Inner-View; Interview with Joan Rivers

Interview with your host Joe soup and. The subject is show business and the person is the one and only Joan Rivers. I am. Now you've taken this and something you injured your fist my polo pony stepped on my toes and that's a broke two toes. How does that affect you when you walk on a stage. It affected Well last night. I worked at one high heel to show my hands shoes dyed to match and one last because I could get a ring on one flat and the audience was in shock. Also I thought that a physical I am so you know I was in a verbal and every I get up to want to do something you want to go. But I'm so it's very hard last night. I don't sort of the audience you know because you have a person hobbling around doing jokes. But it's that I got sympathy I got bigger applause a David Ranta. So to keep it in the act you know one of the things we forget about that show business is a very physical as well as anything else. You know you forget that because I would think once it was true alas I realize I said I was doing maybe four minutes during the act it's a lot. You always write when you write here why do you want to

talk to them. And it's you get a good workout. It's a robot can detain you. You know it's good for the heart. It makes me ask though what do you do to warm up and do you have to physically warm up nothing nothing. Juliette Prouse just to get me nauseous because she would warm up backstage. I do know that I am like Winston Churchill when you get the urge to exercise let lie down for half an hour it will pass and that's it. He said that and I totally agree with him because he's dead doesn't matter. When did you wonder that Star Line didn't win Larchmont When did you know you were funny. My wedding night. I am glad I have the guy that sells the vibrators crackdown. On the big I was always wary I was always funny in school and I went to a very difficult college Barnard which is this is the school of Columbia and I was always in with the

intellectuals because they always made them laugh. They would talk about Moby Dick and I would do the joke you know and say and so I always knew I was. That's got you through life as it was funny which is a good thing to know because my daughter is funny now and I go thank God because that means I should be able to get through life. Why did you have to be funny and I'm sure you watch. Because the only kid uglier than me in high school was a jar in biology class I mean there was just I was not a pretty person and so you got to develop other things. That's a beautiful women are never humorous. You never heard here comes Gretta Garbo she's got a lovely question which I mean. And when you meet a woman it is very very very pretty and is funny if you look back in the life you'll find that. Something had been totally redone usually you know they say or they didn't start out that way because it gorgeous everything is given to you when you look in our society you're rare.

There aren't too many women on stage and there surely aren't too many comedians. Women now thank God to do women comedians grab you or not. Are they different. Why is this lady funny. What is it that makes a woman funny is it. Is it something that is kind of gee is awkward to have a woman tell a joke you expect a man to and not a woman. No I think it's an exaggeration to take a situation and exaggerate it because we know at Pola point in the step on her foot we know what the polo pony pony didn't step on your foot we don't believe. Oh yes I am. I have to say I'm right but you know the old commo women's place is in the home and not on the stage right. Not necessarily. Well when it comes to a funny comedian or whatever doesn't have a sex it can be funny it could be just as the

individual let in the man of the woman. She's funny I don't look at her as being a funny woman she's just funny as hell and I was tired because a lot of the women comedians now are going around saying there's such thing as woman Seumas it is man's here I don't believe it. Funny he's just funny as a sexual funny is funny. You never say I'm going to go look at a funny man. I would if I were you just as somebody cracks me up when I was Lily Tomlin or as Richard Pryor. Somebody make sure laugh and sat in there asking all these questions a man nowadays they say what is the most that you want in a woman. The first thing they always say I want a woman that has a sense of humor. If you got a sense of humor you're automatically so she'd with everyone in every room you. Yeah but not in the back and just. Well of course we all remember he was not blue humor. Yeah but they never say the Playboy bunny. Has she got a good sense of humor.

Yeah i'm always been a man's woman and every man I ever knew said a woman was a sense of humor and I think that you were on the hit parade of every man in the world they had a lead in certain rooms. The fact was it always this way when you first started in New York City or in Chicago or any of these places did you have problems when you go back. Oh yes. Oh in the beginning it was very difficult. We want to see and know if I had a choice as the unknown male comic Unknown Woman comic I was so prefer to see the man. And that's just because of my bringing up of that era. But I was very hard to stand up on no one as a woman and make people laugh. But now that's all changed to now again so he walks on stage. You give him five minutes and they make you laugh as a matter WHAT they are jealous about the first time you worked as a comedian professionally. Probably in Greenwich Village. And. That was a great year that was the 60s that was when we were all that there I was down there Carol Burnett in a cabinet already hit your store. But the cause is with me with Terry Riley played the piano and I was my pianist. I have pictures of me talking and Barry

behind looking very bored. It's like this. And that middle was coming out and it was wonderful because we all knew each other. Linda Lavin she was a comedian she started asking me George Segal and it was very exciting work for free we were all over the place. Rodney Dangerfield was much older than all of us that time but was his terrible Dick Cavett we were almost doing the same six several clubs together and it was wonderful because we all knew each other. We were funny I was like a renaissance tremendous excitement. What was it like when the first time in Greenwich Village you get up there is already which was horrendous. Oh I'm sure I played places I was fired from every legitimate job I had. Over the first three years of my career. Because I stank. When you look back you weren't ready. But they would book you. And then you would go someplace and you just weren't good enough and I never I would take the humiliation of coming back the next day to get your clothes your makeup is devastating.

So I would take days then on all my makeup my clothes with me. Every job I played I was playing the MGM Grand. I was the fifth time I was already MGM you know and my husband said look if you walk into a lobby like this. And that was with the first time I stopped taking stuff up to my room I was so superstitious there was still fire me and I just had to go down the next day and explain as you're packing up. Did you do jokes vs. comments. When you're first on it I did sing it. I was singing I'm in love with mystically until I was singing stuff because cabinet was very big and she had done I'm in love with John Foster Dulles shot heard at the top and she didn't sing ins I became a singing comedian. But your body was pathetic. And then in the middle like you would start a song then in the middle you would do a monologue. You know it was and then you would finish the song. I'm just wild about Harry you would do it in the middle Harry Harry where are you. And I'm just to stupid monologues you know I'll never get that. Wonderful. See these hot chicks you've got the big cigar at the amount that was the humor.

And you won the lottery. And then from there I went to Second City and that's when you learn to do your own stuff. Second problem with a comedian when he's starting out particularly is he doesn't know the difference between his good and bad material. Absolutely. And you still don't know. The audience tells you. I will come and say you are a joke I think is the best joke in the world and I will. Show it and they will go. Oh yeah. And then you as a dumb joke you just throw you know the end they love and you go oh you still don't know what's good till later they tell you right back. I have a stupid joke I say to women now. But you got not because I got a dumb joke right. But then you go heavy. Thank you guys. And I was like a throw away line I put it in when I thought. Let's and some jokes you say oh are they going to love this and they just go. Yes.

Really interesting you know and that's where you say well OK I'll take. Now when you're starting out you can afford writers. You do most of your own material or just grab on those days I didn't know I was a writer so I would steal a lot of television. Just take it I went to John Joe and I'm what about you. I bought every joke with that was Charles or Robert is a man's name and he put out this terrible joke books my wife so fat when she sits around the house she sits around the house. And I would do those jokes and that's you star and little by little I would begin to put my own things in. So became a mishmash of people I was stealing from and then as you start to do better better begin to notice your jokes are the ones they really laugh because it comes at you. So then it became a matter of pride that also that you only did your own material. And also my group which was Woody Allen and Dick Cavett and Richard Pryor and Louis we all were very proud that you do your own material but you don't do anybody

else's. And very often. You may come up with the same joke but that's totally different. I've come up with George KAHN I think very much alike and I'm I've come up with two instances now where he claims it's his job and I truly believe it's he. It is Joe. But I know where I was when I thought of this. You know so it just happens that way. Or maybe just a lie or he's stealing from me. You're a comedian. Yes my name's Gary but I'm a comedian I'll say it slowly your name again is Gary Bruno and I'm a comedian or you took my joke. Am I not going to let you know when you. Finally develop and decide what kind of humor was accepted by the audience by you and got your handle so to speak. Do you ever get bored and want to go into something else that you're for a day one except now when you're constantly and you must do it one sixty or you should be shocked. Otherwise you over. But everybody likes you when you're the grand old person a comic you are. Oh. I always have something with an edge in my act I'm

always Oh let me see if I can talk about that. Let me see if I can stretch to here. Absolutely. Do you find yourself locked in where they don't want to let you go to something else. You still do but you don't put it there and just sandwich it in there you know the last 15 minutes what they remember that Laurence Olivier let's drop names. So whether he is a tough tough. Tell me they have to like you he said he plays every so fantastic even as dramatic world as he said he plays the first five minutes then for comedy. Because they should like you. So I always put. Heavyweight things up front. Then I put my experimental is in the middle and then I end again going out with things I know they will like. Because as you walk away happy they paid their money. But you should put that always never away. Always keep trying. See if I can do this see if I could talk about that. I don't think we sell Boy Blue and then anyone can get us all to another commie.

I like what would you learn from someone like Joan Rivers. Well I think I will learn that funny is good. Funny is money right funny though you know I need to point out that yeah that money is poverty but funny is good in the sense that when she goes out. John what I have seen of her and she delivers her things she aims to be funny. She doesn't aim to be too teacher she doesn't aim to do to be anything else but she aims to be funny along the way I know she does some very inside things and hit things and so forth but her main object is to be funny and I think that's what you mean paid for you know what I find young and it young learn young comedians and showcases and comedy workshops and things. They say well I'm going to work loose and they forget that they have to tell a joke. Yes but they're all that's a learning process. It's like see how much they say having a second city which is you know totally about possession right. But we also have a more

what is the Chicago Second City was out of Chicago and I was in the group with Barbara Harris and Alan Arkin at that time and me and a lot of people. AB Schreiber and we've been directed by Mike Nichols and always give you you know first lines last lines well see second so you know in television they know pretty much what it is. And I. Was all improvisational and you work for truth but if you didn't have funny the truth you never do that again. Nobody was say. Isn't that true. They all go guard at Shaw and it was he an idiot right. That's what you want. And I learned that at Second City you would go some nights for 10 minutes without a laugh. And I mean you see the audience coming slowly toward you and not for a standing ovation. And you have to be funny first of your committee got to be funny. Then my working Also I found you're always fresh. Oh you have seen I was there were you all these weeks ahead. There are dozens and dozens of times on the Carson show and the kind of appearances you always are

fresh you know the host and you drive accomplish it. We're as opposed to you know to some who don't you know they they have a few minutes here that's very successful and that's all you ever get to you might but then you've got to keep trying more. You know you have to like anyone if you see our Joan Rivers on which And I'm sure you know what. What is effective. Or about her on the small screen like that. She comes across very well. She's very funny on television I've seen some comedians in person and some on television and you don't get the same effect. And I've seen John in person and I've seen her on television. And either way I don't even watch the Johnny Carson Show. I only watch it when. Somebody is hosting like Joan and then I watch it and I say thank you for commit suicide because we won't even mention that you

said that. I especially when she had Robert Mitchum on and I really want to know where you get excited. All right so this was the worst interview I ever did because it was Robert Mitchum. I was in love with the lies and he met us saying that during the commercial I did make a run the free market was good. What is the pressure of a show like that about material. Tremendous pressure tremendous pressure to come up with a new monologue each time hosting now 70 times over the summer which is wonderful again we just you know they show me the day said Take what you want and then they fill it with people. So I was just so that's one tremendous pressure 70 mile logs my I'm crazier is that the pressure of getting guests that you like. And you have to get the dish on what we get most of my manager like. We get them we give them a lesson and they say yes or no and then they say no to everybody because the cars are the wrong

and they give you they want instead the pressure made sure the gas comes off and looks good. The pressure making sure that it's entertaining for some people but I met you was not that much fun. I mean you know I was a guy but I was so glad I didn't care I thought was brilliant. It was until much later I realized after he left that he was not on the right. It's a tremendous pressure and that show and also I'm glad I'm sorted with the questions. So I had to write the questions big like an idiot you know me. And so as I come I gain weight I gain like you a show like because John I gained seven pounds from Monday to Friday. Because I'm so nervous I said back they say. Meal cookies. I just bring them in. I just eat to go on camera and then the last night I was in really loose. It's we often think about the young comedian who used that exposure he has to be great on The Johnny Carson show he doesn't have the Greenwich Village to do

his bad stuff. It's right out there ad but the same pressures is for someone like you almost for a new comic I think you're kind of to all come back they say oh no. Let's get some new stuff here we heard that we heard that it's got to be fresh over time. It's got to be new material time and as you just go find those wonderful jokes that work. I must try every night I tried four or five new jokes in the act. If in the end of the week I have two jokes and a solid that go into my act. It's been a good week. It's very slow. We'll be right back with Joan Rivers and talk about Las Vegas entertainment. Oh. Yes. Thank you. We want the one and only Joan Rivers.

Thank you and you have been playing Las Vegas for how long. Take Zach Anner playing Las Vegas. My daughter was two years old. I'm glad I was those 12 years 12 years 12 years and it's been a it's been great to me boy. You know it's been some city to me. And I think one of the forty six I know the many times I know personally that there are people who do contact you and want you to headline and you constantly refuse. Never why never I love when I am on the bill. I know I bring in people. I am the best bargain in town. You know I'm saying yes because they get a week headlining at opening Monday so everybody's happy go Taylor was thrilled. The person I'm with on the bill was thrilled because they know we're going to do great business because I'm bringing my own people in. And yet the ego the headline was still there that you know it just works out great. And I'm thrilled that I have no pressure I'm to go said that. I'll never get anybody and you know I mean. And so it's wonderful position to be in. And I. Love it I

will stay there forever all the time I headlines when with David Brenner. Because I think that such a spectacular team that together we give him a marvelous show. How did that come about. DAVID I thought he was an idiot when he asked me he said do you want to work with me I said Are you crazy. NO Was it your comics are soo boring. And we tried it and it's wonderful it's just magic it's fun and we're very good friends. I think that's what makes it work. I think it comes across to be and we work together. There's such warmth on that stage because I love him and we have a show of you know competition a lot of you on chairs and fielding questions from the audience and he's protective of me and I adore him back. And it all comes of course you know and that's what makes it work. Because listening is what he do he did for you that sort of love. It's like. They love him that's good. It's such a war was like where I feel my child doing well. I can't believe it's a very competitive. I cannot believe it. I stand back they say well I love David.

Good good good. You know wait a second you know and I know you want to celebrate it you know where they are is just a whole different thing. And the audience senses that. One of the people who you recognize and everybody I love are. You. It's really a pleasure to have you here Sunny and out for how long have you gone back in Las Vegas. July 4th 1955. And of course you played with Jimmy Durante for twenty six years twenty six years and now the nature of the town in this time. How did it change drastically drastically you don't you don't work as a as a joyful thing I like Jones said. You have to work as a competitive thing because people see well John

has been in this town for 12 years and it's all had Sonny's been in this town since 55 it's all that. So it keeps us on our toes. We work ahead of our time you know and we keep updating our own act. And that's the reason it looks fresh that is the reason because you have to be up there you know. I don't do top 40 but people I come to see me know that I'm not going to do Top 40. I will be today but I will not be top 40. I will not be something I'm not you know. So even though you're talking about the pressure now are you even though you takes one pressure off by not having to be the headliner but you're still under a great deal of power when Ike of course had a great deal of pressure you got it. But it's good I think keeps you on your toes I think it's good for us. Yeah get complacent. I don't sit back and say well you know I have and then I won't be here. That's right. For quite a long time and what's funny about you know she's like she's got the both capital peas. She's either

a panda that you love to cuddle or she becomes a Purana you know. And when she attacks somebody she attacks them and she doesn't care. Is that accurate. Definitely. You can't I only attack the biggest Oh yes. No you wouldn't get your stuff from the Queen of England and she's live in my on her Christmas list. I mean she puts up her own preserves. From the chaplain chair Philip I live again. She didn't tell us her pony that stepped out of his presence and I think that's where I was. But she's I mean no matter where she is she said I mean we've met a few times and in the more. Yeah you know and she's always like this you know waiting for something to happen waiting for something to answer. You know it's not being it's not being on constantly it's just like being

a mother to her work. And so that's what she is she's a mother but what about the problem of this John of of even in this setting right now. Are you always under pressure to be funny. And this is of course. At home not at all a mother you know saying my dogs I think I'm funny. How did this. No of course you're an obligation to be funny. The problem of celebrity status in the Boulevard Mall or anywhere else pleasure. OK any celebrity that tells you that I am so grateful I am so lucky. Never my work you know are also lucky people come up to you. Yes let me thank you God. I dread the day it goes away and I'm so bored with all these people coming all my friends say I can't take it they won't leave me alone. Yes we have a $400 boot. You got two choices here. I I look I don't mind it all I want I want to be

alone by myself. I own my house and that's it. Have a terrific cast. And no we're noisy a madhouse if you work at foreign lettuce on order. How do you combine a family life with a show business like very very hard it was very hard. When Melissa was growing up you make your own time and you have to stick with us and you have. We had very little social life because when I was home I wanted to be lesser. And so I think my husband suffers more than anybody but he's part of the business he understands. So you're just your priorities change when we're home I don't go out I make sure we have dinner at home always with the kid as we call her. And that's where the phone goes off the hook in the evenings or was no work at 6:30. Because you know you're the mother. I get up every morning at home and take it to school. That's a picture of the sunglasses in the cupboard over the bathroom. She remember Monica. Not now Melissa.

Do you get people critics who would say some people in the audience they want to she want to stay home with your family well how dare you do this. I got one area in Niagara Falls I'm going back to North Tonawanda. I read a review that said I was a bad mother. I don't what. In God's name. How do you know. Whether I'm a good mother bad mother. How the hell would you know North Tonawanda. I'm going back this summer. I have that scams and they're going to get them. What about criticisms in general that people write about you. Do you read everything I know everything you've written about me I know it's wonderful and you say God Chaucer wins right this time. Obviously the drugs have all been put away and you remember yes you know and it's very hard it's very hard for critics when you're not new to see you again again again and still have something to say if you say because like Vegas when we come back with Sonny when you come back every five weeks they know you.

And they know and they say the act sounds so repetitive and so I wish they wouldn't come they would come like every six months they could see the difference in what's happening because it goes so slow your act if that makes sense. Yes but I you watch you is everything they say. So as you Greiss you don't agree. But you don't always have to hurt you they're out to give you what they think is happening. How are things changing in your. Eye. I know my style is changing. We go back and we hear I've got a place where I did maybe even four years ago at the MGM. Much more caustic now I strike out much more. I think I'm much more service than I used to be. Just turn people off. No I think I just have the stature a little bit more than I had. There. They'll take it from me now because they know she's really OK if that makes sense. When the old days it know me so well so little worry when I say I was a tailor so fast. Now I know she doesn't really mean it's let's see let's see if you know me and I think that change was much more

fun for me. Change of language are things you can say on our stage you can't say on TV does that work against you. I think it works for you I thought when I was pregnant Melissa I was on the side of the Jacksons I was pregnant I was nine months out you know I'm telling you the brawl in the 10th time. And I had to say soon I will hear the patter of little feet Mr. Sullivan. I literally could not say you can say pregnant and now you can say concentrate or a douche. You know say I see what they say the rule on television which is right if they can do a commercial about it that I can talk about it you can have a lady walk around say to a friend at lunch. What do do you use and that's a commercial that I'm allowed to comment on that now. So what we have is a new commercial you know. Yeah. Women can identify I'm sure with a visit to the gynecologist how to do men how do they react to your marriage. I think it's funny. I see guys like you if you're letting me it okay. Yeah that's basically I

like it. She does the whole thing on going to the kind of an apologist and courage is anyone who gets a gynecologist appointment and keeps it and then from there goes all is one of the stuff OK. I feel as an audience that you're letting me in on in in an area that I wouldn't necessarily know and therefore I'm in on something which is not only intimate but hilarious and that and also I think you could relate maybe because you go to the proctor BARASSI right. Any time they get you undressed over the age of five it is a humiliation for all of us i'm so I mean I think just if you have it and that's what it comes down to I think maybe identify because of that. Yeah. Because I take away a cloak there's no way I can be sure. Now will you allow for a different way. You've been doing a gynaecologist routine for how long. I did it the first time in 19. I say exactly. This is thousand nine hundred seventy six.

Let's give it up. No see it's changes. One day I'll bring you my richest gynecologist. There's that one joke left there's the same joke. My original joke was when examined it was my first joke ok. And so at that one thing is the same. And they would share the whole thing with him doing the jokes. Right. Is only a year old bow and even those jokes to change it. So but the area is still the same. There was that funny. How do doctors groups feel about. Oh I got our scary series and laugh. He has that man's nose as you as where I got it off from. He has no sense of humor. None of them do. And maybe it's better I like to pretend they're dead men. You know I mean I think you know you don't want to miss a personality down there with my guy it's just you and you're always going.

What made you think of that routine to begin with. By dying I had a gynecologist to go to him. The man is in California and you're 20 stories up but you're facing of the building and he doesn't have blinds and I said. Nothing's going on over there I said Don't you believe that for a second. There are 38 perverts like that and I was even to keep the door open or they put you facing a window that was my first my little joke and that got laughs You know I was like and I just changed out of the door open I could see in the waiting room but I would just leave the door open and in the nurses to go into your pocketbook. You can't do anything on the steps and she's got in your pocket. And it just hit every woman has every woman has to go and every woman dies when you're there. I never met a friend.

Oh god guy that just hit a chord like that you go thank you god I got another area. So this is an area which makes it kind of funny and you can all relate. Well what you said to where it lets you in on something that you wouldn't know about and once you get away from the office it is kind of funny when you're talking with your friends but just really I don't know what it is but my husband when we went he thought it was the most you know funny thing you've ever heard. And I said yeah yeah All true and you want to know it's interesting. I never play for only men. Because when you do watch over us childbirth I mean you know my act God knows childbirth women's problems. So it's very woman oriented on the record we have a say please work for the Ford dealers and I'll give you money got new cars and then you say otherwise going to be there and they go you go.

But shampoo. I made it you know get your runs because when you do offer manner what you talk about has to be with a wife. Otherwise I never work for male audiences. John is talking about the difficulty and challenge of updating you finest too I guess. Well yes. I came from a you know an early Jimmy Durante where he couldn't update his act he tried it a few times and he would live if you get we open the shaper in Chicago in time and he brought a piece of business for $55000 and it was a 25 minute piece. Dr Worthington Mr. Clinton and me when he came out of the top patent tails but one of those. And gloves that that never stopped coming off you know and people looked at him and said Where's Chuck and where's where will you be with who will be with you when I'm far away. And everything went down the tubes.

The first show and we had to come up with this dirty oil had the second show and the wrinkled suit and says what he thought and folks would be butchered and they screamed they loved it. You see but he was he was like a WC Fields and the George Burns the owner and the cornea they get the better you see but this is an updated lady you know they women relate to her as as like one of the pioneers who will go into a gynecologist and poke fun at something that they wouldn't dare poke fun at one of the many things you say Sunny is the expense of material and I think gamble on that. Fifty five thousand dollars. Yes I saw Abbie Lane's act you remember I was a good friend I spent $60000 and got a whole new act. I was there with her. Doesn't it. I was right. And aggravated with it and it didn't work didn't work to change it back to old. And the sensational. Yes but I never. And I gave her puppets. They gave her a proper of Martin Luther

King Do you remember that. Somebody said you're singing songs to Martin Luther King and Kennedy and I always say now in my own head it's Christ I'm sure that there probably couldn't have been Jesus. But I remember there was Martin Luther King and Kennedy and you were pressed but whatever she did it for one show they had giant puppets and she was a singer because I don't know what about the parasites that that show you scripts that they want you to buy for a couple of thousand that you couldn't even think of writing and child's going to appreciate this because he's a writer you know. I'm trying but other than call him I know well what about the French and anything that you maybe paid for and regretted in your career. Anything less at the start of my career. That's why I wrote my own stuff I thought. I never thought about my own stuff when I came out of Second City. I bought the $300 which in those days to me now we are expanding. Three million dollars I mean I save it in eat lunch I mean the whole thing you know no pity for me at this point thank

God. But I mean I was a kid that you know was on the subway and saving crack is that those days you know for dinner and I paid $300 and I got an act and I did it and it worked. But I was devastated. When we come back we're going to talk about Joan Rivers the writer as well as the comedian. Thank you. Thank. The Mayor. The

subject is show business with the one and only Joan Rivers. Thank you. Joan Rivers is the writer as well as the comedian. We'll say when did you start writing. From the very beginning I will tell them as Fred Sullivan so I always wrote I wrote Candid Camera for that person out front. The meanest man in Christendom. I mean man just Martin extensively but man and I have always written I write my own stuff and I've written two

books now and movie the we are a Broadway play and I'm doing movies but it's very tough. Very tough. One because. There's other people involved and this is when you decide to do a movie it's not just put in your mouth and see if it works on stage. It's a question some say his 12 million dollars are a good person and that's tough to find these morons that much. It must be tough in terms of just scheduler a lot of entertainers to come into town and they spend all their afternoons either playing golf here watching television. You know because you know friends I write every afternoon you know see that's me is wonderful. Except when you go to the mall I'm sure you go to the mall. Well I mean yeah I go to them all right. So every day almost every day I sit down and write and I love it it's wonderful and I'm like. Again with study it's a variable thing when you're a performer you do it and we weren't there. You're never going to see what you did. So whatever the

craft is it's gone. I wish you'd been there as I was a great show but you weren't. So it's up in the air was writing it's there at the end of the day you have that much and then the month you have that much and eventually have a walk and you have something physical that you've done and that is one of your bid for immortality. Oh you just know it's there and you have to say this I mean I wish you would see it is a she. Hilda's that's hard for us and I love to write. Do you see in the future a transition from performing to writing producing directing. I like to do but I love performing I would never give up performing to come on a stage and make friends and you're all laughing together at the end and then you get a check hey you know it's a very. That's dynamite you know and so I would never give that I would love to do prose I was you know the movie of course because I love gravitas ravenous was. A. Wonderful highlight of my life. One of my big is how do you pace yourself generally.

Oh. That's good luck. That also means a wedding if you're saying when I was single Whatever happened my most that means or where you see a man hit by a car was both his legs was I mean the double wedding I was always good. I pace myself I turn off a lot. If you know I'm saying I just I only. I filter out my life very carefully. It sounds stupid but I do and I make sure I write I am writing you can get to me and with my daughter and my husband that's what I do on what has been described. If you're in Las Vegas you have to get prepared and now how do you on wind after the Late Show. Well I get up about 11:30 12:00 and I call my office well I just write breathless and I will write from one to about five. One to six and then you take a break I call the house again talk Melissa and I go and then I go dance about 7:00 and I have a whole war dance of course. You put your makeup on you chat with the dresser

and the whole family your hairdresser and then you just get up for the show and then you do the two shows I made friends between for dinner usually and then afterward I go upstairs I do a lot of stupid work. I answer fan mail. And that brings me down my dear Tina good luck Joan. That's all done after the show I was doing great on Channel 5. For PBS but PBS. Whatever that is always to were all my 9 o'clock Sunday movies I miss because I'm always watching the series as I clock things I love in a cold climate. Well my whining after the late show you're off the stage. I go upstairs and do work because I don't disco and I'm single. I go to a gay bar and dance because a gay bar that I know you're not looking to be picked up. So I go with my hairdresser in my dress and we got a gay bar it's wonderful because I have a good time and nobody thinks oh they is looking for fun you know which put you under another sign of the pressure. Yeah.

GABLER they want you to relax for us because we're not looking for our rights in terms of relaxation for you we have an interesting man here Bobby Morris who works if you don't know maybe some of you know but Bobby Morris would you say has Elvis's musical director and applause applause. Yeah exactly that's right. Thank you have been looking around this business for 30 years I have been here 30 years. The nature of pacing the nature of not only your personal experience what but what happens to someone like Joan Rivers in terms of pacing from your own experience and Elvis and people like that in terms of I'm talking about pacing pacing your act pacing your life pacing your career well everything Jonas has made sense. She seems to pace her act very well and she starts with a strong and then tries her middle of the show new material and then goes out

with material that had a sure fire. So that makes sense. What did you learn from Elvis experience that you could pass on to John or. Well I I learned a lot of things from Elvis I learned that he's he's got an awful lot of girlfriends and. And having the my dressing room next to his was a definite plus Because everybody. So the girls used to hang around my dressing room and he would come in and he didn't care for saying his dress because there was such an entourage of people in his dressing room that it was continually like get massive and everybody all the hanger honors and people would like grabbing at him and all that. So he used to come into my Because nothing was happening in my dressing room. And of course all the girls would find out that my dressing room was next to his that they they come and you know and try to make friends with me and hoping to meet him which they did. So he would get the top of the cream of the lot and I would get the seconds and the seconds weren't too bad either

you know. I was thinking of a really good line for Joan when she was talking about her her body and the woman doctor how to call our house gynecologist. Right he doesn't laugh you know when it comes to see where he's probably on the last album he sees that I'm sad and I would say just. Like you remember with the rest of us that's you know for us sitting here and you're very cute lady and thank you very cute ok you probably got a hell of a body. Yeah you know I'm. Like put yourself down and all that which I think is hilarious. I think she's very pretty. What is the need to put yourself down. Because I could if I was go I just thought I would be funny so that when we talk to you guys there's an awful lot of girls that look a lot worse than you think.

Well good luck to them. Yeah thanks. I don't know about how this yeah I want to know what I want to know about the way you want me to tell you a whole bunch of stories here. Well I want to know you know the kind of problem of the dressing room privacy and people now. Let me give you a little example of this is you murder OK. We had a birthday party one night for this us busy to who was kind of his right hand man and this chef makes a fantastic cake with all kinds of candles and. And I was asked Joe to come over and blow the candles out and as he's running up to blow the candles out he shoves his face right in there and the cake in here and I was looking for to eat that cake so good you know. But he's he's a beautiful man but he did have like overtones of cynicism and caustic you know and he his humor was little by him but he was a very sweet man gentle.

But also things kids are dirt poor. Right. Poor white trash when it came out right. I mean the dirt poor innocent me. I was 17. You're the king of the world. That he even less is always a lesson. I think that Elvis should have been sent to an island somewhere at the height of his career and you know faced reality and just relaxed with about 10 to 20 girls and. You know and pineapples and whatever and just like really gotten away from the whole massive scene because he had reached a level of such enormity beyond comprehension and it was absolutely beyond comprehension. Well like realistically speaking nothing meant anything anymore. It was just nothing like life didn't mean a thing anymore because he had been through the whole thing you know everything and everything. Every Do you worry about do you worry about oh

no my grandmother said she always pray there will always be a want. And I thought that's a very strange and now I understand as I get older. Otherwise life means I think she always wants to make sure we strive as we both mentally and physically and materially always have. Oh I would love that I would otherwise. Life is no surprise life has no goals life is nothing. When was your adjustment when all of a sudden you were on the subway eating better and then all of a sudden you got into the big money that happened slowly also. I hear on the Carson show very hard but I had a very smart manager who said we're not going to jump you too fast you're going to stay in Greenwich Village. So even my money I was very lucky when I graduate. The fame came over and I because in those days you were on course and you have the next I want the bank to kind of check literally and they recognized me I was if you hold this check and for the first time the lady said yes. Instead of saying you crazy you bear Oh I sure Were you funny.

This is great. And so I was very lucky that way. And even now. The money comes in very well but was a poor you know a lot of people we are sending three kids was college right now and like we have many people that would take care of our family. So the money is still out there. If you're I mean it's there but it's not like Elvis I mean I can sell you her nice car have Mercedes because I did my husband's excuses. So what. So that's never really been the problem I have. OK something that we forget is the fact that it's not just Joan Rivers It's Joan Rivers incorporated with a whole new dimension idea of what that means. That means off the top. Well you know sometimes 15 percent goes to America just 10 percent goes to an agent 5 percent goes to publicity man 1 1/2 percent goes to my lawyer bombastic Pushkin who I regret nothing he's fabulous at it take a scholar off me let him go

another one percent want to have his I think goes to my accountant. So it's all off the top. Then you're in show business you got a tip. Everything is extreme the hotels no more freebies in the show when your friends are going to come and see you I get the bilby end of that one. My I'm I paid my own dress I paid my own headdress I pay for my own travel. So it comes through. It goes out and you live very well during this and they and all the Yeah Yeah Yeahs always on the breast milk. So that's you left you doing well and I got a card but you're not living the way people think. I mean you look at your beginning you think this is dynamite and then you realize 70 percent goes out you know. Jones It's so true because with the income tax. You know you're in show business and if you walk in anybody else tips $3 you have to tip $10 you know because as a worker said Joan Rivers as a hell of a Tipper Gore and she let it stay that she's rich you know you know

and I know because Jimmy Durante although you read so many things about and he was a very kind man but he lived in an era when $5 was a tremendous joke you know. And he carried that with him all his life. If there was 10 people with him he'd tip $5 you know in a restaurant and I would have to be behind him and give the guy $20 and Jimmy said How come you're going to show up and. But to him $5 was a big talk but income tax walks up and he said well how come you wearing a $300 suit you know and I'm wearing a forty five dollar suit and you made excellent and I said well it looks good on you. You know. That's the way I have to be I'm in show business people look at me and they they want to see what kind of shoes I'm wearing. They want to see what kind of dress she's wearing. They want to see as she she is she

wearing Mary Kay cosmetics or does she have a woman that that makes her up. But you can tell income tax people that it's very dry in the beginners wear very plain clothes on stage and then I realize I got to say before my I did check Yeah everyone check each other out you know I just I knew I was if I was shine my shoes. And it's I'm so now I'm very careful what I wear on stage. Let me guess be very simple. Now I think they should measure the fine art of saying gee the dress is pretty the bow was nice the shoes Majesty the jewelry and it's all part of being a performer. I want to see a snappy you know just just cause a little extra bit for me you know. It's just a shame that all I was trying to figure out as us are ripping on those numbers. It's a generous 25 30 percent that's closer to 45 percent. That's all. As And then you get people like Elvis who used to walk around and a security guard would throw a girl to say she give Madonna. Given that now when you when a security guy walks may have says I give him $5. He spits in your face. That's what I'm saying. He

waved his take off your ring. We're going to go and. So that for a lot of us because they do get so crazy when when you're that which nothing matters anymore. See I'm waiting for the other way and wait for the fan to take off their fancy watching my personality also there are many stars in show business who are. Very cheap and I'll known to be cheap. Rudy Vallee Rudy Vallee which I heard Van Johnson also was 25 cent ballet tap and so well advised that I did and it hit me now when I'm tired. Every other time it's right. But so do you think that has something to do with what you feel inside about your own image and what you need is to please people. Yes you know I mean to be liked and so forth about your own image when you started out you were saying that she thought I was the ugliest kid in America therefore I took to humor as a thing. How do you feel about yourself now.

I still think I'm very ordinary. I'll tell you right now throw me in a singles bar. Nobody asked me to dance to you might not you know that's what I really believe in Oh absolutely I mean you know I it's very hard and I don't know how to waste because I know who I am I will never get divorced and maybe because I would I like my husband a lot if I was a hot number I say let's see who else I can get I and my husband to live my life. I want to go out on the rack ever again. I went to you remember sitting there waiting to be asked to dance. I am I got my past you I suppose had I had polio. I'm going to quit I'm going to criticize your last remark if I'm going to criticize the host but not because I'm your friend but I have another great friend who thought he was the ugliest guy in the world. And as he grew older he became more and more beautiful. And that is Joe DiMaggio. You take pictures of Joe Joe DiMaggio as a young man you would look at him twice but

today not because of a statue but even if they don't know him he walks in and you know he's in the room. But then the same thing applies to you. Oh I saw the box where your picture when you looked like you hadn't been born March or and. I saw me and said you're much much more. And you come over even more beautiful on TV now but that's also I think seconds. But also because assurance Lily Tomlin is a very good friend of mine when she started out I was a pretty one and I was you know insane and now you look at Lily and she's a lovely little fella still is a little rat in a way I don't feel the matter is changing but a lot of it's also let's not delude ourselves you know Carolyn I just bought a new chain and one is I'm all for classic surgery. I guess what it is with Carol.

Oh yes I knew something was there when a show around the Emmys and they show the 0 0 0 shots a cabaret show right. You see everything has been aired and good for her. Good for all of us. Good. Every lady star and do that face with and do that nose job and pin those ears back. You go through life once you sure look good. And they can do it now. Yes ladies and gentlemen John Rivers is going through life as a singular singular talent and a wonderful woman. Thank you. Thank you. On.

The subject of show business from my point of view the singular media you bring up a lot of people here are going to ask her a lot of questions about her life and show business in general and her life in particular. And I hope you'll join us.