CSAA Annual Conference: Sexual behavior and social ethics; Reel 9 Panel Discussion Continued

Because as her mother. I. Have very special decision. Everything that I say is true or it's nonsense to believe that I'm just another kid in the world today. It's her fault. Lot of givers and takers away mission hours is the sash. Like. No doubt we are tired sad thing. Is how should. We get. Reactions to this question. What do you do much. What. Do you. Do you do you talk

about. What is there you know you start off with. The youngest the most. Yes the concept of the beautiful is a local film coming close to song writing in the sense of why don't we hear a lot of that when you start to realize. That this is a response. To you that you can walk on too long and not feel so forced or we're stuck to what is a certain rhythm where you know. Where they're going wrong and I think there should be a restart for the sensitive good and the tenderness and the most dramatic thing was you trying to inform. The friend.

But there is no reversion runners we're dry here you know. Oh and there are ways of saying there's a new fruit is watching me. So you talk about peace and joy. I don't go. Wrong. It's under bridges were lost son. Come on man sit right here. Drop this on sensitive kids and I let the cycle of life. Not. Really destroy. Something. And I'm talking with the. Group I. Just want to go out and it was remember something. That I'm going to tell you this was one target to get inside a car. Sure it's. Just a thought thought. Meet. Other. People or. Something. Like. That.

I think one of the concerns about parents that's reflected in this debate is a concern that perhaps they have conveyed some of these things that you talk about so feeling that they're terribly concerned about what other pressures are pulling these young people away and create considerable conflict guilt and inner torture. And I think that. This is the interesting differentiation and I think in fairness to the article that I referred to the distinction is made by this mother that. You go on always saying how you feel about relationships about love about marriage about lives but you don't insist on it dating the privacy of your particular adolescent and teenagers

specifically. And I think this is one of the points that Dr. Kalmar army was talking about some of the fear that young people have when you're talking to that. Your religion is there to investigate what was their last sexual or experience that sometimes creates a greater difficulty in communication. Would you want to. Clearly. This is a.

Church. It's one of the. Funniest. One. The style. Is much. Smaller. And. Washington University.

Was thought. To. Do this. For years and I'm. Not and my. Reply. Was it's the right. Person. My decision and therefore what to do to prepare our young person. To be our model. Do you. Live. Where you want. Yeah. I would like. In all fairness to the mother who asked this question so it's not too late. A single communication

sometimes can carry a very message of very great potential. So let us just imagine for a minute some possible dialogue between this mother and the story. Suppose the mother would say and I'm talking in outline terms in outline form. You know I could never ask this question of my own mother. And you know what. It scares the dickens out of me. It scares the dickens out of me because I wasn't brought up at a time when one could talk freely about these things. And it even scares the dickens out of me more because I love you and you're my daughter and I'm afraid unless you think through some of the things you talk about you will be heard. And I don't want you to be heard. So. Let us at least talk I know you will make the decision because you're going off to college and nobody will be there to watch. In fact some of the colleges have now changed their rules and boys can have girls in their rooms. So I know you will make your decision but at least let us talk over some of the pros and cons

some of the feelings involved. Perhaps this mother will Reacher. If not I have known of many young people who have made one mistake. And they needed to make this one mistake in order to learn that. What mother has tried to convey really had some sense to it. So I'm somewhat more optimistic that even then maybe it is not too late. In a sincere dialogue the kind of dialogue some of the morning speakers mention. I agree with you. Because the alternative of course is to say here are some. Questions. Frankly I can't. Believe you. I think this of course is the other alternative that is available.

To many of the. More fortunate parents. We didn't see this clause. What can parents do. Should her daughter come home and face her or the fact that she is pregnant and I think. One of the many of the comments that dark shining are made here is something that is terribly important to help parents even. Anticipate perhaps not in reality but even in terms of the possibility that their children may make the steps just as they did. Some of the mistakes may be quite different but they this what they are looking for is what does it mean when you make a mistake. What does it mean when you face tragedy. Art do I have parents that have the courage to live through this with me. Only only the current parents who. Can come to you. We feel happy. At last and I know you said you know I can understand what this thing

is that you parents. All you want is for us to be happy in a sense what she's saying is we are told there is more to life than just being happy and I think this is a reminder of how much. We need to be a tool to the possibility that things are not always as we planned and as we whole. And even handling such. It may be a way of continuing education. He began way back in the crate. Sure. I think us to. You said that some people have to make a mistake in order to learn another chance. Yes. Whether they have to or not I hope they don't have to. It's one thing for us to say as teachers

to our own job and society is pretty cruel about this. And if you are protective of your particular whether it's your son or your daughter. It's another story. And those are most of the functions of the religious ministry. But it's ethical or theological. Have had these problems and the family has come to us and want to know what to do and what was right. And there are you going this is of course to protect this young person that this should not have been a mistake that as they would say might ruin a life. And in an ethical society. Culture. In this state where a girl can have a baby and unwed. And she can keep the baby and it's accepted. And there's no disgrace nothing to be ashamed of a body. In the middle class community. Even liberal New York. I'm not sure this is true. And because the abortion laws are the way they are.

And because of of money maybe you can play and get out of it if you want to abortion. Also. Depends on. And you would know this more than any of us. What this means emotionally. To which all the particular individual. And this year I've had this kind of experience with families and one in particular who broke the law and paid a fortune and the doctor was unprofessional it was done by one of the best hospitals and so on but it involved a tremendous price and we still don't know the effect on the girl. I'm talking about the one thing to talk about the liberal position. But how then do you bring about a society where a person can make a mistake and learn from. I'm a tourist. I'm one of the people who believe in this really be willing to liberalize the abortion as part of their liberalism. We hear her say I.

Hate her I will miss. Them tell. Their. Sister. This reminds me of the liberals. On the outside this is not heard to say. To the question because. I know you know the medical associations Committee on Human reproduction has been involved as you read last summer with an effort to establish a policy position on abortion that would put it within the medical practice. See the exercise of the physician's judgment. Now. I think that this is getting off track. Except. That because I once. Organized. A. Conference on abortion and the proceedings are. Practically week old women hold up by somebody my daughter's pregnant. My friend's daughter is pregnant. What do we do and where can we go. And I think that. Dr. shiling here will bear me out. I once said. In the hearing of somebody that shocked and

horrible. That my daughter became pregnant. I would probably think that abortion was not the best out for. And I would think that marriage also would not be the best out for. And I think that. Most thoughtful people knowledge of beginning to realize that when people call me up. I say it's to. Look at. This decision as to what is going to be done it should be a matter for. The girl. The boy. And the two for plants to sit down. With. Counseling. Because I honestly believe their nothing is irretrievable in the world. Certainly the redemptive power of human being to. Change and. Grow. Is enormous and we all know it.

And this can be a growing experience if it's done well. Right and not in a spirit of mysterious. Hand. Or Let's huddle winning quick and you have a picture of a pregnant 16 year old going with all of the accoutrements of the pretty in that engine the bridesmaids in the moment things wrong and so forth. And a year later you divorce and a baby being brought up by a. Child. This is a terrible terrible solution. I don't think. That abortion is the right solution except of course in certain cases as a doctor. Incest rape or severe threat to the child's mother. Long cannot. Sit down with our kids. And arrive at a good solution. In Sweden in civilized nation there are centers where the mother. The unwillingly pregnant mother can go and. Her. Anxiety. And. The very last solution she accepts is not abortion. I think this is something we've got to face as a society. This can

be a growing. Learning experience. With everyone protected including the child will eventually be adopted into a family willing and happy. Ready to. Hear. That you're facing one of the terrible limitations of all conference's not is the terrible. Reality of time. I think. That the. Last tolerance. Thank you.