Joan Robinson: One Woman's Story

80 Redcloud productions being WATB why. The following program contains emotionally Thorkell material. It may be disturbing to some. It is intended for mature viewers and discretion is advisable. Major funding for this program has been provided by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. The Massachusetts foundation for the Humanities and public policy. The Rockefeller Foundation the National Endowment for humanities public television station Damon Runyon Walter Winchell cancer fund the General Motors Foundation and the Rubin Family Foundation fund. One out of every four Americans will have cancer during their lifetime. Joan

Robinson was a talented vibrant writer and editor suddenly at the age of 41. Her life was disrupted when she was told she had terminal ovarian cancer. She died of cancer at the age of 44. Joan Robinson one woman's story shows how Joan dealt with what she called the greatest challenge of her life. This film shows the real events of the last 22 months of her life. It was unstaged and unscripted. Joan and her husband Eric married her knowing she was dying of cancer. Tell their own story. This will not be easy to watch because Joan struggle with cancer was not an easy one. She elected to fight her disease with all the resources medicine had to offer at that time. And she asked her friend Mary felt howsoever to film her day to day experiences as a cancer patient.

This film will raise many questions. We have arranged to provide some immediate answers. The National Cancer Institute has made available to its Cancer Information Service a special toll free 800 telephone line. Trained professionals will be available to answer any questions you have or just to talk with. We encourage you to take advantage of the service. This film was completed in 1975 and there have been many advances in cancer treatment since that time. Many cancer patients are cured. Joan Robinson was not just Joan's story but it is an important human drama of one woman's struggle against this drug. My name John Robin. I was born in

the Mount Vernon New York. I entered Mount Holyoke College with the English major and subsequently I work as a writer for Seventeen Magazine. I stayed there until my first marriage to a social psychology. That marriage ended in divorce. I was then living in Boston and working as a writer. I began to feel that my life would be more meaningful if I could work with people directly in a way that would be helpful to them. I therefore went back to school for a masters degree and then took a job as the first director of a new program called family daycare that was in November 19 69. I learned in December 1971 the age of 41 that I had ovarian cancer. In these last years I've spent cumulatively eight my last in hospital representing 11 separate admission six

operations including an off to me and a reader asked me not about that one. A course of COBOL treatment and of course of chemotherapy. The best thing that's happened in this period was my second marriage to Eric Robinson a history professor at the University of Massachusetts at Boston. Eric and I have been working on a film about my experiences as a cancer patient. When we started filming she was very very sick. We really didn't know how long she had to do with the first question the film people asked her was how she found out she had cancer. I discovered the two in my vagina maybe that they were from a knuckle of mine who didn't do my job. I was really in a panic. So I went back to my gynecologist.

The first opportunity I found that on Friday night I went to see him on Monday and I was a little apologetic I thought and I said to him maybe it's just my cervix. I've never really suffered before. So he examined me and said it's not you through the tumor. He said it's the fibroid. And I said oh my god it's probably cancer. He said no it isn't. It had you know it's not from the nature of it. And when we went to his office he said I said I really want you to tell the truth because if I have cancer I want to know about it. And he said Well there is a very slight chance it could be cancer. One of the things he said but it's a rapidly growing fibroid. I said How do you know it's rapidly growing. He said because I started in April and it wasn't anything went. Now sometime later I thought back on those words and realize

that meant that if he had followed me up sooner this thing could be detected and went into the operation the following day. My surgeon came in and he said I'm going to tell you. I said is it bad news. He said Well it depends on what you mean by bad news you have cancer. And when he left you'll be fine. I turned looked to my roommate. She said don't talk to me again. I don't want to hear. So I felt very low and scared and you called me over and I had a brain she because I think it's hard to fight cancer. It had been for me which is why you want to say that because we didn't think you were going to die from the first time it was diagnosed. No I didn't think it consciously that you were going to that it was fatal. I guess I just couldn't admit it. Maybe I didn't communicate that

it may have. I just think that if people deal with it in stages you people are so concerned and so insecure we're often so terrified about this disease that they are pretty much welcome the presence of somebody who can reassure them. Now here is my husband Eric talking about how he felt when I told him I had cancer. I wondered about your. Shoot sometimes shit die living right. You know what the hell you are. Mary and John weren't going to be american me Carolyn. Instead I developed a very severe pain. Now I'm like any pain I have. Finally I was admitted that night as an emergency admission and we were all scared because we thought maybe this morning she was in the most intense fighting scene.

Really right. Really nothing you can do. You know she was fine last night. Very nice evening. And then she was insured by the time that it was absolutely nothing. Good to be back in the hospital. Well just. So the noises of my mind all the rest of it damaged trust. Once the pain turned out to be the tumor pressing on nerves. This is a common occurrence for some trafficker's up by itself. Indeed in this case here we are talking about why we wanted to make the film the challenge to give them something to do. It interests me in the same way that Seventeen magazine in its phone communication. So it appeals to that professional that

it all appeals to the choir. We want to have we gone after them. I also feel that part of me that wants to do something worthwhile for others. Maybe this would be. I feel that if the film's going to say anything at all worthwhile it's got to be about things as they are. One of the facts of our everyday life has the constant nursing care required by germs. You read urostomy and colostomy. We consulted doctor robots at the Deaconess Hospital stomack clinic. I want to know about the cost to me and perhaps a little bit of why you have the reader asking me. You want to know why I came up with the problem well I was operated on. I haven't. It was too far extended to surgeons remove it all.

So they handed me the film people ask Dr. Robotham to explain the course of John's cancer. And so I started in this area. Now the colostomy is here because the colon as it comes down to the rectum. That's at this point was the suitable spot to bring out the bottle because there was disease and obstruction here which led to the rectum. Ordinarily this colon starts here and comes up like this. This is the appendix. What with the appendix is located. You will notice that it is behind your reader Rostam Cohen is here. Colostomy is here and her diseased rectum was which was removed and part of which still remains she tells us is there I will correct the picture by drawing it this way.

Diseased rectum remains behind. This is the end of the call on all people waste come out here. She told us that the left kidney his kidney had been blocked if the bladder is here and if the disease is here and if the cancer is still growing and if she has had X-ray treatment there there is a destruction of these tissues so that the rectum we know can no longer be used nor can the bladder and the drainage tubes from the kidneys call the urine. Here we have one that came down. But this is no longer working. It's gone tells us that it's not function. This kidney is working. Originally this tube came down to the bladder here. But he became involved with the growth. Therefore it cannot be used.

And this drainage tube or yeard was brought out to the skin. You will notice that the two storms are on the abdomen if they are not in the same line it is sometimes easier to wear an appliance and the belts which go with appliances so that one will enter into it with another. There are days when you may want to wear this where you see as I as I look at this now I prefer this because this has much more body to hold and it needs it advances. And then this all this does this go. You see this is so soft that you cannot get a firm attachment of the appliance around the stomach. I think this with the without realizing you if you you realize he is affected by you will give you much less chance for a leak. I just want to spend five minutes. This is going to show I'm in trouble. I mean can

they try again to slap any other alternative that would do something that wouldn't be sick. I don't know of any. Well I guess this is known as bad. Well I think they're going very well down was silent and say a great US. I mean I'm encouraged that I'm getting help with the surge that we're the ones that are needed because there is no pinching. You know think of that we're going to see this thing. And you know it can make people comfortable for you that's great. It's like my old

have a tiny piece of self or something like that. So when you saw this spread the ball you know it just took a bit pregnant. Happened to my track. Right were like and over and above that if something is above the belt you can put the blouse like that. I know it looks terrible work and then we'll do something about it if all those new clothes people are going to get more shots because it would be awkward. Yes. Joan constantly went back over her past and that during that time. But what made you. In this one picture. Your father looks to be like her. I remember yeah here I.

But you know no depression well come back to because because there's your father out of focus. It is a mash up boy for the women. I think I look like he told me something about the man. I don't know. My boy. I took a picture of my father. You have that drink. This is where I lived in New York. Is that your mother. Yes. She's already looking really miserable. Well my mother was 45. She walked with him. She had a mastectomy and then when she was 46 a doctor said that she had a sister and she went to near nothing that she went into. While I was

told that when they opened her up she had advanced cancer. My assumption that she had metastasized breast cancer. And that it was a separate crime area. And I knew that my mother's sister had breast cancer and that I my mother had it. So I just thought that's what she died. And that is what she died nine months after the operation started. Yes. She's 16. She's 47. She died. So anyway after my father don't want to go I got my most to get from among those proud patriots. I don't know whether I looked at it it didn't register. I didn't look him. I don't know why. After I had cancer I looked at it and I saw that she died of this. And of course some of the other.

Oh my God. John why did you all. Well I don't know. I mean there were I would have been insisting on a pelvic and I would have you know then I could have said this to look out for breast cancer. Well maybe if I had doctor would work. Suppose for I don't know but I'd be blamed for. It. Joan arrogated a colostomy every other day and she usually manage that by herself. But then you reach urostomy bag which sometimes has to be changed two or three times a day was a big problem. I used to help her with that in the paper. They went well we could change it in 10 minutes but sometimes it took an hour and a half. Now can you just focus on that. Yeah.

The house was absolutely full of medical supplies little bundles of plastic sheeting odds and ends of tubes and syringes surgical tapes and boxes of tampons. That let us go. OK. Now you can rub it in. Our Sambre. Doing ding thing that's all.

You know again it's good it's not like if you're in love. Wait staff. I've got to move on get it over now. Oh my God. It's leaking well this is what it's like anyway. You think it was the most. No no. I just changed it to a draw. It's like you it see I just going away. A lot of that. Is getting too tight for me.

OK. All right. And all hear. This is just so we're having these couple of friends in tonight for each floor. So that makes my decision. It was a week that this is six years younger than I am. Well joining is great fun. I mean whatever else she won't be to eat. This was a birthday cake. And so we all have the birthday cake which of course is the. All right.

You know I'm not that. Well now let's drink to it all. Are still going out. The reason why it is the. Other factor we'll. Be back. And not knowing what to do to keep it going to be canceled due to a combination of them all. I haven't missed you too. I know that you felt the same contained about acknowledging. That a lot of questions come up that I can't ever that I can only ask questions when I feel it. Because it possible to get him on the ground. And there are a lot of issues that even my thing is I don't want to get them all talked. When you come because you know that about five other people waiting to get in to see. I've already been waiting two hours.

I was hoping. Well you know the other night when I like my original question should I change doctors thought of before in my life that I should. Well what did get me was actually at that moment talking to me two medic one. As an adjunct to them I spoke to him. I got the impression that took a lot of the same but. You know. We ought to be able to talk to our have time devoted to you know we've never really had a real hard talk. Well let me give you an example of that. This brings it up the other night. Joan and I said talk about dying. And we discussed this I remember three also. One was to. Put up a bed and possibly die and suffer. Which

is what should also suggest takes place in America. A second possibility was to go to England and to see her. And a third possibility was suicide. One possibility. But they're talking to nothing. You know what if you are on drugs what drugs would you given how often these are the things we have never really discussed with our medical. Well actually my next we don't have talked to. That you can fix a time. And I'm ready for that. I don't. I don't know if I can that I have an appointment with him one time 1:15 Monday. June had lost confidence in the first doctor who had made the original diagnosis of her that he had cancer. She trained to Dr. Peter Monastir and oncologist. She had to see Dr. Mustin every six weeks. A medical student on Dr. Marstons team came in to talk to the government about

dwindling energy. He be and I'm very you to innate talent and that I have to I read the 10 year. Old time here you say that wondering why I keep reading them. Often we just want to have lots of things to do there and time spent all my time I'd. Rather have I think that we have to by having campaigned and hung. So that you know that it's crazy it caught my attention. Well I'm going to do this now if I have forever. And that I don't break down. Let's take a look at your show. And then we can talk some more.

No John I'm going to ask you to put your feet here in the Greyson's. Mary will hold your hand. Support you to listen to them. Many of you have much in the way of Bagenal problems. Let me just judge from my rectum. Not is it John. I don't have to know about them at all with him. I mean it's been a month. That's fine. John to slide down the. That's good. That's. I'm going to ask you. Let your knees drop right apart. Let me know Richard Lugar. It's going to be a little bit Lou. All right. All right John I need to probe fairly deeply and I'm going to be

probing in your left side first. And. I'm sorry I did broke quite hard. I did want to leave because now we're going to take a little peek at the vagina and the apex itself. OK. No sign of letting you rope in that area. If anything it looks a shade smaller. I'm going to check your rectal passage next it's. No need to probe quite deeply. Sorry. It's upsetting that. All right. Is that beginning to cause the end of this. Well right. And still you were here and the. Problem the rest of the area. Yeah. And by

George you know it really is holding its own by 50 or larger or smaller and smaller. Anything smaller than that. I'm going to cleanse you a little bit. This is fall apart. The A of lubricant here. So no way. All right just straight down. Is. That are you all right now I'm kind of pleased with your examination today the fact that your appetite is to mature your way is again for tuning. To you today. I really cannot lay my hand on any active disease. So all indications are that at present time you're probably still in remission that your

excellent pelvic exam is ok too. I can still feel troubled but it's certainly not progressing right now. You know we can talk some more in the. I think getting a break would be psychologically and it would just help your overall spirit. And I think that little extra trouble that should go to getting ready. Let's put it this way you can sort of be under or under close watch for quite a few months now. Oh I know I can do it. So I think you get away with it all right. OK. Now much more weighty question of come up of that dying solid tumor cancer in this country with pain and appears to me. I mean that is very common to die in considerable pain that is hard to get of it. Hey we

cancer you in your life you know it's not. I know that I die but I to plan my plan. I've read in New York I bought heroin from the chemical plant because it gives it stronger because it gives you a better feel. So I got you so I said to Eric you know I'd like to explain this because I'd like to know what's going to happen to me because if I have to face that I'm going to think about that or what what's going to happen here. I mean the British medical opinions have run a number of them are saying that there is no doubt that heroin is the best drug for certain cases. I mean they're quite specific about

it. The statements are coming from very authoritative people. First of all I don't think that we can solve your problem if and when it advances. Well this entire field as you know is changing quite dramatically. There's a tremendous amount of work in exploring much more aggressive chemotherapy programs. Let's get back to. Not everybody that has cancer John when he is terminal with this cancer necessarily has pain. That's one of the interesting facets of taking care of cancer patients and we've seen a lot of patients with cancer who have reached the end of the road who have virtually no pain whatsoever. So I think we should not take that possibility. Can you

predict when it will be in your case. I think there is a reasonably good possibility that they may never be a problem. We do find that girls women who have ovarian cancer who are not doing well and who are destined to die of their disease will not infrequently die with your premium which is obstruction of both kidneys which usually causes very little or almost nothing. It's a matter of fact it almost has a built in anesthetic effect. It's one of the gentlest way of dying that I've ever witnessed. So that to me because I have my reader asked. We've bypassed the early urinary obstruction that you were having. I mentioned this just to illustrate that we cannot say with any certainty at all that pain is going to be a problem. Now you can be

sure that as long as I'm looking after you you know how our group here at the university feels about this. I think we're quite conditioned to the idea that we give the patient when necessary just as much pain medicine as is necessary. Now I know what you're talking about and there is no question but that there is truth to the idea that many doctors and nurses and staff people in medical centers feel a great reluctance to hand out say narcotic medications. Really imagining that somehow we use as little of this as possible because we don't want a patient to get bound up or even addicted. It's silly to talk addiction from narcotics in patients who have terminal cancer. It makes no sense whatsoever. When you examine and I have had patients who to whom I've given narcotics in large doses as often as every 30 minutes when necessary

with no qualms whatsoever. Narcotics are one of the cheapest forms of pain relieving medication. So rest assured that should you have this problem. You will not have to be concerned over your ability to get as much pain medicine as is necessary. There will be no problem. I can assure you that if it indeed turned out that it was absolutely essential for you then you can be sure that we would do everything possible to get some. We don't use it ordinarily because we are simple in this country. Yes. You see it's available for investigation purposes. And if I thought you really needed it you can bet your life that we would get some more. We never did talk about that. Springtime was really good. Just being on holiday. And

then my elder daughter husband and our first grand daughter came up and she felt part of a family. But the next week things were bad again. I mean almost constant pain and at night again we don't know what I. You have cancer again. I walk around with hope I don't go back to her. I'm only on half rations this week and my blood count down. I've been really low like that. So I think I'm better today. When I talk to. Yes really bad. I felt like I was

you know I mean I think one half day of prayer in the bathroom and I go back to bed but my wife was screaming My bad. I just thought well what's the point of living the way had it. I had a feeling I was really depressed. Now I feel better. I had it up and down. This has been the first opportunity that we've got to have some kind of water and been able to invite people in. So now we've got a whole mass of friends very interesting variety of people because there's Jones friends accumulated over many years and then the friends I've made. I've been in Boston most of the university friends and good I think are relatively good because of this drug that she's on at the moment which is giving her a bit of a lift.

But I think the time frame of mind in general feeling of alone is very dependent on the medication. I mean I never realized before just how severe the variations of medication can be. I mean at one time when I left and then as soon as you stop that stop a tremendous feeling of depression I'm down. And then also shouldn't be aches and pains that go even with a drug that gives you a list of dying. So you sort of swaying she swings from one state to another according to what the condition of the drug medication is. I don't feel good. Yeah.

This is probably the worst it at this hour of the day. You just stay longer. It's better not good enough. I mean it's better down than up. Once she had taken her pain medication her mood changed dramatically by. Lack of time. This is Edna who is a therapist. I haven't seen her because obviously having can't feel imposing a lot of stress and I felt that I needed some help don't you know what I sense today. I sense a betwixt and between living and enjoying and dealing with cancer. Yeah that one part of you feels well enough interested enough in doing things the

other parent says or feels I have cancer and I can't do it. And I feel that balance. Well that old and I feel like I want to make which is what I want to take away. How much time do you. What's do it right. I was going to talk today about my mother's diet. Well now remember I said my poor mother so surprised because I didn't think I felt sorry for her. But I guess I do. So I was identify with it to some degree. What do you feel. You know. I don't I don't know yet. I think it's probably good to talk about your mother. I also think though that you're talking about it as it should. I think there's some fear that I

can recall a lot I forget but I can recall how I should have reacted to that. And I'm afraid of acting and looking at. And then there's And then how I am this is just a hunch but because I was so religious I think that I feel that I deserve to be punished. Do you feel about it you think. I think there is some anxiety coming out about. Well what worries me is I don't know the answer and that nobody. And that no matter how much I might read or talk study I'm never going to know for certain. And that basically has to come down to pay. And I got it. But I do have a fear. Not much more than a little bit

of fear. And also I do praise him. I was scared. It's like a reflex action. It's like you know going back getting to child. He was like when when nothing else will help. When I'm in pain and everything is done we can be done and no human can help me. I think he got help. Now I know I know I know there is no god is nothing to help her but I say her it's like I'm just appealing to the next higher force. It might be is a little question is it possible. What happens to the old camp with guilt about the guilt for your sins of omission. Well then I think we'll ask them what malarkey. They know that they live too young to know better. And you know that

Dave I wasn't that's And you know that my behaviors were explainable a number of ways. And you know I shouldn't have to suffer for them any more than I've already said. So even if there is a God and even if there is an afterlife you know it's open. I mean even Well I do feel bad. You do. Well I feel guilty about having had if you. I mean what does the church say is that a bad sooner. You were asked about can we not allow it. You know there are different motives here anyway. We married one man and I hope that that resonate with you. But I'm just trying to get at the levels. Well I remember I was in high school proper I think you know what I felt you know I mean if parents were not to I'm concerned or would you feel.

Well you ok. I guess I do feel that up there in the eyes because I knew it you know it may change that I am and 23 come tell me it's ok but I don't think I've only seen the power. You know I'm still going to pay it when I 12:18. To really develop your perspective yourself. I'm 62 now and I tried to have perspective when I feel OK. But it's not easy when you think I'm going to die. What can happen when. We don't talk much about them. Well I really thought that grandmother died she would go to heaven and she would look

down at me from heaven and see what I was doing. So you all those should be upset because of my review that's what I wrote in my diary. I'm sure mother is looking at me and feeling upset because I'm nice to them. I had my first question. But you don't believe. Or do believe what she's looking down at you. Critically. Do you believe there's an essence over. Do I want this thing. I swear last week you said God will do it because of pain so bad. He said no we're glad to give the medicine chance. I don't want to be upset.

But I wanted to take your phone calls and phone. Have your Boston Strong high I call because the poll is really getting more old and I was wondering whether I think well I mean I am yesterday I took any pain and I felt really tired and I didn't know whether it usually on steroids. My experience has been that I have more pep one time I don't seem to have that extra

pair. I'll take my entire school. I mean maybe I will have to pay. What would you do sir. OK thanks. Bye bye. Tired. By the way you said that my feelings of the team could be pain. You should pain medication. That's a start. But I started yesterday hoping it would take a lot. The new one said Zobrist said that we want to prepare for this.

That time we are all still harrowing he said. For us joy why not have any. And I just so to you I it to work. But I had to do with it. Very bad. All last December. It's just about you know on a scale of your attempts if that was a lie just like. All the pain went away but. You

know. I am being examined by Peter Mostyn. So is the question. This is the time they do to fight the chemotherapy doesn't appear to be working any longer. I find your tumor is growing. You know I'm really nervous because it already hurt. I know. I. Feel. Like my feet in the. Let me know if I let you go. Well he's already here. I know I love you too. To great inside. Good job. We're very lucky that we don't do that. All right. Are

you OK. Yes. Good good. Just a little bit. You know that we try not to be that you should do. So I'm not sure what I'm going to go I need hard for him if you let me know whether this is work. Oh yeah. Yeah I you. So I see the discharge. Yeah and it does look like. Wrestling hysteria and I can get a little older now.

More awful often. Well it's not too bad it's not like oh I find it really foul. Well Jonathan we're going to have to take that little. All right now I'm going to go. You know was Michael. Get some of it so that you are. But I haven't really. What you might think that you know the. It's different. I'm relaxing the pain I have is isn't that high up. Is

there anything you like I'm not doing all that well. I was actually called pretty deeply and I don't think I felt anything terribly different. And for you. I'm going to go on. All right. All right. Yeah. You know you cried when everything is fair. So it really really felt like it wasn't all that bad. What we. Guess it will be no doubt

based on the results of this exam. So he decided to have me come into the hospital for a more thorough examination under anesthesia. My purpose in doing this today is to try to decide whether pelvic tumor has increased in size and also to see whether the area where she is now having all of her pain coincides with the area that we'll be examining and even in the open is that the radio therapist might be able to get some more there in that area. I have a drug really. You can see that quite foul smelling. You know this for. Oh let's say we have a long forcer I see Maryla for that wells up

front. Is really from the rectal portion. And now check her rest of your thing you're the key person to do this. You know that that something that's very underrated. Yes. There's a direct fistulas opening between the end of the rectum and the bed and I think that should be nothing but bone and Fasher. I suspect that she's going tumor in that area that is probably invading the paragraphs and the sake of reducing the pain. You know I think we'd better. Call it a day I think we found what we came here for. I don't get some good news. I couldn't feel any tumor here and all of the tumor it heals so easily. Last till last June and seems

to have melted away liquefied and as we are and as we probed very deeply we could feel the opening in the vagina. We can now feel the opening of the wreck whereas before it was sort of largely plugged up with which we could peel the opening. A lot of scar tissue. And as we withdrew our finger then what happened was an awful lot of us came up at each part of the problem is that you've been developing an abscess down there in the pelvis and you've been draining some of it and you sort of building up pressure draining some that's made you feel better could get access to care for the temperature really better than any other activity. So we're starting you on a lot of intensive antibiotic treatment which you're going to be getting intravenously least a couple of days.

Joan came home and tried to make light go on as usual but things were getting worse for me. I was teaching full time at the university doing the cooking the shopping with the other household chores and I found it difficult to share her enthusiasm for making the house perfect only in a really good relationship can love flourish but that love is not a purely sensual experience as it was in some of the earlier

stages. It is a learning to respect another human being a feeling of mutuality a feeling of growth and of sharing something which is which endures all kinds of trials and tribulations and yet which is or was wrecked by the demands of a son. Two weeks later I was back in the hospital with a high fever. What happened with you in New York. Well Friday I got chills. I was shivering shaking so I started my hip challenge and I thought I had kidney that because I thought that that was the reason why. Not. Nothing in your mouth. I have less. I call for

him to have us here back. Now I know that testing has been one way of saying that I don't want my best at this for a day or so. The Nationals. From the same area the violence seen to have this patient. It doesn't belong there except for the fact you've had an incision and so it could all just be scar tissue. Am I hurting you. I'm going to come by again

in the Morning Joe. You know you'll hear again when you look at small pieces that I haven't seen your chest X-ray and things to do that this evening before the thing at the moment is that you seem to be getting better. I feel bad. Well I'd like to ask him. Could I be released this seven hours per day. Well let's see how things go. The next day or so. Well I think last time around has a chance to win the turkey now. Let's go out and cover it. Three people from Elk Grove that my father taken to. It's a very tough mission. I would be arranging to have them. You mean discharging them to actually going out to dinner

to a restaurant to rob everybody. Oh my Americana. Thanksgiving morning I had breakfast with Patton. Two of my closest friends are coming through here is this woman with two bags 50 to a ballet into which excretes plus. Right. Now how is it possible to be sexually attracted to such a person and to have a sexual relationship. Let me say that as far as I'm concerned. First of all this is not a major problem. Joan actually tends to suggest that we have more sex life than we have. I mean I suppose it's part of the defense of rock is to say well you know it's not so long ago. So I kind of think but I know damn well

I mean you know if I were like Boswell and put a little asterisk in my diary and the last words of my diary would come one every three months. Right. Of course there was a time to begin with when we first started I thought how am I going to react to it. I mean am I going to be put all you know right to be something. For example I've never seen the colostomy. No. What is it. What is this womb. Right. Also it does have a fear of hurting hurting down there right. Well right but I think that was less because she told me something about it and read it up. But I thought naturally I thought to myself who would themselves have never encountered such a situation. How will I react. Will I be repulsed and I can say that I wasn't. Now I think

you