Child beyond; Nobody buys a broken doll

That child beyond produced by Radio house the University of Texas under a grant from the Educational Television and Radio Center in cooperation with the National Association of educational broadcasting. The child is beyond the hurt and the handicap beyond the defect and the difference beyond the problem and it's probing. There is a child. How can we reach him. How can we set him free. Radio house the University of Texas brings you that child beyond a series of recorded programs devoted to the exceptional child in our society. His areas of difficulty. His problems the avenues of adjustment open to him to help most seek a full and satisfying lives for our exceptional children. Authorities of national reputation will counsel with

us on these broadcasts together with parents of such children will guide us in our search for the best patterns of every day living with those of our youngsters who need special help. Why you may ask do we need such specialized guidance. And here is our series commentator Dr. William G Wolfe to explore the answer before we answer let's listen again to the theme which all these programs share the child is there for yond hurt and the handicapped beyond the defect and the difference. Beyond the problem and its probing there is a child beyond. Yes there is a child beyond there is a real invaluable personality who is first and foremost a child and only secondarily an exceptional child. But too often we forget that vital fact we let the problem obscure the person. We lose sight of the child himself in the chaos of our own reactions. For the advent of an exceptional child into a family

has a colossal impact upon that family it's easy to see why that should be. There is a saying that nobody buys a broken doll. Ask any little girl what kind of a doll she wants for Christmas. Ten to one you'll get this answer. I was a little teddy bear. And South now wonder why didn't tell me when. It opened and closed. And there were many elementary Perhaps but that want and its fundamental essentials is the universal wish for our children. We want them to be even more we expect that they will be beautiful whole and sound with eyes that see ears that hear fingers that reach and hold the limbs that walk and run and speech that will build a bridge between us. These are the attributes that down deep we anticipate when we welcome a new child into the family. Nobody buys a broken doll nobody asks

for a child with faulty vision impaired hearing defective speech uncertain gait. So there are degrees of birth or accident for which no mother is truly prepared against which no father has really effective armor. There are words whose wounds are staggering and inescapable. Your child is deaf. Your child is blind. Your child is crippled. Your dog is broken as epilepsy and cerebral palsy your god is broke your child is retarded your god has rheumatic people are not going to bark the most is here live your doc affecting speech. Oh you are going to have more can't talk at me you can't say my God and your god is. Your doll is broken your child is imperfect the flawless

child your vision pictured is found after all to have a flaw. Acceptance may come in the days ahead. Adjustment may follow in its good time but not before the words that work there are quick and desperate hurt for they spell shock and disbelief doubt and fear uncertainty and sorrow. And it is against their initial shattering impact that the members of a family respond in a very human fashion can be true. Why did this happen to me. What we do or need done should go ahead. Why was it our child our child. Spoken or felt these other words which rise unbidden to meet the blow. These are our natural and normal defenses against the first understanding ultimatum for nobody buys a broken doll much as we

want our children to stand out from the crowd. We want them even more to be like all the rest and the knowledge that our child is different. Undeniably an unmistakably set apart is the first impact against which no family is holy. So it's not. Do you hear me Cora. It's not Solara. Please don't like this. Don't go on like this and how pray should I go on. My son is cerebral palsy they tell me crippled in body and for all we know in my old law and me don't it's nothing I'm doing Kora that's what they said wasn't it. The doctors probing and pushing and flexing and typing with their little rubber hammers shaking their heads and pursing their lips. We regret doctor but I'm afraid we must inform you Dr Barton looking at me with pity and contempt is not. No they were very kind. And oh yes they were very kind. Kind to a man whose son if he's extremely lucky may walk. Who by some miracle they don't expect

may talk. That's my son there talking about Cora my son was all right our son. Does that make it any easier that we share this pitiful thing between us that we collaborated on bringing into the world a child if we can call it of course he's a child oh or child. Jonathan Edwards. He said baby Lawrence whatever he could do or can't do and it doesn't help to say these dreadful things it doesn't help. Nothing helps nothing that we can try we can do our best. We've got to force ourselves to look at this thing clearly dear we've got to think to plan Oh I wish I could match your admirable equanimity Kora I wish I could but you didn't have the plans for this boy that I had Cora you didn't have the dream. Yes yes I know you couldn't you haven't the imagination for it. He was to be a surgeon choro or a scientist a brilliant brilliant skillful man working marvels with his hands. I was so

many times I've watched him in my mind doing the things I wanted to do. I couldn't do it. I hadn't the knack somehow that you've got a wonderfully Lawrence a teacher or a Ph.D. a Ph.D. He. Do you see the irony Cora a Ph.D. whose son will do well to write his own name. The theater we mustn't let ourselves be ditter. We'll do what we can. Johnny there must be lots of things and we have the other children to live for don't forget Lawrence. It's not as if Johnny were the only one. You have a daughter and another son Larry. Larry is just a boy. Cora baseball football flying by his heels to the girls at Lawrence all that will blare is the Thorndyke through and through takes after the men in your family. Why long long muscles short on or a wonderful youngster Larry is Susan too. We are lucky to have that Laurence.

And speaking of your family Cora What about your family. What about not. I don't know what you mean. Well maybe we have your family to thank for this too. There's never been anything like it in my long runs. The doctors say this isn't like that it doesn't run in the family the doctors say the doctors say. Yes I know what they say. How well I know what they say but how do I know why they say it. Maybe they don't tell things like that. Maybe they're covering up for you. Harsh Lawerence harsh. You don't mean these things you're not thinking clearly. Maybe I'm not. Maybe not. But I'll tell you this I am thinking clearly enough to know that I'm not going to take the word of two doctors are 10 times two. This doesn't make sense Cora. It doesn't make sense to people like us would have a son who's the way they say Jonathan is. I'll find a doctor if it takes every cent I have I'll find a doctor who confirmed what I know in my bones to be true that these

two bit medicos don't know what they're talking about that this thing they tell me just is not so Cora. It is not so it is not solo. You're. Going to get. Us Are we tempted to meet the first impact of the exceptional child upon our own lives upon the blueprint we had drawn for his life with the quick words of denial of accusation of disappointment of self pity. Whether we speak them aloud is Dr. Barton did crush them unspoken within us whether we may someday cease to feel them or deny that we ever gave them house room for nobody buys a broken doll and the first realisation that a child is exceptional calls forth the strongest among our emotions. But this is not the only effect of the child's Advent upon the family life. As Dr. Wolff makes clear there is in addition a daily and continuous

impact which our exceptional children make upon the lives of those around them. A constant influence which the blind child of the heart of hearing child the retarded child of the child with defective speech or the cerebral palsy youngster exerts upon those whose lives his life touches those who live with him who love him who have in their hands his care and his upbringing must perforce share his problems his trials and errors and his limitations. They share to his joys and his triumphs. For there are compensations and each small success each hard won victory over an obstacle in shared service. Compassion and understanding. But these are awards which can be seen only by eyes prepared to see them. And we like the Bartons may let the pressures of daily living blind ourselves to their presence.

They must think I'm made of money. I tell you a quarter we're going to wind up in the poorhouse if we blow it Cora. Well what do you say dear. Well this kitchen it looks like a mare's nest Well I was just starting to get it cleaned up. Hotz past dirty dishes food all over the place. Cora can't you feed that boy with less mess. Oh it's untidy dear but if he's going to learn to eat by itself it's hard you know what he can't control the spoon or won't. I sometimes think he smears his food around just for the devil of it. But I don't suppose you've got my suit press no not yet dear I'm wearing it tonight you know. No I'll have it ready but Johnny's been fresh Johnny's been fretful so everything slides while you pamper that boy it's not that Lawrence but he's got those places you know where the braces Robin and his exercises and I've had to take him to the bathroom more than usual. New Medicine. I don't know it all take so much time so much time that there's none left for the

one little thing I asked you to do. How Get your supressed all along. No not if you're going to martyr yourself over it Cora. It's an old suit. Goodness knows when I'll ever have a new one. What with braces and tables and this isn't that's so I don't suppose it matters whether it's presto or not I'll do it now. What do you want to sandwich or some coffee while the RNC. No I'm not hungry. How did the conference go. Oh well enough I suppose. Parker made a good speech to get to talk to Parker alone on E. Yes but very briefly he seemed a little more I don't know not so cool distant somehow. Surely not you're just imagining. No no no I'm not. Plague take it Cora I am losing out over the aisle. Lauren all yes I am I can tell the Dean he used to be impressed with me talk to me about things valued my opinion but not anymore Cora.

No sir not anymore. He just well I think he feels sorry for me. They all know and that's sin and that thing tonight. That dinner at Bradford's we should have had them here but could I ask them with the living room looking like a gymnasium in the kitchen like a pig's sleigh and a stag do they Cora. Do they. What they understand in a thousand years that Dr. Bohannon an associate professor salary couldn't foot the food bill for a dinner like that that he so in hock to doctors and specialists and brace makers and table builders and heaven knows what all that he takes his lunch in a paper sack that he can't afford the books he needs in his teaching that he dreads going to a dinner party with his own colleagues because he knows what they'll be saying or thinking if they're not saying it. There's poor Barton they'll say the one in the seedy brown suit never see his wife. Poor thing she's tied hand and foot at home used to show a lot of

promise Barton dead. We all expected great things of Biden until he had that child. Oh yes they all say didn't you know he's the one with the child. My left foot so asleep mother. Right in your throat just a few more pins dear. Then you can take it off now turn round just a little bit tight trying on that I know specially. Oh dresses with a new dress. At least you can look forward to where. I have turned Susan that looks long right there at the sea. Mother Why can't I have a new dress for the party all you know why suit just one dress for all the parties. All the other girls have a new dress for every Wednesday gone over all this. I know Johnnie's Bryce's had to be adjusted and Johnny outgrew a shoes and Johnny had to have a new standing title but it seems to me for the end of

school parties mother there's a precious dress in Kyra's window. It's only at night. Father Mother don't you think maybe I'm sorry Sue we just don't have it dear. Maybe next year I mean next year I won't be invited to any parties I'll be so frumpy and downy looking. Besides when you never play I'm back all you're going to look lovely in this so they all never know it may go our way and we'll pay back your obligations dear just as soon as we get called up there now and through you take it all thank goodness now Mother can you listen to me do my line what I guess there are at least till Larry brings Johnny home. Well I've got to learn my lines. Dress rehearsals Wednesday night and an awful week in the second Dan. All right dear I'll listen for a while anyway and I'll go get my book. Mother did you get somebody you know to stay with Johnny. Well no not yet mom either. It's only four nights away but

plays on Thursday. If you don't hurry and get somebody you can't come. Well. I thought maybe I'd stay home and met Deadeye Howe whom you may not come of the play. Why not say me in the plaza with so hard to get somebody you know they don't know how to take care of job maybe you can show Ohio side to hate for us all to go off and just leavin with you don't mind my being in a play and no mother not caring enough to come see me ma. Wow that sounds like a marriage I thought he took Johnny to the did I can't imagine. Now you can't even listen to my dear just a minute that you said. Yeah where are you. Susan's room you're back already. Yeah weren't. Johnny is he hurt is hazing wrong. No use all Rod he's not in the wagon. You'll have to bring him in. Mother What about my lawn. Later dear I've got to get Johnny. I thought you were going to play in the park. You were supposed to stay a lot longer. Well we did rarely Larry I think you might have stayed Johnny needs a fresh air he gets out so seldom and well the next time son if I were you

I'm not going to take him any more go. Now wait a minute. Isn't that a little selfish of you. My overall big strong boy you can get a rock on a Johnny and me it isn't much of a trick is it to put me down there on the wagon and let him watch you no more you wail and I'm just not going to take you many more. You're being stubborn and extremely self-centered I'm disappointed in you. Here you are Johnny's big brother mom. I guess you don't understand how it is but there's a big boys down there I don't know who they are. They're new but they tease Johnny and they laugh at me. They call me nurse my this is out a ham on an April home as you can take a little teasing. Yeah but then the kids on the team. Yes they want to play over on the other side of the park over across the ravine I can't pull the wagon over there so when I said I couldn't play on this side where we've been playing. Yes Larry. They said if I had to have my brother in law. I said if I could leave

him at home and play where everybody wanted to play. Well I just said I could be on the team. I got to be on the team I just got and I'm not going to let Johnny beat me out of it. What thing. Well that's one side of the coin. The side where the exceptional child is in the family but not of it. Happily though the coin has another side and a brighter one to discuss the more reassuring aspects of family life with an exceptional child we have with us a parent Mrs. Natalie Barragan who teaches at the Texas school for the blind and who is herself the mother of a cerebral palsy the blind child and a Psychologist Dr. Ira Isco assistant professor of psychology at the University of Texas assistant director of the university psychological clinic and consultant to the Veterans Administration and also a

consultant for the Austin cerebral palsy center. May I welcome you both to the program as consultants and Mrs. BERGER I think we might start with you. I'd like to ask you as a parent and what was your general reaction to these scenes do you feel that the things that you have heard now actually are typical. Yes I'm afraid to say that they're far too typical. But I don't think it's necessary that they be always acting as a psychologist Dr. Isco but I'd like for you to to react to what you have just heard. Do you think these scenes are typical. Dr. Wolf the scenes are quite typical. All too tragically typical I'm afraid. We see here for instance a father who has had ambitions for the child. The child has not fulfilled them and the father then has sort of rejected the child and is sorry for himself and feels that the child is actually dragging him down professionally. We have a mother who is stifling many of her feelings

many of her sorrows as acting as a martyr and is neglecting her other children because of the amount of attention she feels she has to be sto upon this exceptional child not risk. Do you think this is these things are really normal I mean do all parents of exceptional children at one time or other experience things like this. I would say in most cases yes you have an exceptional child. You want to do things for him and you figure the other children are normal they're blessed with normalcy. I must help this exceptional child. I must devote more time to him. And in a sense you have sort of an over protection sometimes which can be dangerous and they can even be as bad as rejection. I think our listeners and certainly I I would like to ask what are we going to do about these things. Do they have to be your daughter's school. I wouldn't say they have to be. I say that they exist in many ways but how is going to help them.

Well how can you help them. One thing I think is important is to make known to parents certain Purcel of these which are available. The other thing to make known to parents is that it's no shame to have an exceptional child it can't happen to everybody. And people are not really as sorry for you as you think. You're more sorry for yourself in most cases. I think that's a good point. That's an excellent point. Now how about these services though. Let's go back there. What services would be recommended for let's say a family like the one we've just heard discussed. Well this child has cerebral palsy. We've made a lot of progress in the last few years and cerebral palsy. And certainly they should get in contact with the clinic. Clinic which can evaluate the child both on its intellectual potential on its physical potential and work out a plan for treating the child not only at the clinic but also at the home.

Whether you run a risk or don't you doctor. Of shopping around I've seen in my experience in this field many parents who just refuse to accept those of this doctor because it doesn't agree with their attitudes and their ideas. Well I'll let MS Berrigan sort of help me out on this if you would. All I want to say about shopping around is it's natural when you first hear a diagnosis that there is something the matter with the child and that there may have to be a lot of work done with the child or that the child's capacities may be limited for the rest of his life. There is a natural tendency to look for other sources which may give you a contrary opinion but pretty soon after you've seen one or two experts I think that you begin to realize or parents should begin to realize that the experts are right and it's there's a need to face the problem. What do you think MS Berrigan after the parents of first.

Recovered from the traumatic experience and gotten their feet on the ground and planned then they are ready to have good counseling and to get down and work with the person. I think they've been begin to feel more secure when they realize that they don't have to shop around anymore. They found some course of action by which they can follow and the child can progress. If you shop around. Not intentionally but you did go from from this clinic to that place Romana says that day the family was moved around a callous thing I did was seek out a clinic. Well I've known you for three years and I've lived during that period of time you shopped around. How come it hasn't been necessary to shop around anymore. Because we have found the place where our child seems to be progressing at the right a speed at which he can prevent a how do you know that now how do you know that she is she's

happy she's my. Continuous progress I feel secure in the knowledge that she's living a very whole and useful on or not doesn't matter now. I think Dr. Wolf that this is exemplified by the script that this boy in the script is not happy. He can't be happy with all these attitudes and resentments and that we sometimes have to realize that in severe cases sometimes the child would be happier in a type of custodial care with these resentments are not raised against him. In other words a plan has to be either for the child in the family or away from the family or in the family up to a certain time when other type of training is needed and the child cannot receive that training in the home. And of course in the case here of Karen Mr. Vargas child we're extremely fortunate of a child who can profit by training and stay at home and is

making fine progress Musburger I've had the pleasure of seeing your child will carry on. And I mean this sincerely I don't think I've ever seen a more cool normal sour my life yet. She's cerebral palsy. Also she's blind. How did you do this. Well I can tell you some of the one or two things which happened to me. I had wonderful advisors and I had a statement my DM made within the first few hours after I was told that match I was first of all blind. This statement was. Who knows but what God thought you could give her better care and understanding than someone else. Right then I stopped feeling sorry for myself and what she was going to miss and alive and made a resolution that she wouldn't miss anything and not because she couldn't say where I was in other words a nightmare I ask you this question have you treated her as a normal child so to speak. Yes or and I refuse to limit

now to activities my own interests. And I'll mind if I could just say this last word to parents. Try to think of your child and what is best for the child and not what you are how hurt you feel. That's excellent. See that's fine and I risk Oh yes I well I don't think you can find a better note to close on us that's the most realistic thing and I think in many ways we bring the most happiness for all in the long run. We have been wonderful and may I call your attention the fact that we have some 13 of these programs in the series one of them by the way is devoted to this thing of shopping around. I hope you will listen and then again may I thank you for helping us out. And although it is true that nobody buys a broken doll I think you have helped us see that it is possible to mend a broken doll. Thank you very much. Nobody buys a broken doll was brought to you by radio House the University of Texas has the second of a special series of programs titled child

beyond these recorded broadcasts devoted to the exceptional children in our society. Their problems their areas of difficulty and the avenues open to them. Counseling with us on this program of Mrs. Dr. Ira series commentator Dr. William G Wolfe director of the Austin center a member of the National Education Advisory Board United Cerebral Palsy Association and President Council on Teacher Education International Council for Exceptional Children. Nobody buys a broken doll but prepared for broadcast by Jackie Summerfield from a script by the darling twins with special music by Eleanor played. Taylor Atkins was project coordinator or announcer Bill Kaplan. The child beyond was produced by Radio host of the University of Texas under a grant from the Educational Television Radio Center. This program is distributed by the National Association of educational broadcasting. This is the end E.B. taked network.