Exploring the child's world IV; Rocky

Nobody would swap for me. At 14 Rocky is still plagued by the problem of masculine a den if occasion he does not know who or what he is. He is like the dead baby in the scripture story whom neither mother wanted. He says nobody would swap for me. It may be a mystery as to how acorns grow into Oaks but there is no trick to it. It is just a matter of time for a boy to grow to be a man much more is involved. It is a tricky and hazardous job. The way is broad and the gate is wide. But some there are who fail to find it. A boy needs an adult male model on whom he can fashion his basic masculine orientation on the biological basis of anatomical masculinity. There must be an overlay of masculine feelings and thinking reactions and habits psychological social and cultural elements. He has to learn the male language in the mail address. He has to learn to relate with others as a male. If a little boy has no one to show him how to be a man in the world he becomes damaged he will become like those whom he does

see those whom he learns to love or fear. If a boy cannot draw acceptance as a boy he may settle for ridicule or he may take refuge in the disguise of a female in order to gain the safety and the protection given to a female. This may cause him to wonder and to worry it may cause others to wonder. To be concerned and possibly to laugh at him ridicule him further or to punish him. Such reactions to the boy may cause him to beto deeper into his fictitious and fantastic world of unreality which he may people with mystery and miracles and chance mint and disappointment wonderment and panic here to preview the features of the life of such a child as Father Duffy Professor of Sociology at Duquesne University Father Duffy. Someone has said that we are what we know. We know only what we remember consciously or unconsciously. Memory after all is nothing but the continuation of

knowledge. If we could remember nothing we would know nothing. On the other hand if we were to consciously remember everything we ever saw or heard tasted touched or smelled life would be pretty unbearable. This is why we have a sort of built in windshield wiper that automatically discards and stores sense images and Maje nation's thoughts and feelings. Many of our experiences can be recalled at will other experiences are harder to evoke we can't remember them the memory then is a selective faculty. It will operate in some areas and not in others. If a person does not let his automatic windshield wiper operate he becomes preoccupied with experiences that seem especially important to him. He may become so preoccupied that he lets go of reality and concentrate on his injuries. The injustice is done to him. The minor and major hurts and insults of life. Of course some people have every reason to remember bad experiences if bad

experiences occupied a major portion of their early lives. The boy we are about to interview has had a childhood which we might call damaged. He spent all of his life in three orphanages and in ten foster homes. Somehow he was able to put into words the idea that he was caught namely that he is not wanted or in another sense he is being rejected. He also makes a logical bridge to the conclusion that perhaps he's unwanted Will he sees himself in what we call a person's self-image as being a broom or a dish rag. In one home there was a discussion about trading up to one child for another child. When asked whether this meant that his foster mother would swap him for another child he answered nobody would swap for me. It is apparent from this child's story that women were the important ones in his strategic environment. Women not men were the ones who took him in as a foster child. Women ran the homes and ran the schools. Men were either absent at work

or they were submissive passive dependent creatures who only occasionally erupt and asserted themselves and became abusive under the influence of alcohol. The boy had no strong guiding loving male on whom to pattern himself so he patterned himself on the females whom he knew and feared at the moment he does not know what he is. He occasionally dresses as a female. He has adopted a sort of feminine quality to his voice his expressions and his gestures. He inclines to things we associate with females acting mysticism dressmaking singing music and poetry. Perhaps he feels that girls do not get hurt or if they do they deserve it. There also may be the element of feeling that he if he is hurt so often he must deserve it too. We must not blind ourselves to the possibility that this boy has regressed to a sort of sexless or sexual stage of very early childhood if indeed he ever emerged from it. Here then is a very pathetic little boy.

If you can tell me from here what you think it was mostly a miracle that when you know when it came to came a day when I didn't know. Almost Tuesday was not a threat well from farms How come you want they were different. First. I would turn my last song come on my side. The best short term I ever had. How many foster homes. Factory have stuck to him for to Mother she said I was unarmed and I thought then I got the idea that that was a tense moment for Wesley where I've been and that lasted ten for two homes and I've been at stake haven for 10 14 and then this one sister. She sort of begrudge me two of the last days of my life still. This is the kind of harkening pushed around from one place to another.

Yes I shall be glad to change for change when I was the day before I was leaving the US today before I was leaving she said. You're scared because you're tired of being pushed John R. said to myself that I was a doctor on child point of things like so and. I was about to tell Robert Plant the surprise to them and she understood. Why does it make you feel like when you go from one place to another million different times I know we're going to be live later on but I don't think it will be that to large it will be it. The hardships will decrease because I generally. Talk about Tommy a little bit about your family would have been them. It'll be here March 30 first because I did I know my relatives because I was supposed to go to the hospital. I told you yesterday our first great hospital March 21st and that's when I met my own home and

it brought two or three others. My first relative you ever knew the first four were of my own reality and they became my family and. They stepped in the lobby and I was happy to in the end in one story they call me down. With our own and I met these people and I. Said they were my relatives and eventually sometimes they don't police from the you have to ask the game are you my uncle which is man's natural what I said and I wish they'd just a couple minutes after the whole thing took about 15 minutes. You knew your mother and father now. They told me my mother was dead. My father was dead and my mother she drinks. The 50 mile radius. Well you know from the earliest periods of your life.

I broke my marriage I was laying on one of those poached wings it was green with wooden arrows laying long long lines or. Lengthwise. And they were put under the left and to the admission and. After it got back and forth and kept catching up. And I missed it and it's got me rather they took care of it on the day. Cool go for a little bit more regular day. Have you had surgery on it since just in April the first week of April but how will you get two or three. I certainly shall. And what's the next big thing you remember. Oh these two people they were these two people then this was a foster home. You know these two people were had one wanted a boy and one wanted a boy star. They switched the men were done at work and there. I was the only one home and one made sure it was a good scene because she made me

a nightgown which it's about this time it was about this friend and I thought it looked like nightgown. Yeah but only out of my life I would have had this nightgown on it would have been my ankle is a little on the floor. You like Nike reasons and paper only. And I asked them why I would want one and I was eating my breakfast and the day before that they were Kondo seen about twitching children on woman she switched her baby from her. Those are the same age as them to children. Thanks for what you have. No one would please. What was the size of your having. My. Last four before we die. And then when my food funeral rivaling to have you had any happy moments you know all these years. I don't think I think you have come as a very

joyful. I remember one night I went to bed. I was black and blue all over. I don't know what but everything hurt me. I didn't care about a card when that bothered me I didn't care then because believe me you made a big issue of Urdu from entrance. The good part about it was when no my hair was yellow blonde I like blond hair and I asked. I woke up the next day and I will. My hand will Brown. And my manhood long. You know I have to change I would like to but I sound good and and listen to like Christmas in the morning. It's kinda sad I was in heaven I went up there would you know her like you're good. If I would go to bed tonight in this room and I would see those holes over there on that wall and how they would be due in the

morning and that just like it was. But I will. I feel that I'm on our friendly continent far for the future is for me but. I have a vocation but. I'm not too sure of a bitch. I'm not going into the world. I think a new a new order from. From there and the new world will be. A little less each other. And I. Don't know if something like the guardian angel. Only. But I've been thinking that would be if I would of. Been thinking they're making it up myself it was thinking that I would get down to a place from heaven but. Our kit where I go just as long as I get what patients have and I get just as long to try to get there.

Did you have any ideas. Oh I have a funny I actually removed it it was it a week before everything which I was roundly every time someone said I left it to find it a bit. My brother come in my fork a brother came in me he says. His detainment by PBS and his dinner look for Matalin and he caught man so he dropped the chain belt on her arm. OK lucky I had a tray underneath. I was in my Sunday clothes and everything. And. Friday night or Thursday. Every. Kid dropped in on the train. Did you wish it was not to young to somebody. There was. A little bit. I used to. Sometimes I wish to dress up like I like to put together put together a place and now. And when you were playing you know. Do you dress up like a girl

where you get the clothes. We had a box of clothes the name my sister should put down now a movement parent like. So I put it on and I took my mom. It wasn't much but I mean it wasn't what you put in. It was one of those that they have on a regular mop Numenius we don't. Yes. And my mother saw me dressed up like a good and she really took a hit. I thought I remembered what people said about me you know but it was just didn't have a distraught woman. Some people just we had an unexpected visitor. And Bill and he wandered down to the bathroom to check something out for. You know his wonder check our supply on something really rather really interesting. Oh it was a world that a ball picture but.

Nobody would accept it as a valuable one. It was shock to type a mere You know one like from the Madonna. She would have been. Damn to appear to her and then had to feign time. Elizabeth was in my report it was to her and you know like the end only would a clear declared turn my mother and told Mark to give jackets away and some of the same and influence other people that place not to take it if I know they were a bit like the temptation they had to have a pitch. Nevertheless they would move to impeach them in case saw me and he said You're out of going to show business my brother said a little sort of contrary to that and I hate him got dressed up good natured and I would salute the Wicked Witch of the West. Your brother now the Wicked Witch of the West and

Hay said you look back thought that the court may have to get callously they said you look at how it could be that you should really be running not ok stop at my brother's hat. I think I understand my brother's holy name which from the Wicked Witch of the West to that. Death of the girl should be guarded and he said Now I do better that which you act like one time time and that got me in bed fellows. I've got everything and I've got dressed in a long time for the gowns I thought the gun would be the cattleman tone so I took that. I couldn't fix my boom onto that. And so I grabbed a boom and I started chasing him and knew that it like a joke and I sometimes make someone mad and they want to try to keep me happy net and think his laugh and chase should not. I intend. I will certainly not argue about that

Christmas SEAL program on the Golf Channel. Where if I'll be paying for anything I like Ricardo went with these people here. So I could join for that in the UK. I guess it would be a surprise if some of the all the people that knew me strongly here. Will let me ask you to have your life. Hello world. So Cheney's got the feeling that people like you or they did like you. Yeah I think some of them would acquire a warm wonder made a reputation but it fits. But I didn't but I accepted it. And another boy I want to do singing and dance and continue the how I want to play and he had other for a deep voice and I of course have a high voice and innumerate I love singing and blending I couldn't play neither of them

couldn't play one without the other so I didn't tap them a bomb but I suppose I get a cool reputation. A place and. Seem to get it became one big sin. It became like a planet not that we act as if everything was wonderful. We had a play and the supervisor the whole day. She walked up to me she said you in the car according to the picture. According to the way you are running around the nation look I would continue to get the house decorated to have to want to be initiating you after today are you going to supervise the whole thing and I said yes. They want me to because they know how good of an actor I am. Did you receive visions for you personally. I warm thought are from my.

Can enter the field of life and I think. I heard from Boyd here and it looks like they do on television. Of course when someone comes from heaven to there's a lady and like the Madonna to fathom all life in the moment but. My window opened. And something like a sheet or something it was sort of. Gray you know that it was cold and dark. I didn't know I was. I guess I would go to heaven if I didn't get there but you know I learned or didn't I just didn't like I don't need so much to think of that. Welcome when you want to believe. Like when he spent his whole life story. I love to travel. And I want to become famous and the. Age of 20 and you know life. Sensibly. Should be time a blue hill hid away in the cloister. I consider myself a

broom washrag. Sometimes I say to myself you know in the activity I'm tempted to go and I never want to distract I get out. Same with now I'm in the party we had a dance party tonight cracked a little we were doing a poka I could do that perk up and. Somebody knocked me down. Well I thought well everybody else is the one going to crash and take drugs but we didn't get in trouble for. I said he's done it so I'm going to end and I did I was the only one crashing the party after he knocked me down with me and my best friend for him. And we are told You are like a tornado and crashed people 102 she won't run. Out I was about to say that just anyone up or down. No not the darkness roof is gone and there took the other good time

go walkup machine lanky fan which is sort of small and social get out of my way and I would never fight back but I just for the fun of us I'm nocturnal. I am going she said when she laughed like man you like girl you and Michael. Even in spite of the embarrassment of the boys over there you know I didn't know none of the girls wanted to dance with me but one day when a snow mother disappeared she gave her first day and I danced with a couple friends to the last day and I did my time there. What were you most. Well-connected you looking forward to the next place we like. I hope it'll be yes if it be a fart to her mind.

I'd like to earn money I want to. Get into a backpack I use an F my ankle but. Yet we're sort of in a downturn. I guess you had money you would need somebody. I can trust where I feel because. Sometimes. I'm scared a little I think I am on my own. Path. Do you know that you know they told me that there isn't they don't want me. You're not very good at this is it. Or you think it's funny and I actually lived with him a week. He said Yeah I think it was total joke when he came in with a new and I thought he said I'd rather have you with the Lodi card. When's the last time you cried. That's the day I was leaving. You don't want it. We're so happy right now.

Like I know you know that they're never actually right. That does not mean I never like to see people show gratitude. Did. THE PARTY LIKE TO CRY. I'd guess the happiest day that would please me. I guess it would be a me of course I would go to heaven without judgment even the way I am home would be for anybody would. Like to be inside with or without going in the door. Ok now I'm going to list our good of heavenly ark to my fellow watchin Longfellow and of Lucia a part of a single phrase for man to know in his paper. Oh not his name. Another it's another

poet. OK this man but here's another thing I wonder. Give your time to kill one man with trying to influence him to write eventually. No. I walked up and no one thought of Longfellow. He said I'll take the road but I was thinking if it would get famous that other guy would probably get jealous and from. I couldn't get that on the way. Then other men would probably say well you didn't take a train to get have taken. I had seen I mean I have been there. They would eat and engage them a bit no. No I think it's about enough women I want a beautiful poem but I remembered what happened to her. It would be better to write a second.

Beautiful become famous but I think the depth of the period. I think it will never be better if I go to heaven just to say. That my probably up to just the same. I have a prayer I have made it out of the church from home. Oh you haven't really had much like that had I think after hearing Rocky that you will agree he's a rather unusual child. On the positive side he has a great deal of imagination and creativity that could be channeled into wholesome socially acceptable directions. We do not know the extent of the damage done to him thus far by the circumstances of a very painful childhood.

He could easily become better and disillusioned. On the other hand he could take all the roadblocks and make stepping stones out of them and rise far above where he might have risen if he had had normal parents and at least one chance at normal living. Certainly on the positive side we must not overlook the fact that he is mannerly. He is courteous. He is well spoken and of course he's outspoken. There's nothing secretive or sneaky in this child's personality. If the world were to approach him in a kindly and understanding way without ridicule without suspicion without criticism and teasing I'm sure that he would soon learn that the world is a place where one can be free and safe and at home. Then the world around him would find that he too has something to contribute to it. I am sure that he would put aside his mask of superstition and false mysticism. He would not cast himself in the role of a girl if the world would once accept him as a boy. If someone would notice his little drawings he would not have to invent miraculous

paintings hidden away in orphanage basements. Perhaps if someone were to kiss him good night he wouldn't be visited by an angel. Perhaps if he had someone to accept him encourage him. He would no longer feel like a broom or a dish rag. These are things that are used but not displayed. Perhaps the boy feels too that he is being used in some way and he is not ever living up to the expectations of others. So he's passed around and discarded. You have been listening to exploring the child's world. A program in which the child speaks. Father Francis Duffy Professor of Sociology at Duquesne University has conducted the interview with the child and to find the outlines of this world in the summary that followed. This has been a production of the radio service of Duquesne University in cooperation with U.K. news

sociology department. Technical director Frederick Williams program director and announcer. Our older man listen again next week for another in the series exploring the child's world. This program was distributed by national educational radio. This is the national educational radio network.