Coming of age; Vic wants to be an actor

You have to stand and you have to pay attention to him and that's all you know. He's a pretty good kid. Everybody likes me and nobody hates him. His goes off on these wild things. He keeps talking about something that nobody understands on him the way he talks a lot of times. He just comes up with these you know but you'll be saying something and he'll stand there and he'll decide to say something and I'll say it. Nobody knows what he's talking about you want to tell you what he's talking about. He just didn't look at him there's nothing you can do. I think the kids liked him for that he's different you know not the run of the mill kind don't know what to say maybe knows what to say he finds something to say. This is Ben park with a program in the series coming of age about American teenagers today. The subject of this program is Vic the girl you just heard is a friend and classmate of his at the end of the program we'll hear a commentary by Dr. Terrence Hopkins because 17 years old brought up in the Roman Catholic faith. His father is a foreman in a steel mill.

Tell me what you think when you know your real feelings. Oh one thing I know about I mean he's not mechanically inclined and I feel that he gets anywhere around me and I'm a lark. I fear we might be a writer. Hillary might be an actor and that's something altogether new to me. You see there's never been action on line. I know in our family tree. And. My family has a good solid outlook on life. I just feel different. I think I feel different than other people buy things you know I want to sort of like create things create emotions and like drama if you can explain how you feel after you've done a real good drama that has taking something out of you emotionally that you've put into it. The play I did it required such an emotional outlet with from the person that you felt really tired if you were done doing it and you felt you were the person themselves when you did it. That's why I feel that I can become good actor

because I actually felt like the person I was portraying in the play. Most of the people I know. They are afraid to really do anything different and they mostly do see the search for security. I Me too to some extent because besides being a creative artist I want to make a good living. When I'm an actor I know it's going to be very hard because that's one of the most difficult profession to achieve any financial. Even if I do achieve some financial or good financial life with a good American life I don't I don't want to have it that easy I want to have problems. I would think that you'd be kind of bored now and then with so many other kids in school. I must confess that I am Some of them they. They don't seem to really want anything I don't know. They they don't they don't concentrate on their work and their

activities don't seem to be taking them anywhere. And we talk to them you know have anything to say. They they me talk and talk and talk but they don't have anything to say. So if I find a person that I have to be near for a while I'll talk to them and I'll. And I'll try to show them something or interest them. Since I want to be an acting and entertaining people is a daily habit of mine. You know just everyone I meet I want to entertain them to some extent and by what I say Whether it's interesting or chocking or whatever it is to them. But some students they they do bore me well. I don't think I'm the kind of person that can be brought into one kind of life do the same thing again and like have a job that is not not nice but there's always a lot of routine to it. I want something different all the time.

You also said that you were worried were that you saw that you knew there were. Potentials for both good and evil in yourself. Yes. The thing is. I think when I do something wrong I think something I think of things in the wrong way or have the wrong attitude. I actually you know I want to correct that. But don't don't seem to be able to get off the it's not nerves It's not strength or any Maybe you could call it strength to do what I actually know is right again something that I actually want to do. So it was the most promising. Yeah I guess my attitude towards sex to a degree yes. I mean I've been in a Catholic school so long and I have so much training. In religion and what I should know I know I know what is wrong and what is not wrong. I have very definite ideas and I feel that they're basically right basically right. But. When I do something wrong in my thinking in what I do

what I read what I say concerning sex is something that where there are bounds where you can speak of it or whether it is just as you say just abuse of sex. And well I know it's wrong I mean it's nuts you can't say swear but use profane language have thoughts that begin to go on and on that they shouldn't and I know they're wrong. You know but you enjoy it you have to say you enjoyed it. Well you know these kind of he made one Somali pick up one of these magazines that all these dirty magazines you find you know I read him. I mean I remember and well that's where you grow up I guess I don't know if you're like my father he never got into a long discussion like you your father should do on sex and so forth and so on. But I've learned that way through other boys and so on. I mean. I guess that is basically the wrong way to do it but most people learn that way. And for instance I may have some thoughts especially at

night when I and. Then I try to drive them out of my mind and then they creep back in and if I can sleep time I may lay in bed for hours and get up and come downstairs drink milk watch television try to put myself to sleep try to tire myself try to read and I can sleep in. It may go on. I have times I stayed up till 4 o'clock in the morning when I had recently went to bed about 11:30 and. I may lay in that then turn and toss and thinking it's the very next day you get up and you're so weary and so spent already. When that happens that's really something that really has an effect on you because you have these two forces drawing you know you want to do the right thing but the bad is so entertaining and so you enjoy it so much that it's hard. How do you feel about sex where does it stand. Really. Well right now I say it's very important because.

Just the age when you actually realize what it is what it's going to mean in your life in the deal always being your life. And I feel about it that it is very actually very important and I want to use it rightly. I see 1 Thess. most of all now because I'm you know this is the age where you're in great danger of turning the wrong way. But there is that conflict again you know you want to use it wrongly now. My appetite seem to be growing and growing every day and with every person that I come in so she can with so kind explain how it is how it effects me because it it's like a. Good bit of it's in my thoughts. I mean nationally in your so she ations it will it specially at my age when you're practically you practive you know all that you're going to know. I asked Vic about drinking when we go out.

We'll buy enough so every person may get a little high but not that they're going to become so drunk that they're going to throw up or anything. I mean it's just a group that I hang out with or hang out with and I see him twice a week. Oh my parents I mean. When they whenever they have anything on they give me something. You know just a little bit to acquaint you with it they say. And so I'm never at the table to desire to know what it is to be drunk because you know they have treated me that way that will let you taste it now know what it is and what can happen you know. And they explained it you know say you know look at your grand for that last wedding or something you know you end up like that. So I think it's my parents it's because of their work that I've never had that desire to do that he was getting so drunk that I can't watch actor's life is a very hard one. You know it's very hard I think sometimes I think that maybe the greatest mistake I ever make wanting to be an actor but I can interest myself in in thing else but I know I was at Notre Dame a summer for a week and I was in my first play

and I was so involved in that and you consumed all my time and I was so very tired at the end you know working and working. But there I never felt any sensation like it in my life. It was just you know the kind if you work hard in the fatigue you feel but it's a good kind of fatigue is the first time I had really experienced it. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. People are they in my meeting Stanton they approve. I was actually surprised because I felt when I first decided it was a gradual decision but I decided that I wanted in the field of acting and drama that I'd been uphill fight all the way where I have to find my parents and teachers and friends but they supported me to a greater extent than I thought they would. You ever feel that their expectations are too much. Yes. For instance we're reading we were reading me best in class you know just reading it not preparing it or anything and I'm afraid some of them expected a great dramatic interpretation of Macbeth from my first time reading I mean I read it but free reading right then and there.

But after a few days they knew that it was impossible although I handle lines up they thought. So even the teacher she I think she expected more until I told her she said you know interpreting the lines the way I WANT TO MY SISTER I'm not Alec Guinness and I'm not reading it. This is the time I'm only reading it freely without studying the pardon analyzing everything. After that it was all right. You know I have a I have a terrible desire to create something and be another Barrymore. Except not the alcoholic. But I really want to do something that will impress the world and have me a memory and it'll be something good for the people to I hope it's a little bit more than hope I have my hectic. Hope that. I have already prepared myself and have some of the fundamentals that I need so that I have a good position to start from and go upward for ever. And never have to look back and fall backwards see where I'm falling and I can

give you a very good example. As I said he went to Kansas City this past week and he had this man I think was the conductor on the train believing that he was from Afghanistan Afghanistan and he was asking him to speak after casting any and that how you pronounce it. And he said that this man believed him. But you've got to take in to consideration was Vic lying when he told you this for me because I really don't know. That's his say so. And other things of that sort that. It was OK. I hope I never become an actor. If I don't do something that is better for people maybe I'll be in a play that will be censored by every religion but it'll be a good play in that I'll feel that this play is going to help the people to know a certain problem and well I can't say that if I do something against what the church is of the right

because that's that's trying to make yourself a God above everybody else and the majority of it. If I have to be criticized or rejected by certain numbers of people because I'm doing something right because I feel that I have to do it I hope I have the courage just to stand away from them. Because there comes that again because if I fall with him there's no reason for my becoming an actor and trying to do what I want to do now. Present Tense future tense I wish I knew I had religion long before I've ever thought of ending theatre so that through the religion classes and I've developed my ideas of right and wrong besides what I've learned from my parents and so I had that first and now I can apply it to what I think of the theater and my goals in theater.

The religion was probably the most important thing in my attitude towards the theatre. He surprised me some time I. Actually shrank. Serious relation you know like from a first time and you'll be making him first Friday have be a confession every Thursday night. Maybe that. More often than I ever did you see. And. He uses that sacrament. As it should be used as I was taught to use and probably never did them myself. We use that maybe once a month as a as a holy name in the same week and we count on that once a month and he will and he will go maybe every week for five six weeks straight and that's for a young boy. Today that sign you placed with it and that's actually surprised I can see. I get the feeling you really you really do trust trust of a Nigerian.

We're after one of the you know we're not that we're not that far I'm sorry late ship that you see on television stories were never been that close. I wonder if I have an image. I am in that way with any unlike you. I don't know. I don't think I've proved it in a way I don't I don't think your father and son have enough in common say to go on. Fishing trips to get money. And less is just incidental for the day or so we've been I mean. On those things but not as father and son. To me I have never felt that way. And I don't. I don't know as I sat there throughout I feel far as. He should like. He should know his boy I try to know him. Rather. But this single father and son as bodies I never could see it. I mean if he goes to a football game I expect him to go as one of his friends buddies not with me.

What do you think is wrong with the fact that you say you're against it. What would you feel if there's some minutes or. That it's just a phone you know I think it's funny ideas that seem natural to me. Maybe just some other foreigners are. Different. I think Riker to me to me and my boy like a little boy I feel that way. You know like if I take him for a hike or something I feel that way when I get older I don't feel that way. Like if I take my two boys and say well we're going to the woods or sign up for a hike. Well I believe in that when I get older I don't. Go for. You know it is time for him to be united and so yeah I want that. You see I want him to be. Independent. And learn to accept responsibility. I think it is just too much. Well I know they call it mommy ism.

Mothers are more like that. They. Want their own mother. Boy. I never felt that way. When they're little i i do when I grow up I don't know what great is. I've never felt that way. I guess my first trial after my first chance to fall out of. These problems are all new to me at the same time being a father grown up kids and looking like a kid yourself sometimes presents. Probably. Not. A surprise to other people. Since I'm the eldest of nine children that's what I see and I have more responsibility than most children and I've helped raise my sisters and brothers you know the little ones now I take care of them and they are not afraid to go out of the house with without me leaving me home and take care of them without any fear. So they respect me I think more than most parents respect their children and so they

give me a free rein really because they feel that I have the right kind of training they've sent me to Catholic schools for. This is my 12th year in Catholic school and I have good teachers all the time and they have taught me right from wrong and they feel if I do anything wrong I know what it is and what the consequence will be. So they give me a free rein I can say that I'm being restricted. For instance if. If I didn't have a responsibility to my parents. If they didn't actually care what I did or what I became While I could I'd probably go out every night and cause all the trouble I could because I know that I'd probably enjoy this cause I have that little sense of adventure I feel that I'd like to get into trouble and I felt as if I was in response to them and to my teachers and my relatives and people who worked with me. I probably go out and cause as much trouble as I could because I feel free to do it and I wouldn't care if anyone cared or not because I know that there's a capacity in me to do something real some real things you know mean things I know because

when I get angry if I get angry. It takes some different thought you have to throw your mind away from this to control myself. I know I'll do something. It's I don't know how far I'd go. The responsibility and responsibility may draw you away from your freedom to do things that are evil. Because we are responsible for something you sort of become closer to it. You know you feel it your own and if you try to do something evil that will eventually harm the thing that you are responsible for. Well you did actually don't want to do it. Do you feel it would make has. Too much freedom. You feel that he's likely to. Wind up doing anything wrong or bad. I don't think you'll do anything on he has enough sense. To know what's right and what's wrong and what he should do and what he shouldn't do. He knows what to do. I don't think anything like that would happen.

I agree with Janet. He has enough sense here. That's his response but I sense that he's going to. Try to abide by in my mouth the same time. Act like I'm not. Last night at today I had a free night and I felt so good just to relax I had really don't go my entire week is taken up with activities and responsibilities and it is hard and. I actually know it's going to be rough rougher living than I thought it was. No matter what life I take up that there's so many ordeals and situations you get yourself into. Living is no easy game. It's an ordeal comes to me this very grave. I really don't know myself whether I can take it in overcome the obstacle whatever it is. I hope I will. I feel that I haven't had the training and I have all the proper. Attitudes and knowledge to do it. I actually don't know because I haven't had a real test in my life yet. Dr. Terrence Hawkins is assistant professor of sociology at Columbia University.

I would say primarily that he exhibits very normal strains peculiar to him or at least to a large number of people such as he I think is the response to religious training. On the one hand he feels that it has provided him with a kind of I think original set of ideas which moral ideas which help him to discriminate good from bad. On the other hand I think certainly the discussion of sex brings us out that to a large extent these ideas were formed prior to his having within him any experiences and terms which the ideas made sense. Now he's being to have the experiences and in effect being to question the ideas the same time and asserts very positively that they do play a role. But in other contexts. For example in discussing. The kind of play he would like to be successful in he says whether or not

it was censored by any religion. Although then he quickly again shifts back to amend this so that the church remains for him a very strong reference point. At the same time his experiences are being kind of dick some of the values laid down. Or. Are making that. Making the values real to them rather than just being words and so is beginning. To reflect on his own and the extent to which he will. Maintain them. I think by the way that's the source of his fairly frequent statements about the the evil was in him and both partly a matter of this kind of training and also the fact that he is now having feelings which he has learned he ought not to have. And he says this rather pleasantly he feels he's capable of doing. But not motivated. The relationship of the parents are markedly different from in this broad sense relationship with the church. He's showing you the ambivalence towards parents that he

shows towards the church. First of all it seems clear the father son relationship is not particularly close as would be expected in a large family. And I think as would be expected by the views which the father expresses of what he thinks such a relationship ought to be like. I think Vic's responses pretty much to accept this. At the same time that he did mention not having a certain kind of talk with his father such he heard about people having. And express a certain kind of tension in a statement about the responsibilities he is expected to accept and take by his parent. I think he feels a little left out and almost through so sense being forced to be free in relation to his peers. Here clearly he he has moved out of the circle of their control. But as his. Ideas do not seem to be terribly closely related to his

what it is Piers ideas he himself express the sense of being different. They certainly view him as a bit of a curiosity. Eve feels a cut above them in his. Ambitions and aspirations. So he's free of that he's ambivalent about the church and he feels responsibilities towards family but no particular close relationship at least with his father. With this then he's thrown pretty much back on himself despite his responsibilities to the younger children and he expresses tremendous ambitions. In all the forms and he wants to impress. He wants to be like to entertain he wants to make money. He wants to go down in history. A very very strong ambitions. But in this case I curious there's no mention of politics and no mention of political ambitions and no explicit indication of interest in power.

Although I think most statements would be interpreted by. Say. An analyst is concerned with power. Still he does not move in today. He doesn't express an interest and broadly citizenship concerns. Did you get the feeling that the kinds of responsibilities he has been given are really productive are really leading toward a more mature outlook for him. So the obvious kind that he has is respect to his younger brothers and sisters he takes care of them when their parents go out he he feels in a sense that that time's but another kind of responsibility which is rather more substantial and which he himself feels as a burden is responsibility for himself having in a way gone out on a limb by being different by choosing to act. He has made himself now responsible for this image he's putting forth of himself and coupled with this than our various

expectations by teachers by peers by parents. And he feels very responsible towards the US and this she feels I think he feels unsure of. This responsibility is I mean he's 17 and he's he's. Trying our self-image as an adult that is he's chosen a career in effect. And so now people are beginning to expect things are as if you're in a career and and he feels a responsibility to live up to the same time that he feels that this is a bit too much at this point. Look let me contrast two things One is the rubric. One is the way in which he is how he feels about sex. And my guess as to how he developed his feelings namely that there are sources of evil in him and that they will try to express themselves but that he must wait to be an adult before he can express them. And then he comes to it as something he

learnt then he comes to the age where naturally his body matures me experiences certain things and he feels he must control these because that's what he learnt. But he learned it prior to ever having any experiences which made the ideas relevant. And you feel the ambivalence and the responsibility he has to live up to these pre-formed ideas. And this is generated a good deal of protection. This is one kind of thing the other guy's situation is the way in which he learned about drinking at least from his own account. You certainly was much easier in talking about his feelings about drinking and he seemed to have a wholesome view of it and he learned this in relation to his parents through certain incidents and through their handling of drinking. Those are two different ways of giving children responsibility to mean responsibility for certain kinds of ideals which they themselves are supposed to express or have. And I think the second avoids a lot of psychological problems for the young person and

gives them a. I frankly my guess is gives a much firmer foundation on. Which to proceed. I think because no doubts about drinking I think is a lot of doubts about sex about his capacity to live up to the ideals which have been set for him. He has very few doubt anybody's capacity to avoid being drunk. Next week coming of age is made up of the voices of three boys who are members of a fighting juvenile gang. Coming of Age is produced for the National Educational Television and Radio Center by the Center for mass communication of Columbia University and distributed by the National Association of educational broadcasters. This is Ben park. This is the end E.B. Radio Network.