NET Playhouse; Ofoeti. Part 2; 36; 11

National Educational Television presents any T. Playhouse. The House of Houses Once there was a boy, his name was Paul. P-A-U-L. Paul. P-A-U-L. P-A-U-L. P-A-U-L.

P-A-U-L. P-A-U-L. P-A-U-L. P-A-U-L. P-A-U-L. He had a mother? A father?

And a dog? When he was much younger and had just learned to read, Paul read a story about a troll. He loved the story. And even though he was much older now, the idea that trolls existed, persisted. The troll in the story lived underneath the bridge. And when a passerby came walking across the bridge, the troll would eat him up. The idea of being eaten by a troll was frightening. And it didn't help in the least for Paul's mother to tell him that there were no such beings as trolls anywhere on earth. So one day, Paul decided that the only thing to do was to set out and find out once and for all about the realness of trolls. Deep in his heart, he hoped that such a being as a troll really did exist.

Because except for the impoliteness of eating people, he liked the whole idea of there being trolls. He didn't know why, but he did. And there was something about the sound of the word. A soft, lovely, rolling sound that pleased the boy tremendously. And so Paul left his home and his dog and his mother and father, whom he really did love, even though they never seemed to be interested in important or exciting things, and began his search for a troll. Music Music

Music And then Paul remembered something very important about tropes. Music Music

Music Music Music

Although he searched and shouted, shouted and searched, Paul could not find a single troll. But he went on, slowly now, for he was tired, and to tell the truth a little discouraged. Music Taking your pardon, sir, a boy is standing directly in front of the limousine. Shall I wait until he removes himself, or shall I run him down? Wait until he gets out of our way. We want no more repair bill. Yes, sir.

Music Hello! The boy has said hello to the answer by no means. Hello! Before you speak to us, you must secure an appointment. Is it a matter of importance? Oh, yes, very important. Then you may try to make an appointment. Well, thank you, sir, but you see, I don't know how to make an appointment. I've never had a tour before. All you do is tell us when you want to speak to us. Let's see. We have a minute and a half open on next Thursday at 1.47pm, and a three minutes on Monday the 14th. That's a week from this coming Friday at 8.32am, unless you want to wait until sometime early next month.

Oh, no, I couldn't do that. I couldn't wait until next week. You see, I've got to talk to you right now. It's not possible. Those are the only appointments we have open. Personally, we'd advise you to grab that Monday the 14th at 8.32pm. You have a full three minutes, then. Otherwise, we're sorry. Well, I guess we'll just have to go on looking. You see, all I want to ask you, if you ever come across a bridge with a troll living underneath it. Oh, what? A troll, sir. It's too bad. If only you had an appointment you'd be able to ask us. Of course, it wouldn't do you much good, because we've never seen or heard of such a bridge anywhere. You see, we're in the bridge business. Right now, we own approximately half of all the bridges in the world. We're busy buying up the other. No, no, no, boy, you mustn't.

Thank you. See that the boy gets a reward. Anything he wants, mind you, anything at all. And be sure to tell him that we like, you know, we love people, especially boys. Thank you, sir. Do you want to do it? Not to me, to the secretary. Always work through the secretary. See that this boy gets a, what did he say he wanted? If you promised not to laugh. I never laugh. I want a troll, sir. No, no, no, not to me. To him, then he tells me. And always work through the secretary. Believe me, boys who refuse to work through the secretary come to bad ends. I'm sorry, sir. I want a troll. Not yet, boy. We still haven't asked you.

Now, then, what did you say you wanted? I want a troll, sir. I want a troll. Ask the boy to step into the car. Step into the car. What did you say you wanted? A troll, sir. A troll. Yes, sir. The boy says he wants a troll, sir. Fine, fine. See that he's given a troll right away. Yes, sir, but I don't believe we have a troll. Then get one. That's what I pay you for to get what we don't already have. Co-phothington, phothington, phothington and lump.

Have them locate a troll and quote your price. Yes, sir. Operator. Connect me with phothington, phothington, phothington and lump. Hello, J.C. phothington. Oh, B.L. phothington. P.K. phothington. Well, I suppose we have to. Why must it always be him? Hello. This is consolidated enterprises company, Incorporated Limited. Yes, we're looking for a particular item. Oh, you will. Good. A troll. A troll. T-R-O-L-L. That's what we said about a troll. Well, have you looked in the market, Indian? All right, but be quick about it. I see the trip notice my map. Yes, sir. Do you know what each of those lights represents? A bridge?

How did you know? We all have the bridges in the world. And pretty soon. We're sorry, sir. A lump is having difficulty locating one. But we feel certain he'll be able to get his hands on one. If there is any such item as a troll, in the face of the earth, now we can depend on Luma. Would you like to see some of my favorite bridges? Yes. Oh, I would do this for you. Oh, this one too. This next one, boy, is my favorite. There must be a troll under one of your bridges. What? Not a single one. You did. Well, we can't help feeling you've let us down, Luma. Yes, we're sorry, too. We make no promises. Our future relations with you depend upon your ability to produce. Remember, there's always gelt, gelt, gelt, gelt. You did. Well, we can't help feeling you've let us down, Luma.

Yes, we're sorry, too. Gelt, gelt, gelt, gelt, gelt, and hustle, Luma. Goodbye. We're sorry to have to report, sir, that Luma has not seen one on the market for at least a hundred years or so. All of which forces us to conclude that there is no such thing as a troll on the face of the earth. Right, right, right, right, right, right. The troll, whatever that was, simply proved to be of no use in the modern world. Tell the boy I'm sorry. I wouldn't want to give him something that was of no use anyhow. Tell him to ask for something else. You might suggest a bridge where you practically corner the bridge market and can easily spare. Yes, yes, yes. Boy, I'm sorry, we can't provide you with the troll. You wouldn't want to own something that was of no use anyhow. Oh, but I would, sir. I don't care how those uses of trolls. A troll is just what I want.

So why don't you ask for something else? A bridge that, to own a piece of property, is the most fortunate thing that can happen to any boy. No, sir, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to own a bridge unless there's a troll living underneath it. I'm sorry to interrupt you again, sir, but the boy will not take a bridge without a troll. What's that? Well, take a bridge. A very headstrong boy, sir. We recommend we wash our hands at him. Quite right, quite right. A boy who shows no interest in a bridge has no promise. Tell the show for to drive on. We must locate that bridge where the rainbow ends and the particle gold is buried if you know what I mean. Inform the boy that if he should ever change his mind and decide to make something of himself in life, he need only ask us and he shall have his bridge. Yes. If you ever change your mind, boy, and get some sense, let us know. And we'll see that you're given a bridge to begin to make your fortune. Thank you very much, sir, and thank him, too.

But I'm sure I wouldn't want to own a bridge unless there's a troll living underneath it. Our frank advice to you, boy, is to get your feet on the ground and your hands on some property. Remember, keep your eyes open for any bridges we don't own, especially when you know the one. Yes, sir. Drive on. Why don't you look where I'm going? I'm awfully sorry, sir. Sorry? Every fool's sorry after the damage in Star Wars. Why aren't you in school, boy?

Because they're Sunday. I only go to school during the week. It's Sunday? I think so. Very poor excuse. Can't you see that if you had been in school, you never would have knocked over my portable library. No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Prove by your own admission a foolproof argument. Excuse me, a minute, boy, while I write that down. No. You see, I'm always bumping into people. If I just had that argument, I'd... Oh, excuse me, sir, but is this what you're looking for? Oh, yes. Thank you, my boy. Now, I'll just write that down. Well, dear, I seem not to have a pencil. I know I put one in one of these pockets. Excuse me, sir, but those are my pockets you're looking in. I'm not yours. Oh, so they are.

How did your pockets get on me? Well, they didn't, sir. These are my pockets on me, and that's your pocket on you. Well, so it is. You're a clever boy. Pencil, pencil. Excuse me again, sir, but is this what you're looking for? Oh, yes, to be sure. I have a metaboy as smart as you and many a day. Now, I'll just write that down. I've gone and forgotten it. A brilliant idea lost to mankind forever. Oh, dear me. You said if you had been in school, you never would have knocked over my portable library. A full proof argument. A proof argument. Bless you, my boy. I can see you have a head on your shoulders. You have a magnificent future ahead of you. I didn't return for the kindness you've just done me.

You may ask me any question you like about anything in the world. You see, my boy. I'm the wisest man in the world. Yes, well, he's books with all their wisdom. Mine, all mine. Are you trying to fool me? I never fool, boy. So think hard. I don't have to think hard at all, sir. I already know what I want to know. Don't be hasty or foolish. Remember, just one question. That's all I can spare the time for. I'm working on a very important project. All I want to know is... You are the most fortunate boy indeed. You're not every young man I run into. That is not every young man that runs into me. No. Not every young man I stumble over. No. Well, not every young man that stumbles over me... Well, for goodness' sake, boy. Aren't you ready with that question yet? Yes, sir. I've been ready a long time.

All I want to know is where in the world can I find a troll? Find a troll in the world, right? Good question, man. I'm right. Thank you, sir. No, don't, don't thank me. You deserve at least part of the credit. See you. Hey, wait. Down into my question. Oh, dear. And I neglect to answer your question. Well, you see, my boy. I have so much on my mind that it's so very important. The answer is simple. All you have to do is look in the proper classification in the proper book. A troll.

Of course. And... Oh, thank you. Procto... Actinian. What was that again, boy? A troll. Certainly. Proflamion. A troll, you said? Yes, sir, a troll. Procto-trophic. Oh. Yes. Pro-trophic. I see it. Oh. Oh, a protractor. Protractor? Why you can't find anything about trolls by looking at a protractor?

Why everybody knows that? Why are you not going to troll? I'm the troll, of course. You're a type of boy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Two. Two. What did you say the first letter of troll is? T-Troll. T-R. O. L. L. Everybody knows how to spell troll. To be sure, to be sure. Oh, here it is. Troll. You see what you can do, my boy, when you know how to use your tools? I'm so glad. Quick, come what it says. Troll. The monster said to inhabit inland waters. Oh, that's all.

That's all. But it didn't answer my question. I said, where on earth can I find a troll that lives underneath a bridge? The answer is as plain as you know is on my face. I mean, my face on your face on... Trolls are mythical. Which means not real. And they inhabit water, which is not earth. So it must be perfectly clear, even to a silly boy like you, the trolls do not exist anywhere in the world. Can you see now why it pays to be wise? My advice to you, boy, is forget all this mythical notions of yours. Get yourself a something that you can touch with your hands. Keep knowledge at your fingertips. Then you'll be moving in the right direction. That's getting cold.

Oh, yeah. It looks as though it might snow. At this time of the year it only snows on politicians and police. See ya. Hey, wait! You forgot to answer my question! We pause now for station identification. This is NET, the National Educational Television Network. You