Le Show; 1/24/93

You All right, I I have a confession to make before anything else. And I just I have to take full responsibility. I believe and I can't be absolutely sure because we're still checking the the transcripts of last week's show. But I am reliably informed that at the end of last week's program I said that this week's program would be

originating as per usual from the home of the homeless Santa Monica, California. Ladies and gentlemen, and may appear to you when you find out where this program is originating that I I was guilty of telling him is a miss truth I think is is what I choose to call it. Not quite an untruth because who cares but on the other hand not quite the truth either. And as I say I'll take full responsibility for the situation even though and this is not said in the form of an excuse but just this is an explanation. It was you know it was a slip up by the illegal aliens that I've hired to do my travel arrangements. In any case live from the lovely and talented municipal building in lower and I do mean lower Manhattan New York City. Hello, this is Lesho.

I'm going to be tiptoeing to your time. I just want to move around here. I've got to have you here, my body. You can't enter my mind, so I'm saying that I'm lonely. I'm a shader, a diamond ring, and a diamond ring, maybe my body. Your eyes are blind. They're running all we had a good time. I'm going to be tiptoeing

to your time. I just want to pull around here. I'm going to be tiptoeing to your time. I just want to move around here. I've got to have you here, my body. I'm slipping to your time. I'm about to think that it's a goal. You told me you'll live with me right now. You know I don't hold a cross, no sugar. I'm going to hold a discreetly, keep quiet while

I'm moving, shine and run. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I just want to pull around here. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to be tiptoeing to your time. I'm coming around here, baby. I'm coming around here, my body. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time. I'm going to tiptoeing to your time.

Luke, we may be seeing the birth of a new excuse during the last 12 years, the excuse for any scandal was, as in the case of most recently seen George Bush pardoning Casper Weinberger, gosh, what a job he did for the country and all those other miscreants. The excuse was for them and everybody else during that period of time. These were patriots and what they did, they did for their country. We're beyond that now. These are the 90s and Bill Clinton in defending the choice of a private school, as opposed

to a public school for Chelsea, as I like to call her, and Zoe Baird in defending her little thing. Both have introduced, I think, what is going to be the fashionable new excuse for the 90s because we are, after all, baby boomers having babies. Look for a Ron Brown, if he ever gets caught with any hanky packet, the Commerce Department to use this one. It's good. Scott Legs, they were doing it for their children. So much so much of mine, and I am one of you, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to

play and catch myself, like a song of love that I don't know now, with the fresh of the breeze, the color, the color of your face, that dials the skin in the flower to give you my love, my well, it comes more to fall, it's too much, but it's going to be the same, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to play and catch myself, like a song of love that I don't know now, with the fresh of the breeze, the color

of your face, that dials the skin in the flower to give you my love, my well, it comes more to fall, it's too much, but it's going to be the same, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to sing and try, I'm going to sing and try, I mean if this starts

You're like this, your love is like this, I'm for you, you're for me, you're for me, you're for me On the other hand, the the nice thing about the inauguration, it did harken back, it did show that Bill Clinton is really a child of the 60s because that was the time when rock and roll meant you listen to a top 40 AM station and it'd be a country song and an R&B song and a white pop song, cheek to jowl just held together by one yelling DJ and now we got the the light rock in the E easy rock in the dark rock with a twist of light and the light rock in the daytime and the easy light rock at night, he really did for that one moment, you know, from Streisand to LL Cool J, he really did bring us together, but he did kill rock and roll, I maintain that.

Although, ladies and gentlemen, anything that gets Michael Jackson out of the house is okay, you know, by me, that's all really I have to say on the subject of Bill Clinton and the inauguration, but there will be, I have to make some air time available later in this program for the pilot of a new series. So, you might want to stay tuned for that in the meantime, Chicago, ladies and gentlemen, Chicago Illinois where I was last week, I, you know, I saw something there that I don't think while I'm sure I've never seen before, I don't think I'll ever see it again unless I go back to Chicago. The, the, the windy city you must understand and people in Chicago, you, you know, I'm telling the truth here, they really care about things being big in Chicago, they have the world's tallest building, the world's biggest,

air busiest airport, they like things big, not to say that sometimes they are good too, but they are big, hence this bar in a hotel where I stayed, and I'm not a bar person, ladies and gentlemen, but you know, you do some hotel time, you're going to find yourself saying, why should I pay a guy $8 more to bring up a glass of soda water, I'll go down to the bar. So, it's a huge, huge, huge bar with like more bottles of stuff you can order than I, I think I've ever seen in my life, more different bottles of different things you can drink, it really is your liver's worst nightmare. But that's, you know, so it's a big bar, but set in front of the bottles are, as you walk in, you'll see not a, an espresso machine or a cash register or any of the other pertinences that you might expect to find at a bar.

There's a synthesizer, there's the synthesizer, here, I'll say it for you, synthesizer, on the bar, just standing up on the bar, and then you notice that a little way down, there's a very tiny drum kit sitting on the bar. And soon enough, the guys who've been, it's a sexist term, but forgive me for this one, manning the bar, sort of, well they don't sort of anything, they actually do climb a ladder, climb a brass ladder. Hey, you know, it's a nice hotel, brass, brass ladder. And get up on this bar, which is, can you see from here to here, ladies and gentlemen, where I'm holding my hands, it's really no wider than two feet, a two feet, two foot wide, little bar, bar area, it's where the, where the bottles are that they're showing you how much you could drink if you wanted to. There's like no room to move, and a synth player, trombone player, sax player, bass player, I didn't see the drummer they were using the drum machine in the synth, all get up on this little area where there's like no room to move, and start playing music.

They're your bartenders, they're your musicians, and they're standing up there. There's not enough room for the bass player to tap his foot to what I'm trying to tell you. Only in Chicago, boy, I hope so. The other thing I've learned on this, on this little sojourn is that, ladies and gentlemen, you must be careful. This is just me giving you a word of advice. Now, you've probably figured out this, by this time, from the princess die phone calls that have been overheard that cellular telephones are not a place for private conversations, right? Do we know this yet? They can be eavesdropped on. They're a place to say, hey, I'm stuck on the freeway, I'll be home in half an hour late. That's what they're for. Anything else? Wait till there's a wire attached and not an FBI wire.

We know this. Okay, I just want to add to your storehouse of knowledge, then, on the subject. If you are so fortunate as to stay in a hotel, and they're all over the place now, that feature, the SpectraVision box, you know, that box? Basically, what you know it as is it's the box that sells you the pay movies in hotels. But it does so many other wondrous things. In many hotels around the country now, you can review your bill, get your messages, and check out all in the privacy of your room using that box. The only trouble is with very little effort, anybody else in the hotel can see your messages and your bill. So, you know, they can know what dirty movies you rented last night.

Just ladies and gentlemen, word to the wise, you know, be careful. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Okay, the members of the focus group have been assembled in the studio next door to listen and they're having their eyeballs and parts of their lower body wired up right now. It should be ready in just a few moments to hear the pilot episode of Clinton something that's coming up moments from now here on the show. Well, something's coming, something's going, but there's one that'll stay for sure. It's a kind of funky, it's a kind of gourmet. You've been your spine and baked the shake, you'll choose. Grab your pony, get on down, get your belly full of wine, and get on down through the battleground for the start of a second line.

I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. Oh yeah, come on, give it to me, give it to me.

I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now.

I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now. I got to hear that second line right now.

Clinton something. I don't get it now. Maybe it's me, but I just don't get it. We were supposed to have a partnership here. Look, Bill, it'd be fine with me. I just don't think it's going to fly. It's got less chance of flying than a puffing in an oil spill. Don't go on me, man. What's wrong with it? You know, George Stephanopoulos goes out and says, Zoe Baird was your choice. That right or wrong, the process of giving you more input into the selection process was,

first of all, you don't want to repeat process. And second, there are too many people around who know I had almost no input into the selection process. Many of them have said so in print. The ones that work for you, you mean? Look, I thought we patched this all up. I should have defended you during the debate when Dan Quail attacked your character. I just, I don't know why. I lost it for a second there. It's fine. I mean, I won, so who cares, you know? Trouble waters under the bridge. Yesterday's gone. I just think there's a way to give you some tube time and while so doing, help me out of this jam. What's Hillary say? She says it serves me right? What? For not appointing her attorney general.

Jim Carvel, please. Hillary, right? I'm Clinton, darling. One moment, please. Lunch at one, Women's Press Association. Meaning it's three, Democratic Women's Caucus. I suppose Bill will be okay at those. I've seen those women. Hey, how you doing, darling? You know how I'm doing, Jim. That's why I'm calling. Hey, look, darling. You're in the land of the big gators now. I know I had to run campaigns in that government. How I wouldn't want to live under any government, let me do it. But inauguration week was going so well. Yeah. I guess I let myself believe in us too much. Hey, darling, you folks put on a great show today. The only thing I could suggest to say there's no bad thing would be to... I don't know, get Michael Jackson to testify to hear it. You know, something like that.

So do it, or up Mrs. Rodham Clinton, but post an emergency call for you online, him. Jim, can you...? I can hold. I'm not in government. Hello? This is a special message for you. So you've got a teenager who's new and down. Press 1 to produce on special fashion and make up discounts from local merchants. Press 2 for information on drug abuse counseling. I've got to get these phones straightened out. Jim... I'm here, darling. Listen, I've been doing a little... I'm taking on this situation. You've been given a lemon here. Why don't you make a little lemon butter sauce with it? You know, they're so good at conferences, wow. Why don't I set up a cornfab on the Holy Immigration issue? You know, talk to things to death. Hmm. This could put some heat on Alan Simpson who wrote the immigration law. Uh-huh. We could have the peruvian couple that used to work for the bear to come and speak. Well, long as you don't pay him. Jim, I think you've made a contribution. Well, that's not here for a darling.

I hope you won't take this wrong way. What's that? I'm gonna say it was my idea. Zoe, this isn't comfortable for me. It's not comfortable for me, either, Mr. President. Well, while the hell don't we sit down? Look, I guess... I guess I owe you an apology. Me? Uh-huh. I told you to stay in and tough it out. I guess I kind of thought this would be like my little thing last year. Oh, look, if I could turn the clock back and hire citizens, I'd do it. Oh, I know that. Even if he'd just hired aliens, you know, clangons or something, I think that could have worked for us. Too late for that now.

Yeah, I just wish you'd told me everything. I did. You didn't tell me about not paying the social security taxes. That's the one that really hurts. How can you pay taxes on illegal aliens without getting them busted? You're the lawyer. I'm not the only one. You're husband. And Hillary's? Okay, look, Zoe, I... I'd love to stand with you and fight the good fight on this one, but don't go on it. Not even a woman like you. I don't know any other way to say this. You're the Americans. You're in Vietnam. You just got to pull out. Okay, I understand. I thought I was coming to work for somebody with some backbone, but all right, I'll... I'll fix you a statement as soon as I get back to the hotel. You want to take portable facts along? Do it from the car.

I'm dying here. You got it. I guess I'm supposed to say I'm sorry, Mr. President. Oh, don't think twice. It's all right. But Zoe, despite everything that's happened this week, I want you to know that as far as this White House is concerned. Yes. You've got a friend. Music Youth flanks and middle-aged power. It all adds up to... Clinton's something. Music Music As a child, you have a dog.

You see this dog sitting in her chair. You watch her face. Her knees apart. Her eyes and legs. And the secret is there. She seems to. She seems to. She seems to have a wife. She seems to. She seems to. She seems to. Have a wife. Music Pick up the stick. Dig up a crack. Third in the street. It becomes a town. All over the people. Depend on you. Not to hurt them. Or bad stick out. And they seem to.

They seem to. They seem to. Have a wife. They seem to. They seem to. They seem to have a wife. Music Pick up the stick. Music Pick up the stick. Music Pick up the stick. Music Pick up the stick. As a child. You see yourself. And wonder why.

It can't seem to move. And on the door now. Feel like a thing. One foot on the sidewalk. Too much to prove. You learn. You learn. You learn. You learn to have a life, you learn to, you learn to, you learn to have a life. Okay, and answer to the inquiries. All I can tell you is Shaquille O'Neill, as far as I know, did not rent the NBA's greatest bloopers tape. All right? Enough said department. So we know what's where Clinton is for the next little while, but you know, George Bush really thought he was going to win last November. And so he's flown down to Houston, Texas, and he's got this rented house that some people have provided for him because it's real home.

As you may know, in Houston, has been and continues to be to this day, a, a tiny hotel room. It's basically just for tax purposes, don't you know? But he's building, he's going to build, he's going to build this day. The question is, does he have any other plans? None have been announced so far. We know he'll end up somewhere. We'll see where soon, here on the show. Now you say you never met my wife. If you ain't never seen her before, say you ain't been hanging around my crib. Well, here's something I want to know. I want to know what in the world is going down.

And I come, my dog don't bark when you come around. I got to pay this dog here by anybody. He been my little brother, took a chunk out of my old sweet little mother. He been the mailman, he sees him every day. He takes more look at you, he want to jump up and play. Now I ain't got a clue, it's the what you put down. But I come, my dog don't bark when you come around. My dog is dangerous, try to fit people straight. Even though the band dogs find and hook it on the gate. Here you come tripping about a quarter to nine. Pulling that night train while I'm trying to slide past this track. My dog then, I know it ain't bad, you know mine. That's my dog when I come home, you don't sleep that sound. I come, my dog don't bark when you come around.

I still don't like it, I don't dig it one damn bit. Wearing my dog so tight, something don't fit. Now I slip through the alley, I call my dog. Stick it above your rusty duct. Move a little faster to your old master, your coy, you, you. He took one look at me, he growled, and it ran straight to you. Now somebody's been confusing my whole mind. Now I want to know what's going down. I come, my dog don't bark when you come around. Maybe I've been called up to Kobe and mine. And you can take the dip, oh man, man, that is better stand up for your rights. Because you might not be standing too long.

I'm going to stop all this confusion. I'm going to fight at home, shoot that dog down. Then I'm going to get busy mutilating, strangling, popping, and then pre-mating my old lady down at the pre-mation station. Then I'm going to talk to that too, and come right on after you. And you can give your heart and soul a charity. All the rest are going to belong to me. I'm going straight down to that bob of supplies shop, get near. Well, hand, double-edged, high-leg ground, super blue-blade, adjustable, stainless steel, home-dash, both blades on the same side. So when I cut you once, you're going to bleed twice, bone and tongue, and if you don't believe me, shake your head. It'll be singing, I ain't got nobody. Because one night I did a little FBI double-edged, seven-type investigate.

You and only thought I was gone, but I wasn't gone. That's why I had to separate you from your ground. In the oldest sound you're going in, when you six feet in a ground. How come my dog didn't bark when you came around? But now wait a minute, that doesn't look stiff at all. No, it doesn't. And yet there's no alcohol in it, not a drop. That must be something kind of a breakthrough-type thing. It sure is. George Bush joins TV's most excited women, Cher and Laurie Davis, the big fat hair lady. A stonishing hair discovery goes on locations of Texas. Ha, I guess I shouldn't say this out of school, Argentina, but Barr does silver up her hair a little bit.

Oh, well, my new six-in-one spray list spray would be perfect for her. Hey, it'd even be good for me. The ex-president joins the growing list of celebrities who just can't help loving Laurie and her amazing products. See it for yourself all this month, on the channel near you that needs fast cash. I feel so good. I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight. I feel so good. I'm going to take someone apart tonight. They put me in jail for my duty in a ways. Two years, seven months, and sixteen days. They're back on the street, and I purple the haze. And I feel so good. I feel so good.

I feel so good. I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight. I feel so good. I'm going to mix somebody's dead tonight. I feel so good. I'm going to mix somebody's dead tonight. I'm all enough to sin that I'm too young to vote. This society been dragging on the tail of my coat. But I've got a suitcase full of 50 pound notes. And I have a naked woman with a tongue down my throat. And I feel so good. And I feel so good. I feel so good. I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight. Then let me pay for the things I've done. Now it's my turn to have all I've found.

I feel so good. I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight. I feel so good. I feel so good. I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight. I feel so good. I'm going to break somebody's heart tonight. Break somebody's heart. Brick somebody's

Well, this whole Zoey Baird thing not to be confused with the old D to Beard thing for People who remember old presidential scandals has reminded us again of the power of talk radio and I got to get me some of that So if you'd like to participate in a brief telephone gimmick Here's the number 212 267 9621 tell me what rock and roll group would you like Bill Clinton to reunite 212 267 9621 The water came through my way Well a fair step and took in You know the water came through my head Well, not sucking Jesus on the other side

Making up a dying bed, that's why I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, going home to gain Jesus I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, packing up to getting ready to go Well, in my diet I belong on my dying bed Boyz all I want you to do for me Just know my dying here, that's why I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, going home to gain Jesus I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, packing up to getting ready to go Well, take my body to the church Oh, my friend be more Boyz all I want you to do for me Just thinking of them when told that's why I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, going home to gain Jesus I'm packing up and getting ready to go Well, take my body to the church Oh, my friend be more Boyz all I want you to do for me

Just alone my body now That's why I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, going home to gain Jesus I'm packing up and getting ready Oh, packing up to getting ready to go Oh, going home to gain Jesus I'm packing up and getting ready to go Oh, packing up to getting ready to go All right, it's telephone gimmick time, higher on the air Hi Harry, the question is silly The question is stupid, here's a much more important thing Well, the host is silly How property the day has got here the door Oh The late Earl Shive And some guy you've never heard of Simon Pots from Capital Records Who bought some land in Hawaii Wow Where did Piazadora buy herself Piazadora bought Yeah, see smart Markets down by But one thing you don't know Right in the same island that you're on right now Yeah She is a lawsuit with Donald Trump Over $100,750 a month home at Trump Tower

Ouch, well now see Who do you root for in that? I think the husband finance here He's guilty of rickless driving as far as I'm concerned Thanks for the call, hi, you're on the air What rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? I thought it would be nice to reunite the move And bring where I would back alive You know, that's, I could stop right here I agree with that Excellent suggestion Thank you for the call Hi, you're on the air What rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? Hey Harry, this is Jim Hi Jim How are you doing? This is my Jim This is your Jim I like to think of you as my Jim Well Jim, do you have an answer to the question? Or did you just want to get some air time? I wanted to get some air time and say Credence Clearwater, right, Mr. Credence Clearwater One of them is, I think, no longer with us In that special way, you know Maybe he could work that out All right, maybe he could do use the drum machine Thanks Jim That was Jim, ladies and gentlemen Hi, you're on the air What rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? I think it should be the move We could play my generation, you know Well, you know what I figured they could play for him

When he starts dealing with Saddam Hussein he is Not get fooled again Well, yeah See? There you go There you go, thanks And there he goes Hi, you're on the air What rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? Do you think there's a chance He could get the Bay City rollers back together again? You know, I don't think they ever split up I just think they aren't doing as well Really? Yeah Okay, but thanks for the idea Hi, you're on the air What rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? Flayer Which? Flayer Flayer All right I thought that was a soap Hi, what rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? Well, you got your picket too, Harry It's got to be either the original little feet We're stealing Dan Well, the original little feet Yeah, we're dealing along the same lines there Yeah, it's a bit of a challenge Yeah, take some doing Yeah, Dan, I'd say Dan then There you go All right, thanks That's two votes for there you go Hi, you're on the air What rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? Is that me? Yes Oh, okay Well, it's a toss-up of the band of Gypsies You remember them, Jimmy Hendrix and Buddy Ma

Uh-huh Yeah And Spinal Tap Okay, that is a toss-up That's our toss-up answer, thank you Hi, you're on the air What the rock band should Bill Clinton reunite? It'll have to either be the original Fairport Convention or Dino Desi and Billy Excellent choice, thank you, sir I know I think Dino, Desi and Billy are all available Hi, what rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? You know which one, Harry? What, the Portland Trailblazer? The Portland Trailblazer Yeah, they busted a little while back Hey, they're only one game out here How about your Lakers? They can't win without me, they need me there They do need you, they really suck I'm not giving any more air time to say things like that Hi, last call, what rock group should Bill Clinton reunite? The Monkeys Yes, thank you, sir Yes Thank you all for Playing our telephone gimmick Yes, it was a silly question It's a silly show Well, ladies and gentlemen, I gotta just get me some more of that

that pine forest or gardenia farm explosion I gotta hop in a cab driven by a guy who even if I tell him where he's going, won't know and get my myself, my bad self on out of here If you would like a cassette copy of this program or any La Show broadcast it's easy, just send a check for $15 made out to Century of Progress Productions tell us the date of the show you desire and send your request to you heard him on the air, you know him now He's like one of your own, he's Jim at La Show 1900 Pico PICO Boulevard Santa Monica, California in 04-05 Well, ladies and gentlemen, unless

I'm nominated to be Attorney General I'll be back with another edition of La Show next week at the same time over these same stations from Honolulu to Manhattan Think of it, I don't think of it Think of more important things But it would, it would ease my flight back to know that you would be planning to join me then would you? Alrighty, thank you very much, huh? And don't use that video check out now Music La Show comes to you from Century of Progress Productions and originates through the facilities of SAAS Oh, by the way, thanks very much to Sarah Spitz of KCRW for making today's show possible and to Chris Bronder Bonder here at WNYC SAAS I say, why that's a satellite service

of KCRW Santa Monica, a community recognized around the world as the home of the homeless you you

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