How's the family; School behind the home

Yeah. I don't know why you want to drag me here Debbie. After all that you don't like you think Charlie. Come on now smile before we go and your school behind the home. It's times like that you're not the fact that when you have to go to a business convention. Oh we might be named. There are quite a few in here already. Man he can bargain is that you owe me. Fancy meeting you at the PTA Johnny. Ah yes I have it. Well my family. I am produced and transcribed in cooperation with the State University of Iowa the National Association of educational broadcasters who WSU my presents. How's the family. How's the family. How's the family.

You know scenes like this one with Charlie was rather common not so many years ago. Getting father to go to the parent teachers meeting was something rather difficult. It was more difficult than cranking up the family car. But you know times have changed. Now there are just as many fathers attending functions as mothers. Incidentally there's a lot more of both attending now. Also we're inclined to take school more seriously these days so school is no longer a thing apart. Today it stands pretty squarely behind the home and because parents and teachers of assume this closer relationship sometimes even like neighbors problems misunderstandings arise. Take for example a misunderstanding which exists between the teacher at our school and the parents of one of the pupils. Young man involved was sort of trying.

Have you finished yet Alan I don't know what to write Mrs Rogers You should this is the third time in two weeks I've kept you after school and always it's been over the same thing. Don't you know why you like to bully your classmates and I don't know I don't know. Oh I am sorry. That's all right come in Paul. Did you forget something. I was wondering if Alan had got home yet. I came to meet him. You didn't see my mother did you. You didn't go to my house. Why Alan. Oh nothing. I would just wonder. Alan will be here a little longer Paul. Why don't you go home and wait for him. Nobody's home. At my house I wait for him on the front steps of this all right we're inside the hall for me Paul. OK May I go now Mrs. Rogers Have you finished writing. No well I don't know what to write.

Can't you tell me why you pulled the girl's hair why you push them down like to help you Alan. But I can't unless you help me. Why don't you just make me do something like or punish me. I don't want to go out to play a recess anymore. Would you like that. No you would only become more upset wouldn't you. Oh I don't know. It was quite thoughtful of you to suggest that punishment Alan. But I don't like it any more than you do. I'd rather we find out why you pick on your classmates. Oh I don't pick on Paul. Do you know why you don't share her. He's my friend. He's your neighbor too is Indy and you grew up with Paul. Do you know why Paul seems to get along with people. Ah he's sort of a sissy. He's real shy. Fraid of his own shadow. I don't want to be like him. I want you to be just yourself to Alan but I don't think you are. I don't think you enjoy abusing your classmates at all. I don't think I do either. But oh I don't know Ike. Just girl I just feel like doing some what I do in some different ideas.

I don't know why. What do you mean different Alan. I don't know exactly how do you behave at home. Fine. Oh once in a while I have to do something I don't want to otherwise fine. Well we'll talk about this again soon Alan. Why don't you just tell me what you do like my dad does Mrs. run we'll see Alan. May I go now. Yes. Oh and Alan Be sure and give your mother that PTA mom notice won't you. Yes all right. I will miss you Rogers. Fine then I'll see you tomorrow morning. I don't know our IT we should get caught our we will get caught Paul. But why should Mrs. Rogers said. Kept the whole class after school. Well see. Well because everybody's raising Cain when she when she went out of the room. I think you would be better if you told your mother the truth. She'd only tell there then I'd really catch it I wouldn't be able to go outside for a week. Come on do it Paul. Tell your mother that

Mrs. Rogers kept the whole class today. What do you tell your mother the other kind you had to stay after. Once I told her that I stayed here Mrs. Rogers The other time I told her I want a library. Why don't you tell you went to the library again. I can't go you see. I missed a violin lesson to day. Mama we played email you should tell Mrs. Rogers much a lesson I wouldn't have kept you after she knew I was I'd rather stay after school. I hate those violin lessons. Well you do it Paul. Now do or I guess your pal boy you're a real pal. Thinks. What if you don't believe me Mom asked Paul. This is right you get the whole class after school. And of course I believe you Alan. But if you told Mrs Rogers about a violin lesson I'm sure she would have let you go home.

Well I didn't tell her mom you told her yes and she said that staying after school was more important. Didn't you tell her that your parents pay good money for your violin lessons. Sure but she doesn't care she doesn't see about that. What are you going to do mother. I don't know. But Mrs. Rogers is going to learn that there are certain limits to her authority. We pay a lot of money for your lessons whether you're here to take them or not. Mrs. Rogers could very easily have kept you after school some night when you don't have violin lessons. I think so too mom. What are you going to do first of all I'm going to see your father and see what he says. If necessary I'm going to see the principal of your school. All right. I wonder Dad why did my get in trouble. She's nice. Really I wonder Never you mind Alan. I've got a few other bones to pick with Mrs Rogers and this is the last straw. But she's nice mom. Last week you told me she thought it was alright for children to have an allowance. Well she did mom. When you need anything your father and I will get it for you. I know Mom this is Rogers's going to find out that your parents at least expect you to spend more of her time teaching you how to read and write and less time I have

kids have allowances mom that's right. But Mrs. Rodgers is not the one to tell you that you should have one but she didn't. And when you get an allowance your father and I will decide not you and certainly not Mrs. Rogers or just forget about mom. I should say not. We told your Sunday school teacher that you would play your violin at his Christmas party and you're going to do it. You're not going to miss any more lessons at least not because you have to stay after school. The whole class. That's all the more reason for letting you come home for their lesson How does Mrs. Rogers know you were misbehaving I don't think you should be punished unless you've done something and then I think it should be up to your father and me to discipline you. After all we know better than Mrs Rogers how to punish you. Who is going to punish you. Hi daddy. I didn't hear you come in Harry. I parked out in front and I thought you knew better than to throw papers in the papers. Yes this was sticking in the bushes. We don't want to a yard full of refuse. How do you know it's mine when I was around here with notices. Would you like to look at it. You bet I would. Why so gravity.

Thank you and I'll tell you I must have lost it. You must have blown out of my pocket. I was going to give it to you just dandy. I couldn't have wished for anything better. You certainly are on the stage tonight. What are you talking about me going to the PTA tonight Harry. All right so what am I to do cartwheels. Alan missed his violin lessons afternoon because we had to stay after school. He walked this ride just kept the whole class. He gave everybody what for. That's not important here are the important thing is she wouldn't excuse Alan for his violin lesson. What did he do. He didn't do anything Harry that's just the point. She kept the whole class and wouldn't even let Alan come home for his lesson. There must have been some reason we can talk about that later Harry. Right now I want to know if you're going to throw money away because Mrs. Rogers so stubborn she won't let Alan come home. Well now this is Roger's must have had some reason. Tell your father what you told me Alan. Well this is right. The whole class after school go on and finish it because well she kept them because of all the noise they made when she walked out the room. Did you make any noise. Well no I mean and still he had

to tell your father the rest Alan. Well I I told Mrs. Rogers that I had a violin lesson and she said that staying after school was more important how do you like that Harry. Sounds pretty strange to me. Doesn't surprise me one bit. Mrs. Rogers has been exceeding her authority quite a bit lately. I just want to be sure. Well I'm sure and we'll get it straightened out tonight. What are you going to do mother. I'm going to see if Paul's mother will look after you tonight while we go to that meeting. But she's not home Paul said that she's home I saw her go in just a little while ago. But maybe she's going to meet you know her self. I doubt it. I think this is her bridge club my son he. Hello peg this is ours. How was the auxiliary meeting this afternoon. That's fine. The reason I called Peg I know tonight is your bridge night. But do you suppose you could look after Alan for an hour or so. You'll be having that your place won't you. Well if I could drop off in about seven that's fine peg.

No I'm just going to write. I've got a few things to settle with Mrs. Rogers you know nothing to tell. Just this test that seems strange Alice. I heard that Mrs. Rogers is a very reasonable person. Yes I will be sure to tell me how she explains it. Your whole movie the least bother you and Paul get along very well. All right Alice good bye. What was wrong mother was that about I am Mrs Fuller's going to PTA meeting tonight. She sending Alan over here for an hour or so after dinner. Is that off prize or something else. ARE YOU GOING TO ME YOUR MOTHER. Oh I'd like to but tonight is my bridge club meeting. Well I'd better get busy. Did Mrs. Bowse anything else. Nothing if it interests you dear. Now where did I put those things you say anything about school only that. Why yes she said that Mrs. Rogers kept the whole class after school. Why was that paw I own noise Ackley. You didn't do anything bad did you. Let's see. It's so late I think I'll just fix some sandwiches for supper. Oh that's good dear I don't want you to get into any trouble

you've been doing so well in school and wondered what I should serve tonight I should have some oh please Paul see if you can busy yourself with something as I have so much to do. You told your mother to lie I told her the whole class today after school and that Mrs. Rogers knew I was supposed to have a violin lesson. I knew you should never done it Alan. Now we'll both get into trouble. What do you mean both. You're not in a trouble not so our mother will hear you. She's too busy playing cards. That's all your mother does is play cards and run party. Who says my mother. You're scare I am not. You're trying to act tough like us school but you're scared already as a boy your dad will do if he finds out you lied. I don't know but you won't be able to play outside for a mark of my arm could you really tell your mother that

Miss Rodgers kept the whole class Paul. Not exactly she German That's a German I said and then she wanna know about it. I guess we came here it was true. What are you thinking Alan. I'm just wondering what I should do their model going to be awful mad. I wonder if they found out yet. It looks like there's quite a crowd tonight. I hope we can see Mrs Rogers right away. I just remembered let me do the talking Alice you have a way of antagonizing people. Well I don't care. I intend to antagonize let's not jump down her throat until she had a chance to tell us her sorry. Allen wouldn't lie. He's not that kind he's a good boy at home. I don't see why someone might hear you. What's going on.

Do you see her. Not yet although yes there she is she just came out of that room. Well come on let's get it over with. We can't now Mrs. Martens with her at least we can go over closer. Come on. Maybe we can talk to her next. I certainly want to thank you for that delicious cake Mrs. Martin my family enjoyed it so much for dinner. Well to be quite honest Mrs. Rogers. Joan was the one who wanted you to have it. That was very thoughtful lover. You say she's getting along alright in school except she needs a lot of push and encouragement otherwise Joan is doing very well. Yes well I'm happy to hear that. Well I know it's silly I mean is Raj but the real reason I came tonight. You see I'm I'm afraid I'm a little jealous of you. Jealous of me Mrs. Martin. Maybe envious is the word I want. I don't understand. I'm afraid that I don't either very well. But it seems that Joan enjoys doing things so much more for you than she does for me. I sometimes. Well today for instance she was so eager for you to have that piece of cake. She never behaved like that to me though.

Well I know we're not doing anything deliberately to steal or from those are strong words Mrs. Martin. You know that really Ms Rogers Joan treats you more like her mother than me. She seldom asked for my advice and she's always talking about you. What do you think of what you said. I don't show any favoritism towards Joan. I can understand it then why should you think so much of you and so little of me. Comparisons are sometimes very confusing Mrs. Martin. I hardly think Joan looks upon us as rivals for her affection. I know but she comes home and tells me that you said this and you said that. Why don't I think down and talk to her like you do and perhaps Joan merely wants you to act a little differently toward your book why should I. We get along fine except for those times when we argue. I mean I don't really mean Mrs. Martin I understand. I can't see how Joan can expect me to treat her like you do. Do you know how I treat the children. She's told me. I'm afraid that I can't match you Ms Rogers. I'm not very educated you see and I can't express myself so good. I just can't bring

myself to be very lovey dovey either. Jones beyond the kissing stage now I see. She always talks about the way you put your arm around her. That's very interesting Mrs. Martin because I think I've only put my arm around Joan once when she had an accident. You mean she's telling a fib I wonder why she'd feel about that. And she's always doing it. It may be she'd like you to follow my example but I can't. I mean it's not my nature to. Well you know I was brought up in a very stern home as riders. We were encouraged to do that kind of thing. I don't think I ever saw my parents even harder each other. It just occurred to me Mrs. Martin that perhaps one of the reasons Joan require so much encouragement at school is that she doesn't get enough from you. Well but I try to but not in the way Joan would most like you to try perhaps. It's difficult for a child of John's age to think in terms of stern homes. We can do it now. But could you do it when you were in the fourth grade Mrs. Martin.

I wonder didn't you perhaps feel in those days pretty much the way Joan feels. Perhaps you admired someone to someone who was inclined to be quite genuine in his or her affection for you. It's been so long as Roger's. I hope you don't mind my talking to you like this. No not at all. It's going to help Joan. But right now I'm not thinking of Joan Mrs. Martin. I'm thinking of you. I'm thinking how I'd feel if I was in your position. I know if I thought my child were what was it you said we're treating someone else more like their mother than me I'd be a very unhappy woman. What can I do Ms Rogers right offhand I'd say just stop thinking of me as a rival. If I really thought that I suppose I don't think I'd have come here to see you. I'm glad you did come Mrs. Martin. I'm very fond of Joan. Perhaps together we can learn to understand her better and maybe even understand ourselves better too. I certainly hope so Ms Rogers and I want you to know that I appreciate your interest.

When you get done talking Harry I think she knows why we're here and is deliberately Mrs. Martin is leaving now. Come on and come down will you Alice. Hello Mrs. Rogers Do you remember us. Why yes of course you're Alan Fuller's parents. I am so glad to see you. Are you really. We thought we'd drop in and see what you have to report Alan. I was hoping you would. Let's step in here. This is Roger's nasty human it. I'll be just a minute Mr. Fuller Why don't you and Mrs. Fuller go riding and thank you. I hope I'm not intruding. Not at all Mr. Phelps. I just wanted to check to see how Robert is coming along with his arithmetic the improvement is really remarkable. I trust you don't do all these homework Mr. Bell. No not a bit. We his mother and I just sort of review the principals with him. It's paid off then I should say. Well I won't keep you. Do you have any other suggestions.

I can't think of any. Robert is doing quite well. Well we'll just keep in close touch. Then good bye Mrs. Rogers and thank you thank you Mr. Phelps. Good bye. I don't intend to start complaining to her until. Oh I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Oh that's quite all right Mrs. Rogers I was just telling my wife I think we should talk about Allan Harry. Yes. You were saying Mrs. Rogers and you were glad we came tonight. Does that mean there is something wrong. I'm sure it's nothing that we can get on with it. We've got a few complaints too. Oh I have nothing to complain about Mrs. Fuller. We're here to find out why you kept Alan after school today. You don't have to be so direct Alice. I just want to know why you thought keeping Ellen like today was more important than his violin lesson. I'm afraid I don't understand Mrs. Fuller. Allen said Let me explain Alice. Ellen came home the day Mrs. Rogers and told his mother that you kept the whole class after school. He also said that he told you he had a violin lesson this afternoon.

One that we have to pay for whether Allan is there to take it or not. He said you wouldn't release him to attend it. We're not wealthy people excuse me Mrs. Fuller but I think we're not finished yet Mrs. Rogers. As long as we're about it. One thing at a time Alice. I'm still a little confused. You mean because Alan stayed after school to day you missed his violin lesson. Yes didn't you know. I'm afraid I didn't. Allan didn't tell you. I'm sure it merely slipped his mind. He lied to us. I thought it sounded queer when it the part about keeping the whole class after school how about that. He lied about that too. By George I can't believe it. I had a feeling well where side of bothered you Mrs. Rogers. I just can't believe it. Alan's never lied do you know how do you know. Maybe he's done it a dozen times a day. Are you sure Mrs. Rogers I'm quite sure. But I wonder. Thank you very much Mrs. Rogers you've been very kind. Come on Alice we shouldn't. You're not leaving are you. We know what to do now Mrs. Rogers and you can rest assured that Alan would behave himself only by the way. Why did you keep him after school. What did he do.

Sit down please. You too Mrs. Fuller. We're not going to get anything accomplished if we become angry. My son knows what I expect from him. Knows what his mother expects from him too. You know as our standards and there's nothing to do now but to make sure he never forgets them again. Do what she says Harry. There's nothing to talk about of Scott and dry not at all Mr. Fuller. From what you told me and from talks I've had with Alan whether you know it or not Alan is obviously two almost completely different people. At home he behaves one way here at school he behaves almost the opposite. How do you know that Mrs. Rogers by your attitude and Alan's behavior. From what I gather you've never thought of Allan as anything but a perfect boy here that's anything but true. Oh is he really that bad. What else has he done. You're jumping to conclusions Mr. Fuller. You see I don't expect Allan to be perfect. Let's see if we can't look at this objectively for a moment. Yes now you calm down Harry. All right all right let's. Let's start at the beginning Mrs. Rogers.

Tell us about the Alan you know. I think my husband I see what you mean Mrs. Rogers but how do you explain the big differences in Alan's behavior. Mr. Fuller you mentioned before certain expectations and standards you've set for Alan. Yes I do. That is we thought Alan should have certain principles to guide him. But Alan isn't living up to your expectations here at school. I think it's because we're too strict with him at home. Please Alice don't go completely overboard here he's promoted considerable freedom and he just doesn't know what to do with it. For example list afternoon Allen said something rather significant. He said that when he comes to school he feels like acting different. He doesn't know why. What do you suppose he meant by that. Probably he merely meant he wanted to cut loose and be more like himself. Well of lying and picking on his classmates as being more like himself I'd rather say that is not what Mrs Rogers meant Harry.

You can see Mrs. Rogers it's not going to be easy for us to change. I think our trouble is trying to make Allen into a carbon copy of the boy next door Alice. I'll say one thing Paul is certainly well behaved. You know Paul Carson he's in your class too Mrs. Rogers. Oh yes by the way his parents came to the meeting tonight didn't they. Oh no Mrs. Rogers tonight Mrs. Carson has a bridge club that's too bad. I'd like to have seen them. I imagine you could telephone them if yes perhaps I will. You know I I just thought of something. Alan's probably worried to death about what we'll do to him. I think we'd better go home Alice. What do you think we should do Mrs. Rogers. We must punish him. Perhaps yes perhaps if you ask Alan himself to suggest a punishment. He's pretty good at it you know. Do you really think we should. Sounds a little strange but maybe it's worth a try. You might. Well he might teach himself a lesson. I don't know how we can never thank you Mrs. Rogers. We better not try we'll be here all night Alice.

Believe me Mr. and Mrs. Fuller it's Thanks enough to know that you think I'm trying to be a good teacher. I'm sorry to disturb you Mrs. Carson. I had hoped to see you and your husband personally tonight at the PTA meeting. Scuse me I didn't know you were on telly. No it's nothing serious Mrs. Carson Paul is a very bright young man but I often catch him daydreaming. Please don't apologize. Really he hasn't done anything. I merely feel he's capable of doing better at his studies and I'd like. I'm sure you have meant to neglecting Mrs. Carson. He gets along. I know he gets along quite well with his classmates. However he is somewhat shy and withdrawn. Could I see you tomorrow at 3:30 Yes that would be

fine in my office. Mrs Fuller. Yes I'd be happy to talk to her. Hello Mrs. Fuller. I imagine Alan was worried. Did you. I think everything worked out quite well. His punishment. Oh yes. What did he decide on. I don't know about that Mrs. Fuller. I imagine to Alan practicing his violin even that much extra seems quite harsh punishment. Not at all. This is goodbye. You had a busy day Mrs. Right. You look worn out. I guess I am rather tired were you. But all in all it's been a very good day. But what are you doing here tonight at school. Janitors have their duties too you know Mrs. Rogers or your husband is waiting for you in the car. Thank you William. Well good night good night Mr. Wright.

Here now to comment on today's program is Frankie Coburn professor of psychiatry at the State University of Iowa. There is no basic antagonism between the home and school but at times antagonisms do arise almost always because of misunderstandings or misunderstandings on the part of the parent of what the school is trying to do. Misunderstandings on the part of the School of the parents problems these difficulties are apt to arise because the reports about what happens at school reached the home through a filter a filter which often distorts what really happens at school. This filter is of course the child and he sometimes misreports family attitudes to the teacher to the moral of this is fairly clear. The teacher in the parents should get together and iron out these differences. The attitude to one another should be one of mutual respect and

cooperation to help the child not one of hostility and recrimination such as we saw in this program. Sometimes parents talk to the teacher with a chip on their shoulders. They feel they must be loyal to their child and reject criticism of him. In part they are defensive of themselves. The child's disturbance they feel reflects on their ability as parents. The teacher is not trying to find fault with the parents but is trying to help the child. Then do children often behave quite differently away from home. This is especially true in the case of Allen who was held down. Or perhaps you might say was held up to high standards at home away from home he behaves like the child he like to be at home but he overdoes it he takes it out on others because he has had to take too much at home or our child may come home with an exaggerated sense that everything the teacher says is gospel and the parents are dummies. Some of this is a natural reaction and some may be the child acceptance of the teacher who seems to be more loving than the parents. It's

easy for parents to react to this with jealousy and then attempt to undermine the teacher's position. Understanding of the rise of child reaction and of the teacher's problem will make for a happier and more successful child both at school and at home. How's the family is produced by W. S. uy for the National Association of educational broadcasters under a grant from the educational Radio and Television Center production is supervised by Lee ites a consultant for the series are members of the faculty of the State University of Iowa. Dr. Amador joy is in charge of research scripts are written by Fred cedar home James P. Where is direct. This is the n AB network.