The Battered Woman

When I was in my knife month of pregnancy I sustained a beating that was most severe. I was thrown across the room so that my body went across the room horizontally and hit the wall and I fell. Down to the floor. Then I was taken by the wrists and dragged up the steps. At that time I was in my nice month of pregnancy and there was at no time any of physical violence toward my person only toward my stomach that contained our child. And at that time my stomach was bruised and battered and crushed.

For a period of about 20 minutes. After the beating occurred I lay on the floor unable to get up. And there was absolutely no response from my husband whatsoever concerning my welfare or the child's welfare or the beating that I had just sustained. What you've just heard is not unique. Except it's usually hidden behind closed doors. Both the men and the women involved prefer to keep the secret of the battered woman to themselves. But we're going to throw open the door and look at the realities of the most deeply private and

unreported crime. I'm Patrick McGrath and I'll be speaking with a carefully selected panel of experts. But most importantly you will be hearing battered women revealing their own stories. Women who are risking another beating and perhaps their lives in the hope of reaching other women and saving them some pain. What do we mean by the battered woman the battered wife the 975 Gayford study gives a definition of a battered woman as a woman who has received deliberate severe and repeated demands of both physical injury from her husband. It's a crime even more common than rape. A crime that both the man and the woman involved want to keep secret and that the rest of us don't want to know about a man beating up a stranger would be hauled off to jail. But when the person is his own wife we accept that society condones the beating as something between two consenting adults. There are plenty of sayings about wife beating. Take just one. Women should be struck frequently like gongs. That's from a distinguished playwright no coward or the familiar question when did you

stop beating your wife. Somehow the marriage license can become a license to hurt. The woman you will be hearing make it only too clear that the battered woman is not some medieval out of the affair to get rid of a lot of your stereotypes and illusions. Battered women are at every level of our society lower class middle class and upper class women. Their husbands are truck drivers attorneys legislators dock workers. The problem transcends all races. They are just like women everywhere because they are everywhere. I want you to meet three women now as they talk with our interviewers. You just heard of Rita's story. Rita Alice thirty two she was married. She has one daughter aged 10. Reed is former husband is a professional with a $40000 income. She has a bachelor's degree but is currently unemployed. She had hoped that her marriage would be her life. I was so concerned about maintaining my marriage that

I kind of did all the wrong things you know I think I worked hard on it I I try different personalities I try being you know bitch I tried being very nice and pleasant and and having my voice even had a mellow and sweet tone to it I tried these things for months at a time without slipping. One time without becoming depressed and without becoming emotional or without questioning my husband's activities whatsoever. And nothing worked. The only thing that happened was that because I tried so hard he knew that he could do it that he could get away with it. And it caused me a great deal of

loss of respect for myself. Toshi ass was born 42 years ago. She is now separated from her husband after 12 years of marriage. The beatings started one year after her first child was born. She is a registered nurse who is now earning $3000 a year teaching Oriental cooking. Her daughter is 12. Her sons are 11 and sex. Her husband is a government contract administrator. We asked her if she felt she had ever provoked her husband into beating her. You know I never provoke. I come from the background and you know it that i live their life. Jew should not provoke I dishes just keep myself quiet most of the time just take it. He always much into the kitchen. You know it just would get freeze up in the air and push my heat down to see and yeah well keep me at the TV area. That kind of the

thing and I just you know I just prayed to God not just please everybody you know I just pray I just keep quiet. Virginia M is 43. She was 18 when she was married and was beaten throughout her 25 years of marriage. She is now getting a divorce. She has twins aged 12 Virginia is a high school graduate and works as a secretary with a ninety five hundred dollar income. Her husband is a year older and did not complete high school. Virginia does not know what his income is only that he works with the utilities company. We asked Virginia what led up to the abuse. Well I guess when I was in the early days of my marriage maybe my attitude. My husband wanted to be the head of the family so to speak down E-Ring. I could go back make a paycheck but I would only get like I said a dollar a day. I couldn't

drive a car. I did my laundry by hand. I had no conveniences. He wanted to make all the decisions finds himself. He wanted to make all the decisions by himself. And I wanted a voice in it. And and I would say not as I'm talking to you now because I am a little bit nervous but I would say to him Look you know I'm helping out his marriage I want to be involved I want to help make decisions I can be a good driver I can be a good worker. Why he wanted all those things play anything that would give me any source of Independence he did not want me to have. Not money not friends. Even my own family. Among the women we interviewed there was no one type of woman. Battered women are found throughout the population not limited to a single easily identified personality.

A battered woman could be the woman next door or someone you consider a close friend or even your sister. Most battered women don't want us to know who they are and most of us don't want to know. Many people just turn up a TV set to drown out the noises of the couple fighting next door. Carol R. is 47. She's separated from her husband after 29 years of marriage and twenty two years of beatings which caused a nervous breakdown. She had her husband have four children ranging in age from 22 to 28. Carol graduated from high school and works as a secretary bookkeeper earning fifty two hundred dollars a year. Her husband is 14 years older. She's not certain he completed high school. He works as a laborer in the shipping department of a large corporation. She had tried to keep her husband's beatings a secret. I had the bruises and I had a visit from my mother and observation of the bruises. She wanted to know what had happened. She thought perhaps I'd had an accident or something of this sort and when I wouldn't talk to her about them she threatened to talk to my

children to find out what was going on. So I had to tell her and I felt ashamed for myself and ashamed for my husband that his behavior was such that he couldn't control what I didn't want the people around me to know this we live in a very small place. And I knew that it would be demeaning for him for people to know that this had happened. At first it seems hard to believe that women want to conceal what they are being beaten. The problem is a complex one stretching from the individual couple to the rest of society. So help us understand the full extent of the problem and what alternatives exist for battered women. Let me introduce our panelists who have a broad range of expertise. Kathleen O'Farrell Friedman is an attorney with the Baltimore City Legal Aid bureau specializing in domestic law and a member of the Baltimore task force on battered women. Ruby Glover is also with the Baltimore task force and is staff assistant to the administrator of Johns Hopkins women's clinic. Judge Stuart is Judge of the Orphans Court in Prince George's County.

She is also an attorney in private practice specializing in domestic law with a heavy caseload of battered wives. Dr. Mary Firth is a psychiatry with the violence clinic at the University of Maryland hospital. Doctor first though why do women shy away from letting anyone know what is happening to them. Most times they're very ashamed their self-esteem has been rather decreased and they don't want really anybody to know because they don't feel very good about themselves. Well it's because marriage is the most important thing in our society that a woman does and so if she says Well my husband's baiting then the most important aspect of her life is is extremely threatened she's going to have to go and tell her friends it appears her marriage has failed therefore she's failed in life it's absolutely crucial to her. The only reason why women are saying I wanted to add that I think that women are ashamed because other people help them to feel ashamed I think other people tell them that there might be something that they're doing wrong and that they

feel. Particularly intimidated by their husbands who are blaming them for the fact that they're being beaten or them their husbands will say you know I have I'm sorry I have to beat you but it's because you're stupid and incompetent and ugly and this goes on for years and obviously she believes it. It's reinforced very strongly by the fact that she gets hit one by hand and sometimes relatives and friends will say What did you do. Well why would you believe that if the fellow was such a brute. Because she has nobody else to bounce it off of. She isn't telling anyone else she doesn't tell her mother she doesn't tell her neighbors and she doesn't tell her friend so well she hears is he says I have to do this because you're stupid ugly and incompetent and he's the only person that's making this judgment on her and he knows her better than anybody else in the world. And so her response is Well obviously this person who is important to me and we're not saying that the husband not a boarder he's telling her that she's a failure and so of course she believes him because she hasn't heard from someone else that she isn't a failure. I guess it's hard to understand how the husband could remain important the woman if he's.

Getting drunk and beating up a relative on line isn't always wrong. And he's not abused 100 percent of the town. That's right and he is providing for her. And the family. And you know I don't think in writing but there are other positives. I mean it would be easy if he were a monster all the time. Start out with a low self-esteem in the first place. 2 in the works were there. There's one study that. Suggests very strongly that women who continue to be beaten and have difficulty getting out of it it's because they have a low self-esteem model for beating their mothers have been beaten by their fathers and they don't know to expect anything else. When DD is 27 years old she was married when she was 19 and the beatings started after five years of marriage. She has filed for divorce. She has one son five years old when he has two years of college education and earns $8000 a secretary. Her husband is also 27 and is a machinist with a high school education. For much of their marriage he was unemployed often drinking or using drugs. When the beatings increased

when he tried fighting back then turned to a neighbor. That's good fortune. She didn't think she did. And her coworkers were listed. We hear about people who don't want to get involved. But what happens if a friend or neighbor tries to help. How dangerous is it to be a good Samaritan. Judging all you like can be very dangerous side. It doesn't happen all the time or certainly in all cases but I have had clients whose husbands have pursued them with a shotgun into the home of the neighbor where she sought shelter and there's always a chance the woman takes a child with her that the husband fills up kidnapping charges against her because I did have that happen but I don't think that's that ordinary perhaps we ought to have some kind of good Samaritan statute that would protect someone who does shelter someone

seeking help from violence but of course then also they don't have to be a witness. Well divorce case a battered woman comes to your door your neighbor should you help or should you. Should you get involved. I think that you're going to have to. We're talking about being human beings you're going to say you've got someone there who is bleeding and probably in great danger and you're going to shut the door and say I hope that the police get there before she was killed. I just can't I hope that people are not making that decision saying well I may not be able to get to court next week when this case comes up and therefore I'm not going to open the door. And certainly they ought to get involved just proceed with caution. That's right. You have to be aware of it but they don't have to open the door to the husband when he comes in. After weeks of interviews with battered women it was clear that they were all talking about something a lot more serious than just a few slaps. They'd been beaten with chains thrown down steps punched and kicked. Many had broken bones and concussions and some were beaten unconscious. Many of these women were still too embarrassed to seek medical help. But throughout the country hospitals and morgues give some hint of what is happening. The Boston

City Hospital reports that approximately 70 percent of the assault victims in its emergency room are women attacked in their homes usually by a husband or lover. A recent report from California reveals that almost one third of all female homicide victims were murdered by their husbands. Other studies throughout the United States support these grim figures. You've already heard Rita describe how she was beaten during her ninth month of pregnancy. She was afraid not only for her life but also for the life of her unborn child. There were two incidences in pregnancy after the first incident a child starve for two weeks. I did go to the doctor and he assured me that the child was still alive. Then in the ninth month of pregnancy I did not see a doctor because the marks

on my abdomen were very severe and the doctor would surely know. You saw also someone that I knew personally and I just couldn't bring myself to show him these marks. The only up until this time up until I was in my ninth month of pregnancy no one knew about these feelings. Joyce B is 47. She is still married to the man who has been battering her for 11 of the 12 years of their marriage. They have one daughter. The beating started three months after their daughter's birth. Joy says one year of college and is a secretary during $10000 annually. Her husband who is now 65 is an executive with some college education. Joyce doesn't know what his income is only that it's quite a bit over $10000.

I did seek medical attention at the time. One of the worst episodes and which a family doctor and a family doctor was more or less ignored me and which he didn't really believe he kept saying that oh your husband didn't do this your was informing you of what has happened. He he didn't do anything at all. He didn't want to be involved and when friends later on when it was checked on the date and everything it was there there was no there's no record of it. He said he had no X-rays reaching out and he had taken the X-rays himself in the office. When a woman seeks medical help the doctor may be the first person outside her home to know she is being battered. While some states require doctors to report any suspicion of child abuse they are not required to report wife abuse. The nonexistence the tests are all part of the invisible problem. When a woman has bruises that are obviously not accidental for example she's hoarders out polishing a rocker was one excuse that I was going to get. Now what action should a

medical person take Let's go over what's your view on that. My view is that the doctor should just observe the patient a little closer instead of just observing the physical. And I would tend to ask her some questions for there that were going to to the surface that she's been battered or that it did not happen as she is stating it happened. And perhaps if you really investigating to a point where she seems to get a little over anxious and began to babble out of things that are pertinent to any parts of that accidental incident that may have caused this injury that he make reference of referrals that are within his area to a psychiatrist who may get closer in with her. Who may not pull it all out at that time or onto a social worker someone who could be very advantageous said the doctor Firth What about that are are they is

the family doctor or the doctor that the woman is likely to meet in the emergency room capable of really advise in your intelligence. Well I think the feasibility is probably impossible to really get into very much in the emergency room since it seems these people the doctors there are pretty well pressed and I think the important thing for the for the emergency room physician to to be alert to the things don't match up that there is some income growing in what is being said by the by the husband and by their wife. And did he be sensitive enough that he can pick up some of these things and at least recognize that the wife may be afraid to say anything and be willing to take her side for a minute to get some some clarification of what's going on. The beatings of battered women are seen we talking about just a slap are we talking about the worst man misread what I see with my clients is anywhere from severe bruising.

It's a pattern of severe bruising to go on for some time to some. Extraordinary. Malicious. Injuries and it's uncomfortable thing for me to talk about but I'll just give you one example and it is only one about how I have had a client who when she was pregnant woke up in the middle of the night with her husband beating on her stomach. And because she woke up. He ran downstairs and brought a broom up stairs and inserted the broom in her butt John and she lost the baby. So we're talking about some really sick. Brutal concept that of course is really extraordinary. I tell you there are you have had one after another judge and you you feel you have a private ride got it. I mean that's bizarre but it's not unusual that you're going to have not only involve the physical but I'm talking about breaking the bones using a weapon crushing the cheekbones throwing around a second story window using any kind of weapon I have a client she has no idea

what to use because the first thing he did was hit her across the eyes break your eye glasses in there glasses were driven into her eyes. But sexual molesting if you will also occurs in these kinds of patterns. You mentioned the case of a pregnant obviously that was a very extreme case but what about a a case of the woman beaten during pregnancy. How serious a problem is that I have had and I just had one just a couple weeks ago where that was the situation drags him down the stairs by her feet it is not a real it's not usually a reality for us to say yes I'm a suspect I don't know much that I it's got to be something very important going on between those people and the fact of her pregnancy is extremely upsetting to I assume the physical damage to the fetuses is frequently frequent there and you know that's just what I was going to bring for and you know we're recognizing here that you have a lot of teenage Mommies the teenage young mothers are being confronted quite a bit with these physical abuse and they're not apt to discuss it with their parents because that's true strikes against them.

Miscarriage may sometimes be. Evidence of perhaps a better known could be could be almost all the women we spoke with felt unable to communicate with their husbands after repeated beatings. Some of these women looked for outside intervention in the form of marriage counseling. We wanted to know how effective counselling can be in a violent marriage. And I asked Wendy how her husband had responded to counseling. He did. It because you know. Yes. And the counselor and her crew. So

he went one time and never went back. And then after a three month period he refused to pay any bills that incurred because I was seeing this marriage counsellor and so I was not able to continue to see this person. I never told the marriage counselor that my husband was behind me. And I really felt that there were other problems that the marriage had and it was those problems that we were trying to work out. Does marriage counseling do any good for you. Relationship where the heart is beating the wife.

I think that's important and I think it would depend on on when it was started but I think this counseling is a place where you can begin to look at ways of beginning to talk it out to verbalize it rather than acting it out and what about the lawyers here of you have you found that counseling has ever done much good. A large amount of counseling generally postpones the eventual. Leaving if it's going to be a leaving and hold it together because both will have hope but we're dealing as as Dr. Said with non-verbal people and counseling relies on verbalizing being able to talk about your problems and this is extremely uncomfortable especially for a husband is better than his wife if he'd been able to talk about it they wouldn't be in that situation in the first place and so he may agree to go to counseling early in the relationship because she's insisting on and he's seeing that this may be threatening their relationship and so will go once or twice but I've not seen him in my caseload. I've not seen him successful. The hardest thing to understand is why battered women stay. One common explanation given by outsiders is that women stay because they like it.

They don't know what they're talking about. I've read that and landers I've read it in columns in the papers that I buy the books that I buy. Well they only say it because they've never been in that position if Ann Landers was ever beaten one time she would know not to make a stupid remark like that. When women have children when women have responsibility in their marriages if they don't have someone to go to there's just too many things. It took my mother's death to get me out of my marriage. She left me a small legacy. I used to set up my new home. Without that I would have still been in my own home taking the beatings and being run down by a man who I think needs help. I became very afraid of it. And

I stayed because because I really wanted a marriage and I already had the one child and I wanted that child to have a chance in life with brothers and sisters and a nice and a nice family. There is no time at all that I liked it I stayed primarily because of the hope that marriage might someday within the near distant future work. And also because when I stayed I was covering up my shame see the shame that these beatings brought me. Nobody knew about and therefore only existed within myself. And that also caused me to steady longer than perhaps I should.

In my case it was finances. It was the Care and Feeding of four children. It was trying to keep a home together for them. It wasn't because I enjoyed it in any way. I felt after especially after psychiatric treatment that it was a sick situation and I wasn't the one who was sick. The women we spoke with had not only been physically abused but psychologically battered. We asked Virginia what her husband had done to her self-respect. And one thing you constantly refer to me as being ugly and interesting many years I felt that. He would call me dumb and stupid. In fact he used the word stupid idiot. And you know you and I. You can look at the mirror and see that you're not ugly. Other people would tell me that I was attractive. I want to hear from him. And

in order to do that I try harder course even if I had friends around he would have never said any of these things in front of someone else was always when we were alone. But it's still years accumulate that help to really center feelings and they're very difficult to shrug off. It was a mental block keeping me from going to a counsellor. I didn't want anyone to tell me what was wrong. I knew what was wrong what I needed was a sense of direction and I didn't want anyone to influence me any more than I wanted anyone to influence me to leave my husband. When we asked the women we interviewed whether we recognize their husbands as wife beaters. I was all of them said we'd find their husbands charming and attractive. What makes these men change from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. Charming their friends and colleagues that battering their wives. Dr. Firth What's your view about that.

Well I think there is one condition a medical condition that we refer to as episodic behavior disorder and we knew that you can really identify an individual who could possibly be a wife beater. But in most cases I think it would be difficult to really be able to identify someone on the street or even in the office unless he had already had difficulty with impulse control. Are there any clues to look for at all in this area other than the fact that with this one kind of condition which I so it's a it's a neurological condition a medical condition it's difficult. I think there are some things that you can look for. An individual who's who self esteem really is at risk any right way. Why is it is vulnerable to have any. Impinging stress can cause him to have difficulty for instance losing jobs not feeling very good about himself really having no employment no money. Fits into that category of stresses.

Is wife being kind of a one generation thing. The words of a father beats the marketing I tell him is asked from his father beat his mother I think that's the first clue. And secondly find it tell me how you communicate. How much is there really dad as you talk about feelings and I'm talking now about someone whose starting relationship if she's really going to be looking into whether he's going to be a wife beater is I think the emotional love his ability to communicate on an emotional level is going to be very important. There's a recent local study that was done by Barbara Parker at the University of Maryland School of Nursing where she found that there was significance in the fact that a husband's father beat his mother and likewise that the battered woman's mother in a large number of cases had been beaten. So I think that's a real clue. I think it's called identification with the aggressor. And I think that that's that's not uncommon and you will see this in the adolescent in the young child who is already having aggressive kinds of behavior because this is the kind of thing that's been usual in his family. We talked earlier about the you know the joke about one did you stop beating your wife.

But you know what about that is there sort of a sense do you think among some men that. Beating his wife is a right that comes with marriage. Well I had a client who I. Spoke to the husband we had a conversation about a place this couple had lived together for several years before they were married and he never did touch her and they were married and within a month he had beaten her pretty badly and then they established this pattern several months into the marriage before I saw them and I discussed this with them and he said Well somehow or another I never thought I had the right to before and he really verbalize this to me which I thought was remarkable and he said well I had I expected then that my meals would be prepared my laundry would be done whereas he couldn't ask this of his girlfriend the woman that he was just living. What happens to children who see their mother battered by their father. Judge what you're describing gets the most. That's what I'll tell my client who's trying to get courage to leave her she says well I'm staying with him for the sake of the children. Don't do that because what you're doing to your child you're making your son a wife

beater and possibly your daughter is going to be a woman who's going to accept it and fall into this relationship to say nothing of the how terrible Can it be to a small child to see the most important person in his or her life. Helpless abused unable to defend him obviously if she's unable to defend herself. And the more the greatest tragedy I've seen is the teenagers that turn on the mother who has lived with it for years she stays with her because the kids and then her 15 year old daughter says to her mother I have no respect for you because you put up with that all these years. And what a tragedy and we ought to foreclose that certainly does terrible damage. If if a family decides to go for counseling he said that at least in some circumstances if it's early enough at night it might be of some value. Should the child be included if he's been exposed to them. The wife beating problem. I think it depends on the focus of the counseling. I want to again distinguish between counseling and there. It's because of the fact that the child is involved. He needs to be involved at some level. I think it depends also on the

age of the child whether he should be involved or not. He may need individual therapy rather than being involved in this counseling or therapy for the parents. Often counseling is too little too late or there is not at all. Even with the special dangers for women calling in outside authorities against men they live in fear many women finally turn to the police for protection. Ruth Ann is 62 when she was 46. She married a man 21 years older who is now deceased. She completed high school was earning $12000 a year at the Social Security Administration before she retired and is now a matron on a bus for handicapped children. She does not know or has been the educational background. He was a used car salesman. The abuse started after they'd been married six weeks. During their 15 year marriage Ruth called the police four times. The police would come and you would tell them what he had been doing. But there is

never a record made off it and I would go out and get a warrant of arrest. But as I said the police report wouldn't show what had happened. They would come in and try to talk to him. I didn't do any good. And the one time that I went next door I was so bad. The man next door really begged them to take him to jail that night because he had to go to work and his wife would be there alone and having taken me in. He was afraid of what might happen and the police just could not or would not take him to jail that night and he was very concerned and very upset. But they you think we don't thing. And no matter what you told him at the time they came the initial call. It was not

put on record. My husband had gone before they got there and they should well you have two choices

you can press charges or you can just and said get a warrant and plea for his arrest or you can just leave things alone. And we find that if you put a warrant out for his arrest it's only going to make more problems. And if he tends to stay together and I have no art I have no or turgid but to stay. So I did not. I just changed and that was the end of it. It seems natural to call the police when your life is in danger. But when a woman calls the police to her home for protection from the man she's married to the police seem hesitant to take action. The fact that these flights are extremely dangerous is proven by the recent FBI statistics. But nationally one out of five police deaths resulted when police were called into family disputes in Boston Police received 45 reports of wife beating every day. That's 18000 a year in Maryland's wealthy Montgomery County 95 percent of the family trouble calls involving physical

abuse. Turned out to be a husband assaulting his wife. In fact the former head of the County Police Criminal Division says his men would rather intervene in an armed robbery than a family fight. What can a battered woman expect when she calls the police for protection. What's been your experience in this area. Well it depends on where you are. I have found in my own practice and I have read of other complaints across the country that in some areas the police often don't respond to these calls at all. But I do know that in Baltimore City they will always respond to the call. When the police are wrong often the officer says Sorry lady there is nothing I can do. It's a domestic matter. You need a legal separation. Go get a divorce. I hear this so often that are. I'm pretty well convinced that there's a pattern to it. According to the law the police officer when arriving on the scene should find

out whether or not. A felony has been committed that is an aggravated assault assault with intent to kill or assault with intent to maim. And if so can a rest. If it's a simple assault something less than aggravated circumstances it's the duty of the police officer to take down a complaint report give the complaint report number to the victim and tell the victim to go to the court commissioner who will then based on probable cause issue or not issue a warrant. But as I said before this is frequently not done it's passed off as a domestic problem and it really doesn't belong in the courts and it is not viewed as a quad. However it is a crime and it should be treated as a crime. All important are witnesses to establish a case against the husband. Beaton is one. Well they're very important and this is one of the problems the judges have it's a matter of listening to one or the other. And if there is no witness the judge has to decide who's the most credible. Sometimes I think male judges tend to

identify with the males as to who's the most credible. Even though the stories are as absurd as the ones that might be told in the hospital. So a witness is important. It's really her word against his. In fact a Washington D.C. study of seventy five hundred wives who attempted to bring charges against their husbands showed that fewer than 200 were successful. What if a woman has a strong case that her husband is given only a suspended sentence the man learns fast that the law is reluctant to interfere in a marriage. I would get a warrant of arrest and it would be served on hand. And then it would get went to court. And I would have my lawyer here and he would have a lawyer. And his lawyer could question me but my lawyer could not question him. And the first thing that I would ask him. Did you have any witnesses. Well I know these people are going

to beat up on a woman in front of people. And then. You're going to do it in front of people and what they did they didn't say it. The group didn't mean it and they didn't get. It. This is one of the major complaints of the police the courts and individuals with little sympathy for

battered women that they dropped the charges against their husbands. Does this really happen very often and why has a judge in the U. Well of course it happens because unlike pressing charges against a mugger you're going to have to have a continuing relationship with the with the man and so that means she's going to have to look to him for support and she's going to have to look to him as if she has children she's going to be involved in for the rest of her life and so that means she has some problem if she if he is convicted and by some rare chance incarcerated that hits her support. She knows that she knows his chances of revenge or retaliation against her are greatly enhanced if she makes trouble for him which is going to court is going to do so that's why she dropped that I mean she has nothing to really gain she doesn't get any more money. The courts don't give her the house the courts don't say anything for her by pressing a criminal complaint. Is there any legal recourse that you have to give her some protection. Not to give her physical protection. No I mean she can go ahead in a divorce court and get a civil divorce and be awarded support which can be hard to call if you

can't get the man out of the hole she can't get him out of his house that's that's the issue and that's comes up all the time. I'd like to add that I think that women are systematically discouraged from pressing the charges too often the system itself fosters their dropping it. They have little if any contact with the state's attorney before the hearing. They are not referred to the kind of supportive services that they need in order to deal with their husband if he continues to harass them. And I think that often the courts tend to dismiss the cases and women hear about this. Sometimes even the police officer will tell them what the court commissioner will tell them where you can take it before the court. But you know I doubt that you're going to get any protection from it and so they really discourage some of the women we spoke with had gone through with a separation or divorce and many of them found the experience a bitter one. I went into court to get my divorce and I found for a divorce.

I was humiliated I was to grade it. When you go into court you expect justice. Usually it's the first time that a woman has been in court and she walks out stunned because as my husband said quote You really got to share today. And he was proud of it. And his lawyer helped to do that. His lawyer knew him for what he was. I had too many facts to present against him. Unfortunately I had a woman lawyer who was inexperienced. And that's another thing if a woman is seeking a divorce you go after someone who is intelligent and aggressive. It's necessary. Because when you go to couer if you're a woman that's been married as long as I have you do serve out on me. If you have children you do serve child support and you make sure that child support goes through

the probation department because they keep a record. If you ever take your husband to court for nonsupport probation department surprise this record to the judge and that is only when he takes into consideration what is stamped on the record. The police cause the position to cause anything anything you do to make sure it's written down and keep a note of it. Battered wives often don't have their own income to pay a private lawyer and even if they do many don't know what their legal rights are. What should an attorney tell a battered woman regarding grounds for separation or divorce. You're an attorney as well as a judge. What's your view. Well the first thing that has to be told is that there must be a separation enough nobody can get divorces while they're still living together so that means she's got to find someplace to go make some kind of provision for support of herself until she can get court ordered support from the husband. That's a whole lot of problem but the main thing is that she has to find another domicile if he won't move out.

So that raises one great problem. And unless she moves out even if she has no income at all she her and his income will be counted if she goes to some kind of legal aid or something. Welfare and tries to get something that depends on her means they'll count his income when she looks to get legal fees paid for her against him so that's the big problem. And then in order to prove her grounds for divorce in some jurisdictions you have to show that the individual that lived in the home made life so impossible for the one that finally left and in this case would be the wife moving out leaving that she could not stay without risking her life. And you have to prove this and this is a very difficult thing to do but going back to the discussion we had on evidence they got to prove that not only were his beating so severe but they were severe enough to really really risk her life and self-respect and so forth and many courts have a very high standard in other words. It may be possible to beat your wife and still not give her grounds for divorce. How important in most states are grounds for divorce we hear a lot about no fault

divorce where you can get a divorce simply by filing for it. Well some our no fault no fault just means that people are living apart and one of you wants a divorce that one can go and get a divorce not others you have to prove irreconcilable differences. So you've got to go back into court and prove that you really did have differences between you and you have to prove this to the judge that these differences could not reconcile as a black eye can be grounds or possibly good possibly good. It's important for people to realize that it isn't just enough that they've been abused. They have to know whether or not the conduct is a grounds for divorce or that there is no specific ground required. As in Maryland that they can get it based on irreconcilable differences or some sort of catch all phrase and that is it varies is 50 different laws regarding divorce and you have to go to a lawyer and find out specifically whether the conduct in your particular marriage was sufficient that you were one of the other parties within and a voice we spoke to Toshi when she was still involved in court proceedings to regain custody of her

children. She's now driving twenty two hours each weekend to see her children and she wanted us to know how this separation is affecting her daughter and sons. When I was now in Tennessee two weeks ago she had expressed herself she doesn't know what she said she wished she could. She can change into a piece of paper and the boy just asked me Can you just put in your truck and about Emo. I said no no you don't you have to do. What did Josh say we can't do it. We just follow what the law say it I'm quite sure that you'd be just paste in the subway. We just have to wait. But what if a woman can't wait. What if you feel that her life or her children's lives are in

danger when she grabs the children and leaves tonight. Where does she go. Well here in Baltimore she would. Perhaps seek shelter for herself with a friend or neighbor who might be accommodating at that time because we don't have a shelter per se as yet or she might use some of the crises call systems that are set up for just that purpose to be re counseled as to which aired to go and they might offer her a network of homes that are open to her and her children for that night. What actualities she would have to seek either the crisis centers number or a refuge into a home of a friend or family. We have no shelter as yet. The Salvation Army provides the limited shelters. They have some space. In fact Will it be space. I mean they make it. Yes is it possible woman to call and find that there wasn't space.

Oh yes Army Air Corps is a crying need throughout the country. There are shelters that have developed for instance in Washington D.C. the hassle of which is primarily a refuge for destitute homeless women has been in recent in the past year providing shelter for battered women and there are other places around the country but it is a crying need for shelters. Some of them have social services and welfare and some jurisdictions has a system of putting up people in hotels. If they come to rob it it's you know on Peninnah whether you get the right telephone number sometimes in a crisis it's hard to remember you know names of agencies or addresses. Do the police have the sort of information are supposed to theoretically they're supposed to know these kind of crisis numbers and be able to respond of course you know sometimes. Why don't our church is familiar with this sort of thing. The media and the churches are. Pretty much caring a lot about the crisis in numbers but I doubt very much at the time you know that she's anxious to do something immediately. I doubt very much if she would

think that you know going to a church you know our first instincts are to me me to attack her and then once to some shelter. That's why it's so important the police be really anyone not in the wrong because that's probably who she's going to call there and everything else that there's a reasonably good chance so that if a woman tonight felt in danger and wanted to get her children and herself out of the house that you could find some place to go for the night at least for herself and the children in some places by local places. Yes she thought she ought to find out first before before she goes out the door would be a good idea that Larry right. But if she doesn't have the time to find out ahead of time she should call the local Department of Social Services or wherever she is because that's really their responsibility to provide shelter for the people who are homeless often call the welfare department. Why does major hospitals have us social workers and psychiatrists available on an emergency basis some of the services that you were mentioning may not be open at night and I don't think that yeah it's important to realize that that there

are available in most of the major hospitals services either through a psychiatrist or a social worker and most jurist most cities major cities have crisis lines in the mental health centers too and that's a place to call. But I just wanted to say that leaving isn't always the solution. There ought to be some provision for the courts to have the husband leave so that the wife and children can remain in the home. I don't think we should all look to the woman having the burden of leaving and if there is an abusing situation where a spouse is abusing the other I think that the court ought to have the authority. Some jurisdictions the courts have that authority. In Maryland we don't at this point have that authority. I think it's important to also note that the distancing is important whether it be the life that moves on a husband who leaves. But I think sometimes with the use of medication sometimes you can gain the distancing without having anybody new especially when this is a episodic kind of behavior on the part of the husband and this

can usually be controlled with medication. If there apparently is this rather substantial need for shelters for battered women is there anything afoot as far as you know do you know when you increase the number of shelters. Oh yes there is so there is a lot. The commissions for women around the country are very interested in this issue and are attempting to mobilize the community to develop advocacy centers and shelters for women there are private organizations such as Catholic charities around the country who are interested in it and there are many feminist organizations most notably the National Organization for Women on a national and on a variety of local levels that are pressing and attempting to obtain grants through mental health centers and through other organizations to obtain the shelters in northern Virginia has such a shelter now. And they're just cropping up all over the country. Resources for battered women are still very limited. But for information on existing groups and

organizations send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the battered woman Maryland's Center for Public Broadcasting. Owings Mills Maryland 2 1 1 1 7. That's the battered woman Maryland Center for Public Broadcasting. Owings Mills Maryland 2 1 1 1 7. The problem of the battered woman is not an easy one to admit or to deal with but we hope we've given you a better understanding of what's happening behind that closed door. It is not simply the problem of an individual marriage but part of a society that does not consider wife beating anything to worry about. At the same time each couple or the woman on her own has to work out an answer that's right for her. Through counseling the police the court system or shelters where available. I'm Patrick MCGRATH And I would like to thank our panelist Kathleen Farrel Friedman an attorney with the Baltimore City Legal Aid bureau and a member of the Baltimore task force on battered women. Ruby Glover John Hopkins women's clinic judge Stuart Anu the judge of the Orphans Court Prince George's County and an attorney in private practice and Dr. Mary Firth

psychiatry is with the violence clinic at the University of Maryland hospital. Above all I want to thank the women who revealed their lives who risked another beating in the hope of helping other battered women. The voices you heard were the actual women. But for the protection of these women the screen images you saw were actresses. I remember when my children will be and I went into the bathroom and I prayed for God to take my life. I didn't want to live anymore. But now that I'm on my own I find that depression is a form of growth a very painful form of growth. It takes time to get out of it. You have to work your way out of it. You don't sit in a house and crime to bed because your husband died and you don't cry because you're divorced or separated or out of work or whatever. You pull yourself step by step and you get out of it. It just takes time. And the way you get out of it is by doing things don't

rehash the pace. Think of the future. Think of the children. I don't have a college education I don't expect to go too far financially in this life but by God what I do I want to do well when I want to feel proud of myself and I want to do it on my. And yet I didn't know that somebody could live through all that and not end up in an institution. I guess what I'm basically saying is that I'm proud I survived because if I can survive that I can survive anything. I'm raising my children I'm doing a good job while I'm working. I'm keeping my apartment I'm paying my bills I get good credit. I'm going along good. And I suspect there's nowhere to go for me but outnumbers. Were.

The studios of the Maryland Center for Public Broadcasting. Sers.