Gay Show: A Look at Gay Fathers

Welcome to the gay show a weekly one hour program of music and news and views of the gay community presented by gay people you've just heard gay spirit from the walls to Roses songs a Changing Man album which I use is my theme song tonight Mark Davis is put together a program on gay thought. There's a roundtable discussion with gay men who have been married with children Mark. Thanks Tom. This is Mark Davis with us this evening are three men whose lives are following a pattern different from what we think of as average or American for the American male. For the people tonight have been married each has fathered children. The families have separated and each one seeks affection or companionship or at least sexual pleasure. Primarily from other men. It seems that parenthood divorce and homosexuality would be

quite a challenge if you only had one of them to deal with but you all have been dealing with all three or have at one time or other. And I'm curious to find out how you managed. I thought I should tell the audience that there your name there is Frank can and. Helen. Could you maybe tell us something about yourself. Like how old were you when you got married. 19 and I knew I was gay at the time and I just thought if I got married you know that would change everything and I'd live a straight life you know be just like everybody else. Six and a half years later I found out different. You know it's a lot different. Yeah. How many children do you have. And I have two and a boy five and girl

three. Kim how about you. See I got married when I was eight U.S. 19. I was married for eight years eight or nine years. I'm 35 now. I've got three kids. I had a little more family pressure to get married because he wanted kids grandchildren etc. So part of the reason you got married was please your parents and your grandchildren. Yeah. Frank how about you. I got married later about twenty five twenty six and it was at a time about over 20 years ago when I wasn't aware of gayness and I was aware that I had been attracted to men and had some relationships with men but I felt that that wasn't getting anywhere.

It wasn't socially productive and felt that since I'd fallen in love with my wife that that was something in the past and I could move on and do the usual. So that that submerge the gay side of me and I wasn't aware of it particularly until the last four or five years. And let's see. I have two children mid-teen one in the mid teens and one a late teen. Do you get to see them regularly. What sort of arrangement do you have for you know if I produce it in your children. Are you allowed to see them. Yeah. There's no problem there. Still on friendly terms with my wife but I'm living far enough away so that I can just visit a weekly basis.

Do you not see you can know about you or do you see your kids regularly very often. Yeah I see them at least weekly. They live in town. My wife goes no fact all three kids now so there is no conflict there. Mind that my entire family knows about. Well how about you last seen my kids every two weeks for the whole weekend and I see him every two weeks you know and I try to see him during the week if I can. My wife does my ex-wife does and I like to keep it that way. It's a thing where I'm afraid that if she finds out you know my kids will stop coming around you know. So keep them from common and I don't want that because I enjoy being with them when I have them you know doing things with me and the person I live with and it's like a family unit.

Do you do you do you try to like be a good father to him. Would you try to give him like a man a manly image that they can respect. I just try to be myself around him. I try to you know do what they want to do but then you know like we do things together I mean a five and three but you know there's things they want to do and you know we do it you know on those things and I want to do and we get out and do it you know we just have a real good relationship going back and forth you know. They prefer. Well my daughter prefers to live with me was you know my son with his mother. But it's it's I don't know it's like he loves me and he wants to be around me all the time but you know he knows how much you can take on the you know he wants to go back to his mom and enjoy the company of his mother but you know he wants to come and see me again. You know it's really a strange relationship. You know I can't how about you Do you have going to like what do you like from your kids better than others and they would like to like to visit you would you enjoy seeing them or do you rather not be bothered at all.

I enjoy being around them Terry out a CLI I I wouldn't want to have them on a full time basis. Yeah I think it would definitely cramp my lifestyle that I enjoy sea ice enjoy seeing so the effect of the mom is raising them. Yes. Do you think she's. Giving them a good attitude toward you all that doesn't seem to be any problems as far as her. At least I haven't gotten any from them since the oldest one is 14. She was getting in the house all. I'm sure he would tell me he would prefer to live with me also. Are you all exclusively homosexual or do you all ever

every Of still have or have relations with women and I don't. I wouldn't handle anyone. I couldn't handle it. You know it's like a trap for you know that like the time and like I you know I live with a man and I enjoy my life. You know that since my divorce and a little bit before my divorce and I like to be around women I like to talk to go eat out and all this. That's it you know I have no desires that thought for one. You know sex and all that it's my life my life. You know it's comfortable. The same goes for me that. I have no sexual interest in it women at this point. I enjoy being around them and relating with them but there's a there's just not the sexual attraction in this and I agree. I live with a girl now but she's also gay so it makes a very nice cover but that's about that's the extent.

Did you enjoy being married. Oh if I enjoyed it I probably would still be married. Well I suppose the question there is who initiated the breakup. Did you did you decide I want out I want to know. I just sat down. I don't have as much as I could stand at that point. But for some portion of the marriage when it wasn't enjoyable. You said you're different. Yeah like I would say that some part of it I did enjoy. There's maybe three four years. But it was a different type situation. I don't know necessarily whether it was completely you know I wouldn't say from a sexual one certainly but other parts of my life at that time enjoyed

that I found marriage quite enjoyable. Up until the last several years. Yeah I did. I have no regrets about my marriage except for the fact that I tried to to play a role that it was a player and I brought my my children into the world and I was I loved very much and I regret that they have to go through this divorce and this because. I still owe my ex-wife because of the line. She's a wonderful woman. She was good to me and I just you know I did not tell him I was gay I just you know I don't want to divorce and have a fight and then argue it's just gone too. She wanted to say this and I already knew what was wrong. So we just got to dissolve the marriage. And we're still you know right now we're on really good terms. You know we call each other and talk but we leave

it. Most of it is based on the children you know. What to do. You know certain things in like school and stuff like this. Bear with her. We're

trying to.