Exploring the child's world IV; No dates after 2am

No dates after 2am Diane is 14. The man thought she was 16. He is 34. She thought he was 21. Diane has learned her lesson. She's going to stay away from older guys and listen to her mother as soon as mother sobers up. I think most of us would agree that we are pretty difficult people to live with the times we can also be deaf dumb and blind to other people's needs and wishes. This is the standard definition of narcissism. Since others do not seem to share our enthusiasm for seeing that we get what we want we can easily acquire the feeling that they are being unfair if not unjust to us. We are treated unjustly at times. We will be treated unjustly in the future. This can make us grow bigger or smaller. We're all as big as the things that annoy us make us angry or get us depressed. Some people get angry over nothing or close to nothing. It would be easy to work a program of being nice if everyone else were nice thoughtful generous kind forgiving and loving.

It's fairly easy to be kind and nice to someone who is kind and nice to me. The person who is kind and nice however does not really need me. The one who needs my kindness is the person to whom nobody is kind. Usually nobody is nice to a nasty person to be nasty to a nasty person usually makes him nasty or he does not profit from punishment. He may learn from kindness. We have excellent social vision. We can see another person's faults and failings with our eyes closed. We can think of a blasting remark that will knock a button off his vest at 100 yards but this does not usually help him. I don't that it is even intended to help him. Of course in dealing with delinquent children if one waits until they are nice and neat clean and pretty mannerly and rich. Time will run out. Here to preview the problems of a delinquent girl who is not exactly nice yet is Father Duff a professor of

sociology at UK university. He speaks from the county detention facility at juvenile court in Pittsburgh. Father Duffy Diane has what we call a poor self-image. She sees herself as stupid dumb slow weak. She has already been seriously involved with three adult males and this gives her a considerable material to feel guilty about. The father is absent from the home permanently. The mother both drinks and appears to be punitive when the child is bad and unresponsive when the child is good. Diane finds that the good she wants to do she doesn't do and the evil that she tries to avoid. She does. And this makes her mother stand soberly on the side of law and tell the child that she's going to get hers. Sometimes we find an older girls who come for counseling a kind of dilemma that faces this child. If the girl obeys mother and conforms she is angry and feels deprived and cheated if she defies the mother. And this

always involves a flight away from mother. She feels guilty. Unfortunately all of Diane's flights have been in the direction of trouble and she flees to people who themselves are mixed up and take advantage of her. How will you die and what you Catholic or Protestant to Catholic school in my grade and. How you do in school. You're too cool. What gives you trouble you don't like school. We can't do the work. But one. Can do the work. Can't. You think you could make out better if they put you back in the seventh grade. I don't know I think if I'd if they just make me show these great and good health. If I did that child in the eighth grade work. We were here before but with our four. Children whom playing up for school when you ran away

and it was the first time you were here. No. It's my fourth time shift with what happened the first time you hear how come you were here. It was a mystery school. How long were you there. 13. Did you start liking school by that time. And in the second time. It was the same thing. Third. And this time what is it. A drink can you win away playoff. How come a girl like you drinks too much. Would you like to find out. What it. Is because you might to taste them. Is it because other people are doing. Do you get. This because you can't resist the offer of a free drink. Do you think. And when your drinking is with adults we run away and repeat

my age you're only. When is anybody else in the family drink. My mom. How about you Dad. My dad a much business. He left he never lived. I wonder what this does to her when you run away. Your role is not about me. But I want. To run with a man this time. Means that you. Good enough. I just ask. A girlfriend. When I was sick or all my discussions. With his guys Mary. J said one this morning. And then do they take you somewhere. Where they take you to some other state or. The. GUY JUST PEED. In a corner to just look at. When they leave the work room where the other worker what.

I am I don't even know if they were to know and I never will. It was the first time I've ever seen them. And when the pre-buy fells. Point to me. Whatever that means to you. With a nice way back the same NICU. Did the police pick them up. I am. Going. On Thursday and I went to court Friday and they brought me here. And did you see these men of the court. This was for a different thing in the world. Where you go to question a different thing. But as. I look out live all. You have to tell me you don't want. And I don't think you want. To move. On. From there. Doesn't everybody feel but what. Do. You feel you bet you are better you did something bad.

Or both. But how do you think you can recover from being so bad. Or is at the end you can never get for giving up. Well it would. Likely come. What do you learn from this you were involved two times with two different men. Never again will you. Nevertheless Well listen you guys are you. Because if you do get in trouble. And are your pre-series trouble now watching. Do you ever remember your father. By same time when you were little baby and little girl. You never came around. Were you on relief then use other stone. Does all this trouble that you're in does it scare you or make you proud or are you happy or unhappy depressed.

So sorrowful. Does your mother know about what happened. She knows so much which she doesn't know how bad it really is. Not this time. Not this time. She knows about the other shared core. They told her in court about what you had done. She was find it hard to look at her actually. Could you ever talk to her before. I never talk to much. Time on her just just and I do talk. To my mother. Yeah strange thing I get. I mean I just never saw a dime tester. Did you feel she was not interested. Well she didn't know anything about it. She didn't want to help her just a little saint sternly. Well it's usually starts when you're small. There are a lot of things that you can't really talk over with her you can't communicate with you what. Is it you. Can

Use. Because you have to talk over with other people than. You would talk dozen people. And they came right out with what they thought you did and asking which is true or false to us it was true. Because they knew now what any of them. But you can never bring it yourself around talk to your mother like that. If. We had some wittily. And you have nobody. Except these guys. But in a sense I think that they took advantage of you didn't say didn't really love you. Especially married one. I was looking her you know you with a single. We have the same first girl she told discard her young and she told me just to say that I was 16. So I told her I was 60. Dan are 62 in the dices are 20 years old. So I don't know how they listened to

that woman tolerations a person you're told that was 26 and 31 but date for one long drawn young you knew Little Joe and then when he talked about 20 food. Well what do you think would have happened if you were threatening to tell on him and he started to choke you up in his cabin in the woods. What would have happened. I quickly told animals to rest no hassles no phones. Can this make unsuspicious be taken away somewhere. See the promise to bring me back so I thought Well today I thought the group was real trust for you. So she said Richard bring me back and I begged them I did I bade him say bear. Mrs Naylor says you can whack him if you go you know you don't want to go there's Tonio stuff here you need one or giving you drugs. Yes just as well give another beer should be all right and I believe that I was a novice know things I was drinking it so says Wonder what my mother would say show the customary thing look awful

and this is where the little child is way back here and then I start crying Don't worry you'll be all right. So after there are kids who are drunk normal here I fell asleep. But there were some sex involvement to. You. And then they finally brought you back to the salient don't you know what. We can continue this morning. I was with E. coli scare mother son Mr. They could take us with us because his people would all be done. He'd pick us up day after day you know the next day when we got out they were like us and. After that she told us we could you can recruit who's running away. We 100 day I walked up to her but my mother didn't know who was there because he was but you were up at this lady's house every night

and the kindest lady asked my mother so we got out of where. They stood so dispersed over here for there. So you never really had a father or mother that you couldn't talk to. Especially of any kind important things or delicate things. And no wonder you drank I think you drank because you were probably scared. I was scared. You don't know what these men were going to do know even who they were you probably don't even know the right names. It's Friday. But you do know at the time you were with them to give you false names. Which means they weren't very honorable fellows. What do you think. Well the way I think just girl that we would not do with she schoolmarm asked in his other groups to go along with an investor said no when she came to me and I went. So it must have been the first time.

True enough for her and probably not for them either. Had you been in trouble like this before with voice. Changed you were before so this wasn't strange you knew what was going to happen. I nosed in it with these boys that. We know little. And did you feel pretty bad about. But just I. Mean you. Can have a million decisions as to what you're going to do with a line of ways can you think we're going to get back involved again or what. We were going to ever do is get you know what kind of stuff. I mean. I think you might think about. Oh I think I don't mean what do you. Want just marry not get informed with any guys don't want to stay where people are than me.

Michael good start. Listen to all my listeners seem to Amish vision to get in trouble not saying no on you and give you warnings but she doesn't communicate with you otherwise you think you can ever bring yourself around her regularly day to day basis. Finally think talk I just don't have time for you and I'm not just. All I have to talk talk to I get skeer isn't oh I just don't do it. Look scared of her. Oh no. Somehow our Friday our search questions at times silly or something. But why to you mother drinks and now you're turning towards it. This is the way she handles her problems and forgets about them. When she's got a mind Occam's. Razor to solve the problem. See I think the difference is she drinks to solve problems you drink so you

won't notice me. Do you. See other words it lowers your resistance so you will now do things you wouldn't do if you were stone sober. At least that's when the last time. Didn't. That's what I did. Just Jenks I would never understand a word if you were stone sober you couldn't go off with two men who we didn't know. One of them was married. And go to a cabin and stay with him a couple days. And live like husband and wife that's what you were doing as an enemy. And then you see you have to pay for months and years maybe forever you'll be paying for the mistake you made there. Suppose you're going to get married six or seven years. You see it would be a big big problem if this man shows up at the wedding start to talk to your future husband. Ministers fight with him. Or if he tries to blackmail an event you marry somebody who hasn't money.

Lucy looked like complications you could get into. And this is why I think you have to have someone to talk to you run that talk when you don't want to talk how do you know. How you do it. Going to church. I think I can do what we need to start dropping off. And in your really get going. Oh I know I was supposed to keep going. I just got tired of him. You got hardly a church. We used to go Willie Moreno just after school time to go to church together morning and you could too much of it I thought I did. And then when you start getting paddies It was while you were still going. The church regularly or their. Pastor came in about 6 or so gray. And one started using. Frenzel. And that would

teach you to get one. That are going to travel it will teach you to get a holders and better. Friends. And see if you work with nice girls who do this kind of thing. And you do seem to be pretty easily led or are you were and are you know are you a follower a leader. LOL So if you follow good people. And big starts I guess you'll be like they are you know you find it hard to resist when somebody ask you to do something you normally wouldn't do. You know just somebody asked me yeah let's take a game. I can model. Would you go. Now. ANITA. You know I would read Yeah you would go so you can go with somebody who doesn't steal cars you probably won't get picked up in a stolen car. That will meet you. And then you don't do well in school or you quit going to church you could going to sacraments

you don't get along well at home you get along well known in the community. I don't think the police are too happy with you already. And it just you. Have other neighbors there a neighbor's wife workers how. Do you think people like him try to you know that really nobody is interested in you really is it you. Would you like somebody to be. Good and she care. No mother. And Hoshi she forgivingly she cried. Does she. Understand. I guess she's everything. I mean she wants me she says. I go to learn and she just told me have to pay for what I did was pretty punitive kind of.

She's the judge an executioner. She's determined she'd sing people. I just go home mooch just to listen to tell me go to church. I tell you I was going to church I think I'd just go and my dad wait my girl went to a church going get a bowl and then go wouldn't you know that you were in church when she didn't see you there and she's there. And when you get married have a little girl. She will go either. Way you will be the one she will go. We think. When we go to church. Your mother there's a good chance you know girl you get married you have little if you go she Will Rogers because you know if it isn't worthwhile to mommy it is worthwhile to me. Why I should be really good to go. That's where you figure. See if your life is premixed or. Isn't

what's going on except YOU THINK STRAIGHT OUT. I just want one more chance. You think anyone watching so I promise I'll never do no such thing. You want to do wrong the last time when I gave you a chance. Yeah but I don't. Or do you want to do right the last time. You were here before a few weeks ago. And you said then that if you got a chance she's right and you didn't want to be right and because you control over again. But this time very different. As it. Was Different just more Strobel I was before. So the worst trouble you get in. The more you determine to be good. You mean. What makes you want to be good is beginning to be trouble. So if you take away the trouble you have to be good. It's what you say. To

me señor. You know I think I'm like thank you. Say what will it take to get you go to church on Sunday. I would take you know what would take you to get you to go to church. Strength you know only. To. Be strong enough to go without being handcuffed to go to church when you like the game myself. OK the one thing you might do. What else would it take to make you look better and make you pay attention if I get more often in other words you have to watch out than for truancy. That's your problem. I think someone screwed just like just that I do real good but would be like if I go to school for a week. It should tell me that in the wake of general good. Sickest days I'm supposed Again we're trained and I don't care because I'm not a liner. Because I never

did nothing you know like. So easy on your dinner. So they told me to stop telling yourself. My goal was to go and help sister at school or something. You should tell me I don't real good. And she tell me I should talk to me Tell me I should do play work or nothing from school that I have the brain all now no dinner and next day I'll play mode again. It's difficult to get a girl to school and she's had kind of wild experiences. Your school's pre-teen. What do you want to grow up. Oh a couple years ago. You just want to be a sister. I wanted to. Have you given up on that. Because you really could be another you'd like to go to church. You're in church half the time word. And you know God all. Do you think you want to be a nun to make up for something that you do or. Do you like the life. You like to live.

But that requires a great deal of education today. And you know. What your second choice famous call time. To do what. So it was the most the time. I mean you've given up the nun idea when your second choice what would you like to be if you can't be a nun. I never figured I. Was getting to a point where you're going to have to figure out otherwise you'll be nothing. Do you think you're likable. You don't really know whether you're likable enough. Or you ugly or pretty. Oh never mind when you think you don't or smart. I'm done. Are you trustworthy or untrustworthy. Bunch other

people can trust you. Not no more. I was interested in getting your self-image. You know what kind of girl you think you are. How about give me a summary what kind of girl do you think you are. Besides being dumb and not knowing whether you're ugly and untrustworthy What else do you think what else do you see yourself as being. You think you're hopeless. To me but then what do you think you are. You can make a recovery start to be a good girl or a nice girl or is it too late and it. Might start to take a different person. How do you go about it. Just trying to do my thing you know like take one engine. First you notice and you know exactly. As long as what they want you to do is right. Because when they want to do which wrong they have no difficulty persuading to do it good.

Up to now I mean. So if you associate with my people and they persuade you to do nice thing to be nice Gurley Brown will be one. So in that case it's not hopeless. The only roadblock as I see it is is that. You go with the wrong people. And they lead you in funny ways. And unfriendly ways. And you come out the end of it and all kind of trouble. That you can't get out. And now I think you think in terms of all his chances because. I think you realize it the last chance is going to be one of these times isn't it. No I just prayed recorded I could. You know. The most awful to do generation to the right things turn around.

And you can you know because I don't think he's going to refuse you help. You have been listening to exploring the child's world. A program in which the child speaks. Father Francis stuf a professor of sociology education university has outlined the features of this world and conducted the interview with the child. This is been a production of the radio service of Duquesne University in cooperation with U.K. news sociology department. Technical director Fred McWilliams program director and announcer Carol Burnett. Listen again next week for another in the series exploring the child's world. Eat eat eat eat eat was.

This program was distributed by national educational radio. This is the national educational radio network.