Minds of men; But only time for grief

And I'll transcribe the minds of men. Situation 10. But only time for great. Oh God the Lord of life the conqueror of death. Our help and every time of trouble. Just not willing to grieve are like the children of man. Comforted us who mourn and give us grace in the presence of the dead to do worship. Grief is an N escapable part of human experience. As our lives are enmeshed in living so they are altered in leave taking. Far more often than not sorrow pain and a deep sense of loss so the attendants of our changed days and ways the caring

person the sharing person the person who lives and loves abundantly can scarcely fail to know grief. Grief true and deep as a natural reaction to the death of one whose life is significantly crossed with you for a time and the touch and the compassionate hand clasp the word of comfort. The letter of condolence may flatter any but to allay against the high dark wall of sorrow and there may be indeed no blessing for love or hope but only time. But there is other living ahead the caring and the sharing awaiting to be claimed in company with other lives. Sweet is a grief well and the poet tells us and grief is well and good only if we can

emerge from our time of mourning with courage to damn more of life's adventure with a belief in life's further abundance. With time now spared for love and time for hope. Radio-TV the University of Texas presents the minds of men a series of explorations into effective living. Written by the Durham swims and directed by R. C. Norris. These programs are prepared with the assistance and counsel of the Hogg foundation for Mental Hygiene. And produced under a special grant from the Educational Television and Radio Center in cooperation with the National Association of educational broadcasters. Their aim. A keener understanding of the forces universally a work in the minds of men. Right up the bathroom and bedrooms miss our small world with fresh towels out

in the bins already for lay down. If anybody wants to take. Well thank you Bert I expect Miss Eleanor and I are Jody Oh I hope Jody will you make Uralic small at your family. I was telling Lou last night on the way back from Austin that child's strong talent as a banjo why and no wonder. It's a dreadful thing for a little girl that age losing her mother especially this way with nobody expected it you might say. Her mistress is so close to the clay of the LEF and they too could do a job together more like sisters than Mammon baby. That's what the judge say. Back when Mr. Tracey went to work in Austin and Jodi she stayed here in Jones borough with her grandma and grandpa. When Friday and Jodi began counting my horse to let mama get off at Austin Bush the old judge he'd say. They He's gettin ready to be some laughin around here sure as you're born.

I don't guess there's going to be much laughing around here anymore. I know my own myspace. It don't look like. Junk like somebody had yanked the whole world right out from under her feet. Po child poor little child and her grandmother just sit there like a graven image. That's what you said Elnora reminded him of last night in Austin. See in her just sitting there in the apartment after we'd all got back from the mortuary. Just sitting there not crying not talking not even hearing anybody when they spoke a graven image it just makes us sick. All these years I've lived across the street and it's the first time I ever saw Miss Elnora not stand up to something you write about but. Miss Eleanor She always the one everybody come to one time drug it's just all been too much first losing judge then moving right off to Austin tearing up groups of a lifetime. And now Tracy taken her

husband and daughter one right after the other it's just too much. That's what I was saying to you Alice small but what's it going to do to Eleanor and Joey coming back year to Jonesboro to this house. What are they left it right after the buried the judge and they'll be seeing it again straight from the funeral won't be a speck. No it won't. But it's home and that'll help some. If it wasn't for the flowers I declare I don't know what gets in the flowers. You scatter around for a party and they smell wonderful. But just let it be a death and they all gang up together and put out that floral offering smell. I kind of wish we'd had them all sent to the cemetery. When they do take the clothes dump out you couldn't leave the house no clean and Misael no IMI had this one. When she shut it by hand but is just musty and is now getting around it and we've been airing ever since yesterday afternoon when we first heard they ought to be getting back here pretty soon.

Driving straight to the cemetery like they were. All the procession was do from Austin at 4 and Rev. Hooker said 45 minutes for the service now. What time is it Bertha. And see when I get to the kitchen Misael is small. I got a little more doing up in there but I'll check to see that everything's labeled with the senders name burger after Big Mama died people were showing up for six weeks saying where's my pie Rex baking dish and where's my covered salad bowl mean ladies we got that I'll take care of this money. I just got the drinkers to sit out in the dining room now. And then as I make it we all you know back. I dread Sian Elnora. Just pure or do I don't know how to handle people that don't give me and where you can take care of Dora then that niece of yours will do plenty of giving in my how come they're not driving back to Dallas her and Brad till sometime tomorrow afternoon. And by the time we left often last night she'd had hysterics three times twice at the mortuary and once back at the

apartment. Oh for goodness sake Now why would Dora have hysterics. She and Tracy never were very close. Not even as close as most sisters. In fact back just between you and me I always had a hunch Dora was jealous of Tracy. Maybe it's like Lou said. He said there's lots of tears shed not because folks want the dead back but because they can't make themselves want well I guess that could be but what's that door is always kind of played second fiddle to Tracy. I know that Alice Maude as well as I do not because Traci wanted it that way but just because folks took tour and they didn't so much to do. Well that's all over now. For once in her life Doris got a chance to be the center of attention and it's my idea she's going to be watched. Oh.

My goodness sakes Jody who is that you just sit where you gonna have to scramble. Are you a birch got some destined to do. Listen he's got some cookies in the oven. And when I was hanging out the clothes online after seeing Sue Ellen over in her backyard looking like she might be fresh out of something to do don't you run over in and get her and come back to the kitchen for some cookies and milk. Do you think it would be all right. Sure it would honey. You'd be just fine. But Manal might not. She might think she not gone think anything honey. You just run along now and get Sue Ellen. And if she can't come get juicy or mere finances it's time you would get a man out and see and some you little prions. I haven't much wanted to see any body burden course you have I'm sure.

It's like walking again after you've been a long time and be good. You gotta do it Greg job or grad job but you gotta get started honey. Elsewise you live would come to you and find out you can't walk tall. I wish. I wish somebody would tell my grandmother that we try to money we'll do track. She had no lady and it's gone today. But it this doesn't feel like home anymore bird except for you and she doesn't seem like mammal. It's like I don't even know or she wasn't an old lady before she's feeling they use honey so I do that to folks. I miss my mother bird. I miss Tracy. I try not to. But I can't help it I can hope they own me cry. Go or hey good cry I want to.

Turn your dream even inside. Out. That so who would I say Oh get over it. How do you get over it. But how do you know when a member will. How she want Hanny. This is something we can do in time came due. But what do I do Berta. How do I if I go on feeling like this. You learn how to live with it. Jody baby that's what you do and that's what you want to do because grievances all tied up with love and if you get over green green over then you can you know for loving too and you don't know that I know. No bird I don't and that's where your own sweet mom is going to help you honey. She gave you a lot of love in Larry I've been in love and I never know nobody could make as much joy as Miss Tracy.

She could couldn't she Bertus sure she could. And between you you made a lot more that don't stop Ernie and it wasn't meant to stop that love in and that jar for livin. You got him and you got a pass on loan to other folks. I don't know where they are bird. I don't feel that way anymore. You will honey. There's a. Time was sorrow when and if he in the love and in the living they just wait for you against their time. Are you sure broad shearers I am a sit in here. Sue Ellens went in the cookies is done in Venice film. Oh I love you. You see that some of that love and shown it face already. Now you school me in baby eyes. And then you go get too willing. In

between you and and me and them cookies we're going to make a little teensy start on that joyful living thing if we don't. Let me just broccoli Jody who me. Abby Claire Miss Eleanor I never see you could polish up a plate of broccoli like this one. Try it Miss Eleanor. I never see it. Could polish off a plate of broccoli like this one. I guess our carried any more burden. It was a wonderful dinner though and here your grandmother has hardly touched it. Can't even tell anybody has been sitting in this plight. Sorry bird R.K. I just can't imagine you can eat just a little teensy bit Misael know it would be strengthening for you some of

that nice green broccoli with you favorite Lemon book sauce. Remember the broccoli that lived in the apartment downstairs in Allston mammal pl.. Jody I know but Tracey said that's why I liked him so much because I thought their name was broccoli. She used to laugh and say you might take the plates now. Yes ma'am. Let me have you played honey you can trade email me a surprise a surprise Berta. What. Is it. Our. Floating Island. Oh Rhoda. You remembered dinner on the sun porch and floating island for dessert and Tracey saying it was just like eating the sunset with a spoon Berta. How could you. But most of all it's like we used to do before we moved to Austin. Remember one thing. Trying this thing for the hot Misael no forget me and my poor little girl will never see another sunset. How can we do this how can we sit here on this porch and imagine there can ever be any pleasure

in the things that get all misty on nor that Snow White. Miss Tracy didn't take the sunset with us. She wouldn't if she could. She left us pleasure in these things pleasures we likely never would have thought of by say us like sunset float on that pure Miss Tracy. Her and nobody and that's enough. But her life going on Misael know you got some steel in your can and is rule lots of it life for Jodi. The sun's gonna rise in the sun's gonna say it. Don't you know Mr. Tracy would be the law a step ahead of you turn your backs on it. Car she's gone. I said That will do. Yes mine I'm through. But I had to say it Miss Eleanor I just had to. Now go and get your dessert for me please. Just for Jody. I don't I don't think I want any either bird. All right honey.

I'll put you as up for later. Mammal. Yes Jody mammo did you realize school starts in another week does it. I hadn't thought it would be kind of exciting being in the sixth grade. I used to think I never would get to the sixth grade mammal. Is a mammal. I'll bet you don't realize how much taller I am than I was last September. Are you. Yes I really am. Today over Mary Frances she was trying on her new school clothes and her mother said How much taller she was and how she'd outgrown everything. And then she said Margaret I was lot stronger too wasn't I. And we made sure. And I've grown an inch and a half since last fall. An inch and a half. Can you imagine mammal. Sue Ellen and Josie. They've had to get new things too. I guess girls just grow a lot at

my age. I was trying on some of my things today. Things I heard when I started in the fifth grade. You just don't want to see him sleeves up to here and the waistlines mammal. What am I going to get him on. You know what. What are you talking about. My screw close my ammo. I've outgrown all my old ones and I haven't got any new ones. What am I going to get someone who is one of these days we'll see about it. But school starts next Thursday. Oh I don't know Jody Why don't you just go down there while I'm in and Merkel's tomorrow I'll get whatever it is you need all by myself. But I wouldn't know what to get. Why couldn't you go with me. Miss Lally will help you. But then it wouldn't be in a cage and Tracy and I. We always made an occasion. If you go with me ma'am all we could pick up Mark's clothes talk them over together and decide what was best and then when we decided we could celebrate by going to Tony's for a soda

that would be fun ma'am although Jody I'm sorry but it would be fun mammal you see. Please please ma'am. You don't. Mean any more with no trace. No no not. Her. Oh it's so dark I couldn't tell whether you were still out here or not Jodi asleep. No she's quiet here though but as with her burka she should have left long ago. Luhan back around her when she's ready. She wanted to stay and I'm glad she did. We'd never have got down without her I

never saw her child so one strong poor little thing. She misses her mother. She misses you. So don't say that Nora. Don't shut her out so much like Tracey. She's so much like Tracy Alice when Tracy was a little girl. Do you remember. Yes yes I do Elnora. I can't go back to those years again Alice Maud. You mustn't ask me to I'm not asking you to I'm asking you to live these years these right here and now and the ones coming up for Jodi. That child's been raised Nora Tracey and you and the judge saw that love and laughing and teasing and being close together those things are needful to are now needful as breathing. And you're the one that's got to see that she gets up. Those are things that the heart how small and. They bury my heart when they buried my daughter. Fiddlesticks Eleanor you don't know. You don't know. There's nothing in me but I know

this. I know when we lost BIG MAMA. All five of us girls took along something awful. But I'll say one thing it came to an end. We finally shut up picked up and and went on. It's better than this way. Oh a lot better in my opinion. You know something when I was in grade school we read once about some kind of tribe somewhere and when a man died the grieving widow threw itself into the grave and got buried right along with him. I have never forgot that because I thought then and I think now it's the hop headed this way of doing things I ever heard of. It's downright wasteful to start off with and it didn't take into any account the ones that are left now those people were savage heathens they didn't know any better. But you do Eleanor all Thorne. You're our kind of woman and a sensible woman and you've got more gumption than you're putting up right now. I get hold of yourself Elnora and take a long look at what you're doing to Jodi what you're doing Eleanor. It's

bad enough for that child to have to lose her mother but she did. And that couldn't be helped. Now I'm asking you Elnora as to news straight out does she have to lose her grandmother too. I know to discuss grief here are Dr. Harry a more professor of sociology at the University of Texas and Dr. Blake Smith pastor of the University Baptist Church Austin Texas. It seems to me that that was not a few good job last night also made the job of acting

particularly and delineating certain aspects of the problem. I thought so because grief is something that is so very very personal. She just can't put it into one pattern. You do person responds differently to the question of grief. I was very much impressed with the birth of the maid. So was I. I thought it was very interesting that she was a place and who displayed the healthy mental attitude. That's right and one of the signs of this healthy mental attitude to me was that she kept the lines of connection between the girl on the one hand and her mother and then a life that she had to live today she did a beautiful job. And the lines of connection between the family and the neighborhood just community. Yes I thought she did an awfully good job. The grandmother Eleanor I thought was quite interesting because of bad introspection.

Yes. Yes. And yet I thought that the relation between her and her daughter probably was a normal relationship. And one of the biggest problems I find in dealing with grief is that people have built up attachments and one is dependent on another emotionally particularly. And then when that tie is broken they are there they are almost helpless because they don't haven't learned how to live apart from this emotional attachment. I wonder if it would just make sense that they survive in such a situation. Always has a whole host of readjustments. And those readjustments can best be made because to me through attachments associations relationships that have been established prior to the bereavement. Yes I think so and I think this is going to require time Harry to

make adjustments there for friends and family should not try to keep them from talking about these. You can forget and they mustn't forget. But on the other hand there must be the lines of connection with other interests other people and I for example the grandmother Eleanor here what had the biggest opportunity of all to get out of her grief the devastating grief that she was experiencing in her grandchild. Yes you know the grandchild reminded her you see of her daughter she said that. Well that's wonderful. Rather than throwing her back into an unpleasant memory it can lead her on into a new and creative relationship. And actually it would have given her a means of maintaining a somewhat of contact with her daughter. The child's mother who died quiet and a continuing contact. Yeah. And at the same time would have been a constructive relationship.

In the development of the child yes I thought that one of the characters here I think as Alice Maude brought out the fact that her and her family they gave vent to their grief now sometimes it does appear that this is a ridiculous sometimes people make fun of it but so I believe it depends of course on the individual on the society and so on but I think it is a very good thing to give some expression to one's grief. Well certainly it helps one get over it in this fashion sometimes. A person who grieves very deeply that by forces other people to come in and given him some sot of a rationale for quitting his grieving father bringing his mourning to a close. They may say well now you know this person was ill and incurable disease. It was really bad for everybody for him to go

die and things of that sort. Yes yes. Harry there's one other thing I'd like to particularly I'd like for you to talk about. You were sociologist does society help people to deal with grief have we develop structure. Yes yes we certainly have as you know as well about him and I do. That is WAY. Tell people when they should grieve on wild occasions in what manner. We have all sorts of ceremonies connected with it from the funeral ceremonies right on through which tell them what sort of associations they make. Society as in most aspects of our life has thrown a whole host of protective institutions around the place and to carry him through this particular crisis. Then you would say as a sociologist that one should look with considerable reverence and respect upon these these traditions that have been developed.

Yes. From a purely you know point of view some of them I must confess same to me to be on necessary and sometimes a little ridiculous. But when I think of the emotional need. That they meet I have to say. Well now just wait a minute. Let's don't go off the deep end you know on this rationality thing. Let's remember that people live by emotion as well as my intellect and I change my opinion often and it seems to me that this Greven tied up with Levon is the real secret of transcending this experience of having not only time for grief but a time for a triumph over grief. But only time for grief one of a series of explorations into effective living titled the minds of men. A presentation of radio television at the University of Texas taking part in the discussion in today's broadcast where Dr.

Harry a more professor of sociology at the University of Texas and Dr. Blake Smith pastor of the University Baptist Church in Austin Texas. These programs were prepared for broadcast under the supervision of Robert F. trying to measure music by Eleanor Paige Jamie Morton was heard as the series narrator moves along. And speaking this program is distributed by the National Association of educational broadcasters. English. English. This is the Radio Network.