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I'm Cally Crossley This is the Cali cross-link show. When she was barely one day old M. Maris father was killed in Vietnam. It didn't take long for her family to figure out that silence be called acceptance. During the Vietnam War spouses and children of fallen troops learned to keep quiet about the wounds that the war had inflicted on them. Thanks to the intensity of the anti-war sentiment that was sweeping the nation it was easier to keep their grief hermetically sealed within the family unit. These days however with two wars very much in the foreground and a nation struggling to be more conscientious of those who are fighting them children of the fallen are encouraged to talk about their grief. Currently there are programs designed to let children of the Vietnam generation can mentor kids who've lost parents. In today's ongoing wars it's an exchange that's the focus of many merits new documentary Gold Star children. Up next the children of war. First the news. From NPR News in Washington I'm Louise Schiavone. At the State Department at this hour President Obama is spelling out U.S. policy

toward the Changing Arab World. Details from NPR's Scott Horsley. President Obama says the United States has a historic opportunity to support the wave of democratic change sweeping across the Middle East. He says one way the U.S. can do that is with economic assistance such as debt forgiveness and loan guarantees. The Syrian people have shown their courage in demanding a transition to democracy. President Assad now has a choice. You can lead that transition. Or get out of the way. Mr. Obama also delivered his strongest challenge yet to Syria's ruler saying President Assad should either heed the calls for democratic reform in his country or get out of the way. Scott Horsley NPR News the White House. The FBI has requested a DNA sample from Unabomber Ted Kaczynski in connection with the infamous 1982 Tylenol poisonings. And as Carrie Johnson reports federal investigators are taking a second look at evidence in an old case convicted Unabomber Ted Kaczynski says in court papers that

the FBI wants his DNA to find out whether he was involved in putting cyanide in Tylenol pills decades ago. An FBI spokeswoman in Chicago says Kaczynski hasn't provided investigators with a sample. She says the bureau has tried to get DNA from numerous other people as part of their broad reexamination of the evidence in the unsolved 1982 poisonings for the record. Kaczynski says in the court filings that he never had any potassium cyanide the key component in those deadly Tylenol capsules. He's currently living in the federal supermax prison in Colorado serving a life sentence for his part in bombings that killed three people. Carrie Johnson NPR News Washington. Sales of previously occupied homes fell eight tenths of a percent last month to a seasonally adjusted annual rate of roughly five million units. The figures from the National Association of Realtors chief economist Lawrence you own the homes of our underperforming in relation to what you could be doing based on the job creation that is occurring in the economy.

The stock market. Recovery. So it's a very sluggish recovery in the housing market at the moment. The realtors say about six million homes need to be sold every year to sustain a strong market. Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn in court today will seek bail. His lawyers know that he has surrendered his passport pledges not to fully and asks to be confined to the home of his daughter who is a graduate student at Columbia University. His attorneys propose fitting him with electronic monitoring and posting one million dollars cash bail on Wall Street the Dow Jones industrial average up 31 at twelve thousand five hundred ninety two. This is NPR News. A blockbuster opening for the business social networking site LinkedIn and PR as Paul Brown reports some analysts are concerned that at this juncture the stock price is overvalued.

Tim Hanson of The Motley Fool is among those who say Linton appears to have plenty of cash. Hanson is not convinced it will use money from its initial public offering to expand its services as it says Rather it seems like a way for some of the insiders to cash out some of their stock and get some money back. He says individual investors should be wary. Your time horizon would probably need to be in the multi decades and Lincoln would have to execute over that time horizon very successfully. Hanson says Linton appears to have a basically good business model but he believes investors need to examine the models of online companies very carefully he says not every online IPO has the potential of a Google or an e-Bay. Paul Brown NPR News Washington. Gasoline may be hovering around $4 a gallon but the American Automobile Association says that's not going to stop people from driving to holiday destinations. The triple-A is forecasting about thirty point nine million people will drive over the Memorial Day vacation at month's end. The average price of regular gasoline fell slightly this week to three ninety one a gallon. Doctors say that

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords is awake and communicating after skull surgery. Doctors had originally moved we moved part of her skull to relieve the pressure of brain swelling but on Wednesday they put a plastic implant in place to fully cover the brain. It's a significant milestone in her recovery from a gunshot wound she suffered in an assassination attempt. Louise Schiavone NPR News Washington. Support for NPR comes from plow shares fund dedicated to helping build a safe secure and nuclear weapon free world ad plow shares. Dot org. It's live and it's local. Coming up next two hours of local talk the Emily Rooney show and the callee Crossley Show. Only on WGBH. Good afternoon I'm Cally Crossley. This is the Calla Crossley Show.

Gold Star children our military kids whose parent has died in the line of duty. There are 20000 kids in the U.S. who have lost a mother or father serving in the military and their losses date from World War 2 through Vietnam and the current conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. After losing her own father in the Vietnam War Rhode Island based filmmaker Mindy Mayer set out to document the lives of Gold Star children like her. She joins me today to talk about her documentary Gold Star children along with Sierra Becker a gold star child whose father was killed in Iraq. I'm also joined by Sierra's mother Crystal Becker widow of Staff Sergeant Shane Becker. Welcome to you all. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Maybe let's start with you. How did you become aware that there was a story about Gold Star children that have not been told. Well I will. We talked earlier about the number of child survivors to war in this country. And actually it's interesting following the Vietnam War

there's an estimated 20000 children who lost a parent to that war. And today's foreign Iraq wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that number is about four thousand three hundred fifty. You know unfortunately still a fluid number. But you know the country post-Vietnam for so many reasons. It was a country divided. And our our mothers as widows there were no support groups in place to speak of not in the same way where you would sit in a circle and share your feelings. Of course the computer wasn't around so there was no way for many of these women's two women to reach out and find one another. And also they learned over time that if they did talk about the death of their Vietnam soldier husband you know there were protests going on for many reasons it was a confusing time in our country. It was not a time that you wanted to speak up and say Yes my husband was killed in Vietnam you just didn't know what the reaction might be. You know I can share a story about that.

I was a newborn and my mom was actually in D.C. and a neighbor said to her as she was holding me in her arms and she said you know I'm sorry that anyone had to die but it serves him right for going. And the thing is that's not unique and I found that really interesting. As I grew up and gosh I guess I was about twenty seven when we started discussing it and trying to understand who was this man who was our father who was this man who served in Vietnam and why you know doesn't anyone you know talk about it. And what we learned was we were not unique there were so many people just like us for many reasons who didn't talk about the death or the life of their father. You know we would go on to go to Vietnam I did a documentary series on our own family's journey to Vietnam and that was in 97. My mother went back to do some research on widows of war and found out that at that time there was not a whole lot of information out there. And so that was a healing moment for us it was a time that we could all acknowledge it we met

other women who had lost who were living in Vietnam who actually were part of the Viet Cong I guess you could say they wouldn't let us talk to the South Vietnamese but who had lost their fathers too. You know what they refer to as the American war. And between the two of us we realized you know they were doing the same thing and that they weren't talking about it for them it was different it was more of a survival type thing they needed to continue with the farm or whatever else they were doing. But we were both learning about our dads together. And then of course years later the need would arise again for a new generation. Well I think you know you've touched on something that a lot of people you know still may not be able to get their minds around we talk about it some but it is now part of the history books. And that is that whole sentiment during the time of Vietnam Vietnam was a very unpopular war and unlike what has happened in Iraq and Afghanistan the troops and those people who were fighting that war became

unpopular because they were associated with it. And I wanted to give people a chance to hear a bit of the you know what that was like for the families of the veterans such as yourself. And I remind my listeners and I'm I'm speaking with MITI mirror whose Gold Star children is a documentary looking at kids military kids whose parents have died in the line of duty. So here is a segment from Gold Star children. And this is a montage of goes to all children who've lost their parents in Vietnam recalling how they were treated when I was younger and my mom was participating in a parade that. People say. On her. Days through beer bottles Satar said that my father got what he deserved. I mean I didn't dare ask why he was killed those way too much information. I was snooping around and I found a suitcase of brothers. That she wrote to him every day that he was there.

To take. That that's really. We had too high to go I find out and go through their things and actually steal a little piece of them bits of letters pictures little momentos. So we can get a picture of that man that we hardly know. And that we miss. I thought that my sister and my son were the only ones. It's a lonely place to be. Anyone that's from the documentary Gold Star children which was produced by my guest MITI Mayer and she is joined by Sierra Becker a gold star child whose father was killed in Iraq and the response to at least the children of these veterans has been different but the pain of the losses is no different. I'm also joined by Sierra's mother Crystal Becker who is the widow of Staff Sergeant Shane Becker.

And I want to make the point to my listeners that your documentary focuses on really parallels to sets of Gold Star children those who were children of ghost of a parents in the Vietnam War and then those now in the new wars of Iraq and Afghanistan. So Sierra let me talk to you. You were much younger then 11 the age that you are now when the documentary was made and it seemed as in my watching it that this was really an opportunity for you to let go of a lot of emotions you've been holding. Talk to us about that. Well taps it let me it helped me a lot through. That time in my life. And when I was younger I because because I was younger. I don't know I just it was harder for me to understand things because some things I couldn't quite understand then others I could understand completely and

it was just kind of hard to figure out where I was at. What did it mean to be able to talk to older people who had lost their fathers as well. But in a different war even if it was a different war. Well it felt nice because they could almost they were further along in their Germany journey. So it was almost as if they were looking back at how they used to be and I was in that point where they used to be and they were giving the give me advice and see things that would help them and I tried it and they helped me. And then I thought of I got other things that help me and then I help other kids that were you know earlier in the journey and it helped having somebody who is further along in the journey than I was but who understood exactly what you were feeling. Well. A lot of the kids don't understand what I was feeling and I think. I think many understood what I was feeling as well. It's just that it was kind of different

for her because. Her father died when she was just a baby and I got to know my father more than she did. That's right. Crystal Bakker What is it meant to be a part of this film of Mideast to really let the rest of us understand the journey of Gold Star children. And it's been an honor to to have our journey somewhat you know documented as we go through this. It's gosh it's overwhelming. And it's an honor just to know that we could possibly do something. You know everyone loves for something good to come out of something bad. And in a lot of ways that's how you know this feels it's not good to lose your husband or your father. But in that you can always you know something GREAT can spring from it and it was just an honor to be a part of this. This

was a healing process and to know that my youngest who who is now you know for and was a month old when my husband was killed she will have those tools are already being laid out in front of her as she grows and she grows into this. You know it it's it's just as I said quite an honor to be part of something that is trying to do something better for everyone. And that's what you know this film is maybe used as taking something from the past. And you know everyone says you learn from history and you look you look back in order to look forward and and the past is definitely better than it was. You know we've we've come a long way. And families that had to go through that in that in that time have certainly taken that bad thing and made the world better for families like mine. And that is something I always appreciate and it's like I said just so honored to be part of it and be part of the

healing process. Thank you so much for that I couldn't. I know how hard it is for both you and certainly for Sierra to talk about this and and I'm very appreciative of your sharing with us today for this program. Many I wanted to let our listeners know that taps the program that that Sierra referred to is the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and it's a mentoring program between those of you from those from the Vietnam time to the kids now from Iraq and Afghanistan. Well I want to clarify that with taps which was also founded by widow Bonnie Carroll. She's amazing and this was following the death of her husband Brigadier General Tom Carroll who was killed in an army C 12 plane crash in 1992. And what really struck me first of all. You can't as long as you're cleared and you're safe and you can be a mentor for taps. They use a lot of the service personnel who are part of the honor guard.

That is a true signature of taps these guys they're so great. They you know take their own leave and they spend four or five days in Washington D.C. They're putting these kids on their shoulders that such a big thing you know just really there's so much healing that goes on but there's also a lot of play. And with this the kids get to learn and get to be around people who are still in the military which you know obviously that's a need this was their life and then all of a sudden even if it was National Guard they were still used to seeing that. Now people like myself who had a parent killed in Vietnam. Yes you can go and mentor. I wouldn't say that that's the majority of the group mentors taps by any stretch. So there are psychologists who go and mentor there are different people who have lost maybe they've lost a brother maybe they've lost a cousin. You know there could be all kinds of different reasons why people want to reach out to the children. But what struck me is after 9/11 obviously I think like a lot of people we looked up like OK you know what can I do. I think so many of us wondered and you know even if it's a small thing what can we do. So one

of the things was Bonnie I mean Bonnie is a national game changer and I just can't stress that enough there are thankfully so many support groups that have cropped up. But it was truly the have nots my generation being the have nots. Unfortunately her husband's killed in this plane crash but it's in 1992 and as that program was growing it was in place in time for Iraq and Afghanistan and I watched over a period of time. These kids we went from like 75 in a room to five to 600. So as wonderful and still you know when we consider we have four thousand three hundred fifty children today who have lost a parent to Iraq in Afghanistan that's just the tip of the iceberg. So I was struck by the idea of that. Here we have were young enough you know some of the people in my film who lost a parent Vietnam they were 39 I'm 41. You know we were young enough that we could still identify with the kids but yet it was such a stark contrast to where we were as a country that as we were listening to these children

sitting in the open circle really meaning to be there for them. You couldn't help but also heal yourself. And Sierra just touched on it. She just said you know through her journey she knows that she's able to go and help other children and that's the empowering thing right. Yeah. When you have young kids who know they can help. We're going to talk more about this supportive community for the childe for Gold Star children and your wonderful film which is also called Gold Star children. I'm Kelly Crossley this hour with Memorial Day around the corner. We're talking about Gold Star children kids who have lost a parent who fought in the line of duty. We'll be back after this break stay with us. Support for WGBH comes from you.

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those who have lost a parent who fought in the line of duty. My guest Rhode Island based filmmaker Mindy Mayer is one of them. Her father died in Vietnam. She has made a new documentary titled Gold Star children. Also with us are two people who are featured in the film Sierra Becker as a gold star child whose father was killed in Iraq. I'm also joined by Sierra's mother Crystal Becker widow of Staff Sergeant Shane Becker. Crystal I want to start with you and ask this question something I didn't know maybe this everybody else knows this that when your husband was killed you will have to move off of the base. So you're really having to disconnect from that community that had been so much a part of your life. Talk to us about that. Well you know logically it makes it makes sense. You know they need those houses and they need more soldiers and everything but it's definitely you have a year to move out. And in our particular situation

the soldiers are becoming my husband's platoon in everything would be coming back soon and so we moved sooner than we had to. But just knowing that that's hanging over you and the house you're living in and the last house you lived in as a family is not going to be yours when you're 80 you know are sitting there in it and it does make it hard. It takes you away from everything that you're used to. And and it affects everyone differently. You know my girls love to see the uniform they want to go on a base and see soldiers it brings back good memories for Sierra and proud member you know proud I guess establishes proud memories for Cheyenne. And so. It's rough though because you are leaving this whole life that you've gotten used to and not just something that you've got gotten used to but for me personally something you're very proud of. It was I'm so proud to be the wife of you know. An Army soldier. You know it's it's an honor. And so it's hard to leave but you know

and again in our personal in our particular situation we were in Alaska and I did have family up there and neither did my husband. And my first priority was to get my newborn and my 7 year old close to you know family members close to family close to where they can feel safe and comforted and began and began the long journey one that I don't think will ever really end but the journey of just healing and and coping. And in your case you moved from Alaska to Texas so you could find a supportive community in Texas. Sierra Can you talk to us about what that was like You spoke a little bit in the film about seeing those soldiers on the base and what that meant to you. Can you share that. Well seeing the soldiers on the base just reminds me just how much. It just it just reminds me of my dad. I mean I can't help it I just it just reminds me of him. Not that those soldiers are my dad or or their higher rank or their lower rank doesn't really

matter. When I see somebody in uniform I think of the Army and I think of how strong they are and I think of my dad and I think of how strong he was. That's wonderful. When you talk to those younger kids who are just beginning that their experience in dealing with the loss of their father or mother is is this something that you can share Did they also feel that loss from leaving the base and leaving the military community. Well as my mom as my mom said you know everybody takes it differently. But sometimes when I talk to the younger kids sometimes they do. They do love seeing soldiers in uniform and such like that like I do but other kids they don't want to be reminded of that because when they see soldiers they think of their dad and they think how he's away and how he's gone so they don't like to be around soldiers in uniform not just soldiers but soldiers in uniform. And you know sometimes they want to get away from their old life and just

start a new one and try to kind of forget about that but some of the some of the kids are there no I don't want to forget about it. You know I don't want to forget my dad. I want to remember the memories that he that I had with him or I remember the stories that other people told me about him. When you know I personally I love to hear the stories every time I see a soldier. Like I said it reminds me of my dad in when I and I get reminded of my dad I think of all the fun things that we did together and how he would hold my sister and how he would play with me and you know just it reminds me of him. Tell us a little bit more about your dad. If if it's OK. We want to know something about Staff Sergeant Shane Becker who was your dad. Well for one thing he loved to sleep in. He could see there's a lot of good things about him so I don't know where to start here but he was he was he was a fantastic dad. You know

when he came home from Iraq you know he was gone for a year and you really think about it a year. It's a long time that he was gone for a year and every time he'd come back he would usually go home and we'd visit with him and hug him and everything and we'd watch a movie or something like that when he usually fall asleep over hugging him because I mean really he's been over there that entire year just working hard and stuff so I'm sure he loved to sleep in and not worry about the next day. But. The next day always no matter how tired he was the next night he would always he would always get out the PlayStation 3 had a PlayStation 2 he'd always get out the Playstation and he would play the video games with me. And now every time we played video games you know he's really good at video games and so every time we play video games I tell him he you only have one life and I have 10. OK. So he'd be OK and he would last for the longest time. And then every like daddy daddy let me play now oh you will be like I only got this. We always

got this. His let me finish it I'm like OK and then and it be my turn. Oh my 10 lives would be gone in 30 seconds flat. So a deal like. I want to play daddy and then as soon as he would have to go like he would still he would stay the night at some of his and some of his practice missions and stuff like that. And I'd play video games and be like I want to watch somebody I want to watch somebody play. So as soon as he wasn't there. I wanted to watch somebody but still if he was he was there and playing them. I wanted to play. So it was just kind of it was kind of back and forth on those things a bit. And he wasn't he wasn't the kind of dad to sit down on the couch on his R n R and be like go off and post somewhere else go play with your friends I'm going to watch TV and relax until I have to go back. I mean he did relax and you'd watch TV but he always did it with me. He didn't tell me to go outside and play or go play with your toys in your room or something like that you would be daddy. Daddy can I will you go play in the snow with me. OK jump off the couch get on your snow gear and go play in the snow fort. Throw snowballs you know the hazing go invite your

friends over. Hey you want to go. You want to you want to go sledding down the Big Hill Yeah. CAN I GO GET MY FRIEND Yeah so you know it was always it was always never his go off and go you know it was never like that. He always got up to play with me no matter how tired he was he got one good night's sleep. He would play for the rest of the time. Oh Sierra that's those are wonderful memories I'm so glad that you have them so clearly and could share them with us we really appreciate that. And I can only imagine how helpful that is when you talk to other kids that's just got to be wonderful for them. One of the things that you mentioned in the documentary that I think is so poignant MITI is that you interview people who are who are struggling to hold on to the memories of their fathers when their lives go on and and new people enter the picture. So I want to let our listeners hear just a bit of the documentary where Jen Denard talks about the struggle we did to celebrate his

birthday. Or we didn't go to his grave we didn't do things actively to remember him and honor his memory. I don't know how to say Hey mom you know tomorrow is the day dad was killed. He just didn't say those words. We didn't even say the word Vietnam in our house you know. I was so desperate to make my that part of my life that any time we get a new calendar. That I would flip forward to do you know. And circle June 6th circle. But I want a mom to know that I knew was coming. You know when even though we couldn't talk about it. There was in the frige radar circle. And then when my mom were remarried it was even more difficult. And so gradually dad's things were put away. And there are fewer and fewer pictures and then. There were none. Maybe there are now 20000 maybe more gold star kids in the US. Well you know World War 2 there so and I would hate to give

a wrong number on the air but there are so many gold star kids from World War 2 Korea and the forgotten war. We you know their number is even a little more vague but I can tell you from Vietnam there is an estimated 20000 of us who lost a parent Vietnam and then today unfortunately with Iraq and Afghanistan that number is climbing. And the reason why we're talking about Vietnam and Iraq and Afghanistan I mean early on of course you know just like with any war this isn't pro-war anti-war This is really just a narrative of grief. But the facts are that with each generation unfortunately war might you know not be going anywhere so the most you can do is at least learn from our generation just like the vets have reached out to today's veterans. But our generation by saying when you have a child we just heard Sierra let them come together let them talk about those memories let them reach out to one another. There so much power really in the simplicity of it all. And what's really amazing. Knowing a

child like Sierra who's now 11 is that she's so confident with these kids she's able to just articulate her feelings in a way that is so mature more so than several of us laughed. I mean I was you know in a second away when I was interviewing a lot of people who may have talked about their dad who died in Vietnam for the first time. And here they have children of their own. And what happens I mean as you know with grief what happens is if you don't deal with it it doesn't go away it just waits you know and it finds its time. But here you have these children who are working it out now they're already getting creative about how can we help that next group of children. You know maybe we could write a newsletter on the Internet you know all these different things that they're talking about. They're engaging themselves in it. They are actively trying to make a difference. And so my hope is is that you can get this message out that this is so important and so empowering as you watch Sierra and you watch her grow through this documentary from feeling like she's the only

one into finding community that you realize it is important it's important for kids today and it's important for these kids to help the next generation. One of the other things that I think is is so powerful in your documentary is that you've involved some some top military brass. One is General George Casey. He's a now retired Army chief of staff and he himself is a gold star child. And here he is describing his visit to TAPS the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. I walked in and spoke to a group of surviving children in the lab and it has many questions. Boy it was gut wrenching let me tell you some of the questions that they asked the one that mean the one that just tore my heart out of the little boy looks to be and says What would you do. What would you say to your dad if he walked through the door right now. I don't know. And then. I said I'd tell him I missed him.

I was that was powerful. MITI who is the documentarian for the documentary Gold Star children to hear him talk about how it affected him. General Casey he was so gracious to you know to actually do the interview his father was the highest ranking Army two star general to be killed in Vietnam. Unfortunately And we also talk about you know how he found out he literally read it on the headline of the newspaper while he was going in to work. You know when he was in the ROTC. General Casey didn't talk a lot about the death of his father from what he told me and from what others told me. But during his time as chief of staff of the army he also through his own perspective. He ended up implementing some really great changes that I hope continue. You know we could talk. I could go on about those. One of the things was allowing the children when there's a death. And if they are those living on the military bases again so many of our military be National

Guard but there were many who lived on the military bases. So instead of them having to move from the base and move from the schools you know through with his help children if they want to if the families want them to they can stay in school for an extended period of time. And that's important when you consider that their whole world is changing. You know if you can keep some kind of normalcy for the child it's so important. And also he's coming at it from his own perspective he understands you know he talks about people throwing things at him when he was wearing his uniform and these things were painful because again he felt like he you know he didn't talk openly about the death of your father. And that's fine and it's not you know we understand we can look back in history and understand. The situation but we're just grateful that today. There are so many more programs to help today's children and we're going to keep talking about

this. My guest Minnie Maier is the documentary filmmaker for Gold Star children. We're talking about her documentary. It's a film that documents the lives of children and the hardships they face after losing a parent who fought in the line of duty. We will be back after this break stay with us. Support for WGBH comes from you and from the Boston speakers Series 7 evenings of personal perspectives and insights at Boston Symphony Hall featuring Tom Brokaw. Valerie Plane Wilson David McCullough and others. Information at Boston speakers

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some one of a kind deals at the same time. Just place your bid with the WGBH auction featured items include a $5000 dream remake over courtesy of circle furniture and Landry an Akari oriental rugs and carpeting and a 2012 60 from Boston Volvo village. Bidding closes May 26 visit auction. By Donovan every Saturday at 3 for a session. Well just like that on a Celtic sojourn here on eighty nine point seven WGBH. That afternoon I'm Kelly Crossley. This is the Calla Crossley Show. We're talking about Gold Star children this hour. They are kids who have lost a parent who fought in the line of duty. Today there are 20000 kids or more in the U.S. who have lost a mother or father serving in the military and their losses date from World War 2 through Vietnam and the

current conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. My guest filmmaker MITI Mayer a gold star child herself set out to document the lives of Gold Star children like her. She joins me this hour along with two people featured in the film Sierra Becker is a gold star child whose father was killed in Iraq. Crystal Becker is her mother and widow of Staff Sergeant Shane Becker. So we heard a little bit from. General George Casey maybe talking about just what he felt one asks talking to kids who have lost their parent he himself being a gold star child as well. And you shared with us some of the changes that he put in place to help in the transition for those kids after they lose a parent. One of the things that I think has probably helped a lot. Even if there are more specific changes in policy happening at the moment it's just a public attitude change about the troops who are serving in the current wars. I mean people may disagree strongly about whether or not we should be in Iraq

or Afghanistan. But everybody I've not heard anybody say we don't support the troops we don't you know we want to support those troops we want to acknowledge their sacrifice and also pay attention to their families. And let me turn to that and mention that last month President Obama announced a new initiative to support military families called Joining Forces and here he is talking a little bit about it. Behind every American in uniform stands a wife a husband a mom a dad a song or a daughter a sister or brother. These families these remarkable families are the force behind the force. They too are the reason we've got the finest military in the world. So many what does it mean to have the commander in chief and certainly Michelle Obama and Jill Biden have both taken up the cause of military families out in front talking about the support that those families need.

Well it's absolutely historic actually. Several friends of my mom's and who are of that age whose husband had served in Vietnam they said you know we just didn't even know that we would live to see the day that here at the White House there would be an initiative focusing on Gold Star families. You know you just can't express enough how important it is that they be recognized because by doing that you're really validating this younger generation. And I absolutely agree with you this is not about being pro-war anti-war. This is about. Supporting the soldier supporting the young men and women who go over there who who have stepped up and volunteered where you know it's interesting to consider that Vietnam it was a draft. You know so many of these people they were drafted and yet they still endured this. But here it is volunteer. You know military force. And these families have

sacrificed and given so much with multiple deployments. And unfortunately you know with this conflict like I said you know over 40 300 children have been left without a parent. So to to hear the president and the first lady say look America thankfully What is it 99 percent of the country is not fully aware of the experience of a military child perhaps you know because the military or military force is small somewhat in numbers when you consider the population of the United States. But what can we do as a country to step up and do something to help. And that's that's just it's absolutely historic. It's an honor that that this is finally happening. Crystal I wonder if you could share how the support of community that's grown out of both a general more positive public attitude toward our servicemen and women and the specific programs that you and Sierra have been able to be a part of how they've helped you.

As you've made the transition as you're now in position to talk to other people about it and even to the point of participating in the documentary how specifically have you been able to be helped. First off I think generally just connecting with another family and realizing they're out there and that you're you're normal as far as that goes. Just in the beginning. That's I was just looking for something for Sierra. I had I didn't really think that anyone could as a widow really tell me anything that I didn't already know. I knew my husband was serving his country probably I know that I you know respected and honored him and was very proud of him. And I know you know there's this whole list of things that I and I kind of thought well no one can really. You know I know this is going to be hard. No one can give me any answers but it sure would be great if I could see that sparkle in Sears eye. Because you know she always had a

sparkly eyes and happiness you could just see it in her and you know after that day it was gone. I would look in her eyes and they were a darker color and there wasn't the shine there that had been there and for me personally that was the scariest thing. I knew I could do it I knew I could raise the girls I knew I could honor him and they would know him but would that would that little game come back. And that was my biggest worry. And in finding taps I was trying to find her a new connection a start where she could start healing how she needs to Despite that you know she's my child and I'm going to I'm going to choose the programs and so on and so forth she you know and I'll be there for her. This is still her journey. I'm standing with her and we're going you know through it together but she's a child and a daughter of of an American hero you know and I'm the wife it's very for the widow and it's different. And you know

and so I needed her. I needed to know that she would have that and not just her but that Shana was at the time this little one month old that you know I had no idea the world had just been turned upside down for her. I needed to know that she would know. And as odd as it is that you know here this is China China is 4 years old this year. It will be her first time attending taps. AS. As a child you know as as a Good grief child basically in the camp itself. And she's looking forward to it. And she knows that you know we attend every year. And before this even when she was three and we went she knew that that you're going to the place where a lot of other kids lost somebody too. And they're all there and look at them they laugh and they cry. But they have fun in the pool and they giggle and and they look like other kids and they're they're fine they're going to be fine and so you know for me participating in the different

you know in Taps especially and in this film. It has given me something that I wasn't sure I could provide. I knew I could provide a home I could provide you know so many other things but to provide the means for that. You know that glamour to get back in her eye to see her happy to see Sierra. Grow again. It was very very important and it you know it took almost a year but I remember when I started to see that again and I was I just thought OK things things can go from here I knew I could I just you know I just needed to see that in so you know as a parent it's given me so much. And but yet even after like I said I'd originally attended you know specifically for Sierra all I could think about was for her and Cheyenne and I were just you know here shy and a month old and I'm you know come on I'm you know I think I was 33 and you know so I got this figured out. I know how it needs to go. But and yet they gave me a new family a new connection and I

though I don't talk to you know hardly anyone from the Taft organization as far as like friends in keeping in touch and that sort of thing. But it doesn't matter because you know you'll see them again next year and as soon as you see each other. Your faces just light up and you think oh yeah. And we have that connection is that exactly his dad was over there and remember he had a brother and a sister and you know and it's something and the kids just melt right into it I mean they just it's like they just blend right in as soon as you get there and they're ready to go and it's exciting for them and they know they're there to celebrate and to honor and to love you know and and you know to hurt a little bit but that's not the point of going the point of going it is to let yourself feel those things. And keep smiling. And I'm out better on the other side. Exactly exactly. So Sarah you know in the film you talk about running for your dad and you've been given that wonderful gift of memory with those those great memories of being with him. How do you share that with your sister now who as your mother just said is old enough to know what's going

on at this years tap's meeting the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. Well. She'll sometimes will be doing some things he will sitting on the couch watching TV and then all of a sudden chill disco. Siya. With Daddy telephones healing. Well. And answered You know I'd be like well I don't know he could probably touch the ceiling you know and she'd be like could daddy pick up this kid is daddy tell him that is daddy tellers and that person could daddy pick up that person. You know she just she just asks little questions like that all she wants. She just wants to know did Daddy fill me up in the air like that too. And you know when we look at pictures she just loves looking at pictures even if I mean I wish there were more pictures of her and daddy but even if it's me and daddy she says like oh see you're silly. And then. In dad he was being silly in that picture and where were you guys doing in that picture.

Oh you know we were making snow man for the Christmas tree and stuff like that and she's just she just wants to know she just wants to know what he was like and when she was little she even understood we were. There's this place in Corpus Christi it's the the Lexington it was is the old battleship I think it has you know the big old plane runaway on there and stuff and we were walking through here and you know they have pictures of the people that used to work on the air like when it was actually used as a battleship and stuff. And Shannon when she was little she was only one or two I think we were walking through there just for fun. Did we decide to go to Corpus Christi just for something fun. And we're walking through there and she sees pictures of these military guys in their black and white pictures but she sees pictures of these military guys like sitting in the back standing on the runway getting ready to get into a jet and stuff and she goes is that daddy like. You know she just so little she's a bad guy you know.

I'm like no. I were like No silly daddies that he was in here but you know she's always wanted to just know now she's not like how did daddy die. She doesn't ever ask those kinds of questions because she doesn't like she doesn't like to think about that part she likes to think I just want to know who he was. Yes yes. You just want to know who he was. And so we always answer her questions and stuff like that. She's very lucky to have you as a big sister to tell her. Maybe we can hear what's going on in the family here with Sierra and her mom. Crystal you've shown this to audiences of military families. The reaction has been you know I just took the film off line at the end of January and General Casey and Sheila Casey graciously invited me to give a private screening at the Pentagon and that was really interesting I wasn't quite sure what to expect I wondered. How would this strike a chord. And I think we all sat there and wept together and talked about what we could do to get this film out just like this Joining Forces initiative get this film out to

this broader American audience because as you know several people in the room shared that even though their own families weren't prior military they had had a loss you know in other ways and that they identified I can't underestimate Assyria Sierra sits next to me. She is so articulate and you saw the film so you completely understand what I'm saying and she just beautifully describes this journey for the gold star child today. And you know I'm so grateful to have found Sierra and Crystal but that was the overall consensus was that yes people on military bases should see this film. But more importantly we need to get this film out to this wider American audience. I've shown at a few universities universities and just recently I premiere the film at the G.I. Film Festival in Washington D.C. And that was also an amazing experience. We had to members of family members who were actually in the film who came in and we all talked afterwards. So where we are now in the process Goldstar children is also a 5 0 1 6 3 I created a

nonprofit to try and get this film out and so we're in the process of trying to raise money to hold national screenings for the film. Again we're very early in this process so we would appreciate any support. That could be offered because those who have seen it the lieutenant colonel who's head of the Canadian embassy he was at the DC screening this past weekend he came up to me he said I will give you a quote that this is not just for Americans. This is something Canadians need to see. This is about the journey of those who have lost from war. And how do you find that community which is ultimately the healing. There are different offers he'd like to hold a screening at the Canadian Embassy and invite the international community in D.C. so they are all of these possibilities but over and over again I hear that these children people identify with the kids and that a broader audience needs to see this. And by seeing this you get a better understanding of that military experience for our nation's children from two generations.

It's emotionally wrenching to watch it. It's wonderfully done it's was just it's very emotional. So what do you want. We got seconds now. What do you want people to take away from it as they watch. I want them to understand that you don't have to wait 30 years like the Vietnam era to talk about your your mother your father who was killed to war. I want them to see that we have come so far and that these children they need to come together in community there is something empowering everyone deals with grief differently this might not be the perfect solution for everyone. But if you can at least make this kind of community available for those you know forty three hundred children who are out there I can't stress the importance of that a child being isolated and alone in their grief for years and years and years. There are implications that's a whole nother show. So I would say what we can do as a country to raise the awareness and make sure that today's Gold Star children are finding one another and are reaching out and finding that community it's just so important.

Well I am very very impressed with the documentary I learned a lot. Perhaps everybody knew about Gold Star children but I did not. So it was an education on on that front as well and certainly about their own journey. Sierra last word what would you want people to take away from seeing the film. We just have a few seconds. Could you say that again. What do you want people to take away from seeing the film. You know what do you want them to walk out after they've seen that what you want them to feel or think after they've seen it. Oh well I want them to feel as if not that they know me but they know how I'm dealing with this. So if they can't find a way themselves to deal with it that they they might be able to follow my example on some of the things that I have done to help myself cope with what have happened with what has happened. I really appreciate Sierra your being here today to to talk to us about it I

know how personal this is for both you and your mom. So thank you and Thank you Crystal Becker and thank you in the mirror. Thank you Carol. Thank you. Honored to be on your show. Thank you. I'm Kelli Cross and we've been talking about the new documentary film Gold Star children the film documents the lives of children and the hardships they face after losing a parent who fought in the line of duty. I've been joined by Mindy Maier the Rhode Island based producer and director of the documentary Gold Star children. Her father was killed in the line of duty in Vietnam. Sierra Becker is a gold star child whose father was killed while serving in the U.S. military in Iraq and her mother Crystal Becker is the widow of the late Staff Sergeant Shane Becker. Crystal Becker is raising Sierra and her sister Shana. To learn more about the film visit Goldstar film dot org.