Leo Buscaglia: Teach Love

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Incorporated and Republic Financial Services Incorporated A lecture by Dr. Leo Buscalia from McFarlane Auditorium on the campus of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas I really want to thank you on behalf of the channel 13 and myself for being here tonight because for me this is an extremely exciting occasion

I just wish that I could be right there in the middle of you and I wish that I could tell you about Texas hospitality You already know about it but to me a lot of it is new and very exciting and I have a suitcase with you with all kinds of fantastic letters that are invitations not just to sit here and talk at you or with you but come home and meet mama That's the greatest invitation you know we have a grandma that's out of sight will you please come after you see our speech or would you hold the baby we'd love you to hold the baby he's brand new and wonderful and we'd like you to experience him too Everybody knows that no one ever sends me money They always know that the greatest gift for me is a warm a barato or a kiss or an invitation to come home and have some pasta

And so tonight I really am pleased more than you know to be with you and to get into what we're going to talk about the first thing I've got to do is strip for action You know I only wear these things because they sort of make me feel like I'm respectable I don't know why I have to feel respectable But anyway I feel respectable and then I take them off and I stop being respectable and then we can communicate I want to tell you an interesting thing that happened some of you know that during Valentine's Day which has just passed I somehow become a national hero And it's really a wonderful thing to be associated with love and so I'm not complaining but I get calls from all over the country asking for time for rap shows and newspaper interviews And magazine people come in and interview me for one day a year I become a hero and I love it It's fine to be associated with with Valentine's Day

It makes me sorry though that we have to set aside a day to remind everybody to love each other It's sort of like setting aside Mother's Day You know every day should be Mother's Day, every day should be Sister's Day, Brothers Day, Grandma's Day, Uncle Louise Day I mean I don't know why we have to set aside these times but I guess it's good occasionally to be reminded And I get a big kick out of watching people's responses to Valentine's Day and we have a big shopping center near my house And I went there to buy a couple of cards for some of my secretaries and so on and I wanted them to be really special And I was spending a lot of time there but I was also watching human behavior And I saw a man come charging in you know to this beautiful stand that was full of little red hearts And all kinds of smiling things and signs that said love and everything And he started looking through these things like he was going crazy you know And he kept saying damn it He was buying a heart for his wife You know and I said to him while he was going through it he says isn't this a hang up

What do we have to do this for? And I said well why do you do it? He said what do you mean why do I do it? If I don't do it she'll kill me A few minutes later a very young lady came in and I smiled at her and she smiled at me And I said happy Valentine's Day And we were just having this thing and she said you know what I'm doing here you won't believe it My boss sent me here to buy a Valentine for his wife And she said boy I tell you if my husband did that I kill him Here we were standing among hearts and we heard about two murders in just five minutes And all of a sudden it occurred to me of why I go around talking about choose love and choose life Which is what I wanted to talk to you about this evening I know as a teacher you know that besides all my running all over the country and all the crazy things I do I'm basically a teacher and I'm happy to be that more than anything else in the world And I have learned a long long time ago that nobody has ever taught anything to anybody

That's an ego trip I can be the wisest man in the world And tell you all that I know but if you don't want to know it it's sensational You do not learn it I know that because I'm constantly yelling and screaming at my students And I know that they have the power to look and throw You know they look at me like oh man are you interesting? But nothing's happening you know it's going in it's getting down on the paper But I know that they're thinking about what do I wear tonight and so on and so forth To just toss out this information is one thing for learning to go on as a decision that you make I can't make it for you So we don't learn this way We learn most and Bandura at Stanford who's doing all the wonderful research now in learning Is telling us again and again we learn from modeling

We don't learn from being told we learn from watching observing and picking it up That's the way we learn it's sort of a discovery process And then it bothers me because I think we are demanding that our kids learn love Learn responsibility, learn joy of life and we don't have too many models We have people screaming over hearts sending secretaries out to buy their wives valentines You know I don't know how many of you watch I hope you're not watching too much of other things Public television but if you watch commercial television you've probably seen that add really bothers me It's this commercial thing about don't forget your parents on Mother's Day or something like that And it is a service where all you have to do is call in And they send they pick a gift and send it to your parents in Iowa And then they show these two lovely old people and the doorbell rings

And they run to the door and pick up this gift that's been picked by some creep That's not a gift better you keep it I hate to read statistics like these in a recent metal health survey only 20% of those people in America who were interviewed said that they enjoyed life and were happy 20% one out of every seven of us is going to require psychotherapeutic help before we get to the age of 60 One out of every three marriages will end in divorce and they say that before the year 2000 it's going to be one out of every other one one out of every two I just learned a statistic that really blew me out 60 million volume prescriptions are given every year in the United States

Those of you who don't know what value is good I'm not going to tell you It's better that you don't know But you know when we are this kind of a model what do we expect the people in our environment especially the children that we're working with to pick up You know I don't know how many of you know Fred Moffett but he is very much involved in education And he wrote a little thing called how children learn and he says this Thus a child learns by wiggling skills through his fingers and toes into himself by soaking up habits and attitudes of those around him Day by day the child comes to know a little bit more about what you know to think a little bit more about what you think to understand your understanding That which you dream and believe and are in truth becomes your children

As you perceive dully or clearly as you think fuzzily or sharply as you behave foolishly or wisely and I love this as you dream drably or goldenly You bet As you bear false witness or tell the truth thus your child learns You know people are always saying you were so lucky growing up in that home that you grew up in And you know I smile when they say that it's true I was lucky I had an incredible wonderful papa and an insane mama She was outrageous she always brought joy and music and beauty and understanding into our home Papa was very serious mama balanced him off all the time she would do things that were outrageous There were times when he came home and he said you know I don't know where we're going to eat the next day

She says don't worry we'll find a way to eat he came home the next day incredible dinner on the table What's this you know so I sold a little ring The time for happiness is now sit down and eat and shut up You know I was learning all this time I didn't know that this woman was so amazing No one ever stopped to tell me those things but I learned I learned pride You know we were very very poor some of you understand that and that isn't everything All of the money that we have cannot buy what I had but I remember one very cold day my mother said you have to wear a coat I didn't have a coat and she insisted that I wear my sister's coat Well you know as a little bambino that's a trauma I don't want I'd rather freeze the death Shut up she was a really good non directive counselor

Put the coat on and be grateful to God that you have a coat to keep you warm You know one of those coats with a little fur and the buttons that were on the wrong side And so Felice goes to school you know and she says be full of pride Wear it with pride there are people that don't have a coat She didn't succeed I was embarrassed but in retrospect I now understand pride But those are the way and those are the things that cause us to become what we are We don't recognize that we learn in those interactions they're wonderful I remember I was a really skinny little boy and I OPE was my nightmare of the day I was so uncoordinated I never learned how to throw a ball I had real skinny little pindly legs

You know and long gangly arms big eyes that's all you could see And I would get in PE class and you know you'd have to dress in those shorts There were three sizes too big because mama was smart You'll outgrow them so get the big ones So there I was in these great big things with this thing hanging way down around my knees Disappeared just two eyeballs in PE class That's why I'm standing there in line with all of these guys And there's the big macho guy over here and he is going to be the team leader And the other big macho guy over here is going to be the team leader I start choosing remember that I pick you big guy walks out there I pick you And the line is dwindling you know and you begin to pray and you say dear God Make somebody pick me don't let me be last every time last I remember that was me and a beautiful incredible fat Jewish boy

The day go and the Jew always the last two And then and then after you got up there you know these guys that be swinging and knocking these balls all over the place And you get up there with the bat and you'd say you're a little prayer you know You'd say just once God let me connect right out of the field never But you know what was I learning about myself? I was learning that I was inadequate that I couldn't do those things You know I was almost 17 years old before somebody said to me you can throw a ball what's the matter with you? It's an easy skill let me show you how to do it And I wonder why didn't they do that back then? So many years of agony and despair, abhorring my body I had a neat body it was just skinny Now I have a neat body it's just fat

I love it But you know we teach our kids every day without knowing that we're doing it I see I hear mama standing in supermarkets with the little kid there holding on to her finger And she's saying now this is the dumb one You know now his sister, she's the smart one but he's the dumb one It's all right because he's cute Well you know what is he learning? Well he's learning that he's cute But he's also learning that he's dumb I work with kids all the time you know that that's my life And again and again I hear I can't do that I'm dumb And I say who told you you're dumb? My teacher? Who? I'd like to get hold of her I'd like to introduce her to my favorite teacher of all time Who I always write about and if you ever find her anywhere Tell me I'll fly to Nepal to give her a hug Marvelous Miss Hunt for her nobody was ever dumb

Everyone had a uniqueness that was totally theirs And she knew it because she weighed 300 pounds All unique, all caring, all loving, all encompassing Oh when Miss Hunt hugged you and you disappeared in her You would learn anything for her anytime And so you know that's the sad part about is that we are every day being models for children And the question I keep asking is what kind of a model are you? And how can we demand that children become lovers when they don't see too many of them? How can we demand that they be responsible and caring and concerned when they have no models for concern and caring and love? And what they learn is what they're going to practice And it's what we're going to get because it's going to be part of us year after year after year

So I thought tonight I would love to talk to you about some of the things that we may want to teach children And in order to do that we must forget this and say I want to be the model I want to teach life I'm so amazed when I read statistics like only 20% of the population in America would choose life And so many people who say to me again and again I didn't ask to be born What a pity when there's so much I can't ever take anything for granted I go crazy I live so intensely because there's so much to know and to see and to do and to taste and to chew Especially to chew Does it ever show you how naive I really am has it ever occurred to you? Aren't you amazed that carrots taste like carrots and radishes taste like radishes?

And then if we mix them together and make some side of a goulash we can get a third taste I'm astounded by things like that I was in Albany recently and I'd come from like 82 degrees into minus 15 And everyone kept saying oh you poor thing I said what are you talking about look it's snowing and there's ice on the ground and I don't see this all the time I want to celebrate the weather You know then they were convinced it's at cookie bascalia again You know but like I always love to say being called cookie bascalia means I have a lot of leeway for behavior And that means I can be cookie and happy and you can be so damn smart and miserable But you know one of the first things that we must teach children and we can't teach it unless we believe it ourselves Is that each of you is a holy thing

I'm odd when I look at an audience or meet people The goal mind of you The very fact that I look at you and see all these incredible faces Sparkling eyes and red hair and yellow hair and brown hair and no hair And just to look at an audience the size of this one and to say that there are no two of you alike is awesome And you know what that tells me? It tells me that you are different for a reason It isn't an accident there aren't any accidents Each of you has something to do on the face of this globe But each of you has something to say get in touch with it and do it And then you know what life is all about And we need to tell children early that this is so You know I remember being very moved by a book I read many many years ago in a comparative lit class Some of you may have read it, some of you may have not But Dostoevsky is the idiot

And in it there is this marvelous prince who is very naive And he believes that everybody is full of love and he tries to share all of his goodness and he has epileptic seizures And every time he has an epileptic seizure after the seizure he gains an enormous insight Everything just sort of fits together for him And toward the end of the book when things are beginning to really scramble in his mind He has an epileptic seizure and when he comes out of it he's weeping bitterly And he says why don't we tell the children? You know why do we protect children from life? It's no wonder that we're afraid to live It's because most of us are born in walled rose gardens And we're not told what life really is We're not told that life is joy and wonder and magic and even rapture If you can get involved enough We're not told that life is also pain, misery, despair, unhappiness and tears

But I don't know about you, I don't want to miss any of it I want to embrace life and I want to find out what it's all about I wouldn't want to go through life without knowing what it is to cry That's why I have lacrimal ducks If I didn't, if I wasn't meant to cry, I wouldn't have them It's all right to cry a little bit I always find the tears clear my eyes They save a lot of money, I don't need murine But you know, so many times we treat each other As if we're not even there, we have no worth at all I love the work of Martin Boober And especially his concept of I and Thou He says each of us is a Thou And when we're interacting with each other we must interact as if we are holy things

Because indeed we are, special and unique So when I'm interacting with you, you are Thou But he says so often we interact with each other on the basis of I and it Sometimes don't you feel incredible about being treated like an it? I am never reticent to shout out, scream it, I'm not an it By me, I'm Felice Leonardo Buscaglia, one of a kind Don't look through me, I have a sense of dignity But you know as long as we deal with people as I and Thou says Boober We have dialogue When we treat people as I and it, it becomes a monologue I don't want to talk to myself, I want to talk with you

And I want you to talk with me We have dignity and children have to learn that and they have to learn it early And they also have to learn that they don't find themselves by looking outside of themselves They have to look inside, it's not an easy trip The trip of finding your uniqueness to share with others Because all of your life you're told by others who you are Has it ever occurred to you that you are not really you? Most of you are what people have told you you are And maybe some of you have been wise enough to get hooked on the fact that they meant well But that it may not be congruent with what you really are because you feel uncomfortable with the role that's thrown on you And so you smash it down And you say I'm going to try to find who I am And if you do, it's going to be your biggest challenge

There's going to be no peace But it's also a proof positive you will never be bored Self-discovery is like all discovery, it's full of wonder You've got to get inside, I love the Sufi story about the Mula Who was out in the street on his hands and knees And touching the ground you know And a friend of his came by and said Mula what are you doing in the street on your hands and knees And he said I'm hunting for my house key, I lost my house key And he said oh, show me about where you lost it And I'll get down on my hands and knees and help you He said oh I lost it in the house He said then what the hell are you doing out here Looking for it, he says oh it's lighter here And you know most of us look for ourselves out here in the light, you're not going to find it You're going to have to get down on your hands and knees inside Where it's dark and spooky And discover all those wonderful things about you And it is unlimited

No one has ever been able to find a limit to human potential So you are far more than you are actualized And you can go on forever and forever and forever People like Einstein who decried the fact at the point of death That so little of him had been realized It's true of all of us, we don't have to be in Einstein But knowing that your limitless is your greatest challenge Find out all of that wonder of you and develop it and stand up proudly And don't be afraid to fail It's all right, you don't have to be perfect You know somebody was very nice before I came out here and said be careful There's a cable there and there are two steps and you're likely to trip And I said wouldn't that be fun If I walked out in all my glory and fell flat on my... You know, then if there was anybody in the audience that thought I was something special

They'd find out differently I'm just very happy to be a human person like me I don't have to be perfect And then I think we need to teach children the importance of others And that they cannot grow in this world without taking in others And the more worlds that they take in these unique worlds The more they can become We need to teach them to trust others again Because we're all frightened to death of each other We're building higher and higher walls Longer and longer bridges Now, every day I see how we're distrusting And it hurts I live on a freeway in Los Angeles that was the first freeway built in the city So it really isn't a freeway There aren't any on-ramps, you're just on

And try to get off with someone on your tail going 55 miles an hour It's tricky and every day I know this may be the end And it's really funny, though, I truly enjoy it It shows you in this sense I'm there on this little thing There's a fence and you're on And so you're looking over your shoulder And all the cars are coming And everybody's determined they're not going to stop for anybody And so you get this pleading expression Well, somebody's stopped And a roar, roar, roar Finally you see a place that you say, here goes, roar You get on here, roar behind you And then they get really angry How dare you get on this freeway And then they're determined they move and maneuver to get around So they can be in front of you again I say, please Now there's one car ahead of me Big deal

So when I get to the on-ramp I remember, and so I'm determined I'm going to let people on. The guy behind me hates me. And so I'm telling people, go on, go on. And they're looking at me frantic. You mean it? You mean it? Yes, I mean it. Get on. They almost kill me. And finally they get on, and then they get this big grid on their face. Somebody let me on. You know, that's really sad. It's really funny, but it's really sad.

All of these crazy ways in which we misguided about people in interaction. And it's sad we've got to learn to trust again, to believe again. And of course it's a risk. But everything's a risk. We'll talk about risk later on. But we need again to begin to go beyond just being. We've got to get in touch with being human. And there's a difference. You know, there's a wonderful story that Buddhist still, that I just love, about an ant in a rain barrel. And different attitudes about this ant. And they say the person, first person goes in, and he looks in the rain barrel, and he sees an ant. And he says to this ant, what are you doing in my rain barrel? And he goes, yuck. No ant. Selfishness. Next person comes and looks in.

And he sees the ant there, and he says, you know, it's a hot day here. Even for ants. And you're not hurting anything. Go ahead and sit in my rain barrel. Tolerance. And the third person comes and doesn't think about being tolerant or anger. He sees the ant in the rain barrel and spontaneously feeds it a handful of sugar. That's love. When you get to the point that you don't have to analyze it anymore, you've got it made. It's a spontaneous reaction. Somebody's on the road and they need me. I stop. Someone needs to get on the freeway. I go. Someone's crying. And I say, can I help? Somebody said to me at an interview this afternoon. But what about these, when you go to people and you say something to them and they tell you, you know, mind your own business.

And you're likely to get that. You don't love to be loved in return. You love to love. You do it because it's natural to reach in and give this ants some sugar. And what have you lost? And also, so many people who have potential are so afraid to let you see what they are. So much beauty is lost because you're afraid. I found a beautiful little thing written by Igmar Gustafsen, which is called locked in. And I really love this because it's sort of, it says what we're talking about. He says, all my life I lived in a coconut. Not a beautiful place to live. It was cramped and dark, especially in the morning when I had to shave. But what pained me most was that I had no way to get in touch with the outside world. If no one out there happened to find the coconut and was nice enough to crack it open,

then I was doomed to live my life in a coconut and maybe even die there. And this happened so often. I died in my coconut. A couple of years later, they found the coconut and they cracked it open and they thought me shrunk and crumpled inside. Oh, what a shame they said. If we'd only found him earlier, then maybe we could have saved him. Maybe they're more locked in like that. Let's go and look. They said and they started knocking to pieces every coconut within reach. No use, meaningless, a waste of time, a person who chooses to live in a coconut must be a nut in a million. But they didn't know that I have a brother-law who lives in an acorn. That's scary. Get out of your coconuts, get out of your acorns.

You have a great responsibility to be what you are. It's your greatest challenge. And then I think it's important to tell children about the continuity of life. You know what really bothers me also is that we live in a stratified society. If you think about it, little children are kept together. Adolescents are kept together. Young married are together. And if you don't happen to be married, you lose your best friends. Old people for goodness' sakes are kept together. And where does a kid learn that life is not a thing? It's continuity. I was so lucky as a kid because my house was always full of people, grandmas and grandpas and children who had been newly born and pregnant ladies. And newly married.

I could tell you stories about that. All in the same house. And we learned early what it meant that life is a continual process and not stratified. We saw old people and we knew that someday we would have the privilege too. We saw people dying and we began to appreciate life. But when you don't see it, you don't know that it's there and you're scared to death of it. Most of us are horrified about death. We don't know how to die with dignity. If you have lived with dignity, you'll die with dignity. You don't have to worry about it. One of the most fascinating letters I got in the last year was from a woman who, really, it was page after page after page about the fact that she was dying and only had three or four months to live. And every other word was I and me. But I could sense that she was a very feeling and beautiful person.

She just didn't know how to handle death. And so I took a gamble and I answered her and said, you know, instead of sitting around, waiting to die, take full advantage over these few days or few months that you still have and live. What happens if you do something, go to children's hospital, in children's hospital there was a ward of not people your age were dying. But little children who were dying, go work with the children. I couldn't as she did and the wonder of wonders is that the children taught her how to die. The minute she walked in, little kids went up to her and said, are you going to die too? No adult was ever daring enough to say such a thing. She was not only dying, but she was dying of loneliness. One child said, I don't know why. She said, yes, I am. And she said, she said, are you afraid? She said, yes.

Why are you afraid? You're going to go see God. Isn't that interesting? That's so many of us say that when we die, we're going to go see God. And yet we scream and yell in horror when death comes. That's a very interesting dynamic that it was worthy of study. One little girl said, will you bring your doll? She's still alive and she's still working. And I don't think she's too worried about when it's going to come. There's still something to do. You know, age has nothing to do with becoming senile. It's feeling that you have no more options that makes you senile. As long as you can live, you can live right through death. But children have to have some practice with this. They have to see it.

We hide them from funerals. We don't let them see bodies. We don't give them answers when they say, what happened to my dog? What happened to grandma? She went away on a trip. Well, you know, little kids are going to learn what you teach them. People that have done studies on children and their attitudes about death have found an interesting thing that they pick up the attitude of their parents. And if their parents are scared to death of it, so are they. And that's no pun intended. But age has nothing to do with it. It's still an ongoing process. I found some of the most incredible things. Galileo published his last book at the age of 74. Michelangelo was 71 when he was appointed Supervising Architect of St. Peter's Church. Grandma Moses didn't even start painting until she was 76. Duke Ellington was passed over by the Pulitzer Prize Advisory Committee when he was 66 years old.

And his response to them was, well, God doesn't want me to be too famous too early. Pablo Cassal's played a concert at the White House when he was 85. And wonderful, wonderful Susan B. Anthony was still the head of the suffragettes at 80. And she went to prison at 52. Isn't that glorious? Some of us will never know the wonder of going to jail. And George Bernard Shaw, that incredible man, fractured his leg at 96. And you know how he did it? He fell out of a tree that he was pruning. Age is up here. But you know we need to know that. We need to see it. We need to have some kind of a concept of it. And then another thing that's essential. And that is the children learn that they have choice. And they will only believe that they have choice.

If you show them that the greater the number of alternatives in your life, the freer you are. And that those people that commit suicide, for instance, are those people who had the narrowest aspect of life. Because they had no choices. Every year at the university, really during final examinations, people attempt committing suicide. There are always beautiful young ladies and young men who slit their wrists. Because John said that he was going to call them at four o'clock. And they didn't call. Can you believe having so little self-concept that because John didn't call or frank didn't send you a valentine, you're willing to give up your life? I always say to my students for goodness sakes what other things certainly. Suicide is a viable alternative. But what else could she have done? And I say be creative.

If John didn't call her, besides killing herself, which is a pretty final alternative. What else could she have done? Help me. What could she have done? Call him. I say what the hell did you do? Break your finger. You know, you have as much right to that as anybody else. You don't have to sit home and snivel because you didn't call you. And there are many other things that she could have done. What else could she have done? Call somebody else. Call a Peter. She could make a pizza. She could have a party. She could make tall house cookies and go on to the street and pass them out. She could take a cold shower.

You know, people are always saying that one of the reasons that we like to accumulate in a mass wealth is because it gives you greater alternatives. That's insane. If you don't have the alternatives now, you can have all the money in the world and still not have alternatives. You'll just do it faster. Quicker suicides. I remember also when we were little, the big thing we did every week and we always anticipated it is we would get into an old Chevrolet and gasoline at that time was like 15 cents a gallon. And we'd all pile in. You can imagine 11 people in a Chevrolet. And the top of it was loaded down with all kinds of wonder because Mama in her all of her splendor loved to be comfortable. And we would go to the beach. We would go to Long Beach. It would take us almost two hours to get there. We sang all the way.

We'd do all the operas. You know, Mama was a singer and she taught us. So one time we'd sing La Bohem. The next time we'd do La Traviata. You know, and as we passed truck drivers and so on this crazy family with this umbrella and these chairs and boxes, you know, Mama was never satisfied with sandwiches. We cooked spaghetti at the beach. Can you believe it? Antipasto. You know, people would watch us in awe. We'd arrive at the beach and it would take us like two hours to get everything off. Mama would check the wind. Now put the umbrella here and put the thing here. Put the chair right there facing the sun. You know, then we'd get all set. Then we'd go in and get all wet and so on and so forth. And then we'd change. Oh, I remember that wondrous time. And we didn't have anything. And all these people around us that had so much were looking at us and wondering,

who are those freaks? We had alternatives. We had choices. We believed in our naive way, perhaps. But what difference does it make if you're naive and stupid? If you're living and alive? But I don't think we were so stupid. It was fun. I remember once we wanted to take Papa to Hawaii before he died. We knew he was going to die. And we found out that there was a fair on an aeroplane that was really cheap. They used to have those fairs where they don't even look at you, you know? Let alone feed you. They just stash you back in the back of the plane. And we didn't care. It was all right. We went through the first class and we went down to the back. And you were allowed to buy your own box lunch. You remember that? Don't be so sophisticated.

You didn't always have all that you have. And Papa said, so what? We'll cook our own dinner. Oh, you know, I always remember what we had even because it was so outrageous. We sat there and we put down my sister and I and my niece. And we had a whole row. And he opened up the box and he had done rosemary garlic chicken. First class was salivating. 80 rows away. I remember the hostess kept coming back saying, what do you have there? You know, he had marinated mushrooms. Oh, it was outrageous. Such a dinner. Nobody ate so good on that flight. And we shared with everybody. Someone would turn around and look at a sort of, you know, like, ooh. You'd say, have a piece of chicken.

You have choice. You can select joy over despair. You can select happiness over tears. You can select action over apathy. You can select growth over stagnation. You can select you and you can select life. And it's time that people tell you you're not at the mercy of forces greater than yourself. You indeed are the greatest force for you. Now, you can't do it for me, but you can do it for you. I was always amazed at the work of Victor Frankel. Many of you know it. A beautiful thing that he did in man's search for meaning. This, the experiences of camp life, he was talking about being in a concentration camp in. If any man should have had trouble living through this, he should have. He was a neurologist. He had grown up in a very wealthy Vietnamese family. He had everything all of his life. And all of a sudden, he was put in a situation where you think there aren't very many viable alternatives.

Listen to what he says. The experiences of camp life show that man does have a choice of action. Tough examples, often of a heroic nature, which prove that apathy can be overcome. An irritability of the worst kind suppressed. We who lived in concentration camps can remember those who walk through the huts to comfort others. Giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offered sufficient proof that everything can be taken from us. But one thing, the last of the greatest of human freedoms. The freedom to choose one's attitude in every any given set of circumstances. To choose one's own way of life. You have that. You know people say, oh, Buscale, you are so naive. You say people can select joy. Try it. The next time you're in a situation where you can find yourself screaming at someone.

Try smiling. It's amazing. You know, I was, some of you have seen that show where I talk about the man at the airport that was screaming at everybody that he had to get out of that airport. Even though there was a blizzard and it was impossible. And I said, why not? There was a little woman there who had become a kindergarten teacher and she collected up all the children and relieved the mothers to go have something to eat. That's the kind of choice you can make. And I said, why do you make the screaming choice that only reflects on you and gives you bleeding ulcers instead of making other people happy? And this man said he had never thought about that before, amazingly enough. But he was in, he talked to me about this in Albany and said he was in Chicago. Same place where this happened. That's a wonderful place to get stalled in an airport. It's bound to happen if you go through Chicago enough times.

And he said that they told him that they would have to take him to where he was going by bus. There was no possible way of getting out of the airport that night. And there were two women in wheelchairs. They didn't even know each other. And there was one on one side and one on the other. And he said, I thought of Buscalia, who said to me at that airport, well don't just sit there do something. That was really mama speaking. And he said, he walked over to these two women and he said, are you going where I'm going? They said, yes. And he said, what about your luggage? And they said, but we can't get out of the wheelchair and there's no attendant to, he said, I'll take care of you. And he went over and got their bags and put them on the bus and helped them on the bus. He said, I never had such a good time in my life. It was a beautiful joyous experience. A choice. I know that I'm probably, they told me to keep track of time and I've lost track completely.

I'm sure this is going to be the longest television show in captivity. But anyway, I have to talk to you at least a few moments on risk because risk is so nice. And you will, once you begin to become hooked on risk, your whole life changes. But change and growth takes place only when you're willing to risk and experiment with your own life. You're never sure of anything. Everything's a risk. I remember many years ago I sold everything that I had much against everybody's advice. I wanted to go around the world. I wanted to hear a crystal clear temple bell in Nepal. I wanted to sit in a rice paddy in Thailand and talk to people or at least hug them. And I did. I sold my insurance policy, my house, my car, everything that I owned that I went.

People said, oh, my goodness, you gave up your job. You're never going to find another job. You're going to starve when you come home. Yeah, I came home with like 10 cents. But so much more important were the things that I learned. I learned about attitudes like in Bangkok, Ma Pen Lai. Wonderful attitude. I heard people say Ma Pen Lai, Ma Pen Lai, all over the place. I wondered, what's this Ma Pen Lai stuff? And finally, when I got acquainted with some Thai people, I said, you know, there's a phrase I keep hearing in the marketplace in the airports, in the museums, on the canals, on the rivers. Ma Pen Lai, what does it mean? And they sort of smiled and they said, it means it's all right. It doesn't matter. Honest suddenly dawned on me, my goodness. No wonder they're called the land of smiles. If so many people can say it's all right, it doesn't matter. And then I thought about our culture, where everything matters.

What do you mean it doesn't matter? If you think it doesn't matter, it's because you're frivolous. It doesn't matter. The world will go on without you. 90% of what we worry about doesn't happen anyway. And we worry, and we worry, and we worry, and then we worry about worrying. Every time I speak, I risk. I go to people always like this. You know me? I don't say how do you do. Goodness, I went to those crazy people that risk hugging the dean. No one hugs a dean. The dean sits behind the desk that's a mile long and two miles wide, and you sit on the other side and you say, yes, Dean, yes, Dean, yes, Dean.

That's what you do with the dean. You don't hug him? Well, I was sitting there one day and he said the nicest things. He was saying all kinds of really nice things. I thought, what a sweetie. You know, I bet he'd love to be hugged. And so I just got up and I said, Dean, that's beautiful. And I charged out and he's sitting in a swivel chair. He goes, ah! I throw my arms around him and I hug him much to the horror of my colleagues. My God, he's crazier than we thought. Well, you know, I'm always consistent and every time I saw the dean, I'd say hi, Dean, and I'd hug him. And I knew he liked it because later on he started cuddling. No one's too big for a hug. Everybody wants a hug. Everybody needs a hug. Changes your metabolism. I want to read you this and then I promise to close.

But it says this, to laugh is to risk appearing the fool. Well, so what? Fools have a lot of fun. To weep is to risk being called sentimental. Of course I'm sentimental. I love it. To reach out to another is to risk involvement. Who's risking involvement? I want to be involved. To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self. What else do I have to show? To place your ideas in your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naïve. Oh, I'm called worse things than that. To love is to risk not being loved in return. I don't love to be loved in return. To live is to risk dying. I'm ready for it. Don't you dare shed one tear if you hear that Bouscalia blew up in the air. Drop dead with enthusiasm.

To hope is to risk despair and to try is to risk failure. But risks must be taken because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing has nothing is nothing and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow. But he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. Chained by his certitudes. He's a slave. He's forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free. Try it and see what happens. You know, I dearly love the challenge that is presented all over India. When you're traveling through India, you will see everybody as they meet each other and leave each other. They put their hands together like this and they say namaste. Let me tell you what that means. It means I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I honor the place in you where lies your love and your light and your truth and your uniqueness and your peace. I honor the place in you where if you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us, namaste. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. This program was made possible in part by grants from salmon's communications incorporated and Republic Financial Services Incorporated.