still like beers, I'm not looking forward to Christmas, I'll be part of so many memes, but I hope I remember this Christmas, because I've stopped remembering my dreams. I know it sounds strange to say, I never really fully blacked out,

but I don't remember Christmas, except for in my dreams, I know it sounds strange to say, I never fully blacked out, but I don't remember Christmas, except for in my dreams, but I don't remember Christmas, except for in my dreams, edition of the show, program, it turns, wow, next week, same time on radio and whenever you want it, on your audio device of choice, maybe you've got a new audio device, this holiday season, wouldn't that be fun, and it'd be just like getting a new audio device if you'd agreed to join with me then,

maybe a smart speaker, I like to turn on the thing you don't know how to find, but it would be like that if you agreed to join with me then, would you already, thank you very much, uh-huh. I'm seeing a new dad band starting in the new year, if people recently freed from the duties in the administration,

the adults in the room look for them to tour this summer, a typical show shop out of the San Diego Pittsburgh Chicago and Hawaii desks, thanks as always to Pam Halstid, and to Jenny Lawson, the WWN, and on New Orleans for help with today's program, the email address for this broadcast, a playlist of the music heard here on, and your chance to get cars eye-talk t-shirts, just in time for Martin Luther King Day, all at harryshirror.com, and oh yes, I'm on Twitter at the harryshirror. The show comes to you from Century of Progress productions and originates

through the facilities of WWN on New Orleans, Flagship Station of the Change is Easy Radio, so on from New Orleans.