How's the family; Out in the cold

He's not great he's now he's now. Required to wake up your brother. How can I help you. You don't know what you're saying do you. Not another word. You're just going to have to learn young lady that you're not alone anymore. You're going to have to learn to share what I can. Your brother is just a baby. Hello how are you. Top long time no see. Is that this can't be Jim Phelps somebody else pastor. Well by golly I haven't heard from you since. Well by golly how are you Jim. How's the family. Produced and transcribed with the cooperation of the State University of Iowa the National Association of educational broadcasters through w s e y presents the family family always the family.

Most of us have experienced loneliness. We have been lonely when someone we love has been away. Imagine then if you can what it's like to be surrounded by those you love most and still experience loneliness to be surrounded and feel unwanted to feel out in the cold. How can we express such a feeling. How can we describe it to those who have never experienced it. How can we show them what it's like. Let's try through the eyes of a child. And the prince can see now why it's now quite well and tacky ever ask all. Oh very good that's a very good you know it does right someone's going to have to write a lot of new

stories just to keep up with you. I know a lot don't ask should say you'll be a big help in our new baby comes Nancy. Just think of all the stories you've memorized to tell it really tell me. I imagine not for a while there. It's funny Bill. She still thinks the baby will talk to her when we bring it home she talks about it all the time. Oh that's nothing. My brother Myron told me that the day the folks brought me home from the hospital he had the checker board all set up to have a game with me. What won't they think of is after my coming too. No sweetheart not for awhile. He's busy being a doctor. He'll visit us someday soon though. Yeah I'm all finished. Do you suppose your new dehli will like her new dress. Oh yes it's very pretty. I'll go put it on there right now. It's about your bedtime two isn't it darling. Not yet daddy I'm that tired. Yeah I want to give her a new draft. Show me. She hasn't seen Myron for almost a year but she certainly hasn't forgotten him.

Four and a half year olds have pretty good memories. How are you feeling better. Fine doctors say anything today. No nothing new he just said it won't be long now. Murray was sleeping. I decided not to try it on I tell you tomorrow I'm sure she'll like it. Could you finish looking at the pictures now Mommy. Picture all of the album what album mother brought over an old family album she found up in the attic. Nancy and she were glancing through it today. Then Granny had gone home to fix grandpa's supper. Suppose we let mommy rest and finish sewing for Dolly. Why don't we look through the album. Come on Climb up here now the whole Maya is such a heavy girl. You get any bigger honey and you push daddy's lap right down to the floor. Well I think I'll totter off to bed you too feeling all I do. Well of course I'm just tired tonight. Well I'm a Camden No I don't think so sweetheart not tonight. How do you get a little bit of aren't you.

I hope my story isn't really. That is great big sweet heart. Don't forget to. Wish now that we've shown a re our album. What shall we do next Nancy. Well mommy and daddy be here soon with my new brother grandma. I bet they're on their way home from the hospital right now. Then I better set the dishes up for our party. Might be a good idea at that. What does he look like. Is it really like you imagine he'd even prettier than me. I don't know why you know I haven't seen him close up myself yet. Then yes that is the doctors and nurses in the hospital. Don't let people get very close to new born babies you know and I know they don't want babies to get infected.

What's. Infected. When they don't want babies to catch bad germs and things from people it's it's easy for babies to catch sickness just say they're so small and helpless. Is a baby smart. Am I. Right. Yes I really is a big dolly. Why don't you call your brother by his name and say Do you remember Patrick. Patrick. Sky. He sounds like an ass brother Grant. Sure he's got a nice name. Shall we have tea with grandma. I think she's kind of tired waiting. While still having. A party with packing. I think that would be just cute. Daddy just drove up. There where granny is my brother with. Let's see. Let's see. Oh.

Come on now that's gone meet them at the door not don't run so fast sweetheart. Will you get things out of the car bill. All right don't you make any more noise now that's your brother. You better let me hold him up. Better you now you shouldn't be carrying him around so much anyhow in fact it should be in bed yourself. I asked said to me well I feel fine mother. I know when I had you I started and then I stayed in bed a week and when you got up you still feel terrible I am now at least left me having to get take your coat off. All right mother but be careful. You're talking to your mother now remember Larry is reading Cass interior with package money well Marie will just have to wait Nancy. Why don't you be a good girl and go in and keep her company. We're going to put Patrick to bed now. I want to see. Creation and honor. Oh he's cute isn't he. You put him on the bed their mother. I'll take his clothes off not such a big boy. See not

so close dear don't don't touch Patrick now and say Remember what I told you about how easy babies pick up germs. He'll want Patrick to get sick. I hope he doesn't wake up when I move him he cried almost all the way home from the hospital my own reason peptic a pretty face. You're prejudiced both of you not a tall Betty I don't think I ever see a cute thing he was an IQ you hand me that like it mother. Thank you. What do you say Wesson. I wish you wouldn't put your face so close to the baby's dear. How's our big boy making out in here huh. How's my pal. He hasn't wakened ya right. Fingers crossed though you did yourself proud this time I was just telling Betty I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful child like you've got my nose don't you mother. Can I bring Marian to see Pag.

There's a slight resemblance. Course there's no question where he got his mouth and its buddies to a T. Can I show Patrick better not there your dog is not very clean. And did you ever see a more husky boy where he's certainly not sick play I'll say that for him and he's not going to be if I have anything to say about it. No danger of that is a fella. He's as cute as a bug's in here I'm going to be very careful how Patrick is treated. I think that's what Nancy's trouble was. Everyone handled her all the time by the way what do you think about it Nancy. Why don't you go. She must have gone back to the living room. She certainly was excited wasn't it. And PS I hope she doesn't make too much noise out there we've gotten this far. Mary let's you and me have a party. I don't think one Frank Patrick after all. He's too small. Did you see how. His face is merry scran a wrinkle to you. You know I I don't think Patrick is so very pretty.

Treetop when the wind moves. Oh and by golly you're a big handsome boy. Oh I bet he's gained ten pounds these two weeks and he's come home. Can I sit on your I can't hold. Yes Sir Patrick you get any bigger you push my lap right down the floor. Big Fella. Hi. Hi hi. How's dad is Big Boy you've got a sweet heart very tightly hold on to my face just like that how do you frighten me. Patrick you know better than that Nancy. Now go over there and play

with your dog. I think I better put Patrick to bed bill or not yet Betty we're just getting acquainted. After all you see him all day long. I can just see our big boy just our tiny little bit of night. It's time for bed. Yes money you tell me how much they packed me to mommy I think you should go to bed too. You're right Nancy. Come on Vale hand him over. Well I like that. I can't even play with my own child my pal. Sometimes you're worse than Nancy dear. You can read a story too. Now it's time you were in bed too young lady. But I'm not tired. Yeah well I think it's a good idea. Your mother told me you got mad and broke Patrick's rattle today you're a big girl you know better than that. Run along now come on I think when I. Go to bed I'm. Going to. Say what did you say. Go to bed. Why you never said anything like that before. Now I

don't want to ever hear anything like that again. Patrick will be a big boy soon and I don't want to be imitating anything like that. Now you'll be a good girl and do what you're told. Right Danny. I. Don't. Wake up bell when I go out through or go to me it's feeding time already. Nancy's calling go see what she wants to 90 for Pete's doing a baby and Nancy how are we ever going to get any rest. Up bail before she wakes up had 3 0 0 0 in the morning here's what you want Nancy. I want to drink. For luck I've told you to get up

and get it yourself after this. You're a big girl now don't wake up the whole house. I can see you've taken my little mind out of my room. There's enough light. Last night you were cold and I before you had to go to the toilet and where you got your mother me up nearly every night since Patrick came home. You never used to do that. Hackett wakes up Patrick's a baby we have to feed him. You're a big girl now. I go back to sleep or fix my Daoist like Danny but Larry's a magazine. Andrew maybe I can fix it tomorrow night. I'm just going to kiss me. Oh oh sure. Goodnight. I love you too Nancy. Go to sleep now. What was wrong with her and I feel nothing. Nothing important.

Good night darling. Well I think I'd better run along or don't rush off. It's too bad that Aunt Hilda couldn't come with you Uncle Charlie she hasn't been feeling too well this winter. Thought of Bess should stay at home. Well I hope Patrick doesn't get too big before she can see it is over a month old now and she'd better hurry up on his way to school. He sure is a cute little fella. Be sure to thank Aunt Hilda for that lovely blanket for Patrick. I'll tell you the truth she was a little afraid that somebody else might have been or do it not at all surprisingly enough this is the first blanket he's received as a gift Padre it really made a good hollow Uncle Jolly. He's governed everything from phonograph records to dollars and little tin soldiers. I suppose Nancy they're as their eyes on all those. Not at all. She knows all those things belong to Patrick don't you Nancy. Why have you been so quiet Nancy. Uncle Charlie is talking to you Nancy. Why even Padre Bay's more attention to me than you do. Say did you notice how he smiled at me

Bill. Yes Sir Patrick knows his old Uncle Jolly. Say you didn't smile at me Nancy. Well I don't suppose both children can be bright and cheerful. Nancy always has been pretty quiet. You ought to hear during the day particularly when Patrick is asleep. I've warned you about that Nancy. She hasn't been so bad lately. But those first few weeks I thought she'd drive poor Patrick and me crazy. Say you know have you noticed Betty Patrick even looks a little like me. Oh I don't know looks a lot more like me than Nancy ever did. Well Nancy looks more like my brother Myron by the way how's Myron doing these days. Just fine. Still a general practitioner I suppose. Well he's satisfied Uncle Charlie is coming to visit. Well I think I'd better be running along. We hate to see you rush off Uncle Charlie all don't worry I'll be dropping in plenty after all Patrick's the first boy we've had on our side of the family since I was a boy. I've got to watch over him. Say hello to ant hill the forest. I will now be good to

Patrick now Nancy. Why Vail so long Betty. Divine I'm going to live. You know sometimes Charlie burns me up. Betty my dear all the way he looks down his nose at Myron what a muse is me is he thinks Patrick looks like him and even smile that when it was only little gas gives me a pain. And you young lady you were rude Nancy not only with Uncle Charlie but with nearly everyone who's come over lately to see Patrick. What's wrong Nancy. Do you love me. That's what I mean Bill. She'll be doing something and all of a sudden she laughs some question like that or start to cry. Everyone's noticed it. Don't you want people to visit us Nancy. Sure I want them to visit me. Well then behave yourself. If you act just once more like you did this afternoon I'll put you in your room when company comes. What are you crying about. Better alone bail she'll come around it's just a stage. I hope you're right back to me. I don't think so dear.

But you. Mean. Nancy when you helped me yesterday all you did was tease Patrick he's not a toy you know you better watch out Nancy Patricks my buddy if you tease him too much I'll tell him and he'll fix you. Don't joke about that bill they're liable to have enough fights the way it is now. Nancy won't fight with my pal. Daddy will you fix Marie's leg after all. What's wrong with it bro. God. You said a couple of nights ago that it was just loose. That was a long time ago. Well we'll see. I want to help mother feed Patrick now. You're always feeding packet. Why don't you play with me. Oh you can manage yourself Nancy. Patrick's just a baby. You've got to learn to share your mommy and daddy with your baby brother. Suppose you run along now and play with Maria. See bill right here on his stomach. It's all black and blue. That's where she pinched him again I don't know what we're going to do with her she's pinched him before but never while I know

I've already spanked her bail. Poor Patrick he cried so hard. I'll never trust Nancy again we should have spanked a long time before this. She's jealous that's all she just can't stand to have us be nice to Patrick. We'll see about that. Where is she in a room. Yes. Dad I got mine. All right young lady cut out the acting. Why did you pinch Patrick. Yeah I said stop it. Dad why do you pinch your brother. Well you'll stay here in your room until you do know and I warned you what would happen if you didn't stop picking on your brother. Now I'm going to take that big dog away from you. Yes. Marie Now where is. Well I'll find it that I don't you budge on this bed young lady. We'll settle it later. You can come out now. Don't cry. Hi. We'll fix that packet. I he fixed them.

Anything in the newspaper dear. Oh nothing there. Nancy wanted to look at a book or something. I don't feel like looking. Well do something with you honey. Don't just sit there. She's been like that for a week now ever since you took her doll away. It was just as much your idea about it. We had a teacher that we mean what we say somehow. Were you expecting someone there. No I'll get it. Hello Bill one more arrow What are you doing here. Well I'm on my way across. Hello Nancy. How's my big girl. Friend you're the last person I expected to see how Bette I was on my way out west so I decided to stop by and see my new nephew. Can you stay long. My train leaves in about

five hours. Here let me carry one of those packages my room they're pretty big. I'll just set them down here. I just put Patrick to bed Myron. If we go in now we may still be awake. Well come on let's go. Are you going to visit later to see Myra is really a big phone. Well hard things going with you Myron. Fine fine Bill. Would I be nosy if I asked what was wrong with Nancy tonight. Oh nothing. She just going through a stage stage. She's been very jealous of Patrick Myron ever since we brought him home in fact she's been quite a problem she's teased him and why she's even painting black and blue. That's why it was rather embarrassing tonight when you gave her that doll's chair. Bill is taken Maria hidden her in the basement. Marie her big doll.

Oh she's got to learn somehow. Do you mind if I go in to talk to her. I think I owe her an apology a lot for our whole let's not make mountains out of molehills Myron. I don't think I am. I'm afraid I might have touched a pretty sensitive spot. I don't want Nancy to think I did it on purpose. I don't think it would do any harm if Myron talked to her male. Sure go ahead if you want to. She's probably even not undressed yet Myron you know what her room is. Fair to be careful not to make any noise. I want daddy in this. Very one. It's dark in here but I can see. They actually don't do that. You scare. Me uncle my what are you doing. I want to. Hold a chair Nancy don't drop it no let me help you don't I want to throw it in his face. Come on now. There you could have her. Patrick really badly with that doll's chair

Nancy. I wanted to know you didn't you would have been very unhappy if you had heard Patrick. Come on now let's go back into your room and you can tell me about it sweetheart. I had no idea it was that serious Myron. We thought it was just a stage he was going through. We were certainly lucky you came along tonight. If everyone visited Patrick in more or less ignored Nancy as you say I probably did more harm than good by coming much she loves you so much Myron how does that suggest it. I came in tonight and did the same thing passed right over her to see Patrick. There's nothing wrong in that. Not to us there isn't but to a little girl who's had that happen to her over and over and over again. But I tried to explain all that or I see what you mean. What can we do my man.

I'm just a general practitioner Belle. I'll say this much though. Instead of disciplining Nancy because she resents being ignored and sort of playing second fiddle to the baby right now I'd suggest that you and Betty disciplining yourselves from what you've told me tonight. I think of the two of you did more to make Nancy feel she still belong to this family. You'd have a good start on the right road. Speaking about roads I've got to get going. I miss my train. Thank you Myron for what for. Well for loving Nancy so much. I can't possibly love Nancy as much as you two do. Here now to comment on our program is one of the consultants for this series Dr. Boyd McCandless director of the Iowa child welfare research station at the State University of Iowa.

This program brings brutally true for me. In fact it makes me downright angry. Perhaps this is because I am an oldest child and even yet some of the feelings Nancy has rang a bell from my distant childhood for me. The program illustrates the amazing blindness and plain social insensitivity but even the most loving a parent sometimes shell. It should be elemental for any thinking person to realize that children are people too. They can stop or can get their feelings hurt. I can brood can be lonely and feel unloved. It seems to me to require only a very moderate amount of tact and feeling for others to consider a child's point of view occasionally. Someone has said that no adult can appreciate having the new baby brought home means to the older child until her husband has brought home his second wife or his wife her second husband. Your child certainly lay next to your married partner is about the most important investment you can have under any circumstances.

Failure to think about him as a person is not only blind but stupid and expensive. More specifically help out your friends by bringing gifts and talking to the older children in the family as well as to the baby. Bluntly speaking the baby isn't even remotely interested in you but the older children are probably more so than they've ever been because they need you worse. Finally this program illustrates to me the futility of trying to prepare children in advance for the new baby. Certainly the whole advent of the baby needs discussion and tactful planning. This helps the older children in the family to accept the mother's absence from the family and the actual presence of the new baby. But the emotional factors of living with a baby can't be taken care of in advance. They must be learned by the older children when the baby gets home. And it requires all the help the parents and friends can give. There is just no sense in making things as hard for the older ones as these loving but thoughtless parents made them for Nancy. And the

love. But he couldn't. See it. So Nancy Patrick's fallen asleep. I guess too. Suppose you take Maria and we'll put them to bed right now. And when you get done Nancy don't forget to come back to me about the paintings you made in nursery school today. I'd like to see them. What do you mean me another story. What's wrong you're running out of stories for Patrick. I think Patrick is kind of tired. Nonsense sweetheart. Patrick doesn't care if you don't have a new story for him every night. Patrick's just like your mommy I'm a Nancy. It's enough for him that all of us are together. How did How's the family. Where is so darling. John Eastman Joe Stevens great craft merry floor and Joyce angle. Original music for Holly's the family was composed and conducted by lights and housed the families

produced by w s he y for the National Association of educational broadcasters under a grant from the Educational Television and Radio Center and is in charge of the production. Dr. Joye is in charge of research scripts by Fred cedar home James Ware is director. This is the n AB network.